Latest / The Bold Lounge / Amy Ware: Rising Resilient- How Setbacks Spark the Fire of Success

Transcript

Amy Ware: Rising Resilient- How Setbacks Spark the Fire of Success · The Bold Lounge

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: My name is Leigh Burgess and I will be your host.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on bold journeys and made a positive impact in the world.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: This podcast is all about those kinds of stories.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Every week, we'll hear from someone who has taken a leap or embarked on an extraordinary journey.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: In addition to hearing their stories, we'll also learn about their bold growth mindset that they use to make things happen.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Whether they face challenges or doubts along the way, they persisted and ultimately achieved their goals.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: These impactful stories will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to pursue your own bold journey.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be freed.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Today I have Amy Ware.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Amy is a seasoned healthcare executive with a passion for elevating access to research-driven oncology care.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: As Associate Regional Vice President of Oncology for HCA's Sarah Cannon Cancer Network at TriStar Health, she oversees oncology across 10 hospitals, working to ensure comprehensive oncology for those across Tennessee and Kentucky.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: For those across Tennessee and Kentucky.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Prior to her role, amy served as a senior advisor to the CEO at one of the nation's largest cancer centers.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: There she led high-impact initiatives driving strategic growth and operational excellence.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Her professional accomplishments are complemented by a robust academic background.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: She is currently pursuing a doctor of healthcare administration from Franklin University, holds a master's degree in health administration, a master's degree in education I didn't know we had that in common and a bachelor's degree in psychology.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: She is also a fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Beyond her professional achievements, amy is a passionate mental health advocate, motivated by personal tragedies, losing her stepbrother at age eight and her father to suicide three years ago.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: She's become a powerful voice for mental health awareness.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Leveraging her social platforms, she regularly speaks publicly about the importance of mental health, works tirelessly to destigmatize mental health issues and promote accessible integrated care solutions that address both physical and emotional well-being.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: I'm excited to be here, so we'll kick it off.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: We've had a lot of pre-recording discussion.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: One time we talked for over an hour before we even got to anything.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: So excited to hear your definition of bold.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: What does bold look like in Amy's world?
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I thought about this so much, and so I would say my definition is daring to be you or daring to be me in a world that expects conformity, so continuing to live my most authentic life and be my most bold self, regardless of what the world wants me to be.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so that manifests in a lot of different ways for me, but I would say, you know, going against kind of the grain and doing the things that I think you know put me ahead and a little, maybe a little bit different than what others do, just because that's the way my soul feels alive.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so like, even if it makes you stand out or make someone not you know maybe understand you, or maybe people don't agree with you, you do it anyway it anyway, absolutely.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think that's and certainly to respectfully and in a way that's kind and compassionate, you know, but I, you know really stepping outside of that comfort zone, despite what the world thinks that you're supposed to do, or to fit into a box or to fit into a mold, because either you look a certain way or you came from a certain background or you are, you know, showing up in a certain way.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: It's just continuing to push forward, regardless of those things, and being bold, asking bold questions and putting yourself out there and stepping, you know, outside of the crowd to go against what everybody else is doing.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: And I think it's a daily journey to get to that point.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, being an original.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I wrote a song.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: There's a song I have in the bold album that's about being an original and it really is the essence of that.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: And so when you think of your journey, what bold moment comes to mind for you connected to that definition and I know there's tons, most likely in anyone's lifetime, what kind of comes to mind for you?
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: You know I thought about some things recently, but I'm actually going to when I think about what was really a big transformative moment in my life.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: I'll more reference my childhood, and so I'd say that the thing that was probably the boldest for me is deciding to move out in high school and going to college, paying my way through college and forming that path, which was so different than the environment I had grown up in.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: My mom finished eighth grade, my dad finished 10th grade and I knew my only way out was to move out early and to push myself into a different direction so that I wouldn't have the life that I had growing up.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: And it just required such a commitment to myself that I was worthy enough of a different life, that I was going to be different, that I was going to have different opportunities.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: You know, daring to be different, daring to go against what my mom wanted us to, didn't want me to move out, you know, wanted me to stay there with her.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: That was a really big piece.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: Well, beginning of my journey, my education journey and really my career, was deciding that I had enough.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I had enough of what happened and I was going to do something different along the way and I've had to make a lot of those changes.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: So when you think about that, how old were you when you did that?
