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The Art of Being Your Own Best Friend · Is Your Way In Your Way?

0:25
Cassandra: Good day out there to all of my listeners and I'd like to welcome you to Is your Way In your Way podcast, and I'm your host.
0:32
Cassandra: My name is Cassandra Crawley-Mayo, and, for those new listeners out there, I'd like to share with you what this podcast is all about.
0:40
Cassandra: It's for those individuals who are stuck.
0:43
Cassandra: You know within your heart of hearts that there's something that you know you should be doing, but you can't seem to get out of your way in doing so.
0:53
Cassandra: Let me give you some examples.
0:54
Cassandra: Perhaps somebody wants to be an author, they want to write a book, maybe they are in a toxic relationship and they need to get out.
1:03
Cassandra: Or you know what?
1:04
Cassandra: I've been in this job for quite some time and I know it's time for me to leave, but I just can't do it and just try to think of the things why you're not able to do that, and that's why I like to bring on guests that we talk about topics related to what I call personal improvement, personal growth, some of this business improvement, business growth, and I always pray that there will be a podcast of mine that you will listen to, where you will have an epiphany and you will know right then and there okay, this is what I need Now.
1:39
Cassandra: I know I'm stuck.
1:41
Cassandra: Now I'm unstuck and I'm ready to start living my best life on my terms.
1:46
Cassandra: So today we have a guest by the name of Arlene Cohen Miller, and let me introduce Arlene and I'll tell you what our topic is.
1:55
Cassandra: Well, hello Arlene, how are you today?
1:58
Arlene: I'm great Lovely to be here.
2:01
Cassandra: Thank you, I'm glad you're here.
2:02
Cassandra: Our topic today is empower your inner voice from critic to coach.
2:08
Cassandra: Now, we know we all have an inner voice.
2:11
Cassandra: I've read and done some research.
2:13
Cassandra: Sometimes they say we have 7,000 thoughts a day.
2:15
Cassandra: I've read something where they say we had 20,000.
2:18
Cassandra: So, whatever, we have a lot of thoughts a day and they also say 80% of those thoughts are negative.
2:26
Cassandra: So this will be very, I think, a very interesting conversation to talk about in regards to being a critic, from critic to coach.
2:37
Cassandra: And before we get started and I delve into the questions for Arlene to Arlene, I want to share a little bit about her history so that you have a little background on her, so you will understand a bit well perhaps, why she's qualified to talk about this topic.
2:56
Cassandra: Who brings a wealth of training and experience to help women compassionately and wholeheartedly lead themselves and create the life they desire, a life that works and feels right to them.
3:19
Cassandra: She is a professional certified coach with the International Coaching Federation and she is also an AV-rated Colorado attorney and a certified meditation facilitator with a diploma in transformational holistic counseling from Australia.
3:39
Cassandra: And what I'd like to ask, and I intended to ask you before, in the beginning of our conversation before we came on what is an AB rated?
3:49
Arlene: Colorado attorney.
3:50
Arlene: It's the highest rated rating that you can get, so I've worked hard for it and I kept it.
3:56
Arlene: I'm still licensed to practice in Colorado because it does contribute to you know what I can do for people and yeah, that's what it is.
4:05
Cassandra: So what type of attorney, what did you practice?
4:08
Cassandra: Yeah, that's what it is.
4:12
Arlene: So what type of attorney?
4:13
Arlene: What did you practice?
4:14
Arlene: I practiced two kinds of law the first 12 years.
4:17
Arlene: Well, when I first started off, I was working for other attorneys and the first attorney solo practitioner I worked for did family law, domestic relations and also helped businesses to collect their debts, and so I ended up doing both of those things to collect their debts and so I ended up doing both of those things.
4:33
Arlene: When I went out on my own when I was 29, I primarily focused on family law and so I was doing divorce and dissolutions of marriage and child custody, and I was also appointed by the court to be a guardian ad litem.
4:45
Arlene: That means I represented the children in divorces where the parents were not very functional you know, they're one or both were involved in alcohol or drugs or parenting skills that were not up to what the court felt was in the best interest of the child.
5:02
Cassandra: And.
5:02
Arlene: I was really young when I started all of that.
5:04
Arlene: You know I was 29 when, I started out on my own and I grew up in the suburbs of Louisville, kentucky, in a pretty stable, loving family environment and I had never been exposed to that.
5:16
Arlene: And you do get some training in law school, but a lot of the training in the law is on the ground and I ended up switching to commercial law after 12 years.
5:26
Arlene: I just didn't have the skills and abilities I do now to take care of myself in that kind of environment, and so for the rest of the time I helped businesses collect their debts, which is a little bit stressful, but it's not the same as people in those kind of deals.
5:42
Cassandra: Right, that's very different, right?
5:44
Cassandra: Yeah, I read somewhere that one of your goals or aspirations I don't know if you were 12 years old or but you were young and you knew that you wanted to be an attorney what inspired you to want to do that?
