Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #511 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#511 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Now, your family situation may look really really messy to
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: the outside world, it's yours and it's made.
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  Speaker 3: It's you if you've made them.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, but it works.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
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  Speaker 1: and dad.
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  Speaker 3: It's Friday. It's Friday. It's Friday. Can I say it again?
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: It is Friday. So so excited about it, mainly because
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  Speaker 3: tomorrow we move into our house.
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  Speaker 2: We got the keys yesterday, but the truck doesn't arrive
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  Speaker 2: until tomorrow.
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  Speaker 3: No, but that's okay. Guess what we get to clean
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  Speaker 3: all day today. That's it, Yaya than me. Hey, I'm
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  Speaker 3: going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm
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  Speaker 3: going to be in there. I'll be using all of
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  Speaker 3: the elbow grease that I have and then I don't know,
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  Speaker 3: finding something else to do. Handy, maybe handy. Maybe I'll
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  Speaker 3: go on check the surf. Don't think so, Hey, I'll
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: do better tomorrow. This is our favorite part of the week.
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  Speaker 3: It's the bit where we get to be intentional and reflective,
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  Speaker 3: the bit where we focus on the stuff that's happened,
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  Speaker 3: the things that we can learn about how to be
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  Speaker 3: better parents, because it's only through identifying and practicing this
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  Speaker 3: stuff that we get to be better. I mean, if
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  Speaker 3: we don't, like, get a paring coach, right, that's what
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  Speaker 3: the Happy Family's membership is for. But ultimately it's up
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  Speaker 3: to us to do the practice. If you want to
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  Speaker 3: get something good at something, you've got to practice. I
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: want to learn a language, that's what Duolingo's for, so
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  Speaker 3: that you can practice. I want to learn how to
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  Speaker 3: play a musical instrument. Practice. I wanted to learn to
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  Speaker 3: be a great parent. Practice. So intentional reflection about how
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  Speaker 3: things have gone over the last week, and hopefully there'll
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  Speaker 3: be some ideas in here that will be helpful for
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  Speaker 3: you in your home as you consider this weekend and
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  Speaker 3: next week and moving ahead with your family.
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  Speaker 2: The one shortfall in your little analogy there about practice, practice,
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  Speaker 2: practice is that if you just keep practicing the same
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  Speaker 2: things without new skill sets in place, yes, you're going
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  Speaker 2: to get the same outcome. Yes. And so as a parent,
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  Speaker 2: when you recognize that something's not working.
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  Speaker 3: You need to do something.
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  Speaker 2: Just seeing that over and over a can isn't always
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  Speaker 2: going to be the best outcome.
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  Speaker 3: I keep getting cranky at my kids when they're annoying me.
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  Speaker 3: I should practice. Yeah, yeah, I get it. We need
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  Speaker 3: to work out the response thank you. So hopefully we'll
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  Speaker 3: be able to share with you some ideas to help
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  Speaker 3: you to practice more effectively to be a happier parent.
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  Speaker 3: I'm going to go first this week because my one's
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  Speaker 3: really really short. The last well until like early this week,
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  Speaker 3: I've had COVID. I was in bed for a few
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  Speaker 3: days and pretty much locked myself away from the family,
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  Speaker 3: didn't have anything to do with anybody. It was miserable,
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  Speaker 3: watched I don't know how many hours of Netflix. It
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  Speaker 3: was just appalling. Head was foggy, couldn't really think. And
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  Speaker 3: when I say it was bad, I mean I've had
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  Speaker 3: man flu that's been far worse.
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  Speaker 2: But nothing beats manflu.
