Latest / Yes And Land / Tangled and Surviving Cancer With Your Light On | Carli Williams

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Tangled and Surviving Cancer With Your Light On | Carli Williams · Yes And Land

0:00
Entangled, Mother Gothel spends 18 years convincing
0:03
Rapunzel that the world will destroy her light.
0:06
But her light was never Gothel's to take. I really
0:09
see me a lot in that because, you know, wanting
0:13
love and adoration and to be taken care of, I
0:16
dimmed that light. I let people take advantage
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of, like, a lot of my gifts. It was so bad, it
0:22
just wasn't even a fight anymore. The treatment's
0:24
too hard. I'm terrified to like be in the world
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anymore. I don't, I'm done. And any voice that
0:29
is negative is not coming from a source of truth
0:31
and light. You get to decide what your life is
0:34
and who you are. People say life sucks and then
0:36
you die. Yeah. I'm like, not in my world. Yeah,
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no way. I reject that notion. I'm like, life's
0:41
magical. Go out and smell a flower. Welcome to
0:46
Yes and Land, where we say yes to the reality
0:49
of yesterday and today. And we say and to the
0:53
possibility, growth, and imagination of tomorrow.
1:04
Welcome back to another episode of Yes and Land.
1:07
Entangled, Mother Gothel spends 18 years convincing
1:11
Rapunzel that the world will destroy her light.
1:14
But her light was never Gothel's to take. My
1:17
guest today, Carly Williams, knows what it means
1:19
to fight for your light. She's faced battles
1:22
most of us can't imagine, and in her darkest
1:24
chapter, she found a golden thread. Today we're
1:27
talking about compassion with boundaries and
1:29
why kindness is the harder path, but the right
1:32
one. So Carly, welcome to Yes and Land. Thank
1:35
you so much for having me. I'm actually so grateful
1:38
to be here because my brother, and we'll get
1:41
into a little bit of this story, fascinating.
1:44
He was an animator for Disney and he worked on
1:47
Rapunzel's hair in the movie. And I seriously
1:52
am Rapunzel, really. And so I'm just grateful
1:55
my brother died last year from cancer. And I'm
1:58
just like, I love honoring him and feeling like
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he's like a little, you know, he's helping me
2:05
and guiding me. So I was grateful that this popped
2:07
up because he worked for Disney. Yeah, what a
2:10
neat memory for you to have and to honor him.
2:14
And we will definitely dive in more of that.
2:16
I think it's, there's a lot I think that people
2:19
can learn from your experiences as you've gone
2:21
through some like hard things in your life. And
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it's going to be. Maybe a little bit hard. We're
2:25
going to have to be a little vulnerable, right?
2:27
But in talking about some of those things, and
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I'm excited for our audience to be able to connect
2:33
with some of those experiences as they face trials,
2:36
as they face some things that are really hard
2:37
and kind of see really a glimpse into what you've
2:41
done to move through those trials, pass those
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trials, work with those trials, and find the
2:47
good in life, right? Find, like Rapunzel does,
2:51
the light. So it's going to be a really, I don't
2:55
want to say fun because like some things are
2:56
just like heavy, but like I think a really, really
2:58
enlightening, inspiring conversation. Like everybody
3:01
buckle up. Like this is going to be a good one.
3:03
This is going to be a real good one. Real good.
3:05
Okay. So let's take us back. Like what, take
3:08
us all the way back to like little Carly. Like
3:11
where did you grow up? What was little Carly
3:13
like? I grew up in Draper, Utah. And I was in
3:19
musical theater. I was obsessed with musical
3:23
theater and that's where I grew up is in the
3:25
theater. And I feel like it gave me a sense of
3:30
confidence because you have to put yourself out
3:32
there. And I became really comfortable with putting
3:34
myself out there. My dad is an incredible guitar
3:38
player and singer. And so I inherited a lot of
3:43
his talent. And then my mom also was in theater
3:46
and she was a director. And I was just very outgoing
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and my, I just, I loved being on stage and I
3:57
developed my personality and a lot of my confidence
4:00
there growing up. And I was so grateful for that
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because in theater and even in a lot of the Disney
4:04
movies, you can't have everybody look the same.
4:08
Everybody has to play a part and every part is
4:10
so important and you can't look. And so everybody
4:15
was needed in that. And so when I went to school,
4:19
I was able to connect with a lot of different
4:22
people because I understood that everybody played
4:25
a part. And we needed every single person to
4:29
create this beautiful production. And so I was
4:31
around a lot of people that didn't look like
4:33
me because you can't cast the ingenue in every
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single role. Sure. You know, and I think that
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that gave me such an advantage. Yeah. I just
4:44
love people and I'm really outgoing and I want
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to hear everybody's stories and I'm kind and
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I'm inclusive. And I've really loved that about
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me. When you were growing up, what were one of
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your favorite musicals? Like which ones did you
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just love growing up? I loved, and still do,
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Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
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That's why I got on stage as I saw Donny Osmond
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and I was like, mom, I am going to be brave and
5:10
I'm going to audition, you know? And then I loved
5:15
Aida. Do you remember Aida? Oh, yeah. Like loved
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Aida. But I feel like I wanted to be Aida and
5:21
not the strongest suit character, which, you
5:24
know, everybody wanted to cast me in. But those
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were my two favorites for sure. Yeah. When you're
5:31
talking about everybody kind of playing a role,
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what came to my mind is when I think back on
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some of my experiences in the theater, I couldn't
5:39
do musical theater because I can't sing, like
5:40
legitimately can't. terrible but i did straight
5:43
plays and one of the most fun um ones that i
5:48
ever did was rumors by neil simon do you know
5:50
that one no it's very much an ensemble cast like
5:54
it's like there's not really a lead lead character
5:57
uh -huh and so wait and it wasn't a huge cast
6:00
either and we had to all like we had to all bring
6:03
for the plate at work was like every character
6:06
had to bring their unique touch and unique feel
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And man, I had a great time doing that play because
6:13
of it. And you just build such like a fun, special
6:16
connection with your classmates when you do theater.
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Like there's something cool about theater. There
6:20
is something so cool about theater. And I, my
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daughter's doing theater right now. And I'm so
6:26
grateful because it is, there's something magical
6:29
about it. You know, you become so tight knit
6:32
and like people's weird quirks are accepted and
6:35
you're just weird together. You know, like you're
6:37
weird as kind of. celebrated because you have
6:40
to bring certain things to the characters and
6:43
you can be weird and it's like oh they're making
6:45
a choice there and how can we harness that you
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know and seeing my daughter blossom in that she's
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she's amazing like acting wise you're an actor
6:56
I'm not as good at acting I love like dancing
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and singing and being the ingenue and like you
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know but she is so hilarious and she had her
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comedic timing is just amazing i'm like where
7:07
did you get that she's she just did um she just
7:11
did the little mermaid oh and she was um scuttle
7:15
she oh stole the show she look a scuttle yeah
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hilarious and just like she i was blown away
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i was so proud of her because she and and she
7:27
was really sad when she got that role because
7:28
she wanted to be ariel and the director who by
7:33
the way writes plays for Broadway and has a bunch
7:35
of Tonys on her wall. So cool. It was so cool.
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And she's like, nobody can do Scuttle like Navy
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can. And so, you know, she was really, really
7:44
sad. And, and I was like, maybe seriously, you're
7:48
the only person that can do this role. And she
7:51
completely stole the show. People still refer
7:53
to her as Scuttle two years later. And, you know,
7:56
she was really sad about it, but then she like
7:58
stepped into this and it was cool to see that.
8:01
um somebody else could see something in her and
8:04
she didn't want to do it and then she you know
8:06
was able to just completely blossom in that role
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so cool there's um nothing about as good for
8:14
me as being in a production and having the audience
8:17
laugh at something you did especially if you
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happen to like ad -lib something that comes up
8:24
or like a mistake that's made but you can spin
8:26
it into something and people laugh like oh man
8:30
That's better than any drug for me. Like, give
8:32
me some laughter from the audience. And if you're
8:34
going through grief, laughter is so good. Dark
8:39
humor is the only thing that's like helped me
8:41
in my freaking dumpster fire of a life. Like
8:45
me and my brother, we were going through cancer
8:47
at the same time. And we're like, we're the only
8:49
people that can do dark humor. And it was so
8:51
funny. You know, like we would send each other
8:54
just like hilarious memes. And there's something
8:56
so healing about it. You know, it's like. Or
8:59
let's not take this too seriously. Like, yeah,
9:02
we both have cancer, but like, who cares? There's
9:07
something magical about laughter. It brings out
9:10
and does. And when you can find a way to find
9:13
joy and laughter in things, it does make life
9:16
either better to weather the storms, but also
9:19
more fulfilling when things are going good, right?
9:21
Just like laughing more. In Mary Poppins, I love
9:24
to laugh, right? Like, what a great song. Like,
9:26
I love to laugh, you know? Yeah, there's a couple
9:30
of guys that I've come across. They're called
9:33
a theme park comedians. And so they they just
9:35
do comedy at Disney World. They're like at Disney
9:38
World, like three times a week. And they're just
9:40
doing these little bits, all clean humor, all
9:43
family friendly. And they're just hilarious.
9:45
And I got the opportunity to speak with one of
9:46
them. And you can just feel the joy coming from
9:48
them all the time. Like anything comes up, he
9:50
is just like, I could just laugh that guy all
9:52
day. don't you want to kind of like be that kind
9:55
of person who just like brings joy to other people
9:57
yes yeah so fun and one part of my story so people
10:03
ask me to speak you know and I'm going through
10:05
my story and it's kind of awkward because I had
10:09
breast cancer like I just ruined the whole thing
10:12
for you but I'm telling my story and it's so
10:15
heavy that I have to like make it funny you know
10:18
and so I'm like no I'm going through and I, I
10:23
go through chemo and then I get my, my double
10:26
mastectomy and they're like, we can do a nipple
10:28
sparing double mastectomy. And I'm like, sorry,
10:31
dad. I've never, I never thought I would say
10:32
nipple to you, but here we are. And then I'm
10:35
like, came in and surgery because there was like
10:41
pinpoints of pinpoints of cancer behind my nipples.
10:45
Yeah. I can't even say nipples without like laughing.
10:48
And then in this speech, I always go, you know,
10:50
so. I didn't ask for much universe I just wanted
10:53
to keep my nipples but you couldn't even give
10:54
me that it was like you have to have some comedy
10:57
in your life is so hard and then you know it
11:01
it helps the audience connect with it and kind
11:04
of witness it without putting up their walls
11:06
of like oh my gosh you know and so there's definitely
11:09
there's definitely so much with the funny character
11:14
in the shows right like we have to have the comedy
11:17
yeah and My mom actually just started to do stand
11:21
-up comedy at Wise Guys. I kid you not. No way.
11:23
Because of our story, again, we've been through
11:25
so much trauma. And she's like, she snuck and
11:28
did it without telling any of us. And she's amazing.
11:32
She's hilarious. We're like, my mom's going to,
11:35
like, Wise Guys Coffee Club. Stand -up's hard.
11:37
She's so good. She's so funny. Wow. And she's
11:41
like, it's the only thing that's really been
11:43
able to help me process. Yeah. And, you know,
11:47
it's kind of like, well. Life, you're rude. Let's
11:51
keep going. Let's keep laughing. Stand -up's
11:54
one of those things where I think, I mean, one
11:56
of these days I'm going to give it a shot because
11:57
I think it's good to take yourself out of your
12:00
comfort zone, even if you're never going to be
12:01
a stand -up comic for your career or something
12:02
like that. But just the opportunity to experience
12:04
something and put yourself out there to try something
12:06
that's really hard. Yeah. Because I think that
12:09
it can be really hard. And it also seems like
12:12
kind of a fun challenge to take on. Oh, my gosh.
