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JJR COUPLES THERAPY: Happy Birthday, Kyle! · Johnjay & Rich On Demand

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Broadcasting live across the world right now.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: This is the.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: John Jay and Rich radio program.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Welcome to another edition of the John Jay and Ridge
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: Couples podcast. What you'll be hearing today is Kyle and Fish,
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: good old Fish and Kyle back at it again, back
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: at it again with the White Fans. So if you
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: listened to the show this week, you may have heard
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: a topic come up where I said that I saw
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: a whole new side of Scott and it was invigorating
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: and inspiring and just just beautiful. And there were some
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: questions asked about you, hun that I couldn't answer, and
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: I said, you know what, I think that is a
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: great opportunity to dive a little deeper into that in
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: the podcast. And what I saw in you was when
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Wednesday night you helped coach ADDIE's flag football team, and
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: I said, I have never seen you in that way,
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: And it was so cool because you were engaging the girls,
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: You were having fun with them, they were kicking butt
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: like they were doing a great job. And I think
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: it's because they maybe had the right motivation from you.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: And I've always kind of it's not like it's been
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: a dream of mine or anything like that to have
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: you coach the kids' teams? It's a cool thought like.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: It's a cool like because I think, as a kid,
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: it would be kind of cool to have your parents
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: coached a team. And so I think about the experience
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: of Addie and Easton and their childhoods, and it's our
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: job to sort of shape them. And there you were,
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: you were doing it, and I didn't understand why you've
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: always said you would never coach a team. I mean,
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: our kids have been on how many team playing teams,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: football teams, baseball teams. I mean, obviously you wouldn't coach dance.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: But like you, is that your dream too?
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: No? There has always been the question that you fill
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: out when you're filling out the form for the team,
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: are you or willing to coach? And I've always been like,
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: you should coach a team, and your answer was absolute no.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: And when I saw you actually coaching the team and
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: doing such an amazing job, I wondered to myself, why why?
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, why I was doing an amazing job.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: I feel like you're you've been God has gifted you
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: this talent and it's going to waste and I saw
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: a little glimmer of it and I just sort of
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: feel like, man, it was like the tip of an iceberg.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Well, sorry that I haven't lived up to being the
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: man you want me to be until that.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: No, we don't need to go Okay, we're gonna be.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: We're gonna the victim. I was trying to give you
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: a compliment. It was great to see you in that way.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Well, it's pretty easy. It's pretty easy answer, because I
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: think it's important for our children to be able to learn,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: take direction, and understand adversity from someone other than their parent,
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: which is the person who's doing it all the time anyways.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: So I think it's good for their growth and for
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: them to be able to flap their little wings and
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: fly by learning and seeing another adult as a figure
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: of authority or teaching or so on and so forth.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: If it's just me, you're a whole little thing of
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: be so fun. If my dad was my football coach,
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: well guess what, I'm already their life coach.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Bam, wow, my drop. I think we should stop the
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: podcast right here.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Okay, one, see you next.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: That's a great point. I get that, and I agree
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: it is important for them to have different sets of
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: authority and influence, but it's not like I'm asking you
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: to coach every single one of their teams all the
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: time better once in a while.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Wouldn't it be wouldn't I be in a better light
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: if I came in and was the hero every once
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: in a while and they had a better taste after
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: I left, instead of me trying to be the hero
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: every week or every game. I think it's better. It's
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: like Dad was really fun at football tonight and I
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: really enjoyed that, instead of me trying to be fun
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: at football every night.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: I think it's fun all the time. Who wants to
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: be fun all the time? Do that? Yeah? I mean,
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: did it hurt you even just a little bit when
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: you when Addie asked you are you going to coach again?
