Latest / Off The Kirb Ministries / Atheist Accidentally Buys Jesus Wristband and God Speaks To Her Through It

Transcript

Atheist Accidentally Buys Jesus Wristband and God Speaks To Her Through It · Off The Kirb Ministries

0:00
If you've never seen my wife before, where you're about to
0:02
meet her because it's literally been three years since she's
0:06
come on the channel and I finally convinced her to come
0:08
back on because it's our 10 year wedding anniversary.
0:11
So I think you're gonna like what she's going to share with
0:14
you right now. This is the story of how God
0:18
changed my life. You often hear the question.
0:21
People will say, well, you know you're only a Christian because
0:24
you were brought up in a Christian home.
0:26
You know, that's the only reason that you believe what you
0:28
believe because it's what you, your parents believed and it's
0:31
all you've ever known. Well, that couldn't be further
0:33
from the truth in my story. So I did not grow up in a
0:37
Christian home. In fact, there was number
0:39
religious influence in our home at all.
0:41
We would be what you'd describe as an atheistic family.
0:45
So the belief that there is absolutely no afterlife, there
0:48
is no chance of there being a God.
0:50
So that was our belief system growing up as children.
0:53
You know, we wouldn't have Bibles in the home.
0:55
Interestingly, I went to a so over here in the OK, we have
1:01
schools which can be funded by the Church of England.
1:04
They're not necessarily evangelical Christian schools,
1:08
but they would definitely have Christian morals and Christian
1:12
teachings within them. So I went to a Church of
1:16
England's primary school because my dad's family, they were
1:21
Catholic and they wanted us as children to, to have some kind
1:26
of religious input because there was absolutely none coming from
1:30
the home. And I remember really vividly, I
1:32
was six years old and once a month we would have an assembly
1:37
with a special visitor who was a Christian evangelist, and he
1:40
would come in and he would tell us all a story.
1:43
We'd sing some hymns on his guitar and that would be that.
1:45
But I remember really vividly this one particular assembly
1:49
when he told a story and it was very simple about how a boy had
1:55
lied to his friend about a bike. And it really, really struck me
2:00
because that morning my mum said, Emma, have you eaten your
2:03
breakfast? And I was like, yeah, yeah,
2:05
yeah, I've eaten it all know in full.
2:06
Well, I hadn't eaten all my breakfast.
2:08
I'd put it in the bin. And the Christine evangelist,
2:11
he, he never mentioned the word hell.
2:13
He never mentioned judgment. He never mentioned any skirt
2:17
tactics, if you will. I know sometimes people will
2:19
say, Oh, well, you know, you were, you were scared into your
2:22
faith. There was none of that.
2:24
He just said how even as children we do things wrong.
2:27
And that really struck me, really struck me to the point
2:30
where I was sat in floods of tears in this assembly at six
2:34
years old. It was a real deep conviction
2:37
that I had lied to my mum. Why did I lie to my mum?
2:40
Why did I do that? I didn't, I obviously didn't
2:42
want to get into trouble, but why did I feel that need to do
2:46
something wrong? And it really, really struck me.
2:48
And I remember all my little friends around me were like, I
2:51
ever watched the mat. So like, why, why are you upset?
2:53
Because let's be honest, most kids at six years old in an
2:56
assembly just kind of sit gazing out the window, picking the
2:59
nose. But I I can see now looking back
3:02
how God had his hand upon me even at that young age.
3:05
So I went home that evening and I was like, Mum, we need to go
3:09
to church, you know, we need to know more about Jesus.
3:11
And she was like, well, absolutely no way.
3:13
Because that's not true. It's not real.
3:15
That was her viewpoint. So I felt really conflicted
3:19
inside because I was thinking, well, you know, why would this
3:22
teacher say that Jesus is this wonderful person that gives us
3:27
hope? And yet my mum's like, well, he
3:29
doesn't even exist. And I just wouldn't let it go to
3:31
the point where my mum actually went into the school.
3:34
She kicked off a bit of a stink, basically saying that, you know,
3:37
I was becoming obsessive with wanting to know more about Jesus
3:41
and, and religion. And it got so bad that she
3:44
actually pulled me out of that school and she put me into
3:47
what's called a community primary school.
