Latest / Relationship Coaching Group Podcast / Managing Finances Together

Transcript

Managing Finances Together · Relationship Coaching Group Podcast

• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Relationship Coaching Group Podcast.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Whether this is your first visit or have been following us, don't forget to download this podcast to reference later because we keep it real.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: With scenarios, tips, and suggestions, everything relationship centered.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, I'm Roxanne, your relationship coach and host, along with my co-host, the professor.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: And together we've been coaching couples and singles for over 20 years, and we're here to work with you.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: So get ready for today's podcast because we're going to be talking about managing finances together.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: And before we do, I want to welcome the professor.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, professor.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: Good day to you.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: You know this is one of my favorite topics.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: You've had many sessions.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, finance is one of my specialties.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I actually teach a class on this: managing your money together.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Lay it on me what you got.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I just want to again thank the our wonderful followers.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for all uh the kindness.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for supporting us.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: We really do appreciate it.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_02: And just to remind you guys that this podcast is none of our podcasts are rehearsed or any of that.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: When when Roxanne approached me with this, she said, I want to keep this real.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to filter out anything.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: So we don't edit, we don't filter out nothing.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: We want this to be real.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't know the topics beforehand.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um soon as I walk in, I sit down.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: When she's reading it off to you, is when I find out.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: And we wanted to do that so that we we don't have we we're giving to you the way that if you were sitting in our location and we were talking to you one-on-one, because we want to make this personal to you.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: And this can be a really long session, but we're we're gonna have to break this up into parts.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: This is part one.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: This is part one because there's gonna be probably 10 parts to this.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're gonna try to consolidate some of the uh a lot of the information in this.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: So here we go.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: So we're so we're talking about managing finances together.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: The first thing that we we want to share is an honest communication about income, about debt, and about the goals.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: It it helps build the trust with within the relationship.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you go into a relationship and you don't know um if you don't know your partner's income or debt, they may have they may have three bankruptcies under their belt.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And they may not have any any goals of any any sort to uh about saving or what have you.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: So honest communication about about that income and that and goals can build the trust with each other.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you agree, Professor?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: One other thing is that oh, so many relationships suffer over money.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, that's if you're into a relationship and then it gets serious and you're gonna start looking at being together, maybe moving in together, there needs to be some pre-financial talk.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: First off, you know, make sure that you don't have debts.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you're both going into a relationship with debt, yeah.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if you've got a student loan, yeah, okay.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: That takes a while to pay off.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: But if you've got credit card debt, you've got you know, car notes that you're paying for, or you've got bankruptcies, all that needs to be shared.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, definitely.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_02: Because it interferes with growth.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of people bypass this because they don't feel like it's well, it's my debt.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: I you don't need to know it affects both of you.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, especially if you're going into a relationship.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that needs to be talked about and a lot of don't, right, Professor?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: They don't.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is the talk about finding this that it's tantamount.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: Tambo, yes.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: Because it it's this thing where, well, you don't have to worry, you know, you do you, I do me.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, if you're in a relationship together and you're paying rent or mortgage or whatever, well, actually, I'm just gonna say rent.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because what happens is is you get into a relationship, you get a place together, and then after a couple of months, one of you can't pay the rent.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: The burden is on the other person.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: Now you've got this bigger apartment because you wanted a bigger apartment, as opposed to if you were single, you would have got a smaller place.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: And and I've had sessions where they go into, again, as you said, they go into uh um rental and they talk about okay, you pay half, you pay half.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then three months later, somebody loses a job.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: So the burden is all on one person.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_02: So you yeah, that you have to communicate that before you even go looking for a place.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: If you're gonna play house, play house properly.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: That means you need to know financial situation.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not talking about on the first date, what's you know, let me see your bank records.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: I want a credit check.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's not what I'm saying.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: Please do not take that and run with it because there's always gonna be somebody.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: What I'm saying is down the road when you decide that you're going to take it to the next level, moving together, then you need to sit down your conversations, go get a cup of coffee and lay it on the table.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: I've got these credit card debts, I've got these car notes, and so on.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And be honest.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And as I said, yeah, honest communication about the income and debt, and and what that needs to be discussed.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: When you're deciding to come together.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: When you come together and you come into a couple.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we're gonna touch on this one we had to say later, and that is couples love moving in with each other within a matter of weeks.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: Or, you know, come move in or come over.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's a bad thing because there needs to be time to grow together.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: And then when you're ready, you get a place together.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: So you're both on the lease.