Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1127 - Home School Check In

Transcript

#1127 - Home School Check In · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: once answers, now.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Homeschooling really changes your life. Yesterday we had four children
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: in the house. Four children in the house on a
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: school day. Our adult child was at home, our year
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: eleven slash year twelve child was unwell, and we had
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: our two homeschoolers. It's just such a bizarre situation to
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: be in. My name's doctor Justin Colson. I'm here with
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: my wife, missus Happy Families, Kylie, and it's still kind
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: of doing my head and in some ways that Kylie
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: and I are doing this really countercultural thing where we're
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: homeschooling our two youngest children. I know that not everybody
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: is interested in homeschool personally, I find it fascinating whether
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: we were doing it or not. I just find these
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: conversations really, really well curious. Is the understatement of all understatements.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: We're a year into our ernie right now as homeschool
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: parents for these two kids, and a couple of weeks
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: ago on the Happy Families Podcast, I interviewed the CEO
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: of one of Australia's biggest homeschool curriculum providers. His name
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: was Brett, and when we posted on Facebook, We've got
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: more of a response to our podcast mention that day
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: than anything we usually do with the podcast. Podcast posts
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: normally don't get a massive response. This one got a
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: really big response. So today, Kylie, you and I are
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: going to after that very long intro, spent some time
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: talking about what it's been like to be a homeschool
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: family for the last twelve months. Lots to talk about.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: I thought we would start with the positives and then
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: go into the negatives, but also talk about what sort
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: of comments and feedback we received on Facebook when I
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: brought it up. So let's start with what you would
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: imagine to be the biggest boon to being homeschool parents.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: For me, it's literally been watching our kids become more
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: regulated in their emotions, to be more grounded, and there's
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: a prevailing calm, not all the time, definitely not all
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: the time, but compared to what we were experiencing during
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: school days. For the most part, I've got a ten
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: year old who is just really content to do her
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: own little thing, and she'll spend hours engaged in whatever
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: the task is that she's happily engaged in. But also
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: it means we're having more meaningful conversations more often.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: It's about time, isn't it.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: It really is. I love the conversations I get to
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: have with her, and I love that it's allowed me
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: in some ways to slow down that time when we're together.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Just jumping in on this as well. The children are
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: better regulated, There's no doubt about it. There's something beautiful
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: and calming about being together and not having the pressure
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: of having to race out the door and so many
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: things to worry about all the time. When I think
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: about our year nine daughter, unite it is year nine, Yeah,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: year nine daughter. When I think about her and her experience,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: what I'm loving is that her homeschool. I mean, she's
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: following the curriculum reasonably well, but it's primarily her when
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: not particularly involved in this, and she's just waking up
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: every day and doing the work. But now that she's
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: almost fifteen. A few months ago and she's fifteen, and
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: she's starting to have conversations with me like, hey, Dad,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: I could go and get a job and I could
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: work during the day, Like I could work two or
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: three days a week and earn money and start to
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: save up for a house and a car, and I
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: could still do all of the work that the curriculum
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: requires in a couple of days. Like, there's not that
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: much work that I've got to do. And she's even
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: talking about maybe doing the curriculum but also going to
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: tafe and doing a course that she's interested in. It
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: feels like it's expansive. It feels like there's flexibility. Oh
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: and there's this thing that she loves to do down
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: near her grandparents place in New South Wales and it
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: involves volunteering and involves a lot of time. And she's
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: talking about, well, what about if I get a couple
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: of weeks ahead, could I go and spend a week
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: at Nana Pops And I can go and spend time
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: with horses, and I can go and spend time in
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: the outdoors, and I can go and do all this stuff.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: And it's not even during the school holiday, so I
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: get to do all of it and be really involved.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: And I look at this and think this is pretty wild,
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Like this is really, really really cool.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: I like that word that you used, expansive, because that's
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: what I am am witnessing the fact that they're no
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: longer stuck in this box that says from nine to three.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: This is what you have to do, right, and you
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: have to do it.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: All of a sudden, it's just opened their possibilities up
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: in such amazing ways. And what I'm seeing is that
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: we're able to tailor directly to their strengths, to their hopes, desire, dreams,
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: all of it, and provide them with those opportunities that
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: just fill their souls with so much joy.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Now it's not all rainbows and unicorns. No it's not,
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: and we do need to talk about the negatives. But
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: two things that I want to bring up before we
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: move into the downsides are the challenges of homeschooling. The
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: first is the feedback that came through on the Facebook
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: page when that podcast went out. It was universally positive.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: There was literally not a single negative comment about homeschooling there.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: And again, this is the thing about homeschooling. I find
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: it just fascinating and once people start doing it, recognizing
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: that there are some challenges, very well, very few people.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: I don't know what the stats are, but in my
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: conversations my ANEC data get what I did there anecdotal
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: LYE and data, I put it together anecdata Lee anecdotay, okay, okay,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I thought it was really I get it. I like
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: that one, Thank you so much. My anec data would
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: suggest that people who start it really really do like it.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: They like it a lot. The feedback from people online,
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: people just talked about the positive impact that it had
