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Dear Banya: Friday Night Lights · Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rat An iHeartRadio podcast.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Scrub a dumb a dumb.
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: That had like a sensual jazz tone to it.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I'm in my ovulatory phase, so I'm feeling a little
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: sexual and sensual today.
• 0:28
  Speaker 4: Oh great, Thank you so much for sharing with you
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: all of us.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: You're so welcome.
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, well prepared for that information, but I do
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: appreciate it.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Did I catch you off guard?
• 0:43
  Speaker 4: Glad to know where you are? In your face? Yes,
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: I think I'm ludial?
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, pre period, Yes, a little in your feels
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: uh not feels a little dark. I was a little dark,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: a little tired, very tired.
• 0:58
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: I also just got back from the Louisiana last night,
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: so I'm like very tired on.
• 1:02
  Speaker 4: Top of just ludial tired. She Oh that's rough. But
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: I'm so excited to be here with you. Are you
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: so excited?
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Want to talk about your trip to Louisiana?
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I went to Louisiana to see my nephew.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I if you are from the South, football is like
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: a culture in the South, Like it is like you
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: start him young, and it is game time from as
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: soon as they start flag football till they're you know,
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: beyond that. So I have four nephews and all of
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: them are in football, and I haven't I've gotten to
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: see a couple of them play here and there, but
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: they all play during the week, and this was the
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: last week that they all had a game when I
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: was there, so I was like, I'm just gonna head
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: out there and see them all play. So I got
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: to watch them all and it was so fun. My
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: sister Katie, she's my oldest sister. I'm just amazed by
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: what she does with five children. Honestly, it's the schedule
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: of getting the kids to school and then getting the
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: kids to practice, and she has a baby that's won
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: so she has a toddler that.
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: She's chasing around.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: I was like, I am exhausted when I've done a
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: couple loads of laundry.
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: It's crazy.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, seeing it first hand, I'm sure, because it's like
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: you can imagine it, but then seeing it first hand
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: takes it to a whole other level.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: We also, I'm one of five kids, but we were
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: all girls. We were four girls and a boy, so
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: we were like flipped that, so it's like the energy
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: is a little different. But also I was in it,
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: so I don't know what it was like being a
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: parent to it, but just thinking of the contrast of
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: my life and.
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: Like the things that exhausted really were put into perspective.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like you don't even know.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but she also is just like it's her, like
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: she loves it, It's what she wanted. So it's very
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: much just like, yeah, this is this is what this
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: is every day and I'm like, wow, so.
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: You never aren't doing these things.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty wild to like imagine, Like I feel
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: like trying to figure out my own schedule is challenging
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: in and of itself. Throwing in five other humans into
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: that mix is pretty wild.
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: Crazy, But it was.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: It was really fun and my parents droven so I
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: got to see my parents too, so it was great.
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: Good times. Got back last night and here we are.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: And you did you started celebrating your birthday.
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: Oh oh my gosh, thank you for reminding me.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: So that's what I'm here for.
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: Just so, when I flew.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: Into Louisiana, I got there at like eight at night,
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: and so normally the whole family comes to get me,
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Like it's really cute because like everyone's there at the
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: airport when when you land, and it was like my mom,
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: my dad, my brother in law, one of my nephews,
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: and then the baby Harlowe and the vibe was kind
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: of weird, and I was like, did something happen?
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: Is ever?
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: Like everyone was talking kind of.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Weird as they would as they would.
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: And I asked my mom. I was like, is everything okay?
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: And she's like, yeah, yeah, you know.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: So then I get to their house and I walk
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: in and it's like dimly lit and there's like the most.
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: Beautiful setup I know.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: So my sister and my mom are so talented and
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: like thoughtful and how they decorate and stuff. And it
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: was an early birthday celebration and she did it and
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: like it was inspired by love Shack Fancy and so it.
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: Was like bows and like it was just so beautiful.
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: It literally looked like a work event dinner. Yeah, it
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: was so pretty.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: It was so cul So they surprised me and then
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: they got me a gift. I'm really wanting to do
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: a gallery wall in my house of just like random pieces,
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: like things that mean a lot to me, So like
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: framed art frame like that I did that like paint
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: by diamonds thing, you know, and like.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Oh so just not like photos, like all different photos.
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: But then like I got this.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: I found this print that says Chateau mor Mom, which
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: is where Haley and I had like our drinks for
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: the first time. So I want to frame that, but
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: my mom and my sister got me a framed. It's
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: like the music for Hungry Heart, which is Hailey song
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: that she wrote about me. So it's like the framed
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: like uh music.
