Latest / Minnesota Masonic Histories and Mysteries / Episode 96. Charity = Love (ft. Brian Beermann)

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Episode 96. Charity = Love (ft. Brian Beermann) · Minnesota Masonic Histories and Mysteries

• 0:00
  I read something recently that I want to get your thoughts on.
• 0:04
  Years ago, I was at a conference where a former US undersecretary of defense was giving a talk.
• 0:11
  He was a man who'd held one of the highest offices in the country.
• 0:15
  Responsible for thousands of lives and billions of dollars.
• 0:19
  He stood on stage, but his story wasn't about power or strategy.
• 0:23
  It was about a cup of coffee.
• 0:28
  He told us about the first time he attended that same conference while still in office.
• 0:33
  He flew for his class.
• 0:34
  Someone met him at the airport, carried his bags and escorted him to the venue backstage.
• 0:41
  Before he spoke, someone handed him a cup of coffee in a beautiful ceramic mug.
• 0:46
  He was treated with deference, respect, even a little awe.
• 0:51
  He was after all the undersecretary of defense.
• 0:55
  A few years later after he left office, he was invited back to the same conference.
• 1:01
  This time he flew.
• 1:02
  Coach no one met him at the airport.
• 1:05
  He carried his own bags.
• 1:07
  When he arrived backstage, he asked for a cup of coffee.
• 1:11
  Someone pointed to a coffee machine in the corner.
• 1:15
  He poured it himself into a paper cup.
• 1:21
  He paused, looked out at the audience and said, the ceramic cup was never meant for me.
• 1:27
  It was meant for the position I held.
• 1:30
  When I left that position, they gave the cup to the next person.
• 1:35
  The perks, the attention, the respect, their not, not for us.
• 1:40
  therefore the seat we temporarily occupy.
• 1:45
  That story resonated with the author because it's so easy, especially as you climb the ladder to start believing.
• 1:52
  The perks are a reflection of your worth.
• 1:56
  The corner office, the fancy title, the invitations to speak.
• 2:01
  They feel good, but they're not really for you.
• 2:05
  Therefore, the role you play, the responsibility you carry.
• 2:11
  The real test of leadership is what you do when the perks are gone.
• 2:16
  When you're pouring your own coffee into a paper cup, do you still show up with humility?
• 2:22
  Do you still serve?
• 2:24
  Do you still care about the people around you even when there's no applause?
• 2:28
  His His story reframed leadership as stewardship, not status.
• 2:35
  It reminded the author that the job of a leader is to serve the people and the mission, not your ego.
• 2:43
  The perks are fleeting, the impact you have on others.
• 2:47
  That's what lasts.
• 2:50
  Since then, whenever the author finds himself enjoying some privilege or recognition, he tries to remember that ceramic cup and asks himself.
• 3:00
  Am I using this moment to lift others up, or am I just enjoying the view?
• 3:05
  Am I building something that will outlast me?
• 3:09
  Or am I just collecting perks that will disappear the moment I step aside?
• 3:15
  The best leaders I know are the ones who never forget the paper cup.
• 3:21
  They're the ones who give away credit, take responsibility, and serve quietly, even when no one's watching.
• 3:29
  They know that leadership is not about being in charge.
• 3:32
  It's about taking care of those in your charge.
• 3:37
  So the next time you're handed a ceramic cup, remember it's not about you.
• 3:43
  It's about the people you serve and the legacy you leave behind.
• 3:48
  And maybe just maybe the real mark of leadership is how you act when you're holding the paper cup.
• 3:58
  Well, that's very insightful.
• 3:59
  Obviously.
• 4:00
  It's, it's really the way that life works as you know, because there's a lot of commonality that we have as humans across every place in the world, whether you're in Europe or whether you're in Australia.
• 4:15
  South people are the same, essentially.
• 4:17
  And the bottom line is that whoever said that, that thing that says, and I'll paraphrase this, it isn't what you said.
• 4:28
  It's what you do that people remember.
• 4:31
  And I think when you're in the position that I held and that I held for the, for the period of time, it was a privilege to serve.
• 4:40
  And I never forgot that.
• 4:41
  And I don't think.
• 4:42
  I don't think that anyone who serves there thinks otherwise.
• 4:47
  This really is a great fraternity that we have, but it's really a bunch of really good people.
• 4:55
  We're all traveling this plane, we're traveling it together.
• 5:00
  We're working the same thing, but we're all imperfect beings.
• 5:03
  It's an imperfect world.
• 5:04
  We're imperfect beings and we wanna be better tomorrow than we were today.
• 5:09
  That doesn't change.
• 5:10
  No matter where you are within the ranks in this fraternity, it doesn't change because you've got a title and I hopefully to personalize what you just said.
• 5:21
  I hope that I always kept that.
• 5:26
  I do know that when you step away from that position, much like what occurred to the gentleman who who had that speech, there's a certain point in time where suddenly you realize, I am not the focal point and.
• 5:41
  I think everybody experiences that and it's not necessarily a shock.
• 5:47
  It's exactly what is intended.
• 5:49
  As I had earlier said, Reid, we get to carry this beautiful glass ball.
• 5:55
  It's a big heavy glass ball covered in oil.
• 5:59
  We get to hold onto it for a year.
• 6:01
  We put it out in the sun and the oil makes it glisten and it's beautiful and it's heavy.
• 6:06
  And our job is not to hold that ball forever, to hold its warmth absorbing the sun and transferring that to us.
• 6:14
  Our job is to hand it to the next person on Broken in Lodge.
• 6:19
  That's, that's what we do here at Masonry in, in places of leadership.
• 6:25
  doesn't change whether it's your home lodge or here, and it really is a nice metaphor for anytime you're in a leadership position, if you're chairing a, a business.
• 6:37
  Committee, if you're working as you, you know, I brokered agents.
• 6:41
  If you're working with people, you have to remember that people are people and you hope that you can guide'em to do the best they can do within that day.
• 6:53
  But at the end of it, you pass along the wisdom that you can and you hope that it stays when you're finished with the leadership position.
• 7:02
  It's really gratifying to get the call that says, you know, I'm wondering what to do with this.
• 7:08
  How can I do this?
• 7:09
  I just had a conversation with somebody and they, they were kind enough to invite me to participate in the third degree, and I'm like, it's a privilege really for me to be able to come down and help out with these things.
• 7:22
  And, and I hope I look at all life that way, You've been a Mason since 1992.
• 7:29
  Honored to have served as Grandmaster of Masons in Minnesota 2012 to 2013.
• 7:34
  Member of Ms.
• 7:35
  Polo Number 1 91 in South St.
• 7:37
  Paul as were your father and grandfather.
• 7:41
  You served the Lodges Master in 1997.
• 7:44
  St.
• 7:45
  Paul Valley of the Scottish, right.
• 7:46
  You've served in many capacities, coronated, a 33rd degree Inspector General Honorary Osmond Shrine, Royal Arch Masons St.
• 7:54
  Paul Council.
• 7:56
  It's a long list.
