Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Spring Series: What You Need to Know About the Enneagram Three! | Dr Jera Nelson Cunningham

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Spring Series: What You Need to Know About the Enneagram Three! | Dr Jera Nelson Cunningham · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Have you found yourself saying things like, I hope I'll make a good impression?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_02: What a waste of time.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_02: Why is that everyone has more success than I do?
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: I bet I could do that.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_02: If these are something you would say, or they're familiar phrases that you've heard before, you might be an Enneagram 3 or no an Enneagram 3.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: If so, I want to invite you on a journey of self-discovery and compassion to learn insights about the personality type that is known as the Achiever, Go Getter, Efficiency Boss, and Success Advocate.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: If you know a 3 or want others to know more about the 3 personality type, go ahead and follow that prompting to share this podcast with them.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: You can use the share feature on this podcast platform to give others an opportunity to learn more about the positive impact of the Enneagram 3.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: Hello and welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, your wholehearted living coach.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm so glad that you stopped by to spend some time with me.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: Are you curious about the Enneagram?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want to learn biblical truths?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: And have you wondered if there are life rhythms that will help you thrive?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: Well, friend, then you are in the right place.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: For six years, this podcast has focused on sharing conversations with my friends about life, business, motherhood, faith, and all things Enneagram from a Christian perspective.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: I truly understand what it's like to juggle everything as a wife, mom to three teenagers, a pup, and all while building a growing business.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: And friend, I haven't always done things with clarity, peace, or joy.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: But still, the Lord has taken my broken-hearted pieces and healed them so I can live with whole-hearted rhythms to provide women like you with a step-by-step process so you can get free of anxiety, shame, and frustrations that might be holding you back from thriving.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: I pray that the Lord speaks to you as you listen today and that you would invite your friends and family to join the fun conversations.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: Are you ready to laugh a little and learn a whole lot?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: Alrighty, let's get to the conversation.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: What do you need to know about an Enneagram 3?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: Well, friend, we would need way more time than you want to give in one sitting because the nuances of each Enneagram type are as varied as their options of ice cream in your neighborhood supermarket.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: Though that sounds really yummy right now, I can promise that this episode will offer some highlights to help you understand more about the perspective of a three.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: As we jump in, there is so much I won't be able to cover, so just know I've got you covered with lots of different specific Enneagram 3 resources or just general Enneagram information in the show notes.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_02: In this episode, I'm going to share different tidbits about this assertive personality.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: And then you're going to get a firsthand account from an Enneagram 3 and her experience of the wholehearted self-discovery process.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: And then if you listen all the way to the end, the insightful Deanna Pseudom is going to finish this episode with a scripture and prayer specifically for you or your loved one.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: What does an Enneagram 3 typically look like as a child?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: Well, they like to be capable, and typically are.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: They enjoy being admired and liked by peers and adults alike.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: They are hard workers and look to try to be the best in most aspects of life.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: They may even forget to play and just enjoy their youth.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: Not because they're naturally very responsible, but because they're so high achieving, they have a drive to succeed and win in all the things.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: Many Enneagram 3s as children felt the only way they can learn love from others was by qualifying their worth through actions that garnered admiration or praise, specifically from their caregivers.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: This hunger for love would drive them to perform well, to get the recognition that reinforced their focus of attention on achieving or winning.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_02: Praise could potentially be the easiest way to acquire a sense of love and acceptance.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: And over time, any real love could be confused with the attention received by being successful at any level.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: Threes are motivated by the desire to be productive, achieve success, and avoid failure.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: They often measure themselves by external achievements or external matrix.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: As a three continues to mature, their fear of failing or falling short of their goals and ideals of success, incompetency and inefficiency, drives them to do more and be less.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: They truly fear not being successful and perhaps even being exposed as a fraud.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: That whole imposter syndrome, yep, that's a big deal.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, they may struggle with comparison.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: Now the three's decision-making strength associates them with what is known as the hard triad, and that is the types two, three, and four.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: They feel information first and then they incorporate reaction or thinking secondarily.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: And another commonality of the hard triad is their desire for significance.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: A type in this triad will be led by their reaction to their emotional struggle, which is shame.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: While the three does struggle with shame, this is temporarily alleviated by doing and accomplishing for praise and accolades from others.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_02: In an effort to avoid feelings of shame, the three may focus on tasks so they can feel as if they are a successful person, or at least create an image of success.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: But eventually when accomplishments fail and their efforts are maxed, their thoughts that images everything eventually catches up with them.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: And because of their fear of being exposed as a fraud or failure, a three might become deceptive, causing them to stay stuck in shame.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: The three's communication preference falls within the assertive stance in the Enneagram.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: And being future-oriented by nature, they tend to focus on what must be accomplished next, which this can lead to never feeling satisfied with their goals or to even celebrate how they are currently thriving.