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you've moved someone in and they're not paying their share or they decide that, you know what, I'm gonna take off, you're still stuck with the lease.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: So it wouldn't it be good to make sure, because you're not married, now if you're married, that's a whole different ballgame.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: But as uh individual sing you know, single people coming together as a couple and getting a place together, kind of make sure well first make sure that each have a stable job.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Stable income coming in.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where getting to know one another comes in.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then uh kind of make sure you'll be able to handle that.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: If it's a lease, make sure you'll be able to handle that by yourself because anything could happen once come together.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: You may not like the person snoring.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's gotta go guiding us.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: So make sure if you're on the lease that uh that you can handle it by yourself or have a good landlord that may be kind and let you off.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and work with you.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: Trust me, muscle animals today not gonna let you off because I'm not letting anybody off.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: But anyway, um you you have to have that communication.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: If you don't, you will pay for it in the end.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_02: We have seen that so often where one bails because they don't want to be in a relationship and you're stuck with the debt.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: So make sure that if you're moving, they're on the lease, they're named on the lease, so they're responsible.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_02: Responsible, yes.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: Once you've got to that point and you've determined that you're financially and that you can handle this grown up part of your life of being in a relationship together, then you're gonna look at how you're gonna pay the bills.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that's and my next point is allocating funds for fixed expenses, such as rent, uh mortgage, groceries, entertainment, based on each other's income.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: Here's the thing.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: Cause I know we're gonna I'm gonna get some messages.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: Well, he's the man, he should be paying the bills.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: You're not married.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's to the point.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Stranger.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Professor.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: Uh listen.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: We keep it real.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: We do, we keep it real.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: You're not married.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: So don't tell me about, well, he's the man, he needs to pay the rent, he needs to do all this.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_02: You're roommates with benefits.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: Well, plain and simple.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know, i I get tired of people saying, well, we're we're we're we're together.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're or he's the man, he should be paying the rent.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_02: He should be paying more.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: You should be able to pay the rent by yourself.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: When you're together, you have an account.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: Open the join account.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, that's who we're getting into next.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_02: Open the join account.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_02: Once that join account is open in both of your names, you uh you can do um that's what automatic.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: You can put your put your monies in for bills.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: So if you know the rent is, you know,$2,000 and that's a thousand dollars for each of you.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: If it's the the uh light in the internet and cable is a hundred bucks, it's fifty bucks a piece.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: Everything you split down in the middle, right, you put it into the account.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: And you want to put enough money in the account so that if something happens, like we had covers, you know, I like to call it the holy crap account, you know, so that you have backup.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_02: And both of you should put extra in there.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: Both of you should monitor it so that way each person is uh putting their stuff in.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: And if one person doesn't put their money in, then you should just say, you know, what's happening?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: You know, do what's happening?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: You hand bunch of it.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: And and if that isn't in there and you go, Oh, well, you know, I'm kind of short this month, no, address that right away.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: Talk about it.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: And if they can't pay the rent, then you need to have a written, I'm going to pay it, or they need to make something with the landlord, not through you.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you start covering, then that covering goes another month.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: Another month.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Don't start off relationship.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, as you said, you know, as you know, that's you know, it's a marriage situation, but when you're not, then it it really, really strains the.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: If you're just living it together, it just ruins your benefits.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: You're not married.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: Don't expect the man to pay the bills and all that stuff.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_02: It it's neither one of you have any security.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: Don't share your personal accounts with each other.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you put all your money together in one account and someone.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: No, you don't want to do that.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: You don't want to do that.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_02: Do not.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: No, we have seen that.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: Uh there was a lovely young lady, they put all their money into one account, and he met someone and wiped the account out.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: Took it totally, and she was left with nothing.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it happens.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So you should be beautiful.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're not married.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Uh don't you know, don't subject yourself to those.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: Even if you're married, I still recommend having an account for the bills and everything to be paid household, stuff like that.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_02: And it's you should have your own, even if you're married, you should have your own personal accounts because you might want to buy something for your partner.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: And you don't want them to, you know, the your phone, their phone will go off and then you're at the flower shop and they go, Oh, he bought me flowers.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: There's no secret.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot do you know a lot of couples resent that suggestion?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: They I it's why what you you're grown.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: You're grown, and there's some things that you may want to, you're both working, or maybe even one spouse is carrying the load and is giving the spouse uh an allowance or what have you.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, if you have it like that, that's great.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know that women are the number one rejections of having separate accounts?