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  Speaker 3: No, no, Well, and I'm surprised that you actually know
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  Speaker 3: and understand that, given that you haven't had man flu,
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  Speaker 3: possible for you to have man flu. You have an
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  Speaker 3: idea how bad it is, I mean no idea. Yeah,
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  Speaker 3: it is no idea, But I know that COVID affects
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  Speaker 3: people in all sorts of different ways, some people terribly,
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  Speaker 3: some people not at all. For me. It was a
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  Speaker 3: sniffle and a cough and a little bit of a
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  Speaker 3: foggy head for a couple of days. Maybe it's because
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  Speaker 3: I've got excellent jeans. Maybe it's because I've had three
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  Speaker 3: vaccination booster thing. I've had the booster plus the double
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  Speaker 3: vax thing. Maybe it's was just.
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  Speaker 2: All that extra love and attention you got.
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  Speaker 3: Luck of the draw, any of those things. But my
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  Speaker 3: odd do better tomorrow is that for the entire week,
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  Speaker 3: the kids would call out from the door, can I
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  Speaker 3: come in and hug you? And I had to say
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  Speaker 3: no for day after day after consecutive day, and it
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  Speaker 3: was awful. I mean, of all of the things that
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  Speaker 3: that week in isolation did to me, it was the
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  Speaker 3: inability to hug you and the kids that was the
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  Speaker 3: hardest thing of all. So my odd do better tomorrow
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  Speaker 3: is a really simple one. Don't miss any opportunity to
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  Speaker 3: hug your kids because it's such a gift, it's such
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  Speaker 3: a privilege, and when you can't do it, it's astonishing
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  Speaker 3: just how much you miss it.
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  Speaker 2: I might have got a few extra hugs this week.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, let's just say I've made up for it. Since
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  Speaker 3: I've been allowed out of the bedroom. It's been really nice.
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  Speaker 3: After the break, we'll find out how Kylie is going
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  Speaker 3: to do things better tomorrow. The twenty first century is
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: a tricky time to be a teen girl. Alcohol, drugs,
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: mental health concerns, body image issues, technology, sex. Our daughters
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: face all these and more. The Happy Famili's Misconnection Summit
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: brings together the best modern day experts on teen girls
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  Speaker 3: to show you how to stay connected with your daughter
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: and help her face these challenges head on, Available online
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: via video at The Happy Family's webshop.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now. And I know
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  Speaker 2: you said that Friday is our favorite day, but sometimes
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  Speaker 2: it's our hard day when you have to look yourself
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  Speaker 2: in the mirror and recognize that there's what what are
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  Speaker 2: you looking at me? Like?
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  Speaker 3: I've got no idea where this is going. I'm trying
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  Speaker 3: to think of why looking yourself on a Friday it
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  Speaker 3: would be any different looking yourself.
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  Speaker 2: Because it's reflective, and when you're reflecting and recognizing that
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  Speaker 2: there are things that you need to work on, it
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  Speaker 2: actually can be a little bit tricky.
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  Speaker 3: You're being metaphorical.
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  Speaker 2: I literally Okay, well, I'm about to get very metaphorical,
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  Speaker 2: so you're going to have to put your metaphorical hat on.
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  Speaker 3: I literally thought that you were saying Fridays are hard
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  Speaker 3: because I'm so worn down by the end of the weeken.
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  Speaker 3: When I see myself in the mirror, I look tired,
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  Speaker 3: and that's where I thought you were going. I'm like,
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  Speaker 3: what is this. This is not the old do better
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  Speaker 3: tomorrow that I thought you were chasing.
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  Speaker 2: Well, last weekend, I had this opportunity to care some
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  Speaker 2: thoughts from a friend and he shared this amazing analogy
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  Speaker 2: and it was going in a totally different direction to
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  Speaker 2: where I'm going to take us today.
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  Speaker 3: But it got me thinking, So this is last weekend
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  Speaker 3: while I was in bed, isolating myself and missing out
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  Speaker 3: and all the fun. But everyone else that's right.
