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More Cowbell · A Time to Sharpen

0:06
Is there anything worse than a dull blade?
0:09
Well, yeah, lots of things. I guess, poverty war after
0:13
school specials from the 80s. Seriously though, a dull blade
0:18
is bad. It's unusable.
0:21
In fact it's downright dangerous knives need sharpening.
0:26
From Whetstone Boys Ranch in Mountain View.
0:28
Missouri comes a time to sharpen a Bi weekly podcast that
0:32
examines how we can all be better versions of ourselves
0:36
better teachers. Better counselors better
0:38
parents, better people. You've seen it on a bumper
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sticker. You've probably seen a meme or a
0:51
gif or is it gif? Maybe it's popped up on a slide
0:55
during a sermon on Sunday morning, more cowbell just two
1:01
words but their impact is there is a profound one for the ages
1:08
just in case you've been living under a rock for the last 20
1:10
years. It's from a classic Saturday
1:13
Night Live skit. Starring the great Will Ferrell
1:16
I can't even begin to describe how hilarious it is.
1:19
So if you haven't seen it recently as in within the last
1:22
24 hours, do it now hit pause Google, more.
1:26
Cowbell and watch, what many critics call?
1:28
The funniest skit in the history of SNL, then come back and
1:32
listen to this podcast. What we say about working with
1:36
troubled teens, will make a lot more sense if you do.
1:46
Welcome back to a time to sharpen.
1:48
This is Axel Lima to I'm here with my co-host.
1:52
Brandon Maxwell. Hello.
1:53
Hello. Hello Brandon, it's good that.
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Good to see you again. Yes, you to axle.
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Brandon here for the third one? Yeah, third one actually.
2:02
I think it's going to be the fourth one.
2:04
Oh wait. Is it all right?
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But that's okay. Well, it is what it is.
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Should we say it's over? It's a shit.
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Let's just do the thing. We've done a couple cold starts
2:14
to this already, so we're just going to roll with this.
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Point is that this is a our third or fourth might end up
2:21
being our fifth episode. We don't really know, we're kind
2:24
of doing these and then seeing how it goes and picking the ones
2:29
that we think are going to be most useful to our audience.
2:31
Of counselors teachers, parents rights are audience and from
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what I can tell, so far, looking at some of the analytics on an
2:40
anchor where we got some people listening out there, which is
2:44
exciting. Yeah, I'd love to worry.
2:46
Feedback, if you can share any comments and any of the
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platforms that were on whether it's apple or Spotify Angkor
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Google Play Google podcast. So thanks for listening is what
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I'm trying to say. Yeah, we have probably three or
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four recorded at this point and so it's just kind of I guess the
3:09
Whetstone way and we want to do it right?
3:13
Yeah. Despite maybe what is coming
3:15
through the airwaves? But we want.
3:17
So we're intentional with just which ones are next.
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So sometimes we'll say we're record.
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Well, this is the third one but it actually might be the fourth
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one. Yeah, something like that.
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A lot of filling it. I all DIY.
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Yes. Very tough going on.
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If I owed you I uh yeah. Figure it out.
3:34
Do it yourself. Yeah.
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But like Brandon says that is the that is the Whetstone way.
3:38
That's kind of how this whole thing began was a need.
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We saw a need and we thought well let's see what we can do.
3:47
To help with that need specifically, boys who are just
3:52
struggling families, who don't know how to reach the voice.
3:55
And so on our last episode, we shared some ideas about how to
4:01
use humor least. Last time we talked, whether
4:03
it's in sequence with this podcast, I don't know.
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But we thought we would talk a little bit more about that
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expanding on that concept of using humor and talk about
4:14
another go to piece of entertainment that we use.
4:20
That is very famous. It's known by one word.
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That word is cowbell cowbell. That's two words.
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This one is it? I think it's one word.
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I think it's a compound. It's a compound word.
4:34
I think so. But it could be.
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Okay, there's a cowbell, and then there's a cowbell.
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They're kind of different say. Diego San Diego, agree to
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disagree. So we're gonna tell built like a
4:50
biscuit. If you haven't seen the cowbell
4:51
skit, it's probably probably important that you, that you
4:55
may. Pause this and go look at it.
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If you haven't seen the cowbell skit, I just feel sorry for you.
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Yeah, I mean what have you been doing with your life?
