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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just - The Practice of Genuine Humility 4.21.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  Trick yourself. And yet in this specific area of
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  getting used to being humbled. In other words, accepting the
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  fact that you sit in the back that you not listen to, that
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  someone doesn't give you a chance to say a word, that
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  someone doesn't invite you to, someone that sells you all the
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  classic stuff. Trick yourself to be OK with it
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  and get used to it and not. So a person develops a real,
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  firm, genuine humility and that is true.
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  Repeat and constant and slow and practice the awesome movie.
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  Now Hyatt Vonen, there's the point you were saying from last
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  week how it's Manuel and your name's Shanim.
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  Another way of developing this mindset is to think first one is
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  through how you practice and how you get accustomed to it.
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  I did. Ask you a question I missed
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  yesterday. I didn't listen to it.
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  There's thoughts about sitting in a more basic seed clothes,
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  that's great. Yeah, he says you have to carry
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  yourself the way he says a person has to actually get used
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  to practicing and getting accustomed to humility.
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  That means I'm trying to be low key and I got used to being low
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  key. And even if it's a sketch
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  originally, I really want to stay in the better seat, but I'm
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  accepting stay in the back seat. The solely happens is and only
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  slowly is that I'm OK. I do it, I'm OK with it.
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  Nothing happens. I see that I'm fine.
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  And there I was. I got accustomed to not being
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  treated like a big deal because I wasn't so noticed and I wasn't
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  in such a loud spot and I accepted it.
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  Dan Lee Smith, So the front row. Is going to be empty.
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  Yeah, I said this to someone from the front row.
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  I asked about this. You're right telling me
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  speaking, a person should not be singing the front row for the
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  sake of a row singing the front row.
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  Maybe for some other reason they could play better or whatever
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  other reason they're going to come up with, but for the sake
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  of front row itself, it shouldn't be in there.
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  Because if front row means you're going to be more noticed
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  and they have a more Hazaka barus and therefore you know
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  more of a thing and you're playing into the opposite of
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  your motives, you're playing into being relevant.
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  How we've said relevancy and being being busy being relevant
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  to really plays into directly arrogance because if I am busy
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  with being noticed, relevant, heard from invited to being
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  recognized as a big deal, I'm into that in a sense.
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  I'm playing right into the mindset that I need to be a big
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  deal. And then that's arrogance.
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  Some people often say, you know, I don't.
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  I'm not arrogant. I don't get assaulted life
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  something you notice. I just want to be a thing.
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  I want to be. You're right.
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  Are you a core? You're absolutely right.
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  You have a right to exist. Like we said on Saturday night,
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  you have a right to feel good. You have a right to recognize.
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  Well, that's true, but you're tiptoeing on a real need of
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  arrogance and you notice that same person who just wants to be
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  noticed and just wants to exist and just wants irrelevant, but
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  also eventually just get insulted and just get hurt and
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  just get upset and just get angry and just get frustrated.
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  Because the more a person is dependent on existing in the
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  eyes of others, the more he feeds into that, the more his
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  life is built and modeled into being that.
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  And then he runs the risk of all those hard things that come and
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  all those issues that come with trying to be a big deal.
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  It's the reality of life. If I live life with flashy
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  clothing, front seat, I demand attention, I demand being spoken
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  to, and I can't sit at the back of the table and I get upset if
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  they ignore me. If I live that life, that's
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  automatically going to feed into an existence that needs to be a
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  very big deal. And that right there may not be
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  officially arrogance, but same thing as error.
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  That's his point. She had to practice being OK
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  with being low key. That's what you need now.
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  A4 succeed a lot of people. That really like that.
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  What? Like when we're talking about
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  Leslie, that's sitting in like seating charts, the holidays and
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  jewels. Like this guy turns into, you
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  know, the most managed known psychopath over.
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  You know absolutely bringing it 20 years, right?
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  True. Well, that stuff happens.
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  I I don't know from I'm sitting in those seats.
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  I don't really know the feeling, but I guess is what happens is,
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  is that people never minds think, play it out.
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  OK, they gave me a bad seat. They gave the Bento backwards
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  for so and so. It must be because they give a
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  lot, or they're well off, or they're much more popular.