12:15
We need to find out when your mom's doing it
12:17
next. We need to go see her. No, for real. The
12:19
last time we went, we invited, like, we're very,
12:21
you know, she's very Mormon. So she invited,
12:24
like, her whole ward. And you know, like, stand
12:26
-up comedy world, you said clean because it's
12:29
easiest thing to do is go very disgusting. Sexual
12:33
or dirty. It's so dirty. Just gross, right? So
12:36
the other comics were kind of taking digs because
12:39
they knew that like the bishop was there and
12:41
like all of the Relief Society. And then it was
12:43
all of these, you know, young, young comics that
12:46
were talking about really inappropriate things.
12:49
And, and it was so funny. And my mom, like her
12:54
whole, she got the most people there. And she's
12:56
like, there really needs to be clean comedy because
12:59
it's so healing. And you have to go to these
13:01
places that, you know, you don't. really want
13:04
to hear those nasty jokes like it was uncomfortable
13:06
for me and i'm like here my cute little mom is
13:09
and she's like you know we're all crazy here
13:11
we have our diet cokes in our our shoulders now
13:14
we're crazy it's so cute oh that's awesome there
13:18
is a there is a big uh push or i guess say a
13:22
rise in popularity for clean comics mcneighbar
13:26
gatsby is huge right now you've got a bunch of
13:29
other ones who are really great too like I saw
13:32
the Netflix special from Ryan Holiday. Have you
13:34
seen him? No. So funny. And one of them talks
13:37
about getting hit by a bus because he actually
13:38
got hit by a bus. And he's so funny. There's
13:42
another guy, Derek Stroop, I think is his name.
13:45
He's actually coming to Salt Lake here in a couple
13:46
of weeks. Man, he's got some funny stuff. Totally
13:49
clean. You're just like, this is amazing. I'm
13:52
so grateful because it's so healing. Yeah. You
13:54
really have to laugh. Yeah. Like you can't make
13:57
this stuff up. So you grow up and you love. musical
14:02
theater and you you come from a performing family
14:04
i would guess you guys probably knew how to laugh
14:07
in your house for sure is that fair yeah how
14:10
many how many siblings you had you made reference
14:12
to your brother how many how many of there was
14:13
you were you so i have an older brother and then
14:16
five sisters oh my goodness sorry four sisters
14:19
five girls so got a lot i know my brother used
14:22
to call our house the pms palace and he was right
14:24
you know my my dad and my brother are like amazing
14:28
because we put them through hell yeah So where
14:31
did where did where did you fall? I'm number
14:34
four. So my brother and then two older sisters,
14:37
me and then two younger sisters. And it's so
14:39
funny because my brother's a performer. He did.
14:43
He was amazing at guitar as well. And obviously
14:46
he's a creative, right? He went and he became
14:48
an animator at Disney and Pixar and would write
14:52
songs and and has his own. He actually has his
14:55
own screenplay that he wrote before he passed
14:58
away. And so we have him. And then it was like,
15:01
my other two sisters, like, no, like, they are
15:04
very reserved. Like, they don't want it. My older
15:06
sister, Allison, is like, they just can't even
15:08
watch you on social media because you're so open.
15:10
And I'm like, they train you to be open in New
15:12
York. Like, that's what performers do. You connect
15:15
to vulnerability. That is it, you know? And she's
15:17
like, I know, just like, you're so, you're so
15:19
open. And you're just like, your house is messy.
15:22
And you're like, put it on there. I'm like, well.
15:24
Yeah, you know, and so she's a messy house. Yes.
15:26
And my two younger sisters, like my little sister
15:29
sings. And then my other little sister again,
15:31
like, she's like, I don't want to be in the performing
15:34
world. So we were very divided, you know, but
15:36
because some people have musical theater families,
15:38
all of them do it. But it was basically, like,
15:41
I was obsessed with it. I had a really a lot
15:43
of talent that I loved. And I have people were
15:46
like, you're a lot sister. I'm like, I know.
15:50
I'm like, favorite child. Oh, it's for you, Dad
15:54
and Mom. You know it's true. You know it's true.
15:56
You know it's true. My kids all the time ask
15:58
me, like, who's your favorite? I'm like, oh,
15:59
come on. You're like, you. She's like, you know
16:02
it's you. I know. My little assessment the other
16:04
day, she's like, Dad, who's your favorite? We
16:06
just got back from Disneyland and she wasn't
16:07
with us. Who's your favorite? I was like, honey,
16:09
I don't have favorites. She's like, but who's
16:11
your favorite? I was like, you are. Because you're
16:13
just going to say it until you ever ask. You
16:14
know, you're just going to say it, right? Well,
16:16
I have identical twins and they're always like,
16:18
which twin do you like better? I'm like, first
16:20
of all, you guys are literally identical. And
16:23
you're very different. I'm obsessed with both
16:24
of you. And I'm like, but if I had to choose,
16:27
I'm okay. But if I had to, I was forced to. If
16:29
I had to choose. So you, how does life play out
16:34
after that? So you grow up, you grew up in Draper,
16:37
involved musical theater. What happens post high
16:40
school for you? Where does life take you from
16:42
there? Yeah, I was actually bullied really bad
16:44
in high school and I wanted to get away from.
16:48
From that, I was a cheerleader because I didn't
16:50
want to be like the theater kid or whatever.
16:52
I wanted to, you know, I loved cheering. I love
16:56
dancing. And so I was a cheerleader and then
16:59
I got bullied really bad. And so I wanted to
17:01
get out. And so I moved to New York at 18. Can
17:04
you believe my parents trusted me? They are so
17:07
cool. And I went to a musical theater conservatory
17:11
right behind Lincoln Center. I learned so much
17:16
there and I grew so much. And I'm so proud of
17:21
myself for that. Like I am such a little brave.
17:25
I'm a brave little thing, you know? Yeah, at
17:27
18 moving straight to New York City from Utah.
17:29
I know. That's a big deal. It was wild. How long
17:31
were you there? I was there about a year and
17:33
a half and then I came home for a bit and then
17:35
I finished in LA because I wanted to get like
17:39
both sides of my conservatory because they do
17:41
film out there and my brother was living there.
17:44
And I was kind of dating somebody. And so I wanted
17:47
to be a little closer to Utah because the world,
17:49
again, we keep talking about clean. One of the
17:51
reasons why we love Disney is because so many
17:53
things in the entertainment industry are just
17:55
filthy. And it was fascinating to me. Like my
17:58
professors would make me, you know, say the F
18:02
word. And I had never said the F word before.
18:03
Like I was this little Mormon girl and I wouldn't.
18:06
And they would get like mad at me. I'm like,
18:08
I'm so sorry. I'm not going to say the C word.
18:10
I'm like, that's disgusting, you know? And so.
18:12
it was hard for me to like maintain my light
18:15
and I didn't want to be in that world. I wanted,
18:19
I just, I really love my, my family and I just
18:22
couldn't see how I could be in that world and
18:26
like have what I really wanted, you know? Yeah.
18:29
So I came back and went to BYU and met my, my
18:33
ex -husband and, um, and that's kind of what
18:38
happened after high school. Not everywhere can
18:41
be the happiest place on earth. And at RCG Law
18:44
Group, my job outside of our podcast, we get
18:47
that. Life throws curveballs, legal stuff, family
18:51
stuff, the things you didn't see coming. That's
18:53
what we're here for. If you're dealing with something
18:56
and don't know where to turn, give RCG a call.
19:00
So you got married and you guys have three kids.
19:05
A pair of what's -your -twins, sounds like. Yes.
19:09
Just fun. So fun. Is that hard? Is that hard
19:12
to have twins? Do you already have one at the
19:15
time? Yeah. And she's like an angel baby, right?
19:17
So you have one and suddenly instead of going
19:19
to simply two, you suddenly go to two and three.
19:22
Yes. And I was like devastated because I felt
19:24
like other people were picking it. And I like
19:27
in my current situation, like I didn't really
19:32
have a lot of help. It was kind of like we were
19:36
in our roles and I did everything with. the kids
19:39
and like I you know he was in law school and
19:42
I just wanted to be like he just he was you know
19:45
the person that never really like changed diapers
19:47
and everything and like thought that was funny
19:50
and cool and I was just like oh whatever you
19:52
know just whatever and I didn't really realize
19:56
how hard how hard that was um and so when I got
20:00
pregnant with twins I was actually scared to
20:02
tell him because it was an accident that and
20:05
and it was just um It just like happened. And
20:09
they don't tell you, you get pregnant with, until
20:13
you get pregnant with identical twins, it's not
20:14
genetic. Anybody's egg can split anyone's. And
20:18
so I was by myself because I, you know, and I'll
20:23
just be like really open and honest. Like it
20:24
was challenging to get support. So I was like,
20:28
no, no, no. Like I'm good. Like I can just go,
20:30
I can go to the appointment by myself. And so
20:32
I was alone and I found out I was having, and
20:34
I called my mom before and I was like, mom. having
20:38
twins and I was like scared to call my husband
20:40
and tell him and he said, well, we're done. That's
20:42
for sure. And he didn't even want to get pregnant.
20:45
So it was like, it was, it was hard because I
20:49
felt like there was this miracle that happened
20:51
and I was scared to tell the person that I loved
20:57
about it. So it was, and it was, it was very
21:01
hard. It was so hard. And, um, but also in hindsight,
21:10
it's a way that God really showed up in my life.
21:13
Sure. Because after that, I always wanted three
21:18
kids and my ex -husband wanted one because my
21:21
daughter Navy is literally an angel. And he's
21:24
like, why would we mess that up? You know? And
21:26
then I, I got pregnant with the twins and I,
21:32
I had them and then got my three kids. I'm like,
21:36
God, like. Thank you. You know, and so I was
21:38
good. I was done. And then I got diagnosed with
21:41
breast cancer when my twins were, I think, three.
21:44
And it wasn't as heavy because I already had
21:47
my babies and I didn't have to worry about not
21:51
having kids anymore. And a lot of people that
21:52
get diagnosed with breast cancer, huge part of
21:55
it is that loss of kids. And one of my best friends,
21:59
you know, she was going through infertility and
22:01
got diagnosed. She had to deal with like the
22:06
fact that she could potentially never be a mom
22:08
and never carry kids because it's like pouring
22:09
gasoline on our kind of cancer. And so even though,
22:14
again, it was so hard, I'm like, God, wow. Like,
22:17
thank you. Thank you for like listening to me
22:20
and giving me these beautiful, healthy children
22:23
that I and I don't have to worry about that aspect
22:25
in treatment. And that's really hard, really
22:30
hard for people going through breast cancer.
22:32
It's that part of it. Yeah. So we're going to
22:36
come back to that. Let's dial in Tangled. Okay.
22:41
Let's bring it in. Okay. Everybody knows the
22:44
story of Tangled, right? As we look at kind of
22:49
what Rapunzel's experiencing, so kind of overview,
22:52
right? So she's with the king and queen, and
22:56
Mother Gothel needs to have this little flower
22:59
that keeps her young for... What appears to be
23:01
centuries is what it appears to be, right? Yeah.
23:04
And then this flower is found because the queen
23:08
is struggling with this pregnancy, right, with
23:13
Rapunzel. And so the people of the kingdom find
23:17
this flower. I guess they boil it down, it looks
23:20
like. have the queen drink it so that she can
23:23
save her life and the baby's life. And then of
23:25
course it makes Rapunzel have the magic hair,
23:27
right? Which we all know about. And so then later
23:29
Mother Gothel kidnaps her and takes her to the
23:31
tower. So when we look at kind of some of the
23:35
lessons that we have, let's take a look at like
23:37
the arc of what Rapunzel's experiencing. And
23:40
specifically with things like her light being
23:43
dimmed, right? And hidden. By Mother Gothel and
23:46
being hidden. And then what it takes for her
23:49
to recognize that, ultimately break free from
23:51
that, And then how does her life change as a
23:54
result of it? So initially, what do you see as
23:57
the lesson that we're learning from Rapunzel
24:01
being trapped away in this tower and having Mother
24:03
Gothel just completely control everything in
24:05
her life? Well, I think that it shows that certain
24:09
people are in our lives and they affect us and
24:12
we have no control or choice over their effect
24:16
on us, right? Like Rapunzel didn't choose that.
