Latest / Authentic Living / Keka Dasgupta shares principles of Gratitude Centered Leadership

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Keka Dasgupta shares principles of Gratitude Centered Leadership · Authentic Living

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Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have conscious conversations
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about things that really matter in our lives.
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And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
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Hi, everyone.
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It's up Roxanne.
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Thanks for tuning in again this week.
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This week, I have a colleague of Kika Des Gupta.
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Hi, Kika.
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How are you today?
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Hi.
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I'm great.
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How are you?
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So Keika, brings a lot of, unique experience, with her.
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And, just recently, actually, just before I got on the line, I was able to jump on and check
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out her, TED Talk, which really gave me some, beautiful things to think about.
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So I'm gonna read, Kika's, Bio.
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And, if there's anything that I miss, Kate, I invite you to kind of jump in at the end and
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share it with the audience.
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So she helps people do life on their own terms.
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She's the founder of a platform called The Arts of LIFING, LIF, ING.
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She's the mom of 2 and has spent her, her working life as an award winning PR marketing
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veteran and now as an entrepreneur to studying the emotional undercurrents that connect people
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to people and people to brands.
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She's worked with such global, globally recognized brands as IKEA, Nike, Disney,
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Johnson, and Johnson, American Express and many, many more fortune 500s.
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She offers, keynote, speaking events interactive workshops online programming for
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corporations to create happy, healthy cultures, and anti bullying programs to schools across
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North America something that's so well needed.
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All using a gratitude centered leadership.
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So take thanks again for coming on and spending time with my audience today.
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Yeah.
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That's it.
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Thank you for having me.
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So is there anything that, you didn't highlight in your bio that like to share with, with the
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listeners.
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Oh, no.
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I think I covered it, very well.
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I'm I'm excited to share this entire journey of life ing with you today.
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So
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Okay.
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So tell us about that concept of life ing.
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You know?
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So just like it's spelled, it's l I f e I n g.
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So tell me about that and kind of where that came from and and kind of the your path and and
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what gets you here.
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Doing the things that you do and, daily and love.
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Sure.
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Well, you know, this started for me a few years ago.
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I was at an event where a gentleman named Philip McKernan was giving a talk downtown.
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And he's known to be somebody who sort of works with people to kind of bring out the the best
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of who they are, you know, so he he talks about, discovering you and becoming you.
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And so I was here in a room with, like, maybe two hundred people, and he talked about a few
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things, and then he said, anybody have any questions?
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And I sort of had this like, you know, it's now or never moments.
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So I stood up and I said, Philip, I feel like I have lost who I am deep inside.
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So by all accounts, if anybody looked at me, they would say, well, she's got a really
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successful life.
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So I'm so grateful that I have, an amazing husband.
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I've been married for it'll be 22 years this May.
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I'm a mom of 2 boys, So I've got 2 boys who are twelve and eight, I'm a I'm some wife, I'm a
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mom, I'm a sister, I'm a daughter, I'm a friend, I'm an entrepreneur.
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I have a successful marketing career.
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I have all of these things.
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But these are all roles that I play.
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And if somebody comes and says to me, well, Kika, who are you?
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Like, what what what are you all about?
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I have no word to describe that.
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And that feels like that shouldn't be the case.
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I shouldn't be fixing that.
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And, interestingly, you know, he he responded And I don't even fully remember everything that
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he said in that moment.
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I just remember standing up, among that crowd and just feeling very mock you know, just not
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knowing who I was.
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And I thought I can't believe I got to this place where I have had all the successes that
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you would imagine externally.
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But internally, I felt like I was missing something.
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And, I I can't even tell you Roxanne how many people came to me afterwards years later when I
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would mention this re his, his presentation was called the red shoe tour.
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And I said, that was my red shoe moment where I stood up.
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And I can't tell you how many people said, oh my gosh.
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I was there in the audience.
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I remember you asking that question, and it surprised me because I thought, how how would
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you know, how many conversations do we have on an everyday basis?
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How many times do people ask questions in a group setting?
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And I couldn't believe how many people remembered that And, over the years, when I
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started to discover is that I wasn't alone.
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That's a question that a lot of people ask, and that Most times in society today, what we do is
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we focus on external factors, or levels or, certain milestones that we have to reach to
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define success.
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And that's what we think is a good life that being successful equals having a good life.
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But the art of life, as I've sort of come to discover it is creating life where you can
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grow, you can experience all those successes that you want, but that you do it while you're
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also thinking about how to keep yourself happy, how to nourish your soul, how to not just think
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about the external factors, but also to really think about what you wanna do on your own
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terms.
