Latest / Lately with Lexi / 12. Santosha: Finding Peace in Enough

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12. Santosha: Finding Peace in Enough · Lately with Lexi

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Through the Veil.
• 0:02
  This week,
• 0:02
  we are continuing our journey through Patanjali's Eight Limbs
• 0:07
  of Yoga.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Specifically, we are diving into the Niyamas.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: And today we're exploring Santosha,
• 0:14
  which is the practice of contentment and the peace that comes
• 0:18
  from accepting what
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: is.
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  So last week we explored Sausha,
• 0:24
  which is the practice of purity and cleansing.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'll link that episode in the show notes if you are catching up.
• 0:32
  And what we're kind of building upon this week is that when we
• 0:36
  cleanse our body,
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  SPEAKER_00: our mind,
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: and our environment through Sausha,
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: we create the clarity that's needed to practice Santosha or Sausha.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: cultivating contentment because contentment often,
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: maybe even always,
• 0:53
  becomes so much easier to experience when we're not weighed
• 0:58
  down by clutter,
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: so much toxicity and external noise.
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  So santosha is the second niyama and it translates to
• 1:09
  contentment or acceptance or
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  SPEAKER_00: satisfaction.
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  SPEAKER_00: And in the sutra,
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  SPEAKER_00: Patanjali tells us that from contentment,
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  SPEAKER_00: unsurpassed happiness is gained,
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  SPEAKER_00: not from achieving more,
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  SPEAKER_00: acquiring more,
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  SPEAKER_00: becoming more,
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  SPEAKER_00: but from contentment with what already is right here,
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  SPEAKER_00: right now in the present moment.
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  SPEAKER_00: So it's very freeing.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I want to be honest with you,
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: this practice,
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  it has been one of my biggest teachers and also one of my
• 1:41
  biggest life challenges.
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  Because like so many of us,
• 1:45
  I grew up with a lingering anxiety that enough is never enough.
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  And contentment was almost always an afterthought in my life
• 1:55
  built around always
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: striving for more.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And when we practice contentment,
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: it doesn't mean we're not ambitious,
• 2:02
  but it is something we want to keep at the forefront so that we
• 2:06
  can be present.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: It really grounds and acres our presence.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So early in my career as a freelance marketer,
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: I started tying my identity to the work that I did.
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  SPEAKER_00: And the work was never enough, right?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like there was always another client to land,
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  SPEAKER_00: a new project to complete,
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  SPEAKER_00: a new course to launch,
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  SPEAKER_00: another retreat to host,
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  SPEAKER_00: another financial milestone to hit.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I was constantly chasing the next thing,
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  SPEAKER_00: whether it was through that next client,
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  SPEAKER_00: that next big investment,
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  SPEAKER_00: ultimately believing that once I got there,
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  SPEAKER_00: once I did that thing,
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  SPEAKER_00: when I achieved enough,
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  SPEAKER_00: then I could finally enjoy the fruits of my labor.
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  but what happened is the finish line kept moving every time i
• 2:48
  reached a goal the
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  goal post shifted and honestly it wasn't until i turned 30 and
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  started spending
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  more time in europe and also this was a big one i let go a
• 3:00
  couple of my largest
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  contract clients it wasn't until these experiences that i
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  realized my enough
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  SPEAKER_00: isn't about how much I achieve or how much I earn.
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  My enough is found in experiencing peace of mind and depth in
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  my relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: This realization started to change everything.
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  And the other thing is that when I'm so fixated on more and
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  striving and achieving that,
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  I often was not experiencing peace of mind or depth in my
• 3:33
  relationships or presence
• 3:35
  with the people that I love because my mind was often stuck in
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  the future.
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  SPEAKER_00: And this showed up in my living situation too.
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  SPEAKER_00: So when I first moved to Nashville,
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  SPEAKER_00: I wanted the nicest apartment,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: top floor,
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  SPEAKER_00: the best view,
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  SPEAKER_00: want to face East,
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  SPEAKER_00: get that sunrise,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: and I got it.
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  SPEAKER_00: And then what happened?
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  SPEAKER_00: Well, I wanted more space.
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  SPEAKER_00: So I upgraded to a bigger two bedroom apartment and
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  SPEAKER_00: And then my dream house,
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  SPEAKER_00: a three bedroom home with a sunroom,
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  SPEAKER_00: a pool,
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  SPEAKER_00: a beautiful park,
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  SPEAKER_00: basically in our backyard,
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  SPEAKER_00: a basement for a recording studio.
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  SPEAKER_00: And this was in East Nashville.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I remember thinking like, this is it.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is what I've worked so hard for.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is going to make us so happy.
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  But then the roof started leaking and the sunroom flooded
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  multiple times.
