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Transcript

Share Your Sparkle · The D Shift

• 0:05
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Welcome to the D shift podcast, where we provide inspiration, motivation and education to help you transition from the challenges of divorce to discover the freedom and ability to live life on your own terms. Are you ready? Let's get the shift started. Hello, and thank you so much for listening in to another episode of the day shift. Today we have somebody who are up but you know, personally because I would have used this phenomenal resource in in changing some of the ways that I was doing my business. So I owe Susan a debt of gratitude for that. And I think that she is a phenomenal individual to help anybody who's interested in branching out into the and entrepreneurial world. So without further ado, I would like to introduce Susan Bock. And we were just talking about the best the best term to call Susan. So we're gonna call her a business success coach for today. But that's just a little hint to what she does. So, Susan, thank you so much for being on the day shift.
• 1:08
  Susan Bock: Mardi, thank you. It's a privilege and a pleasure to be here with you today i i saw cherish the relationships that are made over a course of time, and ours is one in particular that has has survived the span of time. And I do cherish that. So thank you,
• 1:26
  Mardi Winder-Adams: thank you, and especially during COVID, and everything, we made it through all of that stuff. And we're still doing business, both of us so yay for that. Right. So Susan, tell us a little bit because I because I know that I know that it's hard for people to just pinpoint what you know what this is the one thing that I do, because when you're coaching, there's so many things that you do so tell us a little bit about where your area of expertise is and why you're passionate about this area?
• 1:55
  Susan Bock: That's a great question. And we could spend days I'll give you the very short version, my my specialty, my passion, if you will, is working with women to identify their uniqueness, what makes them so special, and then leveraging that in their business? Why do I say that? I think one of the most important things that we can do as individuals is honor the person that we are, honor that person. My backstory Marty is I spent probably the first half of my life, being anyone but myself. I was on the journey to copy someone else to be someone else. Whatever I was, it wasn't enough, I had no idea who I was because I was running so fast to be someone else. I didn't take the time to go within. And now in the last half this half of my life, I can say that the most fascinating adventure I've had in my entire life is the journey inward. That discovery, that curiosity, the inquisitiveness of exploring, really all facets of who I am. And that that has led me to what I call the AAA effect. Which is first of all, really becoming aware of who we are having awareness in the absence of judgment. Just being aware, in the second day in the AAA is accepting who we are really accepting it taking it in. And having admiration for the uniqueness of who we are because No, no two people in the world are exactly the same or experiences education training background, it's all different. So that keeps us that makes us very unique. And the third component in the in the AAA effect, is appreciating that value, appreciating all of the gifts that we have. Even though it might be something that's really easy for us to do, and we might dismiss it or devalue it or think that well, if it's easy for me, it's easy for everyone. If that's not the case, those easy things are the gifts that I cherish the most. And so, in a nutshell, that's the work that I do with my clients is to define that and refine that uniqueness, that magic that we each have much of of what I did with you, Marty and then how we market ourselves how we present ourselves, and it's not just in business. It's in our personal life as well. We we are who we are and the more that we can appreciate that and accept it. To the more at ease. That's my word at ease we are with ourselves.
• 5:06
  Mardi Winder-Adams: I, you know, I, I can't, I can't state how important that is because, you know, a lot of times and so a lot of the women I work with going through divorce, they're, they're really looking to reinvent themselves. So I know that that you kind of did a reinvention in your life. I've done a couple of reinventions in my life, I think most people have done several. But I think the thing is what you said, I was always trying to running towards being somebody else, or trying to follow the path that somebody else had done. And I think as women, we get sucked into that, that, you know, there's, there's this formula, and if we just use this formula, we will get the same success as Oprah Winfrey, or, you know, Tony Robbins, or whoever we just see this, and we go like that, because that's what every Facebook ad says, right? Follow this formula. And in three months, you'll make, you know, $20,000. And I've said this multiple times, if you are buying those formulas, the only thing you're the only person that's making $20,000 a month is the dude selling it or the woman selling. So tell us how do you get the courage to do that inward journey? And how, how do you? How do you know what? How do you know what you know? You know what I mean? Because I had that problem with you. And you sat me down and said, Tell me what you do. And then we started talking about it. You goes, you, you said, there's an I can't do that. And it was like to me, I was like, Well, I just assumed everybody did that. So how do you start that change?