5:59
Cassandra: You know I get asked that question a lot.
6:02
Arlene: I was 15 and it's just like I felt like I had this down lowing of no, now down lowing of knowing that you need to be an attorney, and I'm like, okay, that sounds pretty cool, because I knew that I would be able to take care of myself.
6:16
Arlene: And I thought, well, I can really be of service to people in a profound way if I am in the practice of law.
6:24
Cassandra: Okay.
6:25
Arlene: So I just decided and I told my mom and dad I don't know if they believed me at 15, but I just share that with them and I follow through.
6:33
Cassandra: Wow, that's.
6:34
Cassandra: That's very impressive, because a lot of us at that age we're not quite sure what it is that we want to do.
6:39
Cassandra: You know, like people say, what do you want to do?
6:41
Cassandra: When you grow up and I always remember that question I'm like I don't know.
6:51
Arlene: But while you were special, you kind of knew what it was that you wanted to do.
6:52
Arlene: I don't know if I was special, I just sort of, you know, got this really strong feeling and I just followed it.
6:55
Cassandra: Awesome, awesome.
6:56
Cassandra: Call that intuition right.
6:58
Cassandra: Yeah, let me ask you now.
7:02
Cassandra: You pivoted.
7:03
Cassandra: You were an attorney and and obviously congratulations for your av rated status and something there was something that said you know what I want to do?
7:15
Cassandra: A different type of work.
7:17
Cassandra: I think I want to be a work-life balance and human coach or something.
7:22
Cassandra: Do harmony coach.
7:23
Cassandra: What inspired you to change something that you've always wanted?
7:28
Cassandra: You even changed, um, not the practices, so to speak, the things that you were working on, but why, what?
7:38
Cassandra: What prompted the change to, even though you're still an attorney, but you're not practicing, right, right, so what?
7:47
Cassandra: What was it that led you to want that, to change?
7:53
Arlene: People ask me that, but it was like it wasn't like a big aha moment like my, my decision to practice law.
7:58
Arlene: It happened over time.
8:00
Arlene: One of the things in my background is I started my own solo practitioner practice when I was 29 in a suburb of a western suburb of Cleveland, ohio called Lakewood.
8:11
Arlene: There was two other, it was a storefront office.
8:14
Arlene: There was two other attorneys.
8:15
Arlene: There was an employment agency.
8:17
Arlene: Another guy came in later who did collections, which was really interesting.
8:21
Arlene: He sold collection packages to businesses and I began partnering with him, but I put out my shingle.
8:29
Arlene: It was very different than we did.
8:30
Arlene: We didn't have all the computers that we have now at all and I immediately found out I was pregnant.
8:35
Arlene: So I graduated and my then husband and I were both from Louisville, kentucky, so all of our family was there and we were six hour drive away and all my peers from law school were in Kentucky or right across the Ohio River in Indiana or Ohio practicing, so I didn't have them there.
8:56
Arlene: I really didn't have my tribe around me.
8:58
Arlene: And there weren't any kind of coaches like what I do now.
9:01
Arlene: There were counselors, there were psychologists, and I did end up delving into that a little bit, but they really didn't have the skills and tools to help me form a tribe and do what I needed.
9:12
Arlene: I really sort of needed a coach and so it was just.
9:16
Arlene: It was an interesting journey.
9:18
Arlene: You know.
9:18
Arlene: it wasn't easy to be a mom with a beginning business and a partner that was working 70 hours a week and wasn't was there financially for me but wasn't there in person really very much of the time, and so I really had like a really strong empathetic and compassionate connection with women from that, and that's one of the bases of how I got to where I am right now.
9:44
Cassandra: What?
9:44
Cassandra: Ok, why work life balance?
9:47
Cassandra: I mean because you're doing a transformational, healing, mentoring.
9:53
Cassandra: Why did you select work life balance and that term to me?
9:59
Cassandra: I heard it a lot and I used to always say it when I was at corporate.
10:03
Cassandra: I'm like I need a work life balance.
10:05
Cassandra: First of all, what is work life balance?
10:09
Arlene: Well, I add the word harmony there for a reason, okay, because balance sort of feels like scales of justice to me, right.
10:15
Cassandra: And that's sort of impossible.
10:17
Arlene: That implies we need to find a perfect something and then we place all these expectations on ourselves that aren't going to be helpful.
10:24
Arlene: But when you add harmony into it, you bring in that flexibility and adaptability that we need in life full stop, because things are always kind of moving and changing and shifting in our lives so that we have to be flexible and adaptable with what happens.
10:38
Arlene: And I really feel that the transformational mentoring and the meditation and the work-life balance and harmony we just either kind of.
10:48
Arlene: The reason my um company's called dual consultancy is that it feels like they're all different sides of the diamond, you know, and so they're not different.
