Latest / Finding New Waters / Recovery, Legacy, and 55 Years of Fellowship Hall with Kelly Scaggs

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Recovery, Legacy, and 55 Years of Fellowship Hall with Kelly Scaggs · Finding New Waters

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And I heard a fellow NATAP board member say this is that our
0:03
industry exists because of the suffering of other people.
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And if we keep that in mind, that we we're here to hopefully
0:11
provide relief and help and tools for them.
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But really, it exists because they're still suffering
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Alcoholics and addicts out in the world that need help.
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Welcome back everybody to another episode of Finding New
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Waters. My name is Bea Reeves.
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I'm the Director of Business Development here at New Waters
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Recovery in Raleigh, Sitting here with our CEO, Justin
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McClendon and our very special guest today, Kelly Skaggs, who
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is the CEO of Fellowship Hall. Welcome, Kelly.
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Thank you, it's my privilege to be with you all.
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Glad to have. You.
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Yeah, we're so glad to have you. And I just want to get this out
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of the way. I went to Fellowship Hall on
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June 27th, 2018 and have been clean and sober ever since.
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And I've never been to treatment before that.
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I didn't know anything about anything.
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And I hope when I die a sober and clean person, that will be
1:04
the only treatment episode I've ever, ever encountered.
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And I love the place and I, yeah, I can't say enough good
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stuff about it. So I just wanted to get that out
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of the way right off, right out of the gate.
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Thank you. It's always nice to hear someone
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who's had a really successful experience and continued on
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their journey of recovery, and I hope that just continues one day
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at a time for you. Exactly what and I wanted to say
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another thing about it too, is, you know, my my mom drove me
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there. I was 41 years old.
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So it's, you know, almost eight years ago and I, it was not my
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idea. I definitely wasn't one of those
1:41
people who have made that really hard phone call, which I'm
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always commending people. You know, I know this is hard.
1:45
I didn't have the courage to do it myself.
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You know, I got there and I was in, I was in rough shape, as we
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all are when we get to treatment.
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And the thing that struck me, the first thing was my full name
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is Ralph Bernard Reeves, the 4th.
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Every sales call I ever get, every, you know, piece of mail,
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everyone just calls me Ralph. You know, they just assumed
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that's my name. And I've been called B since
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before I was born. And I got to Phyllis Shapaulo,
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my name tag said B on it. And it made me feel so at home
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right away. That's awesome.
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And and then I I walked through everybody I met when I got there
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was so nice. And then then I got to my room
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and looked and saw my roommates tighty whitey's folded up and
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got on my knees and wept and started crying and said, God,
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what have you done to me? But you know, but you know, I
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moped around there for a while saying I was going to leave
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tomorrow. And then I eventually was like,
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all right, I'm not going to leave.
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How can I make it go by fast and only with the only thing I need
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to do was to participate. And you know, and I did that and
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it I had a great, I had a spiritual experience in there
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and had a great experience. And I left on fire for recovery
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and have stayed, you know, in the middle of it ever since.
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So, and there's no way that would have happened without
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fellowship. And I again, I said I was going
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to get this out of the way and I keep talking about it, but I
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wanted to say that too. I appreciate you sharing your
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experience here. And you know, I think it's a
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pretty special place obviously. And you know, we get feedback
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from folks quite often about having similar experiences
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because I don't think a lot of people wake up and say today I
3:23
want, I'm going to go to treatment.
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You know, I there's different levels, as we all know, a whole
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continuum of willingness, but I think a lot of people have that
3:30
experience. And I really appreciate you
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being so honest about your desire to leave 'cause I think
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that so many people experience that, even if they're really
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willing to go to treatment, I'm sure you have that moment where
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you think, what have I done? I'm not saying you.
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You know, 'cause like you said, you were 41 years old, you
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hadn't lived with another roommate unless it was a spouse,
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probably for at least 20 years. And, you know, here you are in a
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facility for treatment. You're sharing a room with
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somebody. People are telling you when
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meals are served, you know it's not most people's ideal getaway.
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No, and, and if I could elaborate a little bit more on
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it too, is, you know, you said what, what have I done?
