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A T.Swift Warmup & a me too story · An ASMR Practice

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Alright.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: I'm in the bath again. This is my preferred mode
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: of wash. It's just bath.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Bath time.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: It's my preferred wash mode. I wanted to talk about
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Taylor Swift. I've come to you today to talk about
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: Taylor Swift. A long time ago, oh my gosh, I
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: have so many voice memos about this. I wanted to, like,
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: do a series of essays on the Reputation album.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: Um.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: And I didn't do that, and so I think the
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: angels or the demons or perhaps both or perhaps our creator, somebody,
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: the elves, somebody was up to something. And I think
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: I just lived it. I think I lived it instead.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: They were like, no more essays about Taylor Swift. Just
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: live it. Just live it. And I did, and I did,
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: and I literally survived. So, that's pretty dope. I'm pretty
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: rocking with survival as of late. And I just keep
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: thinking about this song, King of My Heart.
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: Because he goes, King of my heart, body and soul, whoa.
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: And you know, I think Taylor Swift would agree that
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: this album, first of all, I think was like kind
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: of experimental.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: And, second of all, I.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Don't think it was like, exactly indicative of, like, a
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: good mental health space. Like, I think it was very
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: much her just being like, oh, everybody thinks I'm evil?
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna be as evil as possible. For fun.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: For fun!
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: And, uh... Just to try it out, you know? Because,
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: you know, people... People are always talking shit about this
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: girl and... You say what you want. I'm a fan.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: I'm a fan. I'm not the biggest fan ever. Like,
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: I probably have not heard the entire discography. In fact,
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: I know I haven't. But... It resonates. And I really
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: like it. And... So I keep thinking about this song.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: King of my heart, body, and soul. And I think
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: a more healthy mental space would kind of probably understand
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: this as these are three different people. Or at the
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: very least, three different teams that kind.
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: Of govern these parts of a being right so like
• 4:01
  Speaker 5: your heart you know like today I.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: I was just called I was called to an area
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: I used to go with an old friend and and
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: it was just like everything everything reminded me of my
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: friend I just needed to go and sort of explore
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: it more, honestly. I took some back roads. I lost service. Ultimately,
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: I didn't go too far, and it was light outside,
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: so it was all good. It was all good. But,
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: you know, they say, cliche as it is, they say
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: home is where the heart is. And I think that
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: is true. Like, I see, you know, this friend of mine,
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: I was definitely probably the first person I, like, ever, like,
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: outside of my family. And there's two. I guess there's
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: two friends here. And they bring, like, two very different perspectives. Like,
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: my two closest friends from my hometown, I would say
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: this is my heart. And literally everything in my area
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: reminds me of one of them, if not both. And
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: even when I was traveling in New Orleans, I was like,
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: everything reminds me of one of them. One of these fuckers. And, you.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Know, it's easy.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: At least where I'm from, I think it's pretty easy
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: to be here. I think, like, my city is doing
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: a lot right. And this is what I was talking
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: about to some of my new friends. I was like,
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: it's such a good sign that, because there's that song,
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: and I remember we learned this song in music class
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: in my high school or my middle school. They paved
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: paradise and put up a parking lot. Ooh, ba-ba-ba. Right?
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: We learned this song in middle school. And I think
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: it's such a beautiful sign that, like, my city that I, like,
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: went to elementary school in and that, you know, I
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: lived in for most of my childhood. Now I live, like,
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: in a burb. I live in a burb. If you
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: would even call it that. I live one town over.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: York 2. Depends how you look at it. And. They.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: There used to be a huge parking lot. By the
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: art center. And now. It's called the Ramble. And I
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: tried to get a job. Oh my gosh. I tried
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: to get a job. Because I wanted to do like.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Plant stuff.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Horticulture. I tried to get a horticultural job. And ultimately.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: I didn't know what I was doing. I was just like.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: I now understand. That like. Concision. Is very helpful.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: Like. To be... Concise. Like... When people are throwing too
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: many words at you.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: All at once.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: It's like a little.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: Overwhelming. Like what do you... Which part do you... Which
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: part do you respond to? You know?
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: And you know.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: I think I had beef... With like... Two therapists ago.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: I think I had beef with my therapist.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Cause.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: They were like... They were like, you gotta pace yourself
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: relationally a little more. And.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: I also had some bad advice coming from another person
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: that is no longer in my life. Combined with this.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: And I don't know. I'm just a little bratty, I think, sometimes.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: And they were like, you gotta pace yourself a little more.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: And I was like, ugh.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Ugh.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: Ugh. But now I get it, now I get it
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: in a big way, because... Because now I'm encountering being
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: on the other side of the dynamic, where, you know,
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: maybe you're receiving a lot of... You're receiving a lot
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: of information all at once. And it's like, I don't know,
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: I don't know which part to respond to. And it's like,
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: by the time I realize, or like, I'll have a
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: response to one thing, but then it's like, they're moving
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: past it. They're moving right past it. And then they're
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: going to the next thing. It's like, part of me
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: is like, I had something to say on the other thing.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: And then it's like, but I'm paying attention. I'm trying
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: to pay attention. So I'm following you to the next destination.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: And I've, I've completely forgotten the last thing. And then
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: we're going to another destination. Holy crap. This is way
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: too freaking fast. This is way too freaking fast. It's like,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: you know, when they're like... He's like, pat your head
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: and rub your stomach. It's like, I can't do all this.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: This is... this is too much to do all at once.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: So I definitely am understanding.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: And like, when I.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Think about these, these King, this King and Queen of