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: Their tendency towards productivity causes them to not be fully present with their loved ones.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: When it comes to the feeling center, you may be surprised to learn that the three is feeling repressed.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, a three is not going to believe they're feeling repressed because they do take in information with their feelings.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_02: But here's the key.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_02: The three doesn't use feelings to process their personal information.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: They usually hide from their personal feeling and turn it into something else or reframe it, ignoring it, pushing it away, or because what triggers them is feelings of inadequacy, they're going to avoid the feeling of failure at all costs.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: Plus, typically a three doesn't want to slow down enough to determine why they feel the way they do, or to do anything to actually change the outcome that they're currently experiencing.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: This is why the three must be cognizant of their tendency to believe if it's not 100% successful or a total win, then it's a failure or too slim of a margin to celebrate.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: The invitation is to be willing to live in the well done and good enough space, even if they or the outcome isn't completely 100% of their original goal, or they just simply didn't knock it out of the park.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: When faced with loss and grief, the three may naturally grieve what will happen in the future.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: So in the face of loss, they may have already grieved this moment and they're ready to move on to the next thing.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: And that feeling repression issue may very much add to their desire to keep busy instead of paying attention to their sadness and loss.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like all Enneagram types, the three wings are on either side of its number on the diagram.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_02: Just like an insect, right?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_02: Wings on either side.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: The Enneagram 3 wing 2 tends to be warm, encouraging, sociable, popular, and they may enjoy being the center of attention.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_02: The Enneagram 3-wing 4 tends to be more focused on work, on success, and might be slightly pretentious.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_02: They are sensitive, artistic, and are more introspective compared to the 3-wing 2.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: When a three's triggers are activated, they may self-sabotage and engage to the low side of the 9, becoming disengaged and apathetic.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_02: They may neglect themselves and possibly numb out by watching TV, playing video games, shopping, eating, etc.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: Basically avoiding those feelings again, and just not feeling motivated to achieve anything.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: But when a three practices rhythms of engaging in solitude, this practice teaches them to be present to themselves, God, and others.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: And this opens the door to encounter Jesus, the true achiever.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: Their broken-hearted moments are transformed into wholehearted healing as they declare these truth statements.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: May I acknowledge my worth even in solitude.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_02: May I celebrate my God-given value.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: And may I find freedom in a loved that is not earned or deserved.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: I would love to invite the threes to rest from the thoughts of what others think about you.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: You can let yourself discover that you are worthy by the one who values you before you do a thing.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: And when a three engages in solitude, they can access a part of their often repressed feelings.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: Being alone in the moment invites them to glean their worth from God alone instead of those around you.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: I love that A.J.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: Sherrill advises the Enneagram Three to observe the church calendar rhythm of Lent, specifically Ash Wednesday, which is a sobering day to remind us of our mortality.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_02: Liturgical observances invite participants to remember that our pursuits and achievements are but a breath, or as the prophet Isaiah reminds us in the 40th chapter, the grass rithers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God endures forever.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_02: This reminder can help a three transform any pursuits that are expressly to gain the approval of man instead of God.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: In addition to spiritual rhythms, here are some practical tips for a three to remember.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: Spend time or give specific attention to get to know yourself.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: Practice meaningful pursuits outside of work or your admired accomplishments.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: Just do things in life for the pleasure of them, for the heck of them, because you want to.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: And it's fun, maybe.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: Learn to examine your weakness without immediately leaping into action to reframe, cover, or to master them.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: Remember, authenticity can begin with you.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_02: Now, would you like to meet an Enneagram 3?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: I would love to introduce you to one of my clients, Dr.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_02: Jera Nelson Cunningham.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: I am so grateful that our paths have crossed.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_02: And we too crossed thanks to the becoming an Enneagram coach, and maybe even specifically the coaching network that is hosted by your Enneagram coach.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so thankful that she's going to share some of her story with you today.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I'll give you a little teaser.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: I think you're going to hear some further collaboration.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: We're going to be talking about Enneagram and attachment and what that means for our wholehearted journey and for wholehearted parenting.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_02: I know I'm totally dropping a little nugget here.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: I hope that wets your appetite.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: I can't promise exactly when, but I'm pretty certain late this summer and early fall you're going to be hearing more from us.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: So let's jump right in to hear her story.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, my name is Jara Nelson Cunningham.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: I live in Richmond, Virginia, and here is my wholehearted journey.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: I first heard about the Enneagram in 2010 when my small group Bible study was reading David Platt's book Radical.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: There was some vague reference to the Enneagram as a personality measure, and as a clinical psychologist, I was curious.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: I looked it up on the internet and a lot of the material seemed esoteric.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: I tried to apply the Enneagram to Christianity so I could present the nine types to my small group.