Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Our Ayahuasca Trip with Jenny Mollen Biggs & Dan Maurio
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the
- 0:03Speaker 1: Death of Me? A production of I Heart Radio. Good Morning, Brandon,
- 0:07Speaker 1: Good morning. What day is it? And well today, it's
- 0:10Speaker 1: going to be Thursday when people hear this, or it
- 0:12Speaker 1: might be the day after or the day after that.
- 0:14Speaker 1: Well a little inside knowledge. We record this on Monday. Okay, okay,
- 0:19Speaker 1: today's Monday. How is your weekend? I saw you over
- 0:22Speaker 1: the weekend. Actually I saw you a lot over the weekend.
- 0:24Speaker 1: You were at my house a lot Saturday and Sunday.
- 0:25Speaker 1: I was nice. That was nice. Thank you came up.
- 0:28Speaker 1: And I had a little pool party on Saturday for
- 0:30Speaker 1: some friends and their kids, because every once in a
- 0:33Speaker 1: while I like to have kids at my house just
- 0:34Speaker 1: to remind myself that they shouldn't be there. And then
- 0:39Speaker 1: you came and cleaned up Sunday morning, and that was
- 0:41Speaker 1: really nice of you. And I don't know if you noticed,
- 0:43Speaker 1: but I cleaned up the dog shit on Sunday morning.
- 0:45Speaker 1: Actually got pretty good condition when I got there. I
- 0:48Speaker 1: only went because you had a guest day, so I
- 0:50Speaker 1: wanted to make sure that everything was the up and up,
- 0:52Speaker 1: that we made a good impression. There were no drugs
- 0:54Speaker 1: out or anything like that. And there were after kids
- 0:56Speaker 1: being there. I thought for sure there would be yeah,
- 0:58Speaker 1: and there were not. They were not everybody of themselves
- 1:00Speaker 1: that day at the pool, it was like unlike any
- 1:03Speaker 1: other day. Joining us today in studio are Dan Morio
- 1:06Speaker 1: and Jenny Molin, my two friends, my two very dear
- 1:09Speaker 1: friends who came with me to Peru to do ayahuasca
- 1:12Speaker 1: from my Netflix special Chelsea Does Drugs a few years ago.
- 1:16Speaker 1: So we are reuniting in studio to discuss the effects,
- 1:20Speaker 1: the experience and the after effects. So for those of
- 1:24Speaker 1: you who are not familiar with ayahuasca, it is a
- 1:26Speaker 1: plant that is grown in Peru that is used as
- 1:31Speaker 1: a hallucinogenic. I wouldn't would you describe it as a psychedelic.
- 1:35Speaker 1: It is a psychedelic, I believe Dan, I don't know. Okay. Anyway,
- 1:40Speaker 1: that's the information we have on ayahuasca. Brandon, you were
- 1:43Speaker 1: not in my life at this point. No, this is
- 1:45Speaker 1: right before me. Right. But now that I've done ayahuasca,
- 1:48Speaker 1: you probably because when you met me, you didn't drink
- 1:50Speaker 1: or smoke weed. Correct, And now look at you, lean
- 1:53Speaker 1: and hard, right, and how do you feel about your
- 1:55Speaker 1: life since you started imbibing, and you know, I feel good.
- 1:59Speaker 1: I think that everyone should experience something like you. You
- 2:01Speaker 1: actually say in the documentary that you want to know
- 2:04Speaker 1: what everything feels like, like there's nothing you don't want
- 2:07Speaker 1: to try. And I've tried to take more of that on,
- 2:09Speaker 1: even in little things like something that I would have
- 2:10Speaker 1: said no to trying food related before, Like we went
- 2:13Speaker 1: and had oysters, which never interested me, and you're like,
- 2:16Speaker 1: you just have to do it. What's the worst that's
- 2:18Speaker 1: gonna happen. That's kind of what I've taken on. Well,
- 2:20Speaker 1: that's good. And also I think that you have a
- 2:23Speaker 1: lot of people have are under the assumption that if
- 2:25Speaker 1: you are partaking in alcohol or you know, cannabis used, especially,
- 2:29Speaker 1: there's a stereotype that you can't get ship done or
- 2:33Speaker 1: that you're lazy, and that is not true. Either. You
- 2:36Speaker 1: can get things done. I am I'm inherently lazy anyway,
- 2:39Speaker 1: but I still get things done on cannabis. You're the
- 2:41Speaker 1: highest functioning cannabis user I've ever encountered to that. One second,
- 2:45Speaker 1: let me have a drink of this tea. Well, thank you, Brendon,
- 2:49Speaker 1: and I'm glad that you started imbibing because you were
- 2:52Speaker 1: wound very tight, and I would say that you've loosened
- 2:54Speaker 1: up a lot. I think it's really helped, except for
- 2:57Speaker 1: the other day. I did take a two point five
- 2:59Speaker 1: millionary am mint at the house when I was feeling
- 3:02Speaker 1: a little anxious. And then what were you feeling anxious about?
- 3:05Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just early morning. I got there
- 3:06Speaker 1: and I just knew I felt wound high, and I
- 3:09Speaker 1: was like, you know what, just take this, it's two
- 3:10Speaker 1: point five it's just going to take the edge off.
- 3:12Speaker 1: And then I came home three hours later and he
- 3:14Speaker 1: had his shoes off, feed up on the table, had
- 3:17Speaker 1: a bunch of books and snacks around him. Well, not books,
- 3:20Speaker 1: snacks and paperwork, I guess. I was still trying to work, yeah,
- 3:23Speaker 1: but lounging. And so I didn't want to disturb him.
- 3:26Speaker 1: So I went up to my room and hid there
- 3:28Speaker 1: until he was done relaxing. But I had to admittantly
- 3:31Speaker 1: tell you what had happened. Yes, you did tell me
- 3:33Speaker 1: that you were high, and I said, good for you,
- 3:35Speaker 1: Good for you. What a workplace? Okay, So hi guys,
- 3:38Speaker 1: how are you Hi? Hi? Jenny from New York and
- 3:42Speaker 1: Danny from Jenny from the block and Danny from the Valley. Hi,
- 3:46Speaker 1: Hi guys, it's nice to reunite. The three of us
- 3:48Speaker 1: haven't actually been together since we did the Iowa or no,
- 3:52Speaker 1: we did an episode of the Netflix show right after
- 3:54Speaker 1: post ayahuasca. Maybe no, don't think that did. We did
- 3:59Speaker 1: it okay, and we just parted ways and decided that
- 4:01Speaker 1: we were never going to speak again. And then three
- 4:04Speaker 1: of us were never going to be in the same place.
- 4:05Speaker 1: And actually Jenny, actually Jenny has putting me up in
- 4:08Speaker 1: her apartment and not even bother to hang out with
- 4:12Speaker 1: me while that was happening. Was she in the city.
- 4:14Speaker 1: I went to the city and she's like, stay at
- 4:16Speaker 1: my apartment, and then I stayed at her house in Spain. Yeah,
- 4:20Speaker 1: she stayed at my house in Spain, where I also
- 4:22Speaker 1: didn't see her. I think that's how she rolls. I
- 4:23Speaker 1: think she just wants to pass like ships in the night,
- 4:26Speaker 1: so make you think you're still in a friendship but
- 4:28Speaker 1: never actually seeing each other, which is what's happening right
- 4:31Speaker 1: now because you're you're in New York and we're in
- 4:33Speaker 1: l A. She's doing it again. So we're talking about
- 4:37Speaker 1: ayahuasca today, and I think it's a good time to
- 4:40Speaker 1: check in. How many years has it been since our
- 4:43Speaker 1: experience together? Has it been? I think it's been longer
- 4:46Speaker 1: than more, because I been four years. Okay, so it's
- 4:49Speaker 1: been four years and none of us have done it since,
- 4:52Speaker 1: and you guys, I think we all it had an
- 4:54Speaker 1: impact on all three of us. Let's talk about how
- 4:57Speaker 1: long each person's trip was, because line, the first night
- 5:01Speaker 1: was kind of interrupted by by you guys, which I
- 5:05Speaker 1: was happy to have it interrupted. But you guys, would
- 5:09Speaker 1: you say it was like an hour? Two hours? I
- 5:11Speaker 1: feel like when I settled in it took about fifteen
- 5:15Speaker 1: minutes for it to begin, and that the trip itself
- 5:20Speaker 1: was a few minutes only, No, it wasn't a few minutes. Like, well,
- 5:24Speaker 1: you're laying there for much longer than that. I think
- 5:27Speaker 1: you mean lying. I think you mean lying there. Oh,
- 5:30Speaker 1: please lying there for Maybe you're probably lying there for
- 5:37Speaker 1: thirty minutes or laying there And yeah, I think there
- 5:41Speaker 1: was only the story that I told less than five minutes.
- 5:46Speaker 1: Oh that's interesting, I don't. I feel like it lasted
- 5:50Speaker 1: a lifetime, and yet in real time it was probably
- 5:55Speaker 1: I would say an hour and a half two hours.