3:49
So over here, that just basically means that the school
3:52
is funded by the local council. There is no church influence or
3:57
any kind of religious influence going on in that school.
4:00
Yes, you would do religious studies, but it was very much
4:03
just factual level. So I was put in this Community
4:06
School and amazingly, a few weeks after I started, the
4:10
Christian evangelist got a contract at this Community
4:13
School to come and take an assembly once a month.
4:16
But I was banned from his assemblies.
4:17
So I wasn't a allowed to go down and listen to what he had to
4:21
say. But I remember really vividly he
4:23
would walk past me. I used to have to, I used to
4:25
have to sit in like this little library area.
4:27
Well, everybody went down and he'd be the last person to go
4:30
down. And I remember every time he
4:33
passed me, he'd say good morning, Emma, I hope you have a
4:36
good day. You know, general chitchat.
4:38
He was so friendly to me and I was mortified.
4:40
Like, I didn't want to give him eye contact because I knew my
4:43
mum had gone into the other school and, you know, made him
4:47
feel, made him question, you know, had he said things that
4:51
were scaring children into, into wanting to believe in God, which
4:55
he hadn't. So I was a bit like, Oh no.
4:57
But it really struck me how he just had such a genuine care and
5:01
love for me. Like he would have been within
5:04
his rights to just walk on past me and think, oh, there's that,
5:07
that girl with the, you know, troublemaking family.
5:10
But no, he was so loving towards me.
5:12
So that always stuck with me. Like I said, I was just six
5:15
years old at this point. So then life kind of happens.
5:18
My mum and dad got divorced when I was eight years old.
5:21
That was a very messy divorce. There was a lot of violence, a
5:24
lot of pain. We actually had to go and live
5:26
in what's called, like, safe housing for a year.
5:29
So basically, my dad had no contact with us.
5:32
He wasn't allowed to know our address where we were living.
5:34
And then you kind of think, well, OK, that is, it's
5:38
traumatic and it's, it's horrendous as a child to
5:42
experience that. But also there was a sense of
5:44
relief when the divorce happened because we were like, we're safe
5:47
now as a family and we can be happy.
5:49
And it was really lovely because my mum used to say when we get
5:52
our new house, it's, we're going to call it the happy home.
5:54
But sadly it was far from the happy home.
5:57
So at this point, I think I would have been coming up to
5:59
about 9-10 years old, probably 10 years old at this point.
6:03
And my mum, she always sees the best in everybody and she met a
6:07
man who had recently just come out of prison.
6:10
He had a lot of issues, but he was a bit like a Jekyll and a
6:13
Hyde character. He had this really amazing side
6:16
to him where he was so gifted. He was an incredible artist,
6:19
incredible singer, very caring, loved nature.
6:23
And then he had this other side which was really aggressive and
6:26
angry and violent and bitter. And that side was tied up with a
6:31
lot of dependency upon alcohol. So that was really difficult.
6:36
I think my mum, she just wanted to help him.
6:39
She wanted him to become a better man.
6:40
And she always felt like she could fix these people.
6:43
But yeah, our family home, there was a lot of pain there.
6:47
And I, I just wanted to be away from it.
6:51
So, you know, life is kind of just going on.
6:54
I had a lot of anxiety growing up.
6:56
I had a lot of big questions, you know, what is the point to
6:59
life? You know, what's the meaning?
7:00
Is there any meaning? Could there be something after
7:02
death? You know, all these kind of
7:04
questions and I just felt like there were no answers to them.
7:07
So I just kind of threw myself into my studies, my friendship
7:09
groups, doing your typical teenage things, you know, going
7:13
out to the clubs and the pubs. And funny enough, I never, I
7:17
never actually went down the whole route of drinking alcohol.
7:21
I think because I'd seen the damage that it had caused in our
7:24
family home. There was already a bit of a
7:26
wariness towards it and I genuinely didn't like the taste.
7:30
So I was like, why would I spend all that money on something
7:32
which tastes like you're drinking acid?