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: That brief encounter was my only investigation into the Enneagram until about 2020 when it came to my attention again.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: This time I was able to find Beth and Jeff McCord's Christian view of the Enneagram that was presented in a much more user-friendly and contemporary way.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Professionally, I'm a clinical psychologist and my specialty is working with families around trauma and attachment.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: I am a Christian and my relationship with Jesus is very important to me, but I have always practiced in secular clinical settings.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: I immediately saw the contemporary approach to the Enneagram as a way to combine my faith, love of scripture, and developing secure attachment in families.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: I did some brief exploration, and I liked the structured yet flexible model of the Enneagram that allowed for each person to be unique, as well as having indicators of health and stress.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't just a description or a label, like many personality measures.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: It provided direction for improvement of self, becoming more fully the person who God created us to be, and a path to draw closer to Jesus and to others.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: I could see the personal, spiritual, and relational benefits, as well as its clinical usefulness.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: I was hooked, but not totally.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: Here is what held me back.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: I took the test and it said I was a type one.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: As I read the descriptions, it made sense, and I fit a lot of the descriptions of a type one.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: Although the core longing of the three, which is to be loved simply for being me and not my achievement or performance, really resonated with me.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: While the longing of the one was not particularly meaningful for me, I wanted to become an Enneagram coach, but felt stuck in moving forward with the training because I could not figure out my own type.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: I kept going back and forth between types one and three.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: I would describe myself as a perfectionist and critical of myself and others, but also very achievement-oriented.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: I could tell that I needed a little guidance from someone else to help me discern.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: I was also feeling a desire for authenticity and connection, and I was hoping that the Enneagram would allow me to work towards these things.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: This past fall, I made the decision to work with Enneagram coach Amy Wicks to discern my type.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: Once she helped me to determine that I was indeed a type three, I was able to address some of the pieces of the type three that I didn't like or was not sure about.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I was also able to face some things I'd been avoiding.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: This happened in conjunction with meeting regularly with a good friend to do accountability.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: These two relationships helped me to feel safe and supported to continue moving forward.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: As a type three, I have difficulty opening up to new people.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: I like people and enjoy getting to know them, but I'm slow to truly let people in.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: I have a lot of thoughts and feelings going on deep inside, but I struggle to share them because I want people to think well of me.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: I also have a hard time expressing them verbally in a clear way.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: I do much better expressing myself in writing.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: Two things really surprised me about the coaching experience.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: First, as a therapist, I was used to being the one to ask the questions, but it is much harder to be on the answering end.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: I found it took me a long time to process my thoughts.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: Thoughts that were clear in my head often came out jumbled up during our sessions.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's been valuable for me to journal and write out my thoughts to have a process of what's been going on, but also so I don't get lost in my own talking.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: Another thing I was surprised by was my ability to open up and be honest and transparent right from the start when meeting with Amy.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: And if you've met Amy, you would understand why that's easy.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: She was so welcoming and open.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: And it allowed me to do really good work in coaching that dovetailed beautifully with some of the work I'd been doing leading up to that on my relationship with the Lord.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: I really felt like the Holy Spirit was working.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: The ultimate benefit of the Enneagram for me has been allowing me to do deep self-reflection while also deepening my relationship with the Lord because I was able to be more honest about myself.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: This was particularly true in recognizing the ways I mask or hold back my feelings and ideas to try to maintain other people's positive view of me and in affirming, rather than denying, my need for significance or importance.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: It also allowed me to explore my tendency to avoid shame.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: I had no idea I had as much shame as I've uncovered.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: The Enneagram has freed me to take an honest look at myself and to trust the Lord to lead my life, rather than me working hard to make things happen.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: It has also affirmed my desire to dream of how God can use my passions and longings in a way that I would find fulfilling and that would glorify Him.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: As a type three, I have always believed that I am loved and valued for my accomplishments and performance.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: I received a clear message that achievement was valued when I was growing up.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: But I also knew that my parents loved and supported me no matter what.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: They would probably be disappointed to hear me say that I felt loved for what I achieved.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: But that has always been true for me.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: I've always been competitive, tried to measure up, and tried to gain people's approval by my accomplishments.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: I remember being upset with myself and being sure that I was going to fail kindergarten because my work was not comparable to that of the teachers.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: No one told me that or even implied it.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: It was pressure that I put on myself.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: This sense of achieving has been a part of me for as long as I can remember.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: I usually know what I want and I can figure out what to do to achieve my goals.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: When my husband and I got married, our pastor talked about strengths we each brought to the marriage.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things he said about me was that I was driven.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: I remember thinking, aren't most people?