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Yeah. Right.
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It's pretty life-changing. I remember the first time I saw
5:08
it it's one of those like where were you when you saw a cow bell
5:11
for the first time? And we actually played it in
5:15
Chapel the other day because we often use Clips entertainment
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Clips. When we're trying to illustrate
5:21
important Concepts ideas, principles character traits.
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So we have a character trait system here Whetstone and a
5:28
level system that allows us to teach Character traits that are
5:34
important to us. So on level one, it's honesty
5:36
and self-control and level 2 is kindness and loyalty.
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So this month we've been doing kindness, kindness in the verse
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for kindness is from Ephesians 4:32.
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It's be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each
5:51
other just as in Christ, God, forgave you and of course the
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third first thing that popped into my mind.
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Was the cowbell skit. Actually wasn't the first thing
6:00
that popped into my mind but it is a skit that I've been using
6:03
for 10 years to illustrate the principles of kindness and of
6:07
how we can get along with each other.
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The skit itself features Christopher Walken.
6:15
Yeah. A younger Jimmy Fallon.
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Mmm. Chris Kattan ratio sands sands
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and it's a spoof on a VH1 behind the scenes, music video
6:26
featuring Blue, Öyster Cult and the song, Don't Fear the Reaper.
6:30
And if you listen to the song in the background, very closely,
6:34
very faintly you can hear a cowbell.
6:37
Yes. And the point of the skit is to
6:39
say, Like conjecture. What if when they recorded that
6:45
song there wasn't enough cowbell or what was going on in the
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mixing Studio, as they recorded that song and who decided what
6:54
how they're going to fix the whole thing?
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So In the process of that skit. It turns out that the cowbell is
7:01
too much. It's like way too much and
7:04
Christopher Walker's with Christopher Walken's character.
7:07
Who's called Bruce Dickinson comes out.
7:08
The Bruce vegans and Bruce Dickinson.
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He's just like them except the morning.
7:13
He when he puts his pants on, he puts them on one leg at a time,
7:16
but when he does, so he makes go record.
7:19
Gold gold, gold records. And very ironically.
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He tells them after the cowbell has been exaggerated Will
7:27
Ferrell's character that he likely was hearing but he
7:31
actually needed more cowbell which is the exact opposite of
7:35
what you expect, right? Long story short, this fracas
7:40
ensues with event the band. It's one of those moments like
7:44
storage so fever pitch. Yeah.
7:45
It's directly in the in the history of a band and those VH1
7:48
videos you have this artistic differences and people can't get
7:51
along and everything comes to a boil and they just they can't
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they can't figure it out and they Up breaking breaking up the
7:58
band in the videos, but in this mockumentary kind of video they,
8:05
they solve their differences, they realize Jean.
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Why don't you come back and lay down that cowbell with us here
8:12
together? We have the third time that they
8:14
record, whatever they recorded he pushed over the mic and they
8:17
almost got in a fight. And yeah, so it just got to a
8:22
ridiculous State there and microphones and people go find
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Jimmy. And breaks character.
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You know, everyone is everyone actually at one point breaks
8:31
character even yeah. Christopher Walken back in the
8:34
studio. Yeah.
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You can see the Shadows. You can be modeling Smilin Jack
8:38
there. And I don't know how I mean I
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would be. I would be Jimmy Fallon and
8:43
those skits manager just to see Will Ferrell have to play it
8:48
straight know? And like a bare midriff with
8:50
that nasty hairy stomach stuff. Yeah, it's rough though.
8:55
You can't take him serious man. That's rough.
8:58
So what we do with that skin as well, show it, it's about five
9:03
minutes, long will show it and I tell the guys before we watch it
9:06
to pay attention to some examples of kindness or the
9:10
opposite of kindness and and how we can get along or what are the
9:14
things that prevent us from getting long as a group?
9:16
Because we're like a band, a merry Band of Brothers here at
9:21
the ranch guys trying to live in community and and gals mostly
9:26
guys. Like in the skit and we have our
9:30
moments when we don't get along as staff.
9:33
We've had a couple of those. Yeah, we got a few of those
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little girls and the boys. They have them every day, every
9:42
day, every hour of every day there's stuff that blows up
9:46
almost exactly. Like it does in the skit.