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: So I was in high school when I moved out.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: I was a senior in high school.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: But I mean, I hadn't really been staying home a ton.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: I was staying with friends.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: The environment I was in just was so unhealthy and I really didn't know a way out other than to go to school, to move out, to get out of the environment, to pick myself up and get away from the individuals that I felt were causing harm to my family and to me.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: And so you know, at 17, I had no idea what college anybody helped me with my application.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: I had no idea what I was doing.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: I took out an unreal amount of student loans because I didn't know not to.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know those, those?
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: You give somebody an opportunity to take out twenty, thirty thousand dollars of loans for school and like, oh, okay, well, I guess I'll pay that.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah yeah, join the military and take out you.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: You know a million dollars.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: You can't drink, yeah, but you know, I just decided like, ok, this is the only thing that I know that I can do, that I've seen other people do to be successful, and it's one thing people can't take away from me is my education.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you can learn as much as you want.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: You can study as much as you want.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: You get as much education as you want Nobody can take that away from you.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: So I knew that that was the way that I was going to get out.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: And I was young, I was, I think, mentally mature, but still just really young.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: And you know, yeah, yeah, 17 and 18 were definitely still figuring why I fell.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Even if I do, I'm still figuring like every day is a journey so one of the things you've said, two things, so when you know the bold framework, it, the bold framework, it's believe, own, learn, design.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: So a couple of things you said there kind of resonated with me from the perspective of belief in yourself to own your action, like no one was coming to save you, no one was going to do that.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: So your belief in your ownership and kind of your path is really a big part of your bold journey, kind of in a lot of directions, right, not even only at 17 and 18, I bet it repeats itself, you know, oftentimes it does in our lives as we grow up and as we have relationships and jobs.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: And you know, transitions in our life, like it, it just happens and I've had them and you know, I know you have as well.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: So you kind of set the pace in a way of like I believe in me, I'm going to bet on me.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: You know, sometimes we think, well, it can't get worse, like in the sense of I always think it can.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: But I think in the sense of like if I try something and fail, I'm going to learn from it.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: In that sense, right, and regardless, I'm doing something about it, versus just like you know, oh me, oh my, and you definitely do not come across as someone who doesn't take ownership.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: So once you kind of made that bold move, have you ever paused to look back and own all the things that you've done, that you have achieved, that, the successes, the things that it's like, wow, I did that and I didn't have anyone helping me or I didn't know what I was doing.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: Or is there any moment where you've actually paused?
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: Because a lot of the times we don't take time for that, I know, I think you said something and I'll get to that in just a second but the no one's coming to save you, no one's coming to save me.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: I think about that all the time because, you know, I try to surround myself with really great humans.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: I mean, my circle's very small but I choose wisely.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and those people you know certainly advise and help, but at the end of the day I've always had to believe in it's either you or nothing you've got to put.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: You know, you've got to stay up all night and do this, this homework or study or whatever work, two or three jobs, because there's no other option to move you forward and nobody else is doing it for you.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: I don't know in terms of, like, stepping back and reflecting, I've tried.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: There's just been so many little things that have come up over the years and just when I felt like, okay, oh, I can breathe, I've done it, I made it to a point where I'm happy If things have occurred and you're like, oh, it distracts from those feelings of accomplishments, I don't feel I'm so grateful.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: I think that's more than anything.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: Is that quote of I used to pray for all the things I have now and the ability to have a car that has gas, put food in my fridge, care for my family those like foundational things I have that I didn't have before when I was growing up, are so important.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: So trying to reconnect to that and always remember when I get a little ahead of myself, that you know, this is a beautiful life that you have.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: It's not perfect and there's always more things to do, but it's really the gratitude mindset that I think changes.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and coming back to that on a regular basis, I know sometimes I'm as a high achiever like you and someone who's very driven, and you know my challenge with myself is like I'm not enough.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: I'm never doing enough, I'm not working hard enough, you know, and it's it's ridiculous Like there's no one telling me that but me, and so like I got to manage me and I'm getting better at it, I think, as I got older.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: But I just think that's just something I'll probably continually be checking myself on, you know, and making sure you know how I talk to myself and where I check in, because a lot of the times I think we could just really really be tough on ourself.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: But if we actually pause and own what's going right versus what's going wrong or what isn't where we want it to be, I think you know just the listeners.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: Just think about that.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: What's going right today, you know?
