Latest / Decisions, Decisions / EP 498: Till the Comments Do Us Part feat. Hope Giselle

Transcript

EP 498: Till the Comments Do Us Part feat. Hope Giselle · Decisions, Decisions

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: And I could focus on the 3,000 people that like
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: this post and the over 200 something people saying, oh
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: my God, y'all look so beautiful. But I could focus
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: on the 20 of y'all that's like trying to prove
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: this is AI. Why the fuck do we like lean
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: in on these negative things when there are so many
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: people that say all these beautiful things?
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: We're more attracted to it.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: But as a.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Black trans woman, the thing that is important for me
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: is that people know that we can be loved out loud.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Loved. I like.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: I want to be Beyonce because I want to be Beyonce,
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: like in my own right. First of all, patriarchy is bullshit.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: It's not good for society. Look at where we are.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Patriarchal bullshit. Get no old bird. Like, come on.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: You know, but like look at where we are as
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: a society right now due to a patriarchal rule.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Like we are not in utopia in heaven because of patriarchy.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: In fact, I think patriarchy is one of the worst
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: things that has happened to us because patriarchy is rooted
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: in white men's fear and insecurity around not being enough.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: As compared to anybody.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Decisions. Decisions. Hey, guys. Welcome this week to another episode
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: of Decisions. Decisions. It's your girl, Mandy B. Hey, I'm Wheezy.
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: Mandy's doing this because... I say Hope's outfit really gives
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: Neal's full tap in. And let's just give baby calm
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: energy for... Oh, Giselle. Maybe it's the ring on your hand, sister.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: And you got the drop-down little.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Beckley.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: That's just what I was feeling today.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: She ain't here teaching us about Bixies. It's giving spoken word.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: That's what I was feeling today.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: You do have a signature, which is your blue.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I love it. But this whole fit, I'm telling you,
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: if I found out you have aluminum in your deodorant.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: Whole fit. Whole fit. Whole fit. If having aluminum in
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: deodorant would shock me.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: To be very fucking clear, there's always going to be
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: aluminum in the deodorant.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: Period. I don't like to be funky.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Like, that's the one thing you're going to, like, a
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: person will meet me and they can say I don't
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: look the same in person. They can say I don't.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: But you will never say Hope was funky. You will
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: never say I was funky. And to be very clear,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: nobody's ever said I don't look this funny.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: I was about to say, I'm not going to lie.
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: When I saw you at Essence, stunning. And I have
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: seen you online. I didn't get to come on the
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: pod the last time.
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: We were all in New York.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: This was years ago at this point.
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: And so seeing you, I was like, oh, we got
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: to have you. I would like to be on with
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: you because I'm like such a fan of your content.
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: Girl, what?
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: The things that you're putting out online now, I think
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: even because I love also Dominique Morgan and the things
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: that she's putting out. But like you stand 10 toes
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: down on. protecting not only like the black community, but
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: women and holding men accountable, but also creating safe spaces
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: for men. And just like you get into the politics sometimes.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: You was even talking about the recall on mangoes. I said,
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: you give it to me.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: So I like to make sure that people understand that
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: I'm an intersectional being.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Hello.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: And so I can't just talk about one part of my. Well,
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, you could, but I can't. You know, and
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: so for me, anything that speaks to me, I'm going
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: to bring it to the forefront.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: And the mangoes thing, I also like to like. The
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: mangoes thing. The mangoes thing.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Wait, mangoes right now?
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: Yes. There was a recall, girl. You can't have mangoes.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: Not all of them, y'all. You know what's crazy?
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: As a Jamaican, y'all go laughing at me because it's
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: not even like just eating a ripe mango.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: I believe I'm Asian.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: So it's the mango sticky rice. Okay, wait.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: In order, I want everybody to talk about something they've
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: seen recalled.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: I'll start.
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: Lettuce. Oh, well, mango. Mango. Mango. Oh, my God. We
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: talked about so much. Recalm. Damn. Clams, oysters, eggs. Bottled water,
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: pure life Nestle, but from a certain year. No.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: I saw broccoli on the list now. And I was like, bitch, what?
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: You know what I decided?
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: So we've been reading all of these foods that have
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: been recalled. And I know people are like, Oh, my God,
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: explosive diarrhea.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God, you could fail. Oh, my God, you
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: might die. And I'm hearing all these people be like, oh,
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: we can't do this.
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: But then there's also like now STD that causes explosive diarrhea.
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: The sexually transmitted diarrhea. And I was like. I'm still
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: going to have sex. Oh, yeah, I'm fucking.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: Like, you know what's crazy? People would be like, those
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: aren't tylenol.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: You can tell me one out of a hundred people
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: died from sex and I'm going to be like.
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: There are STDs that can kill you. There is now
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: a sexually transmitted diarrhea. And people still fucking.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: So, like, when we talk about the food, like, oh,
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: we're so sad we can't eat it.
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: Y'all are still eating dick.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Now, if you said eating ass.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: You're still eating dick.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, so, like, I was telling people in the mangoes video,
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: when you look at the recalls, it's not every mango
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: that ever came out of a mango.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Like, it's literally they recall certain brands from certain farms.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: Yep. So, you got to, like, look. It's by the farm.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: That's why I said Tyler Farm. Yeah. I'm not going
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: to lie. It's really difficult because when it was chicken—
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: I remember it was like a brand. And even when
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: I mentioned the water, it was a certain date. Like,
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: it's tough because it's like, well, shouldn't the grocery stores
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: be doing it?
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: But to be very clear, he took away the regulation
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: of baby, of pretty much like how our food was
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: regulated coming into the country.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: He pretty much cleared out that entire department.
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: But and it's so not only the CDC food regulators,
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: which is the FDA. And now, that's why we get
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: in 3D printed salmon and eggs.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: Girl, the way they say it, we got to look
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: for the asterisks.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: Like, we have asterisks for salmon. I know, for salmon. Bitch,
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: we the sushi bitches. Oh. What the fuck you think
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: I'm supposed to do?
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: Wait, are you not a sushi girl?
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Yes and no. It's not going to be the first
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: thing I run for. I don't like raw fish.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: That would be my death row meal, bitch. What? I
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: don't eat serious. That's my death row meal. Over soul food. Okay,
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to lie. Slow food isn't even in
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: my top five. Oh, kiss my ass. Oh, kiss my ass.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: Don't invite me back.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: As a matter of fact, you know what's crazy?
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: It's cute. I enjoy it. Not everyone's is great, so
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: it's one of those where it gets tricky. I live
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: in Atlanta now. I realize the sodium. It's a little much.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: It's something that you can really only eat. You should
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: only eat for holidays, right? Maybe please.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Now you should only eat this much.
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to hold you. After Thanksgiving, because I've
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: been spending the last few Thanksgivings being a Nigerian. We
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: fly my mom up. Me and my mom cook. The
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: next day, we were so satisfied. This nigga was like,
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: my stomach is going to be fucked up for days.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. How do you fuck off soul
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: food like that for real? Because you got to think.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: All the dairy from the mac and cheese. All the
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: sugar from the yam. The red meat that might give
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: a little.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Now see, I'm not a red meat girl during Thanksgiving.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I'm a white meat chicken girl and I eat salmon.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: You eat salmon on Thanksgiving?
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: I do. I make crab cakes. You a nerd.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: They didn't have salmon in the South.
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: Salmon ain't can't be soul food.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: To be very clear, my grandma did catfish, but I
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: do salmon.
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: Catfish. My grandma did catfish. Because you're a wifey. When
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: you was growing up, did you prepare to be married? Always.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: Really?
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: Always.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: From the time I was in like the fourth grade
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: when I saw Brandy at Cinderella. I saw that dress
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: and I was like, I want my wedding dress to
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: look like that. And if you saw my wedding dress,
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: it was a brown version of Brandy's Cinderella dress. When
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: I say being a wife was a very important thing
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: to me very early on, it was very interesting.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: Huh.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: It was very like I always knew I wanted to
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: like do those things. But also it was because my grandmother,
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: my grandfather, they they led a very beautiful example of
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: what it was like. It's not to say that they
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: never fought, but like my granddaddy was a working man
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: who like did all the things and then still came
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: home and cooks because he was my grandfather.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: He was the cooker?
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: My grandmother was the cook. My grandmother only cooked on holidays.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: That was the only time nobody could be in the kitchen.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: That was her kitchen on Thanksgiving and Christmas.
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: What were her roles then? My grandmother was a put-up woman.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: My grandmother was a nurse up until, I want to say,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: I was maybe probably around the same time. So maybe
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: until I was about four when I could recognize people
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: going and coming from work and understood that concept. My
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: grandmother stopped working right once I started to do elementary school.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: And never worked again until the day she died. Oh, wow.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: And so my grandfather would pick up odds and ends jobs.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: So he was a construction worker. My grandfather was a
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: great cook. He would do all different types of like
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: home improvement projects for people.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: He was just really amazing.
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: But also there's a passion that comes with that. It's
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: funny because my best friend Lena dates an ENT.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: Who owns his own practice. She works at the office
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: with him. And when I say when they come home
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: at night, he cooks. But it's like therapeutic for him.
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So it's so funny. She does the dishes. But
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: he does all the cooking. And I was like, oh,
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: look at this one. I think giving is something that
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: people forget. Because cooking feels like a chore if you
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: don't love.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: To serve, if you don't love it.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: I have a homegirl right now who's pregnant and she,
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: the person that she's having a baby with, loves to cook.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: And she's like, you know, it's made me feel less
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: feminine in ways to know that When I'm coming home,
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: he's kind of done all these things. Because if I'm
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: going to be the mom, then never cooks. I'm like.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: It's weird because even when.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: Because cooking is the way a lot of women define
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: themselves as moms and women.
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: And we're going to have a deep dive into the
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: patriarch today, y'all. But I also think it's one of
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: those gender roles that maybe have innately been... Told us,
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: especially through slavery and that realm, because for me, even
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: growing up, when my mama learned how to make oxtail,
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: whole fish, all these things, my dad was Jamaican.