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Yeah, we say blow up. It's not like they're throwing
9:51
stuff all over the place but they are a lot of things and
9:55
sometimes there's that but It's kind of just blowing up
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internally and they just can't they kind of break down they
10:02
can't function in school or they got to walk out of school
10:06
because they need to blow off some steam.
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But when you have a house of 10 boys to 12 boys that are dealing
10:15
with stuff man, that's some pretty heavy stuff that that
10:19
number of guys, with the structure that we have here, it
10:22
and pushing them but it's a good thing, right?
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I mean that's Do you often play like this often tell our staff
10:29
and as we trained our staff that you know if we're not pushing
10:34
the guys to allow some of these things that they're struggling
10:39
with to really come out then we're not really doing our job.
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I mean this is the environment. This is what we do is to help
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provide a safe place for them to learn how to work through what
10:52
they're dealing with. And so we're not here to just
10:56
make sure everything is is just a Rosy, painted picture here.
11:00
Yes, we got to keep the kids safe.
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That's our number one goal, but we need to push each of these
11:06
guys in their own way and try to figure out how to mode, what you
11:09
say to them. You got to have more cowbell,
11:12
yes right. You need a louder cowbell in
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their ear so that they can know what direction they need to be
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pushed at. So it's really kind of
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interesting phone calls that I've had with parents over the
11:24
years. When a boy, who is struggling
11:28
And we have to explain that to the parents and we say you know
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here's some good things that happen but it's been pretty
11:33
rough over the last week. It's amazing how many times the
11:37
parents that I'm speaking with are relieved right here that
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we're actually seeing the things that they were seeing at their
11:44
house. They're not like, oh my, oh my
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he's really, I'm sorry. Or that?
11:48
Yeah, that's horrible or are? I'm worried even more.
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They actually worry less when they know so I can now, you
11:53
know, we've been dealing with you.
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I'm thinking else is seeing it. I'm like I could relate.
11:58
Yeah. So, all that to say that those
12:02
blow-ups as we say, and when we say blow-ups, we usually don't
12:05
mean someone just throwing chairs through windows and, and
12:08
causing extreme havoc and Chaos a little bit has happened on
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occasions, we're talking about maybe a burst of profanity or
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maybe some pushing and shoving. Maybe some throwing things or
12:23
punching a wall or yelling that kind of thing.
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Well, I mean door, yeah. So Wee.
12:30
I don't want to say that we like to see that but we don't get too
12:32
upset when we see it because it's a part of what we do.
12:35
Yeah. And we have to deal with those
12:37
behaviors. So what we can do with with
12:39
cowbell skit with SNL, as we can kind of show that everyone can
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laugh at it, and then we can say all right, How do we, how do we
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do this? How do we behave in this manner
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as human beings? If we're having a chapel with
12:53
boys and adults and we're all trying to take ownership of our
12:55
decisions, but specifically, obviously, we're trying to help
12:59
them deal with some of their internal conflicts as boys.
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And one of the first things that I like to mention is the part in
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the skit, when Will Ferrell, just goes right up to delete
13:13
who's an actor that plays the lead singer in Blue Oyster Cult.
13:16
I always forget. His name.
13:17
Oh yeah, it's not like it, but that's the guy that we, I don't
13:22
need it. I can't remember someone out
13:24
there is gonna know, but you know the guy and he just goes
13:27
right up to him. Well, Ferrell's character,
13:28
doesn't he just keeps tapping that drumstick on the cowbell
13:32
like right in his face off beat until the the last straw is
13:37
broken. I think just like pushes over
13:40
the microphone and and everyone just kind of explodes and it's
13:44
that moment that Tipping Point. It's time for being so selfish.
13:47
G the last time I checked, we didn't have a lot of songs, it
13:50
featured the cowbell and he is just, he knows exactly what he
13:56
is doing and he is intentionally pushing things to the point
13:59
where he's going to get a response.
14:02
So why is that that he does that?
14:04
And how is that? Like what we do sometimes when
14:08
we're trying to? Yeah, get on someone's last
14:12
nerve. Right?
14:13
What's going on there? Yeah, well, I think one It is
14:17
control and that's so many things have been out of the boys
14:23
control, right? When you think of sometimes they
14:26
have been transported here. Most of the time our boys are
14:31
brought here by their parents but either way they're things
14:34
are out of their control. Their life is spinning out of
14:36
control. They're away from their friends,
14:39
their parents are sending them to a place in the middle of
14:42
Missouri. They don't have a say, so and
14:45
they are told what time they got to get up.