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: Sheet, so like the what do you call it? Like
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: the chords or whatever? No, so she had asked.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: I had told my mom that I wanted to do
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: a gallery wall, so they came up with doing like
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: the chords for or Katie called and asked Haley, what's
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: the song that means a lot, you know, a lot
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: to y'all, And Haley's like, well, I wrote this one
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: kind of.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: About us, so that makes me emotion.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: So it was really really special and if I felt
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: so loved because God look at me, I feel like.
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: They were. They was just so.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Thoughtful and nice and unexpected and it meant a lot
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: to me. So it was a really fun, special way
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: to kick off my birthday and my nephews couldn't believe
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: I'm thirty six.
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: So that felt nice too.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: That feels yeah, that's what they think you were twenty six.
• 5:54
  Speaker 5: Uh.
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: He's like, I go, oh, what do you think?
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: I was like twenty two, obviously kidding, and he goes, no,
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: like twenty like twenty nine.
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: I was like, okay, think I'll take twenty nine.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that is so nice.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: I know, it's really it was really really special. I
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: feel like my sister and my mom could have an
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: events company, Like if they lived out here, I would
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: hire them for so many things for like the things
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: that we do at home and stuff. Yeah, the dinners
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: you host alone at your home, you could really put
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: them to work.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Really could put them to work, because the aesthetic is
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: not my forte. The vibe and the food we got
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: that vibes and the food, but the decor is not.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: I'm not a green.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Thumb speaking of we had a very exciting time at
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: your home celebrating. We celebrated a party at your house
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: because you said yes to the dress.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I sure did.
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: Wow, she has got the dress.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: She's got she's got the dress. Yes, it was really nice.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: And you know, what's what I'm really like loving about
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: all of this is like there's something and I can't
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: even imagine what it's going to be like at my wedding.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: But that's like the one thing everybody says about your
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: wedding that's so special is like seeing all the people
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: that you love the most like together and every step
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: along the way. Because it was like the dress appointment,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: so I had you there, had Paulina there, my future
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: mother in law, my mom, and my sister, and having
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: you all there for that was like so special. And
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: then being able to like go home and have like
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: my dad and Robbie's dad and the kids and you know,
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: just like all of us together eating together, and his
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: cousin and his aunt. It was just like really really
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: special getting to just like see everybody interacting and like
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: you playing basketball with the boys and like them like
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: really bonding with you, and like, I don't know, just
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: like I'll never forget that night, you know. So I'm
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: just trying to like really like soak in all the
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: little moments because it's really really cool.
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it was really fun.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: I love his kids.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: They're so cute and they're so well mannered, and I
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: was so impressed because one of them came up to
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: your mom and he was like, Oh, I didn't see
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: you come in.
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: It's good to see you. And I was like, Oh,
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: how do you learn this?
• 8:13
  Speaker 5: That this?
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: I didn't know that they.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: Did this still, so it's such a testament to how
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: they're being raised and the kind of boys they are.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: So that's so I didn't know that.
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: That's really really cute.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: Well, like, now that you feel like you have the dress,
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: do you feel like because that's like that's the official
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: thing that we've said like yes to so far.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's like the thing that's the one thing
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: that everybody stressed me out about the most is the dress, Yeah,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: just because it takes so long to get it. You know, like, really,
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: you can get married tomorrow if you wanted to. I
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: mean not really tomorrow, but like you can you could
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: get married. Yeah, true. But it's like the dress is
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: the thing that takes the longest, right because everything else
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: you can kind of line up and you know, flowers
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: and decor and food you kind of like, you know,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: you can do closer to the date, but the dress
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: is the thing that you need like the most. Lead time, right,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: So that was what was like really stressing me out.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: So that was like a huge like check, you did it.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I did it well. And I'm really learning through this
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: process that I have. I'm very indecisive.
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: Do you have libra? Are you libra in anywhere? Are
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: you anywhere in your chart?
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know my chart. I'm just a cancer.
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I is not you know what's your tati.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Misstating?
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: Miss Tati is a fraud. I don't even know her.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Rising And now no, I'm coming there might be some libra.
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: Really, I have libracisive.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've never actually, no, I have been this way.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Like when it comes to dinner or stuff like that,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: I always defer really to like whoever. Yes, I learned
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: that in Chicago. Yeah, but I've never thought of you
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: as being that way. And until that trip where I
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, like I'll know what I'll eat, Like
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: I know what I know what I'm going to order
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: when I go there.
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you're decisive on.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: What you get once you're there, but making the decision
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: and like correct the general group decision, you're not going
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: to be the one to do it correct.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: And I don't think that's a great quality to have
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: because some may say it's very go with the flow
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: and very like chill girl, which is great, but also
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: indecisive is kind of annoying.