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You know, I mean, I like I said, I was like, God, what have you
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done to me? You know, and that's where my
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head was at that moment. But, but you know, and you're
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right, like the roommate thing and you know, and, and so I
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actually, I got on my knees and I did, I wept and did say those
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exact words and then I moped around like I said.
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And then, but it, but it wasn't just, I decided to participate
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and I'm, you know, reluctant to say this cause Justin and I've
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done a lot of these podcasts together.
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He's heard me say this so often that I don't want to bore him to
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sleep here. You're fine.
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Let it go, man. But I did.
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This is what the real thinking pattern was.
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Once I decided I'm not going to leave.
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I thought about being a kid in church and when a hymn was being
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sung, if I didn't pick up the hymnal and sing along, it took
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forever to sit down again. But if I picked up the book and
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sang along and participated, it went by fast and I could sit
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down again and twiddle my thumbs or whatever.
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And I just thought about that at that moment.
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And I was like, you know, what if I just participate and sing
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along here, it'll go by fast. Maybe I'll even learn something.
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And you know, it did go by fast. And the first thing I learned
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was, and they said this to me every day, your best way of
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thinking got you half a room at Fellowship Hall.
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Your pure way of doing things got you half a half a room at
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fellowship Hall. And I mean, that's, that's what
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I needed to hear, you know, and I, you know, and then I, like I
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said, I mean, I had a spiritual experience getting out of the
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shower one day and I felt a voice, you know, we're joking
5:38
about the voice thing a minute ago, but like, I didn't hear an
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audible, you know, voice, but I just felt a voice tell me I was
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going to be successful. And I didn't take that as, Hey,
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you're going to be rich and famous.
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It just made, I just felt like I was going to be OK for the first
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time since I was probably like 12 years old, you know, and I
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just, and I just kept it going, you know, and I, when I left
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there, I was definitely, I was ready to go, but I wasn't, you
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know, ready to go drink or use again.
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I was ready to go be, live a life in recovery.
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And, you know, and it takes, as we know, lots of work to do
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that. But I got, I learned, but the
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foundation I got there was I, I, there's no way I would have
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been, I'd be where I am today without it.
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So all right, enough about that. You know, you told me some of
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your story before and I get chills every time I hear it and
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I hear or similar stories from from other guests here at
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fellowship hall. And you guys probably have the
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same experience when you talk to your alumni.
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It's it's such a gift, the work we get to do because we do get
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that front row seat for the miracle of recovery.
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And you know, I get the pleasure of interacting with alumni who
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have stories of their success and their experience and
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treatment. And it's I mean to me, greatest
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job on earth. Who else that wonderful, you
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know, validation for what you do every day.
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So thank you. Yeah.
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Thank you, Fellowship. Hall has helped a lot of people.
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How long has Fellowship Hall been around?
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So this is our 55th year. Wow, it's.
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Founded in 1971 and we have, we're the first licensed
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residential treatment facility in the state.
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So our license number is literally one.
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We had such a kick out of telling people that.
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That's awesome. Yeah, so.
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We have an extensive alumni network, which is one of the
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things that I think helps make the organization so successful
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because you know, people can, especially in North Carolina,
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but in the Southeast and across the country, you know, if
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they're walking into a meeting or doesn't even have to be a 12
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step meeting, they can walk in most most often to places where
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recovery is and find an alumni of fellowship Hall and it have
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an instant connection with them, which I think is is so neat.
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You know that the reach has been so broad.
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How did Fellowship Hall start? I mean, I've read about it and
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heard it, but like what? I mean what what what's the
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deal? How did it even start?
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So it actually was founded by 4 businessmen here in Greensboro,
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NC, who were members of Alcoholics Anonymous, and they
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were assisting a young man who really needed help with his
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alcoholism. And at that time, it was about
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1968, there weren't a lot of treatment facilities in the
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country and certainly not North Carolina.
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And, you know, no advantage of the Internet to do searching.
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And so they unfortunately, they weren't able to find the type of
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treatment that this young man needed.
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And he passed away from the disease of alcoholism.
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And they said they never wanted to see that happen again.
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And they started the process of creating what they intended to
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be a home for alcoholic men. But obviously, it's evolved and
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grown over the last 55 years. But they found some farmland
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just outside of the city limits at the time they purchased it.