24:19
She didn't choose. to be placed in that. And
24:22
she was this bright little happy thing that was
24:25
making the best of her situation. And I think
24:28
that, you know, I have a lot of compassion for
24:32
people that have parents that weren't like my
24:36
parents are incredible. It's so amazing. And
24:40
I've seen people who've had controlling parents
24:43
and it really has an effect on them, right? And
24:47
some people choose to be. like Rapunzel, and
24:50
then other people choose to repeat the pattern.
24:52
I think I've personally dealt with that a lot.
24:54
And I noticed that, you know, that that control
25:00
is something from like, it's just getting repeated,
25:04
and somebody has to break the pattern. Yeah,
25:06
you know, it was with Mother Gothel. I mean,
25:09
part of what she's trying to do is manipulate
25:12
Rapunzel into staying. Yeah, she's physically
25:15
in the tower. Well, like she climbs up and down
25:17
Rapunzel's hair all the time and Rapunzel could
25:19
definitely hit climb down her own hair to get
25:21
out, but she's going to manipulate her, dim her
25:24
light, make her believe she doesn't have that
25:26
ability to do anything really for herself. And,
25:31
and so it's, it's interesting when we look at
25:34
what that parallel is for things in our life.
25:37
Sometimes it might be parents, but sometimes
25:40
it might be other things that we encounter that.
25:43
make us believe that we're not good enough make
25:45
us believe that we can do something yeah to what
25:48
degree in your life was was that something you
25:51
experienced when a lot of things came crashing
25:54
down right when you had cancer diagnosis and
25:58
some of those things are really really hard because
26:01
you're this sweet girl who loves musical theater
26:04
and it's got great parents and you've got this
26:05
sweet loving family and and you've got all this
26:09
light and then suddenly circumstances that you
26:11
didn't use that you didn't control or some suddenly
26:14
coming in and trying to take away and dim that
26:16
light yeah my gosh i really do um i really see
26:25
me a lot in that because i feel like for you
26:33
know wanting love and adoration and to be taken
26:36
care of, I dimmed that light and I let, I let
26:42
people take advantage of like a lot of my gifts.
26:46
And then, um, you know, when, you know, Rapunzel
26:53
asks for like these like tiny little things in
26:56
return, my gosh, it's so embarrassing. Um, she
27:00
asked for like little things and is like, thank
27:03
you so much for like giving me my pain brain.
27:05
She's like trapped in this tower. And she's like
27:07
so grateful for these little like breadcrumbs,
27:10
you know, and I can relate a lot to that. And
27:13
so we moved and then needed to buy like an like
27:17
asthma medication because I we didn't have insurance
27:22
and it was like $500. And so I went and I'm sitting
27:25
here like you know, taking care of the baby,
27:27
like super supportive. And I think I'm having
27:30
this like big impact. I'm giving so much love.
27:33
I've, you know, I used to be in Gladys Knight's
27:35
choir and then we had to move for that. And I
27:37
did that willingly. I kept putting off singing
27:39
and everything that was bringing me joy to just
27:41
like really invest in this person and in our
27:44
family. And then, you know, I thought that that
27:47
would be reciprocated. And then when I needed
27:49
like asthma medication, I was told that I needed
27:51
to, if I wanted to. you know, get asthma medication,
27:55
I needed to go and get a job. And I was like
27:57
a mother and I had given up everything for this
28:00
person. And then it like, it broke my heart.
28:05
And then, but I rose to the occasion and I started,
28:08
you know, a social media and I started to make
28:11
my own money. And I was able to contribute to
28:14
our family in a way that I never even thought
28:15
was possible. And my musical theater training.
28:20
really helps me with that because I know how
28:22
to connect with people and I know how to be vulnerable
28:24
and I know that vulnerability is the way like
28:27
it's not it's not um it's a gift to be able to
28:31
be vulnerable and I didn't know that because
28:33
you know when you're when you're training in
28:35
musical theater and you get the gift of vulnerability
28:39
because they're like I can't believe you're not
28:41
connected to the piece sit down I'm like you
28:44
know and they're trying to get you to connect
28:45
emotionally with people and That was something
28:49
that I, that was a gift that I had that I got
28:55
to develop. And I, I was really successful in
28:59
a way that felt so like amazing to me because
29:03
I felt like I could share my light that was dimmed
29:06
for so long. You know, when you become a mom
29:08
and then you're not. And so, you know, when Rapunzel
29:11
exits the tower and she's like running around
29:13
in the fields and then she's like, you know,
29:15
it's like I had. I had that, I got some of that
29:19
like expression back and some of that light back.
29:22
And, and I was really, I was really grateful
29:25
that it, I was provided. It was like really,
29:29
really, really helped me. There's parallels there
29:35
that I'm seeing is, you know, Rapunzel had every
29:40
excuse and not continue to be kind. Yes. Passionate
29:45
and caring. and to not want to connect and yet
29:50
what we see is like the second that that opportunity
29:53
comes like yeah she's a little bit defensive
29:56
with Flynn Rider when he first comes at the same
29:58
time like he's also talking to him and she's
30:01
telling him things and then when they get down
30:03
out of the tower she's expressing what her fears
30:06
are right to him she's actually being vulnerable
30:09
to him and then like you said once they go to
30:10
the snuggly duckling yeah and she immediately
30:12
connects with like all these like Terrible, theoretically
30:15
terrible people who are supposed to be doing
30:17
these terrible things. And yet she immediately
30:19
connects with them and she connects through song,
30:21
which is also a really lovely song, by the way.
30:23
I'm going to dream. What a great song. I know.
30:26
But she is still able to have that connection
30:29
and let her light start to come out that Mother
30:32
Gothel wasn't actually able to truly like get
30:36
rid of or hide. Like it was still there. She
30:38
still had it within her. Yeah. She just needed
30:40
to have the opportunity for it to come out. You
30:43
know, one of the things that Mother Gothel said
30:45
that I wrote down, and this actually came afterwards
30:48
when she's trying to convince her to come back,
30:49
but I think it applies equally as well. Mother
30:52
Gothel told her, like, the world is dark and
30:54
selfish and cruel. If it finds even the slightest
30:56
ray of sunshine, it destroys it. So, like, that's
30:59
what Mother Gothel believes about life and what
31:01
she's trying to convince Rapunzel of is, no,
31:04
no, no, the world's terrible. It's awful. It's
31:06
mean. It's horrible. It's just going to try to
31:08
crush you. And, boy, that is a pessimistic view
31:12
of life, isn't it? Oh my gosh. And I, you know,
31:16
I'm kind of into the whole, like, we create a
31:22
reality based on like our thoughts and our perception
31:25
and our perceptual filter that we pick up. And
31:28
it's, it's a choice to do that. Right. And like
31:32
with breast cancer, I was like, what if I pick
31:35
this? What if I pick this spiritually? What could
31:37
I find? Right. And I got it. I started to see
31:40
all of these like amazing. gifts that I had even
31:44
though I didn't want to be doing it right like
31:46
whatever happened to mother Gothel right she's
31:49
like and and you know I had people tell me like
31:53
remember I was my first round of chemo I was
31:57
like I'm gonna crush this you know I'm like a
31:59
fitness instructor and I'm like I had my own
32:02
business and I had a following and I was like
32:03
I'm freaking best and um I walked in I'm like
32:08
I'm gonna crush this like I'm gonna fast I'm
32:10
gonna cold plunge and You know, I love glucose
32:13
stabilization. I'm just going to, you know, be
32:15
this little cheerleader. And my nurse was like,
32:18
nope, your bones are really going to hurt. And
32:21
this is going to really, it's going to be really
32:23
hard for you. Right? World is so dark. Stop trying
32:27
to be light, you know? And I was so like angry
32:33
because. I'm like, do you know the thought model?
32:36
And do you know that thoughts create a chemical
32:39
reaction in you and then they create your reality
32:41
because you act on that thought and like whatever
32:43
you think is actually happening in real life.
32:45
You know, if I really think it's going to be
32:47
so hard and I can't do it, I'm not going to try.
32:50
And guess what? Chemo was horrific, but I was
32:54
working out three days later and I was kind of
32:57
a badass. And I chose to be like that, right?
33:00
I wanted to show my daughter, like, you can choose.
33:04
to like harness this incredible energy and this
33:08
incredible light that is beyond all understanding.
33:12
Hard, but it really like will show up if you
33:15
connect to it, you know? Yeah. And so, but you're
33:18
going to see that. If you really view the world
33:20
that it's terrible, the world will present that
33:23
to you. Absolutely. Your brain finds evidence
33:25
to make that true. Definitely true. 100%. So
33:27
take me back to when you first find out about
33:31
your cancer diagnosis. Because, I mean, Maybe
33:34
it was. Was your initial reaction just being
33:38
positive about it? Or did you feel a little bit
33:40
of happiness at first? Oh, no. I had like a full
33:42
-blown mental breakdown. Yeah. I've got to imagine.
33:45
Well, I just felt so duped, right? Because I
33:47
have not messed around with my body. I was monitoring
33:51
all my blood sugar levels. I was working out.
33:53
I didn't eat sugar. I loved body transformation.
33:57
I thought women are so cool. these beautiful
34:01
babies and they feed them from this body. And
34:03
then I could get a six packer and I wanted everybody
34:05
to feel how amazing that felt, right? Because
34:08
I had to kind of validate myself. And so I was
34:12
just so respectful of my body. And so when I
34:17
got it, I just felt very duped. Like me, like
34:22
I'm 33. I'm not. shouldn't be happening to me
34:28
you know what I mean everything I'm supposed
34:29
to do physically yeah like I should have been
34:32
eating sugar for goodness sake you know I'm like
34:34
the heck the heck you know and so I um no I was
34:39
so I I really I really lost it because I felt
34:43
like I had worked so hard and then it was like
34:46
life presented me with like I'm gonna take everything
34:48
you love away from you and my brother also had
34:52
a brain tumor um and So many. Did you find out
34:57
first or did he find out first? So he found out
35:00
first. He got a brain tumor at 29 and he had
35:02
a brain tumor for 10 years before I got diagnosed.
35:05
His brain tumor, he should not have been alive.
35:07
He is a little Disney walking miracle. He should
35:11
not have been able to survive. And he was in
35:13
brain surgery, was supposed to die in that brain
35:17
surgery. And he actually was walking around with
35:21
an angel. I kid you not. He was walking around
35:24
with an angel. He doesn't remember the conversation,
35:27
but they asked him if he wanted to, to like go
35:30
back. And he said with a heavy heart, he said
35:33
he would go back. And the angel said like, you
35:36
know, it's going to be really, really hard though,
35:37
don't you? And he's like, yeah, it's going to
35:39
be really hard. And so he came back to his body
35:41
and his little three -year -old passed away like,
35:45
like really soon after that. And the way it happened
35:50
was very traumatic, like horrific. And when I
35:54
got diagnosed, it was just like very shocking
35:58
because we were already dealing with cancer and
36:00
we just felt like God was like playing some joke
36:02
on us, you know. I freaked out because I just
36:10
definitely had like a massive trauma response
36:12
because I think my brain was like, I'm going
36:17
to get cancer and then my kid's going to die.
36:19
That's what God is going to do to me. Like, I
36:22
think that that's what was happening. And then
36:24
a lot of stuff was going on in my personal life
36:26
that was very, like, scary. And I couldn't tell
36:30
anybody about it. And so I, it was just like,
36:35
I can't do this. I can't do this. And I literally,
36:37
like, completely, like, trauma response. Like,
36:40
it was a psychotic break, for sure. What was
36:45
the first conversation with your brother like
36:46
after you found out your diagnosis? He's like,
36:55
he always said. That he felt like he told God
37:00
that he would take on all the trials for all
37:02
of his little sisters. He inspired me so much.