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: Well, it depends on who you're with.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: If you're with someone who's decisive, that being indecisive is
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: fine because they get to like lead the way. If
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: you're with another person who's indecisive, it's just in Chicago, yes, yeah,
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: and one of us has to step up. And that's
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: how Laura, my other best friend, is the same way.
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: So I'll be like, what do you want to do?
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: Like she comes to visit, I'm like, where do you
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: want to go? What do you want to do? And
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: she's like, I'm good for anything. And I'm like, but
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: I live here, what do you right? She's like, whatever,
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: you do anything, So you know, we just go.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Around the circles. Yeah.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: So anyways, well that's good to know going into wedding
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: planning because then you can be prepared for that.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I know. But I've like himmed in Hot a hundred
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: times about like bridesmaid dress colors and like it's like,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: just decide. It's really not that big of a deal.
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, No one cares about what dresses.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: They care about what dresses you guys are in.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: You won't, Yes, you do, you won't. Yeah, Like whatever
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: you choose is gonna be great?
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Or will it?
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: It will?
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: There was a moment where I was an Emerald Green,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: an Emerald Green bridesmaid bride. I was like, I'm not
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: an Emerald Green girl.
• 11:34
  Speaker 6: Yeah, You're really not, And I was fully there was
• 11:37
  Speaker 6: like a four day period where you guys were all
• 11:40
  Speaker 6: in Emerald Green.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: Well yeah, okay.
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: Well maybe maybe we passed some of those.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: Maybe you have two decisions and then you let like
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: paul I feel like Pauline is a good.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Decision making, good decision making, and let her be the one.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Well she she also was signing off on the Emerald Green.
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: So maybe I need to step again. It really practiced.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: It was like and even Sophia was like I love
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Emerald Green. I was like great, everybody was like loving it.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: And then I was like, I'm not an Emerald Green bride.
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: Have you ever worn Emerald green? Never seen a.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Green right now? Which is kind of weird? Is his
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: mom green?
• 12:17
  Speaker 5: Mom?
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: And what is this?
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: Jay?
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Uh?
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: I don't know, like moss mossy green perfect?
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: What I was going for but yeah, so I'm realizing
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: that about myself a lot in the past, Like i'd
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: say the past month, I've really been noticing it and
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: I don't love it about myself. So really going to
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: dig into that in therapy.
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: Well, it's like you almost have to start going.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: It's almost like you have to shift your mentality of
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: being decisive being a negative thing and being more like
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: if someone has an issue with what I'm going to
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: choose with my decision, then they need to speak up
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: about it.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's a little bit of people pleaser in me
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: because they totally because.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: You think it's like, oh, I'm I'm just being easy
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: for everybody. No one can like say anything like oh
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: I was difficult because I'm just going with the flow.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: Whereas if you just make a decision for me, if
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: someone's like this is what we're doing and this is
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: what time we're going, I'm like, I thank you right
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: for doing that.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: But it's weird. So I think that's what I think
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: my whole life, I've just been told like where to
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: be at what time and what to do? Do you
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like almost I don't want to
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: say show pony, but like a little bit like that,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: and my wedding is like fully my responsibility, I mean,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: me and Robbie, but it's like us, you know, and
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: so I'm like going into all these things of when
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: you do destination, like you feel really guilty about like
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: making people go somewhere, you know, and then you can
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: kind of go back and you're like, Okay, but this
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: is what we want, this is the vibe we want.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: We love it here. But then you let all that
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: other stuff creep in and it's like it is it's
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: all about people pleasing, and then it like makes you
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: feel very indecisive and like I don't like it. Anyways,
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: After this podcast, I'm gonna go home and I'm just
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: make some decisions.
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: That's right.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, A dear about them? Yeah, yes, thank you so firm.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: You can do it, thank you, And I don't feel
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: good to do it. I think it's gonna feel good too,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: because I've already decided I want you my bridesmaids, and
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: like cream, oh cream, what was it the color I
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: sent you?
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: Like the kind of light pale yellow?
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, cream, light pale yellow, yeah, water cream, butter cream, yes,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: butter cream. That's that's the bride. I am a butter
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: cream brid butter cream bride with my butter cream brides maids.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well I can't wait to see the butter
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: cream dressing it to You.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Can wear whatever you want.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Butter cream feels like a niche color to mine. So
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: byan decisiveness is about to flare up too, is it really?
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: No?
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: No, No, I'll be fine.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: I'm sure finding winding them and then dispersing the link.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, tell her to make a power point. Yeah, this
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: is what I envisioned.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: These are different options, everybody here, you go.
