Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Season 8: Episode #5 with Joy Harris AKA Coach Joy

Transcript

Season 8: Episode #5 with Joy Harris AKA Coach Joy · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

0:03
Speaker 1: Welcome to Kicking and Wikiki. Kicking it you ki Ki.
0:14
Speaker 2: Kicking it the ki ki for a little personality switching
0:18
Speaker 2: up the storyline on God. We making the story and
0:21
Speaker 2: hooks rise one day.
0:23
Speaker 1: At the time.
0:24
Speaker 3: How much problems to the side.
0:26
Speaker 4: Enjoy yourself, free.
0:27
Speaker 3: Your mind.
0:31
Speaker 1: Kicking it we ki Kee.
0:40
Speaker 2: Welcome back to another episode of Kicking and Wikiki, Life,
0:43
Speaker 2: Love and all that other ship. I am your host,
0:45
Speaker 2: Kiki Chanel. This platform is all about personal development, personal growth,
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Speaker 2: self love, and of course mindset. I am joining with
0:55
Speaker 2: one of my show regulars, Joy from joy for Connections
0:59
Speaker 2: Life and I'm going to turn it over to her
1:02
Speaker 2: and let her introduce herself and tell the people who
1:05
Speaker 2: you are and what you do. Thank you for coming
1:07
Speaker 2: to kick with me today, Joe, How you doing it?
1:09
Speaker 1: Think I'm doing great? Thank you for having me.
1:12
Speaker 3: I am coach Joy Harris of Joyful Connections Life Coaching,
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Speaker 3: where I coach beauty professionals to their own greatness to
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Speaker 3: get them to the levels of potential that they have
1:22
Speaker 3: naturally within. Also to help them deal with time management issues,
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Speaker 3: confidence issues, even personal things that they're going through in
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Speaker 3: their life. While they're standing behind the chair. You know,
1:31
Speaker 3: supplementing and helping their clients be beautiful and get to
1:35
Speaker 3: their levels. I help them get to the levels that
1:37
Speaker 3: they want to get to.
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Speaker 1: So that's when I do in.
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Speaker 2: A nutshell, absolutely well, that's amazing, and we're going to
1:42
Speaker 2: get into that in a little bit. But you know,
1:44
Speaker 2: we were sticking to the theme of the show, the
1:47
Speaker 2: tagline of the show this season, life, love, and all
1:50
Speaker 2: that other shit. So we're going to talk a little
1:52
Speaker 2: bit about all those three things before we get into
1:54
Speaker 2: all things.
1:55
Speaker 4: Joy, life coaching.
1:58
Speaker 2: Okay, I have a question though, to ask you about life.
2:01
Speaker 5: Go right ahead, okay, So, what is one lesson that
2:06
Speaker 5: life has taught you that you carry to this day.
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Speaker 3: Life has taught me that, you know, I'm a natural
2:16
Speaker 3: boring giver until it hurts, and life has taught me
2:20
Speaker 3: over the years that I can still be that kind
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Speaker 3: of person, a giving person person, but I can't give
2:24
Speaker 3: until it hurts me.
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Speaker 1: So I was given out.
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Speaker 3: I can't give out till I'm totally depleted, so I
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Speaker 3: have to I had to learn how to set up
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Speaker 3: personal boundaries for myself to go and limits that I
2:36
Speaker 3: cannot go beyond. So ever, since I've done that and
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Speaker 3: also been pouring some of the love into myself that
2:41
Speaker 3: I pour into others. My life had made a major
2:44
Speaker 3: shift that I've just been feeling better about everything and
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Speaker 3: it just helps me be more of who I am
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Speaker 3: and leave more time for me and my.
2:50
Speaker 1: Own personal growth and my own personal well being.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, I love that. And that's a good segue until
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Speaker 2: I want to talk about setting healthy boundaries, because sometimes
2:58
Speaker 2: we can set boundaries in there it detriment because they're
3:01
Speaker 2: not healthy. They're very unhealthy. So let's talk about the
3:04
Speaker 2: importance of setting healthy boundaries. Now, when you were given
3:08
Speaker 2: and be always being a giver and not getting your
3:11
Speaker 2: cup refilled, how did you set those healthy boundaries to
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Speaker 2: make your people understand that, hey, this is what it is,
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Speaker 2: and if you want to be in my life, this
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Speaker 2: is what's gonna be.
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Speaker 3: I'm more of a person that do I don't have
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Speaker 3: to do talking, but I do the actions. Actually my
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Speaker 3: actions when I kind of pull back some and I
3:31
Speaker 3: start saying no a lot more and realizing no, it's
3:33
Speaker 3: a complete sentence and it deserves no explanation unless I
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Speaker 3: love you enough to give you one or feel that
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Speaker 3: you're a title to one.
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Speaker 1: But it went with saying no, and it went with it.
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Speaker 3: I had to become okay with people walking away from
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Speaker 3: me because they helped me realize the people who are
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Speaker 3: there just for what I can do for them, or
3:50
Speaker 3: if you just there for me because you want to
3:52
Speaker 3: be there with me. And I found out which was
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Speaker 3: a hurtful thing to find out, but it was a
3:55
Speaker 3: great thing to find out that I had a lot
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Speaker 3: of people that was rocking with me because of what
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Speaker 3: I can give them do and when I start saying no,
4:02
Speaker 3: they disappeared and went to the next host.
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Speaker 2: Let us talk about that, because I've been there and
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Speaker 2: I've lost people along the way because of that. What
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Speaker 2: are some of the tell tale signs that someone is
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Speaker 2: using you versus they're actually a true friendship?
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Speaker 4: What did you notice?
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Speaker 3: What I notice is always is one directional flaw. Everything
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Speaker 3: goes one direction, but never anything come back to my direction.
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Speaker 3: I'm always the one that got to give the bend
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Speaker 3: of the ear to listen, which I didn't mind. But
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Speaker 3: when I start seeing patterns where it's always that. But
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Speaker 3: if I was a little few times that I may
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Speaker 3: need something, they're not available or they're too busy.
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Speaker 1: A ol girl, You'll be okay.
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Speaker 3: When I got that because I make sure that I
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Speaker 3: break down and help people process whatever they're coming to
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Speaker 3: me with.