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: He is Jamaican, not was. He's still here.
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: And he loves cooking. So that was a part of
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: whenever he would come on holidays before Thanksgiving.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: He, like, stopped coming around. Yeah.
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: He would make the oxtail. He would make certain things.
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: I remember going to Key West and us going fishing.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: And, baby, he would sit. Yes, the salt fishing. Oh,
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: my God. All of that. But we would catch snapper.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: And he would sit out on the back porch and
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: literally skin. And gut. That's so Caribbean. All my granddaddy.
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: And then literally chop the heads off, suck the eyeballs out, make.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: Fish head soup.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: Make fried fish. I'm telling you.
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: But he was, that was like, that was probably the
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: most Jamaican thing I used to see him fucking do
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: is when we went fishing and.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: How he- How he used to clean the fish.
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: And he loved it.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: My granddaddy was the same way.
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: And he loved it. When you were single and you
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: were cooking for people, did you have any rules around like,
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: I'm going to throw it down for this nigga? Ooh,
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: you know what? No, I never cooked for people before. Wait.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I didn't. I don't think a man could
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: have got a pot of spaghetti from me.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: Ramen noodles?
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Ramen noodles, not even.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: Now, this is interesting because you just said earlier you
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: were ready to be a wife.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, to a man that was deserving of that energy.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: It took all the niggas before him?
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: But also, there wasn't all the niggas. I dated seven
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: people seriously before my husband. And I can count them
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: all and I could call them all except for one.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: And that's because I don't want to talk to him.
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: It's funny because when we had this show, Years ago,
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: we used to have the conversation. I used to say
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: the same thing.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: If I'm not dating you, I'm not cooking for you.
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: At all. So I'm curious, though, then, when knowing you
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: wanted to be.
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: A wife since you were a child, how did you
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: show up that let the men know that that's what
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: you wanted? Was it a conversation or how much was
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: too much to show up as a wife before you
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: got the title.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: Or a girlfriend? You know what? I'm an emotional person. Okay.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: And so for me, I want to tap into the
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: things that other people don't. Like, I've always dated what
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: I believe to be attractive men. And so a lot
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: of people are just like, oh, he fine. So he's
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: used to people being like, oh, you're fine.
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: Oh, you're fine.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: And that being the basis of the relationship is that
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: both of y'all are attractive or he's super attractive. And
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: so that's what they were used to. Nobody was ever
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: used to asking, well, what do you really.
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: Feel about life? What do you think? I'm a Leo.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: OK. And so it's like nobody ever asked these men, like,
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: how are you feeling today? Like, what do you really
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: think about what happened when they come home and they're
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: venting about the thing? I'm not just letting you vent.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: I'm like, OK, so how are we going to process that?
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: And it's always a we and not just the you
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: or like, what are you doing? And so for me,
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I'm showing you that I'm already embedding myself in your
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: life and I'm going to be there until you tell
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: me that that's not where you want me to be.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: And I think that men either inherently understand and see
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: that eventually and they either welcome you into the space
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: or they say, oh, okay, I got to slow this
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: down because you're doing things that I cannot reciprocate. And
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: I've always prided myself on one, dating men that I
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: knew understood to some degree where I wanted to go
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: and were either willing to decide whether they wanted to
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: go there with me after a certain period of time
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: or leave me the fuck alone.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: Hello. How can a woman ask those questions? Because I
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: think you had walked in, we were talking about the
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: dating landscape. Mm-hmm. All these girls are in a rat
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: race of finding a good man. How can someone actually
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: get deeper, ask the emotional conversation, like have those emotional conversations?
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: Like what are some three basic things you can ask
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: a man that you think they haven't been asked before? Oh,
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: and so I think.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: First and foremost, like, how was your heart is always
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: a thing that I think shocks a lot of men. Like,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: when I was dating and I would ask them, it's
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: just like, how was your heart? Men don't get asked, like,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: how their heart is. But also, I think first and foremost,
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: men don't get compliments. The amount of men who, like,
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: double take when I'm like, oh, you looking handsome, King?
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Just on the street, randomly. It's interesting because men don't
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: receive a lot of affection. It's like they turn 16, 17,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: and their mom stops doing it because now these.
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: Young girls are coming around. Without sexualizing them, I agree
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: with you.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Without sexualizing them. And so it's one of those things
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: where it's like now when you do get a compliment
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: as a man from a woman, it's typically an older
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: woman in a setting that's family-oriented or church or something
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: like that. And so the women that they're actually attracted to,
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: we're not giving them, oh, can you look good, just
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: to say you look good. And they're not wanting something
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: in return for that, whether it be a relationship or
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: dick or whatever the case may be. And so sometimes
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: men just want to know. you know what, she thought
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: I was handsome today and that was it.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: She kept walking.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: It wasn't a conversation. She didn't look at my car
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: or ask me what my shoes cost or check out
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: my wrist to see what it was giving. Like she
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: genuinely thought I was handsome and said it and kept
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: it moving. And oftentimes what I find is that when
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: you pay men attention, it's not even like specific questions.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: pay attention to the things that he likes and he'll
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: realize that a lot of the time men are socialized
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: and as women we are socialized that we are the
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: prize in the relationship and yet we like we say
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: the thing on social media like oh no it's both
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: of us but we live it like no the woman
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: is the prize but when you treat a man like
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: it is for about the both of us you're a
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: king I'm a queen we doing this together I think
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: men level up and realize like oh I'm only smiling.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: Because I told you king and queen you see what
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: came out her mouth the outfit is exactly what you're
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: saying right.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: Now How is your heart?
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: What is the second question?
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: So I think first and foremost, it's just like, what
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: can I do different than the last woman? You don't
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: think that that's a... A lot of people, because what
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: a lot of folks tend to do is like, specifically
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: men will ask you, like, well, what are you looking
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: for in a partner? Right. And then what we tend
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: to do is immediately go into telling them how to
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: be the nigga we want.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: You got me fucked up.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: So what I do is I'm like, hey, what can
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I do differently than the last woman to prevent whatever
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: happened last time? I don't ask what happened last time.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I just want to know what can I do differently
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: so that it doesn't even pop up in conversation.
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: I actually just had this conversation with my partner because
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: there was just a level of with my other partners
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: where he fits in in terms of his purpose, knowing
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: that I have other boyfriends or other people that I
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: engage with on an emotional level. And I think in conversation,
• 15:58
  Speaker 4: we've had so many discussions about the women before me
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: that I've heard from him and, One wanted him to
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: move in.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: One wanted him to play step daddy. One was looking
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: for marriage.
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: Like there were all these things and he could tell
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: me what these women wanted that he wasn't willing to give.
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: But the question that I asked him is, well, then
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: what are you expecting from a woman? Even me, I
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: was like, okay, I can tell you what your purpose
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: is in my life and how I need you to
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: show up. But what are you expecting from women? Especially
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: as a woman who's allowing you to be with other women.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: What are you looking for?
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: And it's interesting because you even saying what did the woman,
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: woman do last time that you want? He still hasn't
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: been able to answer that.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: And that's the thing. A lot of them don't know.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: They don't know. It's the ask. It's the ask. It's
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: the ask. Because it makes them figure out like, okay, yeah,
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: we have sex. Yeah, we do this, but.
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: from this relationship, from any relationship with a woman, what
• 16:51
  Speaker 4: is it that I'm seeking?
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: What brings fulfillment to my life?
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: But I think sometimes it's not even, I don't even
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: think I necessarily need the actual answer. What I'm looking
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: for in that is to show you that I give
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: a shit about how you feel.
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: Hello. Right?
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Because again, it goes back to A lot of relationships
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: are built on how the woman feels. We've even heard
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: people say, like, oh, if mama come home and she
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: had a fucked up date, everybody has.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: A fucked up date. Happy wife, happy life.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Happy wife, happy life, right? And so men are conditioned
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: to believe that their opinions and their thoughts and their
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: feelings are going to come tertiary, not even secondary, if
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: at all. And so when I prioritize your feelings, not
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: the relationship, not her, not what she did, but when
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: I prioritize wanting to make sure that I can avoid
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: that trigger for you... then you can see me as
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: a person who now is somebody that might be able
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: to gain your trust. Because that's where it starts. I
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: think people talk about the idea of like, oh, we
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: got to be best friends.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: No, no, no.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: We got to trust each other. Before I can be
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: your best friend, I got to know that I can
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: trust you. And that's with any relationship. I don't just say, oh,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: you're my best friend because I fuck with you and
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: you cool and we have cool conversations. I say that
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: you're my best friend because we've had conversations, we've been
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: through things, we've had talks and this and that and
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: the third. And also, I don't feel the need. I
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: think when I know a bitch is my friend is
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: when I leave you in my house and I don't
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: think twice about it.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of men don't get the
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: opportunity to leave us in their house and not think
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: about it.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: They do think about it.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: They think about it.
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: And they think about what they left out. And I
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: think it's interesting because And maybe we'll get to that
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: a little bit later.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: I am curious, your third question. You know what? I
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: think that one typically depends on the guy.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: But I think for my husband, the thing that I
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: asked him is, if I walked away from.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: You today, what would change about your life? Oh, great question.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: And this was before we got married.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: OK, it was like I want to say like maybe
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: six months into dating because he was asking for us
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: to be serious and wanted to like take next steps
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: and do things. And I was like, OK, so what
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: about me is so special that you want me to
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: be in this part of your life? And I said, well,
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: if I walked away today, like what would change?
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: And he said everything.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: And a lot of that is because I want you
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: to see the value that I bring to your life.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: I want you to tell me what it is so
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: that that way you cherish it. And when you fuck
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: up and I name that, it's not because I said
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: that I was this, that, and the third for you.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: It's not because I said I picked you up by
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: your bootstraps. It's not because I said.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: I leveled you up.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: It's because you acknowledged those things before I agreed to
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: this relationship.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: And I need you to hold.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: Fast to that.
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: Hello. It's really important to... Get the perspective of someone
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: admitting to your face. Yeah. The place that you hold.
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: Because most times it's us saying it on our own.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: But we never want to ask.
