Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / Can you teach yourself to be funny, How to take advice from a psychic and more | Life Advice

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Can you teach yourself to be funny, How to take advice from a psychic and more | Life Advice · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:13
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of today.
0:17
Speaker 1: This is a head noise life advice episode. I'm still
0:21
Speaker 1: kind of calling them head noise, but I'm also putting
0:23
Speaker 1: life advice on the episode titles now because I feel
0:26
Speaker 1: like sometimes I'm just, I feel like I'm really good
0:29
Speaker 1: at confusing things. new audience that comes to the podcast
0:32
Speaker 1: because I'm like, the fuck does head noise mean? Anyway,
0:35
Speaker 1: head noise episodes are all about life advice. And sometimes
0:39
Speaker 1: I have to title them separately or separate them as
0:42
Speaker 1: podcast episodes if it's like super general, the advice I'm giving.
0:45
Speaker 1: And sometimes I bunch a bunch of questions into one
0:47
Speaker 1: life advice episode. And that's what we're doing today. We
0:50
Speaker 1: have voice messages from you guys. I have three that
0:53
Speaker 1: I will be answering.
0:54
Speaker 2: So I'm.
0:56
Speaker 1: Um, a little bit of life advice. I mean, life update,
0:59
Speaker 1: I should say. I don't have a phone case. I
1:03
Speaker 1: smashed it the other night. It wasn't even smashed. It's
1:05
Speaker 1: like made out of rubber somehow, shredded it to pieces
1:08
Speaker 1: the other night when I was out to drinks with
1:09
Speaker 1: my friend. I wasn't even drunk, mind you. And I've
1:12
Speaker 1: been raw dogging it and I still haven't cracked my screen. Now,
1:15
Speaker 1: probably by the time this episode comes out, my screen
1:17
Speaker 1: has been shattered into a thousand pieces, but Up until now,
1:21
Speaker 1: it's been six days and I've survived. And now I've
1:24
Speaker 1: got this crazy air of confidence thinking that I can
1:29
Speaker 1: achieve anything in my life because I haven't smashed my
1:30
Speaker 1: phone yet. And then I'm like being really cocky thinking, well,
1:33
Speaker 1: it's so much nicer and so much easier to carry around.
1:36
Speaker 1: Do I just not get a phone case? Watch this
1:38
Speaker 1: thing get shattered within a couple of, within mere moments. Anyway,
1:42
Speaker 1: probably by the end of this episode, it'll be cracked. Oh,
1:45
Speaker 1: that's life. Let's get straight into the first voice message episode.
1:49
Speaker 1: Just before I do read this question, I did want
1:51
Speaker 1: to give a trigger warning because there is discussion of
1:54
Speaker 1: infant loss. Okay, let's get straight into it.
1:57
Speaker 3: I just want to start by saying thank you so
1:58
Speaker 3: much for everything you do. I've listened to your podcast
2:01
Speaker 3: for a very long time and you've helped me change
2:04
Speaker 3: my life in many ways. The reason I'm writing in
2:06
Speaker 3: today is because, unfortunately, last year in October, I lost
2:10
Speaker 3: my beautiful baby girl at two weeks.
2:12
Speaker 4: Yeah.
2:15
Speaker 3: And the thing I'm really struggling with is, you know,
2:18
Speaker 3: my closest friends and some family and even my best
2:23
Speaker 3: friend just weren't there for me and my partner in
2:26
Speaker 3: such a hard time in our lives and the worst
2:29
Speaker 3: thing we've ever been through. You know, I've confronted them
2:33
Speaker 3: a couple of months ago just saying that, you know,
2:35
Speaker 3: they weren't there for us in any way and they've
2:38
Speaker 3: now apologised and, you know, now they're really trying to, like,
2:42
Speaker 3: reconcile and do what they can for us. But I
2:45
Speaker 3: just feel like the first six months, like no one
2:48
Speaker 3: was there for us. And now there's just a lot of,
2:52
Speaker 3: I just feel a lot of resentment towards these relationships.
2:57
Speaker 3: So I just don't know what to do. Like there's
3:00
Speaker 3: part of me that just wants to cut them off. Like,
3:03
Speaker 3: you know, they've kind of showed their true colors. But
3:06
Speaker 3: then I've kind of have reconciled that relationship. But I
3:09
Speaker 3: just feel a lot of resentment there. And I'm just
3:11
Speaker 3: not sure how to move on. So if you could
3:14
Speaker 3: help me with any advice, that would be amazing.
3:17
Speaker 4: Thank you. Okay.
3:19
Speaker 1: I'm going to firstly, that's so awful what you went
3:24
Speaker 1: through and I can't begin to imagine what you went
3:27
Speaker 1: through and I'm so sorry. And, yeah, I literally am
3:30
Speaker 1: at a loss for words. And, yeah, I just, this
3:34
Speaker 1: is awful. And laying on top of the fact that
3:37
Speaker 1: you weren't supported by some of your closest friends and
3:39
Speaker 1: family is, like, Just so messed up and I don't understand.