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And we have remained in the same location for all 55 years.
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And we have about 120 acres and it it's beautiful.
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But we have the advantage of all of our programs being able to be
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on one campus. So we can do detox, residential
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treatment, partial hospitalization, IOP,
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traditional outpatient therapy. And it's all right here in, in
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one spot, which is nice for, for guests, you know, that
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continuity and not having to go somewhere different.
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So we're really lucky in that sense.
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Yeah, and it is. It's a beautiful campus.
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I know you've been there, obviously, and sometimes for
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work I think as well. I've been a couple of times and
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it is, it's it's absolutely gorgeous.
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It really is. You know, I, and I've even
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before I worked in the field, I've, I've been, I, I would go
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back and do that panel because I had a little window where I was
9:54
able to do it and before COVID and then started working in the
9:57
field. So I don't know if that
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disqualifies me from doing that now, but I'll tell you as much
10:03
as I OK, good. I'll come back.
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I will. I As much as I love Fellowship
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Hall, it was a really good feeling to get there on a Sunday
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morning, park my car, go in and sit there for an hour, hang out
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for a few minutes and then then leave.
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Not have to spend the night, I don't.
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Have to spend the month. But you know, one thing I wanted
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to make sure I mentioned too, and I didn't.
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I thought about this this morning.
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I read a book called One Step More about the founding of
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Father Martin's Ashley Treatment Center, which is now just called
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Ashley Addiction Treatment. I think it's the official name.
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Great place. And May, Abraham and Father
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Martin were looking for a place to do it.
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And May's family, if I'm remembering this correctly, had
10:45
some land in like West Jefferson, NC and that was the
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original spot they were going to do.
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But either way, they, they didn't know what they were
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doing, kind of like Fellowship Hall didn't know what they were
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doing when what you, you all didn't know what you were doing
10:57
when you first opened. No one does, especially in the
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70s. And so by the, you know,
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Fellowship Hall been officially opened, I guess about 10 or 11
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years and being known as, you know, one of the most respected
11:08
12 step treatment centers in the country, they contacted
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Fellowship Hall like, hey, what, like what do we do?
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And they said, here's our playbook and they just gave it
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away. And, you know, just reminds me
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of, you know, we can only keep what we have by giving it away.
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And just the whole ethos from the from the beginning is was
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there and still and still is about, you know, what are we
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doing? We're not, we're going to try to
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hold on to these trade secrets. So we can, you know, we're going
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to stop people from getting better.
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I just wanted to make sure I mentioned that that was a like.
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When I read that in that book, I was blown away.
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I'm so glad you shared that. Yeah.
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And what's even more cool about that is that we still maintain a
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relationship with Ashley treatment facility.
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You know, they're Co CE OS Greg and Alex are amazing and Justin
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knows this. You do as as well be, you know,
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in our industry, it's a pretty collaborative industry.
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I think, you know, folks regularly communicate, share
12:10
trade secrets, as you say, and, you know, try to support one
12:14
another because sadly, you know, there are plenty of people who
12:18
need treatment. We don't have to compete for
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folks to help. There are plenty of folks that
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need help. And you know, the whole industry
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is better if we can work collaborative collaboratively.
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And it's one of the only industries I've ever been in
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where I've gotten to experience that because somebody did it for
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fellowship Hall's founders too. I mean, we reached out to
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Highwatch in Kent, Connecticut and they've they're probably the
12:41
first treatment center in the country.
12:43
They're 100 plus years old. So, you know, we've all reached
12:48
out and gotten help and advice and support as we've opened our
12:52
organization. So, you know, like you said,
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we've got to give it back to keep it.
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That's so. I didn't know that about that.
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That makes total sense. So yeah, high watch is the 1st
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12 step treatment center in the world and then yeah.
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And then they you know that that makes all the sense in the
13:07
world. That's really.
13:08
Cool. Yeah, that's very cool.
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And I mean, while New Waters Recovery is a, you know, pretty
13:12
infant program in in terms of comparing herself to things like
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fellowship hall and high watch and even, you know, Hanley
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Center and there's a, you know, a handful of them, as I always
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see is like the the OG kind of like treatment centers in the
13:24
country. But we were gifted the same, you
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know, graciousness, right? I mean, we had, you know, a
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small handful of programs that, you know, we had relationships
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and we reached out to and it was, we were welcomed with open
13:34
arms. And it was like, yeah, anything
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let let us teach you what worked well and what didn't work well
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for us. So hopefully you don't have to
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stumble upon those same mistakes.