7:34
So that was that was just me, but I was very much involved
7:37
with the the crowds that were out drinking because it kept me
7:40
out of the home. I worked four jobs by the time I
7:43
turned 16 because I just, yeah, I just wanted to, I guess escape
7:48
and keep busy. So that's what I did.
7:50
And then speed up a little bit more to when I had just turned
7:54
18 and I was a few weeks off going to university, one of my
7:58
friends had said let's go to this music festival, big, big
8:02
music festival called Leeds Fest.
8:04
So Leeds is a place in the UK for any everybody watching this
8:07
overseas and yeah, they're just this huge, huge, huge farmers
8:11
field and there are loads of bands playing music, there's
8:14
food stalls, you camp there. But there is a lot of immorality
8:19
happening there. There's a lot of drinking,
8:21
there's a lot of promiscuous behaviour, you name it, it's all
8:24
going on at this festival. And here I am stone cold sober
8:28
with all these people that are intoxicated.
8:31
And it was one particular night, early hours of the morning.
8:34
And I remember just standing in this sea of young people, like
8:39
there were thousands and thousands of teenagers and they
8:42
were all just so lost. They all just looked so
8:44
incredibly lost, like just so intoxicated.
8:48
Just they didn't know who they were, where they were, what they
8:51
were doing. There were people hooking up.
8:54
And I'm like you, you, you've not even a clue who that person
8:56
is. And it was just, I felt so
8:58
incredibly lost. And I isolated and I felt a real
9:02
sense of dread and panic. And it's hard to put into words.
9:06
I don't know if anybody watching this has ever suffered with
9:08
panic attacks or anxiety, but can't really explain or describe
9:12
the, the feeling, the sensation. It's just a real sense of dread,
9:16
panic fight, flight mode. It's just, it's, it's awful.
9:21
And I remember just feeling incredibly lost and empty
9:24
thinking. I remember the thought going
9:25
through my mind was what's the point?
9:28
What is the point of life, you know, if this is all we live
9:32
for, if this is the big high at the end of a working week or you
9:36
know, you, you work, work, work in a dead end job or even a
9:39
career that you're really happy with.
9:41
But why? What's the point just so that
9:43
you can have a week getting drunk and sleeping around?
9:46
And is this is this what pleasure is?
9:48
Because it's really empty to me. And I just thought, there's no
9:52
point to life if there's nothing more.
9:54
If there's nothing greater than this temporary fulfilment,
9:58
temporary happiness, then it is absolutely pointless.
10:02
So I'm feeling all these feelings, feeling really like
10:05
ah. To be honest, I probably looked
10:07
the most intoxicated in that moment, ironically.
10:10
But I looked up from all these people and I saw a tent like
10:16
halfway down the field. And this tent was a Salvation
10:19
Army tent. At the time I just thought they
10:22
were volunteers for the Army because you would have different
10:26
tents at these festivals, like gazebo style tents.
10:29
They might be selling hoodies and, and sweatpants and they
10:34
might be selling, you know, little key rings or whatever.
10:36
But this particular attempt was a Salvation Army.
10:38
And there were young people similar age to me and they were
10:41
offering help and aid to all these intoxicated people.
10:46
And they had such a joy about them and a peace and it was just
10:50
radiating from them. And I was like, how can you
10:53
stand here because you're sober? Like I'm sober.
10:55
How can you stand here and watch what is happening and not be
10:59
troubled by and also not be angry and think, you know, leave
11:02
them in the pit of despair because they've done that to
11:05
themselves. Why are you carrying them to the
11:08
medical tent? Why are you carrying them to a
11:10
paramedic? Why are you giving them free
11:12
water and wrapping them in thermal blankets?
11:15
Why are you doing that? And you're doing that with such
11:18
a joy about you. So I just knew in that moment
11:20
those people had something that I quite clearly didn't have and
11:24
I wanted. So I just walked over to this
11:26
tent again. Remember, I'm all mixed up with
11:28
these feelings and I just didn't know what to say.
11:31
So I said something along the lines of I want what you have,
11:35
how can I have it? And I remember this young guy,
11:38
he just looked at me and he probably thought, you know,
11:41
she's intoxicated, but he just looked at me and he just said, I
11:43
mean, you know, you could, you can buy a wristband, you know,
11:46
that would be helpful. That would, that would, that
11:48
would support us. So I would just nodded.
