Latest / Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast / Season One, Episode 36: Ichorthorn Pt. 2: Come for S'more

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Season One, Episode 36: Ichorthorn Pt. 2: Come for S'more · Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast

0:00
Greedy scum. Welcome to flail the face.
0:02
I'm Kevin. I'm still in the big boy chair
0:06
and I'm surrounded by these lunatics.
0:09
Hello. Hello, my name is Levi, I'm
0:12
playing Phil. I'm Thomas, I'm playing Quill
0:15
Knock. And I'm Walt, and I'm in the
0:17
high. Chair and I'm Jake and I'm in
0:21
the low chair. I guess we flail, flail, flail.
0:24
Flail. Last we left these guys, they
0:53
got to Eiger, Thorne met up with Roxik and town leader erm, Phil
0:59
decided to make his presence known and his demands for Dino
1:04
Nuggies known. They end up going back to the
1:07
house that the Arch rogue has inherited, found somebody
1:10
squatting in there, quickly took care of that and woke.
1:14
Woke up to the town screaming bloody myrrh that all the
1:17
children are gone and everybody focusing on the new people in
1:21
town. Proxy and Grin tried to
1:24
facilitate between erm and the party and Cephalus Syphilis
1:31
volunteered that the party to go into the the forest of Star Cash
1:36
to try to find the lost and or abducted children.
1:40
After days travel they got into the forest and found themselves
1:44
at a crossroads and then camped for the night and that's where
1:47
we left them. So day has broke, you know.
1:51
What that means? I mean, yeah, we know what that
1:53
means. We.
1:55
Roll that misery. Somebody roll AD 20.
1:58
It's AD 20. Oh, I'll touch AD 20.
2:00
That's like way more changes for me not to fuck up right?
2:04
Why am I afraid? Natural 20.
2:08
I started to, yeah, the moment I heard natural, I'm like, yeah.
2:13
And it's over. Sorry kids.
2:18
Yeah, surprise. All right, so you guys avoided a
2:21
misery. Now it's time to roll the
2:24
weather. See what the weather's going to
2:26
look like. Somebody roll A12 side.
2:29
That's a 7. You guys are actually woken up
2:31
by another thunderous cloud burst, rain pouring down on you.
2:37
I'm. Good, I have a tent.
2:39
Perfect. And it's it's really starting to
2:42
completely flood the area that you guys are in, making it
2:46
really hard to figure out which way to go.
2:50
You guys did have two paths, one to the left and one to the other
2:55
way. Which way would you guys like to
2:57
go? The rain running through the
3:01
crevices on my face feel, feel like it, you know, wet in the
3:05
dry canyons. It's very nice.
3:08
Maybe they can get rid of some of those oozing parts of your
3:13
body. Maybe I'm not too worried about
3:16
that, but I know one thing. We don't go the other way.
3:19
Never right feel. Oh yeah, we always go left.
3:24
Right. Correct.
3:25
Sometimes we go into a lot of circles.
3:28
We got lost quite a bit. Right.
3:31
It's, it's easier on the way you're going to take a left than
3:33
it is to take a right because the, the fucking, the physics of
3:37
the body is in the back. And that just becomes a natural
3:41
thing of habit for us to be. The way we work.
3:43
You load the bias for you the left.
3:46
Yeah, we should probably just be going then.
3:49
OK, Yeah. All right, so you guys head to
3:51
the left, trudging through the muck in the mud, trying not to
3:56
trip over the overgrown root system.
4:00
After about four or five hours, you guys come to another
4:05
clearing that opens up just a little bit.
4:08
Somebody roll me AD 43. Go ahead and roll me AD 3.
4:13
Do you guys hear that? It's the sound of random chance
4:15
happening. Strangest thing?
4:19
I got a 2. Two what?
4:21
Snake eyes perfect. And now everybody roll me AD 12.
4:25
Oh. Boy, all the ones I have a 11.
4:29
I got a nine. All right.
4:31
And what'd you get there? Well.
4:33
Fine, just said you died. It's weird.
4:36
Oh, that's these dice. I also got an 11.
4:39
All right. So do do you guys think this
4:41
rain's ever going to stop? It's really hard to burn
4:43
anything this much water around. Oh, it's good to keep the metal
4:47
on my armor shiny. Yeah, and maybe get a little
4:50
that crusty ass rag. You know, for some reason, look
4:54
at it, it sticks out like a pole.
4:56
Fucking taint is water. Always hard.
4:58
Yeah, gross. You want to touch it.
5:00
No, absolutely not. It's not that bad.
5:03
It's a great canopy. Yeah, no, fantastic.
5:06
Nope. Sounds like a bunch of Lincoln
5:08
Logs rolling around together when you move it though.
5:11
As you guys get into this clearing, you notice that there
5:13
seems to be two small mammals tearing apart a body, something
5:18
they haunted down. But you'll notice that even
5:20
though they're like small mammal creatures, they have these weird
5:24
malformed, knotted up antlers. And upon further inspection, you
5:29
notice that there doesn't seem to be a lot of fur, like it's
5:32
kind of patchy fur, but you can kind of see through the skin,
5:36
kind of see like like organs and stuff through it.
5:39
And they really haven't taken much notice to you.
5:41
They're about the size of a fox and they're just kind of ripping
5:44
apart with a bird. Cephalus.
5:46
Those look like jackalopes, yeah.
5:49
Pain. Getting kind of hungry too.
5:51
Go get it. What you mean look at me boy,
5:54
I'm all broken. Busted.
5:56
I got 1. Hand to throw.
5:57
I'm going to try to throw him at a Jackal.
5:59
Good. Not put me down.
6:01
Yeah, that's frankly less of a loss if he goes and dies trying
6:04
to fight these things. Hey, I'm.
6:06
Going to try to recently fucking possibly wiggle my way out of
6:11
his. Ted Buddy who Peck his eyes.
6:14
Ted Buddy's on breast pit right now.
6:16
No, he's good. You healed him.
6:18
I am not putting him in any danger at this moment.
6:20
Hold on. I guess opposing drink checks.
6:24
Oh God, can I? Got a 14.
6:26
Can I change my mind? I just.
6:29
Look at my statue. Oh God.
6:32
You got a OK, that's a six. All right, I got a 14.
6:37
OK, what do you do then? I'm.
6:40
I'm going to just Chuck up at the the Jackalope creature.
6:44
When did? OK, become an asshole.
6:50
Quolox had a rough go of it. I know.
6:52
What the fuck? All right, I guess you pick up
6:54
Cephalus and you throw it at these weird transparent flesh
6:58
antlers. I will fasten.
7:00
Your. Eyes boy, put me down.
7:03
And as you throw them and as phallus is in or syphilis,
7:07
whatever your name is, is in midair, you'll notice that both
7:10
of these fox type creatures turn their attention to you and they
7:13
have roughly about six or seven eyes on their head and they kind
7:18
of scamper back and you basically land on what they were
7:21
eating. Cool.