37:06
Like how he showed up for his wife after, you
37:09
know, their daughter died. And how they never
37:11
like lost hope and faith. And they never, they
37:15
did live a little Disney life, you know. And
37:18
it's like the worst, the worst things ever. And
37:23
he just was like, oh, I'm so sorry, you know.
37:28
But he's like, never cry. And he's like, your
37:33
cancer is so much harder than mine. I'm like,
37:36
Eddie, you have a brain tumor. What are you talking
37:38
about? Like, I'm fine. Like, I'm good. Like,
37:41
I just was bald. And he's like, no. He's like,
37:43
because I had Mary, his wife. He's like, I could
37:47
not do it. And you've been doing this all by
37:49
yourself. And that was a big wake up call for
37:56
me when he said that. because I felt like it
38:03
was so hard. It was so horrible. I can't even
38:11
talk about it. You're a divorce attorney. You
38:12
get it. It was so horrific. My story is so hard,
38:16
and I'll never be able to tell it. And we definitely
38:21
want to be very respectful of the experiences
38:23
that need to stay there. Also, with that, you
38:29
get the cancer diagnosis, and then you end up
38:32
going through a divorce. During this process,
38:35
right? Yeah, so I got, so I did everything and
38:38
I got a clean scan and I was done. But there
38:42
was a lot of damage done when I was in chemo.
38:45
And so, you know, it exposed a lot of really,
38:50
really, really problematic things for me that
38:52
I couldn't like ignore. And then, you know, I
38:56
had turned a blind eye a lot and I was like,
38:57
no, just be supportive and just be kind and like,
39:00
you know. I always made the best of the situation
39:03
and it worked. And then when I couldn't be the,
39:06
when I needed something, right. And I like actually
39:09
couldn't, it was very, it brought out a lot of
39:16
realities that were very damaging. And I couldn't
39:21
really get over it because I didn't feel like
39:24
it was properly addressed. And so after I was
39:29
like, we just got to like get through this chemo.
39:31
Like I can't go through a divorce right now.
39:33
You know, and I can't like I can't and I don't
39:37
want to like I think that everybody deserves
39:39
grace. And I think that people when they're in
39:42
trauma situations do weird things like I did
39:45
weird things. You know what I mean? I was like
39:47
walking around singing in the streets and, you
39:51
know, we process things differently. And so I
39:54
wanted to just like chalk it up to that and be
39:57
like, no, that was just, you know, that was just
40:00
like some unhealed. trauma responses and now
40:02
we can get back to reality um but it became very
40:06
hard to ignore you know with everybody in my
40:09
life like it was like so like it's not first
40:13
of all you don't deserve this and second of all
40:16
this is an issue um and that's hard right because
40:20
you like like I love the father I still like
40:23
I will always like love the father of my children
40:25
like so much like I feel so much love for him
40:29
and I love me for that love me that I can like
40:34
I have the capacity to look and realize like
40:37
had nothing to do with me I want to be like loving
40:44
instead of hating I don't want to be the mother
40:47
Gothel I don't want to I want to be the one is
40:52
so no I feel like we're living in a world right
40:56
now where everyone's like nobody can change and
41:00
everybody is the worst and you know we're just
41:04
feeling like so much hate so much like there's
41:08
so many hard things going on in the world but
41:10
like we have to have the capacity to change that
41:13
and to soften people's hearts just like looking
41:15
at them with love and compassion and grace and
41:18
of course i had to learn grace because i don't
41:21
really have in my thought that like love could
41:24
heal all um but but yeah a year after i thought
41:29
i got it again it was so bad it just wasn't even
41:32
a fight anymore because i was like i can't i
41:35
can't my heart's broken i don't feel like i have
41:38
the capacity the treatment's too hard i'm terrified
41:41
to like be in the world anymore i don't i'm done
41:43
i want to give up right like you know that part
41:46
when she's like okay i'll go back with you i
41:48
was just like i'm good you know i told my husband
41:51
at the time like i'm just gonna be a really good
41:53
angel for our family because i can't and he was
41:55
like okay and then miraculously like a disney
41:59
movie i caught this like crazy protocol from
42:02
twitter that prolonged my life for a year like
42:06
i thought it was i thought i was in the twilight
42:08
zone and ever died um like after my second diagnosis
42:16
and the day before his funeral was my pet scan
42:19
and it was supposed to show that my cancer had
42:22
spread everywhere And I had been doing this miraculous
42:25
protocol that came to me. Like it was literally
42:28
God's golden thread. Like, here you go. Like,
42:31
you're not going to die because I couldn't, I
42:33
couldn't fight anymore. I was like, all my light
42:35
was gone. I wasn't even there, you know? And
42:38
then God was like, nope, you're not going to,
42:41
you're, you're going to live. And so like, it
42:43
came to me in three different ways. And it was
42:45
all just like within a week of each, it was just
42:47
crazy. And we, if you've been in the cancer world.
42:50
Everybody has the cure, right? And I didn't even
42:52
listen anymore. I was like, I'm defeated. I can't.
42:55
I've done chemo, radiation, double mastectomy.
42:57
I had done radiation again. Like, I was like
43:01
this, you know, I'm good. I'm good, God. This
43:05
is too dark. Like, I can't shine anymore, you
43:09
know? And then I miraculously got the clean scan.
43:14
I started sharing that on social media and started
43:17
to help other people. have similar results and
43:21
so I've been going through that divorce for the
43:24
last year and I got re -diagnosed and now I think
43:31
I'm okay with the most so I've just had to kind
43:34
of like keep going you know what I mean and I
43:36
had to I had to kind of have that little lantern
43:39
of like there has to be a gift here there has
43:42
to be a gift because if you don't look at that
43:44
lantern you realize that you're in the forest
43:46
with a bunch of people that hate you and And
43:51
don't lose that like little glimmer, right, that
43:54
you have inside of your heart that's like, life
43:56
is good. Life is good. I just got to get through
43:59
this really, really, really crappy swamp in order
44:01
to get to the lights. And the lights are so worth
44:06
it, right? Yeah. Before we jump back in, can
44:10
I ask you a quick favor? If you're enjoying the
44:13
journey so far, will you like, rate, and subscribe
44:17
to our show? It helps us reach more people like
44:20
you. We can design and create and build the most
44:23
wonderful place in the world, but it takes people
44:26
to make the dream a reality. And that's what
44:30
Rapunzel held on to, right? She saw the lights
44:33
literally once a year because she didn't know
44:35
it, but it was on her birthday. And that just
44:37
inspired her. There was something inside of her
44:39
that knew what that meant. Yeah. And that that
44:42
was something that light that she could look
44:44
at. Yeah. You know, and, you know, when you mentioned
44:48
a part that I think is an interesting part for
44:50
us to take a look at, which is. When she first
44:52
comes out of the tower and she's like very conflicted,
44:56
right? Yes. And even to the point where Flynn
44:59
Rider says, you know, I can't help but notice
45:01
you seem a little at war with yourself here.
45:03
Right. And so, you know, how do you, how do you
45:06
see that manifest either for you or just like
45:07
in general life for people when you're, you're
45:11
coming away from something that's trying to dim
45:15
your light and you're trying to move to something
45:16
different, but you still have this like conflict
45:20
about it. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Well, because like
45:24
in, in my marriage, I did not want to get divorced.
45:27
I did not. Like I'm still having a hard time.
45:34
Like I could potentially die and now I have to
45:38
care my kids 50 % of the time. And like, I have
45:41
to rebuild when I'm like, like it's, it just
45:44
seemed like so unfair. And honestly, I have such
45:47
a good heart that I'm like, I can look at this
45:49
situation and I'm like, this is not you. Like,
45:55
you know, I'm like, I, I don't want this for
46:00
our family. I think that like everybody can,
46:02
I really do believe like everybody can change.
46:05
And I'm, I'm super religious. I'm a big Jesus
46:07
girl, you know? And I'm like, we have to believe
46:10
that people are capable if they choose it. Right.
46:12
It's just like really hard when you want somebody
46:14
to change and they won't. I think we have to
46:17
believe it ourselves too, because if we want
46:21
to be better and we want to believe. and be better
46:24
we have to believe that people can yeah because
46:26
otherwise then we won't ever change totally and
46:28
i've changed a lot you know i love that about
46:31
me i'm like i used to hate working out and now
46:33
i was like a fitness instructor and i never thought
46:35
i could make money and i did that and you know
46:37
i went to new york and i was terrified and i
46:39
figured out the city and the subway systems it's
46:41
like that's you know kind of life and i always
46:44
felt like oh whenever life brings you something
46:47
if you're willing to look at your part like there
46:49
can be a diamond in there that can make you even
46:52
stronger but diamonds have to go through that
46:54
pressure part and i don't do you think that like
46:57
the do you think that cole is like i'm so excited
47:02
to be a diamond are they like i don't really
47:03
want to do like i'm good to be cold like i'm
47:06
good I don't want to be a diamond anymore. Like,
47:08
can you just like put this pressure off? Like,
47:09
do you think they're excited to be to become
47:11
a diamond or are they just like the freaking
47:12
socks and they can't see it? I always wondered
47:14
that if they could talk. Yeah. I mean, it's a
47:17
good analogy though, because we're that way.
47:19
Right. We were talking about that in the pre
47:21
-show that, you know, there's times like we,
47:24
we don't want to have to go through hard things.
47:27
It's not like. We're like, well, let me spin
47:29
the wheel of trials in my life. I want to choose.
47:31
I'm going to have cancer not once, but twice.
47:33
And my brother is going to have a brain tumor
47:35
at the same time. And I go through a divorce
47:36
at the same time. I'm going to choose that on
47:38
the spin wheel, right? We don't do that. Yes.
47:41
Yeah. And yet it's the experiences we have that
47:46
create us being in diamond. It's those experiences
47:48
we have that shape who we actually are now and
47:52
who we can become. Yeah. And I have. this knowledge
47:58
that there is something that is weaving our stories
48:03
whether you want to believe it or not it is you
48:07
know like when you're out of the darkness you
48:11
can see the hand of you know the divine in a
48:16
way that you're like you're rude but you were
48:20
there you know what I mean and like I don't know
48:22
what was me of that or what was you or whatever
48:25
but sometimes I think that that can be such a
48:29
beautiful gift that we get out of it is, oh man,
48:32
like there's something that really cares about
48:34
me because I should not be alive right now. And
48:37
the fact that I can experience joy and I had
48:40
this workout and this workout and this workout,
48:42
there was something that was looking out for
48:45
me. You know, it's probably my brother too. And
48:47
he's the best. It's like my little guardian angel,
48:50
you know? For sure. My little Disney genie. Well,
48:56
I, you know, I'm preparing it. that I really
48:59
liked from somebody we both really enjoy, which
49:02
is Brene Brown. And I'm going to try to get emotional
49:06
reading it. I'm already like thinking about it.
49:08
She said about compassion, compassionate people
49:15
ask for what they need. They say no when they
49:18
need to. And when they say yes, they mean it.
49:20
They're compassionate because their boundaries
49:23
keep them out of resentment. Isn't that interesting?
49:27
I think I had a lot of resentment. Yeah. I feel
49:31
like I overgave wanting something in return.
49:35
Yeah. You know, instead of just being like, again,
49:38
love. You think like giving is love. Like really,
49:42
if I give all my light that like I'll receive
49:45
it back. And then you realize that you have none
49:47
left. Yeah. And it's taken. You know, something
49:50
else that we talked about before that I think
49:52
is interesting here. When we think about compassion
49:55
as well. Because there's a component of this
49:58
compassion, which is, yes, I can be compassionate
50:00
and I can set the boundary. I can sort of be
50:03
understanding of what someone's situation is
50:04
and still not continue to entertain that relationship.