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: I love it. And I also love the second question
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: because we think we never want to bring up other women. Yeah.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: But it's totally okay and safe as long as it's
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: not like, I think it's tone, right? Yeah. I've talked
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: a lot about in my relationship how the things I've
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: done differently in a good way that would have maybe
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: turned him off if I was five years ago. Okay, well,
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: what you and that bitch was doing when blah, blah,
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: blah was me five years ago. Whereas today, I'm like, okay,
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: when you dated a girl that was vegan and blah, blah, blah,
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: what are some of the things y'all enjoyed together that
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: maybe we don't do that we could try that you
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: enjoyed with someone else? Whereas before, maybe I had a
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: little jealous attitude about it. But I've had to learn
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: how to be an adult because at the end of
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: the day, we've all been fucking. You know I've had
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: men love me. You know I've been in love. Like,
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: we can acknowledge those people from the past like they
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: aren't Now, I get it if maybe you showed up
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: and then the bitch was still there. But I think
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: it's healthy to talk about why other connections worked.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Because why not? Like, especially if we're in this for
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: the long haul or we want to be, if the
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: goal is to be in it for the long haul,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: if you're dating for the purpose of marriage solely. then
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: I think like, why not? I want to know about you.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: And again, it's about the importance of making sure that
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: I'm not with somebody that cares about me presently.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: I'm with somebody that cares about me holistically.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Like if you don't give a shit about what I've
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: been through, how the fuck can you care about where
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: I'm going? That doesn't make sense to me. And so
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: if you don't know that I've, you know, been sexually assaulted,
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: if you don't know that I've been loved to within
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: an inch of my fucking cosmos, if you don't know
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: that I've had negative experiences which lead me to not
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: want to have sex all day, every day, you know, like,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: then we're already off to a bad start. And if
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: you don't care and if I don't care, then this
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: is not going to last because what we're doing is
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: we're relationshiping for this moment and these feelings. And the
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: second they dissipate, so will we.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: Hmm.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: We were talking about gender roles a little bit earlier.
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: I am about to have an opportunity to, like, debate
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: something on another podcast. But one of the takes that
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: he believes is patriarchy is good for society.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: You see the eye rolls.
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: So I would love to know if you agree, disagree,
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: and what would your sense be to... How would you
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: argue that? But also, who do you believe upholds the
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: patriarchy more?
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: Does he have a reason why?
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: Like a little.
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: No, he just gave the... He will possibly argue them, but.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: Heard.
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah. But this is one of the things that he
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: solely believes in.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: First of all, patriarchy is bullshit. It's not good for society.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: Look at where we are.
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: Patriarchal bullshit. Get no old bird. Like, come on.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: You know, but like look at where we are as
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: a society right now due to a patriarchal rule.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Like we are not in utopia in heaven because of patriarchy.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: In fact. I think patriarchy is one of the worst
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: things that has happened to us because patriarchy is rooted
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: in white men's fear and insecurity around not being enough
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: as compared to anybody. And that's not against black men.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: That's not against other men. That's against any and everybody
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: because white men feel inadequate when put to the test
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: against anyone who is not another.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: Mediocre white man.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: That is the reason why patriarchy is something that has
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: to rule for them, because without it, everybody would kind
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: of sort of see that thing that they're trying to hide.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: And so they've enacted patriarchy and they've convinced other men
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: that they have to now also embark on this journey
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: with them, even though those men don't need that.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: Systemically, is there anything patriarchal that y'all enjoy?
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I think that I enjoy the social roles.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I enjoy social roles.
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: And I think most women do. I think there's a
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: benefit that women receive the same way that men. So
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: it's interesting in seeing this statement said, I did want
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: to figure out like, okay, we know that there's ways
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: in which we benefit from patriarchy as well. But to
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: say that it's good for society, I'm also thinking if
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: it would crumble the way we even exist if it
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: wasn't there.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So, like, how do you think... What would a
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: world look like where that wasn't the case?
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I think, honestly, there has to be a yin and yang.
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: There has to be balance.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: There is no one world where I think, like, a
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: matriarchal society works for everybody either.
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: I think that the two work in tandem with each
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: other to keep each other balanced. The same way that
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: a stereotypical heterosexual relationship or a stereotypical binary relationship would work.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: Would work. Okay.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: And so, it's just like, I do believe... That honestly,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: maybe we should have two presidents. Maybe there should be
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: instead of a first lady, there should literally quite literally
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: be another person of a different gender expression who helps,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: you know, the opposite person make these decisions.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: More than gender. Do you know what I think it is?
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: Only president.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: Not anything else. Age. Yeah. Like, you know how we're
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: like so excited by Mamdani right now?
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: A lot of that is.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: His ability to tap into people from a different age,
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: obviously because he's a person of color, the different experiences, religion.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: I'm like, fuck, like it really is old.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: I've been producing a show where I was just on
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: a call before we started work today. And I was like,
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: I know no one is understanding this, but the guests
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: are so old because you're looking for someone of a
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: certain expert level. But like, whoa, like everything is an
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: antiquated way of thought. When someone is young, it's a different,
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: fresh perspective. Like presidents just as they're old. Politicians in general.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: I think politicians in general, but also I think it's
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: because before, I want to say maybe this year, a
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: lot of the folks that are in our generation didn't
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: give a shit about politics.
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: I've been saying that so much.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: That's why they're so blown away by AOC.
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Like it's kind of just like, but it's not AOC.
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: I think, I think for women to see, like, the
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: reversal of Roe v. Wade, to see immigrants being deported
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: and children being put in cages and civil rights and
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: cases like Nolan Wells and cases like the Cornell 7,
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: all these things coming to the forefront, we realize how
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: much of how we vote or how tapped in we
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: are to these laws, that it truly can affect our
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: livelihood and the people that we care about. And I
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: was having this conversation on my other podcast, Selective Ignorance,
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: because I was like, Am I getting old? But no,
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: when we think of politics, it's now in our music.
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: It's now in sports. We're seeing the race wars between
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: Caitlyn Clark and Angel Reese.
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: It's everything. You can't even get away from politics. We
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: just talked about mangoes, bitch. Mangoes make you talk about politics.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: Isn't that weird?
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: It's not, though. It's repeating. I think it's weird that
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: we can't escape the politic talk.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: But why do we want to?
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: We don't. But I think it's weird that it's now
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: being flooded into... Okay, for example, I was at a
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: dinner for PrEP a few weeks ago. And one of
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: the things the girl said is, we need to integrate
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: talking about PrEP into our content. How are we going
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: to do it and get people to listen? She's like, shit,
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: somehow yoga then turned into a religious conversation. And now
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: it's a Republican agenda about how it's devil worshipping. How
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: the fuck did that turn into that? Everything we consume
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: really is rooted in politics. That's why I felt like
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: in the beginning of my voting history, right? I'm 35 now.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: I was 18.
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: Republicans didn't really matter to me back then because I
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: didn't really understand it. Hey, I'm a Democrat. This is
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: how I'm going to vote.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: I didn't really get it.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: They want more tax money. Now, how can we even
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: have conversations or relationships with people that are on this
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: other side? Because we're so well-versed in politics, we know
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: how much it matters. But even when we talk about
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: like this podcast, right?
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: We talk about the non-traditional way of voting.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Navigating relationships.
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: And, like, Seattle just passed an anti-discrimination law against polyamory, asexuality,
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: and you don't even think that that has to become, like,
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: you don't even consider it a protected class or someone
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: that would receive discrimination.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: But it is.
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: Seattle's so fake work, because where the niggas at? Honestly,
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: no black people in Seattle.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: There is a handful of niggas that pop up in Seattle.
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: There's not a lot, but I love that, even again,
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: from a local level, bitch, one people... I don't think
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: I knew what midterms was until 28.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: But I don't want you to lose that because I
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: think that even when we think about protected classes around
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: polyamory and all of those things, think about like the
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: reversal of Title IX right now. And I think that
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: people don't understand like who is protected by what and
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: why those things are necessary. Like a lot of folks
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: don't know that in the military, you can't be in
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: a poly relationship.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: No, let's be very clear.
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: That's what I think is the interesting thing. And we
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: talk about like Utah who allows Mormonism and all that.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: But it's so like.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: Can you elaborate?
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: I don't have any family members really or people are
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: ex-military that I know, but.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Tell us a little bit about that.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: So essentially because they pay a living stipend or a BAH.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: And they do. And a lot of people get married
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: in the military because of that.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: Because of the BAH. And so sometimes those kids that
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: get out of high school and do the thing, their
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: parents will typically and sometimes the recruiter will typically say,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: if you have a girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever... You might want
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: to get married if you think it's going to work, right?
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: If you think it's going to work, you might want
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: to get married now because you'll get more money. You'll
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: do all these things. And of course, I'm 17, 18,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: leaving high school, and I'm already doing this thing. If
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: I can make more money, then shoot.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: Not even make more money.
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: They allow you to sometimes live off-base.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: Housing.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: Housing subsidies.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: My brother and my sister were in the Army. Shout
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: out to all the veterans.
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: And it's been so interesting in terms of even health care,
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: the ways that they encourage marriage.
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: Yes. You're right, though. It's not a system. It's not a....
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: It's just not a unit or place in any of
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: the military branches where they would be like us, where
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: we're like telling people, love how you want to love.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: Make sure you're in a healthy environment.
• 29:29
  Speaker 4: When me and my sister have conversations around the early
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: marriages that happen because of the military, a lot of
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: them end up in very toxic and abusive relationships.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: And divorce.
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: Because they're being pushed into a thing before they really
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: know themselves yeah and so i love.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: Talk about dating in the military because you're out about
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: your husband being in the military i have always said
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: publicly never a cop never a military man etc because
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: what do we think they'll be like can you talk
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: about Maybe some of the differences, because I'm sure you've
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: heard that, like, a military guy is going to be
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: too aggressive, too. But you know what?