- 5:59Speaker 1: Now does start to finish? Is that you're drinking the
- 6:02Speaker 1: cup of whatever you drank. So yeah, I feel like
- 6:05Speaker 1: you drinking. You're instantly in it. I mean maybe five
- 6:08Speaker 1: minutes tops. Yeah, and Dan went down before any of us.
- 6:10Speaker 1: You guys, Dan, it was like two minutes. And and
- 6:13Speaker 1: he's so thin that his body just like it took
- 6:15Speaker 1: over it almost. Yeah, it almost discombobulated right there in
- 6:18Speaker 1: front of us. That's what I was scared. That's appropriate.
- 6:21Speaker 1: That word. It makes no sense in that content. Discombbulated. Yes, sorry, sorry,
- 6:25Speaker 1: you're right, I stand corrected. At least I'm not laying
- 6:27Speaker 1: bricks over there while I'm lying down. So as soon
- 6:31Speaker 1: as the trip has done, you feel normal again, completely normal.
- 6:35Speaker 1: I mean you feel enlightened, but you feel completely sober
- 6:38Speaker 1: and you also the great thing is you remember everything,
- 6:41Speaker 1: and we still remember everything that's in years, like you
- 6:44Speaker 1: remember the scenes. And it's not like a drug where
- 6:46Speaker 1: sometimes it's blurry or alcohol, which can you know, make
- 6:50Speaker 1: you not remember this. You remember everything, which is an advantage,
- 6:53Speaker 1: and that's why I think it can be so therapeutic
- 6:56Speaker 1: because you are remembering everything and there's no come down. No,
- 7:00Speaker 1: you're zero come down. It's not like that. So it
- 7:03Speaker 1: almost felt like you're like, I have never been hypnotized.
- 7:06Speaker 1: But you know when you see people and you know
- 7:08Speaker 1: the whoever it is, the magician or the therapists snapped
- 7:13Speaker 1: their fingers and the person is fine. That's what it
- 7:16Speaker 1: felt like. When he said the trip's over, I looked.
- 7:19Speaker 1: I turned to Chelsea was like, I guess it's over.
- 7:21Speaker 1: It wasn't. It didn't take anything. It's a really weird
- 7:24Speaker 1: feature of that drug that you're if mushrooms is like
- 7:29Speaker 1: augmented reality, ayahuasca is like virtual reality and you're in
- 7:34Speaker 1: total control. It's like you're immersed in something it is.
- 7:40Speaker 1: That's so true. Yeah, and there's nothing physiological other than
- 7:45Speaker 1: being sick to your stomach in a forest. There's nothing
- 7:49Speaker 1: like physiologically going on. You can just after you've laid
- 7:54Speaker 1: down and you're meditating. Your focus is a big part
- 7:59Speaker 1: of it. I think you mean after you lay down,
- 8:02Speaker 1: because you're not a chicken, are you? Do you lay eggs?
- 8:09Speaker 1: Why don't you tell us a little bit about your
- 8:11Speaker 1: experience then and how you look at it now. So
- 8:15Speaker 1: when you asked me to do it, I was in
- 8:17Speaker 1: the middle of finishing my book that was sort of
- 8:20Speaker 1: about my journey through motherhood, and I felt like, oh
- 8:23Speaker 1: my god, this is a perfect opportunity to chase the story,
- 8:26Speaker 1: to go on this adventure, to try something that is
- 8:31Speaker 1: a little maybe outside of the box. But I don't know.
- 8:35Speaker 1: I had spoken to my therapist and she's like, I
- 8:37Speaker 1: think it would be good for you. You're struggling with
- 8:40Speaker 1: figuring out who you are as a mother and your
- 8:44Speaker 1: new identity, and maybe ayahuasca is actually a good idea.
- 8:49Speaker 1: So when when I ran that past Jason, at first
- 8:52Speaker 1: he flipped out, but then eventually, like all of my
- 8:56Speaker 1: you know, crazy hair brained ideas, I got him on board.
- 9:00Speaker 1: And yeah, it was scary. That night was terrifying because
- 9:05Speaker 1: of our surroundings were scary also, like we were in
- 9:08Speaker 1: the woods in a lodge, and lodge is a generous
- 9:12Speaker 1: term for where we stayed. It was more like a
- 9:14Speaker 1: hut that served food, and we were and it was
- 9:18Speaker 1: really dark, and you know that there are lots of
- 9:20Speaker 1: critters and snakes in Peru on the Amazon. We were
- 9:24Speaker 1: right off of the Amazon Um, so it was a scary.
- 9:27Speaker 1: And then we had to walk up to that tented
- 9:29Speaker 1: therapy room or journey room or whatever the hell they
- 9:32Speaker 1: called it. What did they call that? I don't remember,
- 9:35Speaker 1: doesn't I don't know. It was some sort of like your, yeah, your,
- 9:39Speaker 1: it was a your with toilets, but you know toilets.
- 9:41Speaker 1: I mean, you guys found the toilets. I didn't, luckily
- 9:43Speaker 1: never had to go there. Oh yeah, I spent quite
- 9:46Speaker 1: a lot of time in the toilet. And what was
- 9:48Speaker 1: your overwhelming feeling? How would you describe it? Well? I
- 9:52Speaker 1: remember when he was passing around the cup, and at
- 9:54Speaker 1: first I was like, oh, dude, you're giving me way
- 9:56Speaker 1: too much. I mean, like this is too I think
- 9:58Speaker 1: I'm going to have two intense of a trip if
- 10:01Speaker 1: I drink this whole cup. But you know, he was
- 10:03Speaker 1: the shaman, was somebody that we couldn't really communicate with,
- 10:08Speaker 1: so I guess I just sort of went with it,
- 10:11Speaker 1: and luckily Dan ended up kind of going into like
- 10:14Speaker 1: a deeper, more like gnarly kind of dark place than
- 10:17Speaker 1: I did. At first, it was like that feeling of
- 10:20Speaker 1: like you're on ecstasy mixed with like maybe you're a
- 10:23Speaker 1: little buzzed, so you feel very dizzy. And then all
- 10:27Speaker 1: of a sudden, I found myself in my childhood home
- 10:30Speaker 1: of the house that I I didn't even know I remembered.
- 10:33Speaker 1: I mean, this was like lifetimes ago, it feels like.
- 10:36Speaker 1: And I started sort of having these experiences that I
- 10:40Speaker 1: guess I had lived before, but just in a different way.
- 10:43Speaker 1: And it almost felt like I was on like a
- 10:47Speaker 1: Spotify account where I could just like click to change
- 10:49Speaker 1: the image or click, you know, click through songs, so
- 10:52Speaker 1: I could like change the image. So if I didn't
- 10:54Speaker 1: love whatever I was feeling, I felt in control enough
- 10:58Speaker 1: to be able to kind of like flip over to
- 11:01Speaker 1: a different vision. And then I saw Sid and at
- 11:05Speaker 1: the time, so it wasn't speaking, so Sid was probably
- 11:09Speaker 1: not a year old or or had just turned a year,
- 11:12Speaker 1: but in my vision, he was speaking to me and
- 11:15Speaker 1: I and I sort of got this piece that I
- 11:18Speaker 1: needed where he looked at me and he's like, you're
- 11:20Speaker 1: already enough, Like you don't have to prove to me
- 11:24Speaker 1: that you are good enough to be my mom. You
- 11:27Speaker 1: already are just by being my mom. You are enough
- 11:30Speaker 1: for me. And that is what like just sent me
- 11:33Speaker 1: into hysterics. Yeah, and that would I couldn't handle it,
- 11:39Speaker 1: I thought. And my dog recently died, so you know,
- 11:42Speaker 1: I going into what I was expecting. Oh my God,
- 11:44Speaker 1: I'm gonna have this like huge traumatic encounter with you know,
- 11:48Speaker 1: the ghost of my dog or you know. But it
- 11:51Speaker 1: was nothing about my dog. It was all about my childhood.
- 11:54Speaker 1: And it really came full circle with with seeing my son.
- 11:57Speaker 1: I wonder if I did it now, if Bert would
- 11:59Speaker 1: come to me in a vision and say, I feel
- 12:02Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, I probably would. But then Jason
- 12:04Speaker 1: came into it, right, Jason wasn't as big of a part. No,
- 12:09Speaker 1: but I did love In your book when you're like,
- 12:12Speaker 1: I think Jenny was terrified because she realized how much
- 12:16Speaker 1: she loved her husband. Well you did, because remember you
- 12:18Speaker 1: came out of it. You're like, I have to call Jason.
- 12:20Speaker 1: Have to call Jason. I'm like, are you going to
- 12:21Speaker 1: tell him everything? You felt? Like? Definitely not No, definitely,
- 12:25Speaker 1: no way, he can never know. It would give him
- 12:27Speaker 1: too much of an upper hand in our marriage. Yeah. No, no,
- 12:29Speaker 1: of course, don't tell him and he doesn't need to know. Yes, exactly.
