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From Local Coach to Global Stage: Women's Identity and the RE:YOU Method · Candid Coach Conversations

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  Hello there. Have you ever wondered how you can incorporate your identity into your
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  life in transition? If so, today's for you.
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  Welcome to Candid Coach Conversations.
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  I'm Kimberly Boyd, founder of Live Life Fully,
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  and today I have with me the most wonderful Tiffany Hughes,
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  certified Live Life Fully coach.
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  Hello, Tiffany.
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  Hello?
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  So Tiffany, I know that you had applied or sent in an application,
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  not really applied, well, I don't know what to call it,
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  Mm.
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  but you sent in
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  a thing to go speak at a conference in Europe.
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  And
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  Yes.
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  I would love for you to tell us about that experience and like how
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  did you get there? What made you decide like I want to go speak?
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  Tell us all about it.
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  Thank you for asking. well, one,
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  I love talking, right? So any opportunity that I have to talk about women,
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  about women's identity, about being more and doing more and all the things,
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  I will take that opportunity. So in the academic world,
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  there is this thing called call for papers,
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  right? And so I submitted an abstract to a call for papers with
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  the gender and women's studies in London.
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  it was at the Queensgate College.
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  And ~ they accepted my abstract,
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  which is where I was talking about the sort of
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  the fall of identity, right? I I was talking about,
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  okay, so this is how we lose the identity,
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  very short little bit, and then this is how we regain that identity,
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  which is where the re you concept comes from.
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  And and it's I didn't invent the wheel,
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  right? It was an observation of when we find ourselves asking,
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  I don't even know who I am anymore.
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  I wanted to say, okay, here's a step-by-step to start to
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  ask yourself those questions of what am I feeling right now in this moment?
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  Like saying yes when you really wanted to say no.
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  and so after I got accepted into this conference,
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  I booked a flight and, you know,
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  created a a PowerPoint or presentation.
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  And I wanted it to be something that had very strong visuals,
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  right? Because words get blurred over.
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  Words become
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  of a background sometimes. And so I tried to create a really image heavy
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  presentation that people could see and feel and identify with.
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  you know, I could see that, right?
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  When we have all these different masks around us,
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  I created a a showcase of masks and I know that I wear multiple masks,
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  right? I'm the mom, I'm the daughter,
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  I'm the strong one, I'm the sensible one,
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  I'm all these different parts,
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  and which is where the masks come in.
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  And which part is the woman?
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  Which part is the person that is truly me,
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  the authentic me versus the role that I play?
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  And something that I learned. So I was the third speaker that went up.
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  ~ this was an international ~ event.
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  There was people from Nigeria,
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  New Zealand, the United States,
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  of course, there were several from England,
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  a couple from France, and it was all about gender women studies.
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  And
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  It was extraordinary. It was extraordinary to hear everybody's perspective
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  and so many different diverse individuals.
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  ~ I heard probably about twenty two speakers in total and most of them,
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  probably twenty of them, I thought I need to get this person's contact and
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  I want to continue a relationship with them because the information they gave
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  was just it was breathtaking. And,
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  you know, so I made a trip, I went out
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  I did the the the presentation and I think what was interesting there was
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  a lady in Jamaica who works for a women's shelter.
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  and she worked for women who were trying to come out
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  of domestic violence relationships and she helps them with resources
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  and things like that to to kind of get back on their feet.
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  And her presentation, I kid you not,
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  was almost identical to the one that I had.
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  Now hers were specific to
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  re redefining your identity after trauma.
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  particularly those who have been in ~ mostly marriages
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  or relationships where there's a dominant relationship and there
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  was domestic violence. And so there was a a part of it that that s
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  was skewed from mine or that had deviated from from my per particular presentation.
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  because there was this gr kind of strengthening
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  process, right? To kind of believe that you could do it.
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  mine isn't quite that in depth or doesn't go there,
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  right? Because I want to stay in sort of this growth mindset and
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  a more positive mindset. Because it was it was in coaching that
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  I discovered what identity really meant.