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: my heart, okay. You know, this was a very paced
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: ascent to this like love that I now have. And
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: it's just very simple it's very simple and it's very
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: good and you know it's like hiking it's like hiking
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: you know hiking up a mountain in New England is
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: very different I would say to like where I'm from
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: Like here, it's very paced. Okay, well, I'm thinking of
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: one specific. I want to say it's, I want to
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: say Mount Washington. I'm not sure. It's in the New
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Hampshire White Mountains. And I did one mountain there. Oh
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: my freaking God. It was literally like stairs. It was
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: like the thickest, fattest stairs ever. And you're just going
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: upstairs for hours. And don't get me wrong, the view is, like,
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: the best. I don't know if it's the best. I've
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: seen a lot of good ones. But holy cow, you're
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: just going upstairs, like... You know, I think I sort
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: of like more of, like, a steady, slow hill. If
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking about hiking. And I was just getting my
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: ass absolutely beaten. I want to say it was Mount Washington.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: I could be wrong. It was some like presidential figure.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: And it was extremely difficult. And this is not the
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: first time this has happened to me, but it is
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: one time it has happened to me where I do this.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: I do a very strenuous hike in New England. And
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: there's nothing in the weather forecast that says anything bad.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: It has happened to me, I think, three times in
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: New England, where the weather was saying, you're good to
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: go hiking, babe. You're good to go hiking, babe. And
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: then I wake up and there's snow on the ground.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: This was probably the worst time. Oh my gosh, I
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: shivered all night. I literally shivered all night. And I just,
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: you know, fortunately I did have some hot hands. I
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: put them in my socks because my toes were like
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: about to fall off. And then I wake up and
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: there's like several inches of snow. And so like I'm
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: pretty sure my boots, I left them outside of the
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: tent because I just wasn't really like expecting precipitation. And
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: so my boots are like covered in snow and ice.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, okay, I guess I got to put
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: these on and they're ice cold and also wet. And
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: ultimately it's like fine. You know, they make good socks for,
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: you know, wicking moisture off. And once you're moving, it
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: really doesn't matter. I mean, this is what I learned
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: in like wilderness first aid is like the best way
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: to combat hypothermia. There's two ways. eat something, get calories,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: because calories are energy and energy warms. Duh. Because they
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: were saying, they were like, people always try to do
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: tea or a hot beverage. And they were like, yeah,
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: if you're drinking hot chocolate, then maybe, because there's hella
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: calories in that. But... If you're just drinking like hot
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: leaf water. It's not. Or coffee. It's not going to
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: actually warm you. Like it might warm your hands to
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: hold the mug. But. Unless there's calories. It's really not
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: going to warm you. So they were like saying. If
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: you think you might have hypothermia. You got to eat
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: some high calorie foods guys.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Or.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Or. The alternative is to get moving. You got to exercise.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: You literally got to. They were like if someone's. if
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: someone's like got hypothermia, you got to get the, like,
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: even cause a lot of times, like for example, if
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: your feet are really cold, it's like, you can't maybe walk,
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: but they were like saying like just lifting your arms
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: like over and over essentially, even without weight. But if
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: you have a backpack, like lift the backpack cause it
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: just makes, it makes heat internally. Like they were saying
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: like hot hands, touching a warm thing. Like, yeah, it
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: might feel good, but, The actual most effective way is
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: like from the inside out. And so this is like
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: either eating calories, consuming calories. You don't have to eat it.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: You can drink it technically. Or moving is how to
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: unfreeze yourself. And so, you know, this has happened at
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: least three times to me where I wake up. And
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: it's like, okay, everything's frozen. My toes, I can't feel them.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: My hands, I can't feel them. And the hardest part
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: is just, like, getting everything back in your bag and, like,
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: undoing the tent and doing all that with, like, your
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: limbs frozen. But, you know. And it's funny. In college, I.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Used to say to my friends, because.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: Like, if I was cold, I would just start running.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: I would just start running. And everybody's like, why are
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: you running, girl? Why are you doing this? And I
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: used to say, you can't shiver if you're running. You
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: can't shiver if you're running. I'm literally like, I'm right though.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: I'm actually right. So I would be, at the very least,
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: I would be like jogging beside the people that are walking.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: Just to stay warm because I'm like always cold. Especially
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: when it's cold outside. I mean, I'm not used to
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: this stuff, Dave.
• 17:10
  Speaker 7: And so, I don't know, heart, body and soul.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: I'm just thinking, I'm just thinking about it because I
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: feel like there's different teams. There's different teams for all
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: these things. There's, like, my friends, got my heart. I think, like.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: Think there's a couple avenues with Bonnie. There's a couple
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: avenues with Bonnie. Like, if you picture, like, a stick man,
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: I think there's probably about that many teams, right? So
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: we got, like, we got the roundy round head. Or
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: what do they call this? This one my dad called it.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: But the.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: What do they call those? I don't know the actual word, but, like,
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: the traffic thing that's a circle, traffic circle? You know,
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: that's one of the avenues. My dad's friend always posts
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: on Facebook, like, this video where they're, like, driving and
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: being silly, and they're driving in the snow, and they're
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: just going around the roundy round, like, over and over
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: and they're just like giggling just like giggling and like
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: losing control of the vehicle it's funny the the i
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: don't i don't know if i totaled my car that
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: time i've wrecked twice i think both times technically they
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: said it was totaled but i know a guy and
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: we got it fixed up don't worry about it actually
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: this time i think i did not know the guy
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: at this time and i think we paid way too
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: much I was in my Mini Cooper. I was in
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: my Mini Cooper. And it's the same road that my
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: dad's friend has the video of. Ruppel. Rupel. Depends how
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: you say it. RuPaul?