- 12:35Speaker 1: And then no, I mean it was it was super
- 12:38Speaker 1: I opening, and I felt like I was a different
- 12:40Speaker 1: person afterwards. I mean, I know that sounds ridiculous, but
- 12:43Speaker 1: I did feel as though I had had ten years
- 12:46Speaker 1: of therapy or had just like upped my zul off
- 12:48Speaker 1: to like three d milligrams. I mean I was in
- 12:52Speaker 1: a very good place, and I would say that lasted
- 12:55Speaker 1: for maybe like a good year year and a half,
- 12:59Speaker 1: and then happened and then I just send it into
- 13:01Speaker 1: darkness again. Really no, but but yeah, like I think
- 13:06Speaker 1: that it's a crazy therapeutic experience, and unfortunately, as human beings,
- 13:12Speaker 1: I think it's just hard to hold onto any anything.
- 13:16Speaker 1: So I, you know, maybe I just need to do
- 13:18Speaker 1: it again, is what I'm saying. We've talked about doing
- 13:20Speaker 1: it again. Are you looking into it? Seriously? I would
- 13:23Speaker 1: totally do it again. I just need to make sure
- 13:25Speaker 1: that with my thyroid it's okay. Now I have a
- 13:28Speaker 1: hyper thyroid, so I have to And what about your
- 13:31Speaker 1: antidepressants because a lot of people say you're not supposed
- 13:34Speaker 1: to do it if because you didn't you go off
- 13:36Speaker 1: your you didn't do it. Was off meds for yeah,
- 13:38Speaker 1: for like seven years I was off meds and then
- 13:40Speaker 1: I recently got back on. But I would if we
- 13:44Speaker 1: decided to do this, I would get off. I mean,
- 13:46Speaker 1: I'm on a such a low dose that it's not
- 13:48Speaker 1: like a major deal. I've only been on it for
- 13:50Speaker 1: like a month, so we could also get a bunch
- 13:53Speaker 1: of people do it and do it right here in California,
- 13:55Speaker 1: you know, right, and like you can do that, right,
- 13:57Speaker 1: I mean yeah, because yeah, And I have a ton
- 14:01Speaker 1: of friends that are always interested in doing it, and
- 14:03Speaker 1: I'm interested in doing it now that I've had therapy
- 14:05Speaker 1: and my head's in a different place, Like I now
- 14:08Speaker 1: would like to see what I would get out of it,
- 14:09Speaker 1: because I bet I could go a lot deeper than
- 14:11Speaker 1: I was able to them. Well, it was a compromised atmosphere.
- 14:15Speaker 1: I mean the light wasn't there was too much light,
- 14:18Speaker 1: and there was a camera crew right when there was
- 14:20Speaker 1: too much light from the camera crew, right right, Okay,
- 14:23Speaker 1: I'm just connects, just connecting a little dots. Yeah. I
- 14:27Speaker 1: would be interested in doing it again without it being documented.
- 14:31Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, I would be interested in doing it
- 14:33Speaker 1: again without it being documented, and also in documenting it again.
- 14:37Speaker 1: I like to do this. Yeah, me too, I feel safer.
- 14:41Speaker 1: I do too. I do too, Brandon, would you want
- 14:44Speaker 1: to be chaperone to doing it? From hearing Jenny's after
- 14:47Speaker 1: watching it, No, nothing about it interests me. Okay, Dan,
- 14:50Speaker 1: let's you see it really partly because I just Dan
- 14:54Speaker 1: laying on his map. I just have such this like
- 14:56Speaker 1: image that is resonating of him being so dizzy and
- 14:59Speaker 1: feeling sick and I hate throwing up more than anything.
- 15:02Speaker 1: And him saying I would not wish this on my
- 15:04Speaker 1: worst enemy is not exactly you know, the accolade I'm
- 15:07Speaker 1: looking for when trying a drug, like that's not a
- 15:10Speaker 1: seal of approval for me. And diarrhea like crazy didn't dihea,
- 15:17Speaker 1: It's been a fun right the diarrhea, well, I you know, listen,
- 15:20Speaker 1: I went into that ceremony thinking I'm going to sweat,
- 15:22Speaker 1: probably ship my pants and vomit and probably be thin.
- 15:26Speaker 1: And I remember gaining six or seven pounds on that trip.
- 15:30Speaker 1: Only I can go somewhere where to a sweat lodge,
- 15:33Speaker 1: have diarrhea, vomit, and put on weight. Okay for the record, Chelsea,
- 15:38Speaker 1: at first she walked into this journey, She's like, I'm
- 15:41Speaker 1: not drinking, I'm eating clean, I'm not like all of
- 15:44Speaker 1: the basically the this list that she brought up, things
- 15:46Speaker 1: that she had to adhere or two before doing the drug.
- 15:49Speaker 1: After it didn't work. The first time she goes in,
- 15:52Speaker 1: she's like eating Oreos. She's like, fuck it, We're okay,
- 15:55Speaker 1: give me a vodka. All right, I'm gonna do it again.
- 15:57Speaker 1: So at that point, yeah, I think I had to
- 15:59Speaker 1: gay did the effects of it by drinking the first
- 16:01Speaker 1: night because I was like, oh, this doesn't work, I'll
- 16:03Speaker 1: just have something. I guess I'm gonna have to get
- 16:05Speaker 1: a buzz a different way. Dan, Let's talk about your experiencing,
- 16:10Speaker 1: your initial reaction. What you remember feeling and immediately same
- 16:15Speaker 1: thing that Jenny mentioned with there's a sense of agency
- 16:18Speaker 1: that's bizarre. I had the same thing childhood home. It
- 16:23Speaker 1: was like I was like floating through space and then
- 16:26Speaker 1: spat out into my childhood home backyard, and I remember,
- 16:32Speaker 1: you're aware of everything as you go. Like Jenny was saying,
- 16:35Speaker 1: spotify my list, you have this rich detail. I remember
- 16:41Speaker 1: thinking I could go and oh that's what the back
- 16:44Speaker 1: door of my childhood home was like. I haven't thought
- 16:46Speaker 1: about this in years. And I walked into my child
- 16:49Speaker 1: at home and I was like, oh, there's the trees
- 16:52Speaker 1: to play in avalon um walked into my kitchen. Haven't
- 16:56Speaker 1: thought of this and forever rich detail I'm gonna go to.
- 17:00Speaker 1: I made a decision to go to my childhood bedroom,
- 17:02Speaker 1: walked down the hallway, I saw all my old toys, shelves, everything,
- 17:08Speaker 1: went over, made a decision to go look at where
- 17:11Speaker 1: my old toys were. And then when I turned around,
- 17:15Speaker 1: it was me as a child sitting on the bed.
- 17:19Speaker 1: That was like the price of Admission moment where because
- 17:23Speaker 1: there was this thing of like, oh, this is all
- 17:25Speaker 1: too good to be true. I think I said it.
- 17:27Speaker 1: I think it made the cut where I was like,
- 17:30Speaker 1: what this drug promises, something revelatory, something that will change
- 17:36Speaker 1: you a little bit. I said, it seems too good
- 17:38Speaker 1: to be true. And then in my trip or whatever
- 17:41Speaker 1: you wanna call it, when I turned around and saw
- 17:43Speaker 1: myself sitting on the bed as a child, I was like, Oh,
- 17:49Speaker 1: that's that's something else. That's this has to be deep,
- 17:53Speaker 1: even if I can't unpack it in the moment. And
- 17:55Speaker 1: then there was like a time at it and I
- 17:57Speaker 1: was holding myself, which is amazing, and I was like, oh,
- 18:02Speaker 1: that's definitely loaded. I had this phrase come to my head.
- 18:07Speaker 1: You are your own father, you have to be a
- 18:09Speaker 1: good father. It was something like that, which is a
- 18:13Speaker 1: real kind of like that was the deep sort of
- 18:16Speaker 1: takeaway from the thing. It was sort of a slow burn,
- 18:19Speaker 1: heavy kind of visual and phrase that and were you
- 18:25Speaker 1: able to change channels like Jenny talked about, Yeah, there
- 18:28Speaker 1: was that that sense of I would say, that's one
- 18:30Speaker 1: of the defining characteristics of that drug, is you it's
- 18:35Speaker 1: meditative because you're supposed to follow the shaman's singing or
- 18:42Speaker 1: whatever he's chanting. It was hard to follow that though,
- 18:44Speaker 1: because he was also defecating well while he was chanting,
- 18:47Speaker 1: and he was sitting into our hair and like beating
- 18:50Speaker 1: us over the head with like leaves. I liked that part.
- 18:53Speaker 1: I have to say, I do like getting hit with leaves.
- 18:55Speaker 1: Ostensibly he's he's the leader, but like I didn't respect
- 18:59Speaker 1: him anybody anybody who like smoking. Smoking is a bad idea,
- 19:08Speaker 1: and like I can't like, if you're going to smoke,
- 19:12Speaker 1: you're gonna smoke in a rainforest. That seems like a
- 19:15Speaker 1: ridiculous idea. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and
- 19:18Speaker 1: we'll be right back. As a spectator, having rewatched this
- 19:23Speaker 1: last night, I did not get anything from what you
- 19:26Speaker 1: just said. Dan, like your experience. It seemed horrible because
- 19:29Speaker 1: you're saying when you're sitting there, you just say, like
- 19:32Speaker 1: I'm having like deep dark thoughts, like you seeing yourself
- 19:35Speaker 1: as a child. That seems nice, that seems like maybe
- 19:36Speaker 1: I do want to try this drug. But what we
- 19:39Speaker 1: saw on the edit was not that at all. It
- 19:41Speaker 1: was like, absolutely, under no circumstance would your experience make
- 19:45Speaker 1: someone want to try it? Right? So, did I think
- 19:48Speaker 1: a turn at a certain Well no, I think I mean,
- 19:51Speaker 1: as far as the narrative goes, it had to focus
- 19:53Speaker 1: on Chelsea. So I think I talked about my trip
- 19:56Speaker 1: on camera, but they probably just couldn't fit it in.