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: And you said no? And she goes, oh, she was disappointed.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: She did I don't remember that, and I quote it.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Was this, oh blocked out.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: I put it all into the well now that I've
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: put that in your brain, and she had so much
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: fun she wanted you to coach again. Doesn't put a
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: little dagger right there goes life.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Coach again. Sometimes we don't always get what we want. Kid,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Damn bam, see you next month. Folks, enjoy the show.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: So that's that's you. That's you. Okay, well, thank you
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: for carrying that up.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: I really I also think that it's tough being a
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: coach of eleven year olds and eight year olds because
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: the parents are never satisfied. I e myself at what
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: the coaches are doing. So I had a great time
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: with the kids Wednesday night, and we had fun running
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: around and laughed and stuff. But were we like getting
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: better at football now?
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: No?
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Yes, And here's why. Right now, at eleven years old,
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: is the time where kids should be fostering the love
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: of the game and of course the basics. But you're
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: not really I mean unless you're like already in the
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: club and you've been playing since five years old. This
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: is a rec league, and it's like it's supposed to
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: be fun and they're supposed to learn a little bit too.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: So I kind of feel like, yeah, I mean, right now,
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I'd rather her have a great time and learn a
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: little bit of football along the way and create and
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: foster a love of it. And that's when you get
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: the kids that when they're in high school, they have
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: a discipline for the game because they've already fostered a
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: love for it.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, Well that's one parent's opinion, because I know another
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: parent who wants them to learn the exes and oh no,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: that wants them to run to space, that wants them
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: to have misdirection in the plays, that wants them to
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: perfect their timing at eleven years old. You can't please everyone. Bam.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, stop with the bam bam, No more bam. Uh. Yeah,
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: you're right, No, you can't please everyone. And I think
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: when you're in that position, so you don't want the
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: pressure of being the coach, the pressure, the parental pressure.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I appreciate the coaches that do it because that's, you know,
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: that's a commitment and there's time spent, and it's away
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: from work, it's away from family, and so I respect that,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: and I just I just think it's more important for
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: our kids to learn from someone else for a little
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: chunk of time in their little, tiny lives.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: They learn from someone else every day for a big
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: chunk of their day, pretty much the entire day. It's
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: called school.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: But yes, yeah, but this is another slice of life.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: I need you to be honest. I have a question.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: Was there a little bit of you, just a teeny
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: bit and I won't bring this back and try to
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: convince you to be the coach, but I need you
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: to be honest. Teeny bit of you at all, whilst
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: you were coaching, think to yourself, I could do this.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: I could probably do a better job than some of
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: the other coaches we've had in the past, because I
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: like our coaches right now. But teeny bit of you
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: have that thought run through your mind, like, never think
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: that I.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Could do a better job. But I know I could
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: do it. I know I could do it.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: You just don't want it.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: I just don't think it's I would much rather go
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: in there for one night helping out, have fun, have
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: some laughs.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: Step beside, step back, Okay, Okay, I appreciate that.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Is that good enough for you?
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: Do you think that our kids there?
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Let me ask you a question, are there other areas
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: in my life that I could possibly live up to
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: what you want me to be?
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: I feel like in all areas of your life you
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: exceed expectations. Actually, that's kind of funny.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Have gone.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, So we just got the kids report cards, right
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: we did agreement. Let's create our marriage report card right now. Okay,
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: So in all the subjects, was first we have to
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: create the subjects. What are the subjects of the marriage
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: report card?
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Do we just go mathematics?
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: Love languages? Oh so, like mathematics would be like our budget.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know, I like it got over this equals budget?
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Uh let's say language arts equals our communication?
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: Okay? What other subjects are? Social studies? What would social
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: study pe P? You can fill in the blank, but
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: you think there what would social studies be? In science?
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: In social studies would be how we involve like other
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: people outside of our lives, like friendship and.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, like okay, social literally social social stuff. And
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: then science maybe I don't dinner dinner, dinner, love to
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: get love that? Okay? What other what other topics are there? Okay?
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: So we have PE, language, arts, math, social studies, and science.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: The basics. We're not going extracurricular here right now, just
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: the basics. Okay, all right, So you have to verbally
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: give your marriage report card to me and I you okay?
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: And you know how like on the report card they
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: have outstanding satisfactory pleasure to have in class or like
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: what are the other ones challenging to have in class?
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Does not respect authority?