10:58
Arlene: They're just different ways of approaching problems or issues that we have to have a resolution, and some ways they're going to work for some people and some ways they're going to work for others, but they're all really part of the same sort of jam.
11:12
Cassandra: Hmm, OK, let's talk about how the inner voice plays into that.
11:41
Cassandra: When we talk about from the critic to the coach, that's that's, that's a shift.
11:49
Cassandra: But let's talk about the inner voice a bit.
11:52
Cassandra: What the inner voice Now?
11:55
Cassandra: Remember I had said some people say it's 2,000 thoughts a day.
12:00
Cassandra: 22,000 thoughts a day, why is that so important?
12:07
Arlene: Well, I don't know how many thoughts a day we have, but it really does help with the meditation and coming back to our inner source, knowing and not trying to find answers on the outside and being really grounded and fully present in our body in this now moment.
12:22
Arlene: So we're not worrying about the future or overwhelmed about the future or feeling bad or even just reminiscing about the past.
12:30
Arlene: But we're right here.
12:31
Arlene: Um, it's just a fact of life that most people have all those thoughts.
12:36
Arlene: I think if you meditate, if you find ways to get it out in nature, you can slow that down considerably.
12:42
Arlene: But where it feels like it's genetically passed on from generation to generation to have all these kind of negative thoughts, if I look at my mom, if I look at my grandmother about you know, not that they were negative people, but how they sort of talked to themselves and shared things with me and you know they were great parents and great people.
13:00
Arlene: But you know, it just felt like that to me and so it just really feels like it's and it's a learned behavior, you know.
13:07
Arlene: For maybe the way we have our parents or the way we go to school, the way our teachers interact with us, you know all kinds of things come up where we hear this stuff, where we take it on and we make it something negative about ourselves or something negative to focus on.
13:23
Arlene: So, basically, if not that it's wrong, but maybe the way that we've talked to ourselves is the way that we survived as a child, or maybe that we moved forward as a child is not something to judge ourselves about, but it's not really working because what we focus on is what we get more of.
13:40
Arlene: So it's really important to focus on what we want to move towards, what we want to create in our lives, while at the same time not ignoring our feelings, Because if we really feel our feelings and just let them move through us and not get stuck in them and keep on focusing on them, but focus on what we're aligned to or choosing to move towards, we're going to have a different experience.
14:01
Cassandra: What about?
14:02
Cassandra: Like my listeners some of my listeners, for example they do want to switch jobs, they want to do something different and internally, they are struggling with some limiting beliefs.
14:15
Cassandra: You know, like I can't.
14:22
Cassandra: I can't do that, or I don't know if I have the capacity.
14:23
Cassandra: Well, I still have children, young children, and I want to make sure that I'm actually they're my priority, make sure that I'm I'm actually they're my priority.
14:34
Cassandra: So I don't want to shift the family by me making a move, or how, how do you work with people that are, um, well, in other words, how to discuss shifting that inner critic yeah.
14:49
Arlene: Well, I think one of the easiest to turn around, to begin to turn around that inner critic into an inner coach, especially for women.
14:57
Arlene: We are very empathetic you know we really are the nurturers.
15:02
Arlene: So if our friend came to us and started telling us everything that we were thinking and all those negative thoughts and we didn't know what we wanted to do, we would be there for our friend.
15:10
Arlene: We would be there for the person that we loved thinking and all those negative thoughts and we didn't know what we wanted to do.
15:11
Arlene: We would be there for our friend.
15:12
Arlene: We would be there for the person that we loved.
15:13
Arlene: We would share, we would support them, we would nurture them, we would be there for them, we would champion them, we just would.
15:22
Arlene: And the thing is so, we already had those skills and abilities.
15:24
Arlene: But what we forget is that we can just turn around and give those same things to ourselves and at first that might feel like, oh my God, that's naughty, you know.
15:34
Arlene: But once we, you know, practice makes permanent.
15:37
Arlene: So if we start practicing, when we hear that negative self-talk, if I was my own best friend, what would I be telling myself now?
15:44
Arlene: How would I be championing myself?
15:46
Arlene: How would I be nurturing myself?
15:48
Arlene: How would I be supporting myself?
15:50
Arlene: If I really had my head space the dark place, how would I use that tough love to help get myself out of it so that I can make a decision from the heart of where to from here.
16:03
Cassandra: So so what you said was think about when you have these thoughts and you're going through these certain life eruptions or whatever, you start thinking, talking to yourself, or either think, how would I speak with my best friend about that?
16:25
Cassandra: Now, when you are surrounded and I think of the world today, it's a lot of energy.
16:32
Cassandra: Energy to me is just unbelievable.
16:35
Cassandra: It is just a powerful.
16:38
Cassandra: You can have positive energy or you can have negative energy, and and when you are confronted or surrounded by that because those are the things too that could have you thinking, stinking thinking you know, well, I don't, I don't know, you know it's just, you know it's just trying to separate yourself from that.