50:08
Right. And I wrote this down. And this is like,
50:10
this is a quote going way back. Okay. I'm going
50:16
to drop it. This is Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
50:18
Okay. That if we could read the secret history
50:21
of our enemies. We should find in each man's
50:24
life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all
50:27
hostility. Right? Like there was clearly stuff
50:33
in Mother Gothel's past where she felt like she
50:36
needed to stay young forever. Right? That's why
50:39
she starts with that flower. There was something
50:41
that she had where that's this need that she
50:44
had. And then as she continued to do that and
50:47
defy time and nature, she becomes more and more
50:52
hardened to it. But if we could roll it back
50:54
and then truly understand how she got there,
50:57
we might have more compassion for her. It doesn't
50:59
excuse her behavior. It doesn't mean that we
51:02
shouldn't have the boundary. Rapunzel shouldn't
51:04
have the boundary, but it does help in having
51:07
more compassion. So interesting when you said
51:10
that. I'm like, oh, I've been there. Yeah. Like,
51:12
I don't, I don't want to get older. Like I'm,
51:15
you know, especially in a divorce, it's like,
51:18
oh, like they can go. They can go for the 20
51:21
-year -old that doesn't have cancer and doesn't
51:23
have surgeries and doesn't have, you know, like,
51:26
I mean, I get Botox, so I don't have a ton of
51:27
wrinkles. I'm going to confess. Well, I keep
51:29
hoping that when you start coming to your head
51:31
that you start to sing. Yes. I'm like, girl,
51:36
you've got to be singing about you. Make the
51:40
clock reverse. Bring back what once was mine.
51:45
Hey, one more thing before we move on. There's
51:47
a show I've gotten really into lately called
51:49
The Wisdom of Walt. And I don't usually do this,
51:52
but it's earned it. If our show is your kind
51:55
of thing, I'll bet you'll enjoy that one too.
51:57
So go give it a listen. That they think they
52:16
have, right? Rapunzel obviously must believe
52:18
that her father's dead, right? And she thinks
52:20
she's going to go after her mom, but what a terrible
52:22
mom she is, right? She's gone through some hard
52:24
stuff. You get that for your whole life. Yes.
52:26
And yet, like here, really what we're seeing
52:29
too is that that light that she had really continued
52:34
to burn inside of her. And he didn't let these
52:38
horrible situations and circumstances put that
52:42
light out. Yeah. And when given the opportunity,
52:45
then it just shined even more. Yeah. Well, and
52:47
I realized with myself, like I became a point
52:50
or I got to a point where I wasn't shining my
52:53
light anymore. I was being, you know, I was reacting.
52:56
I was spewing horrible things. Like I, you know,
53:01
I, and it's because I just, I'm like, I love
53:06
you. Like, ah, I, you know, I've given you so
53:09
much. Like, ah, you know, and it's like, then
53:11
the resentment comes, right? And then you realize
53:13
that that's not, that's not it. That's not love.
53:17
Like love is reciprocated. Love is like, I'm
53:20
going to give this to you because I'm full and
53:23
I don't need anything back and it's not going
53:25
to hurt me. Right? And so I think that it took
53:29
a lot for me to choose love. There was a part
53:36
of me that wanted to just burn my whole freaking
53:38
mind to the ground, right? I'm like, what am
53:40
I even doing? Why do I even try to be a good
53:41
person? Why do I try to help people through cancer?
53:44
Why did I build this business for him to take
53:45
it? Why, you know, like, why, why, why, why,
53:48
why? And then I'm like, no, I'm like, choose
53:52
the harder path. Choose the harder path and the
53:54
harder path is kindness. And I love what you
53:58
said. One of my favorite books is called Seven
54:00
Lessons from Heaven. And again, I'm a big Jesus
54:01
girl. We love Jesus. Thank you. So. Her name
54:06
is Mary C. Neal and she died and she met Jesus.
54:09
And in her life review, Jesus, what he did was
54:15
he brought up all of these instances in her life
54:21
when she had wronged somebody or been wronged.
54:23
And what his power did was he could help each
54:27
person in this scenario understand every single
54:30
decision in that person's life and understand
54:33
them perfectly. as to why they treated them that
54:36
way. And there was nothing but compassion all
54:39
around because you had perfect understanding
54:40
of why that person did that and the pain that
54:44
led up to that. And every time I put on that
54:47
lens, I have nothing but love and compassion
54:50
for my ex -husband. So much, so much. I wish
54:54
I could get it back. I wish my family was still
54:56
intact. But like, that is my true heart is I
55:00
can look at him and say like, holy crap, I can't
55:02
imagine certain things. And like, I'm proud of
55:06
you. And that's really hard to do. It's very
55:10
hard to do. But I am like, I'm proud of him for
55:12
like showing up in a lot of the stuff he's been
55:15
through. I can't imagine some of the things he's
55:19
been through that I didn't have to go through.
55:20
Yeah. It's actually another quote I wrote down
55:24
that you just, what you're saying just leads
55:26
so perfectly to this. And this one really went
55:29
through me for a loop when I found it. He says,
55:33
boundaries are the distance at which I can love
55:36
you and simultaneously. So like, as you're talking
55:43
about it, like you have found a way to still
55:46
have love and compassion for him, but there is
55:48
a boundary that has to be there so you can still
55:50
love you and not have that resentment. Like right
55:53
now where it's at, part of that is you guys are
55:55
divorced. And so there are certain boundaries
55:58
that have to be there because you're divorced
55:59
and there are certain things that you can't entertain
56:01
because... that distance makes to stay there
56:05
and, and to yes and, right? There's more of this
56:08
yes and, and yes, and you can keep your boundaries
56:12
to a level. Yeah. Or include it for people. Yeah.
56:20
Um, I believe that it can prove that you're a
56:25
great example of, of navigating that really,
56:29
really hard circumstances. Yeah. And like, I
56:33
think I can do it better with boundaries. Like
56:35
I can love, you from afar, like I do this thing,
56:41
tactics, kind of weird and embarrassing, but
56:44
I'm going to, I'm going to say it anyways, because
56:46
it's actually been very healing for me. I threw
56:49
a lot of stuff, you know what I mean? So I have
56:52
some tips and tricks, but like I was saying at
56:55
the beginning, our world reflects what is going
56:57
on internally, right? Like circumstances in the
57:00
world are completely neutral. We have a thought
57:02
about them and we make meaning based on our own
57:05
experience. That thought has a chemical reaction
57:08
in our body as a feeling. And then we act from
57:10
that feeling. But it all starts with thoughts.
57:13
And I didn't know this until I was, you know,
57:16
33 that we actually can pick that. I'm like,
57:19
you can't pick your thoughts. And one of my coaches
57:22
was like, no, you can. Your brain presents you
57:25
with all kinds of crazy data and thoughts. And
57:28
then you get to say, oh, I'm going to take this
57:31
one and I'm going to put it in my heart. Right.
57:33
And then. A belief is just a thought that you
57:35
keep on thinking over and over again. And so
57:39
fascinating to me, right? Like I have a relationship
57:41
with my brother and he's not even physically
57:43
here because of my thoughts and feelings about
57:45
him. And certain things will pop into my head
57:47
that will make me laugh that I'm like, oh, like,
57:49
hi, Eddie. You know, and if you've lost somebody,
57:51
you know that that happens, you know? And so
57:54
with something that's been so helpful for me
57:57
is I think about my soul and my ex's soul, like
58:03
true soul. right this is so weird but I'll have
58:09
like conversations like with his soul and I'll
58:11
give him so much love with his soul because if
58:14
you're in your soul like you don't treat people
58:15
way you know and it's been so healing for me
58:19
to just like be able to give love to his soul
58:22
and so I'll imagine talking to his soul and then
58:25
it it brings a lot of peace because I can like
58:28
love him and imagine a conversation and my my
58:32
body responds as if it's really happening right
58:34
like you're Your brain doesn't know the difference
58:36
between imagination and like really experiencing
58:38
something. And so I just will imagine the good
58:46
one, right? We all have good and bad. We do.
58:49
I have a lot of bad in me, of course. And I have
58:52
so much love and compassion for myself because
58:54
I don't know many people that have gone through
58:56
what I've gone through. And I've been able to
58:57
survive it in a way that, and I haven't done
59:00
it perfectly. You know, I've said things online
59:03
that I shouldn't have. and everything but everybody
59:06
has good and if you can go to the good part of
59:10
your heart and you can imagine talking to the
59:13
good part of them then it's very healing and
59:18
so I you know that's what I do I'll just like
59:22
talk to his soul and be like hey like I forgive
59:26
you for this and like forgive me for this and
59:29
then you don't have to be waiting on somebody's
59:31
like reaction because if everybody was in their
59:34
soul Like you said in that quote, there would
59:37
be nothing but love and compassion. So I want
59:40
to get into my soul and talk to him. Because
59:46
when we're acting out of fear and anger, you're
59:50
not in your soul. You're not in your heart. And
59:54
so for me, it's been helpful to go back to the
59:58
version of him pre -cancer and everything when
1:00:01
our marriage was pretty good. and like love and
1:00:07
I love my kids so much and I hope that that makes
1:00:10
a difference like you know in hippy dippy land
1:00:14
in the magic land of Disney like maybe that makes
1:00:17
a difference you know what I mean maybe there's
1:00:19
something so magical about this world that we
1:00:22
can't see that that makes an impact and so that's
1:00:26
just what I've been doing lately is like I can't
1:00:29
talk to him because it's so explosive and when
1:00:30
I look at him I'm like I don't know who you are
1:00:32
and you've been through it or some sure I'm sure
1:00:34
that's how everybody feels. It's like this person
1:00:36
that was best friend and everything is now my
1:00:40
enemy sometimes. And so now I just go to that,
1:00:45
you know, the person that was like in the delivery
1:00:49
room with me and like everybody has good and
1:00:52
bad and I can put on each filter and I, you know,
1:00:56
reality, you have to be in reality and have the
1:00:58
reality filter and you can create love even by
1:01:03
yourself. From afar. So that's what I've been
1:01:06
doing. So another quote I wrote down from Martin
1:01:10
Luther King Jr. He said, darkness cannot drive
1:01:13
out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot
1:01:16
drive out hate. Only love can do that. And to
1:01:21
me, you know, when we talk about speaking to
1:01:26
somebody's soul, like part of I think what it's
1:01:28
doing is it's putting us in that love. It's having
1:01:33
us live in love. So even if, you know, he's not
1:01:37
really hearing it or receiving it, right? It's
1:01:40
just in our own mind. When we are having those
1:01:42
thoughts and we're living in that space, when
1:01:45
we're living in a space of gratitude for what
1:01:47
we do have, action for things that go on, love
1:01:50
for other people, that brings more light. It
1:01:54
drives out darkness in our own heart, in our
1:01:56
own soul. And then we can show that light better
1:01:59
to others. We just can. And think about the people
1:02:01
that we love the most that have the best, that
1:02:06
are the best examples to us. You know, like Gandhi
1:02:09
and like they've all gone through these horrible,
1:02:13
horrible, horrible things. And then they've been
1:02:16
able to choose love anyway. And that takes so
1:02:20
much strength. It's not weakness. And like, I
1:02:24
think that a lot of times we have. a lot of shame.