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  It because it went past my my psychotherapist role.
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  And after we we both did our talk,
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  we we discovered that our language was exactly the same.
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  And ~ there was also a woman in France who talked a little
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  bit about gender identity, specifically women's identity within
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  the gender question of what is a woman.
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  And again, it sounded very similar.
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  And so while her topic was more about exploring binary and transgender identity,
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  it wasn't so different.
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  Right, because it was about this rediscovering who you already are,
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  right? It's not about reinventing the will.
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  We we don't have to
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  reinvent the will.
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  Yeah.
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  It is about taking some part of you and letting it grow and flourish
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  and and letting it be authentic.
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  And I think it was in that that I had some realizations,
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  right? About this is something that women are grappling with around the world.
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  it may look different, right? The platform may look different.
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  But it is the same problem, right?
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  I I sat next to a woman from Israel who was so brilliant and she talked about
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  her struggles as a a professor,
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  a female professor, and put in the particular area that she was in and
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  she even told me I really saw myself in your presentation and I
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  was thinking like really like with everything
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  that she's experiencing to have that kind of connection with something like
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  my presentation or what the Ryu method is trying to instill.
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  I just had this kind of like epiphany or this this worldview shift just
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  a little bit. So yeah
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  So with your presentation, you your speech,
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  your talk, what do you wanna call it?
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  Presentation, speech, talk. You're on stage,
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  Talk. Yeah.
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  what do you wanna call that?
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  Yeah, I would say it was it was I talked at a conference in Europe or in England.
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  Okay. Okay.
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  specifically England.
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  So in your talk, you you took with you your RE:YOU Method
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  Yes.
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  And so when you're talking about the RE:YOU Method and when you were on that stage,
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  like what was it in your heart,
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  like in your gut that you wanted to put out there for the audience to really hear?
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  And connect with.
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  I wanted people to feel empowered.
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  Yeah, I wanted them to not just empowerment in terms of,
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  yes, you can do it, right? I not necessarily the cheerleader empowerment,
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  right? But the empowerment of asking themselves the question,
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  am I living intentionally? Am I living authentically?
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  Right? And then I wanted to propose some questions that you can internalize.
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  How did I feel about that?
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  When I said yes and I really wanted to say no,
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  what was coming up for me? Right?
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  Did was I afraid to say no? Did I did I challenge myself or overwhelm myself?
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  Or did I ignore my own voice? And that is the thing is at the end of
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  the day when I'm when I'm wanting when I'm doing these talks about
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  the RE:YOU Method or about women's identity,
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  I want people to embarrass.
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  be empowered to ask themselves the question,
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  right? Because the doing part,
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  the the the actual putting it out there in the world and making the change
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  is a hard, that's a hard part,
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  right? But if you start with the awareness of I'm not quite living the
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  ~
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  way I want to live, that is really it it it's about developing the awareness,
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  right? So empowering you to become aware.
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  So what's popping up for me and I just wanna know from you if I'm on
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  the right page here is I'm hearing,
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  at least for me, like permission,
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  granting myself permission to get clarity about who I am,
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  who I wanna be, what I want and where I wanna go.
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  Absolutely. Absolutely.
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  Yeah, that's still.
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  And I'll it is about permission and it's even about more than than permission.
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  It is
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  Our identity develops because of a need,
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  Yeah.
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  right? We become a mom. We become important to somebody,
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  right? And so we validate ourselves by that task or that role.
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  And we say, well, we had to be the come,
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  we had to become this way. And this gives you permission to say,
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  do I still have to be that person or do I still have to do those things?
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  Do I still need validation from somebody else by being a people pleaser?
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  Okay. So you might still be a mom and yet things are gonna shift.
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  Like permissions to your
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  Right. I can
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  be a mom, right? Can I give myself permission to also think about myself
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  and my needs?
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  Hmm. Yeah.
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  Right? Does every single penny that I scrape together have to go towards
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  the kids' softball?
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  Right.