7:24
That was equal parts unexpected and horrifying.
7:27
Let's see what happens next. That was great form though,
7:30
honestly. God, they got so.
7:31
Many damn. Eyes.
7:32
Holy fuck I don't think I've seen this before.
7:36
You've spooked them, is what you have.
7:37
So they're kind of just standing there on edge, all eyes open,
7:41
and they're they're just petrified in fear.
7:44
I've got my cat of nine. I pulled my cat of nine tails
7:47
out. I used to work in the circus
7:49
too, boys. You better get back right now.
7:52
And I. Whip it in front of them and try
7:54
to spook them away. OK, go ahead And I guess make a
7:59
presence test. What do I need?
8:02
Standard 12. OK, I use an omen to reach that.
8:06
Do you? You OK?
8:11
So spine omen. No, no kidding.
8:16
Please do it No. So it's.
8:20
Hard to get rid of crack loss. You crack your cat of nine tails
8:25
and they back up, eyes even bigger and they open their
8:29
mouths and you there's a weird hiss but they haven't done
8:33
anything yet. They're just kind of hissing at
8:34
you. I open my mouth 1/2 inch and
8:36
hiss back. Maybe it's better to back up?
8:40
Well, yeah, I'm going to try to keep back it away from them, but
8:43
fuck these things. I'm about to give Quill Knock my
8:46
beady little fist. So are you picking yourself up
8:51
and backing up? Yeah, while doing a little whip
8:54
crack. That's my move.
8:56
What's the thing you touch that that we're eating?
8:59
I don't know, it's just a dead. I'm not focused on that, just on
9:02
not getting eaten by these weird jackalope rabbits.
9:05
So they'll kind of just like hiss at you kind of move forward
9:08
a little bit. Every time you crack they pull
9:10
back and eventually with all of this commotion they just kind of
9:14
scamper off either side and back into the forest.
9:17
Good. Leaving the the corpse.
9:19
Goodbye Fox Arthur. Goodbye, Fox.
9:21
Arthur Junior. I'm in a a.
9:24
Weird. So pink and fleshy.
9:26
Does this corpse look like it's edible?
9:28
I mean tenderized it for us. There's really not much left.
9:32
I mean, they've already eaten the guts out of it and start
9:34
picking away at the thighs and the legs and stuff, so there
9:37
might be enough for a ration. It's not worth it.
9:40
I'm going to shuffle over to quill, knock and then raise up a
9:44
pussy middle finger. I will remember that.
9:47
Syphilis will remember that. I don't know, walk past them and
9:50
keep moving and suck. Bitch fucking throwing me
9:52
around. You got to be more prepared.
9:54
Yeah, where were you, big guy? I.
9:57
Was folding up my crunchy blanket.
9:58
Yeah, apparently you're supposed to be here.
10:00
Protect me. You know you're the presence and
10:03
I'm the man, right? You you could.
10:05
Have done. Oh yeah.
10:06
Sure, and I'm still walking off into the woods.
10:09
He gets emotional in the morning.
10:11
Yeah, I guess Will Knox is going to walk over to Grimm.
10:15
I thought he we should have seen what sort of Marshall abilities
10:19
this guy had. He showed none.
10:21
I think we did. We're in trouble.
10:26
I'm not, but you're probably fucked, yeah.
10:29
I know an assassination attempt when I see one.
10:33
All right. As you guys continue on
10:34
throughout the day, you tread your way through the the muddy,
10:38
mucky forest floor with all the foliage and bruise and stuff,
10:42
and you'll come to another fork that seems to be going to the
10:48
right and then to the left. This is the part where you tell
10:51
us about your wagon again. No, but all that talking about
10:54
circles it got me a little worried about.
10:56
Falling the law the. Whole time we're out here.
10:58
Somebody roll me AD 4. Make make that quill not God do
11:01
it. Fuck him.
11:03
It's a 3. As you guys come up to the fork,
11:06
you notice that there is a another animal corpse.
11:10
This one looks more like a deer that's been chewed on, and
11:14
you'll notice that some of the entrails have been just drug on
11:17
either direction going down the path.
11:20
It still seems fresh though. Phil, stick your head inside the
11:23
body cavity and see if there's any treasure in there.
11:27
This, this home, it's made for the sun to shine on.
11:31
We don't cover it up like that. Yeah, he.
11:33
Doesn't totally do that. Don't worry, I'm I'm one aware
11:36
of. Bodies and I stick my fist in
11:37
there and I just kind of reach around and start shoving my arm
11:41
more and more inside the body looking for whatever I'm looking
11:44
for the for the heart or maybe something else in there.
11:47
I don't know. Yeah.
11:48
OK, as you reach your arm in there, you realize that the the
11:51
body's not warm, but it's not cold like it's been recently
11:55
killed. And you can you can tell that
11:57
the all the entrails have already been pulled out and the
12:01
eyeballs have been eaten and but as you reach in there, you still
12:03
feel like the lungs and the heart they.
12:05
But they're not warm. They're lukewarm.
12:08
Yeah, we'll go loop that's. That out too long.
12:11
Yeah, like, like a body that's been out there in the rain for,
12:15
I don't know, a good couple of hours.
12:17
I'll look up that Grim and. There ain't no treasure in
12:20
there, but I can tell you that the body's been dead for about
12:23
an hour or two hours. Yeah, I can hold my hand.
12:25
Up on your face. It's really weird how
12:28
comfortable you were doing that. I work with bodies.
12:32
That's our job. Yeah, we work with bodies.
12:34
Yeah, but going elbows deep in one?
12:37
Some, sometimes they got tricked.
12:39
You know, there, there's a, there's one village I went back
12:41
to and they were, they were doing all this stuff with this
12:44
like horses and their hooves making some sort of sticky
12:47
stuff. And they would smell it and they
12:49
were smuggling it out in there and they would hide it inside of
12:52
their bodies. I made a killing selling, you
12:55
know, just RIP their bodies open, pull out the drugs.
12:57
They'd kill them, sell them outside.
12:59
That's why you always check. I'd just start walking down the
13:04
path. Where's your complaints?
13:06
Back story, motherfucker. That was a whole lot of insight
13:10
I wasn't interested in learning. Thank you are.
13:13
You all trying to kill me so I'm trying to get my story out
13:15
quick. Speaking of path Quillnock, it's
13:20
got a fork of the road again, as it seems to go either straight
13:23
or to the left. You know to despite these other
13:27
guys, I'm going to go to the right.
13:28
Oh. Go go in straight.
13:30
Bold and dangerous. All right.
13:32
As the day goes on, are you guys following by any chance or are
13:35
you just still fisting the corpse there?
13:38
Oh no, I ripped that out a while ago.
13:42
I got the temp check. One and done.
13:45
Regardless of where they go, I'm going with quilt knock.
13:47
It seems safer, or at least cleaner.
13:50
If you plunge twice, you're playing with it.