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_02: They they want the man's money to be mingled with their money.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, it's uh No.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is 2026, right?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: So you you have to have some type of even married, you still have should have some type of uh independence in terms of your your fine, if you're working to have and I'm not saying My mother, I love my mother because I learned a lot.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: And that is when you have my mother used to keep an account for herself because she always says that if any day that my husband has enough and he's done, I'm not left without enough.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: And my mother would pull from that money for the house to pay bills or whatever.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: But they also they also had a holy crap account.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: They had a bill account, and that's how I learned was from my mother.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: I yeah, I have my own personal account, and husband has his.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Mine.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Then we have the joint.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, and again, I I may want to buy something for myself.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's fine.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't have to go to him.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: I need I need three hundred dollars, you know, uh to get my hair done, Lanaos and and Manny Patty.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: Three hundred dollars for your hair, I could do it.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, many patty and maybe even a new outfit.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't have to go, I don't know and we have a joint and he has his independence.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right, and he has his his account as well.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: So we're looking at um again, having a joint account where we both have access and a separate account for personal expenses while using the joint account for sh the shared cost, as we went over.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you you do have shared shared expenses if married or couple, um you still have shared expenses if you live together.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: So um, and uh I don't think anything's wrong with that.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: As a married couple, I don't see anything wrong with having my own account.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: So many people book that.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_02: They do, and there's nothing wrong with it because you aren't hiding anything from each other.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: You can have anybody on account has um uh lust uh they don't have access to your account per se, but if anything happens, if anything happens, and I would be able to benefit.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and so you're named on the account.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_02: So if something happens to your partner, if you they have access, so you know to go through probate and all that stuff, you can just go to account and get what you need.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: But having an account separate still keeps you independent.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: And what I mean by that is it doesn't make you that you're not married or in a relationship, but it still keeps you to be able to have a little bit of privacy.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: So if you would like to want to buy something for yourself, it's your money.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: Same with a guy.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_02: But as long as you have a joint account where you put money in and business, right?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: It also should have, as a married couple, you should have a joint account for vacation.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: You should have a joint account for holy crap and uh maybe account for car or whatever.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: For big big expenses, yes.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_02: And then whatever's left over you have in your account and that you because if you want to buy your wife flowers or whatever, you don't want her knowing that you're buying.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Where her phone beans, oh, he's at the flower shop.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, he's getting me flowers.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: So um in building an emergency fund, saving, as you said, maybe even having a separate, what you call it a holy one?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: Holy crap, but well, holy SCM, but yeah, I call it holy crap.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: To save three to six months of living expenses for the unexpected.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Three to six months.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because if the more the better, right, Professor.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: If I don't know if I can say the word, but you know what just happened, the C word, the cove word.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when that happened, a lot of people were in trouble.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: In trouble.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Even though uh the landlords were expected to hold you know, or wave or what have you, some questions.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but still you've got to have that fallback money.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I I know I'm gonna hear a lot of people say, well, you know, um, I only make this much money, I only have that much money.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_02: You know how many times I hear that and I tell couples, coming in with with your what you spend and everything else.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I ask them, when we begin this journey of financial, uh, they bring in a sheet of all what they spend.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I can't tell you some of the stuff that people spend money on is ridiculous.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: Couples spending both of them to go to Starbucks every single time.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: And that's what, about eight dollars a a pa for a so you're spending sixteen, twenty dollars caramel, macky baki, baki olos or whatever else they think for.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: But you you you spend twenty bucks a day, both of you, you know, uh together on coffee.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that twenty dollars can add up.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_02: Can add up farms.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: So I had this couple take, stop getting coffee, do coffee at home.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: I I I've found a cappuccino machine on um marketplace, told them to get this, make your own coffee at home.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, made them take that money that they used for coffee and invested it.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_02: And here they are now doing well.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: So it's simple things and discipline with discipline.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: And what we've said always before, communicating together.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, honest communication.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Honest communication.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then we we look at um maybe even having assigned responsibility.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: You kind of touched on that uh earlier, Professor, where maybe somebody's responsible for paying bills, but as you mentioned, having um automatic withdrawal from that account to make sure those bills are paid.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: And making sure both parties are monitoring that account as well.