14:47
They can told where they got to sleep.
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And so, all of these things are out of their control and then
14:53
maybe something that whatever trauma they're dealing with.
14:55
That was not in their control potentially.
14:57
And so this is a way that they can have some type of control.
15:03
And so that's so much of what the boys reactions to or their
15:08
frustrations that manifests himself on gaining control,
15:12
whether it's in a negative or positive way.
15:14
Obviously we see more of the - and so they know how they can
15:20
get a rise out of somebody and control somebody else's
15:23
reactions. And so, I think just in a
15:27
nutshell, that's what it's about.
15:30
And the ironic thing about that is that the control that you
15:33
think you're that, you're exerting on your environment is
15:38
having such a negative impact on other people.
15:40
And they are disliking. You and there Despising you
15:46
really for this thing that you're doing to annoy them but
15:50
in an inverse kind of really strange and convoluted way you
15:55
are feeling like you have control over the way that they
15:59
hate you. So right, if people aren't going
16:02
to like me, at least they're going to not like me for reasons
16:05
that I cannot control, right? So just not going to like me
16:08
because of Doug you're like I am going to like me because of this
16:11
thing that I'm choosing to do. Yeah, it's on.
16:14
It's on my Terms that people won't like me and I know when
16:17
when I first had that explain to me in those terms, it made a big
16:22
difference in how I was the patients that I was able to show
16:26
ya with with those, the students in the school room.
16:28
And with the behaviors that were so ridiculous.
16:32
And an off-the-wall and infuriating.
16:36
Yeah. Right.
16:37
I'll see why, why won't you stop doing this thing?
16:40
And when I realized that that was being done in order to Some
16:45
control and to, to have some security in a world that was so
16:50
filled with insecurity and doubt that made a big difference for
16:53
me. Yeah, it goes pretty deep.
16:56
Actually to the a lot of their wounds and just the Primal
16:59
wounds that are there and survival techniques, you know?
17:03
And that's just it's a think even with adopted kids that they
17:11
may not even really realize that loss early on On, but the body
17:15
doesn't forget. I think, the way God made us is
17:18
that with that nurturing is not there early on from Mom and Dad,
17:22
biological mom and dad, then there's a primal wound there.
17:27
And then we resort to just survival techniques and it's
17:30
like, well, if the people that are supposed to take care of me
17:33
or not, taking care of me, I have to take care of myself and
17:36
the body does different things. Our physiology does different
17:38
things to be in survival mode and so a lot of the stuff we're
17:43
talking about is born. Out of that on various.
17:46
There's different measures to that based on the different.
17:50
Right levels of trauma, but it's all about control.
17:53
And then it also comes back to just the negative, self-talk,
17:58
like I'm worthless. Nobody wants to be around me.
18:00
Everything I do is failing and so I'm a failure and I don't
18:06
trust anybody and I'm going to make sure that that is true.
18:10
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy because any time somebody gets
18:13
close to me, That's uncomfortable for me.
18:16
I don't feel that doesn't feel right because they're not used
18:21
to it. And so I'm going to push you
18:22
away. Yeah.
18:23
In order to make that a reality, that Foster, who is a counselor
18:29
here at West own for seven years, and work the Capstone,
18:33
hmm, which is another, which is a residential facility in Searcy
18:37
Arkansas. Great place.
18:39
Does done a lot of good for many years.
18:40
You know, they have a term that they use their that Matt used
18:44
which is is called a winning formula paradox.
18:48
Winning formula Paradox. It's this thing that works for
18:51
me. That also creates problems for
18:54
me. So I have this thing that drives
18:57
people crazy. I just own that thing and use it
19:02
to drive them crazy on my own terms in turn.
19:05
It makes them angrier at me. And despise me even more, which
19:09
gives me even more power because I can control them even more and
19:13
it just goes round and round and round, and round and round.
19:16
And It's not like the boys are totally unique in that either.
19:20
We all have those areas in our lives that we are blind to that.
19:24
That we resort to in moments of insecurity or doubt that that
19:28
give us that comfort and that do it in a paradoxical Way by
19:33
creating more problems. So and it's not, oh, it's not a
19:38
conscious thing. That's another thing that helped
19:40
me was when I realized they're doing this thing.