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  Speaker 2: So he shared this experience where he and some mates
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  Speaker 2: went along to this scouting activity and they had teams
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  Speaker 2: and each scout pack had to create a raft, and
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  Speaker 2: so they worked tirelessly as a team to put this
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  Speaker 2: raft together and they were so proud of it until
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  Speaker 2: they showed up on the day of this you know,
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  Speaker 2: competition and saw one of the other teams show up
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  Speaker 2: with this beautifully structured, probably over engineered raft. It was
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  Speaker 2: it had like it was complete with a rudder, and
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  Speaker 2: it had chairs and seats to sit on. It was
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  Speaker 2: just beautiful.
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  Speaker 3: And it was like, we are toast.
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  Speaker 2: And then the other team showed up and they were like,
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  Speaker 2: where's your raft and they went, oh, it's just here,
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  Speaker 2: and they pulled out two rubber dinghies that they had
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  Speaker 2: just roped together, and he was like, it's like, it's
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  Speaker 2: totally cheating. So anyway, he was like, we are we smoked, Like,
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  Speaker 2: there's no way we're going to be able to, you know,
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  Speaker 2: kind of win this thing. But anyway, as it turned out,
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  Speaker 2: the two rubber dinghies gone in and they hadn't taken
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  Speaker 2: into account balancing and the center of gravity. So when
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  Speaker 2: the guys got in the rafts, the two rubber dinghies
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  Speaker 2: because they.
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  Speaker 3: Were tied together, scout taco totally. That's exactly what happened.
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  Speaker 2: So they were disqualified. And so then the next thing,
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  Speaker 2: the over engineered raft went in the water and they
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  Speaker 2: were like, we're so toast. These they just look amazing.
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  Speaker 2: And so the raft went in, but about ten meters
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  Speaker 2: out it sank. It was too heavy. All of the
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  Speaker 2: extra stuff that they'd put on it had made it
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  Speaker 2: too heavy and it didn't float.
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  Speaker 3: Wow, was anyone on it? What it sank?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah?
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  Speaker 3: Totally? They all got red.
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  Speaker 2: So the only team that actually survived this was this
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  Speaker 2: haphazard looking, scrappy raft that had been put together by
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  Speaker 2: a whole heap of kids.
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  Speaker 3: What was the really nice one wasn't put together other kids?
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  Speaker 3: I'm guessing not really? Yeah, right, so the grown ups
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  Speaker 3: have done it and said, hey, kids, look what we've
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  Speaker 3: done for you. You'll win this for sure. Yeah, and
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  Speaker 3: they didn't.
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  Speaker 2: And as I kind of was thinking about that and
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  Speaker 2: just thinking about I guess parenting in general, when we
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  Speaker 2: rely on you know, kind of looking at social media
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  Speaker 2: or even taking into account the hundreds of thousands of
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  Speaker 2: different people out there giving us advice.
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  Speaker 3: Yep, it's a bit.
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  Speaker 2: Like that beautiful, over engineered raft and it's not ours.
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  Speaker 2: It doesn't fit us, it doesn't it doesn't work with
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  Speaker 2: what we are trying to achieve. And then you've got
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  Speaker 2: the other guys over here who've pumped up a couple
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  Speaker 2: of days and stuck it together and gone, she'll be
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  Speaker 2: right mate, And that doesn't work either. But what I
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  Speaker 2: loved about this middle one, this hap hazard. It looks
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  Speaker 2: really messy to the outside world.
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  Speaker 3: It was a genuine do it yourself effort. Yeah, but
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  Speaker 3: it works yep.
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  Speaker 2: And so off as a parent, you're sitting there and
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  Speaker 2: you're hearing somebody else say something and telling you what
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  Speaker 2: you should or shouldn't be doing, and it looks like
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  Speaker 2: this beautiful raft all ready to go with its rudder
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  Speaker 2: and its you lounge shears on top. But it just
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  Speaker 2: doesn't fit for you and your family. And while your
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: your family situation may look really really messy to the
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: outside world, it's yours and it's made.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: You if you've made them.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: Yes, but it works. And so often I think we
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: just we want that beautiful we want that beautiful raft,
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  Speaker 2: We want everything to look like that.
