Latest / Nightmare Success In and Out / Zero Excuses: Kristin Kline’s Convicted Comeback

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Zero Excuses: Kristin Kline’s Convicted Comeback · Nightmare Success In and Out

0:00
I haven't said a whole lot of this, but it was escort, Escort
0:03
agency. I saw an ad in a paper.
0:05
I was 18 with a mindset of 12 maybe.
0:09
And I was like, hey, that sounds good, I'll get paid.
0:11
So I got on a bus, which ended me up on a plane.
0:15
And I showed up in a town that I had no idea what I was doing,
0:18
who I was meeting, where I was going.
0:21
And it spiraled so far that I lost everything, got kicked out
0:25
of the state. The rest of the time it's been
0:27
heavy addiction because I needed to drowned out what was in here.
0:30
My nightmare was I hung out with the wrong people and I caused a
0:37
car accident and I picked up an armed robbery and assault with a
0:40
deadly weapon charge. And I never went home again
0:43
until I came home. What happens when your worst
0:46
fear becomes your reality? Hi, I'm Brent Cassidy.
0:49
Welcome to the Nightmare Success In and Out podcast where we
0:53
explore how to overcome your fears and nightmares that set
0:56
yourself free. We're going to be exploring this
0:58
topic with guys that was in Leavenworth with and others who
1:01
survived their own nightmare. These stories can be inspiring,
1:06
sometimes sad, there's some humor, but hopefully you can
1:10
come away with a nugget of something that'll help you knock
1:12
down some of the prisons you built up in your own mind.
1:17
All right, welcome back Nightmare Success.
1:20
And now listeners, this is where you come from.
1:21
What happens when your worst fear becomes your reality?
1:23
How do you adapt, survive, overcome?
1:26
Set yourself free, folks. Don't forget to follow,
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subscribe, share this thing out, like it up.
1:31
Really appreciate it helps the show.
1:33
So who are we talking to today on Nightmare Success?
1:36
We're talking to Kristen Klein. And I first want to give a big
1:40
shout out to Kristen Johnson, who's been on this show and she
1:44
connected me to Kristen. And you know, I think if I, if I
1:48
think about, I just told Kristen this before we got she's like
1:52
energy and inspiration. You just bottle it up.
1:55
I and if you could just like sell that at the store, I think
1:57
it would just sell out over and over and over.
2:00
But I, I thought this was, I was reading up on her on it was in
2:05
an interview and I thought this was such a great quote.
2:09
One of the questions was was how would you like to be remembered?
2:14
And Kristen said, I want my legacy to be a disruption, not a
2:18
whisper of inspiration, but a full volume, soul shifting mic
2:23
drop moment that moves people to rise.
2:25
I want people to say she didn't just change her life.
2:29
She cracked the code and handed it out to others for a
2:33
blueprint. I love that because that's
2:35
exactly what she does. This is what Kristen does.
2:38
She she found fitness being incarcerated in prison and she's
2:44
gone out now. And just to give you a little
2:47
bit of background about her, she built systems that rebuilds
2:52
people after transforming her own life post incarceration, she
2:57
lost convicted comeback and coach 0 excuses to powerhouse
3:01
brands that disrupt cycles of trauma, recidivism and
3:05
generational dysfunction. Through fitness mindset and
3:08
education. Kristen's developed re entry,
3:12
boot camps, fitness certifications, certifications,
3:18
certifications I can say it, I can Say it and transformational
3:22
programs for incarcerated women, turning facilities into
3:25
classrooms, trauma into power, and survivors into leaders.
3:29
And she's now building scalable, credentialed programs that
3:32
bridge the prison yard of the college campus and changing the
3:35
conversation around what's possible for women after prison.
3:39
Wow, I can't wait to jump into all this.
3:42
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5:10
OK. Kristen Klein, how are you
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doing? I am fabulous.
5:14
Well, I have been excited to talk to you because I, I just
5:17
told you, I've been watching all this stuff that you do.
5:21
And, and then the reaction that you get from these women after
5:24
they go through your classes and, you know, you see some
5:27
people are just like bottled up in a fetal position.
5:30
And then they're, you know, they're, their faces open up
5:33
with smiles and, and you can just tell what you're doing
5:37
means something. And you know, there's a
5:40
difference. I always notice there's a
5:42
difference in prison. When I was in prison, I, you
5:46
know, when you played sports and different things, it felt like
5:49
for that moment that you were doing that it was an escape,
5:52
that you felt like you weren't there.
5:54
You were somewhere else that you made you feel more normal.
5:57
And you've turned this into a system and I I think it's it's
6:02
so cool that you have taken what inspired you behind the walls to
6:08
go out and and and give it out as, as you say, as a blueprint.
6:13
Krista, take us back. Are you did you grow up in
6:16
Arizona? Is the family grew up in
6:17
Arizona? Where?
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Where did you come from? My earliest memory was that I
6:24
was adopted, OK, and I grew up here in Arizona.
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My parents were from back East Chicago and Saint Louis.
6:33
Oh, St. Louis, that's where I'm at.
6:34
Yes, yeah. And then here I was.
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And Yep, part of Arizona. And did you have going into this
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adopted family? How old were you when you were
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adopted? So I was very young.
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It was days, days. OK, so you didn't know anything
6:49
else then That was your family. Were there siblings?
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I mean was what's. Give us a little yeah to what
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that life was like as a kid, little Kristen.
6:59
So I did have a younger brother, also adopted.
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He was from Seoul, Korea. My parents knew very early on
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that they couldn't have children of their own.
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So they wanted to adopt, which they were both teachers,
7:13
educationers, not a lot of money in that.
7:15
And they had their heart set on it.
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So it's a big investment. That's a huge expense, but as a
7:22
child, you don't look at it like that.