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And, and it was amazing. And we we've tried to do the
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same thing. Anything, anytime somebody's
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thinking about doing this or doing that or changing something
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in the way that they operate, you know, we're happy to just,
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you know, just, you know, set up a call or open up the books and
13:54
just tell them whatever they need to know 'cause as you
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mentioned, Kelly, I think, you know, we, we don't have to be so
14:00
territorial about that stuff. We're all trying to do the same
14:03
thing and just help people. And there are a lot of people
14:05
that need help for sure. And that I think is one of the
14:08
nice things, particularly in our our kind of part of the country
14:11
here in North Carolina in particular.
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I know that we work with you all and many other providers in the
14:17
state and I love the ability to refer folks back and forth
14:23
between organizations because somebody may call fellowship
14:26
Paul today probably will and we might not be the exact right fit
14:29
for them, but we know so many programs in the state that we
14:33
can confidently say, you know what, we aren't exactly the
14:37
match that you need, but New Waters in Raleigh is or Pavilion
14:41
in Lake Lure or whatever it may be.
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And we are able to do that and our colleagues do that for us as
14:47
well. If they're not the right fit,
14:49
they make the referral because really that's what it's about.
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I think the core of the providers and particularly in
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our state and really in our country want to see people get
15:00
the help they need and they want them to be in the facility
15:03
that's best suited to do that for them.
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And, and really, that's the bottom line.
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Yeah, you're in. The collaborative nature of the
15:11
field is so true. Thank God, I will say that we're
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so lucky and you, you know, you, you're, you know, both of y'all
15:18
are, you're, you're on the board of Natap, right.
15:21
I mean, there are you see, you've seen a lot of it and
15:23
you're you travel, but you know, I got I do go to other, you
15:27
know, you know, markets and it's not like North Carolina.
15:31
I mean, we're lucky. We people really are
15:33
collaborative and nice and not, you know, not kind of just being
15:38
nice but stab you in the back. I mean, people are helpful here.
15:41
And some of these other, you know, bigger cities, it's not
15:44
like quite like that. We don't just say we do it, we
15:47
actually, actually do it. You're right.
15:49
We actually do it. And you know, when you when you
15:52
are in an industry, and I heard a fellow NATAP board member say
15:56
this is that our industry exists because of the suffering of
16:00
other people. And if we keep that in mind that
16:04
we we're here to hopefully provide relief and help and
16:07
tools for them. But really it exists because
16:10
they're still suffering Alcoholics and addicts out in
16:14
the world that need help. And we've got to keep that kind
16:17
of at the forefront. And I think we're really good at
16:20
that in our field and frequently here in North Carolina.
16:24
And if we stay grounded in what our works about, I think that's
16:27
what helps with that collaboration.
16:30
You know, we, we all run facilities, they are businesses,
16:34
but that's not the shouldn't be the primary driver.
16:39
Yeah, we we couldn't agree more. And that's, you know, been a
16:41
driving principle of of ours as well as that, you know that as
16:44
you mentioned, like you know, it is a business and there's got to
16:47
be strategy around that. And also the, you know, the
16:50
business can only be successful if we continue to prioritize,
16:53
like good work, helping people, you know, staying true to that.
16:56
That mission is the only thing I think that makes the business
16:59
part of it viable to begin with, I think.
17:01
Yeah, and we're fortunate as you all maybe probably are as well.
17:06
Our greatest referral source for folks to find us are alumni at
17:11
either the, you know, primary treatment or the family program.
17:16
You know, that word of mouth is really valuable because you
17:20
know, if you're the person looking for treatment, you want
17:22
to hear things like I went to New Waters or I went to
17:25
Fellowship Hall and I was treated with respect.
17:27
People were kind to me. The food was good.
17:29
You know, my bed was comfortable, whatever it may be.
17:32
Absolutely. I you're exactly right.