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Did you wake up?
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: Did you have breakfast?
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Did you have a roof over your head?
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Did you have a car?
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Do you have a dog?
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I think that's important.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I love our dog so much.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: I absolutely agree.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: I mean it's hard, though I mean just in what you're saying.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you know, 10 years ago we didn't have the access to all the technology and social media.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: Where it's the comparison and I also am very intentional about like not following people that make me feel bad about myself or feel like I'm not enough, because so much of that social media stuff isn't real, which is why I try to be so real on LinkedIn and like when I share my stories about my background.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: But you know when you see other people who are so successful, they're only posting pictures of the you know the things that they have or it is easy to compare.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: That you're not enough.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: You know, to see people like wow, why couldn't I?
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: why can't I have that?
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Why can't I do more?
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: What do I need to do to get there?
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think for me it's just you know how do you really run your race?
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: You know, I've definitely like in church, I've heard that multiple times you know, like, run your race, you know you have a path, you have a journey, don't run anyone else's race, and I mean.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: I'm human, so sometimes I do get pulled off and go, wow, they're ahead of me or why, you know?
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: And I have to stop, you know myself and remind myself along the way with that.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: It really is.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's your journey, your path, your destiny.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: You have a journey that's God has designed for you and it's you that needs to follow that.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: And really, what does success mean?
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: And I think that's something I've thought about for many of years when I've said, oh, I want to be successful, yeah, my mission of success is going to be different than you know, the next person, person, and really trying to truly understand what does that mean for me.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Well, I feel successful.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: I have a healthy kid, right, I have a healthy marriage, I have a healthy family.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: That's successful.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: I can pay my bills.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: You know that feels great.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: Do I want more?
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: Do I want to be able to do more and have bigger impact?
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, but you have to take a pause at where you're at and still say, okay, if this is all I have today, it's enough, and I'm so thankful for it.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: I really am, yeah, and you, you probably realize it's more than enough, right, like when you take that.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: But you have to be intentional about that.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: I think you know for sure.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: And and I think you know as you kind of went through.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: So you went to college, you got your first degree and where were you at that point?
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: So four years after you moved out, kind of where were you along the trajectory of, like, I'm in charge, I'm moving forward, any kind of feeling of like, oh, I should do something or shouldn't do something?
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Now go back to your definition of daring to be you and just keeping on being you.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: Where were you at that moment?
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: That's a good question.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: So I was actually.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: I was going through a breakup around that same time and I was really like I have no idea where I'm going to go.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: I couldn't go home, point.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: And so I ended up moving in with a friend and his parents for a little bit of time, which I was great, and they were amazing to me and really cared for me.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: But then I decided okay, I've got to figure out, I've got to find a job for college.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: I really want, you know, want to work, I want to be able to start growing my career and I was in Marion, ohio at the time, which is about an hour North of Columbus, and then I got a job, actually as a daycare director, so early learning facility, and I had been working on some research studies.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: I my undergrad was in psychology and I was doing a lot around children's mental health and resilience and so there were some things that translated and I thought, gosh, let's just do this, let's just go for it.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: So I moved to Columbus for that role and it was.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: It was so fun, it was so transformative and I love kids, I love working with kids, I love being around kids, I love, like the childhood, freedom and innocence, and so it was such a fun journey.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: But when I was there I was like, okay, this is not what I'm going to do forever.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: I probably need to go back to school to better understand how to run a company or a business or whatever it is.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: I said, do.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: So I went back to grad school.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: I think I was the very last person that they let into that master's program because my grades were amazing.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: Right, I wasn't some stellar student.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: I was working two and three jobs through my undergrad and my mom was really sick and so I was caring for my mom quite a bit.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: So my academics like I, just I cared about them.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: I wanted to get through, I was working hard, but I wasn't a 4.0 student.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: I think, as you stepped into that degree, like it was a different time in your life and you're going back to school because you're ready for the next level, the next thing and still figuring it out.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I think that's important for people to hear, because I don't know about you, but do you feel like people think they have to have everything all figured out?