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So right off the bat, that set me off in this black sheep
7:28
didn't belong. Something's wrong with me, you
7:31
know, phase. So I always wonder, like when
7:33
you when you're a kid and you're adopted, like how early on did
7:38
you know that you were adopted? Like where did that come into
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your life? I don't remember not knowing.
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My parents did very good with that.
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I know many other families that chose not to.
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And I don't think that's right. I think that every situation is
7:54
different. Parenting is hard, you know, in
7:56
general. But I think that the truth is
7:58
always the way to go. And people have feelings that we
8:03
don't discuss and why withhold that.
8:05
That's a placement identity, you know?
8:07
And I struggled with it and it wasn't for any other reason
8:10
except visually I didn't look like my parents and personality
8:15
wise, we clashed. And so instead of that was a
8:18
different generation, instead of trying to understand it and
8:22
figure out where you fit in which, you know, social media
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and things like that, help us figure that out and find that,
8:28
you know, connection. Back then it was like you do or
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you don't. So was school good for you?
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Did you like school? My parents were two things
8:40
educational. Because your parents were
8:42
teachers. So this is the reason I ask.
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Like it is a kid that has teachers as parents.
8:47
Did you like school? I loved school because I hated
8:52
being home. To be honest.
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I've always had this energy and so being at school was a good
8:59
place to spend it. My parents made my brother and I
9:02
work and we worked by reading. Usually it was, you know, the
9:07
Bible or educational books, and they wanted to instill in US
9:12
good faith and education, and that was it.
9:15
And that, that probably set the tone off, right?
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And that's probably why I have, you know, a good head on my
9:21
shoulders to come back to. To be honest, I'm grateful that
9:23
they've instilled those things. And then just to top it off,
9:26
they sent me to a private school my entire life even though they
9:30
both taught at public schools. That's really interesting.
9:34
Was there a reason for that? They knew better and they they
9:38
their thought and image was if they know what's inside the
9:41
public school system, they would send my brother and I to a
9:43
private school so we would have a better education and better
9:47
opportunities. But as we know, same things are
9:50
in public schools. As everywhere.
9:52
Yeah, you're right. So true.
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OK, so you get through high school.
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High school it goes. Sounds like it went pretty well.
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What was what? Was your next step in life.
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So I was an athlete. I was daddy's, daddy's little
10:06
girl. There wasn't a sport I didn't
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play and I played them very well.
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Even the sports I didn't really think I wanted to play, like
10:13
volleyball, I excelled in. So varsity and Allstate was
10:18
something that I excelled in and playing college ball was
10:21
something I thought was going to happen.
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But there was a lot of turmoil behind the scenes at home
10:26
because I struggled a lot. Growing up in my childhood
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behind closed doors was incredibly rough.
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It was dark and I don't know how I survived it to be honest.
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So, OK, that sounds deep. I mean, it can.
10:39
Can you talk about like, why was that so dark?
10:43
Yes. So the very first time that I
10:47
remember something traumatic happening, I was still in a
10:50
diaper and I was sexually abused by the grandmother's neighbor
10:54
boy. And I think that that kind of
10:57
just set the tone from there on out, because I do believe
11:01
heavily in energy. And at that moment I broke.
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And I think that that energy that I carried from then on out,
11:08
the way that things were handled or lack thereof, then emitted.
11:13
And it's like I just drew that in my whole childhood and it
11:17
didn't matter where I was going. That seemed to be what I find.
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So when I graduated high school, instead of going the route of
11:25
education and college, which I had in the bag, I left and I
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fled town and I decided to join the adult industry.
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Wow, what Miss Independence? So you, you just, and at this
11:40
point in your life, Kristen did, did your parents know that you
11:46
were struggling with this? Or is this something you just
11:47
kept all within you, deep within you?
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Was it like a discussion that they try to help you with?
11:53
Or was it something you just shut off and and you kept to
11:55
yourself? When you're a child, you go
11:58
through a lot of different emotions.
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Looking back on it now, my my parents and I have come very,
12:02
very far. There was a a long detest for
12:08
how they handled things because what I wanted was somebody to
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grab me, protect me and make all the bad guys disappear.
12:15
But my parents are a forgiven turn the other cheek.
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And they were also in a generation where things occurred
12:22
to them, you know, or happened to them as well, but their
12:27
families taught them to be seen and unheard.
12:30
And so it's the the trauma that we pass through the generations
12:33
and the stigmas that we give and allow.
12:36
And you learn to be silent. And then when the, I guess when
12:42
it just brew so much, you explode, right?
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So then it comes out as disciplinary and then I am the
12:47
unruly child. And really, I was just pleading
12:50
for somebody to save me. So you leave to get out of this.
12:56
The adult film industry is a multi billion dollar industry,
13:00
but people always wonder like how does somebody ever find
13:03
that? How does somebody get into that?
13:05
Like where does that? It's all around us, but how did
13:08
it find you? So it wasn't even just the film
13:13
industry actually, and this is the first you're kind of
13:16
hearing. I'm actually giving this out.
13:18
I haven't said a whole lot of this, but it was escort, escort
13:21
agency. I saw an ad in a paper.
13:24
I was 18 with a mindset of 12 maybe.
13:27
And I was like, hey, that sounds good.
13:29
I'll get paid. So I got on a bus, which ended
13:32
me up on a plane. And I showed up in a town that I
13:34
had no idea what I was doing, who I was meeting, where I was
13:38
going, how I was going to exist. And then that was the next few
13:43
years of my life. Scared.
13:47
To be honest, no, I wasn't. I was so excited to taste what I
13:52
thought maybe existed out there, but I wasn't really sure because
13:55
I hadn't seen the movies and I hadn't heard the music.
13:57
I was very sheltered. And so the second that plane
14:02
landed, I was like hello world. And it was good, until it
14:07
wasn't. OK, well let's let's kind of
14:11
dive into that. How did your nightmare land on
14:15
you? Like what was?