17:35
And when I hear you said something earlier that made me
17:37
think about the one of the great play you're talking about
17:39
running into alumni and hearing, you know, when I talk about it
17:41
and other people have great stories, you know, when I see
17:45
our alumni out, you know, in meetings and just, you know, out
17:48
in the wild doing well, there's nothing makes me happier,
17:51
honestly. And and then when I hear
17:55
somebody says, yeah, we've got a, you know, like we had a tour
17:58
yesterday with this therapist and they're like, yeah, we I've
18:00
got a couple of your former clients.
18:02
They're like, they have a good experience.
18:03
Like, Oh yeah, they love it. I'm like, thank God.
18:06
You know, I just it, but that I just, you're right.
18:09
I mean, having that. And it doesn't have to just be a
18:12
former client who needs to go back or, you know, it's his wife
18:17
or his friend, You know, just the kind of word gets around
18:20
where people are good. And the, and The thing is, we
18:22
talk about this a lot too, is, you know, my job is to go out
18:26
and make sure people are aware of new waters recovery.
18:28
That's the main part of my job, you know, but I also want to go
18:31
out and be able to vet out the other places so we can all have
18:35
places that we like know and trust to refer to when we, you
18:38
know, either on the front end, we're not right, like you were
18:40
just talking about, or once they're in our care, where they
18:43
go next. But The thing is, it's also just
18:47
as important to go know where not to defend people.
18:50
Yeah, you know, right. Well, we always say it's, it's
18:54
good for folks to have some consistency in the messaging
18:58
they're going to get. And that's what we look for when
19:01
we're referring back and forth folks who come to us for care or
19:05
reached out to us. Because I think especially in
19:08
early recovery, if, if you keep getting different messages
19:13
about, you know, the things that are going to help you be
19:15
successful, it's confusing. And so I think knowing that
19:18
they're going to folks are going to get consistency of, of
19:21
messaging and, and support for what the tools that the
19:24
foundation they've already started for themselves on their
19:28
recovery journey, I think is really important as well.
19:30
And and we're really lucky to have so many partners and
19:34
collaborators that we can do that with.
19:36
So I hear you. Absolutely you.
19:38
I was looking at your bio as we do before these things.
19:41
You have a, you're very well educated.
19:43
Will you tell us a little bit about how you, you know, ended
19:45
up in being the CEO of Fellowship Hall and like your
19:48
original intention when you were in school and how it took you
19:51
there? Sure, I'll be happy to.
19:55
So I was a license or am I licensed clinical social worker
20:00
1st and was in. Working as a practicing
20:04
clinician for 17 years before I joined Fellowship Hall's family
20:07
program. I am not a person in long term
20:10
recovery, but I grew up in an environment that could have
20:15
benefited from some. I'll tell you that.
20:19
And I think I kind of laugh when an an undergrad, I majored in
20:23
psych and as I look back on it, I'm thinking everybody I was in
20:28
classes with, I think we all came from some environment that
20:31
we were trying to figure out. And we thought, I'll just be a
20:33
psych major. I'll get this figured out.
20:36
So good undergrad psych graduate, MSW practice in the
20:42
field. Was fortunate to find fellowship
20:44
hall and join the family program, which was an amazing
20:48
experience. We have a four day family
20:52
intensive program for everybody who comes fellowship, all can
20:55
have a family or participate in that, no additional cost.
20:58
We think it's so important in the process that you know the
21:02
family have an opportunity to heal just as much as the person
21:05
they identified patients so to speak, because you know this,
21:10
this disease does not happen in a vacuum.
21:12
So I had the great privilege of being a part of the family
21:15
program. And then from there I moved into
21:19
the clinical director role. Again, one of the my favorite
21:25
jobs I've ever had. We have such amazing clinicians
21:28
and it's so wonderful to have the opportunity in a helping
21:33
perfect well profession probably to get to mentor folks coming up
21:36
in the field. And I really loved that
21:39
position. And then I decided at that point
21:45
being in a leadership position that I had a lot of clinical
21:48
experience. But Justin, you mentioned
21:51
earlier that treatment facilities, any healthcare
21:54
facility also has a business side to it.
