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Dating vs Waiting · Relationship Talk Thursday

0:00
Speaker 1: Like in your single season. Waiting or dating is a choice.
0:04
Speaker 1: It's a decision. It's not by default exact. It's not
0:07
Speaker 1: because you single that means anybody can come holler at you.
0:10
Speaker 1: Just because you sing, because you're unmarried doesn't necessarily mean
0:14
Speaker 1: you're available. You have to know when you're in a
0:17
Speaker 1: dating season and when you're in a waiting season, and
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Speaker 1: you have to know the difference so that no one
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Speaker 1: can disrupt or distract you when you're when you're in
0:28
Speaker 1: the other season, because the enemy know when you when
0:31
Speaker 1: you make up in your mind, I'm gonna be content,
0:33
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be all right, and I'm just gonna work
0:35
Speaker 1: on me.
0:36
Speaker 2: And then as soon as you say that, here comes somebody.
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Speaker 3: I was about to say it could be a woman too.
0:41
Speaker 2: Most definitely it usually is a woman. His lips and fingertips.
0:45
Speaker 1: Here she comes when I'm working on myself, and people
0:48
Speaker 1: don't know how to decern the difference between the seasons.
0:53
Speaker 4: Inspiration thirteen ninety Family Way, Taking care of y'all today,
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Speaker 4: at least the single saints and of the unmarried sates,
1:01
Speaker 4: I should say, so, let's let's do it that way.
1:03
Speaker 4: It's so blakey, it is Relationship Talk Thursday. Here with
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Speaker 4: the Power Couple, Pastors Damone and Erica Glenn. They are
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Speaker 4: definitely gifted and anointed to talk about relationships, marriages, singleness.
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Speaker 3: All of it.
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Speaker 4: And I know, Pastor Jamone, you've written books that kind
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Speaker 4: of can help minister to some of the single sex.
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Speaker 1: You know, we just learned that if we do the
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Speaker 1: work on the side or the unmarried side, we have
1:27
Speaker 1: a better chance on the marriage side. So we don't
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Speaker 1: so we don't only speak, you know, we we don't
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Speaker 1: only speak to the married relationships. We try to get
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Speaker 1: you in a place of preparation. So we wrote books
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Speaker 1: like Kingdom Relationships, which is really a two part book.
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Speaker 1: It talks about what it means to be a Kingdom man,
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Speaker 1: what it means to be a Kingdom woman, and then
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Speaker 1: together because you're a separate first, complete whole, and then
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Speaker 1: you come together. My first book that I wrote was
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Speaker 1: called g Rated Sex. Though, okay, g Rated Sex is
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Speaker 1: my number one best seller, is the oldest book that
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Speaker 1: I wrote. It's because sex is really a guy's a
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Speaker 1: guy idea. It's a God thing, and it's about putting
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Speaker 1: sexuality in proper perspective. God created sex, not the enemy,
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Speaker 1: so we should not let him pervert it and take
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Speaker 1: what God created. Then we rowe one called soul session.
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Speaker 1: Soul session is really taking your soul to therapy. A
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Speaker 1: lot talked in church about the flesh and the spirit,
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Speaker 1: not enough talked about the soul. But we're tripart type being.
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Speaker 1: We're spirit, soul, and body. And so usually whatever happens
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Speaker 1: to you happens to your soul. Whatever gets whatever the
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Speaker 1: soul attracts what the soul is. And so you manage
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Speaker 1: your flesh. You saved by the spirit, but you haven't
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Speaker 1: dealt with your soul. And so your soul is where
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Speaker 1: your soul ties are. Your soul is where you make decisions.
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Speaker 1: Your soul is why you keep dating the same person
2:43
Speaker 1: with a different name, you know what I'm saying, because
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Speaker 1: you keep attracting on that. And then we roll one
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Speaker 1: built on Samson and Delight called toxic relationships. How do
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Speaker 1: you know if you're in a toxic relationship? You know
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Speaker 1: you're in a toxic relationship. One of the ways we
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Speaker 1: said is because if you keep telling somebody your truth
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Speaker 1: and they keep using it against you, that's the types
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Speaker 1: of relationship.
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Speaker 2: That's what Samson did to Delight.
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Speaker 1: Everybody gives Samson such a bad rap, but the reality
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Speaker 1: in Samson was a broken man. He just went through
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Speaker 1: a divorce, he just lost stuff. He went back his
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Speaker 1: family had dessert, and then he found himself in a
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Speaker 1: vulnerable space on the lap of delight. And there are
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Speaker 1: so many lessons you can learn from del We try
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Speaker 1: to help people learn lessons from Delightah wrote over twenty books.