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  Right, can I also say, you know what?
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  Mom needs these things. I need these things.
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  I would like to have a massage.
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  I would like to buy some nice makeup or I would like to go to a conference
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  or a retreat. Right. We talk about that all the time of,
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  you know, the retreat isn't simply about inviting women together.
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  It's also about making space for you to ask yourself the hard questions,
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  right? Which is one of the things that we talk about the retreats is,
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  you know, we we have a workbook.
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  And we ask the questions and what are your thoughts about these questions?
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  No one else there to answer them for you.
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  You get to be raw and d I think that's I wanna give you permission ~ no I want,
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  right? It's not my job to give you anything,
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  but it's allowing yourself permission to be raw with yourself.
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  Absolutely.
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  I think you make a good point though.
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  So right, it's not up to you to grant the permission and it sounds like
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  too though you're having an opportunity for people to have a safe place
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  to give themselves permission.
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  And it sounds like
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  Yes.
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  that's what you did with your talk at this conference.
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  Yeah, so incredible.
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  Yes.
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  I I can't remember, I know you had told me,
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  was this a two day event or th I can't remember how many days it was.
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  It was technically three days.
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  ~ but the second day was more like a social hour,
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  where people at the conference could come together and they they showed
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  us around London and ~ let us explore and have conversations on that day.
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  Okay.
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  but the first day was more in person.
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  So we were in the conference room,
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  we did the talk, and then the third day was virtual.
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  Alright, and I love also that you brought up that your presentation,
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  that your slides were more visual than words.
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  And I just think that's so beautiful,
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  Tiffanie I think that even in coaching people we we talk and sometimes
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  it is this visual image that can create such a shift.
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  And I don't know that that's always ~ thought about really.
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  So I'm so grateful that you
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  Considered that and took it with you and made such an impact with
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  the people that were in the audience.
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  Yeah, I I I think of it as like going to an art museum,
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  right? How many people are actually talking
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  Hmm. ~
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  at an art museum, right? It's about your experience with the image
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  and about the canvas or the the whatever the the art piece might be.
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  It's about your experience with them,
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  right? Am I feeling something?
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  Is it is it giving me an energy?
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  Am I
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  what is my transaction with this thing?
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  And and I think that's what I'm trying to do with my images.
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  And now I I make these TikTok videos and the TikTok videos aren't some encompassing
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  idea that you can't get anywhere else,
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  but I want you to be impacted by the imagery,
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  right? Do you see yourself in this person and then engage with it?
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  because I do create like videos,
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  animation videos,
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  And those the same kind of imagery that I brought into my workbook,
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  and it's the same imagery that I brought into my presentation.
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  not only for consistency, but there are no other people in these images,
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  right? Almost all of them are a singular person because you're only
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  in control of yourself. You only have yourself really to figure that out,
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  right? It's not your job as a woman to figure everybody else out,
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  even though we do carry a lot of that.
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  emotional labor and physical labor in some cases,
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  you actually can put a lot of that down and and really because once
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  you are aligned and we I know we talked about this earlier,
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  once you're aligned, my body, spirit,
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  everything else seems to go into place and it's kind of mystical
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  and hard to explain. ~
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  It is. Yes.
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  it it just is, it really is. but I will tell you one the things I really loved about
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  going to this ~ conference is that it was academic.
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  And so I was able to approach identity through a psychological lens.
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  And it even helped support me even further in my convictions of what coaching is.
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  Love it.
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  Yeah.
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  So good. And I'm so glad you brought up workbook.
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  ~ I know the RE:YOU Method, you do have a workbook,
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  and it is available on the Live Life Fully website.
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  So I'm so glad you brought that up so that we could even mention that.
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  But at llfully.com and go to the shop,
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  it's there. It's available for people to take a deeper dive.
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  And then I know, of course, with
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  you being a certified Live Life Fully coach and using the Live With Intention
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  Curriculum you can also people have an opportunity to take a deeper dive with
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  you one on one as their as their coach,
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  which I think is incredible.