1:02:30
And then, you know, like you feel bad about things
1:02:35
that you've done because you love that person
1:02:37
and you can't deal with the shame. And so you
1:02:41
can, you know, anytime that you're in a trial,
1:02:43
think like, holy cow, like you wanted the great
1:02:45
ones because I had the opportunity to choose,
1:02:48
you know, like the opportunity to choose love
1:02:51
and be that example, like Nelson Mandela, you
1:02:54
know, would they be who they were without these
1:02:59
horrific things? And I would have preferred to
1:03:03
like just have a little princess life and like
1:03:05
not have to do everything. But if the world presented
1:03:09
this opportunity for me, like what if I am supposed
1:03:12
to be the princess that can handle things? You
1:03:15
know, at the end how she's like throwing all
1:03:17
of these amazing parties and like showing up
1:03:20
for the kids. And, you know, she had to go through
1:03:22
all of these horrible, horrible, horrible things
1:03:24
to be able to have that impact. Because a lot
1:03:27
of the best leaders have been through the worst
1:03:29
things. And you have so much respect for people
1:03:32
who have been through the worst things and choose
1:03:33
love anyway. Yeah, 100%. As the movie's wrapping
1:03:40
up, technically right before it really does,
1:03:42
there has to be some more conflict with Mother
1:03:46
Gothel and such. But when she's on a little boat
1:03:49
with Flynn Rider, right, and they're going to
1:03:51
go see the lanterns, they have this exchange.
1:03:54
She says, I've been looking out a window for
1:03:56
18 years, dreaming about what it might feel like
1:03:59
when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's
1:04:01
not everything that I dreamed it would be? And
1:04:04
the writer, he says, it will be. And then she
1:04:10
says, and what if it is? What do I do then? Well,
1:04:14
that's the good part, I guess. You get to go
1:04:16
find a new dream. And so for you, as you've had
1:04:20
these experiences and you've had things that
1:04:22
you've had to overcome, what would you, what's
1:04:27
your takeaway from that? And what would you tell
1:04:29
people of like, you go through something hard
1:04:31
and you still find light? Where do they go from
1:04:34
there as they continue down a path of trying
1:04:36
to find more love and trying to bring more love
1:04:39
to the world? Gosh, there was a time when I stopped
1:04:45
dreaming. I was in my surgeries and the world
1:04:54
got dark because I stopped dreaming. And I think
1:04:59
that if you could choose, dreaming is the way
1:05:06
that the world can be magical. You know what
1:05:09
I mean? And I think... You know, it takes a lot
1:05:16
to keep dreaming when you've been disappointed
1:05:17
a lot. But the alternative, you want to live
1:05:24
in a world that's like sucks. You know, you want
1:05:28
to live in a world that's pessimistic or like
1:05:31
you want to live in a world where you believe
1:05:33
in possibility. And, you know, I want to live
1:05:39
in a world. I want to wake up every single day
1:05:41
believing in possibility and that there's beauty
1:05:43
to be experienced. That dreams are so important
1:05:50
for like your soul's path and that they were
1:05:52
placed in you so that you could be developed
1:05:54
so that you could develop into who you were meant
1:05:57
to be for your soul. Right. And so I think that,
1:06:02
you know, it's a dream. If you get there, first
1:06:07
of all, I think gratitude is a way to always
1:06:11
see that dreams are being. you know, realize
1:06:15
like, I think you have to be grateful or else
1:06:18
it's never enough, right? What if it is? And,
1:06:21
or what if it isn't? And then never, never stop.
1:06:26
Like think about the world if people didn't dream,
1:06:29
it would be terrible. It'd be so monotonous.
1:06:32
And like, there are so many cool things that
1:06:35
you can do with visualization in your mind and
1:06:38
just belief in the world will present that to
1:06:42
you. That's just how it works, right? If I'm
1:06:44
like, Okay, look for everything that's orange
1:06:47
right now. And you're looking around the room,
1:06:49
right? And I tell you to close your eyes and
1:06:50
then tell me everything that's blue. Can you
1:06:54
do it? It's going to be hard. It's going to be
1:06:55
hard, right? Because you're focusing on the orange.
1:06:57
The first thing I thought was that orange pumpkin
1:06:59
there. And I wouldn't have thought about the
1:07:01
blue on Mickey's hat. 100%. Yeah. And it's like
1:07:04
your brain will bring evidence of whatever you
1:07:09
decide is true. So if you believe that the world
1:07:12
is bad. the your brain will find evidence to
1:07:17
make that true it's not even in like hippy dippy
1:07:19
land that's just like how the biology works and
1:07:21
the brain is a natural problem solver and so
1:07:24
if you can you're not giving it really cool problems
1:07:27
to solve like how could i get to my dream then
1:07:30
it creates problems and it just becomes negative
1:07:32
by nature and so so um yeah dreaming is that
1:07:37
i want to live in a fairy tale world and i want
1:07:41
to I like what you talked about with the dream,
1:07:43
which is you talked a little bit about like hope
1:07:44
and possibilities, right? Yeah. Because we're
1:07:46
not talking about like, well, let me go live
1:07:48
in a fantasy world where I can fly, right? And
1:07:50
I can teleport myself. That's not the kind of
1:07:52
dreaming we're talking about. We're talking about
1:07:53
dreaming like real things, like real impact of
1:07:55
happiness, of fulfillment, of starting our own,
1:08:00
you know, fitness thing that we've got going,
1:08:03
right? And something where you're impacting people's
1:08:05
lives, where they're connecting with you, right?
1:08:08
Like that's a dream fulfilled that you started
1:08:10
to do. And then you've done that. And now the
1:08:12
dream changes a little bit. You did that thing.
1:08:13
Now it changes a little bit. Okay, great. So
1:08:15
like from what I said, it's like, hey, now you
1:08:17
get to have a new one, right? You get to come
1:08:18
up with something new, which is still hopeful
1:08:20
and joyful and that we can look forward to and
1:08:23
work towards. And again, the alternative is a
1:08:27
submissive and bleak and darkness. And who wants
1:08:30
that? We sometimes allow ourselves to do it,
1:08:33
right? Yeah, of course you have to give yourself
1:08:35
space for that. Yeah, we sometimes get to that
1:08:37
place. But it's really important to find ways
1:08:40
and go back to things that can shake us out of
1:08:42
that and give us the reset we need so we can
1:08:44
get back to dreaming. As you mentioned, I'm a
1:08:49
divorce attorney. And so we work with a lot of
1:08:52
people coming out of divorce that their lives
1:08:55
are hard and they're going through a lot of challenges.
1:08:58
And that is needed, something like that, for
1:09:02
people to be able to have a place where they
1:09:03
can go and connect with other people, have a
1:09:06
sense of belonging. And, you know, find their
1:09:10
new dreams and build a new life. There's a real
1:09:13
space and a real need for something just like
1:09:15
that. And not to be like a bashing session, right?
1:09:18
Like, I feel like people get stuck there. I never
1:09:22
joined a cancer community because I did not want
1:09:25
to be in the, like, you know, like I knew that
1:09:28
my mindset and not, like, attaching that, my
1:09:31
self -worth and my identity, that was so important.
1:09:34
And so it's like, like. This freaking sucks.
1:09:38
And like, do you want to create something new?
1:09:40
And like, do you want to stay in this like deep,
1:09:42
dark crap? Or do you want to choose to create
1:09:45
something beautiful out of it? Yeah. But you
1:09:47
have to choose that. And it's sometimes really
1:09:49
hard. Yeah. So if someone out there is sitting
1:09:54
in their tower right now, and that mother Gothel
1:09:58
voice is really loud, what do you want them to
1:10:01
hear right now? I think the only person that
1:10:05
I am going to. take feedback from about myself
1:10:10
is me and god and any voice that is negative
1:10:14
is not coming from a source of truth and light
1:10:16
and that's coming from a pain within them like
1:10:20
i project that right like no and you can just
1:10:25
do not you get to decide what your life is and
1:10:29
who you are right like i was called like you're
1:10:32
incompetent like the other day and i started
1:10:35
to like you know and i'm like no, I'm not incompetent.
1:10:41
I'm freaking amazing. And I really am. And then
1:10:44
I show up that way, right? And if you're not
1:10:46
going to say that you're amazing, it's a sad
1:10:49
life. You get to choose that. And I'm learning
1:10:53
that with my daughter too. You know, like we
1:10:55
look in the mirror and we just listen to all
1:10:58
of this negativity around us and of the world
1:11:00
or whoever. And we don't realize that we have
1:11:03
a choice to put on a different filter of. What
1:11:07
if I just operated under the assumption that
1:11:08
I am freaking amazing? What would I be able to
1:11:10
find? What would my brain, what would my brain
1:11:14
present to me? What would my soul present to
1:11:16
me? Right? So anytime that somebody is like in
1:11:19
that, right? I always look at it like, okay,
1:11:23
this is coming from a source that's not truth
1:11:25
and light. So the opposite must be true. And
1:11:27
that can be the path that I follow. So if somebody
1:11:30
says I'm incompetent, I'm like, oh, I think that
1:11:34
the universe is trying to tell me that I'm. I'm
1:11:37
really smart and that I'm that I've been able
1:11:39
to like create amazing things from nothing right
1:11:42
and so anytime that you hear something negative
1:11:44
what if that is it's showing you what your other
1:11:49
north star is right and so it's like thank you
1:11:52
for that feedback because you're showing me what
1:11:54
isn't true and that where my soul wants me to
1:11:57
go next and it's kind of like a roadmap like
1:11:59
yeah like thank you for showing me my roadmap
1:12:04
and I can still I love you and know right because
1:12:08
a lot of times you don't want to hate that person
1:12:09
and and you feel like if you if you have to get
1:12:14
away you have to hate that person and I think
1:12:18
it's a lot harder and a lot stronger to say I
1:12:21
really don't hate that person and that's why
1:12:23
it's hard and I want to be the person that shows
1:12:26
up so much love because that's what I want the
1:12:30
world to be but it really does start with me
1:12:32
and if I have a next relationship I want to be
1:12:36
the one that isn't talking crap on the father
1:12:40
of my kids and it's hard when they've hurt you
1:12:43
so bad right but i want to be that pillar of
1:12:48
like love and hope and you you can choose that
1:12:52
you don't it's a skill it's a muscle so start
1:12:55
choosing that with one little thought a day like
1:12:58
if i were to go talk to god or my you know my
1:13:01
higher self or whatever what would they say about
1:13:03
me and what would they tell me to do And okay,
1:13:07
I have this last little thing that I've been
1:13:10
thinking about. So I call it circle self. So
1:13:13
we have the past, which is over here. And then
1:13:18
we have present, which is what we're doing right
1:13:20
now. And then we have future, right? And so I
1:13:23
always go to this version of me that's figured
1:13:27
it out. And I go ask her for advice. And I'll
1:13:31
be like, hey, how did you figure that out? And
1:13:34
I try to imagine her life like okay if if I were
1:13:38
to operate under the assumption that if I can
1:13:40
imagine something that it's actually true on
1:13:42
some quantum level right what would she be doing
1:13:45
what would she be wearing what would she tell
1:13:47
me to do right now and she's rooting for me she's
1:13:50
like you've you don't even get it you don't even
1:13:52
get how amazing your life is right so anytime
1:13:55
that I get sad about my divorce I think about
1:13:57
me in the future that's like married and happy
1:14:00
and like have this amazing husband that's like
1:14:02
doting on me which and and she's like oh you
1:14:05
don't even get it Right. And then I feel so much
1:14:09
better and I show up and I like have her routine
1:14:11
and my energy is totally different. So the circle
1:14:14
self. Go talk to your you in the future because
1:14:18
you think about the past and you can connect
1:14:21
to that version of you. So now you just have
1:14:23
to visualize and use that other side of your
1:14:25
brain, the creative, creative, magical side of
1:14:28
your brain, the prefrontal cortex. And go find
1:14:32
her and have her replace Mother Gothel as your.
1:14:36
is your leader. So let's, let's go to a couple
1:14:40
of fun segments. Okay, you good for that? You
1:14:41
down for it? Yeah. So we're gonna do this or
1:14:44
that first. So you will choose this or that.
1:14:46
Okay. And if you've got a controversial pick,
1:14:49
well, I will call you out. No, I'm just kidding.