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  It could be anything. And they translate it as I'm not
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  worth anything. Put anything in your mind.
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  You can put any reason you want in your money, right?
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  And a lot of times the reason, not even some are true.
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  You know what they are true. You know what if you're a, a
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  person who's living on the life of being relevant, we're not
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  going to call them arrogant, but it's one of the same if you're
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  living that mindset, all these things get you crazy.
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  And if you're a person who accepted low key and who accepts
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  being genuine, it was OK just being a regular person.
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  No one. Imagine that person.
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  Just imagine that person who's very well off and nobody knows
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  it. OK, the guy gives money to the
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  shul behind the scenes and nobody knows it and he's treated
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  like a regular person. She's like a regular guy.
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  Such a person which doesn't really exist that much in the
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  world. Such a person is literally
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  living the life of character. Why?
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  Because that person is going to develop a sense of I'm just, I'm
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  treated the same way. That means I'm kind of low key.
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  That means and no one sweats that I'm around.
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  No one bends all about course with me too much.
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  No one is nervous of what I have to say.
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  That is the type of person you all wish to be.
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  That's the key. Yeah.
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  We want to be that person who's who's blessed.
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  Well, it seemed like the person is a regular guy.
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  That's literally the person you want to be because you're
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  genuine. You have real friends still.
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  You still are treated like a real person.
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  You are treated just the same and you able to develop like a
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  regular person. The moment people start going
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  with the with the, you know, the diva prima Donna attention and
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  you run the risk of not really knowing the truth of who you are
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  and how you're treated. And you're right.
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  You compare a guy who doesn't have that's the guy who does
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  have they're treated very differently, typically in
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  different organizations and and then they somewhat deserve to be
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  treated differently. By the way, some of this is
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  deserved. A lot of us deserve if one guy
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  is taken care of, I don't know 10% of the shoes issues, right?
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  Or the school's money, he deserves to be treated that way.
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  So now this really runs a major risk because he's treated that
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  way because he deserves it. But now he doesn't really know
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  the truth and now he can't really accept being a regular
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  guy. And you're allowed these risks.
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  We want to be people who are OK being treated like a regular
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  person. Why?
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  Because then you develop a regular sense of character and
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  you're OK with normal issues, and that makes you much more of
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  a genuine person. If you are demanding, expecting,
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  frustrated when you're not treated properly, those things,
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  you don't know the truth. You have no idea how you would
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  function in a regular society, and you don't really know what
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  regular life looks like, and you can't develop regular character.
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  This is a challenge, right? And the reality is, it's hard to
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  work around this challenge. The only way to do it is treat
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  all people equal. But was it?
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  Always like that. Like like my favorite story to
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  hear his daltered story when the rabbi sent the so and so his
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  money back because he wasn't where the rabbi wanted the money
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  to come to the halt, right. Having to hear like a story like
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  that. And then, OK, maybe they if
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  someone could say, oh, he could have driven him away, whatever,
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  but he didn't anything. He made the what they stand for
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  so much more. So, you know, it's like a SO.
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  The truth is always Dad takes a certain level of strength.
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  Such a person didn't take what didn't take money from someone,
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  according to the story, who we didn't approve of.
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  I'd say organization don't do it.
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  All right, We didn't approve of the way they made their money or
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  whatever. Well, it doesn't say more from
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  certain people didn't approve. So now that takes a certain type
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  type of strength. And it's also, yeah.
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  It's also borderline but and it could insult someone do turn.
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  Away did it all and maybe not consistent.
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  All this is on the. Table have to know who you're
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  doing that. To but the the depth of that
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  mindset is very impressive, which is the idea that you could
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  treat people somewhat equal. It's very difficult to do.
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  It's very, very difficult to and they talk about great people,
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  how that was the thing that they that you couldn't tell if
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  talking to a wealthy person or not a wealthy person.
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  It's a very difficult level and it's hard to get done.
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  Why? Because these sources, these,
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  let's say they're rabbis, leaders, whatever it is, they
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  see them literally getting 4 on the table from these people and
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  now they have to treat everyone the same.
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  It's difficult, but it does for the well person.
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  It does do them a great service. You're doing a wealthy person a
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  very big disservice if you don't level with him like a normal
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  person. Why?