14:19
What was the event? So I would say that typically it
14:25
goes you get a taste of, of money and power or freedom is
14:31
what you tell yourself it is. And then you can't control
14:35
yourself. And I know for me, I'm
14:36
sheltered. So I was like, what?
14:38
Yeah, he's like a wild child left loose, right?
14:41
And knowing who was controlling me, mom and dad weren't there
14:43
anymore. And everybody in that world is
14:46
saying, hey, it's fine, do whatever you want, You do you.
14:49
And so there was no guidance. And eventually the drugs in the
14:54
partying become addiction, and the addiction becomes chaos.
14:59
And then the second you get in trouble, you're in the system
15:03
and it starts with something small, but now you're addicted
15:06
to drugs and so you're more careless and you can't complete
15:09
probation. And it just spirals, you know?
15:12
And it spiraled so far that I lost everything, got kicked out
15:17
of the state. I don't know how I didn't do
15:19
prison time. Should have, might have helped
15:22
me sooner. But we're all on our journey.
15:24
And I moved back home to Arizona, but nothing changed,
15:29
just my location. And, you know, I had all the
15:32
stories and I was living the life.
15:34
And then I meet somebody and I decide, OK, I'll do the white
15:38
picket fence thing. I'm going to get married.
15:40
I'm going to have children. I'm going to send them to a
15:41
private school. I'm going to pretend that
15:43
everything's OK. Except it was an abusive
15:45
marriage. And I sat in it for 10 years.
15:48
And I lost myself even more because I never understood
15:52
loving myself. So I looked for love in other
15:55
people and this time was different because I had little
16:00
ones and the only time that I had been sober since this, the
16:04
second I started doing drugs at 18 was when I was pregnant and
16:09
nursing. So that three or four year
16:11
window, the rest of the time it's been heavy addiction
16:14
because I needed to drowned out what was in here.
16:18
My nightmare was I hung out with the wrong people.
16:24
I was looking for love. My children are five and six at
16:28
this time and I cause a car accident, foresaid person.
16:34
I feel guilt. I am older.
16:37
I loan money to go get pain pills to help the accident,
16:43
except the money gets stolen and so when we go to retrieve the
16:47
money we do things we're not supposed to do, which is
16:51
crossing a threshold. And I picked up an armed robbery
16:53
and assault with a deadly weapon charge and I never went home
16:56
again. Well, until I came home.
16:58
Wow, Kristen, so that that I mean what you just said there,
17:03
it's like a whole bunch of of a nightmare.
17:07
How old do you? How old would you?
17:09
So your kids were, you said were five and 4-5 and six, five and
17:17
six. So you're this mom, you get this
17:20
charge with this in the wrong place, wrong area, trying to get
17:25
by when they take you in. Did you know how serious this
17:32
situation you knew? Like what?
17:35
Was going on. It was freaking out.
17:36
Yeah. We were in the back of the
17:37
armored car because SWAT had to come and he was freaking out.
17:42
This wasn't my first rodeo. I think that I had been
17:45
admitting that I needed help. Somebody needed to step in,
17:48
because if it wasn't me, it was going to be something harmful to
17:51
my children. So I couldn't do the job right.
17:55
And I knew in that moment in the back of that truck, I'm going to
18:01
pay for all those things and it's going to start now.
18:04
And it did. How long did it take you to get
18:07
through the whole process from the time that you get picked up
18:11
to the time that you, I'm assuming you didn't go to trial,
18:15
I'm assuming that was some type of plea.
18:18
How long did all that take for you So.
18:21
The first month and 1/2 in King County was really hard.
18:25
It's the worst place I've ever ever been and seen.
18:28
I would not wish that on anybody.
18:30
No county is the worst place I think.
18:33
Don't you? Wouldn't you agree that's rock
18:34
bottom? Yeah, it's rock bottom.
18:36
Yeah, you stoop to levels. It's, it's it's sad.
18:40
I I feel bad for anybody who's in there for a stint of time
18:45
because I just can't imagine what that does to you.
18:47
It's it's like being in the hole.
18:48
You know you're not going to come out the same person.
18:50
It's rough. And my parents, I'm blessed
18:53
enough that family blessed them and they were able to bail me
18:57
out while we figured things out. And it was probably less about
19:01
me and more for my children because at the same time, their
19:03
father also completely removed himself from the picture.
19:07
And so they had my my parents, their grandparents, which a lot
19:11
of people don't have, but my parents allowed me to come out
19:15
and spend the time with them while we figured things out
19:18
before I turned myself in. So it was about a year and I
19:21
turned myself in mid 18. So, and, and I, I meant to ask
19:28
you, when all this was going on, Kristen and you moved back, did
19:31
did your parents sense that things were not right?
19:35
Or was it more of you were living this life?
19:38
You were living 2 lives before you?
19:42
My parents have always known that things are a disaster.
19:46
My parents have always been on the edge of their seat.
19:49
Those poor, poor people have they've.
19:52
Gone on a journey? Yes, but I think that the thing
19:57
that makes it really beautiful is we have come to a forgiving
20:02
standpoint and understanding because there is no manual for
20:05
parenting. We're all going to make
20:07
mistakes. Some are really damaging, but
20:11
it's what we do with them and move forward.
20:14
And I would not be who I am now, nor would I be able to have the
20:17
impact I have now, be able to reach all the women in the
20:20
avenues that I can if I did not experience it myself.
20:24
Because I do know that when I was placed in front of
20:27
counselors many times, I thought, what do you, what do
20:31
you know? Have you been through this?
20:33
And I didn't want to listen. So the more you know.
20:38
It's so true. The more you know the OK, so you
20:42
got a year between all this and then you go, you go in.
20:47
What were you thinking and how how long were you supposed to
20:52
go? What was your?