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Speaker 1: But I wasn't getting that same energy in that same care.
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Speaker 3: So that's when I start being able to differentiate who's
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Speaker 3: the takers and who's the givers, and who's the nurturers
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Speaker 3: or who's really there. So and it left a little
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Speaker 3: bitty small crowd of people left for me.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I like that that you say that no.
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Speaker 2: It is a complete sentence. Sometimes people feel guilty for
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Speaker 2: saying no. We get those people, the listeners who may
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Speaker 2: want to say no but feel like it's their guilt
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Speaker 2: overtakes them when it comes to the people in their lives.
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Speaker 2: Just speak to them about importance of Sometimes no one
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Speaker 2: is necessary for sure.
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Speaker 3: You know what, when the more you say no to
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Speaker 3: other things, the more you say yes to yourself, and
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Speaker 3: sometimes don't.
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Speaker 1: We don't say enough yess to ourselves.
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Speaker 3: It's easier for us to say yes to someone else
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Speaker 3: than our own self. And as we all know it,
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Speaker 3: our time is taken away each day, each hour that
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Speaker 3: we're here. That time will never get never get back.
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Speaker 3: So and me, as I've gotten in my fifties, I
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Speaker 3: realize that even more so, you know, we have to
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Speaker 3: start making time for ourselves and we have to get
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Speaker 3: to a point where in our life we don't feel
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Speaker 3: guilty about anything. Because if you if you really are,
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Speaker 3: if you've done something that you're really sorry about and
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Speaker 3: that's and you really feel remorseful about it, you can't.
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Speaker 3: You got to learn to forgive yourself and not be
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Speaker 3: guilty of things and carring because offensors and you, and
6:02
Speaker 3: it really depletes the quality of your life when you
6:04
Speaker 3: do that. It's okay to say no. That doesn't make
6:07
Speaker 3: you a mean or bad person. That makes you a
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Speaker 3: person that's regarding yourself some which you're supposed.
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Speaker 2: To absolutely and I'm glad I hope you guys are listening,
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Speaker 2: because it's okay to say no. You don't have to
6:18
Speaker 2: try to take care of everybody when you are neglecting
6:21
Speaker 2: yourself in the process. Right, anybody or anything that is
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Speaker 2: not refilling your cup and you're always feeling theirs, they
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Speaker 2: may be time to reevaluate those relationships because anything that's
6:33
Speaker 2: one sided is not balanced, right, and you have to
6:37
Speaker 2: have complete balance when it comes to your circle. And
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Speaker 2: as men and joy I always say, our circle has
6:43
Speaker 2: become a sea. I can see you and they can
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Speaker 2: see me like it's okay to lead people where they
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Speaker 2: are not. Everybody can go with you on your journey
6:52
Speaker 2: of elevation. And if you're stuck and you're comfortable in
6:55
Speaker 2: that comfort zone, you will never elevate to your fullest
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Speaker 2: potential that as you pass for you, because there's no
7:02
Speaker 2: elevation in the comfort zone. You're afraid of challenges, You're
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Speaker 2: afraid of change. You don't like change our challenges. And
7:11
Speaker 2: if you're not challenging yourself, you are.
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Speaker 1: Staying the same right, stagnant.
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Speaker 4: It's okay to challenge yourself. Challenges are good. They keep
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Speaker 4: you on your toes.
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Speaker 2: They tell you what you need to work on or
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Speaker 2: what you may need to pull back on. It's all
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Speaker 2: right to challenge yourself. And I just wanted to speak
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Speaker 2: a little bit about life and self care. How are
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Speaker 2: the two hand in hand? They have to go hand
7:35
Speaker 2: in hand. But for you, for coach Joy, how is
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Speaker 2: life and self care aligned in your life?
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Speaker 1: Well, it has to be aligned because my quality.
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Speaker 3: If I don't do self care and practice that for myself,
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Speaker 3: my life is going to be mediocre.
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Speaker 1: I mean my life won't.
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Speaker 3: It won't be much of a life if I didn't
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Speaker 3: do that, because you got to speak and breathe life
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Speaker 3: into yourself.
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Speaker 1: You got to pour a love into yourself because.
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Speaker 3: You can't always rely on someone being around to do
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Speaker 3: that for you, and nobody can do it for you
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Speaker 3: like God, and you can do it for yourself anyways.
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Speaker 3: So it's always good to know what it is that
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Speaker 3: you need where you can pour that into yourself, even
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Speaker 3: if that means a quiet, whole quiet day for yourself,
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Speaker 3: not talking or answering the phone.
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Speaker 1: That's self love too.
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Speaker 3: Whatever it means to you, that's going to help you
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Speaker 3: feel rejuvenated and replenish. You have to do that to
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Speaker 3: make your life even flow it. It makes it aligns
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Speaker 3: everything when you start. But you have to start with
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Speaker 3: that self care and self love.
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Speaker 4: Absolutely. I agree.
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Speaker 2: Well, where do you see yourself in the next twelve months?
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Speaker 3: Next twelve months, I see this business scaling and getting
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Speaker 3: bigger and better, and I got to I want to
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Speaker 3: get more international people. I have an international person now,
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Speaker 3: I want to go international. I see myself being more
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Speaker 3: fit and healthy. I see my business. I want to
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Speaker 3: ask some merchandise like some I want to get some
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Speaker 3: cutting capes and stuff and add some affirmations on them.
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Speaker 1: I have some things I want to I'm going to
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Speaker 1: be reading.
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Speaker 3: I want to read thirty books before this year is out,
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Speaker 3: so I'm on my way to doing and whether or
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Speaker 3: even if I don't, if I'm.
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Speaker 1: Cheating, just listen to them. I'm going to do that.
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Speaker 3: But I want to have thirty books of different things
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Speaker 3: that I've gained knowledge of, and also meeting some more
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Speaker 3: really great people who are doing way more and who
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Speaker 3: are on a higher level than me, so I can
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Speaker 3: continue to be inspired to reach and climb where they're
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Speaker 3: you know, climb up with them.
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Speaker 4: Absolutely. I love that.
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Speaker 2: So we're going to move on to the next segment,
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Speaker 2: which is about love. Okay, what is your definition of
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Speaker 2: love and why love? For me?