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So when I look at my life today, you know, one of my key values is family.
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That's a critical piece for me.
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And so I always talk about the fact that even though I have my own business, my kids have to
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be my number one client.
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Because at the end of the day, every day that I'm leaving them at home and going out to a
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meeting or to business meetings all work, I'm taking time away from them, but I'm doing to
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build our life together and their future and our our time to make memories together.
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And so if I'm going to work for them.
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That's the compass I need to keep in my mind.
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So I'm now embarking on this journey called the Art of Lifeing, and I use gratitude as a
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critical piece to help center myself back.
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And I teach corporations, and I teach schools when it comes to anti bullying, how to use
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gratitude and how not to just practice it yourself, but share it and gift it with other
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people, but doing all of those things in order to build a life on your own terms.
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And that by that, I mean, it's about success, but it's also about happiness so that you can
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find yourself and live the life that you really to live deep down inside.
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I think you'd find that, that concept, you know, if you think of girlfriends when you get
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together, you know, and at the stage and age that you're at, I remember having those
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conversations, looking around your your dinner table with your girl friends or even I think
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men also experience it, but I think for us as women and, you know, nothing against the men
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listening.
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But we often talk about those things.
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Like, you know, I've kinda I've done the university.
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I've done done the career.
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I have had the children.
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I have had the marriage.
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We've been into a second marriage or separation, and it's kinda like now what?
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You know, and the traditional would say, is that not, you know, let's use a a term that we
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know you know, a midlife crisis, but really it's about hitting all those marks that are
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expected of us externally in the world.
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Being quite quite successful at it by the sounds of things.
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And then it's thinking, okay.
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So now what?
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Yes.
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Absolutely.
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Well, and, you know, I'm marketer, as a marketer by trade, I've I've been a marketing
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NPR professional for 23 years before I sort of moved into this area.
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One of the key things that I think is that, you know, we're living in an era where even if we
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don't recognize it, we have a bit of a self worth crisis in some ways.
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You know, so many of us, like, our human need is to feel like we belong to feel like we
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matter that we're contributing or we're doing something were weren't enough.
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But quite often, when you look at marketing out there today, and, you know, and I I did this
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for 23 years, it it is like, we we want, as a marketer, I I need you as my customer to need
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me.
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And so if I need you to need me, then, really, essentially, what I'm saying is you're not
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enough on your own.
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You need me to be enough.
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So you need the shampoo to make your hair shinier.
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You need this toothpaste to make your teeth wider.
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If they're not wider, then they're you're it's not enough.
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You need that car so that other can admire you because you who you are on your own is not
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enough.
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And so I think that, you know, we grow up being bombarded with kinds of messages over and over
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again, and we start to believe that it's all of those external factors that are what need to
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give us the validation that we need.
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But at the end of the day, whether we matter or not or whether we contribute or not, all comes
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from deep within us.
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And I think that quite often the midlife crisis is usually when people get to the point where
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they break off, they've had enough experience to go against the flow and say, hang on a
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second.
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I'm not living by those rules anymore.
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You know, it's the it's that point where they break free, but it is something that can happen
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at any time.
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And so the goal would be that if we use the art of life, from the very beginning and say that
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we're gonna live life on our own terms, and define a really great life, not just with
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success, but also with happiness.
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That can happen in your teens, your twenties, your thirties.
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It doesn't you don't have to wait until your midlife crisis.
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To be able to experience that that you can live a much more fulfilling life.
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And, you know, interestingly, if you look at the entrepreneurial world, there's so many
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founders who have built a company from the ground up been incredibly successful and and
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are worshiped by people.
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You know, they're put up high on pedestals and everybody thinks this person has the dream
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life, and they are at the top, and they go, this is it.
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There's gotta be more to life.
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And then you find that they move into their next transition where they do something that's
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way more meaningful for themselves.
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I've been following Ariana Huffington, you know, where she started the Huffington Post.
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Now she does Thrive Global.
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She's a perfect example of somebody who's suddenly found a a passion and a cause that's,
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you know, more than just the news outlet that she created, and now she's doing something with
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more meaning.
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So many entrepreneurs do the same thing in their second or third rounds.
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They start to do things where they're putting happiness and impact and and their personal,
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gifts to the table.
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And I think that's what we're trying to do is we're trying to hack that system and not have
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to wait until you get to that midlife crisis point, but actually hack it from beforehand so
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that you can avoid all of the the nonsense beforehand and really get to the heart of
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what's gonna make your life really amazing.