• 6:48
  Susan Bock: For me, the moment of transition, is when I was in the darkest moments, the pain was so intense, that that lack of connection, the lack of, of authenticity, I was even I would say devoid of hope, which led to a multiple of eating disorders, addictions, abuse in and of myself and others in every way possible. That darkness became so frightening for me. I had to find the light. I it was a conscious decision that I could no longer stay in that doubt. And that darkness. As the universe gives us when we need it, we may not always recognize it, but it gives us what we need. And I came across a book by William Bridges, called transitions.
• 7:52
  Mardi Winder-Adams: No, just hang on, you are not going to believe this. You wouldn't mean this book, would you?
• 8:02
  Unknown: I love that book.
• 8:04
  Susan Bock: I love the synchronicity of this, don't you?
• 8:08
  Mardi Winder-Adams: And that's where because I did not know you knew that book. So
• 8:11
  Susan Bock: it was it was pivotal. Yeah. Because it gave me a framework, a way to kind of managed through life. And it gave me an entirely different perspective of how to view any transition whether it's, you know, a change in jobs, a change in professions and changing careers, a different relationship or relocation, even coming inward, letting go of some limiting disbeliefs or, or limiting thoughts that were holding me back any of those aspects, there is a transition and what I love about his his framework, it's so simple and easy. The first step, as you know, is something ends. Now that caught my attention that the beginning of a transition starts with something ending, right. I was intrigued with that. And I was ready to be done with the darkness and the despair I was I was ready to end that. The second stage in his three part transition framework is era, the neutral zone. Well, being a Star Trek fan, I loved the neutral zone. Totally cool with that, although that's also when we're the most vulnerable. And then the third stage, the final stage is the beginning. Right. And I still get chills when I say that that that reinvention that opening up that stepping into the unknowing with courage and curiosity. I didn't have an expectation. I was letting go of judgment. I was ready to experience life on life's terms in a way that I never had before. And his use Three steps, the end, the middle, the beginning, kept it so manageable. Right? For me, it was a lot less scary. Does that make sense?
• 10:11
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Yes, it certainly does. And that's one of the I mean, I use this as a foundation for my divorce transition coaching and a lot of the a lot of that that neutral part in the middle between the Klingons and the, you know, the Star Trek Enterprise people, is it, you really have to, you really have to spend some time in there, you have to go deep inside yourself, you have to understand where your values are, what you need to do, and what your gifts and talents are. And so why do you think that is so uncomfortable for us to do?
• 10:48
  Susan Bock: I don't, well, for me, I can say that I would do anything I could, as I was growing up to avoid being uncomfortable that I had an aversion to being uncomfortable. And what I found through the process going through his work is that the discoveries are made and the discomfort. Discoveries are not made when I'm complacent. discoveries in awareness and insights or understanding doesn't happen when I'm in. When I'm at ease, because I'm comfortable, right? But when I am in, and when I am uncomfortable when I am in discomfort, that's what I am looking for resources and avenues to shift the energy to shift out of the discomfort into whatever is next. Whatever that is. You mentioned the word courage. If I can go back to that for just a moment, Marty, because I think this is a vital part of my story. From a very early age, I was fearful was my constant companion. I was fearful of people and places of things. So I was always in fear. And as I went through school, I came to label myself as a coward, because I was always fearful. Now I had numerous coping mechanisms to disguise that fear. But inside that's how I saw myself was as a coward. Perhaps that's the reason now I have an aversion to labels.
• 12:23
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Maybe Yeah. But nonetheless,
• 12:27
  Susan Bock: as I went through my transitions and into corporate life and into my first marriage, which was a disaster, as I went through those transitions, what I came to discover, is, being fearful, was in the driver's seat of my success. being fearful was was determining the outcome of my actions, where if I could shift and say, just acknowledge the fear, and have a conversation with myself and say, I am going to take action anyway. Then I was in courage. Yeah. So accepting the fear, not not chastising myself not criticizing myself, not judging myself for feeling the fear. It's acknowledging and accepting the fear. Say, Okay, I know you're there. That's cool. And we're going to take action anyway. Right. And over time, that built up my courage as I moved into different actions that were aligned with, with whom I was becoming, in that that emergence of who I was, was becoming to know. And as I took action, the courage was stronger, and stronger, and stronger. So now I can say that even though I am fearful, I have the courage to take action anyway.
• 13:58
  Mardi Winder-Adams: I think that's that's a wonderful story. Think and not just a story, but that's a wonderful way to look at this. What What about so there's fear? I get that. What about that little inner monologue? That's rolling 24/7? You didn't do that? Right? You should have done that different. If you did just listen to A, B, or C or if you, you know, your mother told you this was going to work out this way. What do you do about that little voice?