21:56
And I felt like, you know what, I would like to know more,
22:00
increase my knowledge there. So I went back and got a
22:03
master's in healthcare administration to complement the
22:06
clinical side. So I felt a little more balanced
22:08
in my knowledge base. And then I was very fortunate to
22:13
work alongside Mike Yao, whom both of you know, for many, many
22:16
years as a clinician. And then he served as CEO of
22:19
Fellowship Hall for six years and guided us through those
22:23
challenges of the pandemic. And then on the other side of
22:26
that, you know, Mike made the decision to retire from the
22:31
role, kind of step back. And at that time, I had the
22:34
opportunity to step in as the interim CEO for Fellowship Hall
22:38
and then throw my hat in the ring for the national search
22:41
they did and, and the privilege to be offered the position.
22:45
And it's amazing. It's such an incredible
22:50
organization. And one thing that's been so
22:53
helpful has been having a staff with so much longevity, folks
22:57
who come to Fellowship Hall in all positions, whether it's
23:00
dietary, medical, the clinical side, they have a lot of
23:06
longevity here at Fellowship Hall and that makes it a little
23:10
more special as well. So that's kind of the my
23:14
progression of getting here. No, I wanted to hear thank you.
23:17
And I'm, I'm so glad that they you know that that not only did
23:20
they hire from within and somebody had been there for so
23:23
long and you know that I think it made sense for you.
23:26
I mean that you got the opportunity to be like the
23:28
interim and say, look, Hey, look, this works, you know,
23:30
because sometimes I just you know, I was not monitoring it
23:34
super closely, but also was curious.
23:36
And then they hire somebody. If you sometimes they bring
23:38
somebody like a hired gun from another treatment center or got
23:42
or worse, another feet like industry to go, you know,
23:46
improve this sacred place. That's the oldest treatment
23:50
center in North Carolina. You know, so I'm I'm I'm glad
23:52
that you were the 1 stewarding it.
23:54
That's awesome. I also, Kelly, I did not know
23:58
you were a clinician and so I learned something new today
24:01
about you. But I, I have a biased opinion
24:04
about that. So I should preface that before
24:06
I say it, But I am a big fan of individuals that are leaders
24:10
over, you know, treatment facilities or treatment programs
24:13
in general that have that clinical background that
24:16
understand. And again, you know, no, no
24:18
fault to anybody who's sitting in that seat that doesn't have
24:22
that experience. But I do, Frank, I do believe it
24:24
brings a lot of value and ability to relate and understand
24:28
to the work that's being done that maybe somebody that doesn't
24:32
have that experience just is unable to relate to,
24:34
unfortunately. So I'm, I'm glad that I learned
24:37
that about you And, and, and I loved what that helps bring to
24:41
the table. Yeah.
24:42
Because you're right, the job really has some unique.
24:48
I kind of look at a two sides of a coin because they're
24:51
regardless of what the background that brings the CEO
24:54
into that role, you know, you really are, our product isn't a
24:57
widget, you know, it's not tangible.
24:59
It's clinical services that we're offering and you know,
25:04
both medical and the therapeutic side, that's really what we're
25:07
offering to folks. So having a a good understanding
25:09
of that, it's helpful. But then, you know, so many
25:12
people in this role also come from the MB AM HA background,
25:17
the business side, and there's value.
25:19
You need that side of it too, because you.
25:21
Know. It you can have the most
25:24
wonderful clinical team in the world, but if you can't pay them
25:26
for their services. They're not going to.
25:30
Stay very long. So it's a, it's a balancing act
25:33
to do both of them. And I think one of the things
25:36
I've learned most in leadership is to recognize what I don't
25:39
know and then to be able to identify those people who do
25:43
know it and you know how to seek out the information.
25:46
And I think that really helps anybody in a leadership role.
25:50
You're right. I mean, there's, you know, when
25:52
some, when somebody's in a leadership role and they think
25:55
that they suddenly have all the answers, that that doesn't
25:57
typically go very well. Yeah.
25:59
Yeah, that doesn't, that doesn't.
26:00
Take you too far. They call that humility when
26:02
you're. You know what I don't know.
26:04
Let me find out. Somebody let me find the answer
26:06
for you. Yeah, that takes, you know,
26:08
courage to have humility, I guess.