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Makes a lot of sense because I often think of, like, in my coaching and my practice that,
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people will come with the same things.
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Right?
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They'll say, you know, you know, I have done this.
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I've done that.
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And especially women, like, think about us and, you know, at at the positions that we are today
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as entrepreneurs, or past executives, both of us.
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Yes.
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You know, a generation of 2, our moms weren't doing that.
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Like, I mean, they were in a different spot.
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If their kids were, you know, while taken care of, well, mattered, well dressed, well fed, all
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those things, that was, you know, and you know, they were frontward facing and looking okay in
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the world.
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Everything was good.
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And now we are in such a special place to some degree that we could step back, like, a an area
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Ariana Huffington or other women in the world, be it near you and C.
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O.
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K.
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Like, what What imprint do I wanna leave?
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Yes.
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It's not all audience that you have or I have.
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You know, we can sit back and then really have these open conversations and actually create
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it, like, based on what you said, when you ask that question, which oftentimes, must have been
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a a proud moment for you to hear about it after.
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A lot of people are oftentimes too scared to get up and ask the question that's burning even
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though they may have it.
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Right?
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And then when you ask that you realize, wow, there's a lot of people.
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Right?
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Yeah.
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And, you know, sometimes too, people are on that autopilot or that hamster wheel.
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They don't even realize it.
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And I think that's part of what we wanna do is get people to realize that, you know, if you're
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in a life where you're just doing things or you've fallen into a pattern and a routine
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every day.
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And you're like, why am I doing this?
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I don't even know why I'm doing this.
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It is time to ask those questions.
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And you're absolutely right that we are so lucky to be living in a time today where we not
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only have the freedom to be able to follow our path in many different ways.
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I'm gonna technology has enabled us to do that in many ways, but I also think our collective
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conscience has helped us.
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And I think that, you know, this is the time for us to ask those questions.
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I got very lucky when I was working, I was working for an ad agency, DDB, and I and I
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still consult with them now.
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But once I had my older son, Caden, I just did not wanna spend time away from my newborn baby,
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and the agency world is not a 9 to 5 job.
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It's amazing and tons of fun, and you learn so much, but it's just not a 9 to 5 type of job.
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And so when I went in, excuse me, fighting was cold, when I went in and I and I was I was I
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was gonna quit my job and basically to say that I just really wanna be with my son, and so I'm
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gonna let this position go and and go into a freelance world.
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The agency said, you know, we don't wanna lose you.
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Maybe you can work time, and I just sort of knew that I needed to really sort of separate
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things in order to have my freedom.
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The agency came back and said, okay.
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You know what?
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Would you consult for us?
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And I said, yeah.
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Absolutely.
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I can do that.
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And it's just that our mindsets are different in the workforce today that they allowed me to
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do that.
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And what that meant was I could be home with my kids.
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I could be feeding my son.
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I could give him a bath.
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Then I could go in for a meeting, and I could come back.
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And I could do work from home.
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You know, who gave me so many freedoms in that way, and I think that we are in a world today
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where if we just ask the right questions, we can really take advantage of this era that
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we're in.
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And, and live life fully to our own purpose.
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So I mean, it's so interesting that you said that because myself, the same thing.
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So I was, seventeen and a half year old.
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And at the time, you know, I got pregnant right up right right right when starting wasn't
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planned.
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And I'm like, oh my goodness.
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Now what am I gonna do?
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Right?
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And then I thought, okay.
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So now within a year, I was pregnant of starting with consulting firm.
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And then it was like, well, I have, you know, I'm in Niagara.
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They're in Toronto.
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You know, it's different when you're on your own.
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Those type things.
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And then I had some decision to make because I thought, I can't come home at 7 o'clock at
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night when my baby's I've missed a full day.
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Yeah.
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You know, kind of beside myself, So I went to them and said that I, I love my job.
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I love consulting with, you know, all the companies that I did with health and wellness
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strategy and mental health and wellness.
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But I would have to, you know, quit.
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And at that point, they said, you know what?
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We'll work something out.
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And I went, okay.
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Well, that's and that was beef just when consultants were going virtual.
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It's where
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you can
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work kinda basically, you'd have a set up.
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And I was fortunate.
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I was one of the first ones.
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There was an amalgamation, and the new culture coming in in and her already had a bit had a
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bit of that.
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I'm lucky.