- 19:59Speaker 1: She had to be the focus, like it was probably
- 20:01Speaker 1: just funny to like put in you sound resentful. Well,
- 20:05Speaker 1: I finally I could get this story out. The people
- 20:08Speaker 1: want to know that, we want to know. I can't
- 20:10Speaker 1: wait to be able to refer people to this to
- 20:12Speaker 1: get the real as. A follow up documentary coming out
- 20:16Speaker 1: is offshoot documentary called Dan Does Drugs. Well now that
- 20:21Speaker 1: it's been a few years, because I think Chelsea said before, well,
- 20:24Speaker 1: you just said now that you would try it again.
- 20:26Speaker 1: But I think before you said that you're not really interested.
- 20:28Speaker 1: I wasn't because I don't like the vomiting or the
- 20:29Speaker 1: shifting aspect. And luckily I didn't have to go to
- 20:32Speaker 1: the bathroom, and I didn't should be but I did vomit.
- 20:35Speaker 1: But it was in and out, like you guys were
- 20:37Speaker 1: in the bathroom, in and out. I don't know if
- 20:39Speaker 1: you were vomiting. I'll tell you what happened when I
- 20:41Speaker 1: went to the bathroom. Okay, well, let's start with I
- 20:43Speaker 1: think I was the first to get up and go
- 20:45Speaker 1: and overwhelmingly sick to my stomach. I didn't want to
- 20:50Speaker 1: throw up on camera. Went over to this stall in
- 20:55Speaker 1: this hut, and every single inch of the surface us
- 21:00Speaker 1: of this bathroom, toilet, walls, everything was covered with with bugs.
- 21:04Speaker 1: It was yes, it was so and I thought about
- 21:09Speaker 1: like I was like beetles everywhere. I thought about my home.
- 21:19Speaker 1: I thought about my home and like you know, we
- 21:21Speaker 1: were I was just thinking about you. I was like,
- 21:23Speaker 1: I hate you so like why do I Like? There
- 21:25Speaker 1: was a lot of heavy anger directed towards me. I
- 21:28Speaker 1: could feel it. I was like, oh, I better get
- 21:30Speaker 1: out of the way. He's looking straight at me with
- 21:32Speaker 1: like the devil in his eyes because he was looking
- 21:36Speaker 1: at me, and I was a reflection of the devil
- 21:38Speaker 1: to you at that point. And then it passed. It did,
- 21:41Speaker 1: I didn't throw up. I went and laid back down
- 21:44Speaker 1: and and then that's when my trip started, was when
- 21:47Speaker 1: this wave of sickness passed, I could lay down and
- 21:51Speaker 1: start focusing. And that's when I was like I was
- 21:53Speaker 1: floating through space in this trippy kind of way. Yeah,
- 21:58Speaker 1: I think that you know it's different way you do
- 22:00Speaker 1: it right away because it has to sink in. I
- 22:02Speaker 1: like the perspective. I like having so many years to
- 22:04Speaker 1: reflect upon it because it's changed over time. And I
- 22:07Speaker 1: definitely have to say to what you said, Jenny, that
- 22:11Speaker 1: you thought your behavior changed for about a year, like
- 22:13Speaker 1: it changed my relationship with my sister Shanna forever, because
- 22:18Speaker 1: after that, I just like I had a completely different
- 22:21Speaker 1: attitude towards her, and and I haven't, I mean even
- 22:26Speaker 1: now to this day. I mean, we just were in
- 22:27Speaker 1: Martha's vineyard a couple of weeks ago and she was
- 22:30Speaker 1: texting me like she can do, like asking me kind
- 22:32Speaker 1: of the same question over and over and or we
- 22:35Speaker 1: were on the phone or something and I just went, Shanna,
- 22:37Speaker 1: you seriously just stopped. You're annoying me. And she's like, oh, sorry, okay,
- 22:41Speaker 1: and then we hung up, and then I called her back.
- 22:43Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm sorry, you're not annoying me. You can
- 22:45Speaker 1: keep asking me the question, like I have a thing
- 22:47Speaker 1: in my head now to always make sure she feels okay.
- 22:51Speaker 1: And because people who haven't seen the documentary, your visions
- 22:54Speaker 1: were tied closely to san Yeah, my visions were tied closely.
- 22:57Speaker 1: I mean I've spoken ad nauseum about my own ayahuasca experience,
- 23:01Speaker 1: So if you're listening to this podcast and you don't
- 23:02Speaker 1: know about it, it was about my sister and treating
- 23:06Speaker 1: her fairly well. The first night with you guys, I
- 23:09Speaker 1: didn't really get the experience because I guess I was
- 23:13Speaker 1: distracted by both of you and your what was happening
- 23:16Speaker 1: to you, And I felt obviously responsible, look pretty guilty.
- 23:22Speaker 1: I felt pretty bad about what was going down. So
- 23:24Speaker 1: I kind of I felt a couple of tingles starting
- 23:27Speaker 1: to happen in my feet when we were in that
- 23:29Speaker 1: big yard in the first night, and I was like, Okay,
- 23:31Speaker 1: it's happening, It's happening, And then you guys started moaning
- 23:35Speaker 1: and crying and bellowing, and I was like, holy shit,
- 23:38Speaker 1: I gotta get involved here. So that night wasn't the
- 23:41Speaker 1: night for me, but the next night, when I did
- 23:43Speaker 1: it alone with my boyfriend, the shaman who spends his
- 23:47Speaker 1: night shipping his pants in his cavalrici or true religion,
- 23:51Speaker 1: True Religion, they were jeans. The next night was exactly that.
- 23:58Speaker 1: It was the ability to see yourself as a child
- 24:01Speaker 1: outside of yourself. You're watching yourself as a kid, but
- 24:04Speaker 1: you're not, You're not the kid. You're just watching. And
- 24:06Speaker 1: it was all scenes that were true, that had happened
- 24:09Speaker 1: and played out like this kind of Phantasmagoria is the
- 24:13Speaker 1: word I'd like to use, because I think it best
- 24:14Speaker 1: describes it as just like a shuffling of scenes in
- 24:18Speaker 1: front of you. And and it was my sister and
- 24:21Speaker 1: I just laughter, like you know, it was just laughter
- 24:24Speaker 1: on the water and I could hear us. You know,
- 24:26Speaker 1: we would tip each other over in kayaks and we
- 24:28Speaker 1: would end up. I would always pee in my pants
- 24:30Speaker 1: when I was a little girl, and she would always laugh.
- 24:32Speaker 1: You know, my brothers and sisters would always egg me
- 24:34Speaker 1: on to do that. And it was just us running
- 24:36Speaker 1: down the beach holding hands and me pulling her, and
- 24:40Speaker 1: it was just a reminder like, oh, she and I
- 24:41Speaker 1: are sisters. We've been together longer than anyone else in
- 24:46Speaker 1: my life, and we held hands our entire childhood without
- 24:49Speaker 1: even thinking, and why am I sitting in such judgment
- 24:51Speaker 1: of her? Because she wants to live in New Jersey
- 24:54Speaker 1: and she's perfectly content raising kids and being a housewife.
- 24:57Speaker 1: Like I didn't get that and she and that was
- 25:00Speaker 1: like there was a voice saying, she is her you
- 25:03Speaker 1: or you, you're the one who wants the attention. She
- 25:05Speaker 1: doesn't want the attention. There's no reason to judge her.
- 25:08Speaker 1: And that was like, oh. And then the other thing
- 25:12Speaker 1: that happened right at the end, because I remember feeling
- 25:14Speaker 1: that and it was overwhelming and I had tears streaming
- 25:16Speaker 1: down my face because I was like, just felt so
- 25:18Speaker 1: much love for her, Like I was like, oh, be kind,
- 25:20Speaker 1: be gentle. She's not like you, and that's a good thing.
- 25:25Speaker 1: That's not a bad thing. You know, she's a different
- 25:27Speaker 1: person and you have to respect that. And then I
- 25:30Speaker 1: was overcome with you have too many people around you
- 25:33Speaker 1: all the time. It's okay to be alone. It's okay
- 25:36Speaker 1: to spend time alone. And I remember thinking, oh, fuck,
- 25:39Speaker 1: I don't want to deal with that, Like I don't
- 25:41Speaker 1: want to have to start to, you know, take a
- 25:44Speaker 1: real look at myself, which was probably the over you know,
- 25:47Speaker 1: bearing or overall message, the deeper message there, But at
- 25:51Speaker 1: that moment, I was like, no, I just got the
- 25:53Speaker 1: sister message. I'm going to focus on that. I don't
- 25:55Speaker 1: want to deal with spending more time alone or getting
- 25:58Speaker 1: rid of some people in my life or what ever
- 26:00Speaker 1: that meant for me at that time. And I remember thinking, really,
- 26:03Speaker 1: all I wanted to do was go downstairs and have
- 26:05Speaker 1: a drink with the crew and tell them just what happened,
- 26:08Speaker 1: which is exactly the opposite of the voice in my
- 26:11Speaker 1: head telling me to sit there and be alone and
- 26:13Speaker 1: be okay with being alone and without all the activity.