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  Speaker 3: But in the end, it didn't work.
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  Speaker 2: It's sunk. And what we have is this amazingly creative
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  Speaker 2: way of doing life. In the Coolson family and the
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: Brown family and the Jones family, we've all got a
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  Speaker 2: different way of doing it. The most important thing is
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  Speaker 2: that it floats. And so as I was just thinking
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: about so many experiences that we've had, even just in
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: this last week with our kids, we have we have
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: been going through such a major transition over the last
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  Speaker 2: four or five months, and tomorrow we actually get to
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  Speaker 2: kind of start to plant some roots in a place
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  Speaker 2: that we've come to love. But it's looked really, really messy,
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  Speaker 2: and it has been hard, but we're making it work.
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  Speaker 3: I think that life happens in those transitions that we
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  Speaker 3: keep on. I've heard each of us say from time
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  Speaker 3: to time, our life will begin when we finally get
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  Speaker 3: the house, when we finally move in, when we finally
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  Speaker 3: do this. But life is happening the whole time, and well,
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  Speaker 3: we haven't drowned yet. Life continues to happen in those transitions,
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  Speaker 3: and well, it's great to have things to look forward to.
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  Speaker 3: We've got to be able to savor those amazing moments
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  Speaker 3: that are happening during the transition. It's the growth that
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  Speaker 3: comes from adversity and trial and challenge. So nice one, Kylie,
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  Speaker 3: that's great. It's make me feel a little bit bad
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: because I get paid to give people the prepackaged here
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  Speaker 3: it is. It's in the book How to Make Your
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: Family Happier. You make me feel like maybe I'm out
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: of business all of a sudden.
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  Speaker 2: Know, but there has always been an acknowledgment by you
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  Speaker 2: that some things will fit your family and some things won't,
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  Speaker 2: and we have to find our own We have to
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: trail our own path.
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: Even with the webinar on Monday Night about punishment rewards,
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: about time out and praise and all of the different
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: behavioral techniques that people have used over the centuries, decades, millennia,
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: and even just in the last week that people are
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: use using to raise their kids. One thing that I've
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: noticed is that people have gotten really hot under the
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: collar about this idea that I'm suggesting that there's another way.
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  Speaker 3: There is, But you don't get to figure that out
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: and practice it and get it right in a day
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: or a week or a month. Like this stuff takes
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: a lifetime to perfect. You get better and better with
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: time and with age and with practice. So enjoy your mess.
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  Speaker 3: I hope your weekends one great big mess ours will be.
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  Speaker 3: We've got and you keep dry. We've got an entire
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: shipping container to unpack out of the back of a
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: t and then unpack out of all the boxes and
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: then put together. I don't know how we're going to
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  Speaker 3: get through the weekend. I don't know, do you what
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  Speaker 3: am I gonna do with the kids. Let's put them
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: to work.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, they're working.
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: Bridge Media, with Craig Bruce as our executive producer. Thanks
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: so much for listening. We appreciate so much that you
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: enjoy The Happy Family's Podcast. If you enjoy it, please
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: share it with a friend, send it along to someone
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: and say, hey, check this out. It makes my family happier.
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: I bumped into somebody just recently, randomly on the street
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: who said, Justin, nice to meet you. I've been watching
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: your stuff and listening to your podcasts for ages and
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: you and Kylie you have literally saved us. She's just
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: moved to Noosa from the UK, and she said, I
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: don't know how we've gotten through the last couple of
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: years except because of the podcast. So if the podcast
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: helps you, like it helped that wonderful lady that I've
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: bumped into on the street, please share it around, Jump
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: onto an Apple podcast, leave a five star rating and review,
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: and I'm text it to somebody. Let people know that
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: the podcast is here and it can make a difference
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: in their family. That's it for now until next week.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: Have a wonderful weekend,