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I was able to keep the job that I loved, but also like you, be able to, you know, stay at
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home You know, when my little guy came through the door, you know, he can come up to me and
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even if I was on on the phone, ask you for me for a cookie because if I wasn't listening to
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you know, being on a call that I was running, I could be available.
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Yeah.
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So again, a world where a lot for a lot of and and I think men are equally as able to now and
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women that we can still enjoy, you know, the things that we wanna do.
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That said, the one that are listening that are at home, or or in traditional roles or have
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jobs, I want them to know that my what I hear you clearly saying is find out what you love
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and it doesn't mean that you have to be an entrepreneur.
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Just make that imprint in some way.
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Oh, absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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And, you know, I've been lucky enough in my career too.
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I I've spent the 1st, 1st part of my career.
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The 1st 7 years working at IKEA Canada, Canada, and, it was in their PR department in their
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head office, and we did some amazing things.
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And, you know, throughout my career, I've always made a promise to myself that I wanna
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get up in the morning and go to work look feeling excited, you know, like wanting to go
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into work and wanting to do something that's really, impactful.
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And so, I feel like, you know, even in traditional jobs today, it's so important to
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take the initiative to follow your heart and do the things you wanna do even within our
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organizations.
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I think the opportunity to be an intrapreneur within corporate companies is huge right now
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because I think companies are looking for that disruption.
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And, you know, I think for many different companies, It's they appreciate you navigating
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your own career.
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And so if something's not working for you right now, they appreciate you going up and asking
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them and talking about things in exploring and looking for other opportunities.
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And so I always encourage, people to look for that, you know, and when it comes to the
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corporate workshop I do.
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I work with middle managers and top leaders, and I say to them, you know, how comfortable
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are your employees to come and talk to you about things?
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And, you know, today, I I really do believe that work and life, there isn't a work life
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balance.
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It's really work life integration because, you know, we're working for people's mindshare so
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often to in most jobs, even a cashier at the front end of a store can look at how products
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are being packed and might be able to say, hey.
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You know what?
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If we just turn this upside down, you can actually put double the product in half the
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space, for example, you know.
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So, looking for those opportunities, I think that, I I always point that out to managers is
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that how well do you know your employees?
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How happy are they in their lives and in their work together?
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Because if you can make sure that both of those, areas are happy, you're gonna get the
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best product.
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You're gonna get the best employee performing at that optimum level.
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And so it's not just about what happens in the walls of work, and then you leave it and you go
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home anymore.
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It is really about looking at the whole puzzle altogether and not just a few pieces.
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And I see.
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And health and wellness years ago, when I started and it, you know, say 20, 25 years ago,
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it was kind of definite.
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Yes.
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Parked your you parked your family.
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You went to your job.
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You did your job.
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You parked your job, and you went back home.
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And we recognize that, you know, a happy employee And, ultimately, where does the
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employees spend more time?
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They spend more time during the day with with now and the traditional environments doing a
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job.
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So but their family takes up a lot more.
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Life takes up a lot more time.
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So if they can figure out kind of what they value, what what are my top values Right?
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And you you clearly said family was one of them.
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And when people get connected with if I was completely successful today, with what in my
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life, how would my top 3 values be the most, you know, they would be front worth facing and
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they would meet on negotiation.
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But going back to that talk that you said that a lot of people have with themselves is I think
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when the incongruence happens where, they've they've maintained the success.
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There there are the top of the hill of of wherever they wanted to be, and they're looking
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around and thinking, wow, my value, I think I may have skipped a couple of values here on the
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way.
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Uh-huh brought it up with me, and that's where I I see people making a lot of shifts.
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Yes.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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Now with the, you know, you talked a little bit about, your school program and, your corporate
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program.
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So, you know, I I often think and I wonder what you think about this, Kika, that sometimes we
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gain wisdom as we get older.
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Mhmm.
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And I often say we need to take the wisdom of the old, and we need to flip it to the young.
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Yes.
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So with with your with your your your school program, tell me a little bit about, you know,
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how you approach, the concept of, I mean, at the end of the day, it's bullying is being
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nice, trying to be nice, right, if we could kinda kinda weigh the the language.
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What kind of things how do you approach when you go into schools, to kind of assist with,
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situations, which unfortunately, there's too many of them today.
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Yeah.
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Absolutely.
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Well, I think that there's, a couple of key things in my program that are different than
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other traditional programs, and I think there's a need for both.
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But, Excuse me.
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What I look at in our school programs, and what I do when I go in is I help students recognize
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the power of gratitude, 1st and foremost, because when you share gratitude with somebody
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you're validating them to the deepest part of who they are.
