Latest / Pathological Positivity / How to Coach Someone to Be a Leader – Episode #679
Transcript
- This is Live On Purpose Radio episode 679, how to coach someone to be a leader. Now is the only time to create and live the life you love. I'm doctor Paul Jenkins, the positivity psychologist. My job is to connect you to powerful positive psychology principles that immediately upgrade your relationships, business, and mental health. Are you ready? Let's jump in. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Live on Purpose Radio. This is doctor Paul the shrink who expands your life with another episode of Live on Purpose Radio. In this episode, I'll dive into how to coach someone to be a leader. Whether you're guiding a team or mentoring a rising star, these tools will help you to unlock real leadership potential. And I've got a free gift for you too. So, hold tight for that. You may or may not know this about me. A lot of my time and energy is spent mentoring and training and certifying coaches. And I've noticed that, a lot of leaders are attracted into the coaching industry because of all the people that they're leading. We're changing our focus a little bit today because I'm I'm helping these leaders coach other leaders. Let me give you an example. A mom who has a home based business. Now this is a really brilliant, inspiring woman who is choosing to operate her business from her home so that she can be available for her children. She has three school aged children. Her husband has a regular job. I'm gonna put that in air quotes because he is an employee at a corporation, and so he's off doing his thing most of the time during the day. And here's this mom who is also a leader of a team. So she's in a network marketing and direct sales company where she inspires other women to take better care of themselves. And she's built up quite a business. In fact, I think she's got three or 400 people that she is enrolled into this company. So so there's the context. Okay? Now, obviously, she is a leader, but she has these people on her team who are looking to her for leadership. She's kinda hoping can become leaders. So that's can become leaders. So that's why we're talking about this today. And it's not rocket science. It is positive psychology, different kind of science. So stick with me and turn on your metacognition for a moment. Now that's a fancy psychobabble word, and I throw it around occasionally. Remember, cognition simply means thinking. Metacognition is a higher level. It's thinking about thinking. We're going to that level. And that is important because when we think about our thinking, it raises our awareness to the processes that are going on in our own mind. And awareness precedes choice. Until you see it as a choice, it's not. I invite you to turn on your metacognition as we have this conversation today, and notice what you think about yourself when it comes to leadership. Leadership begins with how people see themselves. If you are to help your client or your team member explore their own self-concept, I think it starts with some self awareness. I like to practice. Every day, I start my day with a meditation. I have... I call it my power hour, and it includes meditation and prayer. It includes some scripture study. It includes physical fitness, so I do my exercise routine in the morning, and it includes language study. I'm I'm learning Spanish, and I'm dabbling a little bit with Swahili right now. So in my power hour, this meditation is a time for me to calm my mind and to observe and go to that metacognitive level where I can think about my thinking. And I don't wanna think about it too much because during meditation, it's mostly about just raising our awareness and observing what's going on. When you do this, notice that there are stories in your head. And one of the most common things that I deal with is I'm mentoring and training coaches who are leaders that they struggle with imposter syndrome. Can you relate to this? It's that feeling that, oh, I'm out of my league. Who am I to be able to coach these people? And it's a pretty good question. Who are you to be able to coach these people? But make sure it's a question and not a protest disguised as a question. Your self awareness puts you in position to more effectively help the people that you are coaching. Do the people that you're coaching and leading see themselves as a leader? Start there because behavior flows from identity. Now just a a a quick note about one of the fundamentals of coaching, and it is this, that circumstances are neutral. Now, when I say they're neutral, I do not mean that they are easy or painless. Sometimes circumstances are extremely difficult and painful, but consistent with the positivity model, which is at the core of all of our coaching programs here at Live On Purpose. If you don't have this, by the way, you can go to liveonpurposeradio.com/the model, and I'll put a copy of this right into your inbox, full color PDF, so that you can see what I'm talking about. This is the instruction manual for the equipment, how to operate your own mind. And you've heard it forever. Right? Just think positive from motivational gurus or speakers on the stage. We've got to get past the trite, fluffy versions of just think positive to the psychology behind it. And that's why you need the model. Go grab that if you don't have it already. Again, that's live on purposeradio.com/the model. I promised you a gift, and that's not even it. K. That's a bonus for today. We got actually two bonuses and a gift for you. So stick with me. We're gonna go deep, not necessarily on the episode. I want to introduce you to it on the on the episode and then give you some resources so that you can dive in. Okay? Now next, there's a paradigm. And and, the imposter syndrome that I referred to is a version of a paradigm. In fact, I look at this as as being two determinant