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Speaker 1: You know, we try to do it again to make
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Speaker 1: sure that we get this information out to people. So, yeah,
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Speaker 1: get some information so you can think differently.
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Speaker 4: Well, and with all that being said, you mentioned dating,
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Speaker 4: So I'm quite sure in some of your books you've
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Speaker 4: talked about, you know, in the singleness should you wait
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Speaker 4: or dating?
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Speaker 3: What are some of the deciding factors on this.
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Speaker 1: We haven't and we should. But doctor Milesman wrote My
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Speaker 1: Mentor and the Teacher. The teacher he taught a book
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Speaker 1: called Waiting or Dating and he and that's where we
4:02
Speaker 1: got this context from, because it makes so much sense.
4:06
Speaker 1: Like in your single season, waiting or dating is a choice.
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Speaker 2: It's a decision. It's not by defeat.
4:12
Speaker 1: It's not because you single that means anybody can come
4:15
Speaker 1: holler at you just because you sing because you're unmarried
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Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily mean you're available. You have to know when
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Speaker 1: you're in a dating season and when you're in a
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Speaker 1: waiting season, and you have to know the difference so
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Speaker 1: that no one can disrupt or distract you when you're
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Speaker 1: when you're in the the other season, because the enemy
4:36
Speaker 1: know when you when you make up in your mind,
4:37
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be content, I'm gonna be all right, and
4:40
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna work on me. And then as soon
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Speaker 1: as you say that, here comes somebody. Most definitely it
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Speaker 1: usually is a woman, his lips and fingertips. Here she
4:51
Speaker 1: comes when I'm working on myself. And people don't know
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Speaker 1: how to descern the difference between the seasons and uh
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Speaker 1: and even what should be believed about dating and when.
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Speaker 1: We didn't write a book about that, but we did
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Speaker 1: definitely put on our YouTube channel ten questions you should
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Speaker 1: ask when you are dating, because man, we found people
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Speaker 1: with DA Day about to get married and I didn't
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Speaker 1: even asked the most pointing questions that needed to be asked.
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Speaker 1: They have talked about everything, all kinds of money, on food,
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Speaker 1: and don't know each other. So we we did give
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Speaker 1: them some questions about dating because I really wasn't a dater.
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Speaker 1: My wife was a serio dating. So you've said that.
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Speaker 2: She's a dat.
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Speaker 1: She had dates you, she a date you. Now she
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Speaker 1: had her date picks. You know, I think I want
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Speaker 1: a dinner. This person is a good conversation. This person
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Speaker 1: is I like to hang out with. Question she was dating?
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Speaker 2: I wasn't dating. I was waiting. I was in my
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Speaker 2: waiting See. I was waiting, babe, I was waiting and
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Speaker 2: you was dating. All right, you know it's true. That's
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Speaker 2: why you quiet.
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Speaker 3: It's relationship Thursday.
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Speaker 2: I'm so yeah.
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Speaker 4: With the Power Couple pastors Damone and Erica Glenn, they
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Speaker 4: have written books about this this topic today or you know,
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Speaker 4: around the topic, I should say, single and dating, wait
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Speaker 4: or date? What should one be doing while they're waiting?
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Speaker 4: And then what should one be doing while they're dating.
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Speaker 1: I'll take the waiting one because I was waiting, and
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Speaker 1: I'll let my wife take the dating one because she
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Speaker 1: was dating.
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Speaker 2: Babe. Why don't you go first because you were the
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Speaker 2: dater of the two of us.
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Speaker 5: Okay, so when you're dating somebody, first of all, I
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Speaker 5: think it's necessarily to know that you are dating and
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Speaker 5: when you're on a date.
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Speaker 3: It's not just he said it.
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Speaker 5: I did have people that you know, I went. There
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Speaker 5: was certain dates. You know, if it was a movie,
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Speaker 5: all right, okay, I am, I'm about like I was,
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Speaker 5: I know, but there was like different dates. So if
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Speaker 5: I was going to the movies with you, I really
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Speaker 5: didn't want to get to know you. I just wanted
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Speaker 5: to go to movies and I just wanted to by
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Speaker 5: me because there was no conversation that was happening. If
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Speaker 5: I wanted to go to dinner, and you know, I
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Speaker 5: had like a certain cuisine, I knew this person did,
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Speaker 5: and you know, I didn't mind sitting across from them
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Speaker 5: getting information, so I went on a day with them.