13:53
And words to live by. Thank you again for far too much
13:56
information. As you guys are going, you guys
13:59
come to yet another fork. The path itself seems to be
14:03
narrowing and widening. It gets to the point where you
14:06
guys could be like two people wide and then down to where
14:10
you're squeezing sideways down through the path, not making
14:14
very good time being as the four is all route ridden and now
14:18
muddy is all hell. And then you guys yet again come
14:21
to another fork. Greg going roll me AD 4.
14:25
D42. Who's in the lead on this?
14:28
It'll be cool, Knock. Well, knock.
14:30
All right, cool. Knock.
14:30
Go ahead, roll me AD 4. 4. Oh, all right, Quill Knock, go
14:36
ahead and roll me AD 12. 5. Roll me four more D twelves.
14:41
What is going on? Jeez. 11116.
14:48
All right, And he's dead. Did you guys see that Quillenock
14:51
was walking in the knee? He just stopped for like the
14:54
space of like say 8 die rolls. He just stopped and didn't do
14:57
anything or say anything. See his.
14:59
Eyes roll in the back of his head.
15:00
I wonder what he. Sees just shut up.
15:02
There's something here ahead of us.
15:04
What do you mean I don't see nothing?
15:06
Bill pull back my eyelids. They're crossing over again.
15:10
I don't. Want to just get this guy some
15:12
little close clips or something that's for real?
15:15
Pin him back. Pin him up to the the eyebrows,
15:18
maybe? Speaking of rich people, what,
15:20
what do you got on you? You got any, you got any secret
15:22
weapons or anything of importance that might protect
15:24
us? I don't know.
15:25
Wait, that was my weapon? I pull out The Dirty little
15:29
stuffed teddy bear that I picked up off the ground in town, and I
15:32
wave one of his paws at him. I'm sure that'll come in head.
15:35
Oh. God, you.
15:36
Have no idea. Looks a little crunchy.
15:40
Yeah, why does it got that? Well, not as crunchy.
15:42
Not as crunchy as that. You know what?
15:47
I'm going to see what Quill Knock is doing.
15:49
All right, well knock. As you get into this clearing
15:52
you notice something that catches your eye.
15:54
It's like 3 glowing masses. As you get closer it looks like
15:59
they're roughly massive size dogs but they have just weird
16:03
glow to them, kind of like mushrooms.
16:06
And as you walk into the area you notice that not only are
16:10
they glowing, but they seem to have four extra limbs per dog.
16:14
And as they turn to you, they have these weird extra eyes on
16:17
stalks I. Think I speak for everyone when
16:19
I say that I hate everything about this.
16:22
Cephalus. Cephalus.
16:23
Yeah, It's the glowing gut dogs. I'm Galgenbeck.
16:26
Yeah, get them and I'm gonna try and throw them together.
16:28
Oh, no, no. Don't do it.
16:30
No, no. They want to be hold them.
16:33
Down, motherfuckers. Leave them alone.
16:36
These dogs seem angry. They probably smelled Cephalus.
16:41
Roll Initiative. No, it's them I.
16:45
Blew all my luck on the misery roll.
16:49
Fuck, how are we going to do this?
16:51
Use your fucking bird and hide. What's the marching order, by
16:59
the way? By the by.
17:03
I think I was behind Quill Knock.
17:04
Okay, and I'm stopping. Quill knock from touching.
17:09
Syphilis. So then it would be filling.
17:12
Okay, as you guys get into this clearing, you startle these
17:16
dogs. You notice that they're glowing.
17:18
And as they're getting more aggravated, the glowing is
17:20
becoming more intense. And the eye stocks all turn and
17:24
focus on you. And two of them rush, one at
17:28
Quillnock and one at Grin, and the third one stays back.
17:33
So now Quillnock, go ahead and make a defense role.
17:40
That is not successful. OK, this one is actually going
17:44
to try to bite at you, and it did, so go ahead.
17:47
It's going to be AD 4. Four damage and my armor.
17:53
Oh. So I only take 2.
17:55
OK, so it it comes in and it well tell me how it bites it.
17:59
Yeah. So basically I have my back
18:01
turned to it as I'm trying to reach for Cepalis.
18:04
OK. And as I'm reaching it, like
18:06
comes up and like grabs like digs its teeth into like my
18:10
upper arm and just like starting to do the the dog thrashing.
18:14
Gotcha. All right, grin this the second
18:16
one is coming towards you. Go ahead and defend against.
18:19
Yeah, I didn't. OK, all right, D4D4 it got a
18:26
four and Oh, my armor roll is a 2, so OK, I take 2.
18:33
That is 2/3 of my health gone. Oh good.
18:36
Gravy. How does this one get you?
18:38
Not that you're dead or anything.
18:40
Not yet. Not yet.
18:43
It grabs on to one of my peg legs and starts yanking and
18:47
jerking and twisting. Well, no.
18:50
A bad dog, no fetch, you horrible fucking thing.
18:54
Quit touching his Dicks. All right.
18:57
And then the third one, Jake, go ahead and roll me AD 2 odd as
19:01
you even is going to be Phil. Fuck.
19:04
That's me. Is that all right?
19:06
So this third one, it opens its mouth and it sprays this glowing
19:12
liquid at you. Go ahead and defend against
19:15
that. Like actually, you know what?
19:18
Make an agility test to get out of the way.
19:23
I need the omen to re roll. OK, it's OK.
19:35
It did sound painful. He's the one that you use,
19:37
Warrior. I pull up my hands and I peel
19:40
back my eyelids a little bit and take this full in the face.
19:44
What? Is that?
19:46
What is it doing? Do you have armor?
19:49
I do, yes. The bug armor.
19:51
OK, the flies. It is AD 6 damage and it knocks
19:57
down a tier of armor. It's flies though.
20:03
It scares all the flies away. I got a.
20:05
Six wait, was the. Damage.
20:09
Damage is D6. It doesn't matter bro.
20:11
D2D2 armor. It does not fucking.
20:14
Matter. Do you got a shield?
20:16
I have my bird. That could be like a shield.
20:20
Do you want to use Ted Buddy fan favorite as a shield?
20:26
To block. This spray but you only have one
20:33
do. You break your best attribute to
20:37
survive. Or he could just keep playing
20:41
the bird after he died. Oh.
20:44
My God, you know what? After taking that, after taking
20:51
that, or just before, I take a blast to the.
20:54
Fuck, fuck. Syphilis dies here.
20:56
He dies here. Oh, thank God.
21:00
How do, how does this affect me? And in my dying words, I'll,
21:03
I'll tell you what happens. Like, is this acid spray?
21:07
What's going on? What It is a toxic spray.
21:10
So it's as the dog sprays this toxic spray onto you, it's
21:15
basically the mixture of having hot oil and battery acid just
21:21
blasted right into your face and it starts deteriorating your
21:25
eyeballs and your flesh and your teeth.
21:28
Thankfully your pox are still intact.
21:32
Cool. Oh my boyfriend.