• 7:57
  St.
• 7:57
  George Conclave the Red Cross of Constantine.
• 8:00
  served on many committees, proudly served as a past chairman and member emeritus of the Board of Custodians and a director and participant in many degrees throughout the state.
• 8:10
  Brian Bierman, welcome.
• 8:12
  Thank you, Reid.
• 8:13
  I know you really enjoy the comradery and friendships formed over the years traveling on that Masonic highway.
• 8:20
  You shared with me that line of our ritual that states Mason reunites men of every country, sect and opinion and conciliate true friendship among those who might otherwise have remained at a perpetual distance.
• 8:37
  How true it is, as you said.
• 8:41
  Where else would you find so many diverse and interesting people meeting on the level and enjoying so many fun evenings and activities stimulating and thought provoking discourse?
• 8:53
  You and your lovely wife Jacqueline live in Inver Grove Heights with your mother, Linda, your son.
• 8:59
  Look at the legacy at the lodge.
• 9:00
  Your son's a pass master of mpa number 1 91 Lucas seven grandchildren.
• 9:05
  How chaotic are holidays with seven grandkids?
• 9:09
  We don't buy gifts anymore.
• 9:12
  We do experiences.
• 9:13
  So this year we, we will go to the waterpark with the kids for a couple of days before we leave town for the winter.
• 9:20
  And it's, it's really the blessing of all.
• 9:23
  I mean, you, you, you, for me, it's the blessing to have the grandchildren.
• 9:30
  What can you say?
• 9:31
  You, you get to try to correct the mistakes you made as a parent and you're so much smarter when you're older.
• 9:37
  And, but what I, I will tell you one of the other things I did in Masonry is I was a Rainbow dad for Rainbow Girls.
• 9:43
  Mm-hmm.
• 9:44
  And I would work with guys at Lodge.
• 9:48
  Forever to get them to learn a part for a degree.
• 9:52
  And they'd show up and sometimes they'd have it down, some, sometimes not.
• 9:57
  And, you know, that's, that's the way it works, right?
• 9:59
  But those girls would work so hard, really.
• 10:02
  And the parents would say, Archard believe she missed that word.
• 10:05
  And I'd be like, they, that was awesome.
• 10:08
  They did this great.
• 10:09
  They were terrific.
• 10:10
  And that's when I realized that when you're a parent, you're in the hurricane.
• 10:16
  When you're not, you're a step away.
• 10:19
  And you get to see it from a whole different perspective.
• 10:21
  And I think that's one of the blessings of grandchildren.
• 10:25
  And if you can always remember to step away a little bit and just look at what the great things are.
• 10:31
  There's just so many.
• 10:32
  Look out here out here.
• 10:33
  We're out here at the home today, and we're looking outside at this.
• 10:36
  Beautiful, it's, it's a chilly fall day.
• 10:38
  It's not a cold day, but it's a nice fall.
• 10:41
  Look how beautiful it is out there.
• 10:42
  It's just, just wonderful, this wonderful campus.
• 10:45
  We're, we're surrounded by blessings and just like everybody else, believe me, it's not what I'm seeing every time I look out the window.
• 10:54
  Right.
• 10:55
  True.
• 10:56
  And that's why I say if you step back just a little bit, you can see that beautiful sun and the, the blessing.
• 11:01
  That's my hope.
• 11:03
  Do the kids ever rec accuse you of being softer as a grandparent than you were as a parent?
• 11:09
  Is is that a thing?
• 11:13
  Not me.
• 11:14
  No.
• 11:14
  Never.
• 11:15
  I, I do remember once, many years ago, Luke looked at me and he said, oh my God.
• 11:21
  you would've never let me get away with that.
• 11:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:23
  And of course my response was, and I still wouldn't, but, but Addison de can do that all day.
• 11:30
  Yeah.
• 11:30
  It's okay for the grandkids though.
• 11:32
  Yeah.
• 11:32
  That is the way it is.
• 11:34
  I'll tell you what, what, I had a couple of the kids at the grocery store one day, a couple of grandkids when they were real little, and now they're a little older, Addison's 18.
• 11:42
  And anyway, they must have been, they were young enough to be in a cart, okay.
• 11:46
  Reaching for stuff and fun age.
• 11:49
  I get this look from a lady, and I, and I, I know that look right.
• 11:55
  And so I looked at her and I go, oh, his daddy would've never got away with that.
• 12:00
  And she looks at me and she goes, oh, I know exactly what I mean.
• 12:03
  And suddenly she was just all smiles, you know?
• 12:06
  How did you meet Jacqueline?
• 12:07
  Well, we grew up in the same town, and I, I, I knew Jackie, We were away at a weekend getaway one time and spent two or three hours chatting.
• 12:19
  And then, uh, I like to say that she fell in love with my Harley and that was good enough for me at the time.
• 12:26
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:26
  It works.
• 12:27
  And, uh, uh, she, she and I have been together since, I guess roughly the end of 79, 80, right in there.
• 12:37
  Wow.
• 12:37
  So she, she's, we shared a number of years and we got married in 1986 and she's a bad shot, so I've managed to stay on my two feet.
• 12:47
  Nah, I love that woman.
• 12:48
  That's the problem.
• 12:49
  You know, it's a problem, but it's like the best thing ever.
• 12:52
  It's the best problem ever.
• 12:53
  Yeah.
• 12:53
  There, there really is.
• 12:54
  No, there's no problem.
• 12:56
  You would rather have in life, you know that, You know that.
• 13:00
  Yeah.
• 13:00
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:01
  Your brother-in-law.
• 13:02
  Scott Rich, I don't think everyone knows that Well, he didn't warn me off of Jackie, and I have always held that against him a little.
• 13:10
  Okay.
• 13:10
  But Scott, of course, is a year younger than me.
• 13:12
  Went to school together, very quiet, studious.
• 13:15
  Ran.
• 13:16
  Ran cross country, joined the Marines.
• 13:18
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:19
  Ran in the Marines also, by the way, lived in Hawaii and was stationed there for most of his marine career.
• 13:25
  And one of my little s about Scott that nobody knows, and I'll tell this one this, I promise Scott, I'm not gonna tell all, but I'll just tell this little one.
• 13:33
  One.
• 13:33
  We were hoping for at least one Good one.
• 13:35
  Yeah.
• 13:35
  No, no, no.
• 13:35
  This is, I don't even know if it's that good, but one of my favorite little Scotties, I said to him one day, I go, how come you and Amy never went to Hawaii?
• 13:41
  And he goes, Brian, if you lived there a couple years, there's nothing for you to see.
• 13:45
  You know, you'd ride the motorcycle for an hour, you'd be done.
• 13:47
  And I'm like, okay.
• 13:49
  if Hawaii is too good for you, kid.
• 13:51
  You know, I knew someone who lived near the Rocky Mountains and I, you just get used to your surroundings.
• 13:56
  Of course you do.
• 13:57
  It wasn't, it was just, oh yeah, it's just a whatever.
• 14:00
  But seriously.