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Speaker 5: So different things require different dates. You know, if you
7:21
Speaker 5: want to go to a wedding, it had to be
7:23
Speaker 5: somebody that you was with for a little bit longer
7:25
Speaker 5: because you had to ask answer a whole lot of questions.
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Speaker 3: So all of that kind of stuff.
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Speaker 5: So with dating, for me, for the most part, it
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Speaker 5: was getting information. It was understanding who you were and
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Speaker 5: if I wanted to be with you because of who
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Speaker 5: you are, and if I didn't, then I'm able to
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Speaker 5: kind of like just let it go because I didn't
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Speaker 5: need to build my interest with that anymore. Now, the
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Speaker 5: thing about dating is you have to be honest. You
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Speaker 5: cannot be a player or you know, letting people. I
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Speaker 5: wasn't a player. I told everyone who was honest because
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Speaker 5: I always told them at the beginning of the day.
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Speaker 5: Day more than one person so me see me out
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Speaker 5: relationship like that. So you have to be honest because
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Speaker 5: if you are really gathering information, then that's what you're doing.
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Speaker 5: You're trying to make a decision. And I think that
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Speaker 5: men sometimes get this really really bad. You know, like
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Speaker 5: girls will be like, well, I thought it was just
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Speaker 5: me and you, and he's like, no, it's not, because
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Speaker 5: he's trying to make a decision. But how it makes
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Speaker 5: it a little weird is if the man does if
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Speaker 5: he's not giving the truth upright, if he's not being
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Speaker 5: honest with I am trying to find a wife, or
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Speaker 5: I'm just going out with women, you know, just going
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Speaker 5: out with women because I just you know, like a
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Speaker 5: woman's company. I just think that when people are honest
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Speaker 5: at the beginning of something, then it makes it not
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Speaker 5: so muddy, and it allows people to kind of be
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Speaker 5: who they are and whatever they need to be in
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Speaker 5: the situation of me making a decision, because if I
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Speaker 5: want to be in a relationship and be married, I
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Speaker 5: need to tell you that's what I'm doing versus, Hey,
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Speaker 5: I just needed somebody to go to dinner with. Like,
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Speaker 5: I feel like that's just honest. It might be brutal,
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Speaker 5: but I think it's very exactly. I would rather you
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Speaker 5: give me the truth than be lying.
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Speaker 2: About you're going too long.
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Speaker 1: Sorry, I told you passion in your dating season, look
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Speaker 1: at you. I got choices on this side. You had
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Speaker 1: a day girl waiting in my waiting season. No, seriously,
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Speaker 1: in my waiting season, I was waiting because I was
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Speaker 1: I just got saved.
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Speaker 2: I come out of the world.
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Speaker 1: You know, relationships, I had a tendency. I don't brag,
9:33
Speaker 1: but I had a tendency. Girls would be more into
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Speaker 1: me than I was into them. So I didn't want
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Speaker 1: to have the reputation that I was leading anybody on.
9:41
Speaker 1: I was in a position of leadership, so I was
9:43
Speaker 1: really protective of my time. Everybody was trying to introduce
9:47
Speaker 1: themselves to me, or introduce the parent, their daughter, their
9:50
Speaker 1: grandparents and me. So I just made a decision early on. Now, now,
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Speaker 1: you know, I just want to focus on building. I'm
9:56
Speaker 1: going I'm in school, I'm getting my money right, I'm
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Speaker 1: saving money. I'm trying to, uh you know, get my apartment, pay,
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Speaker 1: get me a car. I was focused on trying to
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Speaker 1: become a man, so, uh, dates are expensive.
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Speaker 2: So I decided. I decided that.
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Speaker 1: I'm gonna learn how to I'm gonna learn how to
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Speaker 1: manage my flesh so I can protect my future.
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Speaker 2: So that protect my future so exactly.
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Speaker 1: So in that space, I just made a decision, and
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Speaker 1: soon people got the sense that, Okay, he is not
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Speaker 1: in a dating space.
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Speaker 2: He is definitely in a waiting space.
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Speaker 1: And then when I start to feel like this is
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Speaker 1: getting old and I need something else and I wanted
10:35
Speaker 1: to find a wife, I still wasn't in a serial
10:37
Speaker 1: dating mood. I was in accordant decision. I was like, Okay,
10:40
Speaker 1: I'm looking for a wife. I'm not looking for a girlfriend.
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Speaker 1: I don't want a long term relationship that's not gonna
10:46
Speaker 1: lead to anything. So my mindset was always about trying
10:49
Speaker 1: to find a woman I could marry, and very quickly
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Speaker 1: I could decide if that was the case or not.