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I know I do sometimes plan A through Z.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I absolutely do.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: You know, I have two older kids who are amazing Sarah is 26 and Jake's 24, just turned 24 last week and you know watching them through their journey too, too, I feel like I also somewhat grew up with them, because you know they go through this process of, oh my gosh, like I'm finishing high school now.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: What, what am I going to do?
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: Where I'm going to work, what am I going to go to school for?
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: And it was really just like take one step at a time.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: You want to move through school, just get enrolled and we'll figure things out, and just keep taking classes that you're interested in and things will work out how they're supposed to.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: But just out there, just one day at a time.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: You know one step forward, and so I do.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: I still feel like that at times.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: You know what is the plan, what's the plan Put in my plan or put in my outlet, I know like what?
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: There was another quote, like about wanting control, like you want control of everything, but all you really have is anxiety, and so just trying to say which is true right.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: That's why.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: I giggled Because there's nothing I can control.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: There really is.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: I can control my reactions and I can control that.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: I can do the best thing that I can do that day with what I have available and that's about it, you know.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: And so I have no idea what the plan is for the future and it's too hard to say like, maybe I'm in health care leadership now and who knows, maybe I'll go into mental health in a couple of years or maybe I'll go back into teaching.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Who knows, right, maybe I'll have three jobs, you know, I never really know.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: I have a vision for what I would like my life to look like and so that I can work towards those things, I think having goals is really important, but again, there's so much that's out of our control, so it's just really doing your best to find what makes you happy and what else makes you happy as you evolve.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: And then the next thing that really can make you happy, because I know a lot of people who are in jobs and life situations that you know it would make a lot of money, or just unhappy people, and that's that's the last thing I would ever.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: I just want to be happy and, you know, feel confident in the things that I'm doing.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: I'm doing my best.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: And keep being curious.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: I think that's definitely an important piece of it.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Would you agree?
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Like you, you still like leave things open, to like, yeah, let me just see what that's like, or talk to that person or maybe explore that class or degree or experience.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Do you kind of feel like you let yourself do that?
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: I honestly think that's probably one of the reasons I've gotten to this point, because it's always been well, what if?
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Or why not me?
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: And so you know, when I've been in a class or there's been an opportunity for work or why not me, why couldn't I do it?
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: Now, if I had the right person to mentor, if I had the right tools, somebody could maybe teach me a skill that I don't have, or I took the time to.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Why not?
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: And so, with that perspective, I think that's like you know, you have to be willing to learn and to be taught and to put yourself out there.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: But, yeah, I'm so curious about everything.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: It's impossible to know all things about all things.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: So the more that you ask questions, things, so the more that you ask questions and the more that you're vulnerable about the things that you don't know, I feel like the more people look to you to say, well, she's really curious about this and I bet, because of her curiosity and her interest, she'd be really good at x, y and z.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's why I worked in strategic planning for so long, you know, trying to figure out, okay, well, well, why, what's going on here?
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: What's happening?
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: How could we differentiate?
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: um yeah, I absolutely.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: The curiosity piece keeps you engaged and you know it teaches you new things every day.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: So I think you know when you think about strategy and openness and being able to flex and pivot.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: These are all key skills that you've honed over years and years of using that muscle right, all the way back from when you were a child and grew up in you know what you described a home that wasn't optimal, that you were worried whether you could have food for the night.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Who would be watching you is.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: You know what's happening in the home and so, like you, took a lot of responsibility and ownership, which I think leads to, like you, you feel pretty gritty, like I'm going to get it done and I'm going to be resilient, and things happen that are not good, but I know they don't define the rest of my life.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Where did that come from, do you think, or how did you hone in on that, even at such a young age to now?
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: Well, I think I grew up a little too fast, Truly.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: My mom I mentioned was really sick when I was growing up.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: So she was diagnosed with breast and ovarian cancer when I was very little and my dad left when I was three and so you know, we had no money, there was no food, we were on welfare I think the child support check was $100 or $120 a month.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: You know, my mom went through these really hard treatments and diagnosis.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: There was nobody and we had no family there.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: And so, you know, even as a young kid watching my mom so sick without anyone, I had to step up.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: I had to take care of her, I had to make sure she got her medicine and you know there'd be days she didn't go to bed or, you know, days from that she'd be really depressed and it was like, or days from that she'd be really depressed, and it was like I felt so much responsibility at such a young age to fix everything and, I think, the ability to kind of see bigger picture being like, you know, six, seven and still kind of trudging forward, knowing that it's my responsibility, that I can, only I have to do what I have to do to be better and to care for those around me.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: It was so much great, even at a young age, to survive Right.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: And then, you know, as things got easier and the pathway kind of changed, I just felt like the grit kind of kept going to keep me moving ahead.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how do I do that?