• 14:00
  But as you said, we're looking out on the campus of the Masonic home today.
• 14:04
  Beautiful fall day.
• 14:05
  It's not the Rocky Mountain.
• 14:06
  How do you get.
• 14:07
  sort of desensitized to that or Hawaii.
• 14:10
  I, exactly.
• 14:11
  That's what I, by the way, I'll tell you a quick, funny Jackie related story and you can edit it out later, but we're in Sedona.
• 14:18
  A couple years ago, my brother-in-law bought a place down to Phoenix.
• 14:21
  We were out in Sedona.
• 14:22
  We'd go there in the wintertime and we're sitting up by the airport, which is where the Masonic Lodge used to be.
• 14:27
  And it was a great lodge.
• 14:28
  Red Rock Lodge.
• 14:29
  Good guys.
• 14:30
  One of the blessings of Masonry is Masonic visitation.
• 14:34
  but up at, up at the airport in Sedona.
• 14:37
  And if you've been to Sedona, you might know that.
• 14:39
  And if not, Sedona sits in the middle of this beautiful Red Rocks and it was snowing and.
• 14:46
  It was Christmas time and the red rocks, and the green Pines and the snow.
• 14:51
  And I'm standing up there with Jackie and she looks at me and she says, and remember the first time we were there on a motorcycle was probably 1980, so we're talking Oh, at least 10 years ago.
• 15:02
  It's been a minute.
• 15:03
  Yeah.
• 15:03
  Yeah.
• 15:04
  And she says to me, do you remember the first thing you ever said to me when we were in Sedona and being the, you know, cognitive and, and caring husband that I am?
• 15:15
  I'm thinking this is a trap, uhoh, uh, I got no shot.
• 15:19
  And she says, you said, I wonder how many times and how many times you'd have to look at this before you said, oh my God, it's so beautiful.
• 15:28
  Before you didn't say that every time you looked.
• 15:30
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:31
  And I was like, oh, yeah, I was very insightful.
• 15:33
  Then I, I get that.
• 15:34
  But you know, that's that same thing.
• 15:35
  You know, you, it's so beautiful.
• 15:37
  And I wonder how many times or how long you'd have to live there before you didn't see that every time you looked.
• 15:42
  Yeah.
• 15:42
  You know?
• 15:43
  Yeah.
• 15:44
  Anyway, good metaphor for life.
• 15:46
  Now I'll tell you this.
• 15:48
  In all seriousness, Scott is a wonderful man, terrific.
• 15:52
  very talented and I'm, I know that if he goes through this progression that he's in and, and becomes the, in that position, he will do a wonderful job.
• 16:01
  He cares.
• 16:01
  He's got a heart the size of Texas and, and he's a good administrator on that side too.
• 16:07
  There's, I just, Scott is terrific and he'll be 20 times what Brian Bierman hoped to be.
• 16:16
  When you think back of being in the progressive line on the cusp, maybe even a couple years away from becoming grandmaster, what would you tell yourself at that time that you know now?
• 16:29
  Well, there's some things that immediately come to mind, and I think I'm used to being a decision maker and say, and making quick and decisive moves.
• 16:43
  And I think that if I were going to look back, and this is one of the things that you learn, is to be more thoughtful, take advice from other things, don't react.
• 16:55
  A lot of times reaction is how we, you have to be in many situations, but this, the fraternity is so much of how it operates and the important pieces of how we treat each other are contained in even in the code.
• 17:15
  Various Masonic rituals.
• 17:17
  And when you step away from that, that's the ones that you regret.
• 17:21
  And when you aren't thoughtful and you are reactive, you, I think, I hope that I'm better than that.
• 17:31
  But you know, as, as I've earlier said, we're we're destined to walk through making mistakes and, and hoping to be better the next time we do them.
• 17:42
  But I, I think that's probably the best advice if, if that makes any sense.
• 17:46
  And you can edit that little bit out at the end.
• 17:47
  'cause I hope it does.
• 17:50
  I like the glass globe analogy.
• 17:54
  your job as a leader, whether that's in lodge or in your corporate job or wherever apparent, is to hold onto that globe and pass it on to the next person.
• 18:07
  I feel like a lot of officers, elected officers within any lodge, anywhere have this self-imposed pressure that they have to do something of a Super Bowl level of rockstar status in order to leave it in a better place than it was to pass that glass glove.
• 18:29
  There's a lot of.
• 18:32
  I guess it's natural that we would get that maybe a complex than thinking that I have to do something so much more grand than the guy before me.
• 18:40
  But it, it's more about maintaining, not status quo, but of consistency, of leadership, of support, of making the tenets of what we stand for come to life.
• 18:53
  A lodge culture, the lodge experience.
• 18:55
  What else is your take on that?
• 18:56
  Or how, how did the Glass Globe analogy come to be for you?
• 19:00
  I'm not real sure.
• 19:02
  it's what I saw and it was, it made sense to me, and so hence I've used it and I, I'm not certain it makes sense to everyone, but I, I understand it and, and, and it's easy for me to communicate, but in a bigger picture sense for advice that I would give to people that were coming through is a.
• 19:21
  You have to, the thing that I see, let me, let me, let me back that up just a little bit and say this, what I tend to see where people get into pressurized situations that they don't, that and, and outcomes that they don't, that wasn't their intention in the lodge sense and, and everywhere really, is that they failed to be collaborative.
• 19:43
  So one thing that I learned now, for instance, David and I, Dave Olson.
• 19:49
  Now Dave was my boss on the board of custodians.
• 19:51
  Okay.
• 19:52
  And let me tell you, David has a different skillset than me.
• 19:56
  And I was pretty young and, and cocky to say better about my ritual and about how I could handle putting a degree together and this, and meanwhile Dave kept and that, so he got appointed, uh, behind me and I thought, oh man, I'm gonna have to work with this.
• 20:12
  And it turned out we just had a great relationship.
• 20:14
  I love David so much.
• 20:15
  And, and by the way, I, Dave, I hope you're listening and I hope you're doing great and.
• 20:20
  It's, it's, it's so great when you get a chance to get out.
• 20:24
  You know Dave, love you, Dave, but you have to be collaborative.
• 20:30
  And what I'm going to say is that while you are going through the progressive chairs, talk to your brethren.
• 20:39
  Everything is not broken.
• 20:42
  Some things should change and adjust.
• 20:45
  The tenants and the things that make Lodge great should stay the same.
• 20:49
  But you need collaboration and you need to have buy-in, and you need to have people willing to help.
• 20:55
  Now, Masonic leadership, and this isn't the case in all forms of leadership, in all places, you can do things differently.
• 21:02
  But in Masonic leadership, it's really important that you're the guy who's pulling the rope.
• 21:07
  You cannot push.
• 21:10
  And tell you, you don't tell people what to do.
• 21:13
  You have to show them what to do, and you have to have buy-in.
• 21:18
  That what we're going to do is have the result.
• 21:21
  So you can't look at it and say, Hey, I'm master.