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Like, me and my husband, like, my husband is a
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: late-in-life military. He's not, like, he didn't go into high school.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: Formative years.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like, it wasn't formative. Like, he was a grown-ass
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: man by the time he went there. So all of that, like,
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: shaping the mind.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Like, Zan is not, he's not that person. Has
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: he even told you or even, like, as y'all have
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: made friends as a couple, like, have you seen some
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: of the other side? No. No.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: My thing is, in our relationship, I support my husband
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: being able to be the freest version of himself. And
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: a large part of what happens in the military is
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: that they try to make you... It's kind of like
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: being in D9 where it's like you're a goddamn individual, right?
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: And they try to put you in the frat, essentially,
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: that is the military. And I've always told Zan... If
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: you have to lose a part of you to become
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: more of them, which means that I lose parts of
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: my husband, just know you'll lose your wife. And so
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: that's what you risk losing should you come home and
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: hoorah becomes a way of life. Yeah, he's the point
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: But, you know, like, once hoorah becomes the way of
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: this household and not the Godsey way, we got a
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: fucking problem. Because I married Mr.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: Godsey.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: I didn't marry the military man. I didn't marry the corpsman.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I didn't marry that person.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Did it ever make.
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: You— I mean, now you've been married for a while, so—
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: Did it ever make you scared?
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: Like, yeah.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: Did you ever have any worries about that? No. That's good.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: I think that, like, if I didn't see my husband
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: as a strong-minded individual, I might be. If I saw
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: him as a weak person that was going to succumb
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: to every little thing or whatever... I might have been worried.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not, like, people ask me about the cheating thing or, like, whatever. Now,
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: to be very clear.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: What cheating thing? Like, you know, military motherfucking sheep. Oh, oh, oh.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: Especially the Navy because they're on the bus.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: I was like, bitch, what content you put out that
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: I've been.
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: Oh, no, no, no.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Now I know what you mean. They be saying they
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: be fucking.
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: You know, they say that they be fucking. Wait a second.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: Wait a second. Can we create a list real quick? Mm-hmm.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: What five men don't be fucking?
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: Because we talk about truck drivers fucking, athletes fucking, rich
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: niggas fucking.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: Pilots be fucking.
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: Everybody be fucking.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: Finance bros fucking.
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: Okay, wait. Let me Google the least whore jobs. Okay,
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: I think video gamers don't be fucking. That's a lie.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: They be fucking? Okay, sure.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: Comic-Cons, they do.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: When they go to Comic-Con, I know they be fucking.
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: Least cheating professions. Like, what profession would you say? I
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: know the chefs be fucking, the doctors be fucking. Okay,
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: divorce attorney, y'all gonna laugh.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: Divorce attorney?
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, according to them, sorry.
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: Divorce attorney said this is the top professions, top three,
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: by their observations. Number one, farmers. It's attributed to grounded lifestyles,
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: long work hours, and routine.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: And probably in the middle of nowhere.
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: And nowhere. But you can't see. Where are the people?
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: With Bessie Sue, Sick Mom, and the wife. We have
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: to go up. What are we talking about? Number two, pharmacists,
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: and they say it's because there's low workplace volatility, steady routines,
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: and they have very structured environments over other medical professionals.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: Well, they ain't talking about the street pharmacists, okay?
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: Because I don't fuck them. Third are accountants, which that's
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: a lie. That's a whole lie.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: Because they be in the office late. They be fucking
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: each other.
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: I was an accountant.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: Now, the lowest infidelity rates.
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: This is interesting. The military and armed forces because they're deployed,
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: which is literally to me.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: That's literally the bullshit of the bullshit.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: You know how they be talking about data?
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: From what I heard, they keep so much of what
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: really happened. Not only cheating, not only infidelity, but abuse.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: There was... Rape. I'm looking up the most likely professions now.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: They literally will not... Because.
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: Because America holds just the military to such an esteem,
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: the burying of information of what really happens on these
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: bases and to these people and to these girls and
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: in these relationships, they literally hide it.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: Now, hey, don't come from America.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: Tell me what y'all think. The top five cheaters are.
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: Athlete. No, no.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: I would say truck drivers. I would say....
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: Restaurant, like people in the restaurant business. Okay, restaurant's in there.
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: Restaurant business. Hospitality, nightlife, and service.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: Hospitality, nightlife, and service.
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: Late hours and alcohol. I think truck drivers. Lawyers. High
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: prestige corporate roles, executive and lawyers, and financiers.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: I said finance.
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: It says they're known to have the most extramarital affairs
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: because they're driven by travel and status.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: Ooh, pilots and flight attendants.
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: Boy. I was waiting for y'all.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: That's what my first guess. Okay, then another one. They
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: say doctors and nurses.
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. They are the top on platforms like Ashley Madison,
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: overnight shifts, emotional bonding under pressure. Ashley Madison was a
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: cheating website.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Good documentary, by the way.
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: And teachers and education staff. I believe it. They be
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: cheating with the parents. Yeah, teachers. What is that?
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: Wait, let me see.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: Okay, you have a class of 22 students. Baby, that's
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: 22 niggas.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: Okay, it says that. 22 different niggas. And you know what?
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: Let's go ahead and say about 16, because all of
• 34:58
  Speaker 4: them ain't showing up for the kids.
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: Touche.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: So out of 22 kids, 16 of them got a daddy,
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: and you looking.
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: And you looking.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: Wait, you think they're fucking daddies now?
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: Are they co-workers? First off, they fucking the kids now.
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: I think it's both.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: I was going to say, I think it's a little bit,
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: because they fucking the kids too. That little boy, because
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure, and like, somebody fact check me if
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: I'm wrong, because I'm not, you know. But there was
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: supposedly a reported case, like very recently, of a teacher
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: who got caught having sex with her student. And come
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: to find out, the reason we only know is because
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: the boy said.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: The head was... Said his bad head.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: It was bad head, bitch.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: That was the only reason that we found out. She
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: didn't get caught. He came out and said that her
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: head was bad. So I don't know if I ever
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: talked about the teacher I went on a few dates with,
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: but this nigga wasn't really like a... important enough to
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: bring up on the show. But I don't... It's not
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: like I knew him well. However, he was a high
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: school teacher in Brooklyn. It was a public school. Few dates.
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: Once I found his Instagram and I saw... videos of
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: him with some of the kids I was like whoa
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: I couldn't tell if the girls were other teachers or
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: staff members or they looked so grown I was like
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: oh the girls now look grown I was like there's
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: no way he's he isn't flirting like I actually couldn't
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: talk to him anymore he didn't do anything I just
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: couldn't see a world your insecurity oh it was because
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: it's something that I'd experienced in high school and I
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: don't know if I could date a man with.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: That risk like Knowing what you did.
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Because I did too. I wasn't fucking teachers, but
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: I was flirting. I liked the teacher, but I was flirting. Oh, no.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: I definitely fucked the teacher. Oh, you fucked the teacher
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: in high school? I definitely fucked the teacher. I definitely. Sorry. So.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: Basically, now what I will say is during school, he
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: was throwing hints that I caught, but I was like,
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: I can't possibly be catching these hints.
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: What are hints that an older teacher would be throwing
• 36:47
  Speaker 4: to a high schooler?
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: So he would say things like, so I had Jim.
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: And he would be in the gym sometimes with the
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: class because the way our school was, it was just
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: a little ghetto. And so he would say things about
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: my shorts or like in the gym before we got
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: like an actual dance studio, we would have dance class.
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: And so you would have the basketball players over here,
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: the random class that had to be in the gym
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: over here.
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: And then the dance class at the front of the gym.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: And he would just like come over and be like,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: so you're going to do that split, you know, again,
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: or like he would just say things.
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: Right. That word like right on that edge of like, huh?
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: The time that.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: It like where everything started to get initiated was I
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: remember leaning in one day just kind of being a
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: little grown and feisty because I was tired of him
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: like saying stuff and then me not saying nothing back.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: And so one day I was just like, well, you
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: ain't ready for this. I'll meet you in your office.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: And he retorted with like, OK, give me five. And
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: I was not sure if he was serious because there
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: was nobody else around.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: How old are you again?
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: At that time, I was 17 because I was about
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: to graduate.
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: And what did sex look like? But wait, wait, wait.
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: You met him in five? I met him in five.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: But the thing about it was, again, because this is
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: my teacher, I'm not sure if this man is joking.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: I don't want to end up in the principal's office
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: because I'm pushing up on a teacher and missing the signal.
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: So you're not even nervous about, you're nervous about if
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: I'm going to get in trouble.
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: I'm worried about if I'm going to get in trouble
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: because I'm like, if this man is reading this, if
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: I'm reading this man wrong, then bitch, I'm expelled like
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: a couple of weeks before I graduate. And so when
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: I get in.
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: There, he's also- I don't know if you would have
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: been expelled. I don't know.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: No, I don't think so.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: The child never gets to be the aggressor in that.
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: But what if, what Hope's saying is, he said, I'm
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: going to tell this kid is doing X, Y, Z.
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: But the conversations around it is, if we think of consent,
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: if we think of sex, if we think of all
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: those things, A child, whether she's quote unquote fast or not,
• 38:45
  Speaker 4: doesn't ever get to be an aggressor to an adult
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: because the adult knows better.
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: But we black men, dude, that's different.
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: No, I can see a little.
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: I think he would have gotten fired before. If he
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: would have came to the school and said, hey, she's
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: been making comments.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that it's very different if it felt
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: like a continuously mutual thing, then I think that's a
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: gray area. But I told this man to meet me
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: in his office in five. And I was there before
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: he got there in the five with the intention to
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: see where his mind was.
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: And I think that if a.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: Teacher goes to the principal... Like, my thing is, the
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: entire time I was waiting on him to get there
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: in the five, I was also, I ain't gonna hold you, like, lightweight,
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: wondering if the principal was gonna walk in with him.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: You know, because you just never know how that's being interpreted.
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: But I ain't stop you from getting that dick.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: So it did not stop me from getting that dick.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: It was very small, but he ate.
• 39:38
  Speaker 4: Not it was very small, but of course he ate
• 39:40
  Speaker 4: because eaters be, the best eaters be small.