- 26:17Speaker 1: So now I think after the last two years of
- 26:21Speaker 1: all of this, the book and the therapy and all
- 26:23Speaker 1: of the stuff that I've learned from my psychiatrist, and
- 26:25Speaker 1: I think my brain is so much healthier, and I'm
- 26:29Speaker 1: I'm really curious now to see what would happen, and
- 26:32Speaker 1: I would definitely do it again. So how would you
- 26:34Speaker 1: guys go into it differently? Because there's also seen in
- 26:37Speaker 1: the documentary where you're all on the porch and you're
- 26:40Speaker 1: all scared, Like Chelsea says, no, I'm not scared, but
- 26:43Speaker 1: Jenny and Dan you were like speaking admittedly about that
- 26:46Speaker 1: you were nervous to go into it, and the shaman
- 26:49Speaker 1: at one point said, you can't go into this with fear.
- 26:51Speaker 1: And Chelsea you talk a lot about now, like setting
- 26:52Speaker 1: intentions for everything, like your day before, you meditate, whatever
- 26:56Speaker 1: you do. So now, having done the Ayahwaska, knowing kind
- 26:58Speaker 1: of the pain and yes that you're going to go through,
- 27:03Speaker 1: you kind of alleviated that one aspect of it. What
- 27:06Speaker 1: would your intention or thought be now going into it? Well,
- 27:09Speaker 1: I mean that's a good question to ask you to Jenny.
- 27:11Speaker 1: Did you feel like you prepared yourself in the right
- 27:13Speaker 1: way for it? Well, I just remember there were a
- 27:16Speaker 1: lot of like dietary adjustments, and I just I have
- 27:20Speaker 1: starvation anxiety. So I feel like I couldn't do it.
- 27:23Speaker 1: I mean, I know that you guys, you guys are
- 27:25Speaker 1: almost fasted that entire day, and maybe that is why
- 27:28Speaker 1: I was like shooting my brains out for most of
- 27:30Speaker 1: my trip, But I don't know that I could adhere
- 27:34Speaker 1: to There were just so many rigid rules. It was
- 27:37Speaker 1: like don't have sex, don't eat tomatoes. Don't you know
- 27:42Speaker 1: they're just like crazy? Yeah, because I guess it lessens
- 27:46Speaker 1: the impact, But I mean I would say that it
- 27:47Speaker 1: didn't lessen the impact for you actually know, how would
- 27:50Speaker 1: we know? I mean, how would we know what impact
- 27:52Speaker 1: it could? I mean I could have been Dan. I
- 27:54Speaker 1: mean maybe it was a good thing I had something, Yeah, exactly.
- 27:57Speaker 1: I mean they said you shouldn't drink for like three
- 28:00Speaker 1: weeks leading up to it. I think I didn't drink.
- 28:02Speaker 1: I didn't drink the night before like that, right, and
- 28:05Speaker 1: you weren't allowed to have certain foods because it doesn't
- 28:08Speaker 1: work as well. But Dan, when you look back at it,
- 28:10Speaker 1: do you think about it as a positive, Because then
- 28:12Speaker 1: Dan came out of it and said, Hey, I need
- 28:15Speaker 1: to get back to my family. My wife is pregnant.
- 28:17Speaker 1: What the funk am I doing here? So I think
- 28:19Speaker 1: you were really mad at yourself, and you were taking
- 28:21Speaker 1: out your anger on me because I had given you
- 28:25Speaker 1: the opportunity and you took it. Would you do it
- 28:28Speaker 1: differently now? I don't have regrets about going. I it
- 28:33Speaker 1: seemed like a truly adventurous thing to do, to go
- 28:37Speaker 1: to and Dan, your wife was like, if I weren't pregnant,
- 28:40Speaker 1: I'd be fucking all over this. So you have to go, Dan,
- 28:43Speaker 1: so you can't be too mad. Yeah, No, we both went.
- 28:46Speaker 1: I have no regrets about I would do it again.
- 28:48Speaker 1: I mean there was precedent, like we had. This was
- 28:50Speaker 1: Brooke was pregnant with our third kids, so none of
- 28:53Speaker 1: them had come early before. So I think I'd be
- 28:58Speaker 1: more meditative going in this time. I think I would
- 29:01Speaker 1: be just a lot more chill, and it would be
- 29:05Speaker 1: way less anxiety around the whole thing. I mean, that's
- 29:08Speaker 1: a good question where we all are now versus where
- 29:10Speaker 1: we were four years ago. I mean, I know, I
- 29:12Speaker 1: mean like Brook being like seven or eight months pregnant
- 29:16Speaker 1: and Jenny's kid being so small. Said right, it was Sid, Yeah,
- 29:21Speaker 1: said being Sid being so small that was an ideal
- 29:24Speaker 1: that was that was kind of shitty. So I think
- 29:27Speaker 1: we'd be a little more clearheaded, a little more of
- 29:30Speaker 1: a blank slate going in. Yeah, this time, I feel
- 29:33Speaker 1: like I was in a bit of like a postpartum
- 29:35Speaker 1: panic where I was like, I just need to do
- 29:37Speaker 1: something to like, you know, figure out like my place
- 29:41Speaker 1: in all of this, And I was really looking for
- 29:44Speaker 1: answers that now, at least in that department, I feel
- 29:49Speaker 1: that I have now. I think i'd be more freaked
- 29:52Speaker 1: out because I think with turning forty, I started to
- 29:54Speaker 1: now my new thing that I'm obsessed about and freaking
- 29:57Speaker 1: out about is dying. So I think I would have
- 30:01Speaker 1: different I would actually probably just have different fears. I
- 30:05Speaker 1: would kind of go into it a bit more like,
- 30:07Speaker 1: Oh God, is this going to fuck something up in
- 30:09Speaker 1: my body? Am I should? Should I really be doing this?
- 30:15Speaker 1: In that you have fears about you have like fears
- 30:18Speaker 1: about not not not special sense not in like I
- 30:23Speaker 1: was never a hypochondriac, but now I think with turning forty,
- 30:27Speaker 1: and also there's been some stuff that's happened in my
- 30:29Speaker 1: family with my dad and my brother and all this
- 30:31Speaker 1: ship that all of a sudden, I just I don't
- 30:35Speaker 1: feel so impervious. I just feel vulnerable. You know. My
- 30:41Speaker 1: therapist always says to me, She's like, Jenny, You've always
- 30:43Speaker 1: had fear before. It was like that your house was haunted,
- 30:46Speaker 1: that you were going to get kidnapped or molested, or
- 30:48Speaker 1: that you know, all of these things throughout the course
- 30:50Speaker 1: of my life. But now she says, your fears are
- 30:53Speaker 1: very age appropriate your forty and of course now you're
- 30:56Speaker 1: like my hands swollen. I need an m R. I why,
- 30:59Speaker 1: you know, why is this how anyway? So I think
- 31:01Speaker 1: that going into it, I can't. If I'm being completely honest,
- 31:05Speaker 1: I don't know that I wouldn't have fear. I just
- 31:07Speaker 1: think it would be different fears. Also, I think back
- 31:10Speaker 1: to Brandon's question, what would you're setting an attention? I
- 31:13Speaker 1: don't know that any of us did that for Ahuaska
- 31:15Speaker 1: set an intention. I kind of just went in wildly
- 31:18Speaker 1: and said, all right, let's see what happens. And and
- 31:21Speaker 1: now I did that drug that frog toad venom called
- 31:25Speaker 1: five D M e O T, which is like a
- 31:28Speaker 1: near death experience, which I didn't know that going in.
- 31:31Speaker 1: I was like, great. I wish somebody would have told
- 31:32Speaker 1: me that before because it was miserable. But that's another
- 31:35Speaker 1: thing where you like, it's so important to set an intention,
- 31:38Speaker 1: Like what even when you're like kind of casually having
- 31:40Speaker 1: fun with mushrooms or whatever, cannabis not really you don't
- 31:43Speaker 1: have to set an intention to take an edible, but
- 31:47Speaker 1: but you should start trying that that. I know every
- 31:50Speaker 1: believe me, I'd be setting attentions all day long. But
- 31:54Speaker 1: I think it is important to know that to go
- 31:56Speaker 1: in and say, okay, you know, I want to be present.
- 31:58Speaker 1: I want to have a great experience. I want to
- 32:00Speaker 1: learn about you know, if you have a question about
- 32:02Speaker 1: your career or your love life, or your family or
- 32:05Speaker 1: something like that. I think it's so it's a good
- 32:07Speaker 1: reminder to always just be remembered, because it's like every
- 32:09Speaker 1: morning I get up now and I meditate in bed
- 32:11Speaker 1: before I do anything, and I'm just like, okay, today,
- 32:14Speaker 1: no matter what happens, I'm going to stay in this mood.