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: How do I figure it out?
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: How do I get there?
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: Partially growing up, it was survival.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: If I don't figure this out and we don't figure out how to get food, if I don't figure out who to call to care for my mom, when I don't figure out how to get to school.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: You know, my principal took me out to buy me a coat because we didn't have any clothes.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: I was cold.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: All the things I didn't figure it out.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Even at just such a young age, there would be none of this yeah and I don't know that.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: You know survival isn't guaranteed.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: I could have easily went the other way, but I also watched a lot of the people around me like have things that I never had and to have lives that felt so different than I had, and I would just kind of watch.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: You know like, how do I get to that?
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: That seems what a normal life would be like.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: You know how do I do those things.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: Well, if I just push really hard and I do, you know, get really into it and I just work myself to death, you know like I can get there too and you can.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: You really can.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: You don't have to be stuck in that same space.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: You can work your way out of it.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: You can educate yourself.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: You know you just have a choice.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: It's a choice every day.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's definitely a choice.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: And then even now, as an adult, it's a mindset.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Like you know, I can figure it out.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: You know things happen to us as adults too, that kind of set us back or take the wind out of our sails that were like whoa, like I didn't think that was going to happen or I thought I was working really hard and figuring out.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: I know I've had moments in my career where it's like I was just trying to figure it out and you know, with my burnout and work harder and do more, and I feel like for me in my belief system of like God wasn't going to let me stay there anymore.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: He was like I'm going to lift you up and move you pretty hard.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: You know, like you're quitting, you're moving on.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: Have you had in your life moments of like well, that didn't go as planned?
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: And here I am, and in the sense of like thinking about your grit and resilience, because sometimes I think when we get to those points it can be as an adult.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: For me it was kind of crushing because I felt like I didn't do something right.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: I felt like I didn't work hard enough.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Again, going back to my own little thing, you know.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: So when you go through those types of experiences, what do you think that does or has done for you as you've gotten older?
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's a great question.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: So I would say probably the hardest part of my journey was really around 2020.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: And you know I've been through so many things as a kid and abuse, and you know lots of transitions.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: My mom was married Just so much hard stuff that you grow up with and some people grow up with.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: You know, hopefully not everybody does.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: But then I remember in 2020, around the time that COVID started thinking to myself like, oh man, this okay, despite COVID, things feel in our life, my personal life, pretty good, like I feel like I'm pretty happy.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Like I got through grad school, I did two master programs.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: You know I was working on my ACHE fellowship and I was just kind of moving things forward.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: So I was like this is all right, this is good checking all the boxes yeah, like boxes, my son's doing really well with her IV ivf.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: I had a beautiful little boy and I was really grateful for that.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: Overall, things are pretty good.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: I remember saying that to myself.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: I've been through so much.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Nothing else could even happen.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: And then it did.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: And you know, 2020 was just such a awful year.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: I share very openly that in my dad ended his life after a six month job search and job loss, not having any other family on that side.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: You know I was in the space of having to find him in the morgue, having to figure out what to do with him, having to call all the locations, the bills dealing with the taxes.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: You still have to submit your taxes for your parent if they die of suicide.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: You know all of the things that were.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: They were so.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: It was so earth shattering for me and still to this day is really hard.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: But that wasn't the only thing that happened.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: You know my I had a six year old cousin who was killed by a drunk driver, and then my uncle right after he was diagnosed with cancer and died in our hospital.