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Speaker 3: Love, the definition of love is when you love people
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Speaker 3: and you just see them for who they are and
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Speaker 3: you're not going to judge them.
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Speaker 1: You see them.
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Speaker 3: You love them just because you can, because you want to.
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Speaker 3: It's a choice, and you love them because it's not conditional.
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Speaker 1: They got to do something for you to love.
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Speaker 3: You love them just because you want to, and that
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Speaker 3: because it makes you feel good to love. Love for
9:50
Speaker 3: me also is forgiving is very forgiving.
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Speaker 1: It is a listening ear.
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Speaker 3: It is someone who just who elevates you and helps
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Speaker 3: edify your spirit. And when you're feeling low, someone who
10:03
Speaker 3: cares enough to where it's almost selfless, where they'll put themselves.
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Speaker 3: They'll carry it, the pain and whateverything is that you're carrying,
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Speaker 3: they'll carry it with you so that when you don't
10:12
Speaker 3: have to feel like you're on your journey alone, and
10:15
Speaker 3: they add value to your life that you can't add
10:17
Speaker 3: to yourself.
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Speaker 2: Listen you all, I didn't see you these questions or whatever,
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Speaker 2: but you said something with a question that I have.
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Speaker 2: The question is is there such a thing as unconditional love?
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Speaker 2: Or do you believe love should be love should have conditions?
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Speaker 2: You talked about that a little bit, but let's let's
10:37
Speaker 2: just dive into that part. That's why I looked away
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Speaker 2: with a smile, because I'm like, Okay, God, that's alignment
10:43
Speaker 2: right there.
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Speaker 3: But you know, infect in a perfect world, it would
10:49
Speaker 3: be great if love could be unconditional, but there is
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Speaker 3: some slight conditions to it. It's only it's only only
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Speaker 3: person has unconditional love as.
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Speaker 1: God, and we can't love on that level.
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Speaker 3: But I do try to get close to that, but
11:00
Speaker 3: then there are some conditions that you know you can't
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Speaker 3: that you have to have a line even in boundary
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Speaker 3: in your love too, of how far you're going to go,
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Speaker 3: how far you're going to be your love's gonna be
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Speaker 3: misappropriated and misused, and how long you're gonna let love
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Speaker 3: allow you to be mishandled, you know.
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Speaker 1: So there is a limit to it. So it is
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Speaker 1: a sense you know it would be.
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Speaker 3: It sounds like, oh, unconditional love, but there is some underline.
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Speaker 1: There is some conditions too. I feel that it is
11:27
Speaker 1: because you're not going to love someone until it hurts,
11:29
Speaker 1: where you just you know, it don't.
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Speaker 3: Have to be perfect and peaches and cream either, but
11:33
Speaker 3: you got to know work point where it's not you're
11:35
Speaker 3: not adding value to each other.
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Speaker 1: You're not. You wake up and you can't stand this.
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Speaker 3: You don't see this person in your life, the goals
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Speaker 3: that you have plan.
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Speaker 1: You don't see this person, this person that you love.
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Speaker 3: Next to you, like I don't see you going with
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Speaker 3: me there. So there is some conditions. But unconditional love
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Speaker 3: is something I'm always striving for, but it's never going
11:54
Speaker 3: to be a perfect love like God's love. But I
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Speaker 3: do strive to to make sure that I'm open minded
12:00
Speaker 3: and I see people for who they are and let
12:02
Speaker 3: them be who they are. You know, nobody's perfect, because
12:05
Speaker 3: I'm not, and I try to embrace everyone's idiosyncrasies.
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Speaker 1: In their in their quirks and all that for that person.
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Speaker 2: And I'm glad that you say that, because there are
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Speaker 2: conditions when it comes to love. Yes, we want a
12:16
Speaker 2: conditional love. But when it comes to respect.
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Speaker 4: Or peace, that right there, that is a condition.
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Speaker 2: You can't come in and disrupt my peace. You're not
12:26
Speaker 2: gonna disrespect me. I have to feel like I'm valued
12:29
Speaker 2: and you need to put forth effort and.
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Speaker 4: I'm going to do those things in return.
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Speaker 2: But if you feel like that is should be unconditional,
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Speaker 2: there's a problem right there, right because I don't want
12:40
Speaker 2: anybody to be in a relationship with anybody that they
12:44
Speaker 2: feel disrespect right.
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Speaker 4: Ah, this toxic type of love.
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Speaker 2: That's going on right now, Like I don't want about it,
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Speaker 2: love me to death.
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Speaker 4: I don't want to better to love me to it hurt.
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Speaker 2: I don't want that because it's just it's not normal,
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Speaker 2: not healthy and healthy.
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Speaker 4: M Yes, I love that absolutely. What is the hardest
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Speaker 4: thing you've learned about love.
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Speaker 1: I learned that love is not always enough.
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Speaker 4: You know.
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Speaker 3: I was in a marriage where I love love, love
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Speaker 3: served the dinner was a June cleaver wife loved harder
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Speaker 3: and harder.
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Speaker 1: But it's hard.
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Speaker 2: You know.
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Speaker 3: Love is when you're loving a person that's still broken
13:28
Speaker 3: and they don't have the and you guys have two
13:30
Speaker 3: different ideas and what love is, and you've seen love
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Speaker 3: demonstrated two different ways like I did. I saw love
13:36
Speaker 3: in my home. I saw two people love. They demonstrated
13:39
Speaker 3: what love was. But that's not necessarily going to be
13:41
Speaker 3: the case. When you meet someone, whether it's boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, whoever,
13:45
Speaker 3: they may not have seen a certain definition what love
13:48
Speaker 3: looks like.
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Speaker 1: So they're going to bring the way they love and
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Speaker 1: you bring the way you love us.
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Speaker 3: Sometimes they don't mesh right, and that becomes a problem,
13:55
Speaker 3: you know, so but yeah, that's it becomes a problem.
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Speaker 3: So love is just is different because you have to
14:00
Speaker 3: make sure you're on the same page and you guys
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Speaker 3: identified it as close as possible as you can so
14:06
Speaker 3: that it can thrive and become an oasis for each other.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, absolutely, that's a great lesson because speak to someone
14:13
Speaker 2: who may be listening that feel like love isn't enough.
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Speaker 4: Because I feel like if you, if you.