17:04
Cassandra: How would one do that?
17:06
Cassandra: Because it's happening a lot more lately.
17:09
Cassandra: You know people like I don't know about this, and you know people, many people, are not in a good space right now.
17:17
Cassandra: How can they get in that space?
17:19
Cassandra: A?
17:20
Arlene: better space.
17:20
Arlene: You've raised a really important problem and I don't know if there's a magic fairy dust solution for it, because the the five most important people in your life, the people that you surround yourself with, that is, those are the people you're going to become more like full stop.
17:34
Arlene: So if you have negative and toxic people around you that are telling you all the things that you can't do, you're going to be flooded with their energy and it's going to be difficult to let that move through and let that go.
17:46
Arlene: I mean, sometimes they're family that you have to distance yourself from, because maybe you have a narcissistic parent or someone that's just not supportive.
17:54
Arlene: Maybe it's some friends that used to be really good friends, but the more you're around them, the more toxic they become and drag you down, because maybe you're evolving and growing and changing and people think that that's wrong.
18:07
Arlene: But as we change and grow, we want to surround ourselves with like minded people who are going to uplift and support us the way we're going to support them.
18:15
Arlene: And you know it's a different situation if you are in a toxic job situation.
18:21
Arlene: In a toxic job situation, you know if there's a way that you can change it by how you act and what you do, and maybe there's a way to move laterally or to a different position within a company.
18:29
Arlene: That's a possibility.
18:30
Arlene: But it's not a good thing for our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health to be under a toxic boss.
18:37
Arlene: So I don't have a magic solution, but we can make those decisions and I think we can just gradually move away from those kind of people.
18:49
Arlene: But it's really not a good idea, even if they're your family.
18:53
Arlene: Even if they're your family.
18:56
Cassandra: Excuse me, arlene, you've not met Max.
19:00
Cassandra: Max is the dog.
19:01
Cassandra: A lot of my listeners have heard him and sometimes you don't hear from him, but now it's something about your voice that he wants to come in and see who I'm talking with.
19:14
Cassandra: That's all right, that's fine.
19:15
Cassandra: I just want to acknowledge that for those new listeners too, and I apologize for that.
19:18
Cassandra: That's all right.
19:19
Cassandra: Yeah, you know I'm thinking about some things and people who have been in my life and you know, as you indicated, you know we're always there for them, you know that that are having a tough time.
19:33
Cassandra: And then it came a time when I'm like I can't talk right now.
19:37
Cassandra: You know, it's kind of like a boundary, you know, and I know you're big on boundaries as well, but there are times when it's not that I don't love them, but it's just not a good time for me to talk, and once I get back into my space and fill my cup, then I will reach out to them.
19:57
Cassandra: So how, or is that a boundary one set, or is there any other ways that you could remove yourself from those?
20:12
Cassandra: Like you indicated, jobs can be tough.
20:13
Cassandra: Family can be tough.
20:14
Cassandra: Are there any other ways that you've experienced?
20:18
Arlene: Well, I think you know that's what you're giving.
20:19
Arlene: There's two points there.
20:34
Cassandra: I think you know that's what you're giving.
20:36
Arlene: There's two points there.
20:37
Arlene: Number one if someone's just coming to you to dump all their negativity in their energy field or to pump up a flat tire, but they boundaries are, I have this golden bubble of protection around me.
20:44
Arlene: It's filled with love.
20:46
Arlene: I'm going to fill myself up with love.
20:47
Arlene: I can share the overflow of my love with you.
20:49
Arlene: But it's not okay to dump in my field because that drags you.
20:53
Arlene: It's not helping the other person.
20:55
Arlene: Because they came in here.
20:57
Arlene: They have certain lessons to learn and if we're taking on their toxic, stuff're going to be dragged down, they're only going to be pumped up for a little bit and they're not going to be learning the lessons that they need to learn to evolve and to grow, and if so, we need to.
21:12
Arlene: I just have really clear, strong and appropriate boundaries with that.
21:15
Arlene: That's.
21:15
Arlene: That's not okay okay um, um.
21:18
Arlene: But you know another thing what we can do to be more ready is is what you already touched on is that we need to be every day filling our cup up with love and sharing that overflow with other people.
21:32
Arlene: Because, otherwise, what happens is that we let other people drain our energy.
21:37
Arlene: It becomes an empty cup.
21:38
Arlene: We become frustrated and angry and overwhelmed and we might lash out at another person then we feel guilty about it.
21:47
Arlene: And then we engage in doormat and that kind of behavior of giving, giving, giving, and we go through that cycle again, when we actually do things to love and nurture ourselves, whatever that is for you, and our cup is filled up with love.
22:00
Arlene: We're not going to go through that cycle.
22:02
Arlene: We are going to feel better.