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: Well, I definitely will be needing a spread dance.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Before we go on to our dear Bonya. I would
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: like to acknowledge that it is a big birthday today.
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: Yes, it was yesterday, so I would.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: Like to I mean, it's just uh Becca and myself
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: and Emily in the room, so it's going to be
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: a bleak happy birthday. But nonetheless, we do we do
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: need to engage in the birthday songs. Yeah, every direction. Yeah,
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: so Emily take it away. Birthday here. Maybe let me
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: swing this over to you, so that's not dead air.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: Happy birthday to you, Happy ber dear bac.
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: Hap b birthday.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Did you make a wish.
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Wait, those were trick candles. They're supposed to like back
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: up the tricky.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: Way.
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: That's funny.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Hey, I got relight candles.
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: They're supposed to That means you can relight them.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Oh I thought they were tricks so that they were
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: gonna keep lighting back on fire. Dang.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: Shoot, I think they're just saying like, oh, you don't
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: have to you can use them again.
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: Oh I thought I have funny I know.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: I thought we're gonna have a really funny maha moment,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: and I just but.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: Instead you get to take those and reuse and reuse me.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Do you want to make another wind? Did you make
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: a good wish?
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: I mean a good wish you did?
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Do you want to make another one? I can relight those.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: No, No, I feel like rewishing on the same candle
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: as bad luck, even though you can relight it.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Are you superstitious like that you're doing now? Ever since
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Jenna and Joe, who am I?
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: I've imagined she would say don't take that on?
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: She did, she'd probably say don't don't take that on?
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And here I am too, tootooing my forehead.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Wowway, how was your back from Danny lifting you in
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: the Archer post.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie.
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: I feel great.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: I think he, if anything, was really uh giving his all. Yes,
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: And I'm no Whitney Carson, so I don't think it
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: was just a quick little jaunt up for him.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Whitney, I was rewatching the video of her laying down
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: and she had her back arch so much that I
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: was like, my body does not do that from the
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: ground the strength, So Danny.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Told me to stay stiff as a board. I think,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: or maybe it was just my leg.
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: I think it was your life.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: But you committed because your back looked like it was
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: had a rod in it.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: It must have been really hard for him. Huh.
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: He was like me nothing, because you're like thrust with
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: your hips. First.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: I watched this whole tutorial on it.
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: You just like literally use everything he had to like pull.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: You straight up, and I'm like, you can do Yeah.
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: You were just like you got it. Come on anyway. Anyways,
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: it's a Dear Bonny episode. We just wanted to give
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: a life update.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: But we're gonna take a break and then we'll we'll
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: be back with the Dear Bonya. Wow, all right, we
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: are back. So it's just it's Tanya, me Emily, and
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: we're all just it's a girl's girl's world.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Here, girl's world. It's a girl's world, and you're lucky
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: to be living in it.
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh.
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: I never I didn't sing you your song. Another year
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: has gone back and I'm still right by your side.
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: That was so funny.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: I'll never forget that, Tanya saying it till Laura on
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: the couch when she is visiting, and Laura goes.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, so.
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: This Dear Bonya is anonymous and the title.
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: Is Feelings for a best Friend.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: Hi, Bonya and Neaston, Mark and Easton need a ship
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: named too, but.
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: They're not here.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, longtime listener. I love the podcast and all of you.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: I have recently caught feelings for one of my best friends.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: It's a female friend and we are both queer. I
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: do not know whether these feelings are reciprocated, and regardless,
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: I have no intention to act on these feelings or
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: tell her how I feel. This is for a myriad
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: of reasons, primarily because I do not want to ruin
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: the friendship. My question is, how do you get over
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: someone you never even got to be with? Have any
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: of you ever experienced this. I've been trying to go
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: on dates with other people, and I hope that if
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: I meet someone new, the feelings will fait. But I
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: find myself comparing new people to her, and I get
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: really caught up in the what ifs. We have such
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: a deep understanding of each other, and every time we
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: talk or catch up, these feelings resurface. I'm worried too,
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: that if I get into a relationship that it would
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: be unfair to this new person if I'm not over
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: my friend. But I also feel like that may be
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: the only way to move on.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: My advice might be not what she wants, but I
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: think go for it.
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: I think so too, because guess what, spoiler alert.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: The minute she or you get into a relationship you relate,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: your friendship is going to change no matter what, right Like,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: That's just how it is, even in not not a
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: queer relationship, you know.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: I do think it complicates things a little bit when
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: it is women like it is women being friends like,
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: because there's no excuse unless her new relationship, the person
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: she's in a relationship with, knows that she had feelings
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: for this friend. Then it becomes a problem because a
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: person's like you can't go and like have slumber parties
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: someone that you had strong feelings for, but if they
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: don't know, like if she just keeps it buried down,
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: It's like that fine line.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: It does have an interesting element. It does because I
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: feel like with male and female friendships, if you have
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: a great if you are into men and you have
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: a male best friend, the minute you get into a
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: relationship that a male friendship is yeah, totally changes.