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Speaker 1: Because I had spent a lot of time with myself,
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Speaker 1: working on myself. And I'm a bit of a loaner
11:01
Speaker 1: anyway and a leader anyway. So you know, being being
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Speaker 1: alone wasn't it wasn't negative to me. It was it
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Speaker 1: was power, it was strength. And so in your waiting season,
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Speaker 1: you make a decision that you are in a weighting space.
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Speaker 2: So even if somebody.
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Speaker 1: Presents an option, it's not an option for you because
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Speaker 1: I'm not That's not what I'm doing right now.
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Speaker 4: In this relationship Chalk Thursday, it's Sonya Blakey with the
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Speaker 4: Power Couple pastors Devone and Erica Glenn. We're talking about
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Speaker 4: a single and dating weight or date. Before we close
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Speaker 4: out the show, can you answer this question? How do
11:34
Speaker 4: you know if you've stayed too long in a in
11:38
Speaker 4: a dating relationship? I guess they said, I mean if
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Speaker 4: it's a dead end dating relations situation.
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Speaker 3: How do you you know? How do you change the situation?
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Speaker 4: How do you evaluate or analyze where you are in
11:48
Speaker 4: this dating situation?
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Speaker 3: Should you like leave it alone or like what are
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Speaker 3: we doing here?
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Speaker 1: Because my wife was a dater of a letter answer
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Speaker 1: that I don't have any answers for that. She she's
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Speaker 1: the one that stayed long and she was in a
12:00
Speaker 1: relationship for a long time never materialized to what she desired.
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Speaker 5: It was seven years I was in a relationship with someone.
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Speaker 5: I think that was the longest. Yeah, it was the
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Speaker 5: longest one. And you know what, I don't need other
12:14
Speaker 5: I don't need all energy. But I think what happened
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Speaker 5: was I didn't do the things that I'm talking about,
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Speaker 5: Like I was living my life as a single person
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Speaker 5: and doing the things that I wanted to do.
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Speaker 3: But marriage was always.
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Speaker 5: Was one of my goals, and every year passed the
12:31
Speaker 5: goal that I that of the age that I said
12:34
Speaker 5: was what I just continued to focus on. And so
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Speaker 5: I was afraid that if I left this relationship that
12:40
Speaker 5: I would I had put so much time into it,
12:43
Speaker 5: so I felt like I would leave it and then
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Speaker 5: I wouldn't have anything to show for all of the
12:49
Speaker 5: years that I had been into this relationship. But the
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Speaker 5: thing that I didn't realize was that even though I
12:55
Speaker 5: invested years, this person was investing years, but they had
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Speaker 5: not made a decision of what this relationship was going
13:04
Speaker 5: to be in the future. And so because of that
13:06
Speaker 5: double mindedness, we weren't going in the same direction. I
13:10
Speaker 5: knew what I wanted, but I don't think that he
13:12
Speaker 5: knew what he wanted or if he was even going
13:14
Speaker 5: to that point. And then, you know, in retrospect, my
13:17
Speaker 5: husband and I have had this honest conversation and he
13:20
Speaker 5: was like, Babe, I think you held him to something
13:23
Speaker 5: that you should not have held him to, and you
13:26
Speaker 5: shouldn't feel so bad about yourself because the relationship that
13:30
Speaker 5: I had with him. I believe that our relationship caused
13:34
Speaker 5: us to be better people because we were together. But
13:37
Speaker 5: instead of looking at it for what it was and
13:40
Speaker 5: what I wanted it to be in my fairytale world,
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Speaker 5: I can't blame him for, you know, taking years from me,
13:48
Speaker 5: like I think that's what some women want to do.
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Speaker 5: You took all these years from me. No, sis, we
13:52
Speaker 5: gave them. We gave them intentionally knowing, hoping that we
13:55
Speaker 5: were going to manipulate the situation to get the.
13:58
Speaker 3: Ring that we wanted.
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Speaker 5: And really, in year one, you knew that this wasn't
14:02
Speaker 5: going to it wasn't going to manifest into what you
14:05
Speaker 5: wanted it to be.
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Speaker 2: But I think.
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Speaker 3: Exactly you thought you could.
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Speaker 5: I thought that I could change it all the time, right,
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Speaker 5: And he was letting me know what he wanted. And
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Speaker 5: I think you know because that first year, yeah, that
14:16
Speaker 5: first year, he asked me to marry him, but I
14:18
Speaker 5: wasn't ready. I was like, no, I'm still I'm getting
14:20
Speaker 5: read to go to college.