21:36
Oh God, my fuck, my friend. That is a boy.
21:41
Come here, Phil. I I'll touch him this one time.
21:46
I'm not going to make it. And I I collapse into his arms
21:49
like he's holding me. He's kneeling and holding my
21:52
body and I look up at him and I reach up at his face.
21:55
I need you to do one thing for me, Phil.
21:58
What's that? Take care of get buddy.
22:05
Oh, how tragic. And then a boil explodes on his
22:08
face. Ropes.
22:11
I take back everything. Can I surrender Ted buddy to
22:16
fill? You may absolutely surrender Ted
22:18
buddy to fill and you may play Ted buddy if you want to.
22:21
How the? Fuck, am I going to?
22:24
You shouldn't just sacrifice the fucking bird.
22:30
I'll play, I will play Ted Buddy the bird for now, OK.
22:42
Feels. So good.
22:45
I mean, oh, fuck. All right, I guess it's good.
22:47
Your guys's turn. There's three dogs there and
22:50
they are glowing and they are biting and they are spraying.
22:54
Or at least one of them. Gross.
22:57
Let's go first. I'll try dealing with the one
22:59
that is currently engaged with me.
23:01
I would certainly hope you would.
23:03
I'm going to go ahead and open that.
23:05
OK. Reroll.
23:06
OK. That's a 13.
23:10
That will hit. OK, do 2 damage.
23:16
And you didn't kill it, It is pretty well ruined it.
23:18
But how? How do you get him?
23:20
So basically how I hit him is he was still like attached on my
23:22
upper arm. So I just had like my Warhammer
23:25
and I'm just like awkwardly like swinging it off my shoulder.
23:29
I just basically club it in the head a few times and get it off
23:32
of my arm. Got it.
23:33
And every time you hit it in the head, all the weird eyes on the
23:36
eye stocks kind of go cross eyed and give me AD 2.
23:40
One, he let's go to he doesn't Two, OK, he's still latched on
23:45
to you, but he's he's not doing too good.
23:47
He's a little concussed, if you will.
23:49
Graham, you've got one gnawing on your peg leg.
23:52
What do you want to do? I pull up my short sword and I
23:55
stab it. I would like to see him try.
23:57
I would too. OK.
24:01
That is a oh, that's a natural 20.
24:05
Oh, OK. Delicious.
24:08
Fantastic. I roll the two, so that's four
24:12
damage. OK, tell me how you do it.
24:14
Just jab straight forward and down, get them right through the
24:17
shoulder between the dog clavicle and the dog shoulder
24:21
blade and sink it right into the torso.
24:23
I know this hurts for you. Milk Bone.
24:26
As you stab through said glowing puppy, the light that it's
24:30
emanating sort of like dims and keeps dimming and then shuts off
24:35
and it just lays there dead. Hooray, that didn't take much.
24:39
No it didn't. Fuck you guys should try harder.
24:43
Phil and Ted buddy, which one would like to do what to this
24:49
one that took out Cephalus? Ted Buddy's a crow, right?
24:54
Yes. Yes.
24:56
I want to rummage through my my dead boyfriend's pockets for his
25:01
medicine box. And then you want to do that
25:03
right now. And then I want to throw his
25:05
body at this. You have this weird eye
25:09
creature. OK, I'm going to say that it's
25:13
not going to be a role for you to go through the corpse of
25:16
your. I know where.
25:17
Recently departed, actually, I know you do.
25:21
Every boy. But has been accounted for.
25:26
Every seeping pot OK, but I'm going to have you make a
25:30
strength role to throw the body to the duck.
25:34
Fuck you. Well I don't want to get
25:37
anywhere near that poison ruin my armor.
25:42
That is a dirty trucks top. 20 OH.
25:44
My. Carpet.
25:46
Why am I getting chucked everywhere?
25:50
Well, you had to come in handy somehow.
25:53
All right, you pick up the body, you heave it to the dog.
25:56
Dog does not dodge, so go ahead and make.
25:59
I don't. Know what is AB2 Heaved body
26:04
damage? Improvised weapon?
26:07
Sure. D4 Go for it.
26:09
One damage. OK, so do my boyfriend.
26:14
All the pustules rupture and soften the blue.
26:17
Over my head. Love it at this.
26:19
Creature. Ted Buddy's going to swoop in
26:21
after the the body. Ted Buddy probably assumes that
26:25
he's still alive because he's moving through the air and
26:28
attacking this thing. So Ted Buddy swoops in to help
26:30
out his his master. OK, go ahead and roll an attack.
26:34
I'm gonna say D10 just for the fact that it's distracted slash
26:38
crushed under the body of of. Yeah, OK.
26:41
We we know. Ted Ted Buddy's a fucking.
26:44
Moron, I got a. Three all right, so as you swoop
26:47
through body lands on the dog and a spray of plus comes up and
26:54
kind of creates like a mist almost that Ted Buddy couldn't
26:58
see through so good. And then I'm assuming you fly
27:02
off with that. Somebody rolled me initiative.
27:06
I'll do it. That's a four.
27:09
All right, who's going first? I'm going to run in with my
27:12
side. OK, towards which one?
27:14
Going for vengeance on the spitter.
27:17
The spitter it is. All right.
27:18
Please roll that beautiful damage.
27:20
I don't attack. I don't attack very good.
27:24
I got all right, all right. So as you're coming in, the
27:28
floor's super muddy and you kind of lose your footing and make a
27:33
wide swing. Mud and rain.
27:37
Delicious. All right, who's next?
27:39
I'll go with with Quill not continuing with the one that is
27:43
still attached to my arm. I got a 12. 12 will hit.
27:48
Five damage. Tell me how you do it.
27:50
Basically after like kind of like awkwardly trying to knock
27:53
him back with the warhammer and stuff, I instead just like turn
27:56
and like charge at a tree and crush it between my arm and the
28:01
body of the tree. Beautiful.
28:03
And with the crushing sound of the bones and toxic SAC in its
28:08
throat bursting, it just falls down dead right at the base of
28:13
the tree. Beautiful.
28:14
Who's next? I'll take a swing on the last
28:17
one. Okey dokey, the one that's
28:19
underneath us phallus. Yes.
28:21
It's not going to give me any kind of penalty since it's kind
28:24
of got cover. Sort of fuck it, I stabbed
28:27
through him. He's not going to know.
28:29
Yeah, you know what? I'm not.
28:31
I like it. Yeah.
28:32
No penalty. That is an 18. 18 will hit. 6.
28:39
Tell me how you do it. Just stab straight down through
28:43
Cephalus and through Glowy Dog and pin them both to the ground
28:48
all right and as. You stab through cephalus, you
28:51
rupture yet more of these festering pots, and it just kind
28:55
of drains down onto the dog and you notice that the dog's glow
28:59
just starts to diminish into nothing.
29:03
Pox disgusting. That's how my second cousin
29:05
died. Well, better take a break.