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  Yes.
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  Yes. And all the things.
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  Yes.
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  So Tiffany, I would love for you to give people like three nuggets that
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  you want them to end this podcast today to stop listening and to go with their
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  day on with their day with three nuggets.
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  What would those three nuggets be?
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  ~ I think the number one nugget would have to be around awareness.
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  And awareness meaning when when you are faced with a decision,
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  pause. Pause for just a second and say,
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  Is this my voice that's making this decision,
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  or is this somebody else's voice?
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  Is this a I have to, I need to,
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  or I want to. Right?
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  That's I think that's a really big one for me ~ with decision making.
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  the second one is again with someone very wise always tells me every time
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  I get on phone with her, ~ what are you the most excited about?
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  Yeah.
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  And I think asking yourself that question also helps push you forward,
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  right? It moves you in a direction that is going to be positive and growth mindset.
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  Because if I'm excited about something that's happening next week,
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  what am I doing to prepare for that?
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  How am I making
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  Yes. Yes,
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  space for it?
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  yes, yes.
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  And then the last one kind of comes back to permission,
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  but giving yourself permission to pause again before saying the thing
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  out loud and saying, you know,
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  giving yourself permission to say,
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  you know, let me think on that.
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  You don't have to give the answer immediately for whatever it is,
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  right? You can also ask for time,
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  especially if you're not yet confident or secure.
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  In saying that because it does take time,
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  you know, like making change in your identity takes time.
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  And you want to say it with your whole body,
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  you want to say it with your whole heart.
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  And until you're there, it's okay to give to ask,
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  hey, I would like a couple of minutes to think about this,
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  or I need some time to really reflect on,
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  or let me check my schedule. Let me just see if it's possible before promising your
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  life away to somebody.
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  Yes.
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  ~
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  because because then you you you you build up shame and and regret if
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  you have to backtrack. And we we don't wanna we wanna push forward.
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  We don't we don't wanna look back,
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  we wanna push forward. So
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  Love that. And I love that the pause,
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  because the pause and considering yourself,
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  considering all things that you can think of at the time with what you have,
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  it's a way to build confidence because you'll feel more confident
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  in the decision that you're making.
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  So I love that you talk about that permission to pause.
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  P2P.
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  Yes.
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  And you know, most people are okay with that.
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  Right?
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  Yes.
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  They would rather you take a few minutes,
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  walk away if you have to and come back than to lie or backtrack or backpedal,
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  Yeah.
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  however you want to name it, right?
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  They would rather you take a moment,
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  right?
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  Absolutely.
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  It protects yourself and it protects those around you,
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  right?
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  Yes. So good. So good. I'm super excited about your rey method.
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  I I personally have read it, I've gone through it.
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  I think it's incredible. And I encourage everyone to take a look.
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  And then also if you're curious about what it would be like to work with Tiffany
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  as a certified Live Life Fully coach,
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  go to the website again, llfully.com,
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  find Tiffany and click Schedule a Clarity Call.
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  And you can have a 20-minute phone call with her that and then decide if
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  you want to move forward. If so,
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  then you would have another call and that call would be an hour.
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  That's a strategy call. And both are free.
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  Both are free. No obligation. See what comes up for you.
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  See where you want your life to go.
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  Gain a little nugget of clarity and see what happens next.
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  Yeah, thank you so much, Tiffany,
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  for coming on and sharing with us about your trip to London,
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  presenting the connections you made,
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  really this deeper understanding that it is an international thing
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  and that women matter and our identity matters.
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  And so I do appreciate you sharing and I appreciate you creating the Ryu method.
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  Absolutely.
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  And thank
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  you for having me and thank you for allowing me to to come on here
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  and speak about it because I am extremely passionate about identity
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  and women and living authentically.
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  So good. So good. Thank you.
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  All right everyone. Thank you for joining Candid Coach Conversations.
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  We look forward to talking with you again soon.
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  Get your ticket for the upcoming retreat october third.
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  Remember to live life fully and enjoy every moment.