22:03
Arlene: And the people that we interact with are going to see a real difference and experience us much more positively as well.
22:10
Cassandra: Yes, that's good, I definitely.
22:12
Cassandra: I'm glad you reiterated all that because I wanted my listeners to hear that, even though you guys have been friends for a while.
22:19
Cassandra: But if it's draining, you know you have to kind of let go so that your cup can get full, because that's important for your wellbeing.
22:28
Cassandra: Now, yeah, you also do that soul reading and group soul readings.
22:37
Cassandra: Tell me about that.
22:40
Arlene: Tell us about it.
22:41
Arlene: Well, I got trained I don't know maybe eight years ago.
22:44
Arlene: I always could do like readings for people without I've always been really empathic, intuitive and sensitive and I tend to attract those kind of people to me.
22:51
Arlene: But I'm not a psychic, you know, I'm not reading you, but what I, what I can do, is I can heart connect with people and I love working with the cards because, you know, we can be visual.
23:01
Arlene: It's visual, it's auditory, it's kinesthetic, it's a feeling kind of thing.
23:09
Arlene: I can help dig out the cards for the person by just being a conduit over the, you know, over a computer or the phone, and I share opportunities that are available, obstacles and challenges that could present and ways that they can move forward.
23:19
Arlene: It's very like, very much like one-on-one mentoring, but a lot of people get so much more out of it because we're doing it together.
23:28
Arlene: We're both making cards and it's visual, it's auditory, it's recorded, it's something they can work with for maybe two or three months and it's just, it's a different way to experience mentoring.
23:39
Arlene: Um, that can be really, that can touch people in a way that maybe the other ways can't.
23:44
Arlene: So I love doing it.
23:46
Arlene: It's really, really fun and I find it's really.
23:49
Arlene: It's really.
23:50
Arlene: It helps me with the people that's like you're talking about.
23:53
Arlene: They can't seem to get beyond a certain place because they can continue to work with the recording for two or three months as they ponder how, where to from here.
24:04
Cassandra: So you use cards, is that what?
24:07
Arlene: you said yeah, go ahead again.
24:10
Arlene: They're called psychic tarot oracle cards.
24:14
Arlene: And basically it's just an easy way to connect with a person about what they need and what they're looking for and stuff like that.
24:22
Arlene: But it's not like I'm going to tell you if you're going to get a man or not or what's happening in business.
24:29
Arlene: But if they put that energy out there, you know I want to know about relationships, I want to know about you know moving, or I want to know about this job I'm in or whatever it is.
24:39
Arlene: Usually because it's a soul soul reading, not a personality to personality reading, somehow the information will come out.
24:47
Arlene: It won't be like do this or that, but what's the what, what's the energy of the card?
24:51
Arlene: Share with cheers through me will give them that sort of feeling about where to from here and then it's up to them wow, interesting.
24:59
Cassandra: So you do one-on-one and you do group.
25:04
Arlene: Yes, I do.
25:05
Arlene: Now, a group is is like what I.
25:06
Arlene: I've been invited to a lot of parties like business parties and celebrations, and sometimes you know friends are all scared and two or three will come at once and listen to each other.
25:18
Arlene: I could do a group, but usually what people want is just to know about themselves.
25:21
Arlene: But sometimes different friends come together and want to support each other, or a couple want to be together to hear the other person.
25:27
Arlene: As long as they're consenting adults or an adult is there with a child, it's fine.
25:33
Arlene: I can still do that for them.
25:35
Cassandra: Okay, Okay.
25:35
Cassandra: Now I want to talk about this inner voice.
25:39
Cassandra: So is it that you, as you indicated in your mind, as we said, we don't know how many thoughts, but we have them and the negative thoughts, so you, so is it that all of a sudden, you're like I'm not having a good day today?
25:58
Cassandra: And then the thing well, why aren't you having a good day?
26:02
Cassandra: I don't know, I'm just kind of having a blonde day, you know.
26:05
Cassandra: So things like that.
26:07
Cassandra: How would you coach that?
26:10
Arlene: critical.
26:11
Arlene: Well, I think it's really important.
26:13
Arlene: Well, of course, I can't change anyone.
26:15
Arlene: I can only, you know, hold space for them as empowering questions, share reflections and insights and what I'm noticing about them, or what I'm intuitively feeling, and handing it to them and see what they want to do with it.
26:27
Arlene: But one way that we can begin to take that next step forward is to just choose to be aware.
26:33
Arlene: I found that when I was in my 20s, I had all this negative stuff going on and I thought that the way to share with my girlfriends was just to tell them all the horrible things that were happening in my life.
26:44
Arlene: That's how we bonded and once we become aware of what's going on and how we're talking to ourselves, that helps to de-energize that inner critic, full stop.
26:55
Arlene: To begin with, we can begin to work with our inner coach from there.