20:53
So shamefully, I thought I was going to have one hell of a
20:57
time. I was not in the mindset to
21:00
change. Right.
21:02
I was going to do my time. I put money on my books so I'd
21:05
have a cushion and I was just going to do me and then I'd get
21:09
out because I knew that there would be an end date.
21:11
I had no idea what was going to occur in that place, the goods
21:15
and the bad I. How long did they?
21:18
Really get three years, which I hate to admit, to be honest,
21:23
because that's a drop in the bucket and there's people in
21:26
there doing double, triple that for way less.
21:29
So it's, you know, the system, it's the scales are not weighed
21:32
evenly. And I'm grateful that that's all
21:35
the time I needed. So you went in thinking, OK, I'm
21:39
I'm going to do my time. I'm going to do whatever I need
21:43
to do. I don't need this, but I have to
21:46
do it. When did things start feeling
21:52
different for you or your mindset having a change?
21:57
I had a counselor believe in me for no reason.
22:03
I was his clerk and I tried to get tickets so I didn't have to
22:08
go down to minimum. And he asked me why.
22:12
And he don't like my reason, which was, well, hearsay.
22:15
Who wants to be in a Bay when you could be in a cell?
22:18
And he said, well, I'm not going to write that ticket.
22:20
And then he didn't write the next two.
22:22
So I reclassed. And he told me you're smart,
22:28
like you don't belong here. And then he said, which was
22:30
really hurtful at that time to my pride.
22:32
He said you're not a gangster and that stuck with me.
22:40
And when you hit minimum, it's very different.
22:43
The mindset is different and it took me a while to get in the
22:46
flow of things, but I found my groove and that's when
22:51
everything changed because it was that sliver of hope and then
22:56
being around other people that had the slivers of hope and it
22:59
was being removed from the utter darkness and moving forward.
23:05
And I felt that for the first time.
23:06
Wow, that is so interesting because those things can be
23:12
something that can change your life, like a counselor saying
23:15
that something like that to you. I was interviewing somebody the
23:19
other day where he had the exact opposite experience with a
23:22
counselor. He told the counselor he wanted
23:24
to be an attorney. Counselor laughed at him.
23:28
He is an attorney now. He had to go through a lot to
23:31
get there because the board and everything, everything else was
23:34
involved in that. But that inspired him in a
23:39
different way. But this person believed in you,
23:42
saw something in you, and you opened up to it.
23:48
Which How far along in your sentence were you when that
23:51
happened? Just under a year, OK.
23:56
So I'd say almost the half point.
24:00
OK. Now are you staying at this time
24:04
Kristen plugged in to the kids and your parents and that or OK,
24:10
so. That journey, I had a lot of
24:12
visits, Yeah, I had a lot of visits until COVID.
24:15
Right. So you experienced COVID in
24:18
prison, which I can't imagine experiencing COVID in prison
24:22
because there's, there's just these little bitty things that
24:27
you think that you have like ownership of.
24:29
And it's usually like your schedule, you know, like, OK, I
24:32
go work out at this time and then I go do my job at this time
24:36
and I go take my shower. You get kind of
24:38
institutionalized into that routine, 'cause you think you
24:41
own it. I, I sit here, you know, I sit
24:43
on this. I know fitness became a, a big
24:46
deal for you. Did did that?
24:48
Was that all part of this change in the mindset?
24:52
It was. It was the biggest part.
24:54
Yeah, I've always been an athlete and people work out not
24:57
like on the men's prison, but on minimum.
25:00
I deep dived into fitness. You know, you've got ample
25:03
amounts of time and people started to notice and they
25:07
wanted some of that, but I wasn't there yet.
25:10
So it took me a while and I was growing.
25:13
I definitely was not who I am today or even a portion of it.
25:16
I was still majorly growing. And it took a few times of
25:20
people saying, hey, why do you do that?
25:22
That's ugly. And I realized the more that
25:25
that happened that if I owned that ugliness, I could actually
25:31
fix it instead of pretending it didn't exist.
25:35
And everybody else knows. Like that just didn't make sense
25:38
to me. But I had never thought that
25:39
way. And I just wanted to be
25:42
different because I I do remember the definition of
25:45
insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and
25:48
expecting a different. Result.
25:49
But we do it. So what if we don't do that?
25:53
And I guess that led me to leading a class, which was huge
25:58
for me because I kept saying no, I'm not going.
26:01
To is there already a class Kristen?
26:04
Like no, this OK, so how how do how does this happen for you in
26:10
prison? Because it's not really easy to
26:11
do that. You know, it's to get people
26:13
together and think, OK, we're going to do this all together.
26:17
I mean, that's true. Yeah, I have no idea.
26:20
I have no idea. This is what I can tell you.
26:21
In 6th grade, I'm pulled into the principal's office with the
26:26
other popular boy in the grade. And the principal says to our
26:30
mothers, these are leaders right here.
26:32
It's just which direction are they going to lead people?
26:35
And I remember this guy. What does he know?
26:38
And I will never forget that because it's true.
26:41
I am a leader. And I've been leading people the
26:43
wrong way the whole time because, well, I had no idea.
26:47
And so in that moment, I realized, oh, I'm going to lead
26:51
these people through this fitness class.
26:53
Really, I just want them to leave me alone.
26:55
But if I do a class, I can do it all at the same time.
26:58
So it's 1, you know, nutshell of people.
27:01
And I don't have to give me up too much time.
27:03
So I did something very uncomfortable and for the first
27:05
time, I gave a speech to the Yard.
27:08
And so many people showed up. And then 75 women signed up for
27:13
my class. A Let's talk about this.
27:16
Let's Kristen, let's talk about this speech.
27:19
I mean, so you give a speech on a prison yard, which is kind of
27:21
a big deal. I mean, for all of us who bid on
27:25
a prison yard, a speech on a prison yard can't happen.