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  Because you can never actually function at a cellular like a
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  human being. He's completely being stretched.
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  He has fake friends treat her fakely.
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  He's got nothing right. Even his family treat.
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  Something right, Right. Because they're scared of him.
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  Yeah, I understand. They're scared of him.
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  They're afraid of what he's going to say if all these
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  things. And maybe that's God bless them
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  into that position. That's true somewhat.
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  But at the same time, he cannot adopt this mida, which is 1 of
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  humility. You want the humility of being
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  genuine. Humility and genuine is 1 and
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  the same. Shake it and God of Oz wanted to
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  say arrogance is fake. Why is arrogance fake?
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  Because no one has the right to be arrogant.
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  We all have no source of our success.
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  We all have nothing to do with what we're holding.
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  And we know the right to be arrogant.
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  And someone who carries himself with loud words and makes a big
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  deal on these things, that person is a sketch.
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  That's the point, right? How do you get to your move?
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  Now let's step further though. How do you get to this mindset,
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  this approach, aside from the practice, which is very key and
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  asking your friends to treat you like a human being and by your
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  rabbi and those who are involved with you treat me like a regular
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  person and be OK with that. On top of that Haid bonen who al
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  nahim Shanim right, Another contemplation different areas
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  that makes you humble different ways.
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  One is Al had one vote from the rabbi who I'm is Muscar, but the
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  I keep a caviar da nayebata. No where you came from.
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  No where you had it. Where we come from.
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  Tipasa luja. A small drop.
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  It means to where the person provided from.
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  It's nothing. He comes from nothing because
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  there's parents. He comes from nothing.
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  Small drop. And where you going?
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  Lemcom Afar Rima vitola. Where are we all headed?
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  It's a beautiful place called the ground, full of dirt and
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  worms, just being very real with us.
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  Dirt and worms, etcetera, right? What's the point?
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  The point is, I cannot change that.
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  I can try all I want. I can spend billions of dollars.
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  I cannot change the fact that I am headed to the dust.
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  There's no other way. And who am I going to stand in
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  front of God? Now you play those three points
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  out, you become automatically an unbelievably humble person.
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  If you think about that too much, you feel like a zero,
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  right? Where am I coming from?
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  Nothing. Where am I hated?
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  Where am I hated to less than nothing, a dirty version of
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  nothing dirt not just stop nothing.
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  I made it to dirt worms. This is rough, right?
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  And who am I standing in front of Hashem who can see everything
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  I've ever done And he thought that I ever had any comment to
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  ever made any approach I was inappropriate, any dishonesty
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  that was wrong. Any move that I made to hurt
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  another person who can tell everything I've done, I'm in for
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  it right now. What does that do?
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  Should it scare you? Yes, but more importantly than
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  scare you, he should say chill out.
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  Relax with the oh, the compliment someone showed you.
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  Relax with the credit that you're demanding.
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  Relax is the fact that you're upset and so and so didn't
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  realize what you did for them. Right?
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  All those things that we have in our mind.
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  All right, relax. Why relax?
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  Because you put everything on the table.
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  Chill out. You're not that big a deal and
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  neither am I. That is supposed to bring us all
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  down to way beneath human mentality to go.
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  That's not meant to be a disservice.
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  This is actually meant to be an unbelievable service.
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  Why? Because if I would know the
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  truth and I'd see myself in the real light, where I came from,
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  where I'm headed, and who I'm going to stand in front of the
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  big three, if I would see myself with these three approaches, I
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  would never get upset again, never get super hurt again.
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  And people can mess me over. That's true.
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  People can hurt me. People are going to attempt to
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  hurt me, but at the same time, I'm not going to take in a sense
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  and say do they know who I'm dealing with?
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  So they know my reputation, they know what I've done.
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  That's true. You have a great reputation.
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  You've done a lot. I'm very, very proud.
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  I'm very impressed by it. It's reality, but you can use
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  that on channel two ways you can use it to be do they wouldn't
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  know I'm as some people stop midlife and they're on there
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  reflecting on how certain ball players have a retirement tour.
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  All right, it's in the entire year on the retirement tour.
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  Do you know what talking about? Sure.
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  Why does it get me nervous gets me nervous because the guys in
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  the league 15 years all right, 15 years two of the first two
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  years he spent breaking into the league.