26:59
Cassandra: Okay, all right.
27:01
Cassandra: So, in other words, don't push the feelings down, don't just just be aware of it, because a lot of people don't want to feel that way.
27:10
Cassandra: So then they get upset because they're feeling that way, you know, yeah.
27:15
Arlene: What I found is I used to do that too and it can cause all kinds of physical problems.
27:19
Arlene: I used to have horrible headaches and digestive issues.
27:22
Arlene: It can make your mind feel really frenetic and stuff like that.
27:27
Arlene: And then, if I really wasn't listening to my inner coach which is God or source, whatever you want to talk about I ended up in my 30s really feeling like I got whacked by a two-by-four and I was on the floor with what was going on in my life because I wasn't feeling my feelings.
27:43
Arlene: And the thing is that if they're just feelings and they're just things that are coming up to move through us and to be loved, I look at them as how old is this part of me inside of me?
27:56
Arlene: How old is Arlene here?
27:57
Arlene: She eight, she 10, she 12, she 22.
28:00
Arlene: And I turn around and I know that I've neglected or abandoned that bit of me or she's gotten stuck somewhere because something that happened.
28:07
Arlene: And I turn around and I love her.
28:10
Arlene: I you know we know how to love, you know how to love kids.
28:13
Arlene: We can just turn around and love and hug and say I'm sorry, it wasn't fair.
28:18
Arlene: I'll be there now and help to de-energize and let them know that their feelings are valid.
28:23
Arlene: It's a part of us that we have said you're not okay, it's not okay to have these feelings.
28:29
Arlene: And maybe you know we were told when we were growing up that it wasn't okay to be really angry or to be really upset.
28:36
Arlene: So we've squashed stuff down.
28:38
Cassandra: But when?
28:39
Arlene: we feel it and we let it move through us and then welcome in more love to fill up those spaces.
28:44
Arlene: We're going to start to feel different.
28:47
Cassandra: Right, and you talked about the being the inner coach.
28:51
Cassandra: Can can upgrade your experience of life.
28:58
Arlene: Is that right?
28:58
Arlene: Yeah, ok, I feel so.
28:59
Arlene: I mean I, I really, because what we're doing is we're nurturing and supporting ourselves instead of beating ourselves and cutting ourselves down and contracting and being small.
29:07
Arlene: We can be much more expanded and more loving if we are focusing on and working with our inner coach, acknowledging when the inner critic is there and then doing something about it.
29:19
Arlene: And it's a process.
29:20
Arlene: It's not a perfect, and that's what I was saying.
29:23
Arlene: I'm a work in progress and I'm grateful to be here.
29:28
Cassandra: Yeah, I get that.
29:30
Cassandra: So am I.
29:31
Cassandra: So I guess what you're saying all of that can help individuals with anxiety that they have overwhelm, burnout, while building the confidence and self-esteem to embrace the positive changes.
29:48
Cassandra: Right, okay, all right.
29:52
Cassandra: I hear a lot about every day.
29:57
Cassandra: I hear about gratitude and how gratitude affects our ability to coach and nurture ourselves.
30:05
Cassandra: Let's talk a little bit about gratitude.
30:11
Cassandra: So, if you know I don't know whether in the morning, arlene like how does your day start?
30:20
Cassandra: Is that important for the rest of your day?
30:23
Cassandra: You think you know.
30:24
Cassandra: Like you start out like OK, I'm a turn on the news, like how did your day start?
30:31
Cassandra: What do you do?
30:33
Arlene: I don't understand why people turn on the TV when they first get up because there's so much toxicity out there.
30:37
Arlene: No, I'll do some meditation.
30:40
Arlene: I'll do some like protection and clearing of my energy field.
30:44
Arlene: I might watch something that's inspiring or uplifting, I might work with affirmations, but I really feel like you know, how we start our day is very important, and we can start our day so easy, with gratitude.
30:57
Arlene: It's like, oh man, I love this.
30:59
Arlene: I don't know if I want to get up.
31:01
Arlene: I really this is a comfortable bed and we take a hot shower, maybe in the morning, and we just really take the time to appreciate it and enjoy it.
31:08
Arlene: You know, maybe whatever we eat for breakfast, we really just love it, because when we put love into our food, it's going to nurture our body so much more.
31:16
Arlene: I would never, ever, turn on the news when I first get up.
31:21
Arlene: I just find that would be really abrasive and I really feel it's a wonderful way to start our day.
31:27
Arlene: Even if we only have five minutes of self-care, whatever it is, it's going to make a difference, even if we're just saying affirmations to ourselves and doing our best to feel them, as we're loving our food and making our breakfast and taking care of our kids.
31:42
Arlene: We need to give to ourselves what we give to other people.
31:45
Cassandra: Right, right, you know this to me is, and I learned this.
31:51
Cassandra: I grew up like this, but I'm finding, now that I'm more mature, how helpful it is when I get up and make my bed.