- 32:18Speaker 1: You know, it doesn't matter what happens, it's not important.
- 32:21Speaker 1: Just be present and be in a calm mood and
- 32:24Speaker 1: nonreactive mood. That for me is like the most important
- 32:27Speaker 1: thing to be nonreactive, because that's you know, I'm born
- 32:31Speaker 1: as a reactor. I've never set intentions before. That's foreign
- 32:35Speaker 1: to me. When you set an attention, doesn't that sort
- 32:37Speaker 1: of like narrow your focus. Well, it's just an overall intention,
- 32:41Speaker 1: Like there could be a narrow intention, or there could
- 32:43Speaker 1: be an overall intention like you know, for me, like
- 32:47Speaker 1: the my whole therapy experience was to calm down, to
- 32:50Speaker 1: not be running around and be on my phone NonStop
- 32:53Speaker 1: and not be present, not looking at people when I'm
- 32:55Speaker 1: talking to them, having five conversations at once, you know,
- 32:58Speaker 1: for so many years on the show, that's how I
- 33:00Speaker 1: managed things. I was just eight, five things were coming
- 33:02Speaker 1: in my you know, and I would just do them
- 33:04Speaker 1: all really kind of half ass instead of intending to
- 33:08Speaker 1: have everything be my main focus. So it's not setting
- 33:11Speaker 1: an attention in like, you know, it's more like today,
- 33:13Speaker 1: don't be a cunt is my intention? Don't be a
- 33:17Speaker 1: fucking cunt? Yeah, I think you know it's overall? Will
- 33:21Speaker 1: you all all have very different personalities between you Dan
- 33:25Speaker 1: and Jenny. Yeah, exactly, very yeah, if they're I mean
- 33:28Speaker 1: different temperaments. So, Jenny, what number are you on the angiogram?
- 33:31Speaker 1: Did we just say? God, I'm a three, I'm like
- 33:33Speaker 1: a fucking tried in true three three? And what are
- 33:36Speaker 1: you do? You know what you are in the aniogram?
- 33:39Speaker 1: All right, we'll have to do that the next time
- 33:40Speaker 1: you come over. That'll keep us busy for at least
- 33:43Speaker 1: two to three hours. Well, since you're a pharmacological intuitive, yes,
- 33:46Speaker 1: and you say no mushrooms for me, because I think
- 33:49Speaker 1: you get this is why I think I think you
- 33:51Speaker 1: get very giddy already on pot. It's a lot to
- 33:53Speaker 1: handle for you, and you get very excitable. And I
- 33:56Speaker 1: and when I've seen you drunk a few times and
- 33:58Speaker 1: you're also get very excited. I did, and I think
- 34:01Speaker 1: that's great, And why why why take it further? So
- 34:04Speaker 1: is there someone you would not recommend? I think anybody
- 34:07Speaker 1: who has a hard time losing control? Okay, Well, like
- 34:11Speaker 1: Jenny says that now she's fearful of things, you know,
- 34:13Speaker 1: more in terms of medical condition, Well that's typical. Though
- 34:17Speaker 1: that's forty turning forty, that's what happens. You'll get over that.
- 34:21Speaker 1: I mean I had that same kind of you know,
- 34:23Speaker 1: you realize that you're in decline. It's so you are
- 34:31Speaker 1: getting older. But I mean it is a cliche that
- 34:34Speaker 1: you know, once you're in your forties you feel more
- 34:36Speaker 1: confident than ever. Because I when I turned forty, I
- 34:39Speaker 1: think I had like a definite crisis than the election.
- 34:43Speaker 1: Put was like that, you know, a hat on a hat.
- 34:46Speaker 1: I and it all kind of swirled together and I
- 34:49Speaker 1: fulminated into like, oh, this is unmanageable. So do you
- 34:53Speaker 1: think for someone who's already a type of personality, this
- 34:56Speaker 1: wouldn't help them or it could you know, hinder them? Know?
- 35:00Speaker 1: I mean I think if no, I think it could
- 35:02Speaker 1: help you, but you you have to know, you have
- 35:04Speaker 1: to trust, like what Alex said Alec Casci and my
- 35:07Speaker 1: friend who came on to talk about kenemine therapy, you
- 35:09Speaker 1: have to trust and respect your brain chemistry. You know
- 35:13Speaker 1: what you're okay with, and people know like they shouldn't
- 35:16Speaker 1: push yourself beyond your boundaries unless you feel like you're
- 35:18Speaker 1: in a very safe environment. And the most important thing
- 35:21Speaker 1: is to do something like this when you feel like
- 35:23Speaker 1: you are in a very safe environment, which we didn't
- 35:28Speaker 1: brandon to your point, I am a bit of a
- 35:31Speaker 1: control freak and I don't love being drunk. I don't
- 35:34Speaker 1: love I mean, he actually does nothing to me, Like
- 35:36Speaker 1: I could go to sleep on it. It doesn't even
- 35:38Speaker 1: affect my body for some reason. But this drug specifically,
- 35:41Speaker 1: you feel like you're in you have so much control.
- 35:45Speaker 1: That was sort of the crazy realization to me was
- 35:47Speaker 1: once I was on it, after I got over that
- 35:50Speaker 1: initial like oh I'm dizzy, it was like, oh, whoa,
- 35:54Speaker 1: I feel completely safe. I am fully alert, aware of
- 35:59Speaker 1: my vironment, like almost hyper aware, so you know. I mean,
- 36:03Speaker 1: I was always a fan of cocaine when I was
- 36:06Speaker 1: in my drug phase, and I felt like you have
- 36:08Speaker 1: that same sort of like I could function on this.
- 36:11Speaker 1: It's like, even though I'm having visions, it's not like
- 36:13Speaker 1: a mushroom where you know, I sit in like a
- 36:16Speaker 1: bathroom mirror and like dig for zits that don't exist.
- 36:18Speaker 1: It's not that. So it's far more like a mental control.
- 36:22Speaker 1: But you're physically out of control, like that dizzy feeling
- 36:25Speaker 1: and you know, not having control of yours. It's almost
- 36:29Speaker 1: like yeah, but yeah, but you know. It was so
- 36:30Speaker 1: weird was when the shaman decided that he was done
- 36:33Speaker 1: with us, because I don't know, maybe we were laughing
- 36:34Speaker 1: and he said that, like our trip was over and
- 36:37Speaker 1: he cut it short by like four hours. I felt
- 36:40Speaker 1: completely fine. I instantly felt fine. I was like, I'm hungry.
- 36:45Speaker 1: I want some of those jungle noodles they make here. Um,
- 36:48Speaker 1: let's go, let's just like go downstairs and have dinner.
- 36:51Speaker 1: Yeah you are. I like that. I like that post
- 36:53Speaker 1: high hungary too. I like that vibe where you're like,
- 36:56Speaker 1: oh yeah, it's you're exhausted from your night. It's especially
- 36:58Speaker 1: when you do mushrooms too, like the end of the night,
- 37:00Speaker 1: you're like, who wants pizza? That's the kind of the
- 37:03Speaker 1: best remember I threw up and then had something like
- 37:06Speaker 1: chicken soup in the forest. Well, you've been eating because
- 37:11Speaker 1: it's necessary for what's going on with you. But I
- 37:14Speaker 1: definitely felt control over directing my thoughts too. But I did,
- 37:18Speaker 1: oh back to the intention I do want to say
- 37:20Speaker 1: I did. When I went in there, I was like,
- 37:22Speaker 1: this is going to be a happy experience. This is
- 37:23Speaker 1: going to be fun. And the second yeah, I was like,
- 37:26Speaker 1: you're gonna this is gonna be happy. Like the whole time,
- 37:29Speaker 1: I was just like, nothing bad is going to happen,
- 37:31Speaker 1: and nothing bad did. So that's also a good thing
- 37:34Speaker 1: to say to yourself. I wonder why you had so
- 37:36Speaker 1: much focus on your sister though, because you have a
- 37:39Speaker 1: bunch of siblings so well. I would think that it
- 37:41Speaker 1: must have been a subconscious understanding of my own to
- 37:44Speaker 1: know that I behaved badly or that I was being
- 37:47Speaker 1: too harsh on her, and it was just kind of
- 37:49Speaker 1: coming to light in that way, so that, I mean,
- 37:51Speaker 1: it had to be in my subconscious somewhere. Well, I
- 37:53Speaker 1: think it's like, you don't judge anything that you don't
- 37:56Speaker 1: recognize in yourself. So I'm wondering, like, what in the
- 37:59Speaker 1: way that she lives. Do you most recognize about yourself?
- 38:04Speaker 1: Great question? You know what hearing you say, because I
- 38:06Speaker 1: didn't know the last part that you started to self
- 38:09Speaker 1: reflect and you didn't like that image. And that's probably
- 38:11Speaker 1: because Shan is very comfortable like not having people around
- 38:14Speaker 1: or just being in her element, and you're not. Like
- 38:17Speaker 1: there was a time where you didn't like being at
- 38:18Speaker 1: the house, especially by yourself. You didn't like being alone.