29:32
Welcome back to Flail Face. Last we left these fucking guys,
29:36
they let Cephalus die, threw his corpse around, took out some
29:39
glowing toxic spraying dogs with weird extra eyes on stalks and
29:44
extra limbs, and they're all dead.
29:47
Of the dogs that is. And now we have an impasse.
29:51
There's a looks like a route that goes towards the right, and
29:54
then one that goes straight. What do you guys want to do
29:58
actually? Actually actually, it looks like
30:00
it's actually starting to get dark.
30:03
The rain is still pounding down. You guys are at a crossroad
30:06
right now. Probably would be about the time
30:08
where you guys would want to bed down for the nights.
30:10
I was going to suggest taking a rest anyway.
30:12
If if I were to quantify how I feel, I'd say I'm at one out of
30:15
three hit points. Yeah.
30:18
Looking a little rundown there. I feel just fine.
30:22
You would. How's old Ted buddy doing?
30:25
15 years, me and my boy, my boyfriend, he was the best of
30:30
us. The Archbroke's crew is just not
30:33
holding. Up.
30:34
Oh, he was. He was great.
30:36
He could really toss a body. Back in his prime.
30:42
OK. I'm glad Tommy's not here to see
30:45
this. Poor old Tommy would be sad
30:47
about the whole situation. All right, so night starting to
30:50
fall. It's really hard to tell when
30:52
day night is being as it's been raining the whole time and the
30:54
canopy of the forest is really keeping the light out.
30:57
But you, you feel pretty well beat up, pretty well haggard
31:01
from the night, so probably be best to take a CS if you will.
31:04
Night falls, y'all wake up the next day.
31:07
Oh please, I. Was going to say I was going to
31:09
take a watch because, you know, we just fought a bunch of
31:13
glowing dogs. We got a stinking corpse over
31:15
there. Might say let's burn it, but
31:17
everything's soaking wet. We all sort of have any oil or
31:20
any any anything. That's where somebody had a
31:22
Lantern. Yeah, but we used all of it up
31:24
during that first day. Oh yeah, that'll happen.
31:26
Mysterious man in the woods. You know his pus is probably
31:29
very flammable. I don't want to smell that, hey.
31:33
Who? Who?
31:34
Who nobody wants to smoke. Who's got a Flint and steel?
31:36
We could. We could try.
31:38
And that help. What?
31:42
No, just I've got, I got this piece of paper, yo, with no
31:45
writing on it. That's all I got.
31:47
Somewhere Flint and steel. How the hell did we think it was
31:49
Lantern? Oh, wait, no, I did OK.
31:51
Yeah. OK.
31:54
I look back in my sheet again. Yeah, I did.
31:57
Are you going to try to? Light, yeah.
32:00
Let's go ahead and try to light some of these.
32:02
What? Of course.
32:05
Yeah, like trying to light syphilis.
32:09
I hold my. I hold my crunchy.
32:11
Blanket above just so it stops from the rain.
32:14
I'm going to say the first spark that you get off of that Flint
32:18
and seal ignites that pock ridden body of Cephalus up and
32:24
it just roars like daylight. It is the brightest thing you
32:28
guys have seen ever. I thought it was.
32:31
Bright. It's because of all the the.
32:34
Crevices, remember I kept saying that was dry.
32:37
I'm like a fucking ripe log. I'm ready to burn.
32:41
Just as a log full of SAP, every time it gets to another point in
32:45
your body, it just bursts with another another slot.
32:51
The the stench I really. Thinking this was a bad idea
32:54
like. Jet fuel.
32:55
The stench is just horrific. It is almost bad enough where
32:59
everyone feels like they're going to vomit, OK?
33:01
Well, it's gonna chase off predators, so.
33:04
You know, all like it smells this metal.
33:06
As you guys are sparking up the body of your former compatriot
33:10
there, you notice that there's a bunch of glowing eyes out in the
33:15
the surrounding tree line, and you hear the crunching of heavy
33:20
footsteps coming towards the light.
33:22
I don't like this. This is how everyone in my
33:24
family reunion died. Jake, Who do they see?
33:31
Oh God, oh God, hold on, I'm a little thrown off now.
33:36
You're going to see this young man is named Artie, and he is an
33:39
indomitable Mountaineer. He's dressed up like he's on a
33:43
safari with one of them safari hats with the hard top on it,
33:46
the Round Top. He's got really big, thick
33:49
glasses on. I have bad presence.
33:52
I have -2 So I got some, got some glasses going on here and.
33:56
Glasses are all the fucked up. Yeah, and I'm like, I'm very
34:00
short and kind of heavy set, so I'm more like Danny DeVito.
34:04
Always with the Danny DeVito. All right, Do you guys see this
34:09
short rotund Coke bottled? Eyeglass figure, walk up.
34:15
Oh good, another lock for the fire.
34:18
No I don't burn quite as well actually I could see this for a
34:22
mile away. So I was wondering if you wanted
34:24
to sit down, maybe enjoy a drink out of my my moccasins and have
34:29
some stores do? You want us to drink out of your
34:31
shoes? How weird.
34:33
We could try your shoes. The Every chew has a different
34:35
taste. No, next.
34:37
Let's get the next audition in here.
34:38
Who? Who?
34:39
Are you? Oh, the name is Artie.
34:42
I'm an adventurer. Nice.
34:45
Nice to meet you. I'm Phil.
34:46
Hi, Phil. Why are you out here?
34:49
Because, well, I'm looking for the next big mountain.
34:52
But as you can see, it's been raining a lot and my glasses and
34:56
I. Kind of.
34:57
Move them around. On my nose.
34:58
They fog up so I've been lost for a long time because I can't
35:02
even check the sundial, you know, no sun.
35:07
I do have s'mores though, mind if I don't yet?
35:09
And I'm going to saddle up on a log, drag it over to the the
35:12
fire. Yeah, and then get a stick and
35:15
then put some rations on it and hold it over the fire.
35:20
This fire is just emanating this foul scent off of the tube being
35:25
as as you get closer you notice it is a body that is just
35:29
completely engulfed and it is the the whitest hottest flame
35:34
you've seen in your life. You've really got to hold those
35:37
rations back a little bit. Now the trick is to turn it.
35:40
You don't want it to burn too quick, that is.
35:43
Oh. Yeah, that's that's my
35:46
boyfriend. OK.
35:47
Good for you. Yeah.
35:47
What he burns hot, he's always. Fucking I'm going to bed and
35:52
then crawl into my tent. Yeah, I'm like, OK, I I need
35:55
space for this too. Green.
35:57
You got room in there? No.
35:58
Too bad. No, there's only room for me and
36:01
Tedward, and I show him the bear.
36:03
The bear waves at him with a little arm.
36:04
Yeah, I grab the bear, throw it aside, and I crawl in him.
36:06
Hey, hey asshole, I crawl out after Tedward.
36:13
Oh don't worry Grim, you can use my blanket.
36:16
No, no, no. 1000 times no over a branch.
36:20
No, just no. I'm.