• 21:24
  I'm gonna do this.
• 21:26
  And by the way, and this is, and let's say a, a worst case scenario or, or not optimum scenario, but a, a master who is dictatorial in front of you and is not being collaborative and you just need to continue to work with the people and anticipate that it will be your time to be this and to find out what they want.
• 21:48
  Because if you go in there with a whole set in a new slate and you go, here's how we're gonna change everything, right?
• 21:55
  It's not that you're necessarily gonna lose everybody, but you're there for a year and your objective is to hand it to the next person.
• 22:04
  And if they, if you don't have the buy-in there.
• 22:07
  It's not going to help.
• 22:10
  So the best thing is collaboration, I think.
• 22:14
  Sometimes we get so hyper-focused on what's right in front of us, that we lose perspective of things that thinking more long term are more important.
• 22:25
  As officers are going through the chairs and the stations, you really do have to be able to pivot a little bit.
• 22:33
  Absolutely.
• 22:34
  All change is evil.
• 22:35
  Read even good change, right?
• 22:37
  Why is that?
• 22:38
  I have very few mantras, but that's one of'em.
• 22:40
  Why is that?
• 22:41
  Why evil?
• 22:41
  Very few mantras.
• 22:42
  Yeah, I got a couple of'em.
• 22:43
  Okay.
• 22:43
  All right.
• 22:44
  I got a lot of'em, but here's the civil one.
• 22:46
  But all change is evil.
• 22:47
  We all even good change and, and guess what?
• 22:50
  Change is tomorrow is gonna be different than today.
• 22:54
  We're gonna be in a little different spot.
• 22:55
  There's gonna be something that's gonna happen and we have to be able to adjust and, and, and understand that it's not what happens to us, but it's what we do with what happens to us.
• 23:08
  And you're going to have pieces that don't fit together.
• 23:12
  But you can't keep, you can't take your eye off the big prize and you're a hundred percent right.
• 23:17
  If you get too myopic and you're only looking at what's in specifically in front of you, then you're not gonna be able to get where you want to go.
• 23:24
  You have to keep your eye on what's in front of you, but you have to keep your eye on the most important thing, and that's where, where you really wanna be.
• 23:32
  The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
• 23:38
  What are your thoughts?
• 23:40
  you can get to the point where you're refusing to take input from other people, and that's never gonna be good.
• 23:45
  another thing I've said a hundred times is there's, there's no point in having seven Brian Bermans in a room.
• 23:50
  You have to be willing to bring in disparate and different ideas and listen to what they are.
• 23:56
  It doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to change the position that you have.
• 24:00
  But you have to understand that the spectra is wide.
• 24:03
  And guess what?
• 24:05
  Somebody might have an idea to do something better than you, and they always will, or that it's not that.
• 24:10
  They always will.
• 24:11
  And it's not that we are always wrong, but people that I know and respected a number of fields that are not just here in Masonry, but outside as well, are people that are willing to accept that there is always a different idea and a different way to look and be collaborative and, and not to keep that as the theme, but I think it serves well.
• 24:32
  Does that answer your question or your inquiry?
• 24:34
  Do you think, can you think of a time either professionally or Mason where you were really struggling to collaborate to, to follow that mantra?
• 24:45
  Oh, of course.
• 24:47
  Lots good.
• 24:47
  Yeah.
• 24:47
  There's no, there's no way that it's easy to do.
• 24:50
  And, and there's, but how do yous, how do you get around that?
• 24:52
  There's resistance on all sides.
• 24:55
  And sometimes you, you just have to look at what's in front of you and keep moving.
• 24:59
  And going toward where, where you are.
• 25:01
  But yes, in business and in one thing I've learned in business, and I'm not sure that this serves anybody well, but if, if, if it's a problem going in, it's probably gonna be a problem all the way through.
• 25:16
  So sometimes you have to make your observations and move to the next thing.
• 25:21
  I think that's the same right here when you're looking at, if you're in the for instance that we had spoken of earlier, when you're a young officer going through the line and you think, Hey, why don't we try this?
• 25:31
  But you can't get buy-in from your lodge.
• 25:34
  Well, it might not be the way you wanna focus your year.
• 25:38
  Right?
• 25:39
  And so that's, that's a pretty good practice all the way around, you know, and face it.
• 25:47
  There's always some compromises that we have to make.
• 25:50
  I'm sure there's somebody out there who has made it through life without ever compromising on anything.
• 25:54
  And you know, you hear about these things.
• 25:56
  How about, you know, like no fear and all, there's nothing wrong with fear.
• 26:00
  There's, there's something wrong with letting fear stop you.
• 26:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:03
  And there's something wrong with stopping because somebody tells you to stop if it's something that's important to you, but there's more than one way to skin a cap.
• 26:13
  Now, I think that was Socrates.
• 26:16
  So sometimes you have to just look at a different option to get to the same place.
• 26:21
  This today, I, I said to myself, you know what?
• 26:25
  4 94 is such a disaster and you can't get off on a hundred anyway, take old shock.
• 26:30
  And then I was on the phone while I was driving, but I was hands free.
• 26:35
  I was gonna say again and not distracted.
• 26:36
  Good man.
• 26:37
  Good man.
• 26:37
  I, I keep my hands free going.
• 26:40
  And I drove past cedar and I went, oh dang, now I gotta remember to take a hundred.
• 26:44
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:45
  And then I was like, how do you do that these days?
• 26:47
  I don't even know.
• 26:48
  So I ended up, I can't tell you, it's, it's such a mess.
• 26:51
  So anyhow, the point is that to direct it back to where we came, sometimes you're on the highway, you're going the right way, but something changes along the way and you have to deal with it.
• 27:01
  That's what life is.
• 27:02
  We deal with all the problems, the changes, and the things that we have.
• 27:06
  And knock wood, it's not so serious that it, it's, it's a stopper.
• 27:15
  Right.
• 27:17
  Someone asked me recently if I had a suggestion on how they handle a tricky situation in lodge with a brother who's been going through the chairs, perhaps has been deemed may not be.
• 27:30
  Master if you're not a Mason, listening to this president of the lodge leading the way, and at first I thought about the installation ceremony.
• 27:40
  Some are meant to lead others amendment.
• 27:41
  And I thought, am I, is that just weaponizing the script?
• 27:46
  What would you suggest for someone in that It's a bit of a precarious position.
• 27:51
  Yeah.
• 27:51
  And I, I'm not sure that I've seen it handled well many times, but I think that whenever there's conflict in, in the situation and especially here, and the first discussion you really need to have that discussion with the person, and when I see that is really handled badly is when it's just, yeah, you're done and, and we move you out.
• 28:11
  We don't have that conversation up front.
• 28:15
  I recently came across somebody who had been treasurer for a number of years, and the lodge decided that he was in the way.
• 28:20
  So they just.
• 28:22
  Elected somebody else and didn't have the conversation with him.
• 28:25
  No.
• 28:25
  And brought somebody in now to take that back.