- 38:21Speaker 1: So you probably see things in Shanna you're now. Sean
- 38:24Speaker 1: is pretty social though, like me, and she's got kids
- 38:26Speaker 1: and she's in a different way. No, I think you're on.
- 38:28Speaker 1: I think you're a Yeah. I think it's something like wishful,
- 38:31Speaker 1: like you about yourself that's so extravagant, and like you're
- 38:34Speaker 1: always trying to fulfill something like you said in the
- 38:36Speaker 1: past about like these extreme activities, like you're always onto
- 38:39Speaker 1: the next thing, and it's just lately that you kind
- 38:41Speaker 1: of rain that in and like I don't have to
- 38:43Speaker 1: do that all the time. No. Well, because I read
- 38:45Speaker 1: that book Essentialism, which Jenny you should read too. I
- 38:47Speaker 1: think I sent it to you Dan right. Essentialism by
- 38:50Speaker 1: Greg McEwen. It's great. It's about just doing less better
- 38:53Speaker 1: and not doing everything poorly about you know, really focusing
- 38:56Speaker 1: on things. I'll drop off a cop But what you're
- 38:58Speaker 1: saying about shshana about out the activity like to create,
- 39:01Speaker 1: you know, the skiing and the you know, like whatever
- 39:05Speaker 1: I like to do kind of like extremist in a way,
- 39:09Speaker 1: like I like to go for it so hard is
- 39:11Speaker 1: And my psychiatrist told me, he's like, those are the
- 39:13Speaker 1: moments where you're present. Of course you love it because
- 39:16Speaker 1: that's the only time in your life you've been present.
- 39:18Speaker 1: When you're skiing down a mountain nine miles an hour,
- 39:19Speaker 1: you have to pay attention, and yeah, he goes, that's
- 39:23Speaker 1: why you feel the most alive. That's why you're so
- 39:25Speaker 1: drawn to those activities. If you can incorporate that into
- 39:28Speaker 1: your real life and be present in your real life
- 39:31Speaker 1: like that, you'll still feel the same thrills and rushes.
- 39:34Speaker 1: But you know, you have to be paying attention all
- 39:36Speaker 1: the time. So it's just another argument for being present
- 39:39Speaker 1: and for reminding myself. Oh, if I'm in the middle
- 39:41Speaker 1: of a conversation and i start thinking about something else,
- 39:44Speaker 1: or if I'm driving and I'm not thinking at all,
- 39:45Speaker 1: it's like, breathe, be present, you know, that's my issue mostly,
- 39:49Speaker 1: and I've really enjoyed learning how to do that because
- 39:54Speaker 1: it's kept. It's you know. Now I can read a
- 39:56Speaker 1: book without checking my phone every chapter. Even I just
- 40:00Speaker 1: read a book, Jenny that we're going to have to
- 40:02Speaker 1: send you. Dan gave me a book called Tampa. I'm
- 40:05Speaker 1: reading it right now. Are you by a lista nutting?
- 40:09Speaker 1: This is a very disturbing subject matter book, but it
- 40:12Speaker 1: is very well written and somehow very darkly funny. So
- 40:19Speaker 1: so you feel I feel really good about this recommendation,
- 40:22Speaker 1: do you? Yeah? I feel like, you know, because sometimes
- 40:25Speaker 1: it could be burdensome to give some of a book
- 40:27Speaker 1: it's like, oh fun you know, I got to read
- 40:28Speaker 1: this now, But clearly it worked. You liked it. I
- 40:31Speaker 1: thought it was funny and it aroused you. I wouldn't
- 40:34Speaker 1: say it aroused me, Dan, No, I would not say
- 40:36Speaker 1: it aroused me. But thank you for throwing that out there. Dan,
- 40:39Speaker 1: tell us a little bit where about where you are
- 40:41Speaker 1: in your life. Because Dan worked with me on my
- 40:42Speaker 1: shows for the last how many years? Eight before this
- 40:47Speaker 1: something like that, And then after we ended Chelsea, you
- 40:51Speaker 1: decided to go to school. I started volunteering at a
- 40:54Speaker 1: Counseling Center and liked it a lot. And now I'm
- 41:00Speaker 1: getting my masters and becoming amazing where and are you getting?
- 41:06Speaker 1: Like are you going to be? What are you going for?
- 41:12Speaker 1: An m f T isn't any Antioch? It is? Yeah,
- 41:15Speaker 1: I went to school. There are you kidding me? No?
- 41:18Speaker 1: I started getting my masters at Antioch. I loved it.
- 41:22Speaker 1: Are you gaffing people? Wait? Wait? Who were your professors?
- 41:26Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'd have to look on my papers.
- 41:28Speaker 1: I don't remember. I just remember the people that were
- 41:31Speaker 1: I was in class. Well, so did you graduate from there? No?
- 41:34Speaker 1: I got a movie and I left. Well, that was
- 41:36Speaker 1: the right thing to do. I had. You know, my
- 41:37Speaker 1: friend just made this movie. My friend just made this movie.
- 41:40Speaker 1: She always puts me in whatever she makes, and she
- 41:44Speaker 1: made this movie called Hustlers. It's coming out this this Friday.
- 41:47Speaker 1: And she wanted to put me in a scene j
- 41:50Speaker 1: Loo and Constance Wu and I couldn't do it because
- 41:54Speaker 1: I had class. The movie is like so huge right now,
- 42:01Speaker 1: and it's tracking so well. And and Dan, you are
- 42:04Speaker 1: such a great actor. Thanks, thank you. And you didn't
- 42:08Speaker 1: you didn't go do it. I'm surprised they would have
- 42:11Speaker 1: let you out. Yeah, it was so folks. I didn't
- 42:14Speaker 1: think it was a good idea. Wait, do you know
- 42:16Speaker 1: one of the teachers there. I'm just gonna do you
- 42:18Speaker 1: have the guy who Terry Terry something? He was one
- 42:21Speaker 1: of the Little Rock Five. I haven't had him yet. No,
- 42:24Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's one of the most incredible classes
- 42:26Speaker 1: I'd ever take. What's the what's the Little Rock Five?
- 42:29Speaker 1: So he was one of the one of the five
- 42:31Speaker 1: students that was bust into Little Rock. He's African American
- 42:36Speaker 1: and he was bust in to go to this all
- 42:38Speaker 1: white school when they were But you're watching, we're studying
- 42:42Speaker 1: it in class, right, we don't know until the very
- 42:45Speaker 1: end that he was one of those kids, Like he
- 42:48Speaker 1: doesn't reveal that. It was one of the most insane
- 42:51Speaker 1: classes I've ever taken. I might go to school at Antioch.
- 42:54Speaker 1: I would love that. Oh my god, I should just
- 42:57Speaker 1: go to that. I love Aunt anyway, because I want
- 42:59Speaker 1: to learn all out all that stuff. I'm so interested.
- 43:01Speaker 1: It's amazing. But classes on Freud everything is so great there.
- 43:05Speaker 1: They really do an amazing job. Well great, everybody seems
- 43:10Speaker 1: like they're growing up. So I guess I just I
- 43:12Speaker 1: guess the next step is discussing where we're going to
- 43:15Speaker 1: do it again and who else we're going to bring in.
- 43:17Speaker 1: Do you think Jason is ready to do it? Jenny? So,
- 43:20Speaker 1: you know, that's an interesting question because you know, he's sober,
- 43:23Speaker 1: and he still feels even though he knows that, you know,
- 43:26Speaker 1: I guess it has been used to treat addiction and whatnot.
- 43:30Speaker 1: I think he still has a little bit of trepidation
- 43:33Speaker 1: with just the whole being a drug thing, right right,
- 43:37Speaker 1: not that this is the kind of drug that's gonna
- 43:39Speaker 1: be like you know what I want to get now
- 43:40Speaker 1: a bag of cocaine and I want to go get
- 43:42Speaker 1: some hookers and go party. I mean, it's definitely not
- 43:45Speaker 1: that drug. But I don't know. Maybe for someone like Jason,
- 43:49Speaker 1: like you know, even like advoc cold and sinus could
- 43:52Speaker 1: be a gateway drug. Who knows. So what kind of
- 43:55Speaker 1: drugs are you using in your life now, Jenny? And
- 43:57Speaker 1: they do you use cannabis at all? You know? I
- 43:59Speaker 1: really lead, don't It makes me too paranoid? Really? And
- 44:03Speaker 1: I ate an edible. Before Jason's birthday last year, I
- 44:07Speaker 1: was in the sunken place. I couldn't get out. It
- 44:10Speaker 1: was like a three day trip well, that's you overdose.
- 44:13Speaker 1: You overdose. I just can't believe with micro dosing it
- 44:15Speaker 1: would be too much because you can get mints now,
- 44:18Speaker 1: like Petra has those two and a half milligram mints
- 44:20Speaker 1: that are just well. Brandon actually just said, you know what,
- 44:23Speaker 1: never mind, I'm waiting for your line to come out.
- 44:28Speaker 1: We're working and fine tuning everything because of the vaping crisis.