36:21
Going to make a lean to over something I guess whatever roots
36:26
I can find and pull a body over it.
36:28
Yeah, there's probably some branches that have broken off
36:31
and I'm sure you could probably skin the the dogs that were
36:34
there. No, we're not spending time
36:36
with. I'm just going to sleep, Sir.
36:38
I'm just going to pull this body over these roots and do some
36:42
Predator bullshit like I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger.
36:45
OK, weird voice out in the middle of the forest.
36:48
It's just going to fade. I slice the dog open and gut it
36:52
and crawl inside and sleep there.
36:55
Perfect. All right, so as all this
36:58
happens, the next day approaches.
37:03
I feel so refreshed. As well you should.
37:05
Everybody roll all the stuff. If you have omens, missing hit
37:09
points, all that sort of stuff, Somebody roll me.
37:12
Oh, that's right, a Misery. Somebody roll me a Misery D12.
37:15
Do it. Do it 10.
37:19
All right, let's D10 tomorrow and as you guys wake up somebody
37:26
weather if you'd be so kind. 6. As you guys wake up, this body
37:32
that you lit on fire last night still still going, it is still
37:37
brighter than the sun. It is roaring.
37:40
It's it is pretty much dried out the area that you guys are in,
37:44
almost to the point where it's like 30 feet from the center
37:47
just completely dried. Out in fact.
37:49
All of your clothing are dried out as well, almost to the point
37:52
where it's burnt but still still manageable.
37:55
But as you wake up, the rain is gone and is dead quite there's
37:59
there's not a sound be heard. Can I just start like kicking
38:02
dirt and. Stuff over the syphilis so I can
38:07
save his his hot body for the next time we need a fire.
38:13
Yes, I will allow it. I will assist you in that.
38:16
I was a scout. Oh yeah, you always put your
38:19
fires out. Yes, first you want to piss on
38:21
it and then cover it in dirt. Yeah, just cover it in dirt.
38:24
Yeah, that's the best way. Are you going to be dragging
38:27
that with you? Yeah, yeah.
38:29
I can make his sled. I know how.
38:32
Can you? I can.
38:33
The dead body sled worked out so well for us last time.
38:39
OK, you do finally put out Cephalus's body, and you notice
38:46
that there is a path that is going straight and a path that's
38:49
going towards the right. OK, who's got the highest
38:52
presence? OK, all right, grin.
38:55
Go ahead and roll me a Presence Test 13 as they're kicking dirt
39:01
and whatever on the body of your guys's fallen friend.
39:05
You do notice that the drag marks that you guys saw on the
39:09
outside of town are starting to pull.
39:11
Either way, there seems to be some torn clothing on branches,
39:15
but you guys do see that you're on the right path.
39:18
Is there a way I can help discern which way that I, I have
39:21
navigation skills I'm going to look at.
39:25
I'm going to look. I don't know if I know Grin's
39:27
name yet, so I'm going to look at grin and be like.
39:29
Hey what you looking at? Trying to figure out where to
39:30
go. Is it?
39:31
Nah, I figured it out. Did you win?
39:33
Oh, yeah. Yeah, the kids are dead.
39:35
Let's go home. What do you the kids I want?
39:38
Yeah, it's a whole complex back story.
39:40
There were some kids, now there aren't.
39:41
Cool. Are you Are you sure They're
39:43
they're they're dead? Look pretty dead to me.
39:47
There's scraps and things and drag marks that usually says
39:50
dead. You.
39:51
You the leader. You mind if I tag along?
39:53
I really don't want. To end up.
39:55
No, no to both. Unfortunately, they while the
39:59
kids may be dead, we need to at least verify it.
40:04
So who's in charge here? I gotta.
40:07
Just go with the flow, you know? Jake, go ahead and make a
40:11
present test. Usually it's this guy who keeps
40:14
popping out of the woods and telling us things and the
40:16
disappearing again. Bro it did not matter is a four.
40:20
All right, so as as you're looking down either path, you
40:24
can also notice that there's the drag Marks and scraps of
40:27
clothing and but it looks like it both paths have those
40:30
features, so. I say we're already on this
40:32
path, let's just keep going straight.
40:35
Yeah, you'll hump up. You got a little little smudge
40:37
there on your armor. No.
40:39
Right there. Oh, right there.
40:41
I'm going to lick my crunchy blanket and try to wipe it off.
40:44
I'm leaving. I am too.
40:48
All right. So you guys are going to go
40:49
straight? I don't want to get devoured on
40:51
the trail so I'm going to follow these guys.
40:54
All right. Come on already this way.
40:56
Oh my God, you remembered my name.
40:58
Oh I like the cut of your jib. How are you with weapons?
41:01
What's that? Oh boy.
41:03
Oh no. I have this this spoon.
41:06
That's it. The next thing we run into, I'm
41:08
throwing them at it. How are you as a weapon?
41:13
All right, so as you guys start trudging through, it is just
41:16
ridiculously quiet, like any thoughts in your head is almost
41:20
too intrusive. And as you guys walk through the
41:23
path itself is coming in to barely so that you'd have to
41:28
side shoot me through and opening up to at least two
41:31
people's shoulders worth. And as you guys come to yet
41:35
another crossing, you notice that there are Jake.
41:40
Roll me D4. Roll me D6, Jake. 3.
41:43
And I need 4D twelves. Out of transparency, I created a
41:51
table for encounters through the forest.
41:56
The last time we had to roll 4D12 it got Cephalus killed
42:01
9/11. 5:00 and 12:00 all. Right.
42:07
So Artie, where are you coming from?
42:11
Oh, you know, from here and there, my biggest thing that
42:16
I've ever done is I, I once climbed the Mount Bothell.
42:19
I think that was the place I might have been Mount Everest,
42:22
I'm not sure. But I've climbed, I've climbed
42:24
so many mountains. I've also been in the scouts
42:26
for, you know, 25 plus years. It's the scouts of the of the
42:31
swamplands, you know, So I'm well versed in in navigating and
42:34
surviving and mileage. Did you ever get your combat
42:38
badge? Well, we don't have that.
42:39
What I have is this spoon. And I'm going to brandish my
42:43
it's like an MRE spoon. It's a heavy duty plastic spoon.
42:47
That sounds very useful. I'm sure you can do so much with
42:51
that spoon. I can't wait to see it in
42:52
action. Yep, and then I'm I have my
42:54
trusty hat and. I'll take my hat off and that is
42:56
my shield with that weird bubble hard cap on it and I'll put that
43:00
back on. And my mother says that I have a
43:03
dirty mouth. Now she doesn't mean that I
43:04
swear and cuss. It's because I have the
43:07
halitosis. So whenever you whenever you
43:10
find out that I've got, you know, bad breath, just let me
43:12
know and I'll stick this bar soap in there.
43:14
Mom gave it to. Me, yeah, go ahead and do that
43:16
now that'd be. Great.