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: I mean, I mean, I'm not saying everybody.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: Some people might be able to make that work, but
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: typically it's like there's just a shift.
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: In the friendship.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like if you guys are tight hanging out every day,
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: like spoiler alert, you're not gonna hang out every day.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: But I agree, I think even if like take the
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: queerness out of it, if you were hanging out, like
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: I had a friend who was a.
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: Guy friend.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: He was one of my best friends, and he ended
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: up telling me he had feelings for me, and it
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: was just kind of like there was some space needed
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: to you know, move on from that and figure out
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: how to be friends after that information was shared. But
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: I think the ultimate thing was like I don't want
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: to lose this friendship. But I think it was important
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: that he told me how he felt, because if you
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: don't say anything, how will you ever know?
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: And you like the what is?
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: Could you imagine living with that?
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: What if that's what I'm saying? I mean?
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: And you might tell her and she she might be like, oh,
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: I feel the same way.
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: I was so scared. I didn't want to ruin the friendship.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: Or she might be like, you know what, I love
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: you so much, but I don't see you in a
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: romantic way, but take the space you need. And I'm
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: always like, we're always gonna be friends, you know. I
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: think it's just it's going to weigh on you and
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: eat at you if you don't say something.
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: So I say go for it.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because like, play out both sides the worst that
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: can happen, and she doesn't have feelings for you, and
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: then you never have to live in that what is?
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, then you can really move on because then you
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: don't feel guilty about thinking about what could have happened.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: And then the best case scenario, she feels the same way,
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: and then you could have the greatest love story of
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: all time.
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: Or she might be like, oh my gosh, I've never
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: I need some time. I've never thought of about it. Yeah,
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: and she thinks say that I do have feelings for you,
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: so I think you say something.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: I think you say something, and good luck.
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: Please report back.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do you want to do the next?
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: Next one feels girthy.
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: It's a sister in law wedding drama.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Which, oh, okay, let's see. My name is Patrick and
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: my wife, Jessica, is a longtime listener, and now I'll
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: also listen when we're traveling or just hanging out on
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: the weekend.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I am thirty three years old and my wife is
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: thirty one. My wife's sister is my age and is
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: getting married in September. My wife's sister, so his sister's drama. Oh, right,
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: before I start. My wife's sister, who is getting married,
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: can be a lot. She has an old time friend
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: that she has made her man of honor. I'm pretty
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: sure they had a fling before she met her now fiance.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: She's including him and all of the things. My wife's
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: other sister is the actual maid of honor, so no
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: one knows what this man's rule actually is. He's in
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: group text and making things uncomfy. By the sounds of it.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: By talking about getting drunk, et cetera. The bride invited
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: this guy to the bachelorette party that is taking place
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: over a weekend in Michigan. My wife is uncomfortable with
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: a straight male whom neither of us has met, going
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: to this bachelorette party where it was thought to be her,
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: her other sisters, and a couple of the bride's friends.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: It is understandable why everyone is uncomfortable with this situation.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I am uncomfortable with this random guy trying to get
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: super drunk around my wife and my sisters. Am I
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: being overprotective over my wife? Or should I tell the
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: bride he's got to go? Because this is very weird
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: behavior to have a guy that you might have had
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: a fling with be your man of honor. I also
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: think it's disrespectful to the bride soon to be husband.
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: Ooh, this is interesting.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: Patrick. I love you because you're a scrubber. This is
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: so not your place. What do you mean it's not
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: his place. It's his sister in law's wedding. If she
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: wants this man of honor, that's her call. It's not
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: his call. If his wife doesn't want to go to
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: the bachelorette because's uncomfortable. That's her call, that's her decision.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: He can't step in here. He's gonna be I think,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: not gonna be good.
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: I think if your wife is having an issue with
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: it and she doesn't feel comfortable going, I think that's
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: a conversation that she needs to have with her sister
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: so that there's just.
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: Boundaries set and there.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: It's like it's not coming from like the chain the
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: telephone game of like I feel uncomfortable, my husband feels uncomfortable,
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: so I'm gonna say this.
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: You know, it's more like I feel uncomfortable. I know
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: this is your.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Friend, but I don't really understand it's gonna be a
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: bunch of women celebrating you and bringing in a straight
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: man makes me feel a little bit like uncomfortable in
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: this situation. So I might sit this one out and
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: that will probably cause some tension and drama.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: It's also her prerogative, Yeah it is, but.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: I think it's both of their I think it's the
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: sister's prerogative. But I think if they're all sharing, like
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: are they getting are they getting a house?