26:10
And. One of the things I like about
26:12
working in this field is, you know, we don't just, we weren't
26:17
just built on a foundation of 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
26:21
and Narcotics Anonymous, but we put those principles into
26:26
operation, which is fantastic because you know, I shared, I'm
26:30
not a person of long term recovery, but as an
26:32
organization, we recently did anonymous poll.
26:35
We have 580 years of recovery. Oh, that's amazing.
26:40
That's. Really cool.
26:41
It was just a neat kind of exercise to we were curious
26:44
because we have a, you know, a staff a lot of folks in long
26:47
term recovery, a lot of folks not in long term recovery, just,
26:51
you know, allies or members of Al Anon and Arnon or their lives
26:55
have somehow been touched. And it's just, it was really
26:59
neat to to find that out. But also it, it really is part
27:04
of the fabric of the culture here, you know, to exercise
27:08
humility, to do the next right thing, to clean up our side of
27:11
the street. And, you know, I'm a big
27:14
proponent of the fact that I think any human being walking
27:18
the planet could benefit from some of the lessons that, you
27:22
know, the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, that that foundation,
27:26
they used to, to write those 12 steps.
27:29
I mean, you know who? I hear you know I'm.
27:33
As. Soon, the day, the first day I
27:35
ever read any of the book, that was my first thought is
27:37
everybody needs this. I forget that.
27:39
I mean, that was my first instinct was everybody needs
27:43
this. I will say also, you know, you
27:45
were doing that. You did the family program.
27:46
You were the the the director of the family program, right?
27:50
For a while. Yeah.
27:53
I we did that when I was there and it was great.
27:55
There you go. Yeah, they're hugely important.
27:59
And you know, I think, I believe all residential programs that
28:03
are 30 plus days, I mean you got to have that family component
28:06
because exactly what you said, Kelly, I mean, you know,
28:08
recovery doesn't happen in a vacuum.
28:10
And being able to work with the family and help them.
28:12
I mean, as we know a lot of times, especially when family
28:14
systems and that identified client is coming in to treatment
28:18
for the very first time. I mean, the family doesn't know
28:21
unless they've struggled with it their self or they've had a
28:23
loved one previously or something like that.
28:25
Like nobody really knows what to do.
28:28
And I, I'd feel like those family programs are just so
28:30
crucially important, helping people understand like, what is
28:33
their role? What does all this look like?
28:34
What does recovery look like? A lot of questions to be
28:37
answered. Sure, and a lot of feelings that
28:40
they're bringing with them, fear, anger sometimes.
28:45
I mean, there's confusion. There's a lot happening for
28:48
family members too. So, you know, I, I like you, I'm
28:52
always grateful when a program incorporates that, a
28:55
particularly residential program, because you know, we
28:57
need to support the entire family system and on the journey
29:02
of recovery because believe it or not, we've all got a, a
29:04
recovery process to work through.
29:07
And it's not just the person who was using the substances.
29:11
That's right. Well, I was just kind of
29:13
thinking about when I was my mom came and did it and yeah, it
29:19
wasn't your typical because, you know, I was 41 and an adult who
29:23
had not lived at home since I was really like 14 years old.
29:25
But still she was the the family member who came to do it.
29:29
But either way, because, you know, sometimes it was, it was
29:31
usually somebody, it was a husband or wife, you know, that
29:34
was the most common setup or, you know, scenario.
29:38
But one thing I really remember though, is, you know, we've
29:41
been, we were there for like 3 weeks when we do that.
29:43
So we've been there for a little while, you know, doing these
29:46
group exercises and role-playing and getting vulnerable where
29:49
whether we wanted to or not while we're at, you know, his
29:52
guest at fellowship hall, Then all of a sudden the families are
29:54
there and they're they've been just at home.
29:57
Well, you know, probably worried about us in some cases mad about
29:59
us, but but not doing not getting vulnerable and doing,
30:03
you know, role-playing with strangers and just them coming
30:07
in to even just the willingness that I saw.
30:10
And not only my own mom, my mom, but also the other other family
30:15
members there to just be uncomfortable and, you know, and
30:19
speak in front of a group and role play.
30:21
I mean, that's such a huge deal just to get them involved, at
30:24
least on the very basic level of of saying like, hey, like, I can
30:28
see that this you're doing things are really uncomfortable
30:31
and awkward. And I'm willing to do some of
30:33
this too. And to ultimately help them
30:36
understand that this is not a punishment for them, that this
30:38
is a way for them to get better too.