- 44:31Speaker 1: So I have to strip every all the chemicals out
- 44:33Speaker 1: of our vapes and make sure that they are still
- 44:35Speaker 1: smokable and effective because I don't want to put anything
- 44:38Speaker 1: out there that is going to cause any damage. And
- 44:41Speaker 1: there are so many chemicals in these things. So that's
- 44:43Speaker 1: what we're working on to Well, I'll be waiting. I'm ready.
- 44:48Speaker 1: It's good to be back together you guys. Jenny. It's
- 44:50Speaker 1: really annoying that you're not here. When are we going
- 44:52Speaker 1: to see you again? I'll be out there at the
- 44:54Speaker 1: beginning of October. Well, can you let me know this?
- 44:56Speaker 1: Oh I'm leaving. I go on tour in October to Australia.
- 45:00Speaker 1: Oh God, are you serious? I feel like you're missing.
- 45:04Speaker 1: So that's the impression I'm getting. Dan. Literally, let me
- 45:08Speaker 1: just tell you. Chelsea was here in town. We were
- 45:10Speaker 1: in front of the theater where she was about to perform.
- 45:13Speaker 1: I get a call from my sister in law who
- 45:15Speaker 1: tells me that they literally pulled the baby's arm out
- 45:19Speaker 1: of his socket. You know, I guess it's called nursemaid's elbow.
- 45:21Speaker 1: So it wasn't the arm of the elbow and we
- 45:24Speaker 1: had to leave. Terrible. His arm was in an electric socket. No,
- 45:29Speaker 1: the no, the socket. The elbow came out of the socket.
- 45:33Speaker 1: Oh my god, that sounds terrible. It's a quick fix, right,
- 45:37Speaker 1: was an elaborate excuse to get out of seeing Chelsea
- 45:40Speaker 1: that night. We really went for it. Well, you guys
- 45:45Speaker 1: went off and became parents, and now you're paying the price.
- 45:48Speaker 1: It's true, It's very true. Well, I love you. I
- 45:51Speaker 1: hope to see you. I hope to thank you. Thank you, Dan,
- 45:55Speaker 1: thank you, Jenny, thank you, Brandon, Thank you guys. Bye bye.
- 46:00Speaker 1: I okay, Well, this sounds like a good time to
- 46:02Speaker 1: take a break. Um, Dan, before we sign off, do
- 46:08Speaker 1: you want to say any parting words or do you
- 46:10Speaker 1: have anything you want to share with our listeners. I
- 46:13Speaker 1: think that the only thing I'm really interested in talking
- 46:15Speaker 1: about these days is the peloton. Oh yeah, that's right.
- 46:19Speaker 1: You've got a real peloton. I'm so so I have
- 46:21Speaker 1: a peloton now too. And everyone won't shut the funk
- 46:24Speaker 1: up about pelotons, which is so annoying. But when you
- 46:28Speaker 1: told me these are two things you made me do,
- 46:31Speaker 1: get a peloton, well, I think I had no tampa.
- 46:35Speaker 1: I read, and also to watch Succession because I had
- 46:39Speaker 1: started it and then I stopped it, and you convinced
- 46:41Speaker 1: me that I had to rewatch it and start again.
- 46:44Speaker 1: And I did start again last night, and you were right,
- 46:47Speaker 1: and everybody's right because the two things everybody keeps talking
- 46:50Speaker 1: about our succession and the peloton. And I want to
- 46:53Speaker 1: say to the people from Peloton, so annoying to hear
- 46:58Speaker 1: so many people talk about a bite and to take
- 47:01Speaker 1: Cody's class and to take Hannah's class. It's just like,
- 47:04Speaker 1: fuck off, fuck off. It's just it's like a cult.
- 47:08Speaker 1: So now I'm resisting it. And I you know, I
- 47:11Speaker 1: don't are you going to flex? What are you doing
- 47:13Speaker 1: with you? I could if you don't know. You listen,
- 47:16Speaker 1: think about the shaman, the shaman and the rainforest. That
- 47:21Speaker 1: guy's like not half the leader. That any of those
- 47:25Speaker 1: Pelton instructors are He's probably not wrong. Have you tried
- 47:29Speaker 1: the Pelton yet, Brandon? As my bell, she may have. Okay,
- 47:34Speaker 1: when I'm vulnerable and like in the middle of an effort,
- 47:37Speaker 1: I ironically am so inspired by these people. Yeah, and
- 47:42Speaker 1: I speaking of Cody, I think I think he's hilarious.
- 47:45Speaker 1: They'll say, get a sip of water, grab a towel,
- 47:47Speaker 1: and get your life together. It sounds pretty gay. He's
- 47:51Speaker 1: obviously gay. Yeah. I do think you should say, though,
- 47:54Speaker 1: that it is a good workout. You've mentioned why did
- 47:56Speaker 1: we Why do I have to say that? Well, because
- 47:58Speaker 1: for people who are interested in the Peltic, so it is.
- 48:01Speaker 1: And yeah, you know you're right, Brandon. I mean I
- 48:03Speaker 1: don't want to assail them. Obviously, people love it and
- 48:05Speaker 1: that's great. I just don't want to hear about it
- 48:07Speaker 1: so many times a day because I resist that. But
- 48:09Speaker 1: that's my own issue. Again, I've tried it several times.
- 48:12Speaker 1: I've tried to take Cody's class. I tried Hannah, and
- 48:15Speaker 1: I tried somebody else and I cannot get past ten.
- 48:18Speaker 1: Matt Wilper's okay, and Dennis is the guy that and Dennis,
- 48:22Speaker 1: so I'm gonna keep going at it. But you know.
- 48:24Speaker 1: I think maybe I'm just going to have to acclimate
- 48:26Speaker 1: and take some slower classes or just do the scenic rides.
- 48:29Speaker 1: The only issue with some of the scenic rides is
- 48:31Speaker 1: that you're riding over things that don't have a bike path.
- 48:34Speaker 1: So they take you over mountain ranges, like you're riding
- 48:37Speaker 1: your bike up a mountain and there's and then you
- 48:39Speaker 1: increase the resistance so that there's no path. There's no path,
- 48:43Speaker 1: there's I mean, I'm just like, you know what, I
- 48:45Speaker 1: can't speak to it. I'm not riding on rocks. It
- 48:47Speaker 1: doesn't make sense. Sometimes I'm riding my bike over water
- 48:50Speaker 1: like there's it's not the right. Anyone who's listening must
- 48:54Speaker 1: know what I'm talking about. And if you don't, please
- 48:56Speaker 1: don't contact me. And if you do, please don't content. Okay,
- 49:01Speaker 1: So I have added some stand up dates. I am
- 49:04Speaker 1: coming to Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Vancouver, Milwaukee, Indianapolis,
- 49:10Speaker 1: Kansas City, Salt Lake City, Oklahoma City, Toronto. We just
- 49:14Speaker 1: added a second show there and we are adding other
- 49:16Speaker 1: second shows if your market is sold out. I'm also
- 49:19Speaker 1: coming to Sydney, Australia on October five. I believe I'm
- 49:25Speaker 1: coming to Brisbane, I'm coming to Melbourne, and then I'm
- 49:29Speaker 1: going to Auckland, New Zealand. You can go to my
- 49:31Speaker 1: accountable page for information on social activism, or you can
- 49:36Speaker 1: go to Emily's List and follow them because I have
- 49:39Speaker 1: partnered with Emily's List to raise awareness for all the
- 49:43Speaker 1: female candidates that they are backing, and they're all progressive women.
- 49:50Speaker 1: So if you're interested in doing that, you can follow
- 49:52Speaker 1: all of those places. And there's also a Facebook group
- 49:56Speaker 1: that I've started called The Orange Room, which is a
- 49:58Speaker 1: private group and you have to, I guess to get
- 50:01Speaker 1: in the group, you have to mention something from the
- 50:04Speaker 1: book that you've read. This is a support group for
- 50:06Speaker 1: anybody dealing with trauma or loss or grief, and it
- 50:12Speaker 1: is really just like a really beautiful space and I've
- 50:14Speaker 1: been really moved. I hop on there and send messages
- 50:18Speaker 1: and respond to people, and everybody else is really supportive
- 50:21Speaker 1: of each other on there as well. And my new
- 50:24Speaker 1: documentary is out tomorrow night on Netflix. It's called Hello Privilege.
- 50:29Speaker 1: It's me Chelsea. Yes. It premiers midnight on Netflix and
- 50:35Speaker 1: you can find me on Instagram or Twitter. Brandon. Everyone
- 50:37Speaker 1: keeps asking me on my d M s on Instagram
- 50:40Speaker 1: about your Instagram. No, we should just get this clear.
- 50:43Speaker 1: I have no social media, I don't care about it,
- 50:46Speaker 1: and we're going to keep it that way. I think
- 50:48Speaker 1: that's the right decision. I didn't make it for him,
- 50:50Speaker 1: just in case you're wondering. My Bell, on the other hand,
- 50:53Speaker 1: has to make her account private. She's got a lot
- 50:56Speaker 1: of fans. Almost two Okay, good Night Life will be
- 51:01Speaker 1: the Death of Me as a production of iHeart Radio.
- 51:03Speaker 1: For more podcasts from i heeart Radio, visit the iHeart
- 51:06Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
- 51:09Speaker 1: favorite shows.