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: Is it like that is taking place over a weekend?
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: It's a whole weekend, right, it's a bacherette weekend.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: They're going away and.
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: The house. Yeah, I don't know. How do you feel
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: like Robbie would think if you were?
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: If you if I'm I'm gonna invite Brad.
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: He's on straight though.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: True, that is true.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: Like, let's say you invited someone that you went on
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: a date a few dates with.
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: Or had feelings for.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: Who would that be?
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: I don't know one of your doctor screen time, doctor W,
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: doctor W. What would he do if you were like
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: I really want doctor W to be at my bachelorette party,
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: and I.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Just would never do that.
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: I would never do that.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is again it's the husband should
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: step in and say, hey, I don't want this bro
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: coming to your going to your bacherette. Like it's on
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: the husband, it's not on the brother in law.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: I actually guess, yeah, if the husband or current fiance
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: is okay with it, Yeah, I guess to each his
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: own CORECT maybe.
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: The open relationship.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: Like you don't know the inner workings of that. So
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: I say, Patrick, we love you, and we love you
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: so much.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: We love you so much, and we love your respect,
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: we love your concern.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: For the situation, concern, and we love you, but.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: I think this is for your sister and her sister. Yeah,
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: and that is for the groom and the bride.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta tap out, you gotta say.
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: I also agree that it's weird, right, it is very weird.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: I just couldn't even picture. I could not picture. I
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: couldn't picture it.
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: No, not even a guy that I went on dates with,
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: just like even a guy friend. I don't even have
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: any guys like Robert Graham. We always always go back
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: to Robert Graham. Imagine I invited Robert Graham to my
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: bachelor atte party.
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: That'd be uncle rule for.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: Many, right, right, But anyway, love you, Patrick.
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: Love you, Patrick. Good luck.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, we're gonna take a break and we have another
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: one coming and it's the title is seven year Relationship Ending.
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: Oh man, all right, we are back.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: So this one is from anonymous and it says, last week,
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: very unexpectedly, my girlfriend of over seven years told me
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: she wanted a break from our relationship. We've both been
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: going through a lot lately. We recently moved across the
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: country to a new city, and she's been struggling to
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: make new friends, on top of having to cut off
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: communication with her parents for their toxic behavior. For me,
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: work has been very stressful and has taken up a
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: lot of energy, and I feel completely out of my
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: comfort zone since moving.
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: Despite this, I thought we were solid.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: We've been through a lot together and we've always come
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: out of the other side closer and stronger. But last
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: week she told me she felt like something in our
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: relationship is missing and that we can't give each other
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: what we need. She feels like I don't fully understand
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: how difficult things have been for her and that she.
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: Can't lean on me.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: She asked for a three month break, but to me,
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: it just sounds like she wants to end things.
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: I am utterly devastated.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: I know I've struggled to be the best version of
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: myself lately, juggling work and adjusting to the move.
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: But I love her so much and there's nothing I
• 29:08
  Speaker 4: wouldn't do for her.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: We've built a beautiful life together that is so intertwined.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: I'm terrified of what the future looks like without her
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: in it. She's the first woman I've ever been with
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: and the only person I've ever loved. I can't imagine
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: ever having a love like this again. I feel like
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: my life is over. I don't know what to do.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: I booked a flight home to my parents the day
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: after she broke up with me, and the only thing
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: that kept me from being a complete and total mess
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: on the plane was your podcast. Oh thank you back
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: to Tanya, Mark and Easton for the comfort and.
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: Laughter you all provide. First of all, I'm so sorry
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: this is ok here.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Is this a guy or a girl? We don't know.
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: I'm guessing a woman, but.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: We don't know.
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: We don't know.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: I was gonna say.
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: She's the first woman I've ever been with, so I'm assuming.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, context clear, there you go. Yeah yeah, yeah.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: I think seven years to invest in a relationship is
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: going to be devastating, no matter what the ending is
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: or who you are or why it ended. I think
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: it's just it's devastating. I think when you put that
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: much knowing what it takes to have a good relationship
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: and the effort and like the energy that you put
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: into a relationship to know that it can be over
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: and it's not your choice is a really.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: Devastating. Yeah, it's really traumatized.
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: And yeah, I just think.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: It's it's part of life because you see how resilient
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: you are. And I think in your mind right now,
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: like you said, do you feel like your life is over?