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: This freaking road. They put all these roundy rounds in it.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: And you know my dad was having fun just skidding
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: around the roundy rounds. I was trying to go to
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: the gym. Like a dumbass. I was trying to go
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: to the gym in the middle of an ice storm.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: And I panicked. I panicked because there was a minivan
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: like coming down the other side of the road and
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: I was immediately, I didn't have control of the vehicle.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: It was all ice and I was not in a
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: car that was designed for this at all. And so I,
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: I essentially just ran myself into the curb deliberately because
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: I didn't want to run into the minivan. Like I
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: was like, I don't know. I think I thought that
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: I would end up on the grass, like, above the curb.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: But I just, I totaled my car, unfortunately, because it was, like,
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: a Mini Cooper. It was, like, not designed for any
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: of that, and I had no control. And so that's
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: one of the avenues we have for body. And then
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: we have like the spine, right? These are the yogis.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: The yogis got my body.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: In a big way.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Oh no, Carlos, one send. And then we got two
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: arms and two legs. It may vary person to person.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: You never really know. Um... But yeah, I could get
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: into it, or I could just not. I'll leave it
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: to the imagination. I think it's probably just better if
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: I do. But it does make me think of, like, labor.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: It does make me think of labor. I would say, like,
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: the non-profits probably got one of my arms. I would
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: say the kitchens probably got another arm. I would say.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: What like the national parks probably have at least one
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: leg of my body and uh the other leg haven't
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: decided yet.
• 21:23
  Speaker 8: It's a secret don't tell nobody um and then soul
• 21:32
  Speaker 8: soul who's the king of my soul I'm scared to know.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: I think it might be me, first of all. Second
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: of all, it might just, it might be me and, like,
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: everybody who loves me, I think. Like I said, I'm
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: a very sentimental person. Like, I will revisit, like, old
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: letters and stuff anytime I'm feeling, like, You know? And
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: I've been getting a lot of messages lately. People are like,
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: the divine feminine is like, you gotta prioritize yourself and
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: care for yourself. I'm like, yes. Okay? I do do that. And...
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's not enough. Sometimes it's really not enough. How
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: much do I gotta do? And at what point is
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: this just isolation? Isolation. Because I've done it. I mean,
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: I've done it. I've done the divine feminine thing of just, like,
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: take care of yourself to the maximum, to the supreme level. Okay,
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: I've done it. And ultimately, I was really lonely. Ultimately,
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: I was, like, extremely lonely. And, uh. yeah there's a
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: there's an inner there's an inner feisty feline within me
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: okay when someone's like saying this stuff to me because
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: i just i think part of it is that i
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: don't think i'm the person that needs to hear this
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: i think there are other people in the world who
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: need to hear this a lot more than me because
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: i'm doing a pretty good job like and i know
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: it's like yeah a reminder never hurts a reminder never
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: hurts you're so right you're seriously so right girl And also,
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: tell it to someone else who freaking needs to hear this.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: I've been doing this. You have no idea how many
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: devices I have to, like, just massage myself. And that's
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: not sexual. That's really not. I got the chirp wheel.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: I got a foam. It's not a foam roller. It's
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: actually much more sophisticated than a foam roller. I got
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: a foot acupressure thingy. I got a... What is this
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: thing even called? It's like a... I should use it.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I haven't used that thing in so long.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: I got it as a gift for this guy I
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: used to work with, who we were also friends. Because
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: he was like, my neck's always hurting, my back's always hurting.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: I was like, dude, I know exactly what you need.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: What is this thing called?
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: It's like a.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: Hammock?
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's a head hammock. You, like, put it on
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: the other side of the door knob. Oh, I know.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: I have some extremely long voice memos. I used to have, like,
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: a head hammock series on my voice memos of me
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: just yapping in the head hammock. It's good for, like,
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: TMJ and, like, neck pain and, like, upper back pain,
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: which is, like, historically this has been my major problem lately.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: You know, I was having ankle problems for a little
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: bit in New Orleans. Just a little bit, like two days.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: I was walking a lot. I was in the streets
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: walking a lot. Because I was obsessed with the streets.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm really into just walking around sometimes.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Oh man, that reminds me. That was my plan. Because,
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: you know, I've been away and I wanted to like
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: walk around. My neighbor, because so much has changed. Oh
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: my gosh, so much has changed. But I sort of
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: did that with my friend privately yesterday anyways. Because I
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: was just on the phone walking around and I was like,
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: what the heck? All this crap has changed. They're making
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: moves finally. You know, I was complaining because I was like,
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: there's this area. It seemed like it's been under construction
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: for like a damn year. And I was complaining once
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: about I don't know, on the pod, on a, I
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: don't know, somewhere. I probably posted it.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: But I was complaining, like, I was like, this shit
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: has been under construction for, like, a year and nothing's happening.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: And I didn't. I go on vacation and I come
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: back and everything's changed. Everything has changed. All I know
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: is that I love you. And I look like.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: I'm in love.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: They, like, fixed... There was this big pile, and I
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: used to always, like, cut through where this pile is.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: They fixed the big pile. It's a freaking coffee shop
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: over there. But it's not a coffee shop. They don't
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: sell coffee. But it was so weird, because last night...