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  He had a couple of years that he was injured reserve.
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  I don't know. This last year is 115th of your
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  entire career, right? You're spending a big percentage
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  of retired career, right? 8%, whatever it is of your
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  career, getting accolades and again, playing the game.
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  It's part of your life. Some people spend their life and
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  even longer than that on a retirement tour.
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  They did something when they were 30, right?
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  3235404550 you name it, whatever it is and spend the rest of
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  their life reflecting on what they've done.
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  That and now they expect a pound of activists in life.
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  If you hit the retirement tour, that means you basically are
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  saying to yourself, I'm done. I do what I have to do.
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  You know what, you have a lot more to go, a lot more to do, a
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  lot more to accomplish, and you don't want to be the end of the
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  book, right? So that's the same thing.
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  When someone has been in their reflective mood and they expect
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  other people to treat them that way, their retirement tour, they
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  basically say my career is over and I deserve the pound in the
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  back. No, you have more to go.
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  Relax with the accomplishments, chill out with what you've done.
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  Continue to understand that there's much more to go.
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  And you know what? The end of the at the end of the
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  book might be the finest chapter.
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  This is what a person has to realize and this is what he's
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  telling you over here. Understand where you came from,
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  where you're headed, where you're going to deal with, and
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  then you go back to basic. I'm a basic individual.
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  There's nothing about me that deserves anything.
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  You go down that road, you can push forward, you can handle
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  things. You can be, you know, wronged
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  and handle it. You can be insulted and deal
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  with it. You can be treated mistreated
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  and you can go on, right? And you're functioning like a
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  regular and being genuine, real, humble like a regular person
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  supposed to be, not with a fake, hollow, bloated, angry,
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  frustrated, always insulted, always mistreated mentality
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  tattoos of people in the world. There's one guy that's going
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  crazy every other minute, the other guy's loving life.
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  The difference is literally this, knowing where you stand.
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  And this is not meant to break you down.
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  This is meant to make you realize the truth.
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  That's all. What he's telling you right here
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  is the truth. The truth is you came from
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  nothing. The truth is they.
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  No offense, all added to nothing.
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  It's all the truth and if you have the mentality you can
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  accomplish the world. But as a real person, nobody
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  wants to be sketched. Right.
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  So I feel like that works. Like my father was telling me,
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  take the biggest guy, yeah, treat him like 0, right?
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  And he comes back learning more. Yeah, honey percent.
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  A real guy. Yeah, a real guy.
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  Yeah, they but but keep on, you know, kissing up to him, right?
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  The guys become undeable and then you lose them completely
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  from your whole world. Because why are you without a
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  person? And I've dealt with this.
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  I am, I am naturally inclined to be a, what's the word A and a
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  pacifist. I'm some of the ones that make
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  people comfortable. My nature, OK.
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  And when you do that too much and you try to bend over
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  backwards too much and the way that makes everyone feel like
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  you're worth $1,000,000, which is a very nice trait in general.
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  Not to get the bad trait, but if you do too much, you run the
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  risk of allowing a person to be an abusive person, to be a
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  difficult person, and to be really a fake person because
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  they have no idea what life knows about this.
• 17:37
  Someone I know is on my mind who I did this for a long time too,
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  and they end up basically ended up blowing up and it was bad for
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  them to be honest with you, it was bad for them.
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  They never learnt what life is about and they never actually
• 17:51
  dealt with a person in a position like mine who actually
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  doesn't is not doesn't go for this type of garbage.
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  I didn't realize that I ended up really backfiring his life in my
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  humble opinion, because you never really had nothing to do
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  anything. You got to allow a person.
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  Now this is a risk because you might lose people this way,
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  right? I'm not telling you as a leader
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  or as a father or as a grandfather to be tough in
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  general. You have to be at the level with
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  them in a real way, a father with his children.
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  You find out that you know that your child doing something
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  that's not proper right? So you could you could listen,
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  you don't, you know, we don't do the whole thing.
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  We don't want to lose them. We don't want them to stop
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  telling us the truth. We all want this risk.
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  I'm dealing with this risk right now all the time.