11:50
And I was like, yeah, OK, I'll buy a wristband because I, I, I,
11:53
yeah, I just didn't, I didn't know what to say or what to do.
11:57
So I bought this wristband and on the wristband it said
11:59
salvation. I sadly don't have that
12:02
wristband anymore. It just basically disintegrated
12:04
into nothing because I wore it every day, every single day,
12:09
whether I was in the bath, in the shower, and the swimming
12:11
pool. I did not take that bracelet
12:13
off. I had no idea what salvation
12:15
meant, but for me, that wristband represented the thing
12:19
that I was searching for, that piece, that security, that joy.
12:23
So a few weeks after that festival, I think it's gonna be
12:26
three weeks after. Four weeks after that festival,
12:29
I started university and there was a Christian on my course who
12:34
sat next to me one particular day.
12:36
And this Christian said, oh, are you a believer?
12:39
And I was like, what? What a weird question.
12:42
A believe a believer in? A believer in what?
12:45
And they were like, oh, I'm really sorry.
12:46
It's just like you're wearing a wristband that says salvation.
12:49
That's a Christian term. Like, are you a born again
12:52
Christian? And I just laughed in this
12:54
person's face. I was, I was quite rude
12:55
actually. And I was like, absolutely no
12:57
way. Like, no, I'm absolutely not a
12:59
Christian. Like everybody knows that.
13:02
That's just a made-up fairy tale book to help people cope with
13:05
the difficulties of life. Like it's not real.
13:07
So then this person was like, well, why are you wearing like a
13:11
Christian wristband then if you've no interest?
13:14
And I was like, well, you know, and I didn't know what to say.
13:17
And they were like, you do know what salvation means, don't you?
13:20
And I was like, yes, of course I know what salvation means.
13:23
When actually I hadn't a clue what salvation meant.
13:27
I still thought the Salvation Army worked for the Army.
13:30
So that then made me think, OK, I need to go away and Google
13:34
what is salvation? So that's exactly what I went
13:36
away and did. And that's when the penny
13:38
dropped. I was like, oh, OK, so the
13:41
Salvation Army, they're Christians and salvation.
13:45
Wow. I mean, this, this is, this is,
13:48
this is like the, the whole message of Christianity.
13:51
So then I was faced with almost this dilemma.
13:55
Like I felt like I was at a bit of a crossroads because I was
13:57
like, those people at that festival had what I want, but
14:01
they were Christians. And I've spent my whole life
14:04
thinking, you know, Christianity is a load of rubbish.
14:06
It's nonsense. And I've always been very close
14:10
to my mum and obviously, you know, she wouldn't lie to me.
14:14
Why would she tell me Jesus and God isn't real?
14:16
Because if it was real, she would have told me it was real.
14:20
And if she's telling me it's a lot of rubbish, then it's a lot
14:22
of rubbish, right? You know, because you, you trust
14:25
the word of your parents. So I was faced this real dilemma
14:27
of, well, do I explore Christianity or do I just say,
14:31
oh, well, actually it's a lot of rubbish.
14:33
They were just, you know, it's nonsense.
14:35
It's nonsense. It's a false sense of security.
14:38
There was people had at the festival and for a little while
14:41
I battled with this thought in my mind until I came to a place
14:45
where I thought, you know what, I'm a hypocrite because I'm
14:49
saying I'm not willing to to pursue Christianity or
14:53
investigate any further because I know it's rubbish.
14:55
I know it's nonsense. I know it's not real.
14:57
But actually I've never considered it truly for myself.
15:01
I've never read a Bible. I don't even own a Bible.
15:04
I've never been in an evangelical church, a Bible,
15:07
believe in church. I've only who have been to
15:09
funerals, christenings, weddings.
15:11
I've never, yeah, I've never considered this.
15:14
So that makes me a really big hypocrite.
15:17
And I think when you're at university, you know, you, you,
15:19
you're studying, aren't you? You're in the world of academia,
15:23
let's say, and you're wanting to debate and discover who you are
15:28
and what is this big world we live in.
