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are your feelings "good" or "bad"? · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  Your feelings are not bad. It doesn't matter how they may
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  feel. They may feel uncomfortable,
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  they may feel loud, they may feel overwhelming, but they're
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  not bad. Just because they don't feel
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  good doesn't mean that they're a bad thing.
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  Every feeling has its purpose and every feeling exists for a
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  reason. My name is Ethan Jewell and
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  welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
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  Today's episode is something that I've talked about before,
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  and I'm talking about it again because I feel like it is such
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  an incredibly important and underrated topic of discussion.
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  And that is the fact that your feelings are not a bad thing.
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  And I think it's very easy to label them as good or bad.
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  Even my first episode of this podcast is titled How to Feel
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  Your Bad Feelings. And I got to admit, I regret
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  that title a little bit. It's also my most popular
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  episode by far. And I think I was wrong.
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  I think by labeling those feelings as bad, I think I was
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  adding to this idea that we're going to talk about today.
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  I want to remind you, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a psychiatrist,
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  I'm not a therapist, I'm not a professional in the mental
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  health industry whatsoever. I'm just a normal guy who feels
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  some big feelings and wants to start the conversation around
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  mental health. So thank you so much for being
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  here and let's talk about why your feelings are not bad.
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  We're taught from pretty early on when we're learning about our
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  feelings, when we're learning about emotions, we learn that
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  certain feelings are good and certain feelings are bad.
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  Happiness is good, excitement is good, joy amazing, something
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  that should always be sought after and held onto.
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  But sadness, bad anger, dangerous fear, weakness, grief,
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  you need to just get over it. We're taught to run from the
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  so-called bad feelings, to hide from them, to bottle them up, to
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  just smile instead, to be OK even when we're not.
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  But here's the thing. Feelings are not on a scale.
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  They're not moral, they're not right or wrong.
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  They just are. They're messages from your body.
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  They're information from your mind, telling you what you need
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  to pay attention to, telling you what you need to feel.
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  They're telling you something important.
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  And calling them bad doesn't make them go away.
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  It just adds a layer of weird shame or or guilt or or pressure
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  or just a general negative context to what you're already
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  feeling. And when you start to believe
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  that your feelings are bad, you start to feel bad for even
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  having them. You get angry.
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  And then you feel guilty for being angry because you've
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  convinced yourself that that anger is a negative thing that
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  should never be felt. You feel anxious, and then you
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  feel ashamed for not being stronger.
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  You know, you cry and then apologize like your sadness is
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  something offensive to other people.
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  That extra layer of judgement is what really weighs us down.
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  Because by doing this, you're not just hurting, you're also
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  blaming yourself for hurting. You're not just sad.
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  You're you're telling yourself you're wrong for being sad.
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  And that keeps you stuck. It turns healing into hiding.
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  But what if you remove those labels?
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  What if sadness was able to just be sadness?
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  What if anger was a signal that something crossed a line within
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  you? What if anxiety was your nervous
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  system just asking for safety, asking for you to step back a
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  little bit? You're not broken for feeling
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  these things, and they're not bad.
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  It's not a dysfunction. You're just human.
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  I think it's really, really easy to get caught up in the labeling
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  of these feelings as either good or bad because let's be honest,
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  happiness feels good. Sadness feels bad.
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  And I think it's OK to say that these feelings feel bad, but to
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  label the feeling in general as just inherently bad.
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  Like there's no good that comes out of it.
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  Like there's no signaling from your body.
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  You know, that sadness might be telling you that you just need a
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  day off. That sadness might be telling
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  you that you just need to take it a little bit easier on
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  yourself and maybe telling you that somebody is hurting you.
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  Every feeling has a purpose, and every feeling is important.
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  I think it's OK to feel good or to feel bad, but I don't think
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  it's OK to say this feeling is a good thing or this feeling is a
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  bad thing. And it's a very small but
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  important distinction to make when we're healing our mental
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  health. So to help make this
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  distinction, I think that we should think about these
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  emotions a little bit like the weather, You know, sometimes it
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  rains and sometimes it storms. Sometimes it's sunny, but none
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  of that is bad. It's just the state of the sky,
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  and it passes. When you treat your emotions
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  like that, like passing storms instead of complete moral
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  failures, you can actually feel them instead of fighting them.
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  Anger can be a boundary that you didn't know you needed.
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  Grief can be proof of love. Fear can be a sign to slow down
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  and protect yourself. Even numbness is a message.
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  It's your body trying to tell you something.
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  Even disconnection is trying to tell you something.
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  None of these feelings are trying to ruin your life.
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  They're not malicious. They're not a bad thing.
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  They're trying to protect you, to guide you, to teach you more
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  about yourself. They just might not speak in
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  ways you're used to listening to.
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  I mean, what a world it would be to not have to earn our
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  feelings, to not have to justify their existence.
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  You're allowed to feel deeply in the same way you're allowed to
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  not feel deeply. You're allowed to be human
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  without apologizing for it because feelings aren't
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  problems, they're part of the process.
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  So if you've been calling your sadness bad, or your anger too
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  much or your fear pathetic, I want to invite you to shift
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  that. If you're feeling sad, if you're
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  struggling, instead of saying this is a bad thing to be
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  feeling or thinking that you're wrong for feeling this, instead
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  I encourage you to just TuneIn to listen a little bit closer to
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  understand what that sadness might be trying to tell you,
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  what that anxiety might be trying to tell you, what that
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  numbness might be trying to tell you.
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  Pay attention to the messages that your body and your mind are
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  giving you instead of pushing them away and saying this is
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  bad. I need to be feeling good.
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  Remove those labels and just be OK with the feelings existing.
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  Feelings are meant to come and they're meant to go.
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  They're not meant to stick around.
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  They're not meant to make you feel worse for feeling a certain
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  way. Remove those labels.
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  Let the feelings exist. Let them do their job of passing
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  through. Take that feeling, sit with it,
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  understand it. Don't call it good or bad, and
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  then let it go. That's all that feelings are
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  there for. They are a powerful tool for you
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  to understand more things about yourself.
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  And if we can remove these labels of good or bad and just
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  let these feelings exist, we can use that tool to better
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  understand ourselves, better understand our mental health,
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  and to better heal. And we're not going to do that
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  overnight. We're not going to do it
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  perfectly, but we can do it gently and slowly.
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  So the next time a tough feeling shows up, try saying this to
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  yourself. This feeling isn't bad.
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  It's just here and I can sit with it without shaming myself
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  for having it. You don't need to run from your
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  feelings, you just need to listen to them.
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  Because when you feel your feelings, and I mean really feel
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  them, you start to understand yourself in a whole new way.
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  And I think that's what healing really is, to just feel those
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  feelings, to use them as a tool to better understand yourself
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  and to not label them as good or bad, to just accept them as
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  feelings. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. Thank you so much for being here
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  and for feeling your feelings with me.
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  If you need help feeling your feelings, you should listen to
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  my music, Ethan Jewel on all platforms.
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  I almost guarantee it'll make you cry or bring up some kind of
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  feeling. Also, please drop me a comment
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  and let me know what you thought about today's episode.
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  If you think that the labeling of feelings as good or bad is a
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  good or bad thing. Like I said, I'm not a
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  professional, so I would love to hear your thoughts on this as
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  well. So thank you so much for being
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  here. Thank you for understanding that
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  your feelings are not good or bad, they're just feelings.
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  And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
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  I'll see you next time.