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Like right, yeah, all.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: Right, So should we go tit for tat so we
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: go down or do you want to give me your
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: entire report card and then I give you my entire
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: report card or we go social studies? Your grade grade?
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Grades?
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Okay, so we'll start with science, which you said was dinner.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: We all know. I feel like I've been very open
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: about this on the show and maybe even here on
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: the Couple's podcast that I don't know what invisible contract
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: we signed where I just became the dinner planner, creator
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: and organizer as part.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Of your grade you're giving right here because.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: But no, I'm setting it up, but I have that's
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: my job in the household. I don't know.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: That's not a contract. It just makes sense because your
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: work day ends what very early in the day.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: It varies. You're blessed veries from day to day. I
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: also wake up very early.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: You have signed an invisible contract with me that when
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: five o'clock comes around, I just have to drop everything.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: That was an invisible contract. That was a verbal contract
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: where I said you need to come home.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: So back to my point, it just makes sense that
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: if most days I'm still working at five o'clock, and
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: because of your job. We go to bed early. Someone
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: has to do dinner. Okay, grade, I give you, I
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: give you an A A. Yeah right, no, I do.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, I am the worst cook. I know. I like
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: a menu of five things and they're not even done well.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: But look who you're talking to. I have eaten the
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: same thing at lunch for probably four months in a row,
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: turkey sandwich and almonds every single day.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: I know, an you know he's not even exaggerating it
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: literally is every single day.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: I am just fine eating the same thing every weeknight.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: And you do a great job. Hey, well done.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: I think, I actually think this is one reason why
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: I love you is that you are not a foodie
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: and you have a very simple palette. You don't need
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: a whole lot, because if you did, you probably would
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: give me an F right there, which is probably what
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: I actually deserve in the dinner department. Okay, your grade
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: would be an A because you eat everything.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: I cook, and I make burgers one night a week
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: and one night order properly.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Welle, night and week you do burgers, and it
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: usually ends up being on the night where I'm so tired.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: I can't I just can't. I can't do dinner that night,
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: and you swoop in and you're like burgers tonight.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: So we're off time A great start. Okay, good.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: So now we move on to social studies, our interaction
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: socially with friends and whatnot.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: Ye you want me to go first. You're very friendly.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I am not very friendly, So I give you a
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: for effort. But if we're if the grade coming from
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: my perspective, it's gotten better, it's gotten better. So I
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: would say it to be okay because I can. My
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: choice of using free time is to not use social studies,
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: so I've had to get used to that. And we've
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: spent a lot of time with friends lately and I
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: have grown to enjoy that. So that's that's where the
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: beat comes from.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's great.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: But do we have to all the time?
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Okay, So that's where my grade comes in. Okay. My
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: grade for you on this with love is a c.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: CS get degree.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: And partially because I understand like not wanting to do things,
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: because we all get that every once in a while,
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: like the social battery is just dead and you don't
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: want to And I understand that our social batteries have
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: a different life. Mine drains a little slower than yours does.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: But I have so much fun being with people, and
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: you're so fun once you have a couple of cocktails
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: and we're all hanging out and really funny, and people
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: get to see that and that's great.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: And so what if I coached with a couple cocktails.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, No, that would be bad. You're not
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: gonna do You're not gonna go there. You didn't need it,
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: that's the thing. You didn't even need it, And that,
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: like spark came out in you. We've already passed that.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: You don't have to be a coach. So see, just
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: because I would love to hang out with people more,
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: but you don't.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: So there, that's just that's just the way it is.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: And there's been growth. You have to acknowledge I've grown
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: this semester.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: I also feel like you have to acknowledge I have
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: not planned as many things.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: It's hard hard to accept that because we just came
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: off of something just mere hours ago.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: But before that, it had been a little while before that,
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: no schedule, okay, no, before that. Before that, it was
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: like a month since we hung out with our friends.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: That was a long time. It was a long break.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: You've got a long break. Guess what Europe. It is
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: the holidays, so there's gonna be a lot of things. Okay.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: I think our grades are an indication of our compromise
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: to make each other happy.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: So I would normally be a D, but I'm a C.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: You're a C for compromise. Okay, Okay, math equals budget.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: We are in the middle of our marriage report card
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: with each other.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: And I give us a C.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: Plus C plus on budget. You know what, I disagree,
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: I'm giving us a B right now. Without getting into specifics,
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: I have to say I'm proud of us because we've
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: had some I wouldn't call them financial challenges, although I
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: will call them financial challenges because that's technically what they are.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: We've had financial challenges over the last year, and I
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: feel like we have risen to the occasion.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think everybody can relate, like when you
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: get your credit card bill at the end of the
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: month and you're like, what what did we spend all
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: of this money on?