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: on the kids, as you've just done. They highlighted the
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: positive effects on their children's well being, on their learning,
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: on their family relationships, and how important it was to
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: get them out of the school environment because so many
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: of these kids are struggling with either neurodivergent challenges or bullying,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: which goes back to what Brett had to say about
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: why so many people are signing up. His data definitely
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: indicates that the second thing that people highlighted the flexibility
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: and the freedom homeschooling allows for. As you've already said,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: this targeted individualistic, personalized learning based on the child's interests
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: and what the child's able to keep up with. There
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: was one mum who has a child who has fairly
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: significant intellectual difficulties, and so she's using homeschooling to teach
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: him all of these life skills, and she does what
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: she can do with the curriculum but she's also recognizing
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: that he's not going to have an academic life, so therefore,
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: so long as he can get through the curriculum, it's
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: the life skills that matter most for him. And I
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: just love the way that she said that.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and here's the challenge that child goes into the
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: school system. There is no conversations about life skills. He's
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: got to know.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: Well, there's a curriculum to follow.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he has to follow that curriculum, and there isn't
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: enough capacity to tailor that learning for him. And so
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: that's that's the magic I think of homeschooling.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Everybody acknowledged every single well men, everybody, but almost every
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: single person highlighted that there are some challenges and adjustments.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: It requires a whole lot of commitment, a lot of adaptation.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: And most people who commented on how long it takes
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: too the word d school is used to get out
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: of that use of that nine to three framework. Pretty
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: much everyone said takes six months, twelve months, maybe even more.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: And to let go of that as a parent, as
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: a parent, as we've gone through that, we did for
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: what like six months, and I was just thinking the
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: whole way through, we are ruining our children, like what
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: are we doing. We've got to get them. They've got
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: to be doing something.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: They've got to be productive, they've got to be learning,
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: they've got to be in like, here's a massive kids,
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: just read the textbook and do something. And yet once
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: we got through that six months or so, it's just
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: been it's been so good.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: I think I think that families that give homeschooling a
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: go and kind of really struggle with it. It's the
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: acknowledgment that so often and I would be in that boat.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: You go in with an expectation that's really unrealistic of
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: what it's going to look like for starters, because the
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: families that are doing it well, they've been doing it
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: well for a long time. Usually Yeah, they've worked it out.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: And I'm finding that like each term, I'm shifting and
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: we're growing together in this process, and what it looked
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: like at the beginning, it definitely does not look like
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: that now. And the importance that I placed on certain
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: things are no longer important, and so learning to kind
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: of work together with your child is really really important.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: But I think letting go of the expectation of what
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: it's going to look like and recognizing that it will
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: not look like some and so down the road who's
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: doing it, been doing it for five years and just
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: nailing it because they're nailing it because they've worked out
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: what works for their kids. That's what is so beautiful
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: about this. It's about your kids, not someone else's.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: Before we talk about the negatives, the last couple of
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: quick comments that came through that are worthy of highlighting.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: The first one related to financial constraints. It was a
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: comment from Sharon who basically said she's had to reduce
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: her work hours really significantly and that's a really big
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: challenge around the dollars. I'm going to bring that up
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: again a little bit later. And then a couple of
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: people just said the great thing is now homeschooling isn't
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: hindering further education. It can even be beneficial. There's so
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: many opportunities for the kids once they've finished to go
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: to university, if an academic expectation exists, or if they've
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: got those desires. They're the positives, both our experience and
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: the positives based on what came through Facebook. Up next,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: we'll have a look at the negatives and also some
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: observations that you've made as you've spent a whole of
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: time in the last few weeks with a big bunch
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: of homeschool months. Okay, Kylie, let's talk about the negatives.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: What is hard about homeschooling, given that there are so
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: many positives and things that we've enjoyed.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Probably my list is maybe three long.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: The first one I think is as a parent, this
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: is not even the kids, as a parent, letting go
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: of perceived ideas around what education looks like. For the
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: majority of us, we have only ever had standardized education,
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: and education.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Looks like a teacher teaching a curriculum at the front
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: of the room, or if parent's going to do it
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: at school at home, which is which is totally different
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: to homeschool.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: That's right, And I still if I'm if I'm being
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: completely transparent, we are still probably doing a school at
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: home experience.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: But and this is one of my this is both
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: the negative and a positive. The school at home experience
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: only takes one and a half to two hours a day,
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: one per one hundred. But that's also a problem because
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: then you've got to fill in the rest of the
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: day and you're like, can you kids just find something
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: else to do oh, hang on, no, not really. Yeah,
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: you need you need a little bit more parent engagement,
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: don't you.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: Depending on the age of your kids, depending on how
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: many children you have at home, will ultimately, I think,
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: dictate how much time is required of you as the parent,