32:00
Cassandra: It's something about me getting up doing my other things my meditation, my devotions but it's like when I make my bed, it's kind of like oh, I accomplished one thing.
32:15
Cassandra: It's neat in here, it's some order.
32:20
Arlene: Yeah.
32:20
Cassandra: Find something like what do you, what do you think about that?
32:24
Arlene: That's the I.
32:25
Arlene: I love making my bed we have.
32:28
Arlene: We have an affinity there because once I make it I'm looking over, I mean anyway, it's right there and I can see it and it's just it's like, wow, that just looks so nice with the pillows there and it feels all organized, and years ago I studied feng shui and there is something to really say about if you have a lot of clutter and stuff around you, how it just brings everything down.
32:50
Arlene: But when you sort of organize it, it's sort of neat.
32:51
Arlene: You don't have to be perfect, it does feel so much better.
32:56
Arlene: So little things like that make a huge difference, I feel.
33:01
Cassandra: Yeah, ok, I'm not alone in this.
33:03
Cassandra: I'm like, oh, I just feel so good when I do that, and I know people that just when they go to bed, it's like it was when they were in the bed.
33:11
Cassandra: I'm like, how can they do that?
33:12
Cassandra: But that's just me, so I'm glad I'm not alone.
33:17
Cassandra: What I'd like for us to do now is you gave a lot of.
33:25
Cassandra: I'd like us to reiterate what some of the strategies that my listeners can use to cultivate mindfulness and resilience, enabling them to transcend self-imposed barriers and lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life.
33:47
Cassandra: Let's just kind of go over some of those strategies.
33:49
Arlene: I'd like to give some simple tools, because one of the things that I use if I say something, then I go whoa, that's not positive, that's not uplifting.
34:00
Arlene: I always say or I make a mistake, you know, because mistakes we can reframe mistakes to be opportunities to learn and grow.
34:09
Arlene: My mistakes are opportunities and not an opportunity to beat ourselves up.
34:12
Arlene: So if I say something that's not positive or I make a mistake, I always affirm to myself that's not like me, that's not who I am.
34:20
Arlene: You know, it's something I did, it's something I said and I'll do better next time.
34:26
Arlene: If I do something that's positive, uplifting, or I'm talking to myself positively, or even sharing that love positively with myself or others, I'll tell myself that's more like me.
34:37
Arlene: I'll have more of that.
34:39
Arlene: So it's a really simple way to talk to ourselves, to affirm, as we're working through this, because it takes practice, that's turning a ship around this, then going into that negative ocean, into that positive ocean and so it's going to take that practice Like if we're an athlete and we wanted to run a half marathon or something we can't just go out and do it.
34:59
Arlene: So we just really have to give the time to notice that and to acknowledge in ourselves that we're building that new firm foundation of positivity and inner coach within ourselves, and every all those little steps forward are important to acknowledge them every day.
35:20
Cassandra: That's good because I'm thinking about you, made me think about social media.
35:23
Cassandra: Mm, hmm, that's good because I'm thinking about you made me think about social media and I did a little a post the other day or story, to say, hey guys, I have an addiction.
35:33
Cassandra: Have you ever had an addiction?
35:38
Cassandra: You know, it's not fun, it's real.
35:39
Cassandra: And mine is social media, you know, and I scroll through it and I scroll through it and I scroll through it and half an hour is gone, you know.
35:45
Cassandra: And I scrolled through it and I scrolled through it and I scrolled through it and half an hour was gone, you know.
35:51
Cassandra: Then I scrolled through it.
35:52
Cassandra: So I like that.
35:53
Cassandra: So when I, what I said I was going to do was fast from, I'm not going to even look at social media, right.
35:55
Cassandra: But then I'm thinking, based on what you said is, as I start, and I'm going to remember that I said I have an addiction, I said that's not me, I'm not addicted, I'm not addicted to anything like that and this is not a good use of my time.
36:08
Cassandra: So because of that, if I keep saying that I don't want to do stuff, that's not a good use of my time.
36:14
Cassandra: I want to do something for my well-being.
36:16
Cassandra: That to myself like this isn't good.
36:26
Cassandra: I'm not.
36:27
Cassandra: This isn't me.
36:27
Cassandra: This is.
36:27
Cassandra: This is not how I like to roll during the day.
36:28
Cassandra: You know, I like to be a productive because I'm here for a reason and life is short and my life is not involved on checking social media.
36:38
Arlene: Now can I make a suggestion?
36:39
Arlene: Sure, because it's really important not to say that I'm not addicted, because then we're we're, because the word addicted is still in there.
36:46
Arlene: So we really have to focus.
36:48
Arlene: You know, that's not like me, you know, I'm a person that that loves animals in the outdoors, or I love being with people.
36:57
Arlene: So you want to focus.