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: But this might be the beginning of something amazing for you.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something, Anonymous, you deserve so much
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: better than someone that's gonna be with you for seven
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: years and then ask for a three month break. I'm sorry,
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: you deserve better than that. It's been seven years, but
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: you're looking for seventy years. You're looking for the person
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: that can take you the full lifetime. And this is
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: not her. She is not worth your time, she is
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: not worth your energy wanting a break. I'm sorry. That's
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: not what a relationship is. Yeah, I can't just say
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: I sorry, I ney a three month break and then
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: I'll get back to you.
• 31:14
  Speaker 6: Like.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: No, I'm not like a I'm not a pink carton
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: of milk in the refrigerator you can just put aside
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: and then come back to me when I spoiled. Spoiled, Yeah,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: milk wasn't the right Uh.
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: I'm not a bottle of wine.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I'm not a pair of winter boots that you can
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: just put in the back of the closet. During summer
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: and then just after three months bring them back out
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: and wear them again.
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, you can't do that. You're not that.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: You're so much better than that, And that is a
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: that that partner is somebody that is weak, and you
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: deserve somebody that is strong.
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: I think that.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: I also think that it sounds like y'all have recently
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: gone through a lot, and I don't know if.
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: Y'all have tried couples therapy, but I also think if
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: she didn't.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: First of all, I think asking for a three month
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: break is strange because why three months?
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: There's something there, Like there's something there that we don't know.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: The three month break makes me feel like she wants
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: to have her cake and.
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: Eat Yeah, Like, what are the boundaries of a break.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: Dance?
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: What does a break look like? Because it sounds like
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: if she wants to be broken up, she needs to
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: be very clear with you because you shouldn't even hold
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: on to hope that there's going to be a rekindling
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: if that's not her intention. And I also think that
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: I had a friend who was with her girlfriend for
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: I think like five years and they broke up and
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: within a year she met the love of her life
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: and literally just got married yesterday, my friend Sierra, and
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: it was like there was a sense of, oh my gosh,
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: I'm devastated. This is you know, ended, and but then
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: something beautiful came of it and they're both happy. You know,
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: they're both split up, but they're both happy.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: And sometimes look at people who get people get divorced,
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: they're married, they go through a really bad breakup, they
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: go through divorce, and then their lives are even better
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: post divorced. They didn't even think that it could be
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: loved like that. Yeah, So I think that this is.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: I think let yourself grieve your relationship and let the people,
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: let your parents, the people who support you and love
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: you like really surround you right now, and really learn
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: how to be by yourself during this time, because this
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: is a chance to learn who you are and what
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: you're looking like, because all you've known for seven years
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: is the person you were with this person. And I
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: think that it's okay to be sad right now, and
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: it's also okay to be hopeful that something better is coming.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: I agree, And we love you. We love you so much, Anonymous,
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: so much, all right, Tanya from Ashlynn, Hello Tanya Beckham
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: Mark and Easton. First, I wanted to say thank you
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: for this podcast. I listen in weekly and it always
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: brightens my day. Also, I would like to say I'm
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: a Tanya todt Hey. I feel like I'm a Tanya
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: when she was single before Robbie, and we seem to
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: have a lot of similarities. I'm thirty one and living
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: on my own and I have been through a dating
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: role coaster that I can't seem to get off of,
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: though I have done all dating apps, been to speed dating, singles,
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: night events at bars and restaurants, a dinner event with
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: seven strangers. Sadly, four out of the seven strangers were married,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: and this totally sounds like me. And I've even hired
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: a matchmaker, which hasn't been going well. Wow. I'm looking
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: for a man in the same stage of life as me. Single,
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: career driven, ambitious, no kids, but wants kids and marriage
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: and good personality and family oriented. My question is for Tanya,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: when you were dating, did you have a set criteria
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: that you were looking for in a partner, i e.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: No kids or some religion upbringing. And if you did
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: have a set criteria, when did you start opening up
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: the criteria to meet more men that you weren't necessarily dating,
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: but then ultimately led you to finally find Robbie. Please help.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: I feel like there is a podcast episode that someone
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: sent us where you were like, divorced with kids is
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: total like you were not that was totally fine for you.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: That was never like a criteria.
• 35:02
  Speaker 6: Breathing alive, single single, single, breathing alive, wears clothes in public,
• 35:15
  Speaker 6: has a job.
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: My criteria was basic. Could not have been more basic.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: So really, my advice to you is, let's not have criteria.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: Let's throw caution to the wind and not set up
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: those boundaries because guess what you're gonna I do feel
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: like at one point I did have a list. Remember
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: my list was like what.
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: I of all my dream man?