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Speaker 2: Don't have all of the other necessities that it takes
14:23
Speaker 2: to make love work, it will not last.
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Speaker 1: Right. Love also really, and first of all, it starts
14:30
Speaker 1: with you. First. You got to love you. You gotta
14:32
Speaker 1: love you.
14:32
Speaker 3: You got to embrace all your flaws, what you consider flaws.
14:36
Speaker 3: You got to be able to just love is just
14:38
Speaker 3: something that starts with you.
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Speaker 1: First.
14:40
Speaker 3: If you don't love for you, it's hard for you
14:42
Speaker 3: to expect someone else to love you. Yep, why would
14:45
Speaker 3: they want to love you if you don't love yourself.
14:47
Speaker 3: So that sometimes you may have to go on the journey.
14:49
Speaker 3: I've been one on many journeys where I've taken myself
14:51
Speaker 3: off off the map, you know, first being in relationships,
14:55
Speaker 3: because I can see myself feeling depleted in the love
14:57
Speaker 3: department of myself. So I said, okay, I need to
15:00
Speaker 3: do some at least a year of pouring into myself
15:02
Speaker 3: with no distractions of another person and get myself filled
15:06
Speaker 3: up so that way I can be able to even give.
15:08
Speaker 1: On any love to someone else, you know, in a
15:11
Speaker 1: healthy way.
15:12
Speaker 4: Right, And let's talk.
15:13
Speaker 2: Let's talk a little bit about love does not mean
15:16
Speaker 2: that you have to be in a relationship in anybody else.
15:19
Speaker 1: Right.
15:20
Speaker 4: A lot of people equate love with having partners.
15:23
Speaker 2: That's not necessary the case because I believe that, like
15:27
Speaker 2: you just said, you cannot expect somebody else to come
15:32
Speaker 2: in and love you if you cannot give that same
15:34
Speaker 2: love to yourself, right, Right, So let's talk about the
15:38
Speaker 2: importance of being able to love yourself before you can
15:41
Speaker 2: expect to be in a loving and committed and healthy
15:45
Speaker 2: relationship with someone else.
15:47
Speaker 3: Yes, you have to because like when you love you,
15:50
Speaker 3: when you're in love with someone else, it requires lots
15:52
Speaker 3: of forgiveness, lots of giving yourself great, lots of giving
15:55
Speaker 3: grace I think, mercy on someone when they do something
15:59
Speaker 3: that doesn't please you, all that. But if you can't
16:02
Speaker 3: give yourself those things, you can't give yourself mercy when
16:05
Speaker 3: you don't when you fall short, if you can't give
16:08
Speaker 3: yourself grace when you didn't do what you thought you
16:10
Speaker 3: could have.
16:11
Speaker 1: Done, done it better, and you're not gonna be able
16:13
Speaker 1: to do it for someone else.
16:15
Speaker 3: So it's better to start with yourself because that way,
16:17
Speaker 3: when you bring that your unhealthy kind of love to
16:20
Speaker 3: someone else's life. It makes that person's life miserable. It
16:24
Speaker 3: makes them fee, It makes them feel like they got
16:26
Speaker 3: to carry you. It makes them feel like they got
16:27
Speaker 3: to always explain themselves or always got to pay for
16:30
Speaker 3: what Ray Ray or somebody else did down the line.
16:32
Speaker 1: They had nothing to do with them. So you're gonna
16:34
Speaker 1: make sure you're in the hill of place.
16:35
Speaker 3: First of all, it comes with being whole. If you
16:38
Speaker 3: look up for another person to make you whole, you're
16:40
Speaker 3: gonna be half through the rest of your life. You
16:43
Speaker 3: have to make sure that you're a whole, and you
16:45
Speaker 3: got to make sure you got the love for yourself
16:47
Speaker 3: that's on a maximum level. And then anybody that comes
16:50
Speaker 3: in your life, they're going to enhance that and amplify it.
16:53
Speaker 3: If you don't have that wholeness for yourself, you might
16:55
Speaker 3: as well just be. When that person not in your life,
16:57
Speaker 3: you're gonna feel like you're half a person. Like I
17:00
Speaker 3: never used the word that's my better half. No, I
17:02
Speaker 3: want a better haul person because I'm hall and I
17:04
Speaker 3: did the work and put it in years to be hall.
17:07
Speaker 2: Oh I love that. And then and then you don't
17:09
Speaker 2: need anybody to complete you. Oh, she can pleat me,
17:11
Speaker 2: he can please me. No, you're a complete person before
17:13
Speaker 2: you got with someone. You may just have flaws, or
17:16
Speaker 2: you may be broken or need to go on a
17:18
Speaker 2: healing journey. But don't ever think that you need somebody
17:21
Speaker 2: that bad where when you lose them, you lose yourself.
17:25
Speaker 4: Right, you want to give up on life?
17:27
Speaker 2: Love is not flow that way.
17:28
Speaker 1: No, No, Only.
17:30
Speaker 2: The only love that should make you feel bad if
17:34
Speaker 2: you don't feel it anymore, is the love of God.
17:36
Speaker 3: And that's just how exactly I believe that I agree
17:40
Speaker 3: that you have because when you rely on another person,
17:43
Speaker 3: it puts a lot of pressure on that person because.
17:46
Speaker 1: It's like they got to be your happy pill.
17:48
Speaker 3: They got to be your everything, like their world like
17:50
Speaker 3: if they can't see you today, the whole world, they're
17:52
Speaker 3: just like doom and gloom. And I know somebody's going
17:55
Speaker 3: through that right now. And I'm like, you got to
17:56
Speaker 3: get to find your own value. You got to enjoy
17:59
Speaker 3: you gotta learn to enjoy your own company. I'm buying
18:01
Speaker 3: myself a lot, and I like it because that way
18:03
Speaker 3: I can know. I know it's gonna be peaceful. I
18:05
Speaker 3: know that nobody's gonna be getting on my nerves. I
18:07
Speaker 3: don't have to share the TV remote with anybody right now,
18:10
Speaker 3: and I enjoy it.
18:11
Speaker 4: You know you are a vibe, so you should be
18:15
Speaker 4: happy to be.
18:16
Speaker 1: Enjoy I really enjoy my own company.