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  I don't want them to stop hiding what happened in school, not
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  telling what happens in their private life if I get upset at
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  them by the same time, if you just make life too cozy, So
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  little kids that make sense. But eventually over time, there
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  will be times that you have to tell them, I don't approve and
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  I'm not, I'm not going to accept it.
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  It is that time. And when you do that, you're
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  leveling with them. You're doing it for them.
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  Something that's going to hurt them.
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  You know what? That one move that you did
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  whatever twice in their life, whatever few times you do in
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  life, it won't be the best thing for them because they will stop
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  and look and say, am I doing the right thing?
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  I'm doing the wrong thing. But if they just fly this life,
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  cozy life, comfortable life, and never are told by anybody and
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  making a mistake, doing the wrong thing, and then never
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  will, never will learn what life is about.
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  This is the danger of allowing a person to think after
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  everything. We like to make people
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  comfortable. We love making people
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  comfortable for sure. And in the, to our perspective,
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  make it feel warm and make it feel good and make it feel
• 19:37
  welcoming. Absolutely.
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  That's what the shoe is about. For example, that's the certain
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  minds that they're about 100%. But you don't want to feed into
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  a mentality that builds a person, a fake version of
• 19:50
  themselves for your children, for your family, for your
• 19:54
  congregants, for your friends. If you allow them to become that
• 19:57
  way, they will be abusive, they'll be difficult, they'll be
• 20:02
  a problem, and they'll never know.
• 20:05
  And they wish someone told I'm younger when they were younger.
• 20:08
  And you know why you make no mistake, they wish I think that
• 20:12
  I tell you right. All these mentalities will
• 20:20
  destroy fake thing called arrogance and bring you back to
• 20:24
  be humble. When a person stares and
• 20:29
  analyzes the preetute home lo to realize how limited or not
• 20:37
  limited, how small he really is in physical sense and Lord Tom,
• 20:43
  any person will lose his reason, Lina say Claude ella levosche
• 20:49
  villi callem. Any person will lose his sense
• 20:53
  of arrogance and his sense of being about other people.
• 20:57
  He'll be embarrassed and he'll be humbled.
• 20:59
  If you think any person's full life, he put it in front of the
• 21:02
  public. All right, let me play it out
• 21:04
  this way. You take a big deal guy, some
• 21:06
  guy's a big deal, and you put his entire life story in public.
• 21:11
  Was there? Would there be some part that's
• 21:13
  shameful, Some part it's embarrassing?
• 21:16
  Some girl he dated that he didn't treat properly, It was
• 21:18
  something he did wrong, some small business deal that he did
• 21:20
  in the beginning that he really wishes you had back, right?
• 21:23
  Something that he treated his parents at one point in life
• 21:25
  that he really did not proud of. Of course, there is some
• 21:28
  neighbor that he got upset at that he doesn't want people to
• 21:30
  see the yelling, right? Sometime they was parking and
• 21:33
  somewhere and he bumped in someone's car and he just went
• 21:36
  on to wait. There's something there.
• 21:37
  I mean, every person's got something.
• 21:39
  And if you would put that all in the community public and these
• 21:43
  people who walk around like he has to call in the old days,
• 21:47
  Heidi Teddy, Hottie, Tatsi, you name it, these people all of a
• 21:51
  sudden lose the whole Heidi Teddy.
• 21:53
  Why? Because in reality, there's
• 21:56
  something there that's embarrassing.
• 21:57
  So how about we live our lives we done on our money, not to
• 22:03
  make us embarrassed and ashamed and and low, but to make us
• 22:07
  real. The more real you are, the next
• 22:09
  time someone wrongs you, you look and you say they messed up.
• 22:13
  It's their base. I feel bad for them, but I'm not
• 22:17
  going to say that. Do they know what they're
• 22:18
  dealing with? Maybe I can say, do they know my
• 22:21
  reputation? Do they know that I'm a good guy
• 22:23
  and they're mistreating me? But I'm not going to say, do
• 22:26
  they know what they're messing with?
• 22:27
  That's not going to work. Instead, I'm going to continue
• 22:30
  all my way. I'm going to retain the humble
• 22:32
  straight way and I'm going to recognize that I live life in a
• 22:36
  very leveled, real, genuine four way.
• 22:40
  That's the point that you have when you see life, and that's
• 22:43
  why.