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: They were having, like, a meeting. They were having, like,
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: a corporate meeting, it would seem. There were so many
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: cars there. I've never even seen people there. And all
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: of a sudden, at this coffee corporate office... They're, like,
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: having a meeting... And I could see them through the window,
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: and it's like dark outside. I'm like, guys, it's 10 p.m.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: We're having a meeting right now? Honestly, fair enough. Those
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: are prime times. This is prime time. And I was
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: on the phone with my friend, and my friend was like,
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: you could go in. I was like, I don't know.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: Probably shouldn't. There's a lot of dudes in there. There's
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: a lot of dudes in there. I thought about it, though.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: I got pretty close. I was like, should I go
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: in right now? maybe they need me wait I should
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: actually check that would be kind of sick if I
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: got a job there because it's like extreme like that's
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: extremely walkable okay you know and I have been thinking
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: because there's like all these businesses nearby like maybe I
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: should just like print out some resumes go talk to
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: these guys the problem is I don't really see women
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: in these businesses so much and it's like do I
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: want to be the only woman I don't know Maybe,
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, in a way it's appealing and in another
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: way it's maybe not. Because I've been like flirting with
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: the idea of working from home. It does sound nice.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: It really does sound nice. And just to be able
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: to like go abroad or, you know, to go wherever
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: I need to go gosh, there's one job I really, really, really,
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: really want, and it would be remote. And it just,
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: it's like so perfect. It's so perfect. I can't even
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: express how perfect it is. And I think I would
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: be so freaking good at it. Ugh. We'll see. We'll see.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: If not, if not, winter.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Again.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: I have, I have ways of making money. You know,
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: I have, like, all these, like, independent contractor, like, apps
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: and stuff. But I sort of haven't hit that, I
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: haven't hit that low of a point yet. It could
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: be fun. I haven't done it in so long. I
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: don't know what's stopping me. I think I just, I don't,
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: I don't really want like my career to be like
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: driving my car and like expending gas like that. which
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: obviously it's not a career it's like a fill in
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: thing until something else works out but I got some
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: I got some interesting stuff in the books I just
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: got like so many interviews next week it's like not
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: even funny ugh.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: And, yeah.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: I low-key love job interviews, though. I'm not even going
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: to lie. I love selling myself. I love it. And
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: what I'm realizing, and this is, like, the attitude I
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: had going into, like, my first date with my partner, is, like,
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: I kept rehearsing in my head. I was like, this
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: is not about whether he likes me. This is about
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: whether I like him. That's why I kept telling myself.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: You know, so I kind of went in with, like,
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: a diva kind of attitude. And I was like, I'm
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: gonna be mean to this guy. Let's see what happens.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: And I think it was probably... I don't want to
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: say it was the first time I ever felt like that.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: But it was probably definitely the first time that I deliberately, like,
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: kind of rehearsed this mentality. Like, mantras and, like, affirmations
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: and stuff. Like, this is... Because it's really easy to
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: be nervous for a first date. Like, what are they
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: going to think about me? Or an interview or whatever.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: But it really helped me to be like, what am
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: I thinking about this guy? And ultimately, he was quite charming.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: He was exceedingly charming. He was giving charisma. Or at
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: the time, at least. He was giving charisma in a
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: pretty big way. he's sleeping right now he's sleeping he's
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: like reading a book and it's funny I literally said
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: something similar the other day about how like when I
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: was trying to read physics books I was like I
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: couldn't do it but I was letting my eyes graze
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: the page I was like how's this book he was
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: like he's like yeah it's not really that good but
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: I'm letting my eyes you know graze the words essentially
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: I mean he said it less poetically honestly but Um.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: And uh. So I'm always trying to convince him. Because
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: he gets in these. He gets in this habit. Of like.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: He's like I have to finish. He's like I started
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: the book so I have to finish it. And this
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: is not something that I do. If I'm not enjoying
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: the book. Next. Next. Like if you went through my library.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: It's like every single book has a bookmark. And. probably
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: 90% of them I stopped before getting to 25% completion.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Because why am I gonna do something I don't wanna do?
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: It doesn't make any sense. Especially when another book is
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: calling to me. You know what I'm saying? And I
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: don't think anybody really agrees with me. And most people
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: who look at my library are like, why haven't you
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: finished a single book? And I'm like, listen, I finished
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: a couple. Let me point you to the bottom shelf
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: where all of my, like, best-selling fiction is, okay? And
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: there's some books I have finished that aren't there. There
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: are other categories that I have finished. But it's like,
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: why am I going to do something I don't want
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: to do? You know, he read the freaking, he read
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: freaking Great Expectations. I'm pretty sure it's Charles Dickens.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: And he hated it.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: He hated it the whole time. He bitched about it
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: the whole time. And I kept saying, give it up.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: Literally stop reading this. And he finished it and I
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: was like, how was it? And he was like, it sucked.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: I hated it. It never got better. I was like,
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: I know. You've been complaining actively for months about this book.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: I'm aware. Charles Dickens. Is it even Charles Dickens? Now
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: I have to look it up. Oh boy. I keep
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: rearranging my apps and I can't find anything. Great Expectations. Which,
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: if you know anything about me and Charles Dickens, they're
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: good books by Charles Dickens. Yeah, it is Charles Dickens.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: I thought so. Charles Dickens has some good books. I
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: wouldn't have even picked up Great Expectations. That book is
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: way too thick and the font is way too small. And, like,
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: the cover is not appealing at all. Like, what's... And now,
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: and then he's like, oh, are you going to read
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: Great Expectations? We could talk about it. I'm like, you
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: didn't sell me this book at all. If anything, you
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: made me want to burn it. Like, bro. What the heck?
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: And it's the same. It's the same. I don't know.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: So I was trying to, I was like, I got
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: some new books. I was like, maybe you should not
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: keep reading a book that you don't like. He's like, no,
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: I have to finish it.
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh boy.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: Oh boy. And I think a lot of people are like,
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of people are more like him
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: than me. I don't know though. I don't really be
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: asking those kinds of questions. Maybe I should. See, this
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: is what I think happens for most people. Actually, I
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: think the vast majority of people, they start reading a book,
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: they lose interest, and then they stop reading altogether. Me? Me?
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: I'm reading, I'm reading some poetry on Substack. I started
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: reading a Tina Fey book that I found that's a
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: little free library. And by that, I mean, I was
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: kind of like flipping through it at random and giggling
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: a lot. Um, I think I like go to my
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: library to like, I'll have, I'll just be called to it.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: I'm just, there's something inside me that draws me to
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: a book that I've, that I either know I have
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: and haven't even started. or that I've like read some of.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: And then I'll just flip to a random page or
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: I'll flip to like the area, like if I have
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: read it, then I might know kind of where it
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: is in the book. And if I have read it,
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: there might be sticky notes and stuff for like things
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: that I knew would be relevant later. You know, my
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: books are all kinds of marked up and sticky noted up.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: So I don't know what that says about me as
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: a person. I'm trying not to think about it. But yeah,
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: I think like some, I think like a single person
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: being your hard body and soul is like, that's a
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: lot of pressure to put on a person. And I
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: don't want to talk about codependency because this is like
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: way overused. This is like a way overused term. But...