36:58
Arlene: You want to affirm to yourself the kind of person that you are and not what you're not.
37:03
Arlene: That you're not, that you're not addicted, because that just brings the addiction back in energetically.
37:09
Arlene: Does that make sense?
37:10
Cassandra: yeah, it does.
37:11
Cassandra: It's kind of like I'm an alcoholic and I'm like, no, you're not.
37:15
Cassandra: Once you're alcoholic, you're always alcohol.
37:16
Cassandra: And that quote used to bother me.
37:19
Cassandra: Like no, if you keep saying you're an alcoholic, you know, so I'm.
37:24
Cassandra: When you said that, it made me think of that, like even though you're aware that one time you were, but that that's what I hear from people that go to AA and all of that to say I'm an alcoholic, I'm like, no, you're not, you know.
37:38
Cassandra: So it's kind of like I'm addicted.
37:40
Cassandra: No, no, no'm not like that.
37:42
Cassandra: So perhaps that could be used for something like that as well.
37:48
Arlene: Well, I'm not going to tackle the whole industry that's helping alcoholics stay sober, but I just felt that, at least at the beginning points where the viewers here, we can start with that.
37:58
Arlene: I'm not going to let people upset with me, but you do make a very, very valid point.
38:03
Arlene: I guess, from where they're coming from, what they're doing is they're acknowledging that it's never.
38:08
Arlene: You can't drink anything.
38:09
Arlene: However, you know, and a lot of people do it other ways whatever floats your boat is, you know.
38:16
Cassandra: Right.
38:16
Arlene: But from my perspective, we want to focus on you know that's not like me.
38:21
Arlene: I'll do better next time.
38:22
Arlene: And then, you know, the better next time.
38:30
Arlene: We can even visualize and feel what would next time look like.
38:31
Arlene: Next time might be me, you know, having a cup of tea and a biscuit with my friends.
38:33
Arlene: Or you know taking my dog for a walk.
38:34
Arlene: Or you know walking around and breathing the fresh air or going to get a massage, I don't know.
38:39
Arlene: Whatever, you know kind of lights up.
38:42
Arlene: That can be what we visualize and see ourselves doing and that can be more of what we're grounding in for ourselves in our lives.
38:49
Cassandra: OK, I like that.
38:50
Cassandra: And, listeners, I don't know where that came from.
38:53
Cassandra: I don't know where addiction came from.
38:55
Cassandra: I don't know where alcohol came from.
38:57
Cassandra: That wasn't in my, my purview, but was interesting.
39:00
Cassandra: Somebody needed to hear and that's the way I look at things that somebody out there needs to hear this and perhaps change the narrative, you know.
39:10
Cassandra: So that could be a way of empowering your inner voice from a critic to a coach.
39:17
Cassandra: So, arlene, how can my listeners get in touch with you?
39:23
Arlene: Well, my business is Jewel Consultancy like the diamond, and so JewelConsultancycom is out there.
39:29
Arlene: You can Google Arlene Cohen Miller.
39:31
Arlene: I think I'm the only Arlene Cohen Miller.
39:33
Arlene: There's lots of Arlene Millers, which is part of the reason I keep the three names.
39:38
Arlene: Of course, the middle name is my son's last name, so I did that for him as well.
39:42
Arlene: So you can Google me and or you you can.
39:48
Arlene: Also, I want to make an offer to your um, everyone that comes to your podcast.
39:50
Arlene: So, um, if you text me at 720-936-2634, mention cassandra and her beautiful podcast, I will gift you with like a five or ten minute mini soul reading.
40:02
Arlene: So it'll just be a couple of cards.
40:04
Arlene: We can do it on the computer and that'll be my little gift to you.
40:10
Arlene: If you're interested in something like that, well, thank you.
40:13
Cassandra: Thank you so much, arlene.
40:15
Cassandra: I appreciate that, and our listeners do as well.
40:18
Cassandra: Well, it's about time for us to wrap up.
40:21
Cassandra: About time for us to wrap up and I will tell my listeners.
40:29
Cassandra: I know that this particular segment of this podcast has been a blessing, and I'd love for you to share it with individuals where you know that it will be in their best interest.
40:37
Cassandra: How about empowering your inner voice?
40:39
Cassandra: Think about that from being a critic to being a coach, and we have Arlene Cohen Miller to thank for that, and we thank you so much.
40:50
Cassandra: And I will repeat this again to my listeners All you have to do is text 720-936-2634.
40:59
Cassandra: And she will do what we call a soul reading with you.
41:05
Arlene: A mini one.
41:05
Arlene: A mini one.
41:06
Cassandra: A mini one, so don't think you're going to take all her time and you mentioned Cassandra in this podcast.
41:13
Arlene: Yeah, and please mention Cassandra.
41:16
Cassandra: Okay, well, arlene.
41:17
Cassandra: Again, thank you for your time, thank you for your wisdom.