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he ate, like, the pro down, like, off the gristle.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: Like, just, yes.
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: Now, let me ask you this. No shade, but you're 17. Condoms. No.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: And just think about this man having sex. And the
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: thing about that, too, was like, Because I also wasn't,
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: my father had passed away from HIV, I want to
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: say a couple of months before that. Because my father
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: passed away my senior year. So my father passed away
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: from HIV like a couple of months before that. But
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: I think I was also ignorant. And this is why
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy that HIV is so much more of
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: a prevalent conversation.
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: Because. And PrEP and all the things.
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: Oh my God.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: So in my mind, my ignorant child brain was like, oh,
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: he's a teacher. He's responsible enough to not have HIV
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: because he's a teacher.
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: No, I don't think that's something that's in my mind
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: at the time.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: At least I was like, oh, no, adults.
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: Because again, because adults, adults, adults. They know better. Adults
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: know better.
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: So there's no, like, mind you, with, like, my peers
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: who I was, like, engaging with in high school, I
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: was definitely like, oh, like, do we have a condom
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: to do with it?
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: Because you're my peer.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: But when I see you as an adult, I assume
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: that you're more responsible. You're more responsible.
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: There's no way.
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: As an adult, do we know how dumb that is?
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: Dumb. Because these adults is dumb. I'm just, like, really
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: thinking about how traumatic this is. Like, being LGBTQ and you're, like,
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: I never knew that. Whoa.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: My mama never knew it either, but she don't watch
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: the show, so I'm happy. Yeah, because my mama actually
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: really liked this particular teacher. And mind you, we only
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: had sex once.
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah, because it was small. If it was. No, no.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: I was talking about your dad. I never knew that.
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: What? I talk about it all the time, Weezy. But
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: I think it just never clicked for me. Maybe I've
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: heard you talk about your dad not being here, but
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: did that click for me? No. Yeah, no.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: And we actually found out, ironically enough, my father contracted
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: it from a trans woman who told my mom to
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: get tested because she thought that they were still together.
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: So when she found out that she had contracted HIV,
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: my mom was very popular in Miami and And so,
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: of course, this woman knows that, you know, that's my
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: mom and baby daddy. And so she was just like,
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure if you're still fucking with him, but
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: I just found out and I'm almost positive that he
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: does because.
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: How did.
• 42:10
  Speaker 4: Do you remember at all, like, How your mom responded
• 42:12
  Speaker 4: to getting that news?
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: Was that a conversation y'all shared? My mama didn't give
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: a fuck. Really?
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: So my mama told me that story after I told
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: her that I found out that he had HIV.
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: My mama had already known.
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: Nobody told me.
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: And so I want to assume that my father probably
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: caught HIV shortly after they broke up or something like that,
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: which was in the 90s. And my like, I think
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: everybody just was like, well, we don't let him tell
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: you at some point. And so my dad didn't even
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: plan to tell me he got into a fight and
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: the guy cut him in the face. And basically when
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: the EMS showed up, you know, they have to ask
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: the questions like, sir, is there anything? And so my
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: dad is sitting there trying to like whisper because obviously
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: my kid is right here and I don't want to
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: say this in front of my kid. But it was
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: a young white guy who was just honestly, I think,
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: just trying to do his job and was like, sir,
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: what did you say?
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: Like, huh? What?
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: And so finally my dad is like, I have HIV.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: And that was the first time I heard him say
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: it when I was 13.
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: And so, of course, that happens. Me and my dad
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: do not discuss it.
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: He gets stitched up.
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: It was never a conversation. I had more of a
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: conversation about the HIV status with my stepmother at the
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: time than I did with my father. I got home
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: because I think he was embarrassed.
• 43:29
  Speaker 3: So he took me home.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: And I remember he left me for like maybe an
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: hour or two with my stepmother. And I told her
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: what happened. And she told me that she also had
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: HIV and that, you know.
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: All the things. And so... Is she still alive today? Yes,
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: she is.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: But unfortunately, as soon as my father passed away, she relapsed.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: She relapsed on pretty much everything that you could.
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: Not on such a Pisces. You see me looking like
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: I'm about to tear up.
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: Don't.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: I mean, life is life. And I think that people
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: make the decisions that they make. We all have choices.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: And as unfortunate as some of those things are, I
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: think that we all have to live through them for
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: a reason.
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: I think it's really, like, a feeling, like, emotional because...
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: You see someone today, and I'm talking about me looking
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: at you, and of course I know you have a
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: past or history, and I know your father's gone. But
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: I didn't necessarily connect the dots of how you've been
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: sharing a message and living, like, being a kid. I
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: don't know. For me, I have a homegirl of mine
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: who recently told me her father passed from HIV. And
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: one of the things she said was very difficult for
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: her was she's gay.
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: And she's like, so.
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: As I grew up, people used to bring up my
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: dad to me as if it was something I needed
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: to watch out for. They'd bring it up to my brothers,
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: our family, and it would just be always this thing
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: to hang over our head. Like, you know, I now
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: need to be accountable for my father's sins, or I
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: can't live my life. And carrying the burden of making
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: sure I protect myself at all times, it's just so much. Like,
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: trying to explore yourself, trying to just be living it.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: It's a lot.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: But, you know, I think when I was younger— not
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: catching HIV was like my biggest thing around sex. Like,
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: do what you want to do, just don't catch HIV.
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: And most of it wasn't even, like my mom never
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: weaponized it in that way. Like she did weaponize it once,
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: but never because of my father. It was never like
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: a vindictive thing in that way. But it was, I
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: think for me, I didn't want his death to feel
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: like it was in vain. And so for me, it
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: was like how you watch somebody like deteriorate the way
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: that you watch your daddy deteriorate and then be out here.
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: Fucking not protecting yourself.
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: And so for me, that was the thing around it
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: for so long in my sexual journey where I was
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: just like, I just can't like if I'm gonna go out,
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: it can't be that because that would be so disappointing.
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: And to meet my daddy in the afterlife, I have
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: to tell him like that that's what that's what did it.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: would just that would I felt shame around the idea
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: of that and so for me it was just like
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: okay in order to ensure that I don't let's just
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: be more educated yeah and then the message went from
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: the shame around it or the I just don't want
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: to do this to being educated and educating other people
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: so that there's not like this stigma but there's just
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: more so information that you get to have.
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: It's interesting because you have a beautiful post on your
• 46:09
  Speaker 4: page about certain conversations becoming exhausting.
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: Whether it be racism, whether it be even patriarch, whether
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: it be all of these things. And when I went
• 46:19
  Speaker 4: through the slide, I was like, damn, even on this podcast,
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: going into 10 years, I've found myself being exhausted a
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: little bit about the redundance of certain conversations that seem
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: to be had on deaf ears. for championing or pushing
• 46:37
  Speaker 4: people to feel happy in their non-traditional ways of love
• 46:41
  Speaker 4: or how they view it while other people shame you
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: out of it. And so it's refreshing because hearing you
• 46:47
  Speaker 4: speak of even PrEP and HIV and how it impacted
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: your life, it was such a new way of which
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: we had it here. I'm curious, how do we continue
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: to even keep having these conversations when we A, become
• 47:02
  Speaker 4: exhausted by the response of it to everyone.
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: Else, and B, when it becomes more.
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: Of you being the face and activist of it and
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: people stop viewing you as a person. Because you talk
• 47:16
  Speaker 4: a lot about this, we talk a lot about this,
• 47:18
  Speaker 4: and to me, like, To still 10 years walk into
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: a room and I'm just a.
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: Ho to people. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: For you to be sharing all the ways in which
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: you've experienced your journey for you to still be just
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: minimized to just that. Yeah.
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: When does it become like, okay, these conversations are bigger
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: than me and I have to keep having them even
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: at the detriment of my own mental health?
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: I think for me, if nobody else is going to
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: do it and you know that you're going to complain
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: about the people that are doing it, then you do
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: the thing that you know you need to see. I
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: could complain about the amount of people that are out
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: here creating content a certain way. I could complain about
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: the visibility of certain folks over other people. Or I
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: could just create my own shit. That's the beauty of
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: social media. It is. I don't have to hop in
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: your comment section and tell you to talk about a
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: thing that I'm passionate about.
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: I could just talk about the thing.
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: And I think that as a self-starter, which a lot
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: of people aren't, and I recognize that.
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: That's what it is.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: A lot of people are not self-starters. And so the
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: reason that they're really in your comments isn't necessarily because
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: they're upset with you for not talking about it. It's
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: that they need to hear it. And they are not
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: the type of person that is willing to be the
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: person to say it. And because they trust you with
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: so much of their other information, they're just like, But
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: Mandy always talking about the things that I love how
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: she breaks it down. I just want to hear her
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: talk about this so that I can feel like it's
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: real and somebody put it out there who I trust.
• 48:33
  Speaker 4: I think that's what I have to lean into, too,
• 48:35
  Speaker 4: with the listeners, the whorehive members, people that support me.
• 48:39
  Speaker 4: They enjoy the conversations, but it does sometimes get louder
• 48:42
  Speaker 4: for the people who feel like these conversations shouldn't be had.
• 48:45
  Speaker 4: Or we're fighting against the people that want to debate
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: our existence?
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: Go elsewhere.
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: Go elsewhere.
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: The thing is now I don't even respond to the
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: comments anymore. Like I posted a picture the other day
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: and I did have to edit it because I didn't
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: like the way that the lighting was. It was just
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: a little fuzzy because it was a nighttime picture. And
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: the folks are just like, oh, AI, AI, AI, AI.
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: And I'm just like, I don't feel the need to
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: go back and forth with y'all bitches. And what I
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: think the thing was that was so interesting for me
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: and how I really settled in and just went to
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: sleep on that shit, I looked up and I was like,
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: there are 3,000 people that like this post. And I
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: could focus on the 3,000 people that like this post
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: and the over 200 something people saying, oh my God,
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: y'all look so beautiful. Or I could focus on the
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: 20 of y'all that's like trying to prove that this
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: is AI. Why the fuck do we like lean in
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: on these negative things when there are so many people
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: that say all these beautiful things?