18:19
Speaker 3: I love because I know I'm a peaceful person and
18:21
Speaker 3: I know I do that out and I don't have
18:24
Speaker 3: to have someone in my life, especially if they're not gonna.
18:26
Speaker 1: Be kind to me or treat me.
18:28
Speaker 3: I don't want someone to treat me less than I
18:30
Speaker 3: treat myself, and I treat myself very well.
18:32
Speaker 1: So if you can't get on the bandwagon with that,
18:34
Speaker 1: I will stay single. And I'm fine with that.
18:36
Speaker 3: I don't feel inadequate or I don't feel like something's
18:38
Speaker 3: wrong with me because I'm single by choice.
18:42
Speaker 2: And that's a big debate on social media where they
18:44
Speaker 2: have these guys say that most women in their forties,
18:48
Speaker 2: fifties or whatever are okay with being single.
18:51
Speaker 4: Why do you believe that is?
18:52
Speaker 2: Why do you believe that most women would rather be
18:54
Speaker 2: single than deal with the BS that sometimes comes with relationships.
19:00
Speaker 1: Well, I'll talk about me personally. In my experience, I'm used.
19:03
Speaker 3: I'm a real, real person, Like when you meet me
19:05
Speaker 3: the first time you met me at the first time.
19:07
Speaker 1: It's not gonna be six months or three months down
19:09
Speaker 1: the line then y'all see this other version of joy.
19:11
Speaker 3: I'm myself out the game so but not most people
19:14
Speaker 3: are not like that because I want you to either
19:16
Speaker 3: dig me or you don't. So I'm gonna let you
19:18
Speaker 3: see who I am front front. I'm very vocal. I'm
19:21
Speaker 3: a great communicator. I don't play games if I'm with you.
19:24
Speaker 3: If I'm loyal, I'm loyal to you even if you're
19:26
Speaker 3: not in my sight. But I can't seem to find
19:28
Speaker 3: that too, you know, And I don't look for it.
19:32
Speaker 3: But I'm open to it, you know, and available for it.
19:35
Speaker 3: But whenever I do put myself out there in chry,
19:37
Speaker 3: it's always some silliness or somebody else has another person
19:40
Speaker 3: they want to add me to that. And some people
19:43
Speaker 3: are in those relationships that's fine.
19:44
Speaker 1: Not me. I'm more of a monogamous. I want to
19:46
Speaker 1: be a one on one thing so we.
19:48
Speaker 3: Can build and see what we can accomplish together, where
19:50
Speaker 3: we can grow, pull our coins together. I'm not out
19:53
Speaker 3: here someone that will have to buy me a Tiffany bracelet,
19:56
Speaker 3: Louis Baton bags, whatever. I just want you to give
19:58
Speaker 3: me the best parts of you, whatever that is.
20:02
Speaker 1: Just bring you, yeah, bring you, Yeah, Just bring you
20:05
Speaker 1: and just be a person that you know, be yourself.
20:08
Speaker 3: If you don't want to talk today and let me know,
20:09
Speaker 3: like I'm in a cranky mood, just be very honest,
20:12
Speaker 3: because I'm blatantly honest to a fought and I can
20:15
Speaker 3: handle it.
20:15
Speaker 1: I can handle the truth so much better than someone pretending.
20:19
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, I totally agree. I totally agree. And for
20:24
Speaker 2: the people that's talking about that, you don't have to
20:27
Speaker 2: be in a relationship all the time. Some people are
20:30
Speaker 2: on their healing journey. Some people have had bad experiences
20:35
Speaker 2: and they just want to get to know themselves before
20:38
Speaker 2: getting to know someone else. Stop really killing people for
20:43
Speaker 2: being by themselves. It just because they're by themselves does
20:47
Speaker 2: not believe, but does not mean that they are alone
20:51
Speaker 2: or lonely. Right, right, a relationship and be lonely, Oh.
20:56
Speaker 1: Don't even go here to that one. I live that
20:59
Speaker 1: life eleven years. I was.
21:01
Speaker 3: I always call myself a married single person. It was
21:05
Speaker 3: like I did. I did the majority. And he was
21:07
Speaker 3: a hard worker, you know, on his job, but when
21:09
Speaker 3: his free time, it wasn't he didn't see the traditional family,
21:13
Speaker 3: you know, like so he just he saw his dad
21:16
Speaker 3: being a rolling stone so and just out and gone
21:19
Speaker 3: with the friends. Those were his priority. So his friends
21:21
Speaker 3: and his activities were his priority. And I was at
21:24
Speaker 3: home being mom, business owner of a salon and had
21:28
Speaker 3: a catering business, you know, And he just didn't know
21:30
Speaker 3: how to pull together. He's not a bad person, he
21:33
Speaker 3: just we just could never grow together to the height
21:35
Speaker 3: because I wanted to have generational wealth, you know, from
21:38
Speaker 3: our we only got a son together. But if somebody's
21:41
Speaker 3: not on the same page and you're not, you're not
21:43
Speaker 3: don't have the same mindset as you like he we portrayed,
21:47
Speaker 3: and we had a plan set before we got married.
21:50
Speaker 3: As soon as we got married, the plan totally diverted
21:52
Speaker 3: to something different. So I felt tricked, but I stayed
21:56
Speaker 3: because I wanted to work through things and see if
21:59
Speaker 3: maybe we can just work. Don't want to I'm not
22:00
Speaker 3: a person that gives up fast, but sometimes you realize
22:03
Speaker 3: that you know, this is a this is a dead horse,
22:05
Speaker 3: and I'm beating it's not going to work, and you
22:08
Speaker 3: just have to separate in going your own way, which
22:09
Speaker 3: was a hard.
22:10
Speaker 1: Decision because I didn't want to be a divorced person.
22:13
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, sometimes hard decisions are necessary in order for
22:17
Speaker 2: you to grow and all for God to elevate you.
22:20
Speaker 2: I saw something on social media the other day, are
22:23
Speaker 2: you loving a livitation? Is the person that you're loving
22:26
Speaker 2: limiting to you from from reaching your fullest potential? And
22:29
Speaker 2: that was like, wow, you would do that all the time.
22:33
Speaker 2: It's disheartening because people are so hard on themselves and
22:39
Speaker 2: they don't believe that they deserve the love that they
22:42
Speaker 2: are supposed to have.