1:14:52
But we'll see. We'll see where you land on some
1:14:53
of these guys. Okay, here we go. Pascal, or Pascal,
1:14:57
I guess really is what we say his name, Pascal
1:14:59
or Maximus. Gecko friend or the horse? I think
1:15:05
Pascal. Okay. I'm really allergic to horses.
1:15:09
Oh, so you're like, yeah, no dice on the horses.
1:15:11
I just feel like I'm like, he's like my little
1:15:12
secret, like. Oh, yeah, little buddy. You know
1:15:15
what I mean? He's always there with you, he's
1:15:16
got you, right? Yeah, seriously, it's like my
1:15:18
little secret. He's like, I can't see it, but
1:15:20
he makes me feel so powerful and loves, you know?
1:15:23
Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Frying pan or sword?
1:15:27
Frying pan for sure. I mean, the context of Tangled
1:15:30
has to be, right? Yeah. She uses that frying
1:15:32
pan. Maximus uses the frying pan. Yeah. But Ryder
1:15:35
ends up using it. I can't use it. Like, I am
1:15:38
her. You know what I mean? I'm like, Mandy Moore,
1:15:41
move aside, you know? Lanterns or fireworks?
1:15:47
Lanterns. Lanterns are magical. You love those
1:15:49
floating lanterns? Because you can ride on them
1:15:50
and then you can, like, dream. You know what
1:15:52
I mean? You're not the observer. You're the creator.
1:15:54
Yeah. Ooh, I like that. Painting or baking? Well,
1:16:00
I actually am obsessed with watercolor recently.
1:16:03
And I never knew that I would like it. So painting.
1:16:07
So painting has now become a love for you. I
1:16:09
love that. Okay, I didn't think this would be
1:16:12
an easy one. But now that I know more about you,
1:16:15
I think it will be. Barefoot or sneakers? Barefoot,
1:16:18
for sure. Yeah, for sure. I'm like, I'm always
1:16:24
taking off my shoes and like walking. I cold
1:16:28
plunge a lot. I love like walking on the rocks
1:16:32
and then thinking that the ions are like helping
1:16:34
kill my body, you know, into the grounding thing.
1:16:37
Yeah. So yeah, definitely barefoot for you. I'm
1:16:40
a sneakers guy. I do not like shoes off. I mean,
1:16:44
I like a lot of shoes. Oh, I've got some AJ ones
1:16:48
for sure. I think I've got four pair of AJ ones.
1:16:52
Yeah, two golf shoes that are. Yeah. Yeah. I
1:16:55
also like dress shoes because I like to dress
1:16:57
up. So, girl, I got a lot of shoes. Literally,
1:17:00
when I walked in, I'm like, are you kidding me?
1:17:01
You're wearing that and I'm wearing this? Like,
1:17:04
rude. I'm like, I should have worn my purple
1:17:07
dress. That would have been amazing. Like, oh,
1:17:10
we really are Rapunzel today. That would have
1:17:12
been awesome. Like, awkwardly. Like, who is this
1:17:15
chick? I'm ready for my performance. Sunrise
1:17:20
or sunset? Sunset. Okay. Tell me why. My family,
1:17:28
we always sit on the back porch and we watch
1:17:32
the sunset. And I just think there's, whenever
1:17:35
you're watching a sunset, you usually are with
1:17:37
a bunch of people that you love. A sunrise is
1:17:39
usually solo, which you can get a lot of, it's
1:17:41
more of a spiritual thing for me, but I just
1:17:43
want to be like my family eating ice cream or
1:17:45
something, you know? It's actually a really great
1:17:47
description because as you're saying it, I was
1:17:49
singing very much the same thing. I see the sunrise
1:17:52
generally when I get up to run. So there's something
1:17:57
cool about it being like this is a sort of a
1:17:59
new day. I've got a lot of opportunities today.
1:18:01
I can really think about what my day is going
1:18:02
to be like or put myself in the right mindset.
1:18:04
Yeah. Instead, it's definitely what other people
1:18:06
think. Yeah. In the same way as I can. alone
1:18:14
versus when I'm with my wife and my wife and
1:18:15
kids, like it's so much better. When I'm with
1:18:17
family, I'm with people and you're watching this
1:18:20
beautiful sunset and just enjoying what nature's
1:18:22
bringing. Oh, there's something magical about
1:18:25
that. Have you been to Lake Powell? Yes, but
1:18:27
I was very young. Oh, I was like 10. Yeah, you
1:18:31
need to do that again. I know now I'm old. It's
1:18:33
34 years ago. So how long ago that was? Yeah.
1:18:36
You look great. You look very young. Your skin
1:18:39
care routine is so good. It's the Botox. No,
1:18:40
I'm just kidding. Obviously not. I got a lot
1:18:42
of wrinkles, but my wife was teasing me about
1:18:44
Botox today. Girl, I am not using Botox, all
1:18:46
right? Yeah, don't, because once you do it, you'll
1:18:49
love it. Oh, goodness. Shout out to Tracy at
1:18:53
Rise. Hey, Tracy. Thank you, Tracy, for making
1:18:56
me look beautiful. Mountains or beach? Oh, I
1:19:01
love the beach for a vacation, but man. The mountains
1:19:06
have healed me through cancer in a way that I'm
1:19:09
like, there is magic there, you know? So I think
1:19:13
right now more mountains actually. One of my
1:19:17
favorite things I've ever done is I've only been
1:19:21
to Hawaii once. And my wife and I went, we were
1:19:25
on Oahu. So obviously beautiful beaches. And
1:19:28
the same day that we went to the beach, we had
1:19:30
rented a convertible. We drove up through the
1:19:34
mountains. On Oahu. I mean, it was just like
1:19:38
one of the perfect days that I've had in my life.
1:19:41
It was just everything that you want to have
1:19:43
from Hawaii, everything you want to have from
1:19:44
the beauty of the beach to the beauty of the
1:19:46
mountains and enjoying the slow pace. Because
1:19:49
when we're driving around the mountain, we're
1:19:50
going 15 miles an hour. It's soaking it up. You're
1:19:53
like, life is good. Life is so good. Yes. So
1:19:56
mountains and beaches are a hard one for me too
1:19:58
because both are really great. Okay, here's an
1:20:00
interesting one I wrote down. Instagram or TikTok?
1:20:03
Instagram. Okay. TikTok, no way for you. TikTok
1:20:06
is like the wild, wild west. Oh, girl. Yeah,
1:20:08
it is. Have you seen the comments on there? Like,
1:20:10
I'm terrified. Like, they're like, oh, a cancer
1:20:13
patient survivor. Like, let's destroy her. You
1:20:16
know what I mean? I mean, in theory, I don't
1:20:17
know. I'm too scared. They're like just, they're
1:20:19
brutal up in there. I get a lot of comments on
1:20:24
there. And so I haven't really experienced much
1:20:25
of that, you know. But TikTok is, there's a lot
1:20:30
of stuff on TikTok. A lot of crazy stuff on there.
1:20:32
Yeah, there will be. They're scary. Disneyland
1:20:34
or Disney World? Land. My ex's family is from
1:20:39
Disney World, so maybe I just have a little bit
1:20:40
of PTSD from my marriage. You know what I mean?
1:20:43
But Disneyland is just amazing. I actually have
1:20:47
a friend who's in Club 30. You might need to
1:20:52
have her on here. We need to have her on here.
1:20:54
She's so freaking cool. I have a vision board,
1:20:57
right? Everybody should. Yeah, of course. And
1:21:00
you know what's on my vision board? Club 33 accents?
1:21:02
Club 33. It is on there. Like, a little bit more.
1:21:05
I have that on my vision board because I've never
1:21:08
been and I, like, really want to go. Club 33
1:21:12
is definitely on the vision board. Disneyland's
1:21:14
wonderful. My wife and I just went there this
1:21:16
last weekend. Yeah. Hotter than Hades, though.
1:21:19
Really? 104. Really? On October 2nd. Oh, you
1:21:24
were supposed to be going in the good phase.
1:21:26
It was crazy. It was so hot. Like, nobody could
1:21:28
understand it. It was so weird. It was so hot.
1:21:31
There were certain rides they couldn't be running
1:21:32
during the middle of the day because it was so
1:21:34
hot. Yeah, because some of them, like, I was
1:21:37
telling our producer Dawson this, there's the
1:21:38
ride, the Luigi's ride. Yeah. The fun little
1:21:41
dancing cars. Mm -hmm. On the car itself, like
1:21:44
when you go to get out, there's a metal strip
1:21:46
that's there. Like it's like actually metal,
1:21:47
metal, like shiny metal. When I went to get out
1:21:50
and I touched it, like it burned my hand. Oh,
1:21:52
my gosh. And I'm like, if that's me as an adult,
1:21:54
I'm like, there's no way they're going to have
1:21:56
to shut this thing down. And as an attorney,
1:21:58
you understand the liability of that. Right.
1:22:00
And this was like 10 o 'clock in the morning.
1:22:03
And so knowing it was going to get as hot as
1:22:05
it was, like I was not surprised when that shut
1:22:07
down. and credit coaster shut down like it's
1:22:10
all outside metal some of these rides like it's
1:22:12
just too hot like it's just not realistic to
1:22:15
keep it cooled down for people getting in and
1:22:16
out of it so i'm like man we still loved it though
1:22:19
we did just an old trip just my wife and i So
1:22:22
super fun. We've definitely missed the kids.
1:22:24
Like there was a good button. We're like, this
1:22:26
would be so fun with the kids. I know. Like you
1:22:28
make it so magical. Like a little mermaid and
1:22:30
monsters. Yes. Oh, for our littlest one. She's
1:22:33
six. Like, oh, I was like, oh, she's so funny.
1:22:36
She was here. But it was still a great time.
1:22:38
We had a great time. Okay. Last one of this or
1:22:41
that. Hot cocoa or lemonade? Hot cocoa. Like
1:22:48
up by a fire, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah.
1:22:50
Yeah, especially if it's like fall or wintertime.
1:22:52
Yeah. Mm -hmm. But there is like a pomegranate
1:22:55
lemonade at, or a pear one. Have you ever had
1:22:58
a pear one at Pizzeria Limon? No. Prickly pear
1:23:01
lemonade. You're like, I need to now. It's life
1:23:04
-changing. What a great name to prickly pear.
1:23:07
I know, right? It's so good. It's so good. It
1:23:10
has like basil in it. And so maybe if it's that
1:23:12
lemonade, like maybe we'll do beach in the lemonade.
1:23:15
That's fair. Yeah. Okay, here's a rapid fire.
1:23:18
You ready for this? Yes. Favorite Disney movie?
1:23:23
I love Frozen 2. You do? I love Frozen 2. So
1:23:28
this might be a hot take. I actually think I
1:23:31
like Frozen 2 more than Frozen 1. I do too. And
1:23:34
I love Frozen 1. It was seriously, it was terrific.
1:23:37
But something about Frozen 2, I just like the
1:23:41
character development you saw, the songs were
1:23:43
so good. I just loved it. Like show yourself?
1:23:45
Oh, so good. Yes. I was like, that changed my
1:23:49
life. Yeah. Yeah. Show yourself. Like, yeah,
1:23:54
I think that I've probably learned that. I'm
1:23:56
like, wait a minute, this is me. Like, I did
1:23:58
that, you know? Yeah. I love in that movie, the
1:24:01
relationship as it evolves with Anna and Elsa.
1:24:04
I also love the Anna and Kristoff relationship.
1:24:08
Yeah. Like, he is such a good example. I feel
1:24:12
like I'm just being really supportive. He didn't
1:24:14
try to step in. He didn't try to take things
1:24:17
away. He didn't try to like do it for her. It
1:24:19
was just support. Yeah. Which I think is really,
1:24:22
it's a good lesson some of us dudes can learn.
1:24:25
Like we don't have to do everything. Like we
1:24:26
sometimes can just be supportive. You're just
1:24:27
like, the one who doesn't speak like. Yeah. Yeah.