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  And our landlord started sending very long emails,
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  very threatening emails.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it became this huge point of stress and conflict.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I realized, you know, I, I, I don't need this house.
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  SPEAKER_00: I didn't need all of the things in it.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know,
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  I needed to create my own peace regardless of where I was or
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  what was happening
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  SPEAKER_00: around me.
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  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have anything to prove to anybody.
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  SPEAKER_00: So if we go back to Santosha and this practice of contentment,
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  SPEAKER_00: it teaches us that happiness does not come from external relationships.
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  It doesn't come from these external desires that we have all
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  aligning perfectly,
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  right?
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  That's not going to be the thing that gives us peace of mind
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  and contentment.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know,
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  SPEAKER_00: it comes from our internal capacity to accept,
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  SPEAKER_00: to accept what is,
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  to be in the present moment and to stop endlessly chasing and
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  finally allowing
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  SPEAKER_00: ourselves to rest in our own innate enoughness and
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  SPEAKER_00: And the challenge with this is that,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: we live in a culture that honestly profits from us being discontent.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, we're bombarded with messages telling us we're not enough.
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  SPEAKER_00: We don't have enough.
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  SPEAKER_00: We need to do more, be more, achieve more.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know,
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  SPEAKER_00: don't get me started on social media where,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: we're scrolling through everybody's best moments,
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  SPEAKER_00: their achievements,
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  SPEAKER_00: their,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: opinions,
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  SPEAKER_00: their perfect homes,
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  SPEAKER_00: their successful businesses,
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  SPEAKER_00: their dream vacations.
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  SPEAKER_00: And we start comparing that to our behind the scenes reality.
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  And the algorithm is ultimately designed to keep us addicted
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  and it is setting us up for lack.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's draining our dopamine.
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  And I would say that it does far more harm than good when we
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  are spending more time
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  SPEAKER_00: consuming than we are creating,
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  SPEAKER_00: comparing instead of connecting.
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  SPEAKER_00: So we need to get offline, right?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: We got to get offline.
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  SPEAKER_00: We got to be with one another in person.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is why I love working with my clients in person.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is why I still teach yoga classes regularly.
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  SPEAKER_00: I lead workshops and in-person retreats.
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  SPEAKER_00: My next one's coming up on winter solstice in Sarasota, Florida.
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  A little plug,
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  if you want to come,
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  I would love to have you December 21st.
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  And this loneliness epidemic that we experience often because
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  of the social media
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  SPEAKER_00: taking up so much of our time and energy.
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  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's real and it's getting worse, right?
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  And there's a lot of stats to back this up with our culture
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  being disconnected and
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  SPEAKER_00: having an increase of depression,
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  SPEAKER_00: anxiety,
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  SPEAKER_00: insomnia,
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  SPEAKER_00: uh,
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  SPEAKER_00: feeling,
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  feelings of being isolated and disconnected and ultimately
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  really discontent.
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  And the truth is like contentment,
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  it's never going to come from a screen and
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  SPEAKER_00: It comes from presence,
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  SPEAKER_00: from real connection,
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  from being with what's actually here in your present that you
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  can be grateful for
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  SPEAKER_00: and to recognize and,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  focusing on that versus constantly reaching for what you don't
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  have and being
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  SPEAKER_00: fixated on that lack.
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  So from a yogic perspective,
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  santosha is about accepting life as it unfolds without
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  resistance.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know,
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  SPEAKER_00: it's not about settling for less than you deserve,
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  but it's about recognizing that peace isn't found in perfect
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  circumstances,
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  SPEAKER_00: right?
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  SPEAKER_00: Like it's just not,
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  it's found in how you meet the circumstances that you're given
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  that are right in
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  SPEAKER_00: front of you.
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  SPEAKER_00: So this practice asks,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: can we be at peace with where we are right now,
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  SPEAKER_00: even while we're working towards,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: newness or a direction we want to go?
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  SPEAKER_00: Can we hold both contentment and aspiration?
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  Can we strive without creating more suffering or a lack of
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  presence because we're
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  SPEAKER_00: living in the future?
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  SPEAKER_00: So if you think about this,
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  when it comes to our yoga mat or meditation cushion or
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  spiritual practice,
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  SPEAKER_00: Santosha shows up as accepting our body,
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  SPEAKER_00: accepting those racing thoughts in the mind,
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  SPEAKER_00: not wishing that we were more flexible,
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  SPEAKER_00: stronger,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: we're different,
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  SPEAKER_00: but being present with the body we have,
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  SPEAKER_00: the practices that we engage in with whatever we're bringing to the mat,
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  SPEAKER_00: to the meditation cushion in the present moment.