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: I thought maybe he was just referring to me working on my PhD at the time.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: But I've since come to realize that he was talking about my general approach to tasks and to life and my urgency to keep moving forward to get stuff done.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: The drive to perform is both a gift and a weakness, if not kept in check.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: I often equate accomplishment with significance.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: One of the really helpful things that I learned in coaching was that my desire for significance and recognition was a God-given desire and was not self-serving as long as I am living for God and keeping my priorities in line.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: Type three's desire for status and respect and to be successful and valuable was hard for me to acknowledge because it sounds so self-focused and superficial.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, as a type three, I am concerned what others think about me, and I don't want to come across in a way that I perceive as negative, even if it's true.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: If I focus on being significant to God and remember that God loves me for who I am, not what I do, then I am less likely to put so much emphasis on my achievements.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: Jesus doesn't need my actions or work.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: He needs my devotion and trust and to rely on him.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: Part of the Enneagram journey is to embrace the positive traits of your type.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: Being a type three means that I am future focused and assertive.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: I've always been good at planning and organizing, and most of the time I want to be the one in charge.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: As I think about how this plays out in my adult life, vacation planning comes to mind.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: I have developed a love for planning trips, researching the things to do, putting the itinerary together, and booking excursions well ahead of time so we don't miss out on anything we want to do.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: This allows me to relax and be present in the moment during the vacation.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: We went to Puerto Rico for spring break this year and enjoyed cliff jumping, snorkeling, kayaking, zip lining, hiking in the rainforests, sliding down natural waterfalls.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: Can you tell that I have teenage boys?
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: This process of planning the vacation and then having it play out where everyone enjoys it makes me happy, and I hope it also bears fruit for my family.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: But I need to be careful to not overschedule our trips and to leave time for rest and impromptu exploration, because those are not my strong suits.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: My relationship with the Lord has really grown through my exploration of the Enneagram and digging into my type three desires and behaviors.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: I have come to realize that my fear of failure and admitting mistakes has been holding me back from my authentic self and also left me stuck in shame for my shortcomings.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: This is one place where doing the Enneagram work allowed me to recognize something of which I was unaware about myself.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: I have been praying Ezekiel 1119 for myself since last fall, that God would give me an undivided heart for him, give me a heart of flesh instead of stone.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: I could tell he was working, and my verse for this year continued in the same vein.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: The verse is Jeremiah twenty four, verses six and seven.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says I will build them up and not tear them down.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: I will plant them and not uproot them.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Lord, they will be my people and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: I was able to hear God's grace and care in softening my heart and building me up, for his glory and for his kingdom, and to allow me to experience his goodness.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: God wants all of my heart, and I had been holding back, afraid of the tearing down part.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: The Holy Spirit showed me how my fear of failure and admitting mistakes was keeping me from being authentic with the Lord and others.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: The Lord is so much more kind and gracious about my shortcomings than I was to myself.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: This grace and forgiveness and kindness about building up and planting without tearing down or uprooting has freed me to continue to explore areas that the Lord would like to refine and for me to be open to that growth and dependence on Him.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: Emotions were not valued in my family while I was growing up.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: It was okay to have them, but not really express them much.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: This combined with my personality that wanted to achieve and excel made it easy to ignore or downplay my feelings.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I realized how much I compartmentalized my feelings and pushed them aside to achieve or focus on tasks.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: This is a struggle for me as a parent.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: I have to work hard to help my children process their feelings rather than just shoving their feelings aside to get them to do their homework or chores.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: I want to quickly move to tasks and checklists and getting all of the things done and done the right way.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: This is an area of continuing growth for me and also admitting to my kids when I am wrong.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: The times that I am more attuned to my kids have often led to nice moments of connection that I can feel good about.