27:29
But what, what did you do? What was it?
27:32
What did you say? I wrote little Flyers and I put
27:36
them in the bays. I told people when to meet me in
27:38
the chow hall and I had my closest friend show up for the
27:41
support and then I had them bring their friends.
27:43
And then before you knew it, the chow hall was packed.
27:46
And then I just LED with my heart.
27:47
And I will tell you this, I cried, they cried.
27:50
It made me cry more, but it LED with this.
27:55
For whatever reason, I feel compelled to help you and share
27:57
what I have. If you want it, it's yours.
28:00
If you don't want it, that's fine.
28:02
But eventually we're going to get out of here because
28:04
everybody in that yard is five years under.
28:07
And if there's something that I know it's if you feel confident
28:11
out here, then there might be a chance that you're going to feel
28:15
confident in here. And the last thing I want is for
28:17
women especially to leave those gates and hate what they see in
28:21
the mirror because we haven't looked in the mirror for so long
28:24
and think, you know what, I'm just going to hit that pipe for
28:27
a weekend and I'm going to be OK because they won't be.
28:31
And that's why I ran the class and the women showed up.
28:34
Wow, so that was this. That was the start of the
28:36
blueprint. It was.
28:39
Yeah. OK, so this thing starts up,
28:41
Kristen and and the first class, What are you thinking after this
28:45
first class is over? As Kristen Klein?
28:48
I just did a class in prison with a bunch of women who seem
28:51
to be really into it. I thought I was nuts.
28:55
I thought they were nuts. I had no formal coaching skills.
29:00
I hadn't taken formal, you know, I asked athletic classes, but
29:04
not exercise classes. And so I just kind of pull
29:08
things out from wherever I could.
29:09
I started reaching out to get things sent in.
29:11
And then anything I could possibly learn, I retaught.
29:14
And they kept showing up. And I had two classes, advanced
29:17
and Beginners. I separated them.
29:20
We tracked it. I had them journal, the weight
29:23
loss we saw, the camaraderie we saw.
29:25
And then somehow I was able to get certificates printed out.
29:31
And what's amazing is I posted not too long ago on Facebook and
29:35
these women started posting their certificates that they
29:37
still have. Oh, that's awesome.
29:39
I love it. The question I was going to ask
29:42
you too is like, OK, there's a bunch of CE OS around, you know,
29:45
that are walking around. What what was did they accept
29:51
this? Did they cheer it on?
29:52
Did they was there support? What what what happened with on
29:57
that side of things? I did try to make it official.
30:00
I was maintenance and I knew I was leaving in three months.
30:03
That was the goal. So I wanted to step away from
30:05
maintenance and run the yard. And anybody who was on that yard
30:10
knew I was an athlete and people wanted to train and you know, so
30:14
I had a good rapport. But the warden and the deputy
30:17
warden at that time had shot me down.
30:19
They would not release me from my job, which only gave me a
30:22
small sliver of time that I could do this in.
30:25
But there were so many women. So I just committed anyways.
30:28
And then my immediate bosses understood and they were easier
30:32
on me for the work days and we did it anyways.
30:35
But I can tell you this, there was not a day that we worked out
30:39
that there were not officers everywhere on both sides of that
30:42
yard watching. What time of day did you do
30:46
these classes? In on the weekends, in the
30:50
morning, 3 hours in the on the on the weekdays after work.
30:55
So you had to choose to come home, dress out, miss chow or
31:01
have somebody get it. And then we ran class till the
31:03
yard closed in time for you to shower.
31:05
It took dedication. That's that's fantastic.
31:10
Well, let's take a break there because I want to, I want to
31:12
talk about what and, and how you were thinking about re entry
31:18
into this back into society and, and how this all happened for
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And the Nightmare Success Podcast is sponsored by the
32:00
White Collar Support Group, world's first support group
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devoted to people navigating the white collar criminal justice
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system. I'm a member of the White Collar
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32:23
So you get all this going, Kristen, and you're, I'm, I'm,
32:29
I'm thinking you're feeling good about yourself.
32:31
I'm thinking this is, you know, you're inspiring women, but I'm
32:34
sure it's, it's, it's inspiring you.
32:36
I mean, it's it's it's kind of like I'm thinking when you're
32:39
talking about this, it's kind of like when I got started at this
32:42
show Four Seasons ago, I didn't know what to think about it
32:48
because I didn't know anything about podcasting or having a
32:50
show or anything. In the first, you know,
32:54
interview I did, I thought, Oh my gosh, I love this.
32:57
This is a platform. These are stories that don't get
32:59
told. And it could possibly change the
33:02
narrative that these stories could actually make someone
33:07
relatable, that there could be connections made.
33:09
So when they run across somebody who's because they don't know
33:12
people have gone to prison, they'll think, Oh, well, wait,
33:15
maybe I'll give that person an opportunity because I know this
33:17
and that. Or they themselves use the tools
33:19
that Kristen Klein uses to get themselves unstuck.
33:24
And so it re inspires me when I interview you, Kristen, I get re
33:27
inspired. Did you get re inspired by
33:29
helping these women on the on the yard?
33:31
Absolutely. I mean, beyond inspiration.
33:34
That's the very first time I felt purpose, and I never even
33:37
knew what that meant before. Yeah.
33:40
OK. So you've gone through this
33:44
hellacious journey of, you know, everything that's happened up to
33:48
this point. You're getting have an out date.
33:52
What are you thinking about that out date?
33:54
What are you thinking about re entering society?
33:58
So truth be told, I didn't want to re enter.
34:02
I was terrified. I knew the safety net that I had
34:06
created inside and I had become this person that was different
34:09
inside. But once you get outside, life
34:13
hits you in the face. And I'm, I don't know what that
34:15
entails. I don't know how to adult.
34:19
I was in my late 30s. To me, that was old.