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: So we've gotten so much better at that, and.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: I think everyone can relate, like, right now, everything costs
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: so much more and I don't know, I don't know
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: anybody that's getting raises right now at.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: Work, continued employment, you're raised.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. I think it's like right now,
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: it's such a blessing just to even still have a job.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: So it's I think a lot of people have to
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: get creative right now.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: But what as we try harder and harder. Like the
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: first couple months that we quote unquote cut back, it
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: felt like a cutback. It doesn't feel like that anymore.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: And I think, norm I feel like our credit card
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: bill has gotten less. I have less of a heart
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: attack when I see it.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're doing much better.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: So that's why gave us a B because wow, it's
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: much It's much different now than it was, I would say,
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: and just.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: A little peak behind the curtain. I felt like I
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: was the one who was most critical about our credit
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: card purchases over the past few years, so I would
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: have started at a D. Now we're to C plus
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: because we can always be better.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: Well, you know what C plus is almost a B,
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: so I feel like we're pretty close on that one there,
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: All right, language arts communication? What is your grade for
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: our marriage report card?
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's an A. I feel like you
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: make me talk and I feel like I over how.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Long have we been married, thirteen years?
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: I feel like I've gotten so much better at that.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh I.
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: Agree, excuse me, Yes, you sometimes really loud. All you
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: want to do is be with friends, don't hurt me.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: That's that's Scot thirteen years ago. And now you're like,
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: I just don't want to hang out with your friends
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: all the time. But I like you know me, I
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: like direct communication. I don't want to sit and guess
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: how you're thinking or feeling.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: You are super direct and that was hard to get
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: used to.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Because you're a words of affirmation person and that's the
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: bottom of my lovely affirmation person.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: Sappy and yeah, and that's You've gotten a little better
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: at that. But I've come to accept that you're not
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: a words of safformation And because you cut me down
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: with words doesn't mean that you don't love me.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: So do I cut you down with words?
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Yes? You do? You know you do? Anybody anyone listening
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: to this is like, yeah, oh no, I know Kyle
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Well is the sweet, innocent, lovely one radio, but we
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: all know who she is. I you don't take it.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: I love fiercely, but I also will not be walked
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: all over by anyone. Yeah, I think the things that
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: you think are sharp in my mind exactly are.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Not, see exactly, that's it right there, Like if, for instance,
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: I say, why do you say it like that? And
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: you're like, oh, you'll know when I'm mad when I
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: say it like this. Yeah, so your levels are different
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: than my levels. It's just and I've come to get
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: used to that.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: But I also try to lift you up as well.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: Didn't you hear the beginning of this podcast, I was
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: telling you how great you were, right, Yeah, you don't acknowledge.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Thanks, that's great. Thanks.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: See. I think being married to me has made you
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: not a words of affirmation I don't I want to
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: take the test again.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it would be interesting.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: Because I feel like you've changed.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: And maybe maybe you've.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: Just become I honestly think that I'm not a words
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: of affirmation person because growing up one of the youngest
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: of eight kids, you're not allowed really to be sensitive.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: You're really not siblings. Siblings just kind of train you
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: to grow a little bit, a little bit thicker skin.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: Not like I have no feelings, you know, obviously I do.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: But it's also I think a product of my environment.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: Could also be that my shell was just hardened.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: That's why I'm saying, still.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: A sweet, tender little flower underneath that hardened shell that
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: you've tallused.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: You are, That's what I think. I think you're not
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: dead inside yet, but you have you have grown the shell. Okay,
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: I think we were doing great on communication. I think
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: we talk a lot, we talk through things and.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well you have a rule that we if we're
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: angry at each other, it has to be figured out
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: before bedtime, which is sometimes hard. You just want to