22:43
Speaker 1: Right, people believe.
22:45
Speaker 2: That they believe that they love they they believe that
22:48
Speaker 2: they deserve the love that they've seen. Like you said,
22:51
Speaker 2: you come from a loving home. You saw your family
22:54
Speaker 2: structure was different than someone else's may have been. But
22:58
Speaker 2: I think at some point we have to grow up
23:00
Speaker 2: and realize we are not what we've seen. We have
23:03
Speaker 2: to become what we are able to become, and that
23:07
Speaker 2: that requires work.
23:09
Speaker 1: Right.
23:10
Speaker 2: You know, I grew up in a family home where
23:13
Speaker 2: you know, it was a lot of fussing. I don't
23:15
Speaker 2: like the fuss and argue and I'm not doing that
23:18
Speaker 2: because I've lived that and it was horrible.
23:21
Speaker 4: Imagine trying to sleep.
23:22
Speaker 2: And have peace and you can't. Right, So I'll tell
23:26
Speaker 2: anybody stop stop staying stuck in that. Just because you
23:29
Speaker 2: grew up a certain way. You are able to change
23:33
Speaker 2: that now if you want to. It takes effort.
23:36
Speaker 4: You gotta want to.
23:37
Speaker 1: Change, and on different mindset. You got to see it differently.
23:41
Speaker 3: Create the family that you will want that you didn't have,
23:44
Speaker 3: that you don't feel you had. You know, not that
23:46
Speaker 3: our families was all bad and had everything whatever, But
23:49
Speaker 3: it's like you can. You have the ability now that
23:51
Speaker 3: you're grown. You can make your family dynamics what you
23:53
Speaker 3: wanted to be.
23:54
Speaker 1: And that's a great part. It's all a.
23:56
Speaker 4: Choice, absolutely, it is all a choice. I love it.
24:00
Speaker 4: So we got on the time that other shit.
24:03
Speaker 2: This is my favorite segment because that comes with life,
24:06
Speaker 2: love and everything in between. Yes, is life worth it
24:12
Speaker 2: with all that other shit? In your opinion?
24:15
Speaker 1: Life is? You know what? I like all the other
24:16
Speaker 1: ship that comes with everything. I like it all. I
24:19
Speaker 1: like a little hotshponge this and some of that. It
24:21
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. I just like I like the things.
24:24
Speaker 3: Everything doesn't have to flow perfectly, because otherwise it was
24:27
Speaker 3: too easy, you know, everything was just all perfect in order.
24:30
Speaker 3: Then that gets kind of boring too, but I don't
24:32
Speaker 3: want it just depends on what the other sahi t is,
24:35
Speaker 3: you know.
24:36
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yep, and on exactly. And I'm glad that
24:40
Speaker 4: you said that, because.
24:42
Speaker 2: Everybody all this season that I asked that question to
24:45
Speaker 2: said the same thing, except for one lady. She was like, no,
24:48
Speaker 2: it's not because of this, this and this and that,
24:51
Speaker 2: and y'all have to go back and listen to her episode.
24:53
Speaker 2: But majority of other people say, it depends on what
24:56
Speaker 2: it is. And when I say all the other shit
24:59
Speaker 2: I'm talking about like curve balls and challenges and things
25:04
Speaker 2: like that, because if life was just perfect every day,
25:11
Speaker 2: what's the point.
25:12
Speaker 4: Yes, we would be just stuck.
25:14
Speaker 2: We wouldn't know that we are strong, we didn't we
25:18
Speaker 2: wouldn't know that we know how to pivot.
25:19
Speaker 4: We wouldn't know that.
25:20
Speaker 2: We know how to prade ourselves through certain situations. If
25:24
Speaker 2: everything was perfect, I don't think that I would even
25:28
Speaker 2: be here because I would probably be Ben took myself
25:30
Speaker 2: out because I was just be bored out of my mind.
25:32
Speaker 3: Right, I ain't a challenge like different, you know, change
25:37
Speaker 3: basically when you do have like those curve BOMs, as
25:39
Speaker 3: you just said, it just shows you more and who
25:41
Speaker 3: you are when you navigate through them. It's gonna either
25:44
Speaker 3: you're gonna sink or swim. Either you're gonna make a decision.
25:47
Speaker 3: Are you gonna just lay down in this hole and
25:49
Speaker 3: lay down here, or you're gonna get up and fight?
25:51
Speaker 3: And that just makes me fight the more because I'm
25:53
Speaker 3: kind of a fighter. I don't like like when life
25:55
Speaker 3: isn't like I needed to be or wanted to be.
25:57
Speaker 3: That makes me work that much harder and not get complacent.
26:00
Speaker 3: And it makes me do the work and find different ways.
26:03
Speaker 3: And you know, I'm a problem solver, so I'm like,
26:05
Speaker 3: what can I do? How can I solve this problem?
26:08
Speaker 1: You know?
26:08
Speaker 3: And it just makes me pray more to It gets
26:10
Speaker 3: my spiritual life even more closer with God because I
26:13
Speaker 3: know I have to rely heavily on Him to get.
26:15
Speaker 1: Me through certain things, which I've done all my life basically.
26:19
Speaker 2: And so you just saved up my next question. Do
26:21
Speaker 2: you believe that if we didn't have all that other ship,
26:23
Speaker 2: would it would we even would our faith even be
26:27
Speaker 2: as strong or where it is to this to this day.
26:30
Speaker 3: It probably wouldn't because we wouldn't feel like we need
26:32
Speaker 3: God you know, everything's working out.
26:35
Speaker 1: What do we need God for? You know, I don't
26:37
Speaker 1: think people.
26:38
Speaker 3: I don't think everyone and a lot of people would
26:40
Speaker 3: just they would be even I think we would be
26:42
Speaker 3: more the ne flexful of our relationship with God and
26:44
Speaker 3: our faith because everything well, everything's going good, and as
26:47
Speaker 3: soon as it goes bad, that's when we get back.