paradigms. A paradigm is the way you see the world, and it really boils down to two. There's the victim, and there's the agent. Now I'm not talking about victim of abuse. I'm talking about a victim way of seeing the world. And that stands in diametrical opposition to the agent paradigm. So one example is blame. And I'm almost embarrassed to share this because I've done it so many times. And maybe I'm not alone. You know, when you're out driving and you get lost in your thoughts and breeze right past your exit, listening to a podcast, probably, and, you realize you've just missed it. You know? You're you're totally somewhere that you did not plan to be. And I've done this twice now at the same place in Southern Utah where I was going to see a client, and, I knew I'd missed my exit when I saw that big colorful sign. Arizona welcomes you. Arizona? I I not only missed my exit, I missed the whole state. And it's tempting, you know, when we're going through life or in our leadership position, it's tempting to blame. Blame the economy. Blame the company. Blame the compensation system. Blame the weather, the government, the economy, the whatever. And our fingers are pointing out to find that favorite target of blame as opposed to agency. Teach your clients, the people that you lead, agency over victimhood, ownership over blame, responsibility. And and in my book, pathological positivity, I break that into two words, responsibility. And this is where you look down. So come back with me to missing my exit and missing the state. I look down. Guess whose hands I see attached to my steering wheel? See, that bites a little. It does. It stings a little. When you look down, you see your own hands on the wheel. I am here because I drove here. And how often do we end up in a place in our life, in our relationships, in our teams, in our bottom lines where it's like, this isn't where I wanted to be. This is not what I had in mind. Look down. See whose hands are on the wheel. When your hands are on the wheel, you're not pointing. And when you're pointing, your hands aren't on the wheel. Responsibility. Sure, it bites a little. Sure, it stings. But the bad news is also the good news. Because if your hands are on the wheel, what can you do next? Yes. Steer it. Derive it. Take it somewhere. Where do you want to go? This mindset shift changes everything. And a lot of times in our own thinking, we don't see it. We can't see it clearly inside of our own head. That's why coaches need coaches. I was with some high powered coaches just this morning on a mastermind group that I was facilitating, and these high level master coaches were still grappling with imposter syndrome. We had a great conversation. And and the awareness precedes choice. Keep that in mind somewhere. Awareness precedes choice. Have you ever coached someone who didn't see themselves clearly? They didn't see themselves as the powerful leader that they are until they did. Let me know, how that moment changed everything. I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me anytime that you want. Hey. Let's go to the... The third point that I had for you today has to do with your ability to model and transfer influence. See, leadership isn't about control. We don't get to control the other humans. Have you noticed this? If you're a parent, you learn this real quick. It's about influence. Model that for your clients, the calm confidence, and coach them to lead with empathy, clarity, and vision. It's not about having all the answers. In fact, most leaders really don't. You look at some of the great leaders through history. I'm thinking of Henry Ford who popped into my mind, who admitted that he was clueless about so many things, but he surrounded himself with brilliance. You don't have to have all of the answers. It's about asking the right questions and having influence. This is the other bonus that I've got for you. I've got another model called the influence quadrant. We've done some other episodes here where I've referred to that, but you can pick up a copy of that one also. Also live on purposeradio.com/influence. And I'll put that model into your inbox as well. Here's the gift that I wanted to share with you today, because as a coach, as a leader, you've gotta have your tools. Do you want more tools to empower others and grow your own coaching skills? I put this together because of all the coaches that I train and mentor so that you would have a little toolbox. I call it the life coach power pack. The life coach power pack is my gift to you. This is completely free. And don't go get it if you're not interested So go to liveonpurposeradio.com/powerpack. And that's all one word. Liveonpurposeradio.com/powerpack. And this is where we dive into some of the core tools around coaching. You know, the good news is it's not that hard. I think being a good coach is really about being a conscious human, noticing what works for you and being willing to be vulnerable and authentic so that you can assist your fellow humans to do the same thing. You don't have to give your clients the resources to lead. You simply need to help them see those resources within themselves. And we all get stuck in our own stinking thinking from time to time. That's why coaches need coaches. I invest heavily in my own coaching, and that's because I feel a responsibility to you. I am so honored to be on your team, to be one of your coaches. Go grab the power pack. If you're a coach, if this resonates with you, liveonpurposeradio.com/powerpack, and it's coming your way. Let's see what we can do to go apply what we've gained today in this conversation. It's time. Let's go live on purpose. Did you get what you came for? Give yourself the gift of taking real action on what you realized today. Please share this episode with someone you know would value it, and leave us a rating too. It's time now to live on purpose.