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: Right after that, my mom had her sixth, seventh and eighth heart attack.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: She's in congestive heart failure and then both of our dogs died.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: It was horrible and it all happened on a roll at around a really like within like a six month timeframe.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: And, you know, I and we had these beautiful 17 year old dogs.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: We just they were like our buddies.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: You know, you get so attached to your animals.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: And then we had just sold our house and we were in the process of trying to find a new house.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: We had made like 10 offers on houses and everyone at that time people were making all these cash offers and we couldn't find a place to live.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and then I thought, you know, all of those things piled on top of each other, I just was in a really bad mental space.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Um, so that was one of those things where you're like I don't think anything's gonna happen and nothing else, and you're like the world's like I don't know, let's see, let's see what you got.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: And those were really really, really defining moments for me, especially my dad.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we were very close over the years not to when I was a child.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: We had a lot of there was a lot of tension, there was a lot of things that had happened and kind of in and out throughout my childhood and then as I got older we just became very close was a lot of forgiveness, a lot of intention, a lot of moving and moving forward and conversations about how we really we really love each other.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: I wanted to be around my dad as much as I could and same with him, but so that was a really piece that, I think, threw me more than anything I've ever been through.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and understandably, and you and your dad had worked hard to get to that point where you could, you know connect and talk, and you know forgive, which is huge huge.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so interesting.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: And my mom went through a very, very toxic and very hard childhood and so did my dad.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: And then when you have two broken people that meet each other you haven't gotten involved mentally, you know, with their that's a that's kind of becomes a mess at times if they don't do the work themselves to take care.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: And you know, trying to care for both of my parents my mom with her, her sickness and all the things she had going on, and my dad with all the things he came brought him from his childhood into his adulthood I felt like parents to both of them in a way, you know, caring for them at young age and really trying to help them work through their issues.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: While I was just trying to be a kid, yeah, when my dad passed it, it was so, it was just so hurtful because I felt as much of his daughter as I felt the person that had cared for him throughout his life yeah
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: and so, you know, very complicated passing, but it does teach you a lot about yourself and about your priorities, and you know how important it is to check on your people, to lean in, to ask questions, to be kind, to take care of yourself.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: You know, you and I are both very much like ambitious, really intense women, and I think you do have to pause and say, okay, I've done enough for the day, or, you know, am I mentally okay or in the right space so that you can, you know, move forward with those things that you want to do in life.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you think you learned?
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: I know you learned a lot, but I think getting through that space, you know and I always consider healing a lifelong journey in some aspects, around certain things you know, like my healing, like from when my brother died from an accident when I was six it just you keep going, you keep going and then something like a song or a football or you know, in the cincinnati reds, like things that he liked, like those will kind of like oh, matthew would like that.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: Or like his birthday, those type of things like hit, and you're just like okay, like I'm just gonna feel all the feels.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: Is that one of the things you do too?
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: Or, like you know, because different people, you know, move forward in different ways.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: What's some of your strategy?
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: Because I bet there's some listeners right now.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: They're you're like I don't know, I can't get out of it, or I'm kind of like stuck in a rut, what did you do?
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: I wish I could say it's like one thing, I do a lot of things.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it usually isn't just one.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, is that a primary thing?
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, friday marks the four year anniversary of my dad's passing and I, you know I have to be honest that it is a way for me.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: There are still a lot of days that, you know, I still cry myself to sleep.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: I just miss him and that hurts never go away.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I wish so badly I could call him and talk to him about things, but I can't.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: So what do I do with what I have?
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: Is I talk about it?
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: One thing that I feel like is I have to use his passing as a purpose.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: You know, what can I take from what I lost and how can I help others not do this?
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: The impact that it's had on me has been so, so, so at the cellular level, which I feel like it's changed me, and so how do I remind other people that you cannot do this?