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So it's something that, you know, in our social culture, we often don't share.
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So you know, we'll wait until someone leaves the room, and then we tell the rest of the
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people in the room, oh, it's actually great.
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I just love him.
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Isn't he fantastic?
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You know, or sometimes we're deeply grateful for just a word or a sense or something that
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somebody has done in a moment.
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We never tell them, and that person also has no idea that they've ever left that imprint on
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you.
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So, what I do is I help people understand that.
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So I share with students that when you actually go and you share gratitude with somebody, you
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watch their reaction and you see the kind of takeaway that you get from them, It's an energy
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booster.
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It's like a happiness boomerang that comes back to you.
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You know?
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So you can when you have a negative environment of bullying, if you add positivity into it, you
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can change the temperature and the climate of a school environment.
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It also starts with, empathy.
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And part of this, I I take some lessons from, drama and theater, my background in theater.
22:22
I used to be part of a special music theater program in high school.
22:26
And so often, you know, in theater, we talk about really delving into the character, the
22:30
person that you're speaking to.
22:32
When I do with students, as I say to them, you know, how can we look for and really understand
22:37
what other people are going through even if they're not actually saying something to us?
22:40
So, there's a few different exercises that I use, and there's one video, for example, that
22:45
went viral a few years ago.
22:47
There was a student in an art school in Chicago that did this particular experiment around
22:53
beautiful things.
22:55
So she went around to her high school and was taping individual people and videotaping them,
23:00
and then they would say, you know, what is this for?
23:02
She would say, oh, I'm just I'm taping things that I find beautiful.
23:06
And reactions of the people of students was so, 1st of all, so varied and also so telling, you
23:14
know, some of them would just they would be gushing.
23:17
Others would just have a huge smile on their face and be like, oh my gosh, you just made my
23:21
day.
23:23
And then other students at the same time would get angry and be like, shut up, you know, and
23:28
we start to explore why those reactions happen.
23:31
So someone's really happy or someone's really blushing, that comes from a certain mindset or
23:36
a certain perspective.
23:38
The student who might just turn around and say shut up, what might that reaction be coming
23:43
from?
23:44
Where might that pain be?
23:46
So we explore that.
23:47
And for example, you know, we talk about if that person has come back to you and said shut
23:50
up because you said they're beautiful, chances are They've convinced themselves at such a deep
23:56
level that they are not beautiful, then even if somebody tells them that they can't accept it.
24:02
And chances are that they've been so hurt in some ways that not only can they not accept it,
24:07
but they're immediately gonna fight back to say, like, you're just making fun of me and I
24:11
won't put up with it like they're hugely defensive.
24:14
Bullying behavior often comes from a place of hurt.
24:18
You know, when somebody's hurt, They try to pay that hurt forward in order to alleviate what
24:24
they're feeling.
24:25
And that doesn't work.
24:26
It actually never solves the problem.
24:28
But what often happens is I'm hurt.
24:31
I wanna take my hurt and get rid of it.
24:33
I don't know how to do it, so I just try to pass it on to somebody else.
24:36
I pay that forward.
24:38
And then in our systems and our social structure, we start to vilify that person.
24:42
And so then that becomes, you know, you're the bully I'm the victim, and we get very polarized
24:47
in that sort of way.
24:48
If we can start, however, as students, and I think that students are you know, young people
24:54
are incredibly intuitive and am incredibly empathetic, and I think as adults, we don't
24:58
give them enough credit.
25:00
If students from the very beginning in their classrooms can say, Okay.
25:03
We're gonna make a classroom creed where we say that nobody's going to sit alone from our
25:09
classroom, which might mean that if anybody at in the lunch cafeteria is, sitting and you see
25:14
them alone, the culture that you're cultivating and fostering is, we're not gonna let anybody
25:19
sit alone.
25:19
Then we're gonna bring them over.
25:21
Then what you're naturally doing is including people from the very beginning so that the
25:25
people that might typically be isolated or feel like they're really hurt now start to be part
25:30
of the conversation that those isolations don't go so far apart, which is often where bullying
25:34
behavior starts, and gets deeper and more harmful.
25:38
And so when I talk about in the school programming is something I call quiet
25:43
leadership because, you know, we tend in our society to really celebrate extroverts.
25:49
You know, we think that if you're a leader, you're up on stage, you're talking to
25:52
everybody.
25:52
You're the popular girl.
25:54
You're the it girl.
25:54
You know, that sort of thing.
25:56
But leadership can be incredibly powerful even when it's a whisper from one person to another
26:01
person, even if it's a quiet nod from somebody saying I believe in you, you got this.