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because somebody could say, uh I've I've had I've had a case where the uh one of the partners was giving the other part, I won't say you know, male looking, but one of the parties was giving the other partners their their half of the rent.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: That other partner was taking that money going again, well, wasn't even good.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that went on for months until notice came that they were defaulting on their rent.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so monitor, don't be afraid to monitor that that joint account.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: There is these banks offer so much notifications.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: Turn them on.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: Because these banks have notifications that we tr we travel.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: And you have uh bank accounts.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_02: I can use a credit card and it deems me the moment that there's a charge made, the moment something happens in my account.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: Turn those features on.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of people don't know that.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: Turn those features on.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: Your bank is telling you exactly how much is you're spending and what's happening.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: Turn them on.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: Look at your account on a daily basis.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Or just go online.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now you go online.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you may be at work.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna just check check it.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: Check it.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Will you have many ways to check your account?
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: Stop using your phone for Snapchat, Snap, Snappy Chat, and the facey book and all that stuff.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_02: Put the banking app on there.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_02: When you're taking a five-minute break and work, go and look at look at the account, make sure everything's good.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: And and bills are being paid.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, if you put it on automatic uh you won't have automatic pay, you won't have to track uh try to make sure the bills are paid.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because you again, you get notices for that as well.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: When that um when that account that or that Bill is being paid.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: You have notice.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: So and you know, track the spending and make sure you guys aren't even in your own personal accounts, make sure you're not spending too much.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: Then when it comes time to paying rent, I'm a little short because I spend too much on uh coffee at Starbucks or And that and that's one of the things is when couples are in a relationship and they start living together, they take liberties.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm gonna go ahead and get this.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they can they can cover for.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: I might be$300,$400 short.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: I might be a couple hundred, they'll they'll cover for no.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a fear.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's not unless it's agreed upon.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: If you if somebody do, then you say to your partner, hey, listen, uh, I need to get a new uh camera or a new thing from a laptop or whatever it may be.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but it's cost a little bit more than uh and I need it to do work.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna be$100 short.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_02: Could you communicate?
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_02: Communicate.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_02: Communicate.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: And if the other person says, I can't afford it, then you say, okay, great.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate you know, thank you.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_02: And don't make a big deal out of it, because maybe they can't afford to do it for you.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_02: You've got to be responsible for your own stuff.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly, exactly.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know the expenses coming up.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: And also having you mentioned a couple of hack little separate accounts, you can even have start a little account where you put each, like you said, twenty dollars a month in an account and when it goes up.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can they can maybe invest whether you can invest with twenty dollars.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: And that's the problem, is that everybody thinks, oh, I can have big money to invest.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: No, you can s invest with a little bit of money.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_02: You just keep repeating that.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_02: Keep repeating it.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: And you'll before you know it, you'll be you'll be shot.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or put it in a high yield account or or what have you.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um I don't know, you know, it means if if you're not married, I don't know how that would work on the evidence if you both have an uh on the investment account.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: Or even as an investment account, you both can be on it and you can actually arrange with the uh investment company, even some banks.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_02: You can uh um that inventory signatures, yes, you can do that.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: Just just protect you.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's a matter of protecting themselves.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's just remember, no relationship is forever.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: And in today's society, we have made it so easy for someone to see the grass is greener on the other side.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: And why we're here is to help relationships grow respectfully.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: And we want you to be successful at it.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's why that's being in a relationship shouldn't be a punishment.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_02: It should be a joy.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it should be, yes.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then um I have here um making large purchases, that's this when you make a large purchase, that requires a smart guide.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: S N-A-R-T.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's an acronym for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: So um you should you should know before you move.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: Say that one more time, because I want people to hear it.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: Let's say that again.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, making a large purchase requires a smart guide, and that's specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Where each party should know what it is.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely one party wanna buy a low Corvette, a 1964 convertible Corvette.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: Did they make it back there?