• 14:27
  Unknown: I fired it.
• 14:35
  Susan Bock: And I still fire it on occasion because it's it continues to come up. It is something for I think, for all of us, particularly for women, that that inner critic is, again, a constant companion. It's always with us. I didn't have an inner cheerleader. I had an inner critic, right. So I did I went through a conversation and I Call that inner critic into the office. And I said, I, you know, you've been with me for a very long time we know each other really well, and you're fired. Thank you very much. I'm done. I don't need that anymore. It's not serving me well, and having that level of conversation of taking charge, if you will, of stepping into the driver's seat, and having the courage to say I, I am not going to be influenced and, and my future is not going to be determined by my past. So I fired the inner critic, and I hired that cheerleader. So now even today, when that that doubt comes up, and it does, it's okay, thank you very much, I don't need you. I appreciate what you're attempting to do. And I'm going to listen to my cheerleader. And I have people that come to mind that I can actually visualize or I can reach out and have a conversation with someone that that is inspiring to me that, that really hears what I'm saying Marty and understands it and appreciates. It doesn't judge it doesn't have to give me advice, doesn't have to fix it. They're just they're listening. And they're saying, I'm here for you. And what a tremendous comfort is that is I'm here for you.
• 16:20
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Yeah. And that's really what coaching is all about, right? It's not about telling people what they need to do. As a matter of fact, if you've got a coach that's telling you what to do every step of the way, there's somebody else that should be fired, but it's really about supporting you, encouraging you, giving you maybe different perspectives, things to think about how to evaluate things. With that with that inner critic stuff, because I know for a lot of the women that I work with, going from a j ob into an entrepreneurship, or moving their side hustle from side hustle to full time job, or full time career, that there is so much enter stuff that has to change. But there's also a lot of people in your life that are going to be Debbie downers or whatever you want to call them that are going to tell you you can't succeed, you can't do it, you shouldn't even try. How do you? How do you encourage people to deal with not necessarily the inner voice, but the actual people that they may be associating with that are? And some of them may, some of them may appear to be friends. So it's not always a direct attack on you. It's just kind of that subtle? Well, yeah, no kind of information? How, how do you coach people around that kind of stuff?
• 17:51
  Susan Bock: That's a great question. And we are all influenced by those people that that is part of the package of a relationship. A couple of different ways that I'm going to address this. First of all, how in the coaching aspect, you You brought up a very valid point. And it's something that I pride myself on Marty, and that is that I know the questions to ask to reveal your truth, your value your answers, because it's it's you, it's all about you. It's not about my experience, my perspective, it's about you. So as your coach, it's mine responsibility to ask questions to reveal you. And by asking these questions, and oftentimes, it's the first time someone has ever asked like lions use questions, that opens up the the opportunity of the self discovery, of really identifying who they are in the values that they have, and the gifts that they have. Now that that discovery process leads into a transition, because there are some aspects of their life that are ending as they move into an entrepreneurial role. There are other aspects of their life that might want to stay the same, but the people in the perimeter that are seeing this person go through this transition, this change, get concerned because now their normality is being interrupted. They're accustomed in what they're accustomed to is changing, and they're seeing this person make a shift that might trigger their own limiting beliefs. So in that situation, what I what I coach my clients to do, and I swear it's not always easy. It's that I appreciate you being concerned about me. I appreciate your perspective. Thank you for sharing. Right. Right, and then stop. We don't have to explain needed a way we don't have to elaborate on it? It's,
• 20:03
  Unknown: I appreciate your
• 20:04
  Susan Bock: caring. Right. Thank you for sharing, right? That's probably one of the most difficult lessons I've had to learn is to, to be okay with that short of a response. Right. Right. Is that? Did I answer your question? Yeah,
• 20:21
  Mardi Winder-Adams: you did in a very politically correct way. And it's interesting, because in my life, I've learned to in my head, I say, a version of this, I'm going to give the clean version. But, you know, like, opinions are like noses, everybody's got one. That's not the way that I learned it. But you know, I mean, I mean, it's like, or everybody has a right to their opinion, no matter how wrong it may be, I would go with that now. Because it, but it is hard when it's like your sister or your mother, or your you know, even sometimes I've had, I've had women who are going through divorce where their attorney has said, you know, this is not the right time to start a business. Now, there may be financial reasons for that. But that doesn't mean that you can't do all the work to get ready when the doors is finalized to then start your business and, and that negative drip drip drip of I can't do this. I'm not good enough. I've never been, you know, I've always been in corporate America or Canada or, you know, whatever country you're living in, that that mindset gets really limiting. And you set mentioned limiting beliefs, but it's almost like it's this massive mountain, and you've got to get over that before you can take any steps going forward. Exactly. Do you think that's accurate that you have to cross that that threshold?