15:30
So there was also that side of it where I was like, I really
15:33
actually, I want to explore this.
15:34
I want to see what is this Christianity all about?
15:37
So that's what I did. So I got myself a Bible.
15:40
I started to read the Bible. The Christian who I'd met on the
15:43
course that had challenged me, they put me in touch with a
15:46
local church to the university that I was at.
15:48
And I remember I didn't go for a good few weeks because I was
15:52
just, I was so worried about how they would judge me.
15:55
How would they view me? Bear in mind, I had no concept
15:59
of what a Christian worship service was like.
16:03
So I thought, you know, you have to wear like a big funny hat and
16:07
you have to wear like floor length clothing.
16:09
Not there's anything wrong with that, but I just thought that's
16:12
what you have to wear. And you'll be sprinkled with
16:14
holy water at the door. And they'll just, they'll just
16:17
judge me as like the world's biggest Sinner.
16:20
And I was terrified that it was going to be this place of fear
16:23
and judgment. But I eventually, again, I got
16:26
to a point where I was like, I just need to swallow my pride
16:28
and go. So I did.
16:30
And let me tell you, it was nothing like the picture I had
16:34
conjured up in my mind. Nobody sprinkled me with holy
16:37
water. You'll be pleased to know I
16:38
didn't wear a funny hat or floor length clothing.
16:41
And I, I couldn't believe what I was seeing to be honest.
16:46
Because obviously coming from a broken home, you see a lot of
16:49
dysfunction going on and there's a lot of arguments and pain and
16:53
nobody seems to get along. To then walk into a building, a
16:56
very basic building. There was nothing fancy.
16:59
There was number stained glass. It was just a very bog standard
17:02
basic building to see people from all different walks of
17:06
life, different races, different class type.
17:11
You had rich, you had poor, you had young, you had old, you had
17:14
disabled, you know, you had really intelligent people.
17:17
You had people that quite clearly were not in in good
17:21
circumstances. To see such a mix of people in
17:26
the same building with such unity, that really, really
17:30
struck, that was the thing that had the biggest impact upon me
17:32
because I was I, I just remember thinking, this is what a family
17:36
is like. They have such a bond that just
17:40
clearly cannot be broken. And humanly speaking, there
17:43
should be absolutely nothing that these people have in
17:46
common. Like these people should not be
17:48
getting on as well as they are. So why are they, what is it that
17:51
is uniting them to one another? So that spoke volumes to me to
17:55
see that love, that family unity.
17:58
I was like, wow, this is pretty profound.
18:01
This is pretty real. So I kept going back to that
18:05
church and I kept reading the Bible, and I came to a place
18:08
where I felt like for the first time, a lot of my questions were
18:11
being answered. Because if you truly, truly
18:14
study Christianity and the Bible and the historical accounts of
18:18
creation, you'll find that that is the most scientific
18:21
explanation for how we have ended up here with this
18:24
incredible universe. You know, we can't have the
18:27
creation without a creator. You know, everything that has
18:31
ever been created has intelligent design behind it.
18:34
So I felt like all my questions were being answered.
18:36
I was like, yes, this makes sense.
18:38
Yes, yes, this all makes sense. Life suddenly makes sense.
18:42
There is a bigger picture. There is a God in heaven and he
18:45
loves me. But I got to a point where I
18:47
thought that being a Christian was just about being a good
18:51
person, you know, living a good life, doing good things, not
18:54
swearing, not lying, you know, being kind to people that you
18:57
don't really want to be kind to. So every day I'm remember, I'd
19:00
wake up and I'd be like, OK, today's the day that I'm going
19:03
to be a Christian. You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna
19:05
not swear and I'm not gonna do this at work.
19:07
And I'm gonna just be really good, wholesome person.
19:11
And sure enough, I'd fail miserably.
19:13
So then I got quite disillusioned with Christianity.
19:16
I started to think they're all hypocrites.
19:18
It's a hypocritical religion because you can't keep this
19:21
standard of perfection. Nobody can live this way.