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_02: You know about you know about cars.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, but um I guess you want it in red.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, of course.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's gotta be a red convertible Corvette.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: And they they have a good uh a good deal on it, and they just buy it without the other partner knowing, whether married or not.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: But even married couples go out and buy large purchases.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta come in.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, are you kidding me?
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: The other party is just blown away that the their spouse or partner would make would do something like that.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then that causes a big rift because things won't get paid in some cases.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: In some cases.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: So I upgraded my laptop and I went to a powerhouse laptop.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_02: $2,000 laptop.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't just go out and buy it.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: I researched it.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: I discussed it with my partner to say, hey, look, this is what I'm looking at getting.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think?
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_02: What's your opinion?
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: Because the money that we have is together.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_02: We talk about it.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_02: Definitely.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_02: I don't just go out.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a tech junkie.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know that.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I love it.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: I will I have so much tech stuff.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_02: If there's a tech to fix my life, I'm using it.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_02: But again, we have to have communication.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: You can't just go out and buy a brand new Corvette and come, look, honey, look what I got.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_02: No, you can't do that.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: No, there has to be a shared uh uh agreement of said purchase, whatever it is.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: It could be a it could even be a TV.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I want a larger TV.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna go out and buy it.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it's uh$1,200.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now TVs are really reasonable, but it's a$1,200 uh expense.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: I need to go to my my partner, spouse, or otherwise, and say this is what I want to get.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe even come to terms where both put in for the$1,200 T television.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or the or the rated convertible Corvette.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_02: And this will be in another podcast.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_02: We'll we'll discuss this in part two of this one.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_02: And that is when you're dating, do not co-sign.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: Ah no.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_02: Do not co-sign.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: You're not married.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: No, don't co-sign.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you co-sign for a car or a TV or a boat or a yacht or a plane, do not.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, actually, I I don't I don't I don't um suggest cosigning for anyone, to be honest.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: To be honest.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: I I neither do I.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_02: I this is children or otherwise.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, because no, here's the thing.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_02: When you co-sign for, and a lot of people don't understand this, is that when you co-sign for somebody, you're responsible.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: You you're saying I'll be responsible and they can't handle the and I had a guy, he co-signed for his girlfriend's car.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: And when she went off in the car, yeah, she she went off with an with someone else.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, with the car.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: With the car.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: It was like a year later.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: And he stuck with the car because she wasn't paying for it.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, they reproved it, he had to pay and deal with all that stuff.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_02: And what did you get of it?
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_02: That I do not believe in co-signing.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_02: If you can't afford it yourself, then you shouldn't be getting right.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_02: So co-signing, and I know I'm gonna hear some flack from people.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it helps us say no, it doesn't help you, nothing.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: Because when you cosign, it ties your credit up as well.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's on your credit.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_02: And credit is everything.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_02: Used to be 620, 7, you were decent, you know.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_02: Now, with everything that's going on, mortgage, car, they want people 750 and above.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I mentioned with the the smart goal, the one of the is the the timing.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: The time balance.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Is it the right time to make that big purchase?
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: Do you really need a red convertible 1964 Corvette?
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: Do you need a or a Toyota Corolla?
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_02: Which is what you want can you afford?
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_02: A Corvette or a Toyota Corolla?
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_02: And Toyota's not finding is not uh sponsoring us, but yeah.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: They can.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_02: They can if they want.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: But um and what and what about how how what's the larger size TV?
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're you're the gadget.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_02: 80, 100 inch TVs.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: How how 80, 100 inch?
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, that's big.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: So do we need you know, is do we really need we have a 64 inch.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Do we need a 84 or 100 inch TV?
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: Timing.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, uh you you may have just purchased a house and you want a big thing.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_02: So the the timing is everything.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_02: I always tell people there's a difference between wanting and needing.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_02: I for example, I'll go on Amazon and I'll put a bunch of stuff in my basket.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I guarantee over time, I will whittle it down because I don't croach us on impulse.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_02: I will whittle it down.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, you know, I really look like this, but do I need it?