43:17
Yeah, after eating the corpse cooked s'mores last night, you
43:21
kind of eat that. Well, thank you that, but that's
43:24
my back story. As you guys walk into this
43:26
clearing, you'll notice that there's three wolves that are
43:31
kind of bedded down that as soon as that you guys walk into it,
43:35
they perk up. They don't seem aggressive at
43:37
this time, but they're on alert. Looking at them, you'll notice
43:41
that they have a bunch of open festering wounds, kind of like
43:44
how Cephalus aggressive piece had.
43:48
But their skin is also transparent, so you can kind of
43:50
see the muscle and the sinew as well.
43:53
And in the back you notice instead of there being like an
43:56
actual tail, it looks like a big matted up club.
44:00
They're on alert, but they're not being outwardly aggressive
44:03
towards you guys. I'm going to pull on quilt
44:05
knocks. Sleeve.
44:08
I've seen these before. If you're really quiet, they're
44:11
alert to smells and sounds. I think you should go first.
44:14
Just gently walk by them. I think you should go 1st and
44:18
show us how to do it since you're so familiar, no?
44:21
Sorry, weather is still kind of muggy.
44:24
Glasses are all. Right, okay, great.
44:26
And I'm going to grab him by like the scruff of his neck and
44:29
just like drag him behind me. It's better than getting thrown
44:34
I guess. As you walk towards them,
44:35
dragging already behind you, the wolves create like a wall and
44:39
start pushing up against you. But they're still not being
44:41
aggressive. They're being more territorial,
44:43
kind of Starling and growling, but they're not outwardly being
44:46
aggressive towards you guys. I'm going to like continue like
44:49
trying to like go around them. As you move around, they're
44:53
basically just creating a wall that they don't want you to get.
44:57
Past I would like to pick up a stick from the ground.
45:00
I will allow it. Is it your leg?
45:02
No, I thought about that but no, I need that for walking and
45:05
other important. Things, OK, that's fair.
45:08
Then I I whistle at the wolves. Okay, wolves.
45:10
Hey, wolves over here now fetch. And I threw the stick.
45:14
All right, this works. Go ahead and make the.
45:18
Represses tests. Well, if you insist, I do.
45:21
Luckily, that's my good stat. That is a 17, a nine and an 18.
45:27
OK, so. As you catch their attention and
45:31
you throw the stick off into the woods, two of them look at each
45:35
other and then bolt off and the third one stands there holding
45:38
his ground looking real intimidating but defensive like
45:42
it really is trying to keep you guys from getting past it.
45:46
A. Dick wow here wolf fetch and I'm
45:49
going to try and throw arty over I'm.
45:50
Going to try to wrap my arms around him as tight as possible.
45:54
I would love to have a string check from each of you.
45:56
Jesus. Fuck, damn it. 7. 10 Jesus.
46:02
Christ. All right, so as you go to try
46:05
to throw arty, he's grabbed onto you and just the weight of him
46:10
and his armor has thrown you both off your balance, not
46:14
necessarily fall to the ground, but not standing up fully.
46:18
That didn't work. You can just shoot them away,
46:21
boy. Yeah, you can.
46:21
Just why I went for the stick. Jesus Christ, I'm trying to
46:25
throw. I just met you guys.
46:27
You tried to feed me the wolves already.
46:29
I'm going to brandish. This spoon at quill, knock and
46:31
then turn around and then charge at this wolf that's remaining.
46:35
Perfect. Hey, win, win.
46:37
I will have you roll initiative. Cord, that's us, I stabbed.
46:42
That is. You with the spoon?
46:44
You stabbed this wolf with a spoon.
46:47
I would have stabbed you. Try. 14, motherfucker. 14 will
46:52
hit yes. My spoon does D6 damage.
46:55
By the way. Whoa, fuck.
46:58
I got a six. I got a. 6 Jesus Christ.
47:06
It does D2 for a thick hide. OK, I did 4 damage.
47:10
All right, this wolf being spooned.
47:15
Oh yeah, I, I turn and jump on on top of that wolf, because
47:18
it's facing us, right? Yes.
47:20
So I just I leap on top of that wolf's face with the spoon and
47:23
start gouging at the eyes. All right as you go and gouge
47:27
out the eyes, you get one of them.
47:28
You pop it right out it it seems like you got in there further
47:32
than the eye socket and. Got some meat with that sauce?
47:36
Yeah, you got some meat with that sauce, but he is not happy.
47:39
What would the rest of you monsters, I mean monsters like
47:44
to do? He does serve a purpose and I'm
47:47
just going to walk back and continue.
47:49
That. Motherfucker.
47:50
OK. Follow Quilt Knock.
47:54
OK. Wow, little buddy, that's
47:56
impressive. And I'm going to come in with my
47:59
sight and just going to drag it against the wall.
48:02
OK, go ahead and make it attack. Is it?
48:06
Tell me it is what I think it is.
48:09
I can't see it. There's a glare.
48:11
Is that a natural one? Please.
48:13
It's a natural one. You got any omens?
48:19
My omens are special, I can only use them on my armor.
48:28
Oh my God. I.
48:32
Fuck. So as you go to scrape this site
48:37
across the wolf, it catches one of the roots and as you're going
48:41
by it, it it catches and stops you.
48:44
And the wolf, having one of its eyes gouged out, turns its head
48:48
and it opens its mouth and you see this weird proboscis shoot
48:53
out at you. Go ahead and roll a defense roll
48:57
DR12. Mine's a 14.
49:01
What is that? What am I rolling?
49:03
Agile. Yes, Sir.
49:06
That's a fail. All right, you're going to go
49:08
ahead and take D6 damage. Two damage minus.
49:14
OK. You're invincible.
49:16
Come on. What are you?
49:16
Give me that what are? You doing?
49:19
Sorry. All right.
49:22
OK, I cancelled out the damage. OK, go ahead and make me a
49:26
toughness test DR12HE. Will not how you think they're
49:30
doing back there? They can handle themselves.
49:33
Did you see the way he went with that spoon?
49:35
That reminds me, you know what I could go for right now?
49:38
Ice cream sundae. Doesn't that sound good?
49:42
Ice cream sundae? Well, not.
49:44
Sounds delicious. Yeah, go ahead and roll me AD 6.
49:47
Why? Oh, that's a four.
49:51
All right as you walk by and catch the scythe on the route,
49:56
you feel a piercing in your side and all of a sudden you feel
49:58
something humped into your body roll me AD 4 we're.
50:04
Getting Jumanji. It's those fucking plants, the
50:09
two. OK, thank you.
50:11
You feel these 4 masses that are just implanted underneath your
50:16
skin. You're a dad now.
50:19
Foreskin OK. And we'll find out what happens
50:24
later. You're it is, it's it's turn
50:27
now. So it's got both of you guys in
50:29
front of it. Odds is Jake even is Levi.
50:33
Levi being as this this wolf has got his proboscis stuffed into
50:37
you, is going to try to inject more eggs into your body.