34:23
You know, I'm, what am I going to do?
34:25
And I felt like I had the scarlet letter FI was
34:29
embarrassed. I was unskilled.
34:32
I knew there was places I couldn't go, things I didn't
34:35
want to do. But then what am I left with?
34:37
And I'd always been taken care of, you know, going into prison.
34:42
I was married, I got divorced in prison.
34:45
So I wasn't sure what to do inside.
34:48
I did meet somebody in the most unluckily unlikeliest of places.
34:53
And it started with friendship 1st.
34:55
And it was a person that called me on my behaviors because I
34:58
needed somebody to do that. I needed somebody who was
35:01
willing to air my ugly so I could face them head on.
35:04
And she was strong enough to do that.
35:06
And so I, I didn't want to leave that person behind either, but I
35:12
knew that my kids needed me. So I hit the gate and I was
35:16
blessed enough to be able to go home to my parents who were
35:18
raising my kids. I had a bedroom.
35:21
And I thought it was ironic because this is a place that I
35:24
had run from, you know, for so long.
35:26
But the universe knew what I needed and I still had things to
35:29
face. And to be honest, when I first
35:32
got out, fighting is what I did with my mother.
35:34
And then something changed just like that.
35:36
I don't know. There was just this moment.
35:38
And truly, this is what's funny. You know that saying when life
35:42
gives you lemons? And it was that saying.
35:45
And so sometimes I throw that out there.
35:46
I'm just making lemonade. So that's what I do.
35:50
I make lemonade. Well, I mean, because I always
35:54
want to dive into re entry because there's, you know, this
35:57
this show goes into 1100 prisons on the adobo platform.
36:00
And I think a lot of people, what happens is you have
36:06
community in prison because everybody is, they can't go
36:09
anywhere. So you're dealing with the same
36:11
hell together and it becomes known and, and that becomes your
36:17
ugly routine that you're used to.
36:20
And you know, you'll see people, and I know Kristen, you probably
36:24
did too. You'll see people that will get
36:26
close to the door of their date and they'll do something.
36:31
Maybe they'll put hands on a guard or they'll, they'll
36:33
violate or they'll do something to stay.
36:36
And what has happened is, is they've become so familiar and
36:42
you know, the the arms of comfort have come around them in
36:45
this prison. And it's something they hate,
36:48
but it's something they know. And the unknown then becomes
36:51
freedom of society. And it isn't easy to get back
36:56
out. That's one thing that shouldn't
36:58
be sugar coated, but it can be done.
37:01
But you have to have a, you have to have the right mindset to
37:04
know that yes, you will have a scarlet letter on you and the
37:11
barriers, you know it's legal to discriminate against you.
37:15
How did you get through it? I think my purpose pushed me
37:24
further than my fears. I was just tired of living in
37:28
that stigma and changing my mindset is everything that I
37:31
worked on, and that's what I discovered through fitness.
37:35
When you're pounding it on the cement and you have to be really
37:38
creative in prison because you don't have the typical weights,
37:40
you know, and you're going in a loop around the track, you think
37:44
a lot. And it just kept coming back to
37:48
the insanity and why things weren't working.
37:51
And I'm intelligent, so I couldn't get my brain around,
37:55
why are things this way? Why can't I get them here?
37:57
What is different about everybody else?
37:59
And then I realized, oh, your mind is like a muscle, your
38:03
behaviors are like muscles. And it's uncomfortable while
38:07
you're training them. But as soon as they're trained,
38:09
then it is growth from there on out.
38:11
And that is what I continued to do.
38:14
And so it started with little seeds.
38:17
But then as I got out, I made strides.
38:21
I nicked music from my life. If I was listening to something,
38:24
it was audiobooks or podcasts from people that I respected,
38:27
admired, and wanted to be like. And I started to fill my entire
38:31
being with the things that I wanted to become.
38:35
And then I became them because I was doing the work.
38:39
I was showing up. My actions and my words were
38:42
aligning. I was doing more work.
38:44
I was doing it for free, something I had to learn, and
38:48
then I did some more work for free.
38:50
And that was basically how I did it.
38:52
And the more that I did that, the more the stigma and the
38:55
scarlet F faded because, well, when you do the work, that's all
39:04
people remember. And I slowly saw that felon
39:09
status fade away. And believe me, it's there.
39:12
I'm lucky enough that with a nonprofit, I don't have to try
39:15
to seek approval for a job because it is hard.
39:18
And yes, you're right, re entry is hard.
39:20
Pretending it's not, that's not, that's not legit hard.
39:23
It's hard and it's, it's emotionally grueling.
39:25
Being told no is rough. But if you have that mindset and
39:29
you know what you want and you see people like us, people like
39:32
Kristen, people like you, we exist.
39:35
That's why we have to continue doing what we're doing because
39:37
we're the ones that know what it's like to be in the dark.
39:40
That's why I make it my entire goal to go back in and pull
39:43
people out of the fire, one at a time maybe.
39:47
I love that. And you know, I think the thing
39:49
that you keep coming back to is that purpose and, and that made
39:53
you go to the people that you thought, OK, I need to know more
39:56
about that. I admire that.
39:58
I want to, I want to be that. And, and you don't get there
40:01
without purpose. What, like there's an old
40:04
Chinese proverb that says you get down, get knocked down 7
40:08
times, get up 8. The only reason why you would
40:10
get up the 8th time is you have a reason to get up.