• 28:29
  There was a person in my lodge that I had butted heads with quite a bit when I was coming through it.
• 28:33
  He was very old school.
• 28:35
  Old school.
• 28:36
  I come from a lodge that was very closed.
• 28:38
  when I got involved with Grand Lodge.
• 28:40
  I always remembered this.
• 28:42
  We would have these meetings, the meeting after the annual communication after Grand Lodge.
• 28:47
  Mm-hmm.
• 28:47
  We'd have a meeting down in the basement.
• 28:48
  We'd talk about what happened.
• 28:50
  We didn't like what it was.
• 28:51
  We just said, ah, They can't tell us what to do.
• 28:54
  We had a lot of, we were kind of beehive pokers in that regard.
• 28:57
  Mm-hmm.
• 28:57
  I don't know that that's different for a lot of people, but you have to remember that's when it comes back collaborating.
• 29:03
  If you wanna make some changes and you want things to, to, to be there, you have to do it that way.
• 29:07
  So anyway, the point is that there was one brother in particular.
• 29:11
  I was complaining about it, getting dressed for a lodge meeting and complaining about it.
• 29:15
  My wife said something to me and Jackie, she said, that's right Brian, he's been a member of your lodge 40 years.
• 29:22
  He's been an officer of these things.
• 29:24
  And he's ran that, that program for so long just so he could be a pain in your side this year.
• 29:31
  And that really resonates with me in a lot of those situations.
• 29:36
  He's somebody who's been giving his time, honestly working and toiling toward in, in the directions.
• 29:42
  Change.
• 29:42
  Times change, things happen.
• 29:44
  We've got new people we.
• 29:47
  There is no job in Masonry that you were intended to do for life.
• 29:50
  Right.
• 29:50
  One of the biggest mistakes we see in, in different rights and different orders is the guy who's had this job for 40 years.
• 29:57
  Yes.
• 29:57
  'cause there's young people who would be just as good who should get a chance to do it, so don't be afraid to walk away from it.
• 30:02
  Yeah.
• 30:03
  But the other mistake is in not sitting down with the brother and saying, listen, you've been doing this for a long time and I know that you like doing the job, but we wanna try something new.
• 30:12
  And we were wondering if, how can we make this happen and how can we do it in a positive way?
• 30:17
  And yeah, it's not always gonna work, but you have to do your part to make it work and you have to accommodate those people.
• 30:25
  And the first thing when there's conflict is to talk to the parties that are involved.
• 30:31
  And by the way, if there's two, if there's a part, a two person conflict.
• 30:36
  In order to resolve that conflict, you have to talk to both sides.
• 30:39
  Yeah.
• 30:39
  Because you'll get one side of the complaint and you're like, my god, Jim Johnson, or you know, I shouldn't say Jim Johnson.
• 30:46
  It was also, by the way, I hope you're doing well, Jim.
• 30:48
  Love you dearly.
• 30:50
  Our friend Jim up in Deer River.
• 30:51
  So, so, but just, just to pick a name at any rate you can, what an evil.
• 30:57
  And then you hear the other side of the story and suddenly you start to see that there's different perspectives and perhaps different things.
• 31:03
  You can't just, You know, you can't just listen to one.
• 31:06
  So I don't even know if that answers your question'cause I don't remember question anymore.
• 31:10
  I have a small brain.
• 31:11
  It's a big world.
• 31:12
  Reid, I, that's another one of mine.
• 31:15
  It's about having the conversation.
• 31:17
  And not no surprise, it's not election night.
• 31:19
  You're not just gonna nominate someone because you can't have that awkward conversation.
• 31:23
  Yeah, that's how often do we see it happened?
• 31:26
  In my own lodge, Ken Hill was our secretary for literally 40 years.
• 31:30
  Over half of his life.
• 31:31
  God bless him.
• 31:32
  He, sir, he loved that role.
• 31:34
  And as many times as we occasionally tried to say, let's get you an understudy, let's just get an assistant.
• 31:40
  Mm-hmm.
• 31:40
  We're not pushing you aside.
• 31:43
  having someone else to know what's going on would be super helpful thinking, long-term perspective thinking with that infinite perspective of planning.
• 31:51
  And we do that with ritual too.
• 31:53
  Yeah.
• 31:53
  'cause we don't wanna offend John Doe who's done the third lecture since time immemorial, and then all of a sudden as you possibly do that.
• 32:03
  Yeah.
• 32:03
  So, well though, I, I'm just saying, you know, as a matter of fact, I'm, as the guy who does the middle cha, I, I do the middle chamber work in our, in our lodge Of course.
• 32:12
  And, and I do it because we have to.
• 32:14
  So one time I'm sicker than I really am, and it's a brother of another guy that's coming through, and I'm the only guy.
• 32:22
  And we were all set up for the second degree and I show, I, I literally took him aside.
• 32:26
  I'm like, listen, I'm probably toxic.
• 32:29
  I'm gonna be holding your hand.
• 32:30
  I want you to make sure that you have this with you to wipe your hands.
• 32:33
  And this was way before COVID.
• 32:35
  Years before.
• 32:35
  Okay.
• 32:35
  But you had like a bad head cold flu or something.
• 32:37
  Oh, I was just not, you know, I was, I, I, I had no business being there, but I, oh no, I, seriously, anyone listening, don't do this, but please continue.
• 32:46
  This is absolutely the bad thing to do.
• 32:47
  But I did it and we got through and, um.
• 32:51
  but hey, that is what happens here.
• 32:53
  Here I am guiding this guy around, uh, because I'm the only guy that can do that.
• 32:58
  Mm-hmm.
• 32:59
  And I think that might be a piece of work that we have something, but you have to train your successor.
• 33:04
  Yes.
• 33:05
  And I, you know, and, and I'm, we're working on it continually at lodge, but I mean, for years that was, that was the job.
• 33:12
  And we see it very commonly, especially with ritual work.
• 33:18
  What's a truth?
• 33:20
  Everyone should accept, even if it's uncomfortable.
• 33:26
  I think that's, that's a really great question.
• 33:30
  And of course there's so many, but my personal, I'll tell you this, there's, especially when we look at the, the, for lack of a better term, the political landscape today and the way that people treat each other, you know, um, in the 32nd degree, there's an old lecture and it says to you, but we must accept men that we, the way that they are.
• 33:53
  We must not presume all, we must not think of all men evil, because then we'll be the only, we'll think we're the only good.
• 34:03
  And we have to be willing to accept that we are made as we are.
• 34:08
  We have differences of opinion, we have differences of things, and we have to accept the total, the total package here in our fraternity.
• 34:19
  We have men, as you earlier alluded in the, in the remark, we, we unite men of every country sect an opinion and conciliate true friendship among those who might otherwise have made it a perpetual distance.
• 34:30
  Mm-hmm.
• 34:30
  That's a wonderful synopsis of something that we do, but we have to understand that within the fraternity we have people that think one thing and people that think another, and we have to accept that this is the way that life works.
• 34:46
  You know, I had a friend many years ago who talked to me about the idea of religion and belief and how it fits in, and he said the measure of a man, the revelation.