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: You know there's hope.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: You just get the mental health you know support that you need.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: There are other ways out, and so using that to you know, talk about and kind of help other people is one way.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: I think this is also helping me you know I go to therapy.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: I have to go to therapy to be.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: I encourage everybody to go to therapy.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: It's always great to have somebody who's more educated or has the tips and tools for your toolbox that can help you guide through life and get through some of the, you know, more difficult ways of difficult things that happen in your life.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: I work out a lot.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: I really do.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: I try to, you know, work out, take care of my mental health, that's what I physically need.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Some people paint or listen to music, but I love running, I like going to the gym and that's a way for me to process, and so you know.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: And then I take medication.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: Honestly, I have a ton of anxiety that I have realized.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: That is controlled.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: When I go to my doctor.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: I take the medication that I need for my body, and it might be forever, but that's right now.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: So I think the combination of those things.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: I go to church.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: I'm a very, you know, christian spirituality.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: I feel very connected in that way, and so that's helpful for me.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: But I try to all those things together because there isn't one thing that's going to help and every day is a little bit different than what I need.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and the tuning of, like each of those, like someday you may be more community connection versus kind of be working out.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: But me, you know, definitely work out, but I definitely want to make sure that I see my people right, or I might need just space for myself.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Today, you know, it isn't like, you know, one all fits all either.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: You know so it's going to be personal, but I think sometimes there's this sense of, I don't know I'm going to say guilt, but I don't know if it's guilt of like just not being able to figure it out, like I'm still here and I'm, I'm doing this and I'm moving forward, but like, why am I feeling this way today?
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: So, and sometimes feeling all the feels and not pushing it away or pushing it down, you know, reaching out, telling someone, even texting someone I think you know, I see that that post all the time of check in on your strong friends or your, you know it's something like that.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: Basically, the people that are, you know, the rocks, because those people we need help too a lot of stuff that you can't see right.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: it's that backpack that's got all that weight in it and you're sometimes you're in your family or your friends that are going through things.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it's, you go to the strong one and kind of dump, trauma, dump, yeah, but they have to process their own life too and the things that are going on.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: You know checking in but not just like hey, are you okay?
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: Show up Like go there in person, bring somebody food, talk to them.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: I always offer to help people if they have with their resumes.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: Let me edit your resume.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: Let me take a look at what you're working on.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: Help Edit your resume.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: Let me take a look at what you're working on.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: Let me help you get you connected to somebody that's hiring.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: Let me see what I can do with network, like make those connections show up for people you know, sit down and listen, just listen.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Somebody's going through a really hard thing.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: You don't have to fix it, but maybe just having somebody to talk to is all they need.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly when I started sharing about my dad I mean like two years ago, two, sharing about my dad me like two years ago, two, three years ago it it's so um humbling how many people are going through really hard times that also will share their information of I was navigating this situation, or I'm currently really struggling with depression, or you know, I don't know what to do here.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: Can you help me?
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: And you know I want to help everybody as much as I can.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: I'm thankful that there's resources out there to help those folks, but it's a reminder like gosh, you really don't know what people are going through.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, really, don't.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't know depression was like a symptom or something that could happen with menopause.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: And I now realize that because I would say two years ago so like when I was 50, I would like have these moments of like Whoa.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: I've never thought like that.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: I don't think that kind of low or negative, I'm a pretty positive, we'll figure it out.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: You know, buckle up, let's get it done, type of gal.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: But I was having these moments of just like Whoa.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: That's a low I've never felt.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: And I remember telling my husband and my daughter I was like I feel really low, but it's different, you know, and I think for me it was an education, and talking with my doctor about like oh, wow, that's mental, that happens potentially, you know, like to me it was just like okay, maybe I'm just too tough on myself or something like that.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: So I think again, not pushing it away and like exploring it and and not assuming, just because someone's strong or has it all together on social media or whatever, that they don't need a check-in and a show up, and I think that's I'm just going to ask the listeners today to like really think about who shows up for you and are you showing up for them, because I think it's a two-way street and not to just assume someone is okay because they just have it all together.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: Because I'm human, things are happening that no one knows about, and things are happening in your life that no one knows about and you're just doing it, you're getting it, you're doing it.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: But I think it is nice and I always am so happy when someone actually legitimately shows up, because for me, I think at this point in my career, it's fewer and fewer people, I think, that are authentically there, and that's okay.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: You know, like you said, small circle, but I know who my people are.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: Right, I think that's really important.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: It is that thing of like you used to surround myself with all these people and you can be in a really crowded room with a hundred people but feel so alone, yeah, and having somebody check in on you.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: So Friday, you know, was a hard day for me.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: It really was.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: I I drove back home, I went to the place where my dad passed and I just spent time there by myself, but I had a few friends that really were continuing to check on me and a couple of people that had sent really nice, like little care packages to the house that were just hey, take some time to just breathe and relax and have a cup of tea or coffee and know that, despite what happened, we love you and we are here and you can call us anything.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: We want to talk to you and talk about it.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: And that that reminder that, okay, I know I go to those places sometimes that are hard for me to pull out of and when I'm there I got to call somebody to say you got to get me out of this space.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: I'm really struggling.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: It does make a huge difference, and for people that don't feel like they have that.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: I mean, look around, is there somebody or someone that knows somebody that is also looking for that connection Right?