• 21:48
  Unknown: Absolutely. It again, Marty,
• 21:52
  Susan Bock: it's a letting go. Yeah. Are you willing to let go of that, because you feel the calling of a higher purpose, a different impact or influence that you want to have is, it's listening to that, that what I call the higher self, right? It's that that inner knowingness in our soul in our spirit in our heart, and it's calling us it's pulling at us to step more into our complete self, all of who we are taking ownership of that incredibly unique human being that we are, and then sharing those gifts with the world. Is everyone meant to be an entrepreneur? Absolutely not. I'll be the first to say that that's not what I'm, that's not the message that I want to convey. The message that I do want to convey is, rather than listening to the past, tune in to the present, tune into that higher self, that inner knowingness again, with curiosity, and just start asking questions, what would be like if? Or how would my life be different? If, and give yourself the permission to dream? Sure. To play with the down fun to explore, not making any decisions yet struck the the investigation of I wonder what it would be like,
• 23:22
  Mardi Winder-Adams: right. And I think that's really important, because, you know, you're right, people, nobody, not everybody wants to be an entrepreneur, not everybody wants to be, you know, out solopreneur and around the world and doing things. You know, I have lots of friends who are really big on selling their property and going on an RV trip and their retirement and not having a house that is not for me. I mean, I love the idea, but it's not for me, I like having a home base. So everybody has to find their own path. But it should be the path that you want to be on not the path that somebody told you, you should be on when you were 15 years of age. And that's where you stuck for the last 40 years. And you feel like you're stuck. If you're getting that sense. Think talking to somebody like Susan, who is really super good at helping you identify those gifts and talents and your purpose. And then maybe you should continue on in your corporate job, but maybe just feel really good about what you're doing because you reconnect to it again, as opposed to you know, doing something completely different. So Susan, we have talked about a lot of stuff. What do you think is if you'd like to summarize everything or kind of give a top of the mind thing that you would like people to remember when they take out their ear pods and you know, shut off the podcast. What do you want them to remember about this conversation?
• 24:49
  Susan Bock: Boom, believe in the beautiful human being you are and put that beautiful human being in the spotlight. Share that brightness, share your sparkle, share your, your vibrancy in a way that lights you up. Because when you do, it lights everyone else up. So be the light, be the brightness in whatever that is. It doesn't you don't have to go big. That's that's really important. One of the questions that I asked people very early on when I start working with them is to create their definition of success. And it's different for everyone. We don't have to borrow someone's definition. So as you're you're in that, that reflecting state and looking at your definition of success, where are you going to shine the brightest, and believe that you will
• 25:53
  Mardi Winder-Adams: love that. And I was just thinking when you were saying that, because I used to be a teacher years and years ago. Wouldn't it be cool if from kindergarten kids who are taught these words, instead of get a university degree or college degree and get a good job? What if they were trained or taught or promoted or supported to share their sparkle that was the only message would be a different world. I love that share your sparkle that that really I don't know that really stuck in my mind. I'm going to remember that from this stage. Thank you, Marty. People want to get to know more about what you do or want to reach out to you what's the best way to contact you. We will put all this in the show notes. But if you can just give them like a quick down and dirty where they can get ahold of you if they want to.
• 26:39
  Susan Bock: Website Susan at excuse me, Susan Bach B as in boy o CK Susan black.com. Or you can email me Susan at Susan bob.com. Keep it very simple,
• 26:51
  Mardi Winder-Adams: easy enough to remember. And Susan, thank you so much. This was a phenomenal conversation. And I really hope that everybody walks out of this walks away today and sits down and the first thing they do when they go have a coffee or a glass of wine or whatever they're going to do after this. I want them to say how can I share my sparkle today? That's what I want.
• 27:12
  Susan Bock: Thank you, Mardi. And thank you for sharing your sparkle every day.
• 27:17
  Mardi Winder-Adams: Oh, well. Thanks, Susan. And everybody. Thank you so much for listening in to the D Shift podcast. I really appreciate you and we look forward to talking to you on our next so thanks for listening and supporting the gay Schiff podcast. If you would like to attend live trainings by our amazing guests, and have a chance to ask questions and get answers from our experts. Join the D Shift crew. For more details and to sign up, head on over to www dot divorce coach for women and click on the podcast page.