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: I don't really even know what codependency is. I mean,
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: my understanding is... I know the op... Like, the good version...
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: I do know this. This is something I learned from
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: either a therapist or some kind of school of thought. Of, like,
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: the good version of codependency is interdependent. Where it's, like,
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: your lives are intertwined. But you're not, like, codependent. Which is, like,
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: I don't know. It's, like.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: Needing a person? Question mark? Like needing one specific person.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I honestly don't know. I mean I
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: know like. From recovery groups. I know that like.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: To.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: They say.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Which.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: The recovery groups are good. There's an astonishing lack of women.
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: And I get why. Because it's like. Yeah, you kind
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: of have to like be surrounded by men if you
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: want to be there. And then you show up for
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: the women's meeting and nobody's even there. And then they
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: put you to work. They literally put you to work
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: and they don't even pay you. But they did feed me.
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: I think they did give me, they threw me a
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: hot dog or something. They were like, yeah, you're the
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: only person here for women's meeting. We're going to need
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: you to bake something real quick. And it was joy.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: It was a joy. I didn't know where anything in
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: that kitchen was, but I figured it out. I figured
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: it out pretty good. And then I made something actually
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: very delicious. Shout out my girl Joyce. Shout out Joyce.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: Recipe by Joyce. I keep that shit saved on my phone.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: And I go back to it like.
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: All the time.
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: It's like the best recipe ever. And everybody knows that.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: Everybody literally knows that. And also it's customizable. Every recipe
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: is customizable. This is what people don't understand about recipes
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: is it's just a suggestion. It's the same as yoga.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: It's literally the same as a yoga class. A recipe
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: is just a yoga class in a different form.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: Whoa. Oh my gosh.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: Oh, the angels are speaking to me.
• 39:16
  Speaker 6: The lights just got like brighter than, oh my gosh.
• 39:21
  Speaker 6: the lights just got brighter than I've ever seen. And
• 39:23
  Speaker 6: then more lights came on, I think. And I will say, I.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: Did hear like the heater or air conditioner click. So
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: it's probably like a technical kind of thing, but it felt,
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: it felt very beautiful to me regardless. That's the thing
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: is like automation. Cause it's like, yeah, the heater is
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: on like auto right now. So it like goes on
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: and off. automatically according to like how the temperature is
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: like naturally coming and going you know you know i
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: think i really for me i really found like an
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: undeniable faith in god or higher power or something in
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: automation like in the freaking machine like in shuffle oh
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: gosh Okay, the lights just turned off completely. Now I'm
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: in the dark. Okay. Okay, I'm a little scared, but
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: ultimately I'm alone in this room, so I'm only a little,
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of really scared. Oh no. Okay, they're treating me.
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: This is not a trick, this is a treat. Okay,
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna sit back and relax. Oh, man.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, man.
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, man. Am I scared of the dark? I don't
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: think I am. There's enough light from the crack of
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: the door that I can see. Okay, I need to
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: take some deep breaths, I think, though. And now, like,
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: where are all my candles? I literally need to make
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: some candles, like, right now.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: ASAP.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: I have all the tools to make candles, and I'm just, like,
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: simply not doing it for some reason. Okay, so I
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: got this freaking... This is why I'm not making candles,
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: is I got this freaking expensive beeswax. And beeswax is
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: extremely difficult to use for candle making. Like, this is
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: no joke. The soy wax is a lot easier. My
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: understanding is it might be unethical. I don't know. This
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: is what they say. Um.
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: So I got the beeswax, which also the vegans are
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: saying the beeswax is probably also unethical. So I don't
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: know what we're supposed to do about all this. Maybe
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: I should Google most ethical wax sources. I know soy
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: is like, most candles are soy. And when I was
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: using soy, I was pumping out candles left and right.
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: It was so easy and the beeswax, I think the
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: melting point must be higher or something. Okay, see now
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: my eyes are adjusting to the darkness and it's actually
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: not that dark at all. What a gift, what a
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: gift we are to just exist like this. Like at
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: first it was like seeming kind of pitch black. I
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: had my diffuser on, which is like a red light,
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: which is like not my favorite color at all. Um.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, okay, woo pig. Okay. I can't believe the
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: lights just turned off. That's kind of freaking rude.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: Lumos.
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: Lumos. I remember once I made all the adults laugh.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: I was very young. I was extremely young. I was like.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: Probably... I.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: Don't know.
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: Like eight, I would guess. I was eight years old
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: at the Boys and Girls Club.
• 43:08
  Speaker 8: And.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: We... So, it was, like, a program. After school, we'd
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: go to the Boys and Girls Club. And they'd, like,
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: walk us over and supervise us and stuff. And then
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: we had to do, like, a brief meeting to discuss, like,
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: any changes in rules or anything. But... So, we'd have
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: to go to the gym, do a brief meeting with
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: the adults. And I remember I was, like, first in line.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: And I walk in and the lights aren't on. And
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: I haven't even seen Harry Potter, but my freaking brother...
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: My freaking brother was always like, Lumos! If he was
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: flipping the light switch on, he would go, Lumos! And
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: so the teacher guy... I heard a rumor about him,
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: so I don't really want to say his name. And
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: I don't know if the rumor is even true, but...
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: I remember his name, and I remember... I remember a lot.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: I remember so freaking much when I was eight. I
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: liked this guy at the time. I heard some rumors
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: later that made me think maybe I shouldn't like this guy.
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: But he flipped the light switch on and I went, Lumos!
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: I was just imitating my brother. I had no idea
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: what it even meant.
• 44:34
  Speaker 8: Lumos!
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: And then of course, naturally, this makes me think of
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: my parasocial boyfriend, freaking Elijah. Freaking Elijah. What is his name?