19:42
It's giving them a sense of control but they're not
19:44
necessarily doing it. Consciously, the Thing, I think
19:49
the really tricky thing is parents counselors and teachers
19:51
is being able to discern when it is intentional.
19:56
And when it isn't or at least Being able to to make an
20:02
educated guess because the way that you deal with the two
20:05
behaviors are different. If someone's consciously
20:08
behaving in one way and creating this chaos in the house, it's
20:13
dealt with a little differently than someone who's reacting out
20:15
of a survival Instinct. Yeah, really doesn't have a lot
20:18
of control over it. Yeah.
20:21
That might be as they get older more of a learned behavior
20:25
because earlier on maybe they do that subconsciously because they
20:29
don't know it's just Again how the body has reacted but they
20:34
realize that they get what they want in a lot of different ways
20:37
by playing on that. And so that's a learned behavior
20:41
and Habit to manipulate people based on that.
20:45
And so I think as they get older if it's not You know, if you
20:49
don't deal and work through some of that that just gets a deeper
20:53
seeded habit and like a problem. Attention-seeking, behavior is
20:57
another right winning formula Paradox is I'm going to act out
21:00
in this way. So I get attention because I'm
21:03
not getting, I'm not feeling at least, like I'm receiving the
21:06
love, or the nurturing that I need.
21:08
And so when I act in this way, which is negative and really bad
21:13
for the family, bad for me, I get something out of it, which
21:16
is love and attention. And it just But it's not the
21:19
right kind of love and attention and it further distances you,
21:22
yeah, from the people that that you love and that love you.
21:26
So it's really a really a tough situation.
21:29
It's a bind, it's a paradox. Like we said, and there's a lot
21:32
of the families that come to us are caught in this Paradox where
21:36
they can't, they can't move, right?
21:39
Because every move that they make is contradicting the
21:42
progress that they're trying to make so they call Whetstone.
21:45
Yeah. That's one reason why we exist
21:48
is to help. People who were caught in that
21:49
situation? Well, exactly.
21:53
And when that's another thing that parents struggle with, with
21:57
making the decision to send their son here, is dealing with
22:03
the Fallout of You know, a lot of times, the sun will call back
22:09
and say there's so much anger there.
22:11
First of all, it takes a long time to be able to sometimes for
22:14
our boys, to even have a conversation with their parents
22:17
because they're so mad at, they sent them here and it's just
22:20
like, Well if you really loved me, why would you send me away?
22:24
You know, if we need to work on things, Why can't it better to
22:29
work on things face to face? And so, they'll manipulate that,
22:33
they'll know, the things that they need to say, to their
22:36
parents to try to get them to pull them from the program, and
22:40
just try to play on those emotions.
22:41
Especially a lot of Mom's, it's like, it's a tough, tough
22:45
decision, to Grant, somebody like Whetstone.
22:48
Basically, some stranger's guardianship of your son for
22:53
nine to ten months, how do I get closer?
22:55
And then my sending him for ya. And the kids know that the kids
23:00
are like my mom is, I know how to play on those emotions and so
23:04
they'll whether it's through letters or phone calls, they'll
23:10
they'll speak to those those emotions and say, well, yeah, so
23:14
it's it's a tough situation but that's kind of the Paradox.
23:18
There is like there is an order to get help a lot of times you
23:24
need separation and you need Some Breathing Room, you need to
23:29
be able to gain some different perspectives.
23:30
I think a lot of our boys just like anything, you know, more of
23:35
what you have when it's gone, right?
23:37
And so you appreciate more what you have when it's not there.
23:41
So that's a healthy space, that's healthy breathing room.
23:44
And even though parents you know we coach parents on that on just
23:49
kind of pushing through what to expect, you know, in the first
23:52
month or two, what conversations, you're a lot of
23:55
times your son's going to Have to try to get you to pull him
23:59
from the program manipulate situations those types of
24:03
things. Yeah.
24:05
So let's bring this back around to kindness because it's kind of
24:09
where we started. And I wanted to bring up another
24:13
part of the of the cowbell skit which helps us to demonstrate
24:17
kindness. Remember the verse I'm gonna
24:21
repeat it one more time. Memorization is important thing
24:25
that we do around here to kind of get it in to the head and
24:28
into the heart be kind and compassionate to one another
24:32
forgiving each other just as in Christ.