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  SPEAKER_00: And then outside of our spiritual practice,
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  SPEAKER_00: outside of yoga and meditation,
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  SPEAKER_00: it's about releasing the constant state of wanting,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: wanting a different or better job,
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  SPEAKER_00: a different partner,
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  SPEAKER_00: a different body,
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  SPEAKER_00: maybe a different life.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, that wanting creates a perpetual state of dissatisfaction.
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  And ultimately it's robbing us of the ability to experience
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  more joy in the present moment.
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  SPEAKER_00: And ultimately I think that's what we all want.
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  SPEAKER_00: Like when we say we want
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  SPEAKER_00: The new job,
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  SPEAKER_00: the new relationship,
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  SPEAKER_00: it's often because we feel a dissonance and a lack in the present.
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  So what if we could flip the script and start to view our life
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  through a lens of
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  SPEAKER_00: gratitude and joy and presence?
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  SPEAKER_00: That is going to be the thing that's so freeing.
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  SPEAKER_00: And we can have desires still.
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  SPEAKER_00: We can have our preferences without being in a state of discontent.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know,
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  we can work towards our goals without believing that we're only
• 10:01
  going to be happy
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  SPEAKER_00: once we achieve them.
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  SPEAKER_00: We can want things to be different while also accepting what is.
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  SPEAKER_00: And we have to come back to this practice over and over and over again.
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  So this week,
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  I want to invite you to sit with a couple reflection questions.
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  SPEAKER_00: You can journal on these.
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  SPEAKER_00: You can meditate on them.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I have four of them for you.
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  So the first is where in your life are you perpetually
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  discontent or always
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  SPEAKER_00: reaching for more or different?
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's one thing that it's like, oh, it's just the thing.
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  SPEAKER_00: Name it, get clear on it.
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  And can you start to view it through a different lens of
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  gratitude for the
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  SPEAKER_00: experience at hand that's right here in front of you?
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  SPEAKER_00: How much of your time and energy goes towards wanting,
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  SPEAKER_00: wanting what you don't have rather than appreciating what you do?
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  What would shift if you chose to be at peace with exactly the
• 10:59
  circumstance and
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: situation you are in right now?
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  SPEAKER_00: Where is maybe social media or comparison stealing your contentment?
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  SPEAKER_00: I love that quote.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, comparison is the thief of joy.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's so true.
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  SPEAKER_00: So notice throughout the week where discontentment arises,
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  SPEAKER_00: start to become more aware of this so that you can start to shift it.
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  So Santosha is something we can cultivate through consistent,
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  gentle attention.
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  And I want to share three simple ways that you can integrate
• 11:30
  this into your life.
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  So the first very simple is practicing gratitude for what is
• 11:36
  like,
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  this isn't new.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't revolutionary.
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  SPEAKER_00: We've all heard this, but are we really practicing it?
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  SPEAKER_00: So every morning or evening this week,
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  SPEAKER_00: I mean,
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  create a container for this habit for yourself so that you can
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  stick to it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's writing down just one thing.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, you hear write down three things you're grateful for every day.
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  SPEAKER_00: If that's too much or you don't stick to that, choose one.
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's how you start your yoga practice.
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  SPEAKER_00: You think of a couple of things you're grateful for.
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  SPEAKER_00: Not things that you wish you had or things you're working towards,
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  but things that are already here in your present moment that
• 12:08
  you can acknowledge.
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  Because when we focus our attention on what we have and what
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  we're grateful for,
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  SPEAKER_00: we start to shift our energy,
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  SPEAKER_00: which is then like opening us up to receive even more of that.
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  And it could be as simple as like,
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  I'm grateful for the roof over my head.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm grateful for this cup of tea.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm grateful for my health, my partner.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, gratitude is one of the fastest doorways to contentment.
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  SPEAKER_00: And what happens is when we train our mind to notice what's already good,
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  SPEAKER_00: already enough,
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  SPEAKER_00: already beautiful,
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  we shift out of this perpetual state of lack that further keeps
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  us stuck and
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  SPEAKER_00: dissatisfied.
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
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  Now,
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  the second one,
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  this is simple and it's taking a social media sabbatical.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's simple in that you can just delete the app from your phone.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's not easy, but it's simple.
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  SPEAKER_00: And pay attention,
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  like how much more mental bandwidth opens up for you when
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  you're not constantly
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  SPEAKER_00: consuming,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: other people's highlight reels.
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  SPEAKER_00: And instead of scrolling,
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  SPEAKER_00: maybe you spend that time reaching out to someone in real life,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: have a phone call,
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  SPEAKER_00: meet someone for coffee,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: be present and give yourself the space to have actual human connection.
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  Something sometimes we forget about,
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  you know,
• 13:24
  this is what we're all starving for.