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: Elijah Long? He might be AI, I'm not sure. I
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: don't think he is. He's doing ASMR content just like me.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: Except he's got video because he's like, he's like kind
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: of like extremely handsome. He's extremely handsome and fit. He's
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: always on about the thumos. The Thumos. Which, if I
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: had to guess, I think it's like... It's like charisma
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: or power or energy or something like that. I think
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: it's like charisma. Probably... Probably Greek. I received a message
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: today that has me believing it's probably Greek. I think
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: the Greeks... I think the Greeks are on it.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: And, um.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: The last story I told was also sort of Greek
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: in the sense that I was being screamed at in
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: a Greek restaurant. Which makes me think of the song
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: by Billy Joel. Modern wisdom here, guys. Scenes from an
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: Italian restaurant. And I remember I was like, I declared
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: myself like a huge Billy Joel fan. And so for
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: my 16th birthday, my dad took me to the Bach Center.
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: Be okay. I don't want to say it's in Oklahoma. Yeah,
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: it's in Oklahoma because it's on the turnpike. And you
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: got to pay all these freaking tolls to get there.
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: It's like crazy. But my understanding is it's way faster
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: than it used to be. Like it used to be
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: kind of backcountry kind of roads. But you can get
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: on the turnpike now. And my dad was so funny.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: He's like, because they have like the, at the time,
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: at least they had the quarter machines. And so he
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: would take, like, you know, he'd count out the quarters and, like,
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: put them in his hand and, like, throw them at
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: the machine, like, really fucking aggressively.
• 46:46
  Speaker 5: And he'd go, I'm making it hail.
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: I'm making it hail, bitch. Some shit like that. And
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: I wanted to go to see Billy Joel. I was like,
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: I'm Billy Joel's number one fan. Mind you, I've only
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: listened to the greatest hits of them. And I probably
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: didn't even finish it. I had a couple songs that
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: I really liked. And you know, unfortunately, what got me
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: into Billy Joel, like what made me look into Billy Joel,
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: was there's a Family Guy episode called Movin' Out. In parentheses,
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: Brian's song. Brian, like the dog, Brian. And I was like,
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: this is weird that the title includes parentheses. So I
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: looked it up, and it's It's a Billy Joel song.
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: Moving out. Is it Anthony? Moving out. In parentheses, somebody's song.
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: Let me look it up. Anthony, okay. Okay, Anthony. Okay,
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: I have a story about it, Anthony. I have a
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: story about it, Anthony. Should I say it? I had like, okay,
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: I was being naughty, okay? And I'm in the bath,
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: so I guess I can tell this story. But I
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: was planning. I was strategizing how to lose my virginity
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: to this guy, Anthony. And we had, like, all these plans.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: And ultimately... Ultimately, I mean, I guess I let him on.
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: But I just remember I was with all my girls.
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: I was with all my girlypops. you know, in the town.
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: And I just, I looked, I looked around at my girlies.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: I was like, guys, I gotta go. I have plans.
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: And I started to walk away and I didn't make
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: it very far. I really didn't make it far. I
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: made it probably about, I would guess like 47 strides, um,
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: from my girls. And then I was like, this is
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: a bad idea. What am I doing? This is literally
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: a bad idea. And so I went back to my girls.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: I went back to my girls and I was like,
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: hopefully I texted him and was like, I can't today.
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: And we never did. We literally never did. And he's
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: literally married with kids now, but, and we do not talk.
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: I don't think we really talked afterwards. that maybe I
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: don't know I don't know I was being stupid I
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: was being really stupid and and then ultimately I was
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: like I just want to hang out with my girls
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: anyways like I just had a bad gut feeling I
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: was like this is not what I should be doing God. God,
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: the angels, the elves.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: Somebody was speaking to me and they were like, not yet, girl.
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: Simmer down. Jeez Louise. So I didn't.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: I didn't.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: I obeyed. I had a bad gut feeling and I
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: turned around. I said, no bueno. No mas. Time to
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: go back to the girlies. De fear. De fear. Um.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: And so I did.
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: And then my friends were like happy to have me back.
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: And I was, they were like, cause they were like, yeah, girl,
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: we don't know what you were doing, but it seems
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: like trouble. And I was like, yeah, it literally was,
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: you know, we probably play, we probably coordinated that shit
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: for way too long. And then ultimately I was like,
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm a good girl. I'm literally a
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: good girl. And I don't want to do this yet.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: And so this just brings me back to my point
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: that like peer pressure is not real. You can lead
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: a guy on. It's okay. The guys do not like
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: when you do this. And so you got to be
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: a little careful because there is such a thing as retaliation.
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: And I was definitely retaliated upon a lot. But ultimately,
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: I mean, follow your gut. If your gut's saying no,
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: then don't do it. If a person is telling you no,
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: you can still do it.
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: Wait. Wait. Let me
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: revise that statement. Consent is very important. Consent is extremely
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: important when it comes to like your body. Okay. Okay. This,
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: this we should all know by now. Okay, that's not
• 51:47
  Speaker 2: what I meant. I don't remember what I said, but
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: consent is extremely important. Okay, and, you know, it's an
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: ongoing kind of thing. And consent can be withdrawn at
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: any time. This is all extremely true. And, um... Yeah,
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: so definitely I'm revising that statement. I don't remember exactly
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: what I said. I mean, like, if a third party...
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: If an authority is telling you you shouldn't do this,
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: that doesn't mean that you can. That's what I meant.
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: But if a person is saying, do not do this
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: to my body, then don't. Is my understanding.
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: Is like.
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: Well, no, that's... That's the understanding, right? Right, guys?
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: Some people don't have this figured out yet, and I
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: think we should blame their parents first and foremost. I
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: think we should blame, honestly, all of the adults and
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: community around them. I think everybody should be teaching everybody this.
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: We should not tolerate anything less. The heck? You know,
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: when I was telling my friend, I was like... Because
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: we were talking about some instances... Maybe I don't wanna
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: talk about this. I just know there was one particularly
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: bad instance in my experience where I don't even really
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: understand how it happened.