24:34
God forgave you. There's a lot of Grace that we
24:38
have to extend towards each other.
24:39
If we're living in community, we're living in tight quarters
24:43
and the skit is super tight quarters, right?
24:47
All the instruments are crammed together.
24:49
This is Studio space. There's pressure because jeana's
24:52
really Lauren the space is yeah. What?
24:56
Limited space there is and there's their time constraints
25:00
probably that they had to rent the space for the studio.
25:02
It's not cheap. They haven't had a whole lot of
25:05
form gold record. Him--no.
25:07
There was like they're up against the time, right?
25:10
In fact of the intro to the skit is like they, you know, they're
25:13
moving. After is 41 degrees of
25:15
Staggering to a series of stacked blister Court, made some
25:19
stupid one last time to see if they can, they can pull it
25:22
together. And what ends up happening is at
25:27
the very end, they realize that the cowbell regardless of how
25:31
small and minor and insignificant it is, is an
25:34
important piece of that song and what we try to pull out of that
25:39
in terms of making illustrating a point to the boys and Chapel
25:43
is that that we all have gifts and we all have talents, and
25:47
some of them are noticeable and some of them aren't and the
25:49
Bible says, as much when it talks about spiritual gifts and
25:53
And compares the body of talks about the body of Christ and the
25:57
Hand can't can't say to the right hand.
25:59
Can't say the left. I don't need you or the head,
26:01
can't say to the the finger, I don't need you.
26:05
I'm not very phrasing that, right?
26:06
But the point is that all of these parts of the body are
26:10
important and with teenagers. It's, we talked about, we talked
26:17
about elf on a previous episode and I'm reminded of the line
26:20
enough when when they're talking about how he has, As gifts, you
26:24
know you have special gifts buddy.
26:26
Yeah you know and we all have difficulties like it seems like
26:29
everyone around here has the same gifts, they're trying to
26:32
come up with things that he's good at, putting the star on the
26:35
tart, on the top of the tree right now, you bring up, you
26:38
bring this up, but you bring us down a whole octave in a good
26:40
way, right? So there are these ways that we
26:44
artificially will try to encourage people by giving them
26:47
false praise. I'm not, I'm not talking about
26:49
that. I'm talking about things that
26:51
aren't important. Really noticeable that over
26:54
time, become apparent about someone and become objects of
26:58
affection, and sometimes they're even there even false of ours
27:02
that, that would things we don't like about ourselves or the
27:05
things that other people find most interesting and
27:09
fascinating, and endearing. And that's a horrible thing to
27:12
realize that times I've had to realize that about myself, over
27:15
time and, and realize it's, you know, some of, that's just the
27:18
way I'm wired and I don't like it, but it's, it's okay and
27:22
other people. Don't hate it.
27:24
In fact, they kind of like it sometimes even though I wish it
27:27
weren't there. So that that little thing that
27:32
cowbell ends up being a big thing.
27:35
As another phrase that I've used many times over the course of my
27:38
career as a teacher, is that the little things are the big
27:41
things? Yeah.
27:42
Well, that's another verse that we talked about your faithful
27:48
with little things, right? You'll be faithful with much.
27:51
Yeah, and so yeah, that's we talked about a little bit in the
28:00
I think it was the nacho podcast of just how the timelessness of
28:08
some of the humor but also how the structure of what we do here
28:13
with the monthly. The monthly traits and how we
28:19
speak to character and use media forms, but it's all done in a
28:26
very structured manner, like we mentioned.
28:28
And so, just thinking about parents at home and being able
28:34
to try to set up the environment at home structure, is such a
28:39
good thing and even though the boys will, Buck that a lot of
28:44
times, we have a lot of guys that want to stay here because
28:47
they know that that is that they know what to expect day in and
28:52
day out. And so I, the reason I say that
28:57
is there's a I've listened to some other by business and
29:03
Leadership podcast, but to be unclear is to be unkind is the
29:10
phrase. And so they talked about it in
29:12
the realm of Communicate to your folks.
29:15
You have to be clear in your communication and your
29:18
expectations. And so it's kind of the same and
29:23
the same format of like we try to be clear to our boys with
29:28
what's expected of them. And just because they are
29:32
struggling and they are dealing with some different things.