26:07
That type of leadership is something that I think we need to celebrate much more.
26:10
And so that's what I call quiet leadership.
26:12
So whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, it doesn't matter.
26:15
What we're asking students to do in these workshops is start to recognize that first of
26:20
all, I do have the power to empathize, and I can understand where other people are coming
26:25
from They don't have to come to me to ask me or tell me.
26:28
I can proactively monitor my environment and see what those signs are.
26:32
Number 2, I have the power in myself to make a difference in somebody else's life.
26:39
If you believe that, then when you start to apply it, it can be hugely powerful.
26:44
So to say that, you know, what?
26:45
All I need to do is make somebody feel like they're gonna feel included.
26:50
All I need to do is listen to somebody to make the feel like they've been heard.
26:53
Any of those small little actions can make a big difference.
26:56
And when you use gratitude in the process of doing that, it just adds that or positive
27:01
currency into the mix, and it gives people the experience of somebody, getting something great
27:08
from you.
27:09
You know, and I'll give you an example.
27:10
If you've ever given money to a homeless person or donated or, volunteered at a soup kitchen or
27:17
something like that, Chances are when you left that experience, you left on a high, you know,
27:22
anytime I've gone out and done anything for the community, it doesn't matter the actual thing
27:28
that I did to help somebody.
27:29
I leave feeling really, really great for the rest of the day.
27:32
When you share gratitude, that's what happens.
27:34
You give somebody else They're a deepest validation and you make them happy, but you
27:38
also leave really happy.
27:40
And happiness is something that's contagious, like, in a good way.
27:43
So if you can bring that into the school mix and help students recognize that they are
27:49
leaders in their own right, we are all imperfectly perfect and that we just have to
27:54
recognize that we are enough and we have the power to make a difference in our school.
28:00
As soon as you can help students understand that those light bulb moments that go off are
28:04
so powerful, and it's the kind of thing that then completely can transform a social
28:09
environment because now students don't feel like they have to just go to the authority.
28:13
They just have to report, but they can actually proactively make a positive difference in
28:18
somebody's life.
28:20
How lovely.
28:20
And you're you're by the way, your smile is beautiful.
28:23
I I could just imagine what you would do into a classroom when you go in and you train these,
28:29
students because, you know, a thought that even though we think we de stratify you know, the
28:35
the the teachers from the students, it's still the authority, which I understand there's a
28:39
there's a place for that.
28:41
But even, you know, just listening to you because I work of receipts from my career I've
28:44
worked with students or young people, I should say.
28:47
And and oftentimes the bully, and you can you know, tell me your perspective on this has come
28:54
from the less than than ideal situation at home, where know, so we're talking about
28:59
context.
29:00
You're talking about a positive context, right, which, you know, the ones that they're having
29:05
good homes, they, you know, they get they get cross pollinated.
29:08
They get a good environment in home because it, you know, and then they they come to school and
29:12
they bring that good environment.
29:13
You get children where literally they're hanging on by their fingernails to what you're
29:18
talking about, which is somebody thought I was great today.
29:21
Somebody thought I was worthy enough to give me a smile.
29:24
Somebody was worthy enough to have a conversation with me and say, hey, Roxanne.
29:28
How are you doing?
29:29
Truly, how are you doing today?
29:31
And, you know, what happens?
29:33
And you'll hear the experts say, well, you know, you put the the child back into the
29:37
environment, how are you being helpful?
29:40
But unfortunately, if this is all they have, just if you can make this as, fulfilling and
29:49
gratifying, yeah, or nourishing for them, at least you give them something to have a context
29:54
that think I can still feel good on the outside even though I go home and maybe there's some
30:00
stuff at home that's less than desirable.
30:04
We kind of get a benchmark, which I, you know, I often say that we all have an internal GPS
30:09
that we're all meant to be happy, but as we go a long life, it kind of plucks away at it.
30:15
Yeah.
30:15
And it's absolutely and it's already been in it.
30:18
They're already start to second guess the world and how good the world is and all those things.
30:23
Yes.
30:23
Absolutely.
30:24
And and, you know, for for anybody, you know, different social settings can give you
30:30
different social experiences.
30:31
And if you can't, you know, young people may not be able to control what's happening at home
30:36
or what's happening with the adults in their lives or They might not be able to control a
30:39
certain particular part of their life, but if they can have a positive experience in a
30:43
different part of their life, it gives them a different frame of reference to look at when
30:48
they're evaluating everything overall.