• 53:32
  Speaker 3: And Ultimately... Yeah, I.
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: Don't think there was consent in this situation. And I
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: trusted this person. Like, of course I did. And there
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: was a third party that was telling me not to. And,
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: you know, the brat in me is like, shut up,
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: you don't know anything. People are trustworthy, and... Ultimately, the
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: third party was actually correct. And I was telling my friend,
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: I was like, I didn't feel sad for myself. I
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: think it took me a long time to feel any
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: kind of sadness or anger for me. Like I think
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: I felt bad for him. Because it was just like
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: I couldn't comprehend it. I think I really couldn't comprehend.
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: Like why you would even want something that wasn't consensual.
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: Like how that benefits you.
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: And you know I was pretty. I think I was
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: pretty lucid during the experience. And ultimately I was like.
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: I think I just kept trying to, like, meet his eyes. Like,
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: I just kept trying to, like, see the human there.
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: And I don't think there was a human there. I mean,
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: there was a human body. There was, like, a flesh,
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: for sure.
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: But, like.
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: I still, like, even to this day, like, I don't...
• 55:47
  Speaker 2: I don't feel like crying about it. For me. Like.
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: I.
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: Don't know. I mean, I do know. I just was...
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: I couldn't fathom it. I still can't. Like, how that's appealing. And,
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: I mean, maybe this is, like, a situation of, like,
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: you know, the devil makes use of idle hands or
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: idle bodies. Like, because I kept trying to see the
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: person there. Like, in it. In the active situation of it.
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: And I just didn't. I just really didn't. Like, it
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: was like an automation. Which is almost why like it
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: kind of didn't hurt in a way emotionally or physically
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: or whatever. Like it was kind of like a non-experience.
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: It was kind of like a dream. Not a good dream.
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: It was kind of like just like a hazy non-experience.
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: And maybe, you know, the haters will say I'm like
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: extremely avoidant or dissociative or something. And I don't necessarily
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: think that's true. I think I was actively searching for
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: humanity in this encounter. And I think I just couldn't
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: find it. I mean, confirmation bias, they say you find
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: what you look for and I was not finding what
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: I was looking for. You know, this reminds me of
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: chauffeur of mine used to say and he used to
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: say about the Walmart he used to say You know
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: because I'm from the area where Walmart was founded and
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: so I'm I'm Walmart's biggest proponent And you know I
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: said this to my professor my professor was like I
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: don't shop at Walmart and I was like oh weird
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: flex guy I was like it's local to me And
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: I was saying to my chauffeur, because my chauffeur was like,
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: I was always hyping up the Walmart and I was
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: rizzing up the chauffeur. He's like, I just remember him saying,
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: he's like, you know, there's a lot of humanity in
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: the Walmart. And that's very true. That's extremely true. Now
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: in like unconsensual encounters... I don't think there's a lot
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: of humanity in that. I think that is something non-humane,
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: I would say. Having been a victim, I was gonna
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: say participant, but that doesn't feel accurate. Was I a participant?
• 59:04
  Speaker 2: Do I get a sticker if I say I was
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: a participant? Oh boy. I don't know if this one's
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: gonna see the light of day, guys. I think it
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: probably should though.
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't know.
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: I think when I told my friend about it, I
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: think I was maybe more emotional in that moment. Because
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: I had tried to tell, when I returned from this
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: voyage in which this encounter took place, I returned to
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: campus and I tried to tell my closest friend about it.
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: You know, my closest friend at the time, which it
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: was pretty like perpetually shifting. And I just remember my
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: friend was like, are you sure that's what happened? Like
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: that was like the first thing she said. Like she
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: was doubting me, essentially. And I'm pretty sure I was like, yeah,
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: I'm sure that's what happened. And she didn't want to
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: talk about it. And I can forgive her. I have
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: forgiven her. It's all good. And also, what the heck?
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: And so I think what I took away from that
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: encounter with this friend was like, I guess I shouldn't
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: talk about it. Because it was, it was, okay, see,
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: now I'm gonna cry. Honestly, harder than the actual experience,
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: and I think plenty of women and people have said this,
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: harder than the actual experience was having it doubted by
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: my closest friend. Like... And I probably should have sought
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: another friend. And I understand. Like, fundamentally, I understand, like,
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: maybe she's been through something similar. Maybe multiple people have
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: trauma dumped on her. Maybe this is just uncomfortable. I
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: don't know. But it did hurt. You know? Because I
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: wasn't even being that emotional about it. Like, I really
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: wasn't in hysterics at all. I think I was extremely numb.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: And like I said, I felt bad for the guy. Like,
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: I was like, how do you find yourself in this position?
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: as a man or a boy or whatever you are.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I don't know. I don't really speak to
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: that friend anymore. I tried. I think she's, you know,
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: being quite a good consumer.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 3: In the.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: Late-stage capitalism of it all. Last time I spoke to her,
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: that's what it seemed like. So, I mean, cheers, guys.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: Trust your gut. That's what my aunt said. She offered
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: me really, really good advice. I was really pretty distraught.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: And I was looking for an easy answer. I said,
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 2: is it this option or is it this option? She said,
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: I'm going to need more context. She said, I don't
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: know what you're talking about, girl. I said, I just
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: want an A or B option. And ultimately what I
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: took away, I mean, she was like, I always tell
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: my kids, trust your gut. And this has been extremely,
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, obviously this is like a super common cliche
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 2: kind of phrase. And unfortunately in that situation, my gut
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: was trusting the situation. And my gut was also trusting
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: that my friend was going to hear me out. And
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: I think I probably just needed that experience from start
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: to finish. I mean, I think I did learn something
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: from it. You know?