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: One of the things I did is I joined the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: Has several groups.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: One of the groups that they have which was local to me at the time where I was living before we moved to Nashville.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: It's called LOSS L-O-S-S and it's a really it's a support group for people who have lost either a child or a parent or sibling or somebody in their life from suicide parent or sibling or somebody in their life from suicide and it it gave me permission to talk about some of the things I needed to say that were really, really bad, like the details.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to say them, I just needed to share it with somebody and to the person in my office who's sitting next to me that's not something that I want to put on them this really got it and so allowed me permission, gave me that permission to just share openly, without judgment, and I would say, if somebody is looking for or if they're in a space like that, find that group, because there's a lot of them that will just allow you to share and not fix it maybe, but just receive it Right so to feel like you can talk about it and understand you and get it right.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: You know, one of my pet peeves is someone saying, oh, I understand.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: It used to really tick me off when I was younger and now it just ticks me off and I just like, okay, that's.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: They just don't you know, because it would be around my brother, or the loss of one of my best friends, or when my husband almost passed away, like it was just like, oh, I understand.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: I'm like, no, you freaking know, you know, like don't, please don't say that.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: I think I try to say I can only imagine you know.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: So that's what I say now, but I think really having people that understand I had someone on the podcast a few episodes ago who she wrote a book about being a sibling, who loses a sibling, and how it's such a different loss of, like your angle to your parents, your angle to your other siblings, your role.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: It was just like first person who could speak my language.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: You know I didn't go to therapy, I didn't do any of that, for you know my brother's loss.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: So I think you know it was just like an aha moment where it's really hits home with what you just said and underscores the importance of community and groups and people who you can share things with, who who can take the heavy because they're living it right yeah that's I mean.
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: That is so important I agree with you and to be able to ask the questions and be able to talk about those rules and to be able to talk about the feelings that you have, whether it's with sibling, relationships are different.
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: I didn't grow up with a sibling, so like having somebody that did.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: So if I try to really I didn't.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: My brother lived in a different house with a different.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: You know his dad, and so I don't have that same feeling.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: And so, like you said, finding somebody that can share in a way that it is really heavy, but they know that heavy and they're okay, like they can carry the weight and maybe me sharing it with them and them sharing with me actually lightens both of the weights that we're carrying.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: So I think you know the lesson there, I think, for both of the weights that we're carrying.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: So I think you know the lesson there, I think, from both of our stories, which are different but certainly have some commonalities, is don't go alone, you know.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: You know for people listening, don't think you have to.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: You have to take the initiative and the steps and the ownership, but you don't have to be.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: It's not a solo act and I think being bold is not a solo act and I think that's just really important for people to hear.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: Gold is not a solo act and I think that's just really important for people to hear.
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: Well, and something too just about, like you know, even now, just guilt, sometimes with the passing of my dad, or guilt that I can't fix some of the things that have happened, or guilt, you know, having the realization that things are going to continue to happen for you and things are not always.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: It's not your fault, it's not your burden to carry.
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: Everybody has a choice in how they move forward in their life.
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: But you can only do so much with what you have and your heart and your soul that you can be full.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: But trying to fix other people and to feel you know what I mean, to navigate the complexity of other people's lives is it's too much of a burden.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if you think you're doing it maybe a little, yeah, like, ease up, back down from that, yeah, and see how you can do that, because I think it just becomes too much and very, very hard, and you usually pay the price for it in some form or fashion.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I completely agree with that.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, thank you so much for being on the Bold Lounge.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: I'm so, so excited that you're on to send your message and to hear your story.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: All the information about Amy is in the episode notes and I really just I just want to continue connecting and be part of what you're doing.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: That's very inspiring and helping so many people.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much, friend, appreciate you.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: Through the continuum of bold stories vulnerability to taking a leap you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others through their unique and important story.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others and share the journey of those with a bold mindset.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and look forward to sharing the next bold journey with you.