30:49
It doesn't mean that everything all has to look one way on its own, and and I think that's
30:54
important.
30:55
And I think the other thing too is that this power students to recognize just how much of a
31:01
positive impact they can have on somebody.
31:03
And at the end of the day, it doesn't cost anything.
31:05
You know, it's time and intention.
31:07
That's it.
31:08
And so I think that, you know, when people experience the impact of bringing positivity
31:15
into somebody's life, it's it's it's almost intoxicating, but in, again, in a really good
31:20
way, you know, because then it's like you wanna do more of that.
31:23
It's just it gives you such a good feeling that sense of, sense of purpose and being able to
31:30
change somebody's life for the better can be so powerful that it enables you to say, okay.
31:34
I'm gonna do more of this.
31:35
I'm gonna look at this more.
31:37
And at the end of the day, leadership is all about that.
31:39
Right?
31:40
When we hire people into management positions, and leadership positions and corporations, we
31:45
want them to be able to understand the psyche of the team that they're leading and bring them
31:49
to that place with let's get where they're gonna perform at their So at the end of the
31:54
day, if school is supposed to help build our foundation for work at the end of the day, then
31:58
these types of lessons are really going to leave us a a huge impact for how they'll
32:04
perform as they grow up as well.
32:06
And going back to that issue of wisdom, know, if you take the old, I often say, I was I'm
32:10
trying to add you.
32:11
Yeah.
32:11
And, you know, when we would, you know, get on our oldest little couples, my grandparents
32:16
would put my sister and I with my grandma who'd be able to mediate in such a a a warm kind way
32:23
because she was the grandparents in very you know, we would listen and we loved her and she
32:27
was wise.
32:28
Yeah.
32:28
And, you know, you kinda think about where you're talking about leadership.
32:31
Right?
32:31
Like, all your little ones in school.
32:34
Yeah.
32:34
Right?
32:35
They're learning things about how to care for themselves and stay connected.
32:39
So if they can lead themselves when they kinda show up in jobs as middle managers or leaders
32:45
or senior leadership.
32:46
I often say, you know, there's no need to throw Santa at in each other's eyes on the corporate
32:51
table.
32:52
Yeah.
32:53
Literally, there's ways around it.
32:55
And it really it's it's so important, you know, teaching kids day in, day out.
33:00
Kind of what's important, you know, what is it to be kind and gentle?
33:03
What is it to, you know, if you see someone really, really sad, like your friends, like
33:09
your little, like your little friend that, in your TED Talk, with the goldfish, you know,
33:15
that gave you that.
33:16
That meant something so big then you'll you'll remember that today.
33:22
Yes.
33:22
A 100%.
33:24
So to be able to give that experience, I think, is very, very important.
33:28
Yes.
33:28
And the biggest lesson there is I think that people underestimate.
33:32
They just assume people know, and they don't.
33:35
At the end of the day, it's so important that what seems obvious to us in terms of the impact
33:41
that, someone has had on us, it's not necessarily obvious to them.
33:45
And each of us are leaving really powerful positive imprints on other people around us all
33:51
the time, and we're walking away, and we have no idea that we've done that.
33:54
And then we might be hard on ourselves at the end of the day, but the thing is that if we
33:58
actually then proactively go and tell the people around us who've had that impact, Then
34:03
they'll know.
34:05
And it's the ultimate way to thank somebody.
34:08
It's it's I, you know, what's screaming at me when I listen to you, I I think of legacy Like,
34:13
what is it?
34:14
You know, when you talked in Kika talked in her, TED Talk, which it was beautiful.
34:20
I I would suggest you go on and listen to it.
34:23
And she talked to that she wrote her mom a, she wrote a letter, which was basically like a
34:29
living eulogy Yeah.
34:31
And just think of the impact of, you know, what that did for her mother that understood the the
34:37
gifts that she gave her when she was alive versus when if she had passed away, that would
34:43
have been read, which I'm sure a lot of people would would get that of your mom, but for her
34:48
to hear it and to be able to really, really relish in it and be as ecstatic as you talked
34:54
about her being, what a what a gift.
34:57
I love that concept, you know, because you're saying to people, it doesn't have to be a big,
35:04
big thing that they they do for you.
35:07
But even the little kind things, like, you know, if your mother kind of, you know, makes
35:12
your favorite meal when you go over or you know, is, you know, helps you with a child
35:17
that's that's sick.
35:18
All those things are very, very important that you let the people in your life around you be
35:24
an parent.
35:24
It could be a co worker.