30:40
Right. And you know, it's also an
30:42
opportunity to help educate them that they're not responsible for
30:48
managing their loved ones recovery.
30:50
As you know, so many of them are holding on so tight to make sure
30:53
the person they love doesn't die from this disease that they're
30:56
not sure when it's OK to let go. You know when it's OK to say,
31:01
you know what, B, you, you completed these 30 days of
31:04
treatment and you need to go and manage your recovery 'cause you
31:10
know, if you're a parent that's been holding on, 'cause you
31:12
mentioned it was your mom who came.
31:13
We have parents of adult children here.
31:16
We have children of people who are in treatment.
31:20
We have spouses, life partners, sometimes best friends.
31:26
You know, it can be. It's not limited by a definition
31:29
of who family is. And it's amazing to see all
31:32
these folks come from different relationships on Monday morning.
31:36
And we always joke. Everybody's got arms crossed.
31:38
They're thinking, these people better not ask me to do
31:40
something uncomfortable. I'm here, but I'm not
31:44
participating. Or, you know, they may not
31:46
actively say that, but you can see that they're uncomfortable.
31:49
I mean, they're in a room full of strangers By Thursday.
31:52
People are exchanging phone numbers.
31:54
There's hugging there. You know, people have made
31:56
lifelong friends just like their loved one has done in the
32:00
treatment, the residential treatment program.
32:03
So it's incredible to watch that transformation happen.
32:07
Yeah, Well, Speaking of that, and maybe we'll end on this.
32:11
Speaking of friends made in treatment, you know, I still for
32:14
sure keep up with some people. I was a fellowship hall with.
32:16
And there's a guy who came in, came in two or three days after
32:20
I did. And I got, you know, I'm, I'd
32:24
been around I but I'd never seen anybody this sick in terms of
32:28
alcoholism. You know, he came in, in a
32:30
wheelchair lawyer from Virginia. And I, I just didn't know that
32:35
that was a thing where people could get so sick from
32:37
alcoholism and withdrawal that they needed to be in a
32:39
wheelchair. And, you know, I didn't know
32:42
anything, but I was like, if anybody is like not going to
32:45
make it, that's this guy. And this guy and I both stayed
32:48
sober and commute. He texts me every morning that
32:52
he sends me a quote of some sort that he gets from maybe his
32:56
sponsor, somebody. And then I sent it to a group of
32:58
people during COVID. I spoke at his Home group on
33:01
Zoom and it's just one little example of how, you know, it's
33:08
just the connections that are made and then the and that
33:10
willingness to keep doing the same thing every day to stay
33:17
clean, sober and serene. And it's all, you know, all
33:21
started at fellowship hall. So thank you so much for being
33:24
here. Will you?
33:24
Test. Thank you, Kelly.
33:26
We're going to put all your links up.
33:27
How do we, how do we, how do people find Fellowship Hall?
33:30
Well, Fellowship Hall is fellowshiphall.com if you want
33:35
to search for us on the Internet and our websites there, we're
33:39
right here in Greensboro, NC. You know, give us a call, come
33:45
and visit. We're happy to give tours and
33:48
answer any questions. And like I said before, if we
33:50
aren't the right fit for you, we're going to help you find
33:53
that right fit. And that's what I admire about
33:56
our admissions team is there. They'll take that time to do
33:59
that. We're we're also on all the
34:02
social media platforms. I'm out there on LinkedIn,
34:05
people can reach out to me directly, you know, whatever we
34:08
can do to help somebody get the help that they need.
34:11
And you know, I appreciate being able to continue to work with
34:16
great partners like New Waters. So likewise.
34:20
You know we can. Do anything on that and you just
34:22
let us know we're happy to be there.
34:25
Same. Thank you for everything you do.
34:27
We love Fellowship Hall and I can't say enough good things
34:31
about it. So thank you for being here
34:33
today and we will see you soon. Thank you, Kelly, stay warm.
34:38
If you liked what you heard today or just want to know more,
34:40
give us a call on 9196708119 or visit us at
34:46
newwatersrecovery.com. Thank you.