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: go to bed.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: I want to go to bed too all the time.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: I want to go to bed right now. But look
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: at us communicating, communicating.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: But we really don't have those very often.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: No, I think it's rare. But I think when we do,
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: I do feel like we address it right away, which
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: is helpful because I think when you don't, it becomes.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, worse. But you also have these things where like
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: let's talk about, for instance, yesterday you were annoyed, you
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: were in one of your moods, because this happens every
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: time you schedule one of these. We're going to go
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: to Schneppe Farms, and we're going to meet friends, and
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: this is a whole big deal. It's going to be awesome.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: And when things aren't off to a roaring start, you
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: do that face and you get so mad and so
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: angry and so peeved at the world. Know that all
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: we got to do. And I've told the kids it's like,
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: just wade through the rough waters right now, it's going.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: To be okay, okay. Do you even know what happened
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: yesterday before we left? I do. We had a very
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: small window of time to be on time. And it's
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: one thing if it's just our family going to Schnef
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: to have a great night, there's no time like it
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: opened at noon. We could have gone any time of
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: the day, but we had told people we were going
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: to be there, so now we're accountable. Now I would
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: like to be on time so that these people aren't
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: waiting for us, so to not be rude. And we
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: got home, and this is another reason why I feel
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: that I'm going to I'm going to put the petition
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: out to end homework at school. I just think it's
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: it leaves kids who are already tired and braindead from
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: eight hours of class in a stressed situation to achieve
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: any anything else like family time is important. Kids should
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: be able to breathe a little bit after school and
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: not have to go do more school. I tell the
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: kids homework, I disagree with it, but if you're going
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: to try to look it through it with a silver lining,
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: sometime I have home or I have homework every night
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: for work, So you're never really going to get away
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: from homework. That's always going to kind of be a thing.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: And so there's that benefit of it. But other than that,
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: it's busy work. It's it's I'm not even gonna get
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: on that soapbox right now. We should end homework. Easton
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: was having an incredibly hard time with some homework. Had
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: to melt down to the point where he was saying
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: he wanted to kill himself. Now, as mother, I hear
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: that from my eight year old son, and I'm devastated.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: The fact that he's that frustrated over this, and the
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: fact that I was part of that frustration because I
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: wanted to help him get it done so that we
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: could go have fun was terrible. It was horrible. That
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: was where the stress came from.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: Let me say something real quick, and I don't want
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: to diminish what he said, because that's very serious. But
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: he also says that to push your.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: Buttons doesn't matter. I don't want to hear any one
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: of my kids say that ever, ever, ever, ever.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: But he knows how to play.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: He's never said there how to work. He's never sat
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: upore that a new one. I don't know where that
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: came from. And so it was stressful because yes, I
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: have an incredibly tender heart when it comes to the kids.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: This is weird when he's crying. So I just talked
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: about how how much of a tender peach I am
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: because I'm a words of affirmation, But when it comes
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: to our kids and the way that we parent, we flip.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: We flip drastically.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So my dad, he's the nicest person on the planet, really,
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: but as a dad, you knew exactly where the line
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: was and that was it. So he was a stern parent,
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: but he was extremely fair. And so I feel like
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I'm a more, way more stern parent than you are,
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: way more So It's it's kind of weird how you.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: Don't acknowledge gray areas. No I don't, but there's gray
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: areas in life, so you have to. Well, we've talked
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: about this before it's okay, it's good. We have a
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: good good cop, bad cop situation. And the stress did
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: not come from It came from the incredible time crunch
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: and this serious thing that happened, and so that that
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: was that. But but I will not deny that sometimes
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: when we're trying to get ready for something, there is
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: stress that comes from me and it is projected. I
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: think the example of last night was that was different.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: That was a different stress, Like, yeah.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: It was just one of the many's it's it's always something, but.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: It just it's always something. Okay you know what changed