35:26
It could be a friend.
35:27
It could be a partner.
35:28
A child.
35:29
I often say to my son, you know, the things that he does for me, I'm always grateful and I
35:33
thank him all the time.
35:34
I will go, oh, thanks, Bob.
35:36
You know, I'm thanking him because I oftentimes kids will think that they should thank their
35:41
parents, but it should be both ways.
35:43
It should be both ways.
35:44
Yes.
35:45
Absolutely.
35:46
Yeah.
35:46
It's it's interesting.
35:47
You know, My after my father passed away, our our temple community was really, so supportive
35:56
and really around us, and they really sort of their arms around our family and took care of
36:00
us in the in a time when we were very feeling very raw.
36:03
And, my mom actually came to our temple priest only recently a few, well, I would say about 6
36:10
months ago, at our temple and said, you know, I've never said this to you.
36:15
But the way that you led our community and took care of us during that, like, really difficult
36:21
time is something that I will never forget.
36:24
And, I know that, you know, we don't always say this, and I, I wanted you to know that it means
36:28
a tremendous amount to me.
36:30
And he was really incredibly touched And, I, I mean, I was very proud of my mom for taking
36:36
that step and doing that.
36:37
And she said, you know, well, I learned it from you, which I had a good laugh.
36:42
But it was it was one of those things where, you know, we, often just assume.
36:47
So here's a priest who does all sorts of things for for their communities.
36:51
He's somebody that we would just expect would know that we're grateful, but when she actually
36:55
uttered those words and said it, if you could see his expression on his face, it was so
36:59
meaningful.
37:00
And I think that's the kind of thing, you know, that we, we just don't wanna take things for
37:04
granted.
37:04
Right?
37:05
And and so the eye idea to be able to thank somebody in the moment to validate them is just
37:10
a powerful thing.
37:11
And you're right.
37:12
It doesn't matter how old, how young or old you are.
37:14
It can be at any age.
37:16
I think that impact is really huge.
37:18
Well, Kayla, like, I, like, I knew this was gonna intuitively be an amazing interview.
37:23
Thank you so much.
37:26
I have learned a lot you know, from just listening to you and just that whole element of
37:32
saying it when you feel it.
37:34
When you have good things and you're receiving, it's small or big just to continue to to share
37:40
that.
37:41
Now I'm sure everybody listening is wanting to get to you in some way.
37:48
So wear wear tell them where they can, get ahold of you or what you where where they can
37:53
kinda check you out on YouTube.
37:55
Sure.
37:56
Yeah.
37:56
So I have a YouTube channel that I just recently launched called the Art of LIFING with
38:00
Kaka.
38:01
So, as you noted at the beginning of the podcast, it's LIFING, l I f e dash ing.
38:07
So if you put in the art of life, with cake, I'll it'll show up k e k a.
38:12
I put out videos every week and That's very much about my own journey and the journey that
38:17
I wanna share with the the audience as we go, but the idea is all about doing life on purpose
38:23
and on your own terms.
38:24
And I cover all kinds of topics from the art of life and at work, the art of life and with
38:29
parenting, and just art of life in general.
38:31
So I would love it if people check that out.
38:33
Shared, subscribed, and and just give me feedback.
38:36
I'm I'm always looking for feedback.
38:37
So, I'd appreciate that a lot.
38:40
Awesome.
38:42
Well, couple things that I've learned and, you know, I always talk about staying connected to
38:47
yourself or being authentic.
38:49
But again, this is just another example of that when you feel it and you experience it, share
38:55
it.
38:56
And, you know, I guess the challenge that I would have for you today based on Kika's Ted
39:02
talk, which I think you should go check out, is is there someone in your life that you could
39:08
write a a living eulogy to and it's, you know, even if it's a small little note with a couple
39:14
of things that they've done for you and, put it in the mail.
39:18
Put it put a stamp on it.
39:20
And just send it to them and then see the reaction that you get back.
39:24
The more we're letting people know what we're experiencing of them, we're giving back to the
39:29
world and then we're just making things a lot nicer, with all the things that we deal with
39:34
day to day.
39:35
So again, thanks again to Kaka for being with us and, for anyone more wanting more
39:40
information on me, I do P notes and workshops and training.
39:45
You can reach me at Roxanne.
39:48
So take care, everyone, and we'll chat again with you next week.
39:52
Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive,
39:58
healthy change.
39:59
Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
40:05
rocksandurhaj.com/blueprint.
40:09
We'll see you next time.
40:11
On authentic living with Roxanne.