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: Right, your dream man? Right, You're it comes at too fast.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: My list was at the top of my list was
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: Christian man. And I end up not marrying a Jewish man.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: So let's just put the lists away, I know. And
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: it's so funny because it's like that's what the I
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: feel like. That's the guest piece of advice people give
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: you is like, how are you gonna find someone? If
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: you don't know what you're looking for, you know, like
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: you would never go for a job without a job listing.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, so everybody makes you make this
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: list and you're setting yourself up for failure because it's
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: not about the list. It's not about that stuff, like
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: it really isn't. It's about the person and the human
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: being that they are, Like that is your soulmate, that
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: is the person that you're connected to on a such
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: a deeper level. All that other stuff fits in into play,
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: and you learn how to navigate if there are certain
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: things that maybe don't gel or fit the way that
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: you want them to. But I feel like that's like
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: the biggest thing is you know what was her criteria?
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: And her criteria was no kids, but wants kids in marriage,
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: a good personality and family. It's a lot, you know, yeah,
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: I mean career driven, ambitious, Like you maybe might find
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: someone that is not all of these things. You might
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: find someone that already has kids and wants more.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: I also think though, that like a lot of people,
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: once they meet someone that they just connect with, like
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: you said, the list goes out the window and they're
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: still like the mentality is like, oh my gosh, this
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: person is everything I was looking for, but not according
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: to their list. They're just it's everything they were looking
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: for in terms of what they envisioned themselves being like
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: in a relationship.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: Correct.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: And I think that the list hold us back because
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: we have this unrealistic thing of.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: I wish you still had your list.
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: I'm sure I could find one somewhere like plays football,
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: No watches football.
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: I don't think that was ever was never on your list.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: I'm shook by that.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: No, oh wow, No, football wasn't on there. But like religion,
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: you know, someone Christian wanted kids, Like all the things
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: that I just think that I was supposed to want
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: were on there, right, And like, like I said, life
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: came quickly, like came in like a wrecking ball on
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: that list, and I I just think that, like now
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: I look at the what you feel like you want,
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: and I look at my relationship with Halene, and I'm like,
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: oh my gosh, this is even better than I ever
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: imagined a relationship being like I always thought i'd be
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: someone who really needed my space and yeah, felt claustrophobic
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: in a relationship.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Really probably had on your list, like lives in City
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: lives in New York City, myos coastal.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: And I just think that what happens is you find
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: someone like you found Robbie, and it's like he's everything
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: that you wanted. But if you had listed out who
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: he was, maybe on paper he wanted him.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: And you know what's crazy. I think about this all
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: the time because he necessarily wasn't what I wanted on paper?
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? Like on my list?
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: What if I'd never gone on that first date with Robbie.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: I knew on my first date with Robbie that I
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: didn't know for sure I was going to marry the guy,
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: but I knew on our first date that it was
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: like so different, Like I knew, like literally I had
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: like visceral reactions in my body. And had I knock
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: gone on that date because he didn't fit my criteria
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: my lists, who knows what I'd be doing right now?
• 39:03
  Speaker 4: I know it's so true. So I say to anonymous, like, no,
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: it's Ashlan.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: Actually, oh, I.
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: Say to Ashlin, let yourself like be free from the list.
• 39:14
  Speaker 4: Free from the list. If not now, when? If not you? Who?
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: If not here? Where?
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: If not now? Never?
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: Well nod? If not now when?
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: Shoot?
• 39:26
  Speaker 4: So we don't know.
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: Not today, not tomorrow.
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: No, no, that's not out.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: Not tomorrow today, not tomorrow today. Sure, yeah, it's time, Ashlin, Yes,
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: it's time that you are thirty one. You are stepping
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: out of your criteria and list and who knows what
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: if you have a man that's your list and you
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: end up with a woman.
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Ashlynn, you don't know, Ashlin.
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: I want you to physically throw the list out the window,
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: whip it out, and then go pick it up and
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: throw it in the trash.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: But get rid of it, get rid of the the list.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: It's about the being. It's about the being and the connection.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: You can't you can't write that stuff down on paper.
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: You can't write it down.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: You really can't. Once you feel it in the vagina, yeah,
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: it takes over.
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: The list is out the door once it's in the vagina.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
• 40:19
  Speaker 5: All right.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: Well, in that note, we are done with today's episode
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: of Dear Bonio, but we will be back next week
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: and you can dm us on Instagram at scrubbing in
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: pot or email us at scrubbing in iHeartMedia dot com.
• 40:30
  Speaker 4: Tanya, it was a pleasure, pleasure was almos No no, no, no,
• 40:35
  Speaker 4: no no no no.
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: I can eat the cake.
• 40:37
  Speaker 4: Well, I'm gonna take it home. Yeah, I have to
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: eat lunch.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah all right. Love you by