• 35:00
  This is something that I've said for years in different forms, and I'm paraphrasing it, but his basic treaties to me was the revelation of God to man.
• 35:11
  Not, I'm not talking about Sunday school and children going to church and learning the catechisms.
• 35:16
  What I'm talking about is the true revelation of God in a man's heart is highly personal and extraordinarily important and we don't get to do it the same for our friends, our neighbors, even our family.
• 35:33
  It's too important and too personal and I've always accepted that and it helps me to understand that different people can be good people and think differently.
• 35:48
  Yes.
• 35:49
  And we have to accept that or we, we'll be standing all alone.
• 35:56
  I think we not only have to accept that, but we have to get out of our own way.
• 36:02
  That great line we both have mentioned now the Conciliated true friendship.
• 36:06
  Yes.
• 36:07
  It's something we say.
• 36:09
  It's an excellent thing to aspire to, but are we doing it?
• 36:14
  Are we at least trying to do it?
• 36:16
  Yeah, because the, the young men of today, when I say young, I'm talking 27 to 45.
• 36:22
  Those kids, those kids joining a Masonic lodge or their, the, their pursuit of learning more is based on the promise of that experience, providing a real comradery, a true brotherhood, an opportunity for personal development, building community that resonates really, really strongly with a young man of today that feels isolated in this world of doom scrolling and, and screen rot and all the rest.
• 36:53
  And it's hard to answer the question from a new mason who hears that that specific lecture of the entered apprentice degree delivered.
• 37:05
  Maybe word perfect by some exceptional ritualist and that same guy who is very moved by that and so excited about the experience, then witnesses that same brother on social media, acting like a conflict entrepreneur who is posting, arguing with strangers, being divisive.
• 37:23
  And I don't want to get into the whole first Amendment thing.
• 37:26
  You can post whatever you want to do.
• 37:29
  But that said, you are a representative of an organization that is really trying to add less static to the world and more signal, more of putting what we espouse to be as action words and not just platitudes.
• 37:45
  'cause if all this, if all of this is, is platitudes that we don't even try to live up to, that's not a, a sustainable model.
• 37:53
  And I can tell you that, first of all, that's absolutely correct.
• 37:57
  and what I will say is that I have also, we.
• 38:01
  We're, we're here to destin to fail.
• 38:04
  I have also been participating in that at some point.
• 38:08
  And, and in fact, I, I play golf with my oldest dearest friend in the world, and we get into this whole thing, but Johnny and I have talked, Johnny is the brightest politic guy I know.
• 38:19
  He is a newspaper writer, and he gets, and he, and he's quite involved in it.
• 38:23
  It's, I try my hardest to let go, but he looked at me one day and he said, now you are becoming the very person that you are railing against because whatever side of the, of the aisle you're on, if you're viewing the other person as the evil.
• 38:42
  You're as guilty as they are now.
• 38:45
  It's not necessarily directly applicable here, but it was a nice and wise observation, and I really work hard not to be that person.
• 38:53
  But that being said, I will tell you this, one of the most, one of the truisms that I know, we all know the golden rule.
• 39:03
  Yes, we teach it as kids.
• 39:04
  We teach it to children, but it's not something for children, it's something for everyone.
• 39:10
  Do unto others as you would have them do unto yourself.
• 39:14
  The golden rule is an action item.
• 39:17
  It doesn't, it's not a reaction item, it doesn't say to you, do.
• 39:22
  Unto others as they have done to you.
• 39:24
  No, it says, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
• 39:28
  And it's just so perfectly masonic, and it's so perfectly the exact right antidote We must be better at understanding that they ha they deserve the same courtesy that we expect.
• 39:50
  And by the way, courtesy, you know, that's another item.
• 39:54
  You know how to be courteous, how to say thank you.
• 39:56
  How to say please.
• 39:58
  Just little things.
• 39:59
  Yeah.
• 39:59
  But gratitude.
• 40:00
  Well, simple is everything.
• 40:02
  Wow.
• 40:02
  Isn't gratitude.
• 40:03
  So easy to say and tough to do.
• 40:05
  Yes.
• 40:05
  And forgiveness.
• 40:07
  Yeah.
• 40:07
  Oh yeah.
• 40:07
  I work so hard to be forgiving for those things and.
• 40:13
  And to let go.
• 40:15
  I, I, I look at life very simply, and I'll, I'll tell you this.
• 40:18
  I, I look at, in a very simple sense, life is this way.
• 40:21
  There's things you control and things you don't.
• 40:23
  I get to control what I do and how I react and what I say.
• 40:28
  I don't get to control what everyone else does, and it's not easy to understand that, can I control another person?
• 40:35
  Could another person be controlled by other people?
• 40:38
  The answer is, of course, we know that there are instances, and that's the evil we fight.
• 40:42
  Mm-hmm.
• 40:43
  That is the exact evil we fight.
• 40:46
  We need to allow, if we can learn to let go of those things we cannot control and to hold onto the things that we do and to control those things that we do, it's so much simpler to live that way.
• 41:00
  again, imperfect beings on an imperfect plane.
• 41:03
  Yeah.
• 41:05
  Guess what?
• 41:06
  That's where forgiveness comes in.
• 41:08
  We, we look at things in Masonry and we look at things in, in, uh, the one I love to talk about is faith, hope and charity.
• 41:14
  Faith in God, hope and immortality, charity to all mankind.
• 41:17
  We understand that that's right from the Bible that, you know, that was in Paul's letter.
• 41:23
  It's interesting, and I'm not staring at it and I'm not a Latin scholar, that it was later translated in the, in the revised Kingdom version to love, as we know, right?
• 41:32
  Faith, hope, and love, because the word in Latin for charity and love were the same word.
• 41:38
  And we have to understand that when we, when we as Masons talk about charity and Minnesota Maan charities an easy call.
• 41:44
  What a great.
• 41:45
  What a great organization that has turned into from its humble beginnings and all of the difficulties in making these things work and putting these things together.
• 41:53
  And when can save these great successes and all the things we do in our lodge.
• 41:57
  We're doing the Taco feed, we're we're doing the Feed the backpack program.
• 42:00
  We got the bicycles and different lodges and all those different charities that we do.
• 42:04
  But love The heart of charity is that love that we extend to each other.
• 42:09
  And the greatest gift of love, brotherly love that we can extend is forgiveness and an understanding that we are in this together.
• 42:20
  And the true expression of forgiveness is a deep love.
• 42:25
  And it doesn't matter how big the hurt it isn't instant and it's a continuum.
• 42:33
  But that's the heart of where we need to be in my opinion.
• 42:38
  And I hope that I can live up to that.
• 42:40
  But it's not easy, like you said.
• 42:44
  But we keep looking for, as humans, this highly optimized, complicated, complex answer in the answers.
• 42:53
  While they may be difficult in pursuit, the golden rule is as simple and fundamental as it gets, it's an action item.
• 43:04
  It requires effort.