50:42
There's. So much of syphilis around,
50:48
there's got to be some of you got your boyfriend's.
50:51
Go ahead, give me another toughness test, DR12.
50:55
Because he's already attached. Yep.
50:58
Oh, the three the. 3 Give me AD 6. 4 You feel another four
51:09
things shut. Really tight now.
51:12
Yeah, jut right into your body and give me another D4.
51:17
Why two? OK, that's the same I'm.
51:21
I'm still kind of disturbed at how Levi took the note that he
51:26
has foreskin masses. And now what is it?
51:29
How many more? You have a total of eight eggs
51:33
implanted into your body. 8 skin masses, OK, yes.
51:38
Is this from your doing? I have two foreskins.
51:44
They're masses and it's preoccupied with what it's doing
51:48
now. So initiative.
51:50
Gross, man. Whoever is engaged with Stead
51:54
Wolf. Oh God.
51:56
All right, 3. All right, pump me up, Give me
52:01
some more juices. Give me more.
52:04
I want this thing to just explode my body.
52:07
Oh my God. It pulls the proboscis out of
52:11
your body and it actually goes for a bite attack on Artie.
52:15
Go Artie, go ahead and make a defense role.
52:18
Artie, you better do something. I don't feel so good.
52:22
I feel a little stuffed. No.
52:27
I use an Omen. OK.
52:29
Oh. My God, I use an omen to reduce,
52:32
so I succeed. OK, as it as it lunges towards
52:37
you to to bite you, it ends up missing, catching its feet on
52:41
the roots. Your guys's turn, whoever's
52:44
engaged with it. OK, question.
52:47
Yes, Sir. Since I rolled that natural one,
52:50
is my sight stuck in this? Whatever.
52:53
You could probably free it on this turn.
52:55
I would like to do that please. OK.
52:57
I will allow you to free it on this turn.
52:59
Thank you. You're welcome.
53:02
Who's next? Who's next?
53:07
Stop and look back at what these two are doing.
53:10
I suppose we should probably go help them grin.
53:13
Why They're already as good as Dead I.
53:15
Feel pregnant for some reason? OK, we're definitely not going
53:19
back. Keep walking.
53:21
I thought I was walking. I'm so.
53:25
Stuffed get. That thing off of you All right,
53:28
I I turn around and I run back with my Warhammer.
53:31
What's wrong with? Him, Jesus, God.
53:35
I think I see a Denny's on the head.
53:37
Wouldn't you rather go there? I've got a omen to re roll.
53:41
All right. I got 12. 12 bull hits.
53:45
Three damage. All right, you can't possibly
53:48
not kill him. Tell me how you do it.
53:52
So well, what is this? Well, Phil is just like
53:57
struggling with all of his new masses and we got already just
54:02
kind of there freaking out. I just like I'm on my windmill,
54:05
slammed my hammer down and it just cracks the dog and it just
54:09
spills gore over the two of them.
54:13
And then as it's just like kind of dripping down, I just like
54:15
turn around, shake my hammer once and continue back down the
54:18
path. That was great form, so good.
54:21
Yeah, he's a leader, huh? Oh man, I need to take this
54:24
chest plate off quick. I'm.
54:26
Going to take my chest plate off.
54:28
Does this look like it's getting infected I.
55:17
Hey everybody, Kevin at the envy episode.
55:19
This episode features The Adventure I Gothorne by Kevin
55:21
Welch, which can be found in the Merck Borg anthology Journey
55:24
through the Dying Lands, released through Madness Heart
55:26
Press with Levi playing Phil, The Fugitive Night by All Eyes
55:30
no Game, Thomas playing Quill, not the Profane Survivor by
55:33
Jared Barnes of the adult Ossuary, Jake playing Cephalis,
55:36
the Corpse Plunderer by Harkenstone and already been
55:39
domitable about Mirror by Drew Go Scone and Walt reprising his
55:42
role as Grin, the Gutterborn scum.
55:44
Check out all these cool things and the respective X slippers.
55:47
More port entries in the description accompanying this
55:49
episode. And while you're at it, check us
55:51
out on our social medias, our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
55:55
Blue Sky and Thread, and wherever you listen to podcasts,
55:59
make sure to rate, review, and share with all of your friends
56:02
so we can get out there to more people.
56:05
While we're at it, if you haven't already, please check
56:07
out our sister podcast, The World Standard.
56:09
With that, thanks for listening and we'll catch you guys next
56:12
time. You clean your microwave once a
56:22
month. You're a fucking monster.
56:24
I don't microwave very often. OK, so every every.
56:27
Sounds like you do. No, I I cook like four or five
56:31
days a week. OK, So when it's an easy day,
56:34
usually on Monday recordings, you know, if we got that spicy
56:38
nugs, I nuke that shit. I don't got time for waiting
56:41
around. Bro nobody got time for that.
56:43
No air fryer. It's time you bring your box of
56:46
spicy nugs. You hand them off the Nate as
56:48
you come through the door and say hey, be a sweetheart and
56:51
cookies for me. No.
56:53
You know what? Be a doll, give them a wink,
56:55
slap on the ass. I'll just bring the air.
56:58
Fryer. Thanks, Cheap.
57:00
Next session we have together, I'm just going to bring the air
57:03
fryer and set it up for you. Yeah, so we can just hear this.
57:09
Whoa. And then a.
57:13
Levis nugs are done. Yeah, you for 2 1/2 minutes,
57:16
that's all you need. That's.
57:17
The 7th misery right there, Levis nugs.
57:23
Fucking soggy spicy nugs. Yeah, yeah.
57:26
Stouston Ranch. Now ran I'm a.
57:29
Mustard guy. I'm a mustard guy.
57:31
The only time your chicken should be wet is in a salad.
57:33
Fuck, fuck the ranch. I'm tired of ranch.
57:36
Ranch just nasty. Get out of the Midwest, fucking
57:39
animal. I'm not a mustard.
57:41
Mustard is life bro. Pizza.
57:44
Everything. Rots.
57:46
What, you put mustard on pizza? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:49
Back to being a monster. Back to being a monster.
57:51
Is it is it the same pizza you warm up in your microwave?
57:54
Yeah. 100% baby. God damn, eat a hot wet sock.
58:00
Jesus Christ. I don't got time to wait around
58:03
with the ovens. 20 minutes to Preheat, then another fucking
58:06
15. I'm hungry you.
58:08
Now you know that was Pele's first draft for Misery 7 Seven
58:13
and lo, the pizza and the Dino nuggies will be soggy and hot on
58:17
the outside, but cold on the inside, and there will be much
58:20
woe. Oh, my face hurts.
58:24
That's good. Jesus fucking fire.
58:31
There's the episode title The Corpse Fist and Reach Around.
58:37
Then that's the title of this episode.
58:41
Plunge again. If you plunge twice, you're
58:44
playing with it. If you plunge twice, you're
58:46
playing with. It Cephalus plunges twice.
58:50
He. Only plunge twice, all right.
58:57
We're going to flail.