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: even just being present, whether you're engaged in specific learning
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: or not. The first thing is definitely letting go of
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: your expectations of what education looks like. I'm still there.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: I'm still kind of working my way through that. The
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: number two thing is recognizing that this is a lifestyle choice.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: This is hard if you have a full life and
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: then you add homeschooling to it, as we have done.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: Some days are just downright hard because I have multiple
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: things that need to be achieved in any given day.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: But I have a ten year old who actually needs
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: my presence and.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: A fourteen year old who wants a mom in a
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: bit of guidance as well.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: And I think throughout this year, the common thread with
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: the other children is like, hey, Mom, I'm here, can
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: you see me. They all are just desperate to have
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: that time because I think they're recognizing and seeing that
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: Miss ten is getting a lot of my time, and
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: that kind of is highlighting what they're missing out on.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: What's the third thing.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: It's a massive one and as I talk to other parents,
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: it is across the board. Can be one of the
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: hardest things to navigate is socializing. So both my children,
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: both our children, just saying both our children, our appreciate it.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Have beautiful friends who go to school, and so during
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: the school day when they have the capacity to connect,
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: they want to connect with their friends, but their friends
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: all go to school, and just recently we've really hit
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: a wall with that and the recognition that this is
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: probably the hardest thing we're coping with right now. So
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: what about you. Is there anything that you would say
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: that I that I haven't added.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: So my positives are number one with the positive benefits
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: just overwhelming, better regulation, less pressure. I pretty much had
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: the same list as you. We did not coordinate this.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: My negatives list is I love that they get through
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: I know this is a negative, right they get through
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: the curriculum so far, so they've got all day to
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: do what they want. But that's also a really big
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: challenge as well. So you're out there standing a dining
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: table and dining chairs with the kids to get that
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: happening and I'm trying to get them to some yard
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: work or get our older kids to walk down to
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: the beach and spend some time in the outdoors. But
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: it's a it's a bit of a grind sometimes to
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: get the kids active. And that's why I'm so glad
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: that our older daughter wants to go and get that job.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: So that's both a positive and negative. There's a light
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: side and a dark side of that one. I said,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: it costs a lot, Like you've got to spend a
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: lot of money on all the activities for the kids
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: because you want them to be doing stuff that matters.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: But I think when you average it all out, at
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: least with our school experience, it's costing you a whole heapless.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Compared to school fees. Yeah, I mean, and apart from that,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: if you're going to put your kids in extracurricular activities,
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: you're probably going to pay for things like music lessons
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: or art or a maths tudor or whatever anyway, So
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I guess in some ways it's not dearer, but it
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: still feels like we're forking out for a whole lot
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: of stuff which we would probably be doing anyway. I mean,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: you've got your swimming on whatever else. And the last
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: thing that I would highlight is the social issue. But
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: the kids don't have the daily contact with friends that
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: they get with school, but.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: They don't have the shared experiences. And that's actually what
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: it comes down to, right, Yeah, So they catch up
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: with their school friends, but their school friends want to
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: talk about all of the things that are happening at
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: school with their other friends that our children are not experiencing.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: And so the connection, you know, at this stage, it's
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: so much about shared experiences, right, And they feel like
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: they're missing out, yeah.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: Because they're not all at school. They're all living their
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: own lives. And then they get together for the social
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: catch up that's been arranged every Wednesday afternoon or whatever
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: it is.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: That's right, And so while the kids have no desire
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: to be at school, they love being at home and
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: they recognize the goodness of that experience. There's just this
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: pool because they want their friends.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: On the flip side of that one though, even though
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: I've said that they're the negatives on the flip side.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: On bright side, here, data suggests that more kids are
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: homeschooling than ever, in part because of bullying. And I'd
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: rather have my kids feel the way our kids are
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: feeling than have them at school and experiencing horrible bullying
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: rubbish that goes on. You've been spending a lot of
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: time talking to homeschool mums as well. I wanted to
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: throw their two sense worth in, but time has beaten
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: us today. This is the podcast for the time pop
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: parent who just wants answers now, and we are out
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: of time, so maybe we can do that again down
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: the track. We just wanted to give you a homeschool update.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: We wanted to give you a sense of what it's
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: like in the trenches as we're actually doing that with
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: two kids grade four and grade nine, coming to a
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: conclusion over the next couple of weeks. And overwhelmingly, we're
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: so so weird to say it, because it is so countercultural,
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: and it's such a weird thing for a guy who's
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: a parenting expert whos supposed to be telling everyone how
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: to work within the system, so that we're doing it,
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: but it's been overwhelmingly something that we are so glad
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: that we've done for our kids. The Happy Family's podcast
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. If you
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: would like more information about the stuff we talk about
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: on the pod and how to make you family happy out.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Whether they're at school or homeschooling, it doesn't really matter.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: You can visit us at happy families dot com dot
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: au or on our social pages. Dr Justin Pilson's Happy
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Families