• 43:06
  Yes, you, it is due unto others as you would have them do unto you, not react to how others treat you.
• 43:17
  it's, it's a simple synopsis of a complicated yet fundamental idea.
• 43:26
  we're going down this path because it's a constant discussion in lodges.
• 43:31
  There's discord, there's infighting about social media, about differing opinions, half of the solution would simply be trying a little harder to be less antagonistic.
• 43:48
  Meet me on the level.
• 43:49
  Don't just just stop.
• 43:50
  We, we say all these words.
• 43:53
  There's such a call to action, to embrace it, to make the effort.
• 43:57
  We're never gonna be perfect.
• 43:58
  We're not expected to be perfect.
• 43:59
  Like you said, we're imperfect beings, but man, there's a lack of effort sometimes.
• 44:05
  Yes, we want to get the ritual as letter perfect as we can.
• 44:09
  We wanna make that great for our candidates, but are we living it?
• 44:14
  Are we.
• 44:15
  Pursuing a life mm-hmm.
• 44:17
  Of faith, hope, and charity and of the cardinal virtue.
• 44:20
  All, all of these just timeless things that cannot become platitudes.
• 44:24
  Right.
• 44:25
  Well, I will say that, you know, with specificity toward the Masonic order and Masonry in general, and we sometimes get tied up in the history and the meaning and the, and where did this come from and how did it originate, and all of these things.
• 44:44
  And the important piece of Masonic ritual is the application of the ideals of Masonic ritual and how do we apply them to our day-to-day lives.
• 44:55
  Those great moral duties, which are inculcated in it, and with reverence, practice and obeyed laws, it's always given us what we, what we want to do is say, practice out of the lodge those great moral duties, which are inculcated in it.
• 45:10
  That's the piece that is.
• 45:12
  That's the piece that I think is the most important.
• 45:15
  And certainly done my time studying all of those different ideas and the different, where did we originate and where do we go?
• 45:23
  But if we apply the lessons of understanding of love, of justice, fortitude equally distant from rashness and cowardice.
• 45:40
  Mm-hmm.
• 45:40
  All of those things.
• 45:42
  By the way, for a long time, every time I said temperance, I was like, yeah, forget about that giant.
• 45:48
  It happens, you know?
• 45:50
  And we all do, like I say, oh yeah, that's the, i, I stay a little imperfect just so that I can fit in.
• 45:56
  Thank you for chuckling about that.
• 45:58
  I, that was actually b chuckling Reid is giving, giving this look like I am not, would you please not?
• 46:04
  Could we stay on task?
• 46:05
  Brian, do you have siblings?
• 46:08
  I do.
• 46:09
  I have two brothers and neither of which are in the fraternity, but I wish both of them would be.
• 46:13
  But that's another story.
• 46:15
  Older than you younger?
• 46:16
  Both.
• 46:17
  I'm the middle child.
• 46:18
  Oh.
• 46:19
  So how do you, how do you think being the middle child shaped you?
• 46:25
  Well as you, are you a middle child, Reed?
• 46:28
  I'm the youngest.
• 46:28
  A youngest of three boys.
• 46:30
  Well, good lord, the baby man in the world.
• 46:32
  Yeah.
• 46:32
  It similar to my earlier question, my older brothers accused my parents of being just so easy on me.
• 46:37
  They had it way harder.
• 46:38
  Yeah.
• 46:39
  They're the, that's not an accusation.
• 46:40
  It's a fact.
• 46:41
  It's, it's true.
• 46:41
  I know my little brother too.
• 46:43
  I know.
• 46:43
  And but how did that shape you?
• 46:46
  It's interesting.
• 46:46
  I think that when you're younger, those things hit.
• 46:49
  I'm not sure how it does.
• 46:52
  I think that the older you get, the, the more your perspective changes.
• 46:57
  We all think of our upbringing.
• 46:59
  We go, here's the way that we would've been so perfect if right.
• 47:04
  my older brother, I love him dearly.
• 47:06
  I love to go visit him.
• 47:07
  He lives out in Connecticut, but I still remember the time he broke down the door and, and, uh, you know, uh, blamed you Oh.
• 47:14
  Beat the, you know, and, and, and I do remember all the times we'd blame our little brother and, you know, I mean, you have those things that happen.
• 47:22
  Those, I I think that somebody more attuned to this kind of thing could probably sit me down and get me to think about those things again.
• 47:30
  But I, I, I hope that I've gotten through that.
• 47:33
  And believe me, we talk about it all the time when we're kids, but I think it's, or when we're all together, you know?
• 47:39
  Yeah.
• 47:39
  Never forget those memories.
• 47:40
  Yeah.
• 47:40
  It, I will say, I'm glad I wasn't my older brother sometimes.
• 47:44
  You know, and I wish I were with my younger brother sometimes, and the, they're all always like, yeah, and you got away with everything because you were the one nobody, you know, it's a rotating focal point with the parents though.
• 47:55
  Yeah.
• 47:55
  You all do.
• 47:55
  You all do.
• 47:55
  You all do.
• 47:55
  Yeah.
• 47:59
  What life experience did you build up in your head?
• 48:02
  But were disappointed by this interview.
• 48:07
  No, sorry, what?
• 48:10
  What?
• 48:10
  I'm not gonna edit that out.
• 48:11
  Yeah, yeah.
• 48:12
  You will.
• 48:13
  You will.
• 48:14
  I, that would what life experience?
• 48:17
  Hmm.
• 48:18
  That's an interesting question.
• 48:20
  You built up, you were disappointed by, you know, I, I really don't know with specificity.
• 48:26
  I've been very blessed, really and truly.
• 48:28
  I think I will tell you that when we, I grew up in the rubbish business.
• 48:31
  My dad owned a rubbish company, put it together and at some point in time the discussion was, invest a bunch of money or resell it.
• 48:39
  Mm-hmm.
• 48:39
  And I will tell you, I was 25 maybe at the time, something like that, 24, 25.
• 48:44
  And, and I remember the discussion and I was like.
• 48:48
  I could work for this great multinational built, multimillion dollar company, or I could be part of this little thing and I'd have to invest, you know, four and a half million dollars and take on all this debt and blah, blah, blah.
• 48:58
  And well, there's a no brainer.
• 49:00
  I'm gonna go work for them.
• 49:01
  And I discovered that it turns out they got to be this great multinational company doing all these things and the waste business without my help.
• 49:08
  And they were perfectly pleased to let me know that on a regular basis.
• 49:12
  that experience caused me to really not be able to work in a corporate environment now, have been self-employed through most of my work career.
• 49:21
  And, and so I, I guess I think of that perhaps in that context.
• 49:25
  Mm-hmm.
• 49:27
  It was something I thought was going to be really wonderful.
• 49:31
  I can tell you that I, when we were in the, i, I was in charge of our recycling arm.
• 49:35
  This was in the nascent days of curbside recycling, working for the city.
• 49:39
  And I, I remember I got sent on a trip to Cleveland to, to observe what they were doing there.