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: We're more attracted to it.
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: It's not like we're attracted to it in terms of
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: making us feel good, but we're more attracted to the
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: energy that makes us feel something. That's how many people
• 49:47
  Speaker 3: call you beautiful on a regular basis. 200 people to say,
• 49:51
  Speaker 3: y'all look amazing. Yeah.
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: However, you're kind of used to it.
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I am.
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: That's just the truth.
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: I'll be used to people. The way people love to
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: just let it be known that they'd never agree with me.
• 50:04
  Speaker 3: And oh my God, I agree with you.
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: Like, why?
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: Why?
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: Why? I've always found that to be like a weird,
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: this is the first time I.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: Ever agree with something that you don't care about.
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: I don't, like— You know what I actually have found
• 50:20
  Speaker 3: is my thing that— So, I definitely could never and
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: would never, but yeah, cool for you. So don't, bitch.
• 50:30
  Speaker 3: So don't. Oh, I ain't gonna lie. There's someone in
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: the horror hive, and it seems like something very small,
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: and it's of course not like I care, because my
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: ring isn't for everybody. But I was just so fucking annoyed,
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: because I feel like, as adults, we know how to
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: have conversation around things that aren't for us. Mm-hmm. Let's
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: just say, I don't know. I don't like ripped jeans.
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: Let's just say that. And I'm just like, yeah, you
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: know what, Mandy?
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: Like, I don't know if I could ever have my
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: knees out, but it look good on you.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: You don't need to know that. So she tells me, that's.
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: A ring shape. I just would never go for it.
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: Not my thing.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: It ain't yours.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: But congrats.
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: Huh?
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: Just say congrats.
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: It drives me crazy that you think I give a shit.
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: about telling me why you don't fuck with what I'm doing.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: But why does it drive you crazy, though?
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: I think it's more so because I don't put that
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: out to people because I know it's something that isn't necessary.
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: Let's just say I would never wear a big seat.
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: Actually, to be honest, I'm too nervous to wear a
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: short cut. I don't know if I could ever go
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: bald because I don't think I'm confident enough to just
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: have no hair around my face. But I'm still not
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: going to say, never could be me. But I love it.
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: I actually think it's a part of being kind of
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: disrespectful and rude to people, actually. I think it's a
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: way of slightly nagging. It's a slight. And I think, unless,
• 51:47
  Speaker 3: you know, we're tossing it around and being silly, but
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: when comments do that, especially from people you don't know,
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: it can feel strange. People really enjoy doing that to others.
• 51:55
  Speaker 3: Can I ask you?
• 51:57
  Speaker 4: Your comfortability with being so open and posting so much
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: about your relationship. Because so many people, I think the
• 52:03
  Speaker 4: conversations are now like she's hiding the face of her
• 52:06
  Speaker 4: partner for protection.
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: You share the.
• 52:09
  Speaker 4: Trips you go on, the backstory of your relationship. How
• 52:12
  Speaker 4: did you decide that you wanted to be public with
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: your relationship? And the opposite, what's your decision to hide
• 52:19
  Speaker 4: the face? Like, I think it's while we're talking about
• 52:21
  Speaker 4: relationships and social media and comments and how people can
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: impact us. What makes you choose to be so public
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: about something that is so private and near to your
• 52:31
  Speaker 4: heart and your decision to navigate how you're doing it?
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: Y'all don't know shit about my relationship. And I think
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: that that's the funny thing.
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: Like, y'all don't know shit about it.
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: I love having a husband that's with the shits with me.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: My husband supports what I want to do in life.
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: And he's like, if that's going to get the content
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: that gets the views, that gets you a check. Let's
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: do the thing. And it's not to say that everything
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: is fake because obviously like my reactions to things are real.
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: I'm excited to have somebody that loves me so much.
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: But a lot of what I show y'all is the
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: curated version of what I want y'all to see. It
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: is not my relationship at its core. My friends, my tribe,
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: my people know what it gives. And I mean, it's
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: still very similar, but it's not the ins and outs
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: because y'all don't, I don't post things that you get
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: to have an opinion about. In a way that would
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: make me want to fuck you up. Because about my husband,
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: I'm going to step every time. And I mean that
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: for any and everybody. Like, bitch, you want to see
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: the horns come out? You want to see a different
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: side of me? Bitch, fuck with my husband.
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: Call me any name you want to call me.
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: But the person that goes out of his way that
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: is willing to sacrifice that will take a fucking bullet
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: for me, and I think not twice about that, I
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: dare you. You know what I'm saying? And so what
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: I do post is cute shit. It's shit that you
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: really can't say nothing about. And if you do, it's like, oh,
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: the outfit is.
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: Off or oh, the whatever. But like... The nerve of using.
• 53:50
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying?
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: But I don't give people the ins and outs or like, oh,
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: he cheated on me or oh, whatever. I would never
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: come to the internet with our real shit unless it
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: was something that I felt like somebody could actually benefit
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: and grow from. And even that would not be our
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: personal business. It would be more so, like, we had
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: a tiff about so-and-so, and we realized that actually, like,
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: using the number system to address our emotions in that
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: moment was great for us, right? Like, and so I think, like,
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: things like that, I wouldn't mind sharing. But again, like,
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: you don't know what the tiff was about.
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: It could have been about him eating my ice cream.
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: Like, you don't know that, like, I'm never going to
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: give y'all an in to be like, oh, well, I
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: know that their relationship is so-and-so. in toxic bullshit but
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: it is important for me to have visibility because i
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: think like and i'm i really wanted to avoid if
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: i think we're deep enough into the episode that they
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: hear now but as a black trans woman the thing
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: that is important for me is that people know that
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: we can be loved out loud loved i and that.
• 54:49
  Speaker 3: There are you know i thought that that was the
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: exact reason why you showed him.
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: Think you know like for me it's it wasn't really
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: about that I I live my life like I want
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: to be Beyonce because I want to be Beyonce like
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: in my own right and so it was less about
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: like oh just that being the thing but it was
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: more so about having my own version of the Carter
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: you know fiasco and and thing like I think we
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: know about Beyonce and Jay's relationship but we don't know
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: shit about their relationship and I love that.
• 55:16
  Speaker 3: I think the black trans story we've heard is that
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: love is harder to find and I don't I don't know.
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: I talked about it with another trans homegirl of mine.
• 55:25
  Speaker 3: She's not like a public persona or whatever online. But
• 55:29
  Speaker 3: she was like, I didn't know you know Hope. I'm like, well, yeah, girl,
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: I'm a podcaster. And she was like, ugh, I don't
• 55:35
  Speaker 3: know how I could find me a fine nigga now.
• 55:37
  Speaker 3: That's what she said to me. It was right when
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: you posted your wedding photos. And she lives in Atlanta now,
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: but kind of felt like Atlanta already has a lot
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: of DL culture. She was like, it's harder to date
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: there seriously than New York. And has referenced you a
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: few times. And when hearing her say that, I was like, damn,
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: I wonder if that was a conscious thought of, you know,
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: and like.
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: A lot of the things that like so posting the
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: wedding and having the movie that accompanied the wedding and
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: like all of the different photo shoots and things like that.
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: It is to showcase to people that not because it's
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: not even just the trans thing. I'm a dark skinned
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: black trans woman who is intelligent, who is married to
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: a dark skinned black man.
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: Like because when you see us and we finally do
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: get somebody is a Trevor. Like, and that's the expectation
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: is that the only people that can love y'all out
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: loud are white men or men who are not black.
• 56:32
  Speaker 4: I mean, I think that having the show is important
• 56:35
  Speaker 4: because even talking about pegging and talking about being solo
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: poly and being able to navigate and share things My
• 56:44
  Speaker 4: truth with.
• 56:44
  Speaker 3: Men, I only date black men. And most of them
• 56:47
  Speaker 3: are American black men, except I got one foreigner right now.
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: But even that, he's aware of how I navigate things.
• 56:53
  Speaker 4: And I think that that's a big thing with both
• 56:57
  Speaker 4: of our legacies in that this show, your platform, is
• 57:01
  Speaker 4: showing people how what people didn't think could happen for
• 57:05
  Speaker 4: us as black women is possible, can be beautiful. You
• 57:10
  Speaker 4: can live in your truth and be accepted and loved
• 57:13
  Speaker 4: But there's.
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: Someone out there for you. You know, there's a conversation
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: I can't wait to have post Kendra's episode. But we
• 57:20
  Speaker 3: just had Kendra G on as a guest and she
• 57:22
  Speaker 3: was really fun. And as she was leaving, she said,
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: I would change once I have children. She thinks I
• 57:27
  Speaker 3: will change. I don't think she understands maybe the depth
• 57:33
  Speaker 3: of talking to non-monogamous or poly people.
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: But definitely someone that knows dating.
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: But I can't tell you how exhausted I am with
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: someone telling me I'll be different. Yeah.
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: And maybe I will, but also.
• 57:44
  Speaker 4: I mean, you said that on our Patreon episode, you
• 57:47
  Speaker 4: said that women don't get to... live this way when
• 57:51
  Speaker 4: they have when they become moms but that's like we didn't.
• 57:53
  Speaker 3: Know i said it's not as easy that's what i
• 57:55
  Speaker 3: said but it's not it was never an argument.
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: With you man you as a woman before children that
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: aren't as easy to continue but you still make that.
• 58:02
  Speaker 3: Now i want to i want to double down on
• 58:04
  Speaker 3: this again that conversation was really annoying i obviously know
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: and understand women can be hoes women can't fuck a
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: bunch of niggas when they're like they can be lifestyle
• 58:13
  Speaker 3: i just do know it's harder it's not as easy
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: it's really hard all my friends that were living in In,
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: I would say, New York and kind of turned into this, like,
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: suburban mom. It was tough to, like, be like, damn,
• 58:25
  Speaker 3: I used to be into this. However, completely different conversation
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: from what Kendra said to me. Okay. Telling me I
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: am someone that is going to change as a non-monogamous person. Yes,
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: it will not be the same. I'm not going to
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: be able to come on this motherfucker. If something's not
• 58:39
  Speaker 3: the same, it's a change, right?