26:49
Speaker 3: It's like a relationship that you're not really putting a
26:51
Speaker 3: bunch of you know, emphasis on and effort into. So
26:57
Speaker 3: I think I believe that's why God does trouble our water,
27:00
Speaker 3: like that's one of the reasons, because if we get
27:02
Speaker 3: too big for our bridges, we just forget all about him,
27:05
Speaker 3: you know. And let me tell you, I've been there too,
27:10
Speaker 3: And when I forgot all about him and put him
27:12
Speaker 3: to the side because the money was flowing, my beauty
27:14
Speaker 3: s line was flourishing, and all of a sudden, it's
27:17
Speaker 3: like he said, oh okay, you're getting brand new huh,
27:19
Speaker 3: And my whole world collapsed and my will ran dry
27:22
Speaker 3: everything and they got it.
27:25
Speaker 2: Is a word to say God is a jealous God.
27:27
Speaker 2: Don't put enough before me. So when you start putting
27:30
Speaker 2: those things above God, he will bring you back to reality.
27:34
Speaker 2: You may not like the way that he does does it,
27:37
Speaker 2: but it will happen.
27:39
Speaker 1: It's happened several times.
27:40
Speaker 3: And now I'm like, I hear you, Lord, if you're
27:43
Speaker 3: right here with me, okay, because I don't. I make
27:44
Speaker 3: sure I don't. I don't even make a decision without him.
27:47
Speaker 3: Now I'm like, is this what we need to do?
27:49
Speaker 1: Okay?
27:50
Speaker 2: And I think about God though, Joy, and I loved it,
27:53
Speaker 2: loved it, be more for this, even when we're going
27:56
Speaker 2: through all that other shit, he is still right there.
27:58
Speaker 4: We may not acknowledge it, he is still right there.
28:01
Speaker 1: He don't leave us atone. It's like he had his
28:03
Speaker 1: arms crossed.
28:04
Speaker 2: Okay, yes, yes, I love it.
28:12
Speaker 4: So this has been amazing, Joy.
28:14
Speaker 2: So we're going to talk about Joeful.
28:17
Speaker 4: You know, I love the pivot that you made. I
28:20
Speaker 4: love the pivot that you made.
28:21
Speaker 2: So let's talk about you know, if anybody is listening
28:24
Speaker 2: and then the profession and they want to work with you,
28:26
Speaker 2: how can they can you know, get in touch with
28:28
Speaker 2: you to work with you or get like a consultation.
28:31
Speaker 2: I don't know if you do clarity calls and stuff
28:33
Speaker 2: like that. So tell the listeners how they can work
28:35
Speaker 2: with Joeful connections.
28:37
Speaker 3: Yes, if you would like to work with Joyful Connections,
28:39
Speaker 3: even if you're an entrepreneur woman that's building a career.
28:42
Speaker 3: I specialize in beauty professionals because I was one, but
28:45
Speaker 3: I also have career women who are entrepreneurs or independent
28:48
Speaker 3: contractors also, And I offer a half an hour discovery call.
28:54
Speaker 3: It's complimentary to you and you can just call and
28:57
Speaker 3: and just see if you like, if you feel like
28:58
Speaker 3: you want to take a coaching in its area, in
29:01
Speaker 3: your business or in yourself that you like to reach
29:03
Speaker 3: higher levels in as far as building confidence, self esteem,
29:06
Speaker 3: all those things. Even if you just feel like even
29:10
Speaker 3: if you self sabotage some even that we can help you.
29:13
Speaker 3: I can help you through that. And also I have
29:16
Speaker 3: these chats with coach joy because some days some people
29:19
Speaker 3: don't need a coaching journey, they just need a mood
29:21
Speaker 3: boosting things so they don't hurt nobody today when they
29:23
Speaker 3: go to work.
29:25
Speaker 1: I offer those chats.
29:26
Speaker 3: I offer a fifteen minute one for fifteen dollars and
29:29
Speaker 3: a thirty minute for thirty dollars. And usually sometimes you know,
29:32
Speaker 3: we just sometimes you wake up on the wrong side
29:33
Speaker 3: of the bed and just be in a bad mood
29:36
Speaker 3: and people who utilize those calls, they do though they
29:38
Speaker 3: book it on my thing and to come to my
29:40
Speaker 3: calendar and then we can discuss things and I'll do
29:43
Speaker 3: everything I can and get your mood boosted, kind of
29:46
Speaker 3: get you ready and get you going, just to get
29:48
Speaker 3: you to work and just shift your mood to a
29:51
Speaker 3: positive mood to really salvage your day more. But also
29:54
Speaker 3: I can be reached on Instagram. My link is in
29:57
Speaker 3: my bio. I'm revising my website. See the changes that's
30:01
Speaker 3: on there. I still have more changes to make. And
30:04
Speaker 3: also my website is www. Dot joyful Connections dot com.
30:12
Speaker 3: And I have coaching journeys. I do like a three
30:14
Speaker 3: month Some people just want a three month package, some
30:17
Speaker 3: people want a six or twelve. It's up to you,
30:19
Speaker 3: and I offer payment plans to make it easy because
30:21
Speaker 3: I really just want you to come. I don't want
30:24
Speaker 3: to be something where you feel like you can't afford
30:26
Speaker 3: because I'm going to work with you, and I have
30:28
Speaker 3: different methods of payments that you can utilize, and it's
30:31
Speaker 3: all virtual.
30:32
Speaker 1: It don't matter if you're in Paris, if you're in England.
30:34
Speaker 3: If you're everywhere you are as long as you have
30:36
Speaker 3: a video camera on the phone, I can talk to you.
30:39
Speaker 3: And if you don't like being on camera, we can
30:41
Speaker 3: just make it a phone call. It's your choice if
30:43
Speaker 3: you want to be a video call or a phone call.
30:45
Speaker 2: I love that all of this information would be listed
30:49
Speaker 2: in the note, so you guys don't have an excuse
30:51
Speaker 2: if you want to work with Coach Joy. But yeah,
30:55
Speaker 2: let's listen. You tell us where you hang out at
31:00
Speaker 2: on Instagram? Are you on any other social media platforms
31:03
Speaker 2: where they can connect with you?
31:05
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm on Facebook too, and it's under you'll see
31:08
Speaker 3: my first name is Alisha Ali Cia Harris and enjoys
31:13
Speaker 3: and parentheses, but it's all me. And I'm also on TikTok.
