Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 2 - Episode 292 - The key to conflict resolution

Transcript

Season 2 - Episode 292 - The key to conflict resolution · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the Good Morning From the Chicken Coop Podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and master mindset
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  coach. Filled with inspiration,
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  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
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  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
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  of yourself you could ever imagine.
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  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
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  her chicken coop along with all her chickens.
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  Hey everybody, good morning from the chicken coop.
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  Today we're talking about building bridges.
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  And no, I'm not talking about physically going out and
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  building a bridge. I'm talking about the
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  psychological bridges to help us get along with each other
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  better. And I will say this, this is a
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  very appropriate time to be having conversations about this
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  because of the time of the year, because of all the things that
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  are going on in the world and how they break our heart when we
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  see them. And building a bridge is such an
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  important aspect to. The understanding and the
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  healing and getting things moving in the direction we want
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  them to go. So First things first,
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  understanding where the other person is.
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  How do you actually understand where someone else is?
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  Do you make assumptions? Do you just kind of come to
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  conclusions about where the other person is, or are you
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  actually asking questions that will help the process?
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  Most of us make a lot of assumptions.
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  We will assume certain things based on our filters of intake
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  and while that's fine, it's not complete.
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  Now really hear that it's fine, but not complete.
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  You need to know all the information or as much as you
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  can take in, and the only way that you can do that is by
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  getting curious and asking questions about.
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  Them about what happened, about the challenge, about where they
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  are and how they came to their conclusions or their beliefs,
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  but without the point of arguing back because you're our goal is
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  not to when we're trying to do this work of conflict
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  resolution. It is not about trying to figure
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  out how to convince them that you are right and they are
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  wrong. Ooh, that is like the one of the
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  worst things that you can do. Try to work on figuring out how
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  to convince them that they are wrong.
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  I know when I'm in an argument with my husband, if I take the
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  approach of trying to convince him that he is wrong, I'm
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  screwed right from the beginning because my husband should have
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  been a litigator. He is.
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  He can argue like no one. I know.
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  And he will just stay in it until he wears you down and you
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  can't get past it. So lessons for me with having
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  him in my life have been tremendous because it's.
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  I used to be the person that could do those things.
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  But then the universe said hold my beer and let me give you
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  somebody that can do it even better than you.
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  So you have to change your approach and learn different
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  skills. And boy, does that happen for
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  me. I have had to change my
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  approach. I've had to learn different
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  skills. I've had to let go of certain
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  things. To to get to that point of I can
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  do conflict resolution easier and more efficiently because I'm
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  asking better questions and I'm not asking questions just to get
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  him to go to the line of of answers that I want to give.
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  I'm genuinely curious. I'm genuinely trying to figure
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  things out. And when you do that, all of a
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  sudden you may have something. That's a complete epiphany and
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  awakening in your in your mindset and your soul about how
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  to handle something, because you're not just taking in
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  information to regurgitate your what you've already formulated
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  as a standard answer anyway. So in other words, I don't have
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  my answers already ready sitting there.
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  I have to be completely and totally present with that person
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  in order to hear what they're saying, and then I have to give
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  myself the time, the seconds, the minutes, maybe, maybe the
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  hours or days. To actually say, you know, I
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  have to think about that because I need to go back and process
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  the information rather than run it through the same filter that
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  will give me the same answer and the same problem, and then we go
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  back to the conflict. So it's asking the right
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  questions and being curious without having a frame of giving
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  your answer before you know the answer to their questions.
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  And while that may sound complicated, just sit and
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  listen. Ask questions and just sit and
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  listen and don't try to come up with an answer.
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  Just hear where they are. And sometimes this is the crazy
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  part of this. Sometimes just letting somebody
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  vent and get it all out and you not trying to solve the problem
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  is the best gift you can give another person.
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  Especially if they're upset with you because they just want to be
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  heard, they don't need you to fix it.
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  So I think that. It's it's one of the things that
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  I've learned in being a coach and having friends and family.
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  I can't always be the coach. I have to be the friend.
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  So I have friends that will call me and they're like, oh, listen,
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  I just need my friend right now. OK, great.
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  I'm not fixing it. You want to talk about something
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  great, I'll complain with it right along with you because
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  that's where they are. I don't have to fix everything.
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  But sometimes they'll call and they'll be like, hey, I need my
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  a coach right now. OK, great.
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  I'm. I got my coach head on and I can
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  switch that quickly. Because that's what it means to
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  me, to be able to be there for them and be able to understand
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  what they need. Because I'm really listening.
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  So this listening skill, this piece that I'm heavily touting
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  on today in this conflict resolution is listen, Listen
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  your buns off. Make sure you're hearing
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  everything that they're saying and the things they're not
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  saying. Be the person that somebody can
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  come to and be honest with and open up to, because that's where
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  the key is. All right, my friends, I hope
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  you have a blessed day and I will see you tomorrow.
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  Bye.