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: I think that there's a difference in.
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: What I think is that you are trying to dictate
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: to me.
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: I'm talking about.
• 58:49
  Speaker 3: If I can't go out and fuck a bunch of
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: people on a weekend because I don't have child care
• 58:54
  Speaker 3: or go have a threesome like we did on Saturday
• 58:57
  Speaker 3: or go and do XYZ because I have a kid.
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: To me, that is different than saying you won't want
• 59:01
  Speaker 3: this anymore. You won't want that.
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: And I've also talked about my best friend.
• 59:04
  Speaker 3: Brianda literally has looked me and my man dead in
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: the face and be like, you guys are going to
• 59:07
  Speaker 3: stop this soon.
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: You know, and I know she doesn't.
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: Mean it that way, but it's because she finds us
• 59:13
  Speaker 3: to be serious people, believes we'll be serious parents, but
• 59:16
  Speaker 3: we don't include someone's sexuality in that. Now, when I
• 59:19
  Speaker 3: talk about what someone has the capacity for versus who
• 59:23
  Speaker 3: they are inside, those are two different things. But can't
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: tell you how many times I've heard that. Can't tell
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: you how many times I've heard a monogamous woman tell
• 59:30
  Speaker 3: me I will no longer be non-monogamous when I have
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: a kid. The volume will stop, but I think it's...
• 59:38
  Speaker 3: I'm who I am at my core. I think we
• 59:40
  Speaker 3: de-center women being able to be sexual beings.
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: But you know, the amount of people that are waiting
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: on me and Zayn to get a divorce, like, is
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: a thing. Like, I think people think that.
• 59:51
  Speaker 3: Wait, wait, wait. You said people are waiting? People are waiting.
• 59:53
  Speaker 3: But misery loves company.
• 59:54
  Speaker 4: They're waiting to celebrate something that they already think wasn't possible.
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: Are you believing this or seeing it?
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 3: No, I'm seeing this. I've been told this.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: I've been screenshotted group chats where people are just, you know, like.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 3: Not a group chat. Not a group chat about your marriage.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 3: That's awful.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: But also, I think that that's the thing about visibility,
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: which is why I believe that Weezy handles it the
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: way that she handles it. Because it's the other thing
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: where it's like, now a person will see Zan out.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: And if he's talking to a barista too long and smiling,
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: I've had pictures. I've had pictures of my husband at
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: a Starbucks meeting. Just smiling and talking to a girl,
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: ordering coffee. And it's just like, y'all are weird bitches.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: I agree.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: Y'all are weird bitches. But I think that it's also
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: because we're not supposed to have this. It's not supposed
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: to be a thing. I'm not supposed to be visible.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: And then on top of that, it's not just that
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: I have it, but I have it in luxury. And so.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: I saw the Thailand photos, girl. I mean, but it
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: was outside. Even if I had never, I think that people.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: I don't scam. I don't scheme. I don't have an OnlyFans.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: I've never been a sex worker. There's not a single
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: person who can say that they paid me in a
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: traditional sense as a worker for my body.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 4: Can I also say then how you're sharing your thought,
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 4: your mind, your journey, your relationship? The myth is that
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 4: That's the only option for trans women is to be
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 4: sex workers.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 3: Exactly. Or they have to. That's their lane. That's their route.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 3: And it is.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 4: It has been a lot of the story for so many,
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 4: but I love that even you just put this is
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 4: because that is what people believe.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: But my thing is a lot of that is true, unfortunately,
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: because the older trans women who paved the way were
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: in a different position in a different situation for us.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: And so while I think that that was their truth,
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: even with the changing of how the world is moving
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: around us, even though it's regressing at this particular moment.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: Even with that, some of the older girls are still
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: telling these new girls they're teaching them old school hoe games.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: And for me, I'm just like, but we.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 3: What's an old school hoe game? We done thought about
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: old school hoe games.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm an old school hoe.
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 3: Lying about you pregnant to get some money for a
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: fake abortion that you ain't gonna do. That's old school
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 3: hoe shit.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: But it's also, it's the setup. It's like you see
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: the new young trans girls come out and you immediately
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: tell them where to go, how to do it, where to...
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: You're not telling them, oh, like, are you in school? Like,
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: we're not asking these girls, like, what you're doing. We're
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: immediately being like, OK, so to get your surge, you
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: have to fuck this many guys and price yourself out
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: at this point. Like, that's what these young girls are
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: hearing from some of these people.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 4: I want to make sure we platform it while we're
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 4: talking about it.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 3: Not your average girl. Yeah. Your documentary. Yeah.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 4: What was the importance of it? Why did you choose
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 4: to create it? Who do you want as the audience
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 4: to view it?
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 3: And what do you want?
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: Because you give a graphic warning like it's.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, everybody. I think everybody. And it's award winning. It
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 3: is award winning.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: It is award winning.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 3: We won at Essence. Yes.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: But I think everybody needs to see it. I think
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: anybody who has ever had any opinion about trans people,
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: especially black trans people, need to see it. Because I
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: think that we've seen the stroll. We've seen, you know,
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: the girls get downtrodden and beaten and all of the things. Like,
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: we've seen... Every other film about a trans woman is
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: about the way that we went from the dick-sucking to
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: fame pipeline. And while I think that, you know, the...
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: shout out to TS Madison, the TS Madison of the
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: world are cool. It's like, why don't we have other
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: representations of trans people that folks are like, oh, but
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: I also want to be this version. I also want
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: to see this. I also, why is it that when
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: people see trans women, the first and the only thing
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: that they think of is exclusively entertainment, whether that be beauty,
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: whether that be, you know, hairdressing or whatever the case
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: may be. But they're not thinking about trans lawyers or
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: trans doctors or trans philosophers or trans public speakers. And
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: so for me, this film was about making sure that
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: we dismantle that because not only am I that, but
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: I'm an activist and an advocate. You are. And I'm
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: not a transgender advocate or I advocate for trans people.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: I'm an activist who happens to be trans. And then
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: also living in that, like, I don't live a regla
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: degla shmegla lifestyle. And I'm so grateful and I'm so
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: blessed for that. But I think that also it reminds
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: people that trans folks are, you know, seeking to do
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: some of the same things and have some of the
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: same goals. Like we want the same cars and we
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: want the same lives and we want the same X,
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: Y's and Z's without having to owe some John who
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: lives on the other side of the world while paying
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: for your condo, you know, ass and pussy or dick
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: or whatever you have when he comes into town every,
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: you know, three to six weeks. And I wanted first
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: and foremost to make sure that there was a representation
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: of of Black trans women that showcase us as strong
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: and intelligent and vivacious and full of love and full
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: of pain. Like, I talk about my chemo in that story. Like,
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: I talked about my sexual assault. Like, it's not one
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: of those films where you get to say, like, oh,
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: I know what this is going to be like because
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: I've seen a trans film before. And so if you're
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: one of those people that's like, I'm sick of seeing
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: these types, all of us are valid.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 3: But if you've been looking for that content, it's in
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 3: the film. Hello. I love that. That was deep. I
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 3: love that. Because you're right. Where can they watch it?
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: So right now we're in the running for Sundance.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 3: Hello Sundance!
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: That's where the rich nigga's at. Not that that's what
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: we're talking about, but trust me.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: But yeah, after we do that, we're going to very
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: likely be on Amazon.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 3: Okay. I love that.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 2: Well, Hope, I'm so glad we found you.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 3: Oh, November 1st, your project comes out.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 2: And you're about to be a podcast.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 3: I'm about to be a podcast. That's good. November. And, baby,
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 3: she was so messy. Didn't you remember how she started
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 3: that episode?
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 2: Bitch, you a messy bitch.
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: You a messy bitch.
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 3: I am. I am.
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: Why you don't like that girl for real?
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 3: Wait, what bitch is it? You, bitch. I started Hope's episode.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 2: She said, why y'all like her?
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: I said, okay, not true. I was like, why y'all
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: like Mandy for real? And she was like, that's not true.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 4: You were valid to ask that at the time because
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 4: I believe the reason why I wasn't there is because
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 4: we didn't like each other so much that we decided
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 4: to film separately for a little bit.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, no. No.
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: Weezy is on the episode.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, wait, y'all did this shit recently?
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 3: Yes. A few months in. Nigga, I sat down.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: I thought this was when you came on like, Eight
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 2: years ago.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: I feel like... Did you have cue cards in your hand?
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 2: You set up.
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 3: You messy bitch. But you know... Hold on now.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: People are going to be so gay.
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: The thing about it is that first episode, you and
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: I had a one-way beef. I was pissed off with you.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 3: Over what? So.
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 2: You know what's crazy?
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 4: When I saw you... So first off, and I've been
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 4: following your content, which is why we embraced.
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 2: I said, hey, Essence. And so when I booked you,
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 2: she was like.
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 3: I... you would hope we're good. I thought you didn't
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 3: like her. And I was like, when did I not
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 3: like her? Was it over some content? Because I will say,
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 3: there was, you were doing a lot of content, I'm
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 3: just going to say, with Tahoe at one point.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 4: And I was anti-platforming anyone that was doing stuff with
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 4: him as well.
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 2: But what one-way beef we had?
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 1: So, mind you, this was unbeknownst to you. It was
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: a one-way beef because I never really addressed it.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: But Tahoe, they had a So Shameless show in Atlanta
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: years ago.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: And if I'm not mistaken, I think it was, It
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: wasn't Poor Minds, but it was another, like— Cocktails?
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 3: Cocktails. Okay. Thank you. So, Cocktails was there. Yes.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: And I went up, and we were there to, like,
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: do the whole trans guest thing or whatever the case
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: may be.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 3: It went left real fucking fast. Well, because he's not
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 3: a safe space. I don't think so.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: But it wasn't even— because Taha wasn't on stage. It was
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: just me and Dodge, but the audience took it there
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: on purpose.
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 3: Oh, no. Oh, no.