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: So.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Every time I say I don't know,
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 2: I always hear my old therapist, like three therapists ago,
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: she was like, you keep saying I don't know, and
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 2: I think you know. She did not want to give
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 2: me a diagnosis, dude. I was like, please diagnose me.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: She was like, it's not going to help. She's like,
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 2: there's not medicine for what you got, baby girl. Or
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: if there is, it's just going to dull your sparkle.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: That's what she told me. You know, something I've been
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 2: told a lot by therapists is... And it used to
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: bother me. It used to bother me in such a
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: big way. I think, unfortunately, it took hearing it from
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: a male therapist. I had a handful of female therapists
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: that maybe I was just a little too stubborn. I
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 2: don't know. I've had a lot of therapists tell me,
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: when I tell them some kind of experience that's haunting me,
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 2: they always say, well, I think it's more common than
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 2: you think. You're not alone in this. That's what they say.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: But you know, as a therapist, you're not really supposed to,
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: it's my understanding, you're not supposed to talk a whole
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: lot about yourself. So they kind of just say it
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 2: as like a little crumb of whatever, of you're not alone.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 2: It's more common than you think. And it used to
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 2: bother me a lot. I was like, I was like,
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 2: cause now I'm thinking about everybody else that this has
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: happened to. And I'm like, oh boy. Oh boy. What
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 2: the heck? Yeah, you're locked out. This is girl's bath only.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 2: He's checking on me. He's like, please let me in, mom. Please. Um,
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 2: normally I would not shut the door. I don't know
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 2: what inspired that today, but I did. And now it's
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: completely dark in the room and I think my lights died.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: They got bright and then they died. So that's awkward.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: I got my diffuser and I can see the surge
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 2: protector thing glowing as well. They're my bodyguards. Oh my gosh.
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 2: What the heck?
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: Aww.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 2: The thing was glowing red. Oh, it's red again. Okay.
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 2: For a second it stopped glowing red and it was
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 2: just green. So then I had the two greens, like
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 2: the surge protector's green and then they were both just green.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 2: Now it's red again. Okay, we got green and red.
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 2: It's Christmas. It's a poinsettia. It's a poinsettia. It's green again.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 2: Why is it doing that? Oh, maybe a little blue?
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: I don't have my glasses on, so I can't really...
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 2: It might be blue, it might be green. It looks... Oh,
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 2: it's right again.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 3: Oh boy.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: Oh boy. Huh.
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 2: I'm the surge protector. Huh.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: Weird.
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 2: What? Okay, fine. I don't know what they're trying to
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 2: tell me. The automations are trying to communicate with me
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 2: and unfortunately I don't speak the language. The surge protector
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 2: seems to be doing like.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: Blinking.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 2: What do they call this in the military? You know
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: this guy, I was thinking I was in the military.
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: He wanted to read my journal. He was like, let
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 2: me just flip to a random page. And I let him.
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: I let him.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: Because ultimately I did kind of trust him. And... Unfortunately...
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 2: Or fortunately, I don't know. It's relevant to this.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: Like, I.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: I had written about a story I received of like
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: someone else's assault. I didn't include, I didn't even really
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 2: have that many details, but I was just writing about
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 2: sort of what came up for me after hearing it.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 2: And this guy happened to flip to this page and
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 2: he told me, I don't remember what he said, but he...
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 2: He received it well. And he, like, conveyed, like, respect
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: to me about, like, almost just being willing to write
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 2: about it, I guess. And just kind of said that
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: it was important. And so the blinking surge protector is
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 2: kind of reminding.
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: Me of him.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah. What do they call this in the military? The
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 2: blinking lights?
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 5: The.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 2: It's not braille. The S.O.S.? S.O.S. S.O.S.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: S.O.S.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 2: This is a French artist I'm humming this is a
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 2: French artist that I I remember exactly what I googled
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: to find her I was like French Taylor Swift it's
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: like who is the French Taylor Swift I don't know
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 2: how to say it I would guess it's like Andila
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: Andila it's like I-N-D-I-L-A I think it's just called S-O-S
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: It's one of the first French songs I learned the
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: words to.
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 1: One of the.
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 2: I don't think it's the first one. Andila. Hmm. I
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: wonder if this is a real name. But I actually
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: like a lot of her music. She has another song called. Andila.
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 2: She's born in 84. She's 42 years old, what the heck? Polydor?
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 2: What is Polydor?
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 1: Aww. Okay.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 2: Aww. I'm seeing some of her, like, credits, and these
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 2: names are very relevant to me. Aww, they're all very relevant. Okay, guys.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 2: It's a two-suit trance. It's a two-suit trance. It's a
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 2: two-suit trance. I think the first song I ever learned
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 2: the words to was ego. Ego. It's like ego. Like
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 2: your ego. But they say ego. So my understanding is
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 2: this is like the French Taylor Swift. Whatever that means.
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 2: Look her up. Look her up. Listen to SOS. Listen
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 2: to what else? She has a love story too? Dernière Danse.
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 2: Dernière Danse. I like the techno mix of Dernière Danse, personally,
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 2: but the original is pretty good, too. Oh, the song
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 2: you might know, if you're going to know any of these, like,
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 2: just from, like, TikTok, Tournée. This is, like, the sound
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: I struggle.
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: With the most.
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 2: Tournée dans la vide. It's, like, spinning in the void,
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 2: I think. Something like that. it's very repetitive pop music
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: but you know anyways okay I should go I should
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 2: go hope you enjoyed this yikes I this was necessary
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 2: for me I basically have like decided that this is
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 2: just like this is my talk therapy like We got friends.
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 2: We got friends. I don't really need to pay a
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 2: therapist anymore. I think I just am going to pay
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 2: for this subscription and put my voice out there. I
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 2: don't know if anybody's listening. I don't know if I'm
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 2: ever going to make money, but, you know, it's not
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: about that. It's really not. This is my monthly therapy contract.
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 2: So that's all I have.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: It's bedtime. And I'm in the dark now. They literally
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 2: turned the lights off. What the heck.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: Anyways.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 2: Bye.