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  And ironically,
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  this is the thing that often just gives us so much more
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  fulfillment and
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  SPEAKER_00: And then the third practice is creating an enough statement.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is one of the most liberating things you can do.
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  SPEAKER_00: It is something that has profoundly shifted my,
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  SPEAKER_00: not just like my actions and how I show up in the world,
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  SPEAKER_00: but it gives such freedom and peace.
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  SPEAKER_00: So sit down and write out what does enough mean for you?
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  SPEAKER_00: What does enough look like?
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  SPEAKER_00: not what society says it should be,
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  SPEAKER_00: not what social media tells you,
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  SPEAKER_00: but what does enough actually mean?
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  SPEAKER_00: So for me,
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  SPEAKER_00: as an example,
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  SPEAKER_00: my enough is experiencing peace of mind because what I found,
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: what I realized when I was striving for the next client,
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  Oftentimes it was because I did not feel peace when it came to
• 14:19
  finances and I was
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: worried about the future and what was going to happen next.
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  And this is ultimately why I have strived for so many things at
• 14:30
  once in my life is
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: because I felt a lack of peace.
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  SPEAKER_00: And if you can...
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  figure out what that thing is that you ultimately are desiring
• 14:38
  underneath the
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: external circumstance changing.
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  SPEAKER_00: Typically it is like peace, love, joy, fun, creativity.
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  SPEAKER_00: Once you can get clear on what that is, it is going to give you
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  SPEAKER_00: freedom.
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  SPEAKER_00: Why?
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  SPEAKER_00: Because this enough statement,
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  SPEAKER_00: it's not something external or in the future,
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  SPEAKER_00: but it's something you can tap into right here,
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  SPEAKER_00: right now,
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  SPEAKER_00: regardless of your circumstance.
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  SPEAKER_00: And you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: remember what Patanjali's promise was and is it's that from contentment,
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: unsurpassed happiness is gained and
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  SPEAKER_00: And I think we can all agree that's something we all want,
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: not from achieving more,
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: not from acquiring more,
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: but from resting with within what already is.
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  So there's so much freedom that comes when we stop chasing and
• 15:29
  start allowing ourselves to rest.
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  SPEAKER_00: When we stop believing that happiness is always,
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: one achievement,
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: one purchase,
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  SPEAKER_00: one milestone away,
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  SPEAKER_00: right?
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: When we finally allow ourselves to be content with what is,
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: this doesn't mean we stop growing.
• 15:45
  It doesn't mean you stop creating or aspiring or working
• 15:50
  towards meaningful goals.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm assuming if you're listening to this,
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: like we are all householders,
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: uh,
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: and we're,
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: in this world and we're part of it,
• 16:00
  but it means that we're no longer suffering in the present
• 16:03
  moment because we're
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: solely fixated on and so focused on the future.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: So as you move through this week,
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: practice contentment,
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: practice saying this is enough.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: I am enough right here, right now.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is enough.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is beautiful.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so grateful for this.
• 16:18
  And notice what happens when you stop resisting what is and
• 16:23
  start accepting.
• 16:24
  Notice the peace that emerges when you're not constantly at war
• 16:29
  with reality.
• 16:30
  Notice the joy that becomes available when you're finally
• 16:33
  present with your life.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: And remember contentment, it's not about having everything you want.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:40
  It's about wanting nothing more than what you already have in
• 16:44
  this moment.
• 16:46
  And in that wanting nothing more,
• 16:48
  you discover you already have everything.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: This is the gift of Santosha.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is the unsurpassed happiness waiting within this practice of enough.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it is so beautiful and it's not easy, but it can be simple.
• 17:08
  So I just want to thank you for tuning in this week and
• 17:11
  listening to Through the Veil.
• 17:12
  Next week,
• 17:13
  we'll explore the third niyama,
• 17:16
  which is tapas,
• 17:17
  the practice of discipline.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you subscribe on Substack.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: And again,
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: another reminder,
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: December 21st on winter solstice,
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: I will be leading an in-person workshop in Sarasota,
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Florida.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to have you there.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Message me or email me for the details.
• 17:34
  And as always,
• 17:35
  all of the links to work with me are also in the show notes
• 17:38
  below.
• 17:39
  So if you want to book an energy healing session or a holistic
• 17:42
  health consult,
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: I do have a little bit of availability right now.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: So reach out if I can further support you in any way.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: Have a beautiful week practicing the art of contentment.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Any feedback,
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: insights,
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: ahas from this episode,
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: just drop them in the comments or shoot me an email.
• 18:02
  And I just want to thank you for continuing to tune in with me
• 18:07
  and continuing to go
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: deeper into the eight limbs of yoga.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: It is so much more than our physical practice.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Om, peace, amen.