1:24:32
So yeah, I love Frozen too. It's so good. Favorite
1:24:35
Disney song? Favorite Disney song? Dang it. Oh,
1:24:45
you want to know what I really like? Wait, is
1:24:47
Anastasia Disney? Oh, I should really know this.
1:24:51
And for some reason, I'm not sure. On this journey
1:24:53
to the past. That one's so good. That's your
1:24:57
favorite? Okay. Well, just because I like it.
1:24:59
Let's go. And I also really love, really, really,
1:25:02
really love The Little Mermaid. The Little Mermaid
1:25:05
one, too. Which song from The Little Mermaid?
1:25:07
Why can't I think of it right now? Party of Worlds.
1:25:09
Yeah, Party of Worlds. Under the Sea. Party of
1:25:11
Worlds. Poor unfortunate souls. Girl, I can go
1:25:12
on. I love me some little. Well, now I love the
1:25:15
scuttle one because my daughter freaking crushed
1:25:17
it. Human stuff. She's so cute. But yeah. I love
1:25:20
that world. What would I give if I could live
1:25:24
under these waters? Right. So Jodi Benson was
1:25:28
just here like a week and a half ago. She was
1:25:30
at Ben X. Why don't I know who Jodi Benson is?
1:25:33
She played Ariel. She was the voice of Ariel.
1:25:35
What? She was here. Did a few of the Disney princesses
1:25:38
that were there. I had the opportunity to do
1:25:40
some. I had to press pass to do some interviews
1:25:42
for a suicide prevention organization. Oh, cool.
1:25:46
But unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to talk
1:25:48
to her. Like, I really wanted to. Like, she is
1:25:50
iconic. Like, that show is so amazing. She does
1:25:53
such a wonderful performance in that movie. Like,
1:25:56
my goodness. Jodie Bitson got it going on. She
1:25:59
does. Girls got it going on. She crushed. I'm
1:26:01
not doing a very good job at rapid fire. I'm,
1:26:02
like, talking. I know. I'm sorry. No, it's my
1:26:05
fault. It's really my fault. Okay. Favorite Disney
1:26:08
princess? Oh. I just love Rapunzel. I just love
1:26:13
Rapunzel. I feel like I'm obsessed with Rapunzel.
1:26:15
She's so cute. Because you are her. I know. And
1:26:17
her hair, I'm like. Has to be. Like, I might
1:26:20
have extensions right now, but before chemo,
1:26:21
my hair really was like, it's okay. I was bald.
1:26:25
Favorite Disney hero or heroine? Hercules. Hercules
1:26:29
is a good one. Hercules is such an epic movie.
1:26:33
Yeah. Like, all of that music. Are you kidding
1:26:36
me? The music's fantastic. Meg is a great character.
1:26:40
She's so cool. She crushes. She totally does.
1:26:43
And she's like, kind of like, she's kind of sexy.
1:26:45
Wow, Disney. The way she moves. She's like, all
1:26:51
right, lover boy. You know, I need to like channel
1:26:53
that when I'm like, I'm too, I need to, I need
1:26:56
to not be as sweet and I need to be a little
1:26:57
more like. A little more Meg. No, no. Favorite
1:27:02
ride at Disney? Any of the Disney parks? Space
1:27:06
Mountain. I love Space Mountain. I could go on
1:27:09
it over and over and over again. Do you like
1:27:10
it when they do like the kind of the Star Wars
1:27:13
twist? Yes. Yeah. I think it's a good one when
1:27:16
they do that. Yeah, the U2 I wasn't as impressed
1:27:17
with, you know what I mean? Totally fair. I love
1:27:20
Space Mountain. I love going on it with my boys
1:27:23
because they were like terrified. I'm like, no,
1:27:25
no, no, I don't like roller coasters. I won't
1:27:26
go on the Incredicoaster, but this one's like
1:27:28
the perfect amount of, you know, the little.
1:27:31
The little hills and stuff like that. So it was
1:27:33
so fun to go with my babies. Oh, my gosh. It
1:27:36
just really went. My 10 -year -old, that's her
1:27:38
favorite ride. It's the best. And she is such
1:27:40
an adventure girl. And I love it. And I love
1:27:42
that that's her favorite ride. Like, it's, I,
1:27:45
yeah. I just, like, want to go on that ride with
1:27:47
her just so I can experience it with her. Because
1:27:49
she has so much joy when she goes on that ride.
1:27:51
It's the cutest. Yes. Because it's the best.
1:27:55
Favorite, let's say favorite road down Utah Canyon.
1:27:59
But I'm thinking more like. Favorite Utah hike
1:28:02
or favorite Utah outdoor place to visit? Oh,
1:28:05
I just went last. Well, I just love AF Canyon.
1:28:09
There's this little place where you pull off
1:28:11
and I go cold plunging with my friends, even
1:28:12
in the winter. It literally looks like a mermaid
1:28:15
lagoon. I was saying that. I'm like, this is
1:28:18
a mermaid lagoon. And so I love AF Canyon so
1:28:23
much because it's like right by my house. And
1:28:25
so I can just go up in there and. cold plunge
1:28:28
even right now in the summer. And it's straight
1:28:31
up magical. And I go with all my friends and
1:28:33
we cry together and we'll, you know, it's, it's
1:28:37
magic. Love it. I love it. What advice do I have
1:28:42
for little girls? Okay, let's hear it. What advice
1:28:45
do you have for little girls? So I feel like
1:28:47
we're living in a world right now where everybody
1:28:50
is trying to tell you, you know, what your body
1:28:53
should look like. And, um, As somebody that has
1:28:58
dealt with so much loss, what I am teaching my
1:29:02
daughter now, it's like, I want you to look in
1:29:03
the mirror and I want you to think about your
1:29:06
body not being here. You wouldn't exist. And
1:29:09
all we do is we sit here and we pick apart our
1:29:12
bodies. And now that you've seen mommy go through
1:29:16
cancer, if I wasn't here, would you care what
1:29:19
my body looked like? Like if you could have me
1:29:22
back, would you care if I was bald? She's like,
1:29:25
no. not known like the body holds your beating
1:29:28
heart and your spirit and it's so magical and
1:29:31
you're so important just as you are and don't
1:29:33
listen all of that darkness that is going to
1:29:36
try to get you down and dim your light because
1:29:38
if you're not really careful then you'll listen
1:29:42
to all of those lies like your body is working
1:29:44
perfectly it's magic it's like converting co2
1:29:48
and you know or oxygen into CO2 without you consciously
1:29:53
knowing it, it grew you without, like there's
1:29:55
a wisdom and a consciousness that is in your
1:29:58
body and you connect to that. You don't care
1:30:01
what it looks like and you'll just be like so
1:30:03
grateful to be alive and you'll realize how important
1:30:06
and special you are. That's a great advice. I
1:30:09
love that. Yeah. So what we like to do, we like
1:30:12
to end every episode with three actionable takeaways.
1:30:17
Three things that you would suggest that people
1:30:18
can do to put into effect in their lives the
1:30:21
topic that we have. In this case, you know, choosing
1:30:23
compassion when it's hard or choosing kindness
1:30:25
when it's hard or finding compassion in situations.
1:30:28
What are your three actionable? They might be
1:30:32
kind of weird, but that's okay. We're ready for
1:30:34
it. I'm here for it. Number one is I heard of
1:30:39
Wim Hof breathing. Yes. That's what you do in
1:30:42
your cold punch, right? Yeah. So you get like
1:30:44
a breath work and then he does and then he does
1:30:46
cold plunge. So basically what you do is you
1:30:48
do 30 deep inhales like and you fill up your
1:30:52
body and then you exhale and you can hold your
1:30:53
breath for like two minutes and it gets rid of
1:30:56
a lot of these nasty cells and alkalines your
1:30:59
body. It's really cool. And what I do is I like
1:31:02
to do my visualizations there. And so I will
1:31:07
visualize giving all of. you know, this hate
1:31:13
that I have for the other person or whatever
1:31:15
to something that's bigger than me. I think we
1:31:17
all, whatever you believe in, if it's Jesus or
1:31:20
the big kahuna or whatever, and you just give
1:31:23
it and you allow that entity to just see you
1:31:26
and they see your pain and they are with you
1:31:29
and they hold it with you. And then. they take
1:31:33
care of the rest. So you'd like literally like
1:31:35
visualize giving it to them in the breath holds.
1:31:37
That's really, really helpful for me. So if you
1:31:39
go on YouTube, you can, you can do Wim Hof. I
1:31:42
put in binarial beats, like meditation music.
1:31:45
Again, remember that your nervous system does
1:31:47
not know the difference between visualization
1:31:49
and actually doing that. And so it helps you
1:31:52
get rid of that like stuff that you're holding
1:31:55
onto and become something new by letting your
1:31:58
body experience the forgiveness and experience
1:32:00
the love and experience the transformation so
1:32:03
that you don't get stuck. And so I do that like
1:32:06
every day, you know, like here it is and just
1:32:09
see all of this pain and just. you know, just
1:32:12
see it because that's all pain just wants to
1:32:14
be witnessed. And so if you can get something
1:32:16
that knows you perfectly and loves you perfectly
1:32:18
to witness and connect to that, it's totally
1:32:20
transformative. And it's like, you'll feel completely
1:32:23
different. So cool. And I say my prayers there
1:32:26
too. You're welcome. You might have some crazy,
1:32:28
cool, mystical experiences. That's number one.
1:32:30
Okay. Love it. Number two is you have to look
1:32:38
at yourself and see if your love is like kind
1:32:40
of having an addictive quality like I think that
1:32:44
my love turned into this like like need for like
1:32:49
validation like I couldn't break it and so um
1:32:53
I would make and honor commitments with myself
1:32:57
so I put this necklace on and I was like okay
1:33:00
I'm not going to I'm not going to do certain
1:33:06
actions to help me like break the like addiction
1:33:10
to whether it be like the chaos or the norm or
1:33:12
whatever, I'm going to make an honor a commitment
1:33:15
with myself that I'm not going to do a certain
1:33:17
action for 30 days. And I'm going to put on this
1:33:20
necklace. And every time I have an urge to, you
1:33:22
know, reach out to my, my ex and try to, you
1:33:26
know, you know, just get into the same pattern,
1:33:28
like, I'm just going to hold this and I'm going
1:33:29
to take a breath. And I'm going to say like,
1:33:32
no, like, you protect yourself and you stay here.
1:33:35
And so honoring commitments that you make with
1:33:37
yourself as something in your external environment
1:33:39
is so important. And going to your future self
1:33:44
and asking her what, or him, what advice they
1:33:48
have and writing it down and writing down what
1:33:50
their routine would be and implementing that
1:33:53
routine now, right? Like the you that has so
1:33:56
much light, that's so happy. What is she wearing?
1:33:58
What is she doing? What friends is she hanging
1:34:00
out with? And like, take... all of that information,
1:34:03
implement now, and then your reality will just
1:34:06
become her with the routine. Love it. Kind of
1:34:10
fun. Yeah, amazing. Those are terrific. We'll
1:34:14
put a link to maybe a YouTube video for the Wim
1:34:17
Hof into the show notes. We'll get something
1:34:20
in there like that, give people something to
1:34:22
take a look at. And yeah, just what a lovely
1:34:25
conversation. Thank you so much for being vulnerable
1:34:27
with us today and helping people see. And you
1:34:32
at the core of who you are, which is a really
1:34:34
lovely person. And taking a look at what a wonderful,
1:34:38
you know, Disney movie, Entangled, and some great
1:34:41
life lessons there. Really appreciate you and
1:34:44
your kindness and your compassion. Thank you.
1:34:47
As you leave this conversation, remember that,
1:34:50
yes, the past can hurt. And you can either run
1:34:53
from it or you can learn from it. So here's to
1:34:56
learning and finding joy in the journey. See
1:35:00
you real soon.