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: I have been blessed by these in-the-moment interactions with my kids, even when they are challenging or occur at midnight when I want to be in bed.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: As I have been doing this Enneagram work, I have been able to recognize some of the negative type three patterns in my life.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: Feeling inadequate leads to shame, which causes type threes to shut down and hide their feelings.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: To not get stuck in shame, I often believe the lie that I have to accomplish and have it all together and cannot waste time to process my feelings and reactions.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: This process is unhealthy, but when I am able to make time to sit with the Lord in quiet, reflect on my feelings in Scripture, it leads to insight and openness to how God is working.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: As I have been bringing my longings, emotions, circumstances, and shortcomings to the Lord, He has spoken to me through Scripture and relationships, particularly with coaching, with my friend Denise and with my husband.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_01: The Lord is giving me excitement for what he is doing in my life right now, even though I don't know exactly what it means for the future or what it may look like.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: But I do know he wants me to trust him and let him orchestrate my dreams.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: My achievement-oriented self is trying to let God take the reins and not try to force something or plan something that is not God's agenda.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: I am currently working on my Enneagram certification for mental health professionals, and I don't know what Jesus will do with it yet, but I imagine I will do some type of therapy or coaching with the Enneagram.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: I am so grateful for the work the Lord is doing in my life through the Enneagram and how He has blessed this journey through the coaching that I have received.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: Type 3 friend, this is Deanna Sudom.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: You have been created to bring the hope of God into this world.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: You are greatly needed to help shine light into the darkness with your natural ability to be confident and optimistic and inspiring.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for the ability to be industrious and work hard to provide for your families.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: In this, remember that it says in Proverbs 3 4, do not wear yourself out to get rich.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do not trust in your own cleverness.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: As you magnify the Lord, your awareness and understanding of him will increase and set you free from creating a persona that is not authentic.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: Psalm thirty four in New King James Version, verse one to five and twelve to fifteen, although I encourage you to read and meditate on this whole psalm, it says, I will bless the Lord at all times, his praise shall continually be in my mouth, my soul shall make its boast in the Lord.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: I sought the Lord and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: They looked to him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: Verse twelve Who is the man who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good?
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Keep your tongue from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their cry.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: Father, thank you for these role models and ones that run with initiative and create and build and are hardwired for success in this world.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: I sense that God wants to assure you of his love and care for you outside of any kind of a success or achievement.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: Lord, will you meet them in the real, in the failures that rise up, and help them to see you walking with them through it and not needing to put on anything fabricated to be okay.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you that their value ultimately comes from you, and even if all the things were stripped away, they are worthy of your love.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Help their love not become resounding gongs and clanging cymbals empty in a show.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: But Lord, reassure them whatever they do, as to the Lord and not men, that you will be the one that brings them their reward, not any person.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: Lord, bring healing in the deep-seated places that need to perform.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: Help them to be present.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: Send others to them, Lord, that bring and create harmony and peace in their spirit and surroundings.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: Bless them, Father.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: In Jesus' name.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yes.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Deanna.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: Wasn't that so great, friend?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: If you're an Enneagram 3, I do hope you feel loved and valued and celebrated by this episode.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_02: Now, if you are a three, I know you love this.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: Or at least I hope you did.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_02: And if you know a three, I bet they would so appreciate knowing that you have taken this time to learn more about how they view the world.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_02: I think a great way to share this with them is to send them a little note, a message with how you value their amazing work and all the things, but that most of all, you love them for just being who they are.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_02: Again, you can use this podcast share feature option to just send a quick text or maybe even do a little shout out on social media.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: Next week, I'm going to be back with what you need to know about the Enneagram for.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: Until then, friend, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your simply wholehearted life.