29:36
Doesn't mean we don't hold them to a higher standard because a
29:38
lot of times we they're held to a lower Standard because they're
29:44
just all they're just teenagers, you know, they're going to do
29:46
that. Well, yeah, there is some of
29:48
that but we don't we believe they're capable of a lot more,
29:52
you know, Kurt Hahn says there, he's the founder of Outward
29:57
Bound. He always had a famous quote of,
30:00
there's, there's more in you than, you know.
30:04
And so, to be able to try to pull that out of boys, you know,
30:07
this structure and Deals, a lot with that.
30:12
And it's unkind Them if we're not really clear with what we
30:16
expect them to do here. So you're talking about like the
30:19
level system that we have here and the character traits and the
30:22
movie choices and the chapel time and and how that all
30:25
factors into the kindnesses that were showing the boys in terms
30:31
of, we have a program that we're working through and and don't
30:38
hear from this, if you're a parent that you have to somehow
30:41
transport Whetstone in, To your home and write and come up with
30:45
a bunch of rules and systems and procedures we can do that
30:47
because that's that's our job and that's our profession and
30:51
that's what were we've been thinking about for years and
30:54
years is how to design this program and home doesn't doesn't
30:57
need to be that way. In fact it could be very
31:00
controversial counterproductive if it were that way but they're
31:03
do have to be. It does have to be clear,
31:06
boundaries expectations, you know because when those
31:09
expectations are unmet there's disappointment as regret And
31:14
that that plants seeds for a lot of bitterness.
31:17
And yeah, it's like that's a great point that you're not
31:21
going to get the level of structure that we have here
31:25
because of just the amount of people and what we do here.
31:29
But the point is there's a lot. There's different elements of
31:33
setting up the structure in your home to wear.
31:36
Your son knows what to expect. There's a lot of times where the
31:41
boys they don't feel their purity in that.
31:44
And I think that's where boys struggle is because they feel
31:48
insecure at home. A lot of times boys are bouncing
31:51
between home. There's like two weeks with mom,
31:53
two weeks with Dad. Dad has one set of rules mom and
31:57
stepdad have another set of rules.
31:59
Or maybe there's just living with a single mom or I mean that
32:03
it's a host of situations, but maybe both parents are working
32:07
and in the summertime, the kids free to just go and play video
32:11
games and hang out and has all this down.
32:13
I'm like that's not structure. You have to have.
32:17
Yeah you want free time and fun and all those things.
32:19
But you got to have some work and eating healthy and there's
32:24
there's ways that you can set up the structure at home to where
32:26
the boy knows what is expected. And that's a very healthy thing
32:31
and even though the boys won't always admit it, that is
32:34
something that is very needed. Yeah, if we kind of can work it
32:38
back around to cowbell to like, that's some of the reason why
32:42
the conflict becomes I'm so so extreme in the skit is you have
32:47
different you have competing expectations about how much
32:51
cowbell is necessary. Will Ferrell obviously thinks
32:55
that it should be prominent as does Bruce Dickinson rest of the
32:59
members of the band. Don't really see it.
33:02
That way, they try to kind of come to some agreement
33:06
eventually, you know, it gets out of hand and so you know, how
33:11
do we deal with those combo? Because those things are To
33:14
going to come about, they're going to be those eruptions.
33:17
There's going to be stuff that's unspoken that comes out, and
33:20
it's totally unexpected comes out of nowhere.
33:23
But when it does, how do we, how do we work through it?
33:26
And maybe we can kind of bring this kind of to a conclusion as
33:30
we come to the conclusion, the skit, which is that the final
33:33
resolution that they have is What I mean, what would you say?
33:39
I mean, how could we extrapolate from the skit?
33:43
Like, how we eventually solve problems?
33:47
Yeah, with the one thing that came to my mind, is that The
33:56
last scene with Bruce Dickinson? Well, of course, Will Ferrell's
34:00
like the last time we had a hit song?
34:05
Well, I don't remember us having any kind of hit song that
34:08
featured the CAO Bois and if Bruce Dickinson, all of that,
34:12
you know Hall of Fame, producer, who's made all of these.