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Speaker 3: Like what are you doing? You're not about to lock
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Speaker 3: me down and I'm about to.
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Speaker 2: Go to school.
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Speaker 5: But as an older woman realizing what it took for
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Speaker 5: a man to ask you to marry him, I crushed him.
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Speaker 3: I crushed his I crushed his confidence. I crushed everything
14:34
Speaker 3: that he wanted to do. I crushed all of that
14:37
Speaker 3: kind of stuff, you know. So it was.
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Speaker 5: Very difficult for him to circle back around and give
14:43
Speaker 5: me the thing that I wanted when I wanted it
14:47
Speaker 5: and not when we needed it together. So you know
14:51
Speaker 5: that when you know it's a dead end, I think
14:54
Speaker 5: you know, you know within your will, you know, within
14:56
Speaker 5: your heart and your soul that this really isn't going anywhere.
15:00
Speaker 5: And I think if you would not blame somebody and
15:03
Speaker 5: just simply say, you know what, you're good for somebody,
15:07
Speaker 5: but you're just not good for me, and that's okay,
15:10
Speaker 5: And to be okay with that and to say that
15:12
Speaker 5: to the person, I think will help you to know
15:15
Speaker 5: that the relationship is dead in and you need to bounce,
15:18
Speaker 5: and you gotta have confidence that if you bounce, it's
15:22
Speaker 5: what you should do and not because you want it
15:24
Speaker 5: to be something that is not.
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Speaker 1: I don't want to start nothing while we were about to go,
15:27
Speaker 1: but I just gotta say that, okay, talking to being
15:32
Speaker 1: a guy and talking to guys, ladies, Guys know they know, right,
15:37
Speaker 1: they know so fast, they know so soon if it
15:42
Speaker 1: is or if it isn't. And if they're sticking around
15:46
Speaker 1: sometimes it's because they're trying to convince themselves or see
15:49
Speaker 1: something else because they already know.
15:52
Speaker 2: They know, they know.
15:54
Speaker 1: It's not love at first sight, but you know if
15:57
Speaker 1: this is something that you want to spend the rest
15:59
Speaker 1: of your life or not. And if they just continually
16:03
Speaker 1: wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and
16:05
Speaker 1: wait and wait and wait, and there's some uncertainty there,
16:06
Speaker 1: there's some surety there. They're trying to convince themselves or
16:10
Speaker 1: you're trying to convince them.
16:11
Speaker 2: They already know.
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Speaker 3: They already know.
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Speaker 2: Wow, he wasted them.
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Speaker 3: Because my husband, my husband said he knew.
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Speaker 5: I know.
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Speaker 2: I knew. I knew so fast that when I call
16:25
Speaker 2: to tell him my new Dre's like, bro, what you
16:26
Speaker 2: mean you just got out here?
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Speaker 1: You just got free Wait a second, breathe look around,
16:31
Speaker 1: go shopping, check it out.
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Speaker 2: I was like, no, I already know. It's just a
16:35
Speaker 2: matter of time.
16:36
Speaker 1: I went and told her grandfather, Hey, I know you
16:38
Speaker 1: see me spend a lot of time with your granddaughter.
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Speaker 1: But the truth is I have every intent to marry
16:43
Speaker 1: her unless she does something stupid. And he said, she
16:46
Speaker 1: won't do nothing stupid.
16:48
Speaker 4: It's been a great session with the fower couple of
16:50
Speaker 4: the Glens. You can pick up some of their books,
16:52
Speaker 4: and how could they do that faster, Jamon, because you've
16:55
Speaker 4: got many books that folks can read.
16:56
Speaker 2: Now, go to jermoon Glen dot com. You can get
16:58
Speaker 2: out there.
16:59
Speaker 1: Uh, and that's where it's good for you at Just
17:01
Speaker 1: go there jermal Glenn dot com. Follow us on social
17:04
Speaker 1: and yeah, hopefully we say something that helps you have
17:07
Speaker 1: a perspective. But remember this, the choice is yours. Are
17:13
Speaker 1: you waiting or are you dating? Just because you're un
17:18
Speaker 1: married doesn't mean that you have to be what the
17:20
Speaker 1: other person wants from you.
17:22
Speaker 2: You can decide.
17:24
Speaker 3: Now, that's wisdom, all right.
17:25
Speaker 4: Make sure you check out the podcast, the iHeartRadio app
17:28
Speaker 4: relationship Dog Thursday, or on the website Inspiration thirteen ninety
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Speaker 4: dot com