• 49:45
  And I thought, I'm traveling for work, man.
• 49:49
  This is gonna be great.
• 49:50
  Big time.
• 49:50
  Wow.
• 49:51
  It turns out it's not that great.
• 49:53
  No, it's in fact really not great at all.
• 49:55
  So there's a, you know, of course there's a, it's kind of a punishment, depending.
• 49:58
  It's you when you get to the hotel room and you got six and a half hours and mm-hmm.
• 50:03
  You know, anyway.
• 50:05
  Yeah.
• 50:05
  No, not so there's, you know, a number of those things, but, hey, I've been blessed.
• 50:10
  I mean, really and truly.
• 50:11
  I, I, I think that phrase I've been blessed is overused, I agree.
• 50:16
  But yet I heard someone say recently.
• 50:20
  The golden years are now.
• 50:22
  Absolutely.
• 50:23
  And we keep thinking about the future we're optimizing for tomorrow.
• 50:27
  We're not living in today's moment, and we romanticize the past.
• 50:33
  We only remember those, which is good.
• 50:35
  We remember the, the good memories.
• 50:37
  But as I get older, I think about that, that what, what happened today.
• 50:42
  Mm-hmm.
• 50:42
  That we should all celebrate.
• 50:44
  Like you said, it's a beautiful day.
• 50:46
  Our conversation's coming full circle.
• 50:48
  When I think about as we age, our loved ones pass away.
• 50:54
  Tough things happen man, you think about some people and think, if I could just have a few more minutes together, or if, if only you think about, if only I had appreciated in the moment, what's a memory to me now is so dear and so close, and I'm really trying to do that.
• 51:16
  Every day, even if it's little and just seemingly so frivolous.
• 51:22
  Yeah.
• 51:22
  Find the joy in something every day.
• 51:25
  I think here's a little story that has nothing to do with Mac three, but has to do with me and, and again, I apologize for patting myself on the back, but you know, this is something I lived through and I took a lesson from it.
• 51:37
  But many years ago I was involved in a transaction and I think I earlier said something along the lines of, Hey, if it looks like it's gonna be bad, go and then move on to the next thing.
• 51:46
  Mm-hmm.
• 51:47
  And this one was, I had a problem with client and it was, he was, the guy was a jerk, period from the first go, and I was just the guy who was like, I'm, I can fix jerks, you know?
• 52:00
  Mm-hmm.
• 52:01
  I got this long story short payoff.
• 52:04
  A young woman called, and this was house was on the market for a while.
• 52:07
  I was trying to tell him what to do to get sold and he was refusing to listen.
• 52:11
  And finally.
• 52:13
  We put it to a price point and got an offer in.
• 52:17
  And this young lady comes in with this really, and does this great presentation with a really nice offer and everything was just like it should.
• 52:24
  And then my client just got into his total jerk mode and unload and screaming at her and used stupid little and dis oh and a jackass.
• 52:32
  Mm-hmm.
• 52:33
  And of course I'm like trying to think of the best way to handle it'cause I'm in my fixing mode.
• 52:40
  And I finally, I said, can you excuse us?
• 52:45
  This is, this doesn't happen today because we don't do things the same way we used to back in those days.
• 52:49
  But anyway, I said to her, can you please go outside?
• 52:53
  And, and I will talk to her and I, I can tell you that I was not always a patient person.
• 53:01
  And I said to him, basically, listen, you linky blank, we are done.
• 53:06
  I won't, you know, I don't want anything to do with this.
• 53:08
  And.
• 53:09
  And, uh, you were the root word, blah, blah, blah.
• 53:12
  And sent him on his way.
• 53:13
  And I went out and she was crying in her car.
• 53:16
  And I said to her, I go, come on in, have a cup of coffee.
• 53:19
  And I took a minute.
• 53:20
  Now this, I'm like, I say, I feel like I'm patting myself on the back.
• 53:23
  It's not my intention.
• 53:26
  And I just said, you did a really nice job.
• 53:27
  You did everything right.
• 53:28
  Sometimes that happens in the world.
• 53:30
  You do everything right and you're confronted with something that is out of your control.
• 53:34
  And I'm so sorry I put you in that position.
• 53:37
  But remember, you did a great job.
• 53:39
  Keep it up.
• 53:40
  Go flash forward, about three years, two, three years later, I was at a realtor function, and this young woman comes up to me and taps me on the shoulder.
• 53:49
  And this is the reason I remember the event, because she looked at me and she goes, do you remember me?
• 53:53
  And I said, you know, I see a lot of nice young women, blah, blah, blah.
• 53:57
  You know, I, I, and she said, I brought an offering on your house.
• 54:02
  And she went through this and she goes, I was sitting in my car crying and gonna quit.
• 54:07
  Everybody was telling me what a failure.
• 54:09
  And then I had this and it was the worst thing and I, and you took a minute and you said something nice and I'll never forget it.
• 54:16
  And I came back in and she was getting an award for being a producing agent and doing something really good.
• 54:21
  And she said, I just really want to tell you that I appreciate what you did.
• 54:26
  It was a half a minute of my time.
• 54:28
  It was just something that you do to somebody.
• 54:30
  Anybody in that situation I would like to think would do.
• 54:33
  I'm, I don't, you know it.
• 54:35
  not to look at and focus on the worst of these things.
• 54:38
  But there's so many times when we have that moment where we can do something really good.
• 54:46
  And I acknowledge that sometimes in that moment, I haven't done that.
• 54:51
  Right.
• 54:52
  And just as well, you could have that same person say, you were a jerk to me.
• 54:58
  'cause that one moment was a bad day for me, and that was a bad day for me.
• 55:01
  Let me clue you.
• 55:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 55:03
  And so.
• 55:05
  When I think about things that I would do differently, what I say is that in those moments that I would have to do an act of kindness that required very little effort on my part and had no benefit to me do it.
• 55:25
  This isn't the big giant, you know, intelligentsia.
• 55:29
  It's just, that's what I think I would like to be able to have back.
• 55:35
  I mean, my dad died in a car accident.
• 55:38
  I didn't get a chance to talk to him.
• 55:40
  You know, all of those things.
• 55:41
  Mm-hmm.
• 55:41
  Are all those people, you know, my mother-in-law got a, there was a woman of love.
• 55:45
  I, you know, all those people that you lose, would I love to have a chance to have one more minute.
• 55:51
  Of course.
• 55:54
  But you don't get to do that tomorrow.
• 55:59
  You'll have an opportunity to do something nice.
• 56:04
  Something good that has no benefit to you, but it's just an opportunity to say something nice or do something nice.
• 56:14
  You don't get to choose how anyone will react to that, but you get to choose how you will react to the situation.
• 56:23
  That's what counts.
• 56:27
  Brian Erman, I want to thank you for being our guest on Minnesota Masonic Histories and Mysteries.
• 56:34
  Well, as I like to say, there's no mystery to my history and hopefully the mystery of tomorrow will be the one that we can solve and work on.
• 56:44
  Take the lesson and move it forward.