40:13
And I think that's what you're saying, Kristen, is that you,
40:17
you found your purpose. It obviously was not easy, but
40:21
it was you started training your mind out of the negative and
40:25
showing the positive movie and, and your brain doesn't know the
40:28
difference. You know it, it'll believe, you
40:30
know it believes fear it'll and and if it doesn't know the
40:34
difference between real or not real and the same thing was with
40:38
positive goals. You know the IT doesn't know the
40:41
as long as you're telling yourself that you can do it and
40:43
you're put putting all the effort and work to do it, it
40:47
starts happening. So convicted comeback because I
40:52
love, you know, I I love the thing that people love comeback
40:55
stories. And and I think that's another
40:57
thing, Kristen too, that as hard as re entry as people are
41:03
cheering for you, if you're putting in the effort, because
41:08
they naturally like to see people fall and fail.
41:11
They like to see people get back up and have a comeback.
41:15
How did come back convicted comeback become real in making
41:22
it and and it becoming something?
41:25
So I have to give enough credit to my spouse, Megan, because
41:31
when you find an accountability partner that really motivates
41:35
you and when you find that bond from prison, you know you have
41:40
that understanding because you've done that same journey.
41:43
So I held that bond really close and we knew that we shouldn't be
41:49
here and maybe a gesture of gratitude, we should just give
41:56
it away, whatever it was. So we started small with like
42:01
taking things to the homeless and we were really struggling.
42:07
I waited two years for her to get out.
42:08
She has a completely different story because she took her
42:11
prison blue collar trade and now she excels and has out excels
42:15
all the men in her field and she's the top in her AC company.
42:19
And so that's just amazing. And we just made this agreement
42:22
that she would work and I would be able to chase my dreams and
42:26
create the nonprofit because our entire goal was if we didn't
42:31
know that we could make it. How many more do you think don't
42:34
know? So isn't it our duty to go and
42:37
share that word? And so convicted comeback?
42:41
There you go. And you, you and I were talking
42:45
before we got on about going back into the prison.
42:49
First of all, how did you get back into the prison?
42:51
It's not easy. It isn't.
42:53
It's funny. I I wrote a book, little self
42:57
help book. It's called How to Adult After
42:59
Incarceration and. Someday title.
43:01
What was that again? How to adult after?
43:03
Incarceration after incarceration I.
43:05
Love. That and it is because, you
43:08
know, I needed a manual, I needed somebody to tell me
43:10
here's the steps and so I created.
43:12
It just with that title. No, I didn't.
43:15
I I just I have not published it.
43:17
Oh gosh, that's a catchy title. I love it.
43:20
I really want to get it in the hands of like some second chance
43:23
programmers because it it's good.
43:25
It's good stuff. And my hardest critic, my wife
43:29
Megan, says it's good. And so I know it works because
43:32
it's truly the things that we implemented.
43:35
And so if we've done it, it's going to work for you too, you
43:37
know? And so I presented the book to
43:39
the prison and they mostly laughed, but I don't think they
43:43
read it or understood the magnitude behind it.
43:46
But they were like, we have programs for this.
43:49
And so I said, OK, well, I really want to come in.
43:52
How do I do it? And I had just come off paper
43:55
because that's also what I believed, that you couldn't go
43:57
in until you're off paper. And so I'm listing all the
44:01
things. No, it's not.
44:03
True. OK, I didn't.
44:04
Know, I think it depends on who you want to go in with, how
44:06
you're getting in there, but it's not true.
44:08
And that's something I definitely hold value in and am
44:10
changing. Those that are living the story
44:14
share the best experiences. Absolutely.
44:17
And so I started listing all the things that I could do and they
44:20
stopped at fitness and they said, well, fitness, you want to
44:23
come in and do fitness, sure, you can do that.
44:25
So I started writing programs around fitness as the medium,
44:28
but then I could plug in my mindset inside group and kind of
44:32
disguise it and then have my time with them.
44:35
And so that's what we did, Boot camp.
44:39
OK, so this started, gosh, I'm trying to think is it, has it
44:43
been 2 years, a year or something?
44:45
So NN last year was our very first program that we started to
44:50
run. We ran a six week boot camp with
44:52
a graduation and we had 42 graduates.
44:55
OK, so tell tell me, Kristen, what was it like to you were
45:00
doing this while you were in prison?
45:01
You go back now and you're putting this whole curriculum in
45:05
place this boot camp. How did let us know?
45:11
How did that feel like? What was it like?
45:15
So entering was weird. Going through in plain clothes
45:21
was weird. Seeing officers that I knew was
45:25
weird. Seeing officers that didn't like
45:28
me and gave me a hard time, that was shocked.
45:31
Really weird. Being handed a radio, super
45:35
weird. Terrifying.
45:39
Well, you didn't have any keys jangling though, did you?
45:42
I did not have any keys, but I'm telling you, the first time that
45:45
they gave us a radio to go on the yard, I was like not
45:47
touching it. I don't know what to do with
45:49
that. No, thank you.
45:51
Seeing women that I did time with broke my heart because I
45:59
knew they had gotten out before me and they were back.
46:01
And every single time that I went, it just further confirmed
46:05
why I was there. One, because people came out to
46:09
listen to me. Whatever reason I have that
46:11
leader status 2, they recognized me, that drew them out.
46:15
I speak their language. I hold that platform.
46:18
And so I don't know why I'm grateful for it.
46:21
Maybe I don't even want it sometimes, but I've got it.
46:23
And so I just use it and it works.
46:25
And we continue to show up. And even when I don't want to go
46:29
because I'm exhausted and I'm sick and life happens, I think
46:32
about what it's like to be them and waiting for somebody to show
46:35
up. So I put my shoes on and I go
46:38
and it doesn't even take me 5 minutes of being with them and
46:43
I'm ecstatic. And I remember why I do what I
46:45
do and I love them. And I can tell you I haven't
46:47
made a dime in over a year. But I can tell you show.
46:50
Up to do it. It's it's crazy if people want
46:53
to check you out, it's coach 0 excuses.
46:56
You can see what Kristen does and the, and the effort she puts
46:59
in and, and, and the difference in these people that you see
47:03
their face change and their, their body, you know, just the
47:09
posture and how they handled them.