19:25
I mean, it's, it's impossible. So I felt, I felt like on the
19:28
one hand, I wanted to throw the, but on the other hand, I knew
19:31
that I can't let this go because I found so much truth in the
19:36
scriptures. So then one particular night I
19:39
was actually during my Bible reading for the day.
19:41
I used to write out certain passages just to help them stick
19:45
in my mind because like I said, this is the first time I've ever
19:48
picked up a Bible for myself and started to read for myself.
19:51
So I was writing out Psalm 51, which is the repentance Psalm of
19:56
King David. And it's as I was writing out
19:58
verse 7, which. Wash me and then I'll be whiter
20:03
than snow. And I remember as I'm writing
20:05
it, I'm like, wash me and then then I'm whiter than snow and I
20:11
remember putting the pen down and being like, I get it.
20:16
How, how could I, how could I miss this?
20:17
I get it. It's not about what we do.
20:20
It's not about us keeping this perfect standard.
20:22
Because if I could get to heaven on my own steam, off my own good
20:26
works, then Jesus died in vain. No, no, no, no, it is finished.
20:32
We trust in the finished work of Christ.
20:35
It's all Him. It is all him.
20:37
And it was like this real Ding like light bulb moment that
20:40
there's nothing I can offer him. There's nothing that I can give
20:44
him. There's nothing that I can do.
20:46
He has done it all. He is the sinless one that has
20:49
died for the Sinner and I need to give him my life.
20:52
And I remember in that moment just putting my pen down and
20:55
just praying to him and just saying, I know that there is
20:58
nothing I can do to be saved. You have done it all.
21:02
Please save me. Save me from my sins.
21:05
I turn from them. Give me the strength daily to
21:08
follow you. And it was that moment that I
21:10
truly repented of my sin. I think I'd already reached a
21:14
point where I believed in God. I believed in Jesus.
21:17
There's no way I could have doubted their existence.
21:20
But I hadn't repented of my sin. I hadn't been born again.
21:23
You know, even the the devil believes in God, but it doesn't
21:26
mean he's saved. And I think that was the moment
21:30
that Jesus saved me. So that Psalm, Psalm 51, is very
21:34
precious to me. In fact, really encourage
21:36
anybody to go give that a read. You could spend a lifetime alone
21:39
meditating on those words. So since then, since that
21:43
moment, it's been amazing the the journey that the Lord's
21:47
taken me on your life doesn't become perfect.
21:50
In fact, far from it. You face a lot of persecution.
21:54
I lost a lot of friends. They were all like, you've gone
21:56
crazy. You know, why aren't you coming
21:58
into the nightclubs anymore? You know, you never used to
22:00
drink, so you're fine to still come in the nightclubs.
22:03
I wasn't laughing at the same crude jokes they were all
22:06
laughing at. I wasn't watching the same
22:08
programs they were watching. And so to them it was like, oh,
22:11
well, it's like Emma's died. It's like she's no longer here
22:14
like that. You're this different person.
22:17
And I remember talking to a friend.
22:18
We kind of, we drifted apart and, and then and before we were
22:22
really close, but we drifted apart.
22:24
And I remember we met up for a coffee.
22:26
And I think she really appreciated it because I was
22:28
able to just explain to her how, you know, my life is so
22:32
different now. I'm not living for the weekend
22:34
anymore. I'm not living for the temporary
22:37
pleasure of a night, a nightclub and a dance floor.
22:40
I'm living for the king. You know, my whole perspective
22:43
has changed. And I think, yeah, because it
22:45
was a radical transformation and I had peace and I had joy even
22:51
amongst so many difficulties in life.
22:54
I just was filled with such a peace and a contentment that I
22:57
know where I'm going. And I know, I know that my life
23:00
has purpose and meaning. And there's so much more than
23:03
this. And I think that's the biggest
23:05
thing. I would encourage anybody who's
23:08
listening, if you don't know Jesus, if you you're not saved,
23:13
I would. My challenge to you would be
23:15
what have you got to lose? You know you have nothing to
23:19
lose by going out there and genuinely, seriously with
23:24
sincerity, searching the Scriptures for yourself.
23:27
So you know that that is God's word to us, that is, that is him
23:31
speaking to us. Just consider it for yourself.