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_02: And who taught you that?
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: Who taught you the one in me?
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_02: My mama.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, really?
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_02: So mom.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_02: So when I'm in my my Amazon basket, I'm looking at all the things.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_02: So this is what I want, this is what I need.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_02: I have to figure out what goes and when stays.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what goes on what stays.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes it will sit in that basket for a week, two weeks, a month, until maybe I'll, you know, I'm like, okay, you know what?
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna wait and see where the pricing goes.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'll walk through a store.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: And listeners, please use this to your advantage.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'll walk through a store, I'll pick up a beautiful blouse on display, gorgeous, but do I need it?
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: I love it, I would want it, but do I need it?
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be smart, especially in today, things are the uh uh economies rising with the prices of gas, food, even uh even housing.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: So just be smart about them.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: Do can you live without it?
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't have those nice red bottoms because you can't afford it right now, where you live, where you still live.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_02: And when you know, locked up on my laptop, I was trying to convince myself, no, I'm gonna get cheaper.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_02: But then I realized I have to do a lot of editing, video, stuff like that.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_02: I need something can handle it.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_02: But I had to talk myself into it because I was talking myself out of it.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's just as this is something you really need.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_02: That's crazy.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_02: Because I don't like spending money.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know, but again, look at what you need in your life.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_02: And what just there's a difference between one and need.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_02: And don't co-sign.
• 33:56
  unknown: Right.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_02: Don't co-sign this.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna we're gonna end this because we could be all day.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we're gonna have episode twos.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: So to sum this up, managing money as a couple isn't just about the amount in the bank, it's about the values and trust you build together.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now we've discussed how um open money talks can turn stressful financial pressures into constructive dialogue.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: By setting shared financial goals, whether it's saving for a home, a car, planning a dream vacation, or some other big item or event, you aren't just managing expenses.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_00: You're designing a future as equal partners.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: So remember, financial intimacy is the foundation of a secure relationship.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it starts with the courage to be honest about your financial hopes and your financial fears.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, Professor I'm Battenote, do you have any last words for our listeners?
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we are always open to anyone that wants to join in on a podcast, we'll send you a link.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_02: You can come in and join in on the podcast.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_02: We're happy to have you.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_02: And um big shout out to again all our wonderful supporters and everything.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_02: We thank you, listeners.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, thank you so much.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_02: As I sign off, make sure that you ask your partner before you move in, what are their financial status?
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_02: Can they afford to live with you?
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_02: That's good.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_02: Because if they can't afford to live with you, that means you gotta support them.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, yes.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: And if somebody about that, be careful.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_02: And if someone wants to message me and tell me that, well, they're the man they're gonna pay the rent, you're not married.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I'm gonna tell you.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_02: You're not gonna like it, but you're not married.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_02: When you're married, it's different.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_02: Because there are there is there's a more expectation and there are there are barriers, there's things to protect one another in marriage.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you can go to court and you those all the things.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_02: But there's no protection when you are just dating.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_02: And any good secure man will not income intermingle his money with you because when you're ready to leave, you can then wipe him out.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_02: Or vice versa.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_02: Or vice versa.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, so you know if you're a sensible person, you have to understand that you are just living together.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_02: And do not cosign again with the cosign of the case.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_02: Because you have no idea the disaster that is causing.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: We've seen it over and over.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_02: We've seen it.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: I have I've had men and women come into my office with tears.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_02: That everything they work for is gone.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_02: Do not cosign.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: Love you guys.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you for being a part of the relationship coaching group community today.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if today's conversation resonated with you, remember that strong relationships don't just happen.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_00: They're built with awareness, communication, and the courage to grow together.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: And if you enjoyed this episode, please make sure to follow the podcast so you don't miss future conversations about dating, relationships, emotional growth, and building deeper connection.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_00: And if you know someone who might benefit from today's topic, share this episode with them.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: And you can find us at relationshipcoaching group.com.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: And until the next time, speak your needs clearly, listen without interrupting, and remember, you're not alone.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: Together, we got this.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: We got you.