31:16
Speaker 3: I'm building a following over there. I'm not as active
31:19
Speaker 3: over there as I am on Instagram and the other
31:22
Speaker 3: modes of you know, social media, but I'm over there
31:25
Speaker 3: and I'm going to be working on getting my YouTube
31:28
Speaker 3: stuff together.
31:29
Speaker 1: I want to. I have a YouTube page, but I.
31:31
Speaker 3: Want to start putting some short clips over there and
31:34
Speaker 3: things like that.
31:35
Speaker 1: So I'm regrouping. Just I'm just.
31:37
Speaker 3: Enjoying when I'm doing the people I'm meeting. I mean
31:39
Speaker 3: it's some wonderful people. And also I help barbers. They
31:42
Speaker 3: don't have to be a lady. Stylis are gonna be barbers.
31:46
Speaker 3: Any beauty professional doesn't matter what you are because you
31:49
Speaker 3: know and everything is confidential, Everything is a safe, quiet space.
31:53
Speaker 3: Everything is takes bravery to show up for yourself like
31:56
Speaker 3: that and put yourself out on display. But you'll be
31:58
Speaker 3: doing that with the right person. Because I'm I'm always
32:00
Speaker 3: I'm a trust to confident as a stylist for over
32:02
Speaker 3: thirty years, I got to go to my grave with somethings.
32:05
Speaker 1: So I just let that kind of in my coach
32:08
Speaker 1: and beyond.
32:08
Speaker 3: My styling chair, I carry that same precedence for my clients.
32:13
Speaker 2: I love it. I love it.
32:14
Speaker 4: And so what's next? What's next for joy for Connections.
32:18
Speaker 3: Joyful Connections, Like I said, Joyful Connections is going to
32:21
Speaker 3: be doing some merchandise. I want to do some things.
32:24
Speaker 3: Also I've been working on I was going to launch
32:26
Speaker 3: my oils because I love the Blend oils. I'm always
32:28
Speaker 3: I smell super good all the time in real life,
32:31
Speaker 3: and I decided I was going to create my own
32:34
Speaker 3: you know, I always mix and mix of my own
32:36
Speaker 3: personal blends, so.
32:37
Speaker 1: I have them.
32:38
Speaker 3: I have a lot of them already bottled up, but
32:40
Speaker 3: then it got put on postponed because we moved and everything.
32:44
Speaker 1: But I'm looking to launch those. I want to launch
32:46
Speaker 1: them at.
32:46
Speaker 3: Least by Easter and definitely Mother's Day because I want
32:49
Speaker 3: to get all the bags and I want to get
32:51
Speaker 3: some little little other things to put inside the gift
32:54
Speaker 3: packages when I send them out.
32:56
Speaker 1: I have some little information.
32:57
Speaker 3: Books like notebook things that I have at because I
33:00
Speaker 3: want to do some the oils and then also add.
33:02
Speaker 1: Little gifts in there further people.
33:05
Speaker 3: And if you don't want to smell good and stop
33:07
Speaker 3: traffic and have your husband or whoever chase you around,
33:10
Speaker 3: don't buy these oils, because that's what's going to happen.
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Speaker 4: I need.
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Speaker 1: They're so wonderful.
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Speaker 4: Yes, well, I love it.
33:18
Speaker 2: Joy. It is always a pleasure having you come kick
33:21
Speaker 2: it with me. Is there any last words of encouragement
33:26
Speaker 2: or empowerment that you would like to leave with listeners
33:28
Speaker 2: today before we get on out of here.
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Speaker 1: Yep.
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Speaker 3: I want everyone to just be whatever it is to
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Speaker 3: be your authentic self.
33:35
Speaker 2: Just be that.
33:36
Speaker 3: You don't have to portray and pretend to be something
33:38
Speaker 3: that you're not. Just show up as you and that
33:41
Speaker 3: always gets the job done. Just being your own self,
33:43
Speaker 3: whatever that is, and you don't have to have everything
33:46
Speaker 3: off figured out. I used to think when I wanted
33:48
Speaker 3: to start my business that why I had to have
33:50
Speaker 3: everything perfect because I had this perfectionist thing. And you
33:53
Speaker 3: don't have to do it perfect. You just need to
33:55
Speaker 3: do it period. Just do it, and then everything else
33:57
Speaker 3: just kind of rolls into place. Place yourself in great
34:00
Speaker 3: communities with people, even like Keykey She's I've learned a
34:03
Speaker 3: lot from Kiki and her content creation classes and everything.
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Speaker 1: I to pay people to do that.
34:08
Speaker 3: Now create my own things and you know, just growing
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Speaker 3: like that, being around the right people who are gonna
34:13
Speaker 3: nurture you, who's going to shepherd over you and help
34:16
Speaker 3: you get to the levels you want. But just show
34:18
Speaker 3: up as you. Stop worrying about what other people say
34:21
Speaker 3: about you. Who because everybody's not gonna like you, You're
34:24
Speaker 3: not gonna appeal to everyone.
34:25
Speaker 1: Everyone is not your audience and they're not supposed to be.
34:29
Speaker 3: But when you show up at yourself, you're you're going
34:31
Speaker 3: to attract the perfect audience for yourself. And I just
34:33
Speaker 3: want you to do that and just keep blowing and
34:35
Speaker 3: growing and just keep being broke, both brave and bea
34:38
Speaker 3: faul at the same time.
34:40
Speaker 4: I love it.
34:41
Speaker 2: But that being said, you guys have been listening to
34:43
Speaker 2: another episode of Keeping It with Kiki, Life, love and
34:46
Speaker 2: all that other shit. I have been joined today with
34:49
Speaker 2: Ms Joey Harris with a joyful connections life coaching. I
34:54
Speaker 2: am back with another episode on Thursdays at noon.
34:57
Speaker 4: You can catch us.
34:58
Speaker 2: On all streaming power all podcast streaming platforms, so make
35:03
Speaker 2: sure that you tune in subscribe to the show.
35:06
Speaker 4: Leave us some information.
35:08
Speaker 2: On what we can do better on the show, and
35:10
Speaker 2: we would love to hear your feedback. You can always
35:12
Speaker 2: send any comments or concerns to email Kicking in Wikiki
35:17
Speaker 2: Media at gmail dot com. See you guys until next time,
35:22
Speaker 2: lad up, purple hugs
35:24
Speaker 1: Or love you, Thank you all Cheekended with Kiki