47:11
So the whole thing I, I just, I just got so inspired by all the
47:14
different pieces of this that you're doing and knowing that
47:19
you're doing it because it meant so much to you and you're giving
47:22
back. I, I think it's, it's, it's very
47:26
meaningful when, when you can go through your own nightmare and
47:31
experience something that's meaningful to, to pay forward to
47:36
other people to help them. It just makes something out of,
47:41
you know, somebody, I can't remember who says this, but you
47:44
know, what happened to us doesn't define us.
47:46
It's a part of us. You know, we, we carry it with
47:50
us. You know, you and I going to
47:52
prison. We're different from going to
47:54
prison. Not that that's all we're about.
47:57
It's just part of who we are and how we identify with looking at
48:02
things. Now, I look at things
48:03
differently than I did before I went in, and there's nothing
48:07
that can change that. That's just the way I am.
48:08
I also experienced moments differently.
48:11
You know, I think about, you know, and I've been out nine
48:15
years and you've been out four or five years.
48:19
Yeah. And I still, and I, and I don't
48:22
want to lose this, Kristen. The moments like I've got the
48:27
other day, we were babysitting our grandkids.
48:29
And they're they're, they're both three years old.
48:32
And I was thinking we were, we were, I was just actually, we
48:35
had this little T thing and they were hitting the ball.
48:37
They're doing really good. And I was thinking how crazy it
48:40
would be if I wasn't here. I'm in this moment right now and
48:43
how much I just appreciate the fact that it could have been so
48:47
much different and I wouldn't be here to experience it if I would
48:52
have gotten a longer sentence and, and those type of things.
48:56
Also, you experience time differently.
48:59
And I think what I see with you, Kristen too, is that you're not
49:02
wasting any time. You have energy, you're using
49:06
this energy in a positive way, but you're not wasting any time.
49:09
You're, you're putting everything you have into
49:12
everything you do. And I, I think it's great.
49:15
And I, I just where do you want to go from here with this?
49:20
I think we're getting there. We have some big things coming
49:23
up. You know, our program started
49:25
small with one class on one yard and then the seniors reached
49:29
out. So I started running a seniors
49:31
class and then other people from other yards started reaching
49:35
out. So we created the Freedom Tour,
49:37
which is 15 hours inside the women's state prison.
49:40
We go to every single yard and see 7 populations, close custody
49:44
included. So it's a pretty intense day.
49:46
We've been doing that for the last five months.
49:50
And then we went and started to visit the men.
49:53
I'm a certified personal trainer and so is Megan and some others
49:56
on our team. So we are going to start
49:59
certifying men and women under convicted comeback and they're
50:04
going to be the comeback coaches and now we are going to spread.
50:11
So that we get a real certification for that.
50:13
Yes, we are partnered with Issa National and yes, this is real.
50:20
We've been pitching it to a couple of the men's prisons and
50:22
the women, yes. Wow, Kristen, wow.
50:28
I always ask people this in this show and I I'm curious what your
50:32
answer is. Is all this that you've gone
50:35
through? What do you think's your biggest
50:37
take away from this journey? People can change.
50:49
I know it's so simple, but we are conditioned to think that we
50:53
can't change, can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you can
50:58
change and we're all the same. Like even if we're all addicts,
51:04
we all have that addict story. Maybe there's something
51:07
different in our background. When I started to share parts of
51:09
my background, I realized how many people will also went
51:12
through those same things. And I share them because I want
51:15
people to know, hey, if this was your trauma, you're not alone.
51:20
Go make that lemonade and then change from it any time someone
51:25
points out a flaw. Any time you see an error in
51:29
your being, that is your opportunity to fix it.
51:32
What an amazing blessing is that you can literally perfect
51:36
everything that you are. Point out those flaws, accept
51:39
them with gratitude. I do, and that's what I teach
51:42
anybody in my class. We can become literally anything
51:45
that we want to. We have been stifled for decades
51:48
thinking that we can't. So I am here and my entire team,
51:52
which is now becoming a national tribe, is here to tell you you
51:56
want it, Go get it. Do the work.
51:57
You can become anything you want.
51:59
Wow, it's all about that mindset.
52:02
The right mindset and, and like you said, Kristen, you can
52:05
accomplish things you never thought you could accomplish
52:09
because you're, you have purpose, you're stepping forward
52:13
into it and things continue to happen.
52:16
You know, the other thing too, that I think that you're doing,
52:20
it's so impressive is, is that these things are also fearful
52:25
because they're each time you do something bigger, it's, or it's
52:30
an unknown and your step, you have have willed yourself to
52:34
step into the unknown to get to what you want.
52:36
And that's also part of the journey and keep going, Kristen.
52:41
It's it's it's inspiring stuff. It really is.
52:45
I want to thank Homestead financial home mortgage letting
52:49
me use this podcast room, fancy lights and stuff.
52:52
If you've got home mortgage needs out there, Greg, after you
52:54
have as your guy, he knows all that stuff.
52:56
If you're looking for a book before Kristen's comes out, hey,
53:00
I've got one. It's called Nightmare Success,
53:02
loyalty, betrayal, life behind bars, adapting and finally
53:05
breaking free. You got time.
53:09
Leave me a review on Apple. I love that.
53:11
Just love reading those. If you want to know what I'm
53:15
doing, go to brickcassidy.com. I spell it wrong.
53:17
I spell it with ATY, not ADY, as I used to say to my people when
53:21
I was writing my emails back and forth from Leavenworth.
53:24
Stay strong. I'll do the same.
53:25
Kristen Klein, I got to tell you, you, like I said at the
53:29
beginning, you, you are energy and inspiration all bottled up.
53:33
I just hope you just continue to just share that out with
53:36
everyone because it's making a difference.
53:38
Thank you and thank you for hearing my story.
53:41
Nightmare success in and out.