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: that to a bee talking it out? Change the communication
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: to a no, okay a now anyways, I do feel
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: I don't want to leave this. I do feel like
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: Easton and I sort of talked through his stress and
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: he did end up having a really fun time, which
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: I was grateful for. And that's it. Like as our
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: kids get older, I know, like so I have two
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: bonus kids who are now they're adults. They're adults, they're
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: in their twenties, and so I'm new at this. Like
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: as they grow older, I think the worries get bigger,
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: like the scale. It's not just like oh, you're going
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: to trip and skin your knee. It's like, Wow, my
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: eight year old just said something horrifying, and I don't
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: like that. But I guess we're all growing. As I'm
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: growing as a parent, they're growing as kids. So we'll
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: get through it together, right yep? Okay, So the last
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: subject on our marital report card is PE. Yeah, now
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: where do we want to take this? Because I would
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: go physical education and I would give myself an F
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: because I haven't worked out in about five years maybe ten.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: No, that's not I know what.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: You are thinking.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: This is this is the love you.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: Were thinking, it's the physic I okay, I give ourselves
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: an A. You're you're gonna give us a D because
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: you always want you.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: When I want, I want more PE class. I wish
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: PE class which on the schedule, or I give us
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: a B? A B? Yeah okay, but I feel, man,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: we could go really deep into this, like how personal
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: do you want to give? You have to go super personal?
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: But so I feel bad because sometimes I feel like
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: it's PE class is just for me. In fact, you
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: feel that a lot, and I feel bad about that
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: because I want you to be excited for PE class too,
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: and I think that's the that's the plus and minus
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: of scheduling PE class. If it's not on the schedule,
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: sometimes it doesn't happen. Right, that's real life.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: That's real life. I think people go months and years
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: a long time. I have I have friends that it's
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: I mean, because you just get busy and life happens.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: But if it's a if it's a planned schedule, then
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: sometimes it feels less.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: It's not spontaneous at all, So it takes a little
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: bit of the excitement out of it. Although that would
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: be looking at it all wrong because the excitement is
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: the lead up.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: Well, sure, I play games with myself all the time,
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: like PE class is coming. It's like she can't she
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: can't handle not coming to PE class. And guess what
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: here she comes for PE class.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: There.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: I am so p I just the only reason I
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: give us a B is because I want more PE class.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: Right, I know, I was expecting a lower grade because
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: of the more.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: Heck no, I'm when I'm at PE class, I'm very
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: happy with PG class. I mean, look at you, Damn
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: look at you. I'm a lucky dude. So PE class
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: is my favorite class.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: Okay, well, I too feel very lucky to have you.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: So look at us. We're so cute. So we just
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: we just have some areas of improvement on our report card.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: But I think that that is good because, yeah, it's
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: a I think if we thought we were perfect, we
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: would be delusional, totally. Okay. I feel like that's a
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: really good podcast, unless you want to deep dive into
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: something else. Okay, Well, thank you so much for joining
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: our couples Man podcast. What I didn't are you kidding me?
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: Record?
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: You did? You don't make mistakes like that. You're Scottish.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: I did hit record.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: You're Scott Fisher. I knew you would. I wasn't even
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: scared for a second. You're too good at what you do.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: Ham Okay, I have a great day. Thanks for joining us.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: Birthday by the way, Oh yeah, thanks, My birthday was yesterday. Well,
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: my birthday is tomorrow because we're actually recording this on Friday.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: Here's a question about PE class. If PE class falls
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: on your birthday. You know there's such a thing as
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: birthday PE class.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there is, But I.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Feel like if PE class falls on your birthday, you
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: would be like, it's my birthday. I do whatever I want,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: which is no pe class.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: Who said, whatever I want is no pe class. This
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: girl likes pe class too, Okay, okay, right, all right, okay,
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: thanks for joining us, Have a great day until next time.