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: So they basically had to end the segment because it
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: was in person, and there was not enough security for
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: what looked like was about to transpire.
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 3: Oh, shit. Okay.
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: And I walked off the stage, and the cocktail girls
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: were just like, I mean, that's what.
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 3: Happened when you think you will da-da-da-da-da.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: And who was standing right next to them giggling and
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: ha-ha-ing Kiki and about me being a trainee but Mandy?
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 4: I don't know if I heard that comment, but I
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 4: also can't see Kiki and Medina doing that.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 3: Bullshit.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: Bullshit, because that wasn't one of those things.
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 4: But I also wonder if it was misread.
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 2: Maybe it was. Because even at that time.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 3: I was taking a whole friend to To fairytale. Okay.
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 2: What time?
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 3: Like, literally at that time.
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 2: What year was this?
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 3: I don't remember. Was it early in the week?
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: We were, I don't want to say we were in COVID.
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 3: I don't remember being there.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 2: Was this the one that was outside?
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 3: No, no, no.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: It was inside, like, this, like, random venue in Atlanta.
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: It was, like, it felt like a warehouse-y district or
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: whatever because we had to pull in and there was
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: a bunch of other things that you could go to,
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: but they had, like, books.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 3: Well, if it's when you're all cool, it must have
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 3: been a minute ago. Yeah.
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 2: No, this had to be.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: It was a brick ago.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 3: 2018, 2019. This is.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 3: If it was a live show in Atlanta during, like,
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 3: that was years ago.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: It was a brick ago, which is another reason why, like,
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: when I saw you recently, because I think we both, well,
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: not we both, but I think that there was a
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: point where I did see your opinions changing. Well, I
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: don't want to say changing because, again.
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 3: I didn't know.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: What your opinion was right but like I started to
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: see you say things that I was like maybe I
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: got that wrong or maybe she grew whatever the case
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: may be I remember not feeling as whatever I I.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 4: Then wholeheartedly Would like to apologize if that's how you
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 4: received that, if that happened at all. And I didn't
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 4: stop the banter or the laughter because for even the
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 4: men in my life who I know are trans attracted,
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 4: the women that I've grown friendships with and the conversations
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 4: I've had, I would have never.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 3: Wanted a trans woman to feel that way. So thank
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 3: you for letting.
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 4: Me know that because I apologize if, you know, how
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 4: that played out because I would have never wanted you
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 4: to feel that way.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I appreciate that. Um, but it's forever fucked up.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: Um, you know, I just, and I think it's just
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: because like, I knew for a fact that you were
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: kind of just like laughing. And so your point, it
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: might've been one of those things where you didn't really
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 1: hear the joke and you might've been drunk, whatever.
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 3: Right. But like, I, I, because it was, it was
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 3: a function.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: It was, but it was one of those things where like,
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: I knew they, that I'm sure like, I heard.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 4: You allowed me to approach you in essence and you
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 4: ain't just slapped me in the face.
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, no, no.
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 4: Cause I know we haven't really been in the same space,
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 4: but yeah, I've, I, So, okay, now it makes sense
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 4: because when she said, I said, well.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 3: What before?
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: Well, I had just found out that when we recorded.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 3: Because I thought it was an interaction that you had on.
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 3: I told her, I said, oh, so I invited Hope.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 3: She said, are you sure? Are you sure? Like, uh.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 3: I don't know what I said. You didn't like her, right?
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 3: I was like. But. Okay. I think I had thought.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 3: before Hope said this just to me a few months ago,
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 3: because I didn't know this entire time, but I knew
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 3: when you came to our live show, there was something.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 3: So I was like, but my whole thing was Tahoe.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 3: Tahoe has created a very, because I had to have.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 2: The same conversation with Kasha, who I met at Hedo.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 4: And there was, when he got to Harder Salt, he,
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 4: I think he mishandled his relationship with Orlando.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 2: He's with Cudi, with, there's been, with me.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 4: And so the way that he's, placated a safe space
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 4: for conversations around sex. There's been a lot of judgment
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 4: in ways he hasn't made me feel safe and ways
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 4: in which he's taken advantage of people in the namesake
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 4: of sex sells, no pun intended. And so for me,
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 4: I didn't want to invite anyone on here that would platform.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 3: That show at the time.
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 4: Because I didn't feel like I wanted our audience to
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 4: support a man who said I should expect to be
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 4: sexually assaulted because of this content. And that's been a
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 4: longstanding thing. And so I do apologize, but that's what
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 4: it was.
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 3: It was just not bringing.
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 4: His ecosystem over here. And we just never really had
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 4: a conversation.
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: But I'm glad.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 3: Hello. Yeah.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 2: I'm glad, too.
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 3: Hello, mature youth. Because I really thought it was some
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 3: internet shit that I just never felt like asking.
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 1: I was going to say, like, I was going to say,
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 1: it never gives internet shit.
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 3: Because that, honestly, in today's day and age, you're going
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 3: to expect it's something from an internet moment. Yeah, no.
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 1: No. But honestly, I don't beef over internet shit because
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: I assume that you was either doing something to get
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: the clicks or the likes unless you say otherwise.
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 3: Right, right, right.
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 1: Like, honestly, because I get how this shit go, people
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: got to make their coins. It's no see, no shade.
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 1: if we meet and the energy is the same that
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: I match it, but if we meet and I could
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 1: clearly tell that it ain't given that, I just assume
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: that it was like some internet shit that you were
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: doing to get a moment. And I chalk it to
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: the game because I'm going to do it eventually too.
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 3: You know, I would say in the last 10 years,
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 3: how I show up for trans women is totally different.
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 3: So I can't speak for that moment because I wasn't there, but.
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 2: I, I, I'm different now.
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 3: Like, I feel like, you know, when you're a kid
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 3: and you hear someone saying something, you just like roll
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 3: your eyes and you're like, I'm the type of person
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 3: that's barking and now leaving.
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 2: Like, it's very different.
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 3: I even see it in my relationship being with a man,
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 3: how important like conversations are about not just gays. I
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 3: feel like every nigga got a gay friend, but trans
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 3: shit and how.
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: We'll talk about it.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 3: Because there's a few trans people we've talked about inviting
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 3: to our wedding and it's like, okay, what are we
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 3: going to do when your auntie One's a trans man,
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 3: so they're not as easy to clot. But one of
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 3: our homegirls is 6'6. You know, so I think about that.
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 3: And it's like, are we on the same level? Because
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 3: I know who I am now. You know, 10 years ago,
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 3: we had a moment with B. Simone where we said
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 3: we were confused about transsexual. Okay, what is a transvestite
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 3: and a transsexual and a granny? That's what we were
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 3: talking about. And that blew up. And I remember calling
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 3: Hope and feeling really embarrassed because at the time, that
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 3: was the only person in my life whose opinion I
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 3: really cared about. And now it's a lot different. It's
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 3: more connected. Which, by the way, y'all can't find that episode. Oh, yeah,
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 3: you can. Yeah, you can. It was taken down. But also....
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 2: I did not at the time know in porn. It
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 2: was just the ignorance in the conversation.
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 1: But this is proof that the visibility of trans creators
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: who are doing the work that I do and doing
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: the work that Dominique and Monroe and like so many
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: other people are doing, it's important to be able to
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: see it because now you got a black trans woman
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: who was out here who was literally monikered as like
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 1: the people's auntie. And the people received that, right? It's
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 1: not like the people as in like the community, like
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 1: black people are like, yeah, Dominique is the auntie.
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. An educator.
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 4: And someone who leans into the academia of I'm this first,
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 4: then this.
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 3: It's not leading with... And it is, I think, our
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 3: job as women in the sex space. Although black women
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 3: to me, I don't know how at this point trans
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 3: women are the enemy to y'all. But I do think
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 3: it's not only just saying... or I have a friend
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 3: or I want their rights. Like, it's really figuring out
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 3: how do I advocate and actually show up. But you
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 3: have to actually see us as people and not competition.
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 3: There's a difference.
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 2: Just like, we about to support your podcast.
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 3: That was some interesting team we talked about on our episode.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 3: It was a while ago we recorded it, but I
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 3: remember we talked about competitiveness between women and trans. It's silly.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: But, you know, maybe we'll come back to that another day.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: What's the pod name?
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 3: So it's called I'll Wait. I'll Wait.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 1: I'll Wait with Hope Giselle coming out on the first
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: Monday of November because Mandy let me know that the
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 1: date that I put was wrong.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 3: So it's November 2nd. I live by a calendar. And
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 3: not November 1st.
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 4: So hopefully you guys can go and listen right after
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 4: this episode and go listen right over there.
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 1: And you know what? For the sake of this, I'll
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: make sure Weezy's episode is the first one.
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 3: Oh, God. More of Weezy.
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, so y'all can hear her talk shit about
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 2: me head on over. I did that. I'm not going
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 2: to do it.
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 3: My face was so gagged. I know, she was gagged,
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 3: but she did not. I was like, uh, uh, uh.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 3: Why would you ask me that? We had to pause, bitch.
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 3: It was too funny.
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 2: That is hilarious.
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 3: She almost started sweating. She was like, bitch, what? Yes,
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 3: she was there. I'm scared, bitch. I said, because they're
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 3: going to put this. Bring me back. We'll come back.
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: We'll do something else.
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 2: And well, Hope, thank you so very much.
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 3: Thank y'all.
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 4: Where can everyone follow you, support you, and check in
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 4: and tap in with you?
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 1: So at Hope Giselle everywhere except for TikTok is Hope
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 1: Giselle plus the number one. Or you can go to
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 1: HopeGiselle.com and it's spelled G-I-S-E-L-L-E. No weird I's, no Z's,
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: no nothing like that.
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 3: Just Hope Giselle. Hello. And we're going to put that
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 3: in the description of this episode. Y'all already know. Cop
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 3: the book.
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 2: No holds barred.
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 3: Head on over to the Patreon.
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 4: Patreon.com backslash Horrible Decisions. Thank y'all so much for tuning
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 4: in to yet another episode of Decisions.
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: See you next week.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 3: Bye.