34:15
You know, he's got this resume once cock cowbell the Cock of
34:19
the Walk baby, then we should give him some more cowbell,
34:22
right? So the one thing with that is
34:25
there is Is an element of listening to some wisdom out
34:31
there, listening to somebody who's been there and done that,
34:35
right? So that's part of the boys mixed
34:39
is, you know, we say that we could have the best program out
34:42
there, and, but if the boy is not going to make any decision
34:46
to move and be motivated to do the work himself and to listen
34:51
to some of the wisdom that staff has given them because of where
34:55
we've been Ben and in some of the history that we have, then
34:59
they're not going to make any progress.
35:02
So I think it's going back to your question.
35:05
There is an element of all of them being a little bit more
35:09
humble working together as a team and then listening to the
35:14
Bruce Dickinson, who is going to make them wear gold plated
35:18
diapers when they're done. But is that what does that mean?
35:22
So that's you know I think that relates to what Do here, when
35:26
boys really start to lighten up a little bit and know that we
35:32
have their best interest in mind, which comes through
35:34
relationship in time, they feel safe here, there's an
35:38
environment where they can deal and have some outburst and work
35:42
through that and then they can start listening to a little bit
35:45
more of the wisdom. Again, the Frozen words that
35:47
we've talked about and be able to work through?
35:52
Yeah, I think that listening that opponent is really
35:54
important as you as you were. Oh thinking about that.
35:57
I was thinking about how important it was that the June
36:01
spoke up. Yeah because in the middle of
36:04
the skit he's just he clams up. He's like that's fine whatever
36:07
let's just do the thing, got it back a little if you like but
36:10
you know but at the end he really kind of comes out with
36:14
everything these feeling and it gives us an impassioned, plea
36:16
for the cowbell and how much it means to him.
36:20
And Some of our boys have never done that.
36:24
They've never had the opportunity to really unload
36:27
everything that they've been feeling or how they feel,
36:30
they've been treated and there's a there's a clearing of the air
36:35
that happens and an openness and a an intimacy that comes from
36:40
sharing, how you truly feel and from feeling that that you have
36:44
been heard and seen and in that moment in the skit, it's obvious
36:49
that that he that he feels that As he starts to walk away and
36:54
they welcomed him back. Gene.
36:56
Gene. Wait, why don't you come back
37:01
and lay that cowbell with us and that Horatio Sanz just kind of
37:04
tops it off. You know, he says he speaks for
37:06
all of us you speak for all speaks for all of us.
37:09
Yeah, and so it's this beautiful moment of reconciliation and of
37:15
coming back together and obviously they record Don't Fear
37:19
the Reaper, which ironically is a really Depressing song, if you
37:23
look at the lyrics but they they, they overcome the odds and
37:29
they overcome the differences, then ultimately, that's what we
37:32
want with our boys, and their families and we want them to
37:36
make hit records, and you can't hear that song anymore.
37:42
After watching that skit that you don't hear the cowbell just
37:45
a little bit more. It's there, because it's there
37:48
it's it's it's banging your head even louder.
37:53
Well, if you, if you haven't seen that that's kit today.
38:00
Go watch it. If you've seen it already once
38:02
today, you're off the hook. But in no, that's yesterday.
38:06
If it's been a whole 24 hours since you've seen the skit, then
38:10
they go watch it. Yes.
38:11
And see if see what you think about.
38:14
We had to say you know and leave a few comments maybe you see
38:17
something else in the skit that we could pull out the next time
38:20
that we show it right? And Chapel And we can, we can
38:23
share that with the boys because we're all about spreading some
38:27
wisdom, and it never gets old. Never have been doing it for 10
38:31
years and we probably do it for 10 more and we'll still be
38:37
getting someone's. Amen.
38:40
Well thanks for listening. This has been a time to sharpen.
38:44
I'm Axel Lima, te I'm Brandon Maxwell and we'll catch you next
38:48
time. Take care.
38:49
Bye. What's the Boys Ranch is a
38:59
therapeutic boarding school located in the scenic Ozarks of
39:03
southern Missouri. It was found in 2011 to serve
39:06
families from around the country who are struggling with
39:09
challenging behaviors from their 12.
39:10
To 16 year old Sons. Our mission is to sharpen the
39:14
character of young men Allowing God to work.
39:16
Through us as iron sharpens iron.
39:19
Please contact us at Whetstone, Boys, Ranch.com If you or
39:22
anyone, you know, has run out of options for their son, thanks
39:26
for listening to a time, to sharpen, and we'll see you next
39:28
time.