3:47
Speaker 1: I just don't think there is an excuse, to be honest,
3:49
Speaker 1: when you're going through something like that's such a big
3:52
Speaker 1: loss for people to not be able to be there
3:54
Speaker 1: for you. I'm not quite sure. And the other thing
3:57
Speaker 1: is that you said that they've kind of acknowledged it.
4:00
Speaker 1: So it's not like they've got some really, really valid
4:03
Speaker 1: reason as to why they weren't able to be there.
4:05
Speaker 1: If they've acknowledged it and they've tried to reconcile, it
4:07
Speaker 1: means that maybe like they're aware of the shitty behavior
4:10
Speaker 1: and they could have done something differently. So I guess
4:13
Speaker 1: how you need to approach this or one of the
4:15
Speaker 1: ways that you could approach this, there's two separate things
4:18
Speaker 1: that you're looking at. One of them is, do I
4:20
Speaker 1: resurrect this friendship or do I maintain this friendship? Okay,
4:24
Speaker 1: that's one of the things you're asking yourself. And the
4:26
Speaker 1: other thing is, regardless if I keep the friendship or not,
4:29
Speaker 1: am I able to find a way to be able
4:32
Speaker 1: to let go of this so I'm able to move
4:34
Speaker 1: on in the most productive way possible for me, not
4:37
Speaker 1: for them. We're talking about you. Because if you choose
4:40
Speaker 1: to move on, and find a way to close that
4:42
Speaker 1: chapter and not hold any resentment. You're going to do
4:44
Speaker 1: this for you. What a lot of people mistake is
4:47
Speaker 1: that if you say, you know what, I'm going to
4:48
Speaker 1: let go of what happened, or in some cases, some
4:52
Speaker 1: people say, I'm going to forgive what happened. They think
4:55
Speaker 1: that forgiveness means, oh great, we're back to where we started.
4:59
Speaker 1: We've made up. We are reconciling. Forgiveness doesn't mean that
5:02
Speaker 1: you want to make up with that person. It doesn't
5:05
Speaker 1: mean that that nothing ever happened. It doesn't mean that
5:08
Speaker 1: it's water under the bridge. It just means I'm not
5:12
Speaker 1: going to hold this against you or I'm not going
5:16
Speaker 1: to hold it as a thing that I keep remembering
5:20
Speaker 1: to kind of remind myself to think negative things about
5:23
Speaker 1: you anymore. The main aim of forgiveness, and I'm not
5:27
Speaker 1: saying you even have to forgive. Some people don't want
5:28
Speaker 1: to forgive and fucking more power to you if you
5:31
Speaker 1: feel better being like, nah, forgiveness is not what I
5:34
Speaker 1: want to do. It doesn't make me feel good. then
5:36
Speaker 1: absolutely don't forgive. But the main reason why forgiveness exists
5:39
Speaker 1: is for the person who has the power to forgive,
5:42
Speaker 1: to be able to be like, I'm not going to
5:43
Speaker 1: hold this against you. It doesn't mean we are making up.
5:45
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean I'm writing you're wrong. It doesn't mean
5:48
Speaker 1: any of that.
5:49
Speaker 2: Okay.
5:49
Speaker 1: And it doesn't mean that because I've forgiven you, it
5:52
Speaker 1: is now okay for us to proceed with the friendship.
5:55
Speaker 1: So you can decide, and it doesn't happen overnight, But
6:00
Speaker 1: you can make the decision, you know what, I'm not
6:01
Speaker 1: going to hold it against them anymore. Everyone's on their
6:03
Speaker 1: own fucking journey. Everyone's made big mistakes. But this is
6:07
Speaker 1: enough of a character, like information about their character that
6:11
Speaker 1: I need to know that I just don't want them
6:12
Speaker 1: in my life anymore. I'm willing to forgive them in
6:14
Speaker 1: the sense that I'm done holding it against them. I'm
6:17
Speaker 1: done harboring this resentment in my heart. But now that
6:20
Speaker 1: I know who they are, I just don't value them
6:22
Speaker 1: as a friend in my life moving forward. I'm going
6:25
Speaker 1: to close that chapter, okay? And I'm going to funnel
6:29
Speaker 1: that energy into something else. I'm not going to sit
6:32
Speaker 1: here and fester and harbor hate. I'm just going to
6:34
Speaker 1: acknowledge that what happened, happened. They've hopefully learned their lesson
6:38
Speaker 1: and they're moving on and that's really good, but I
6:40
Speaker 1: don't want them in my life anymore. That's one avenue
6:42
Speaker 1: that you can take, okay? So that's when we talk
6:45
Speaker 1: about forgiveness or letting go or moving past, you can
6:48
Speaker 1: do all of that and still not just choose to
6:50
Speaker 1: have that person in your life. So it's almost two
6:53
Speaker 1: decisions that you want to make. What I don't recommend
6:55
Speaker 1: that you do is find a way to keep this
6:57
Speaker 1: person in your life while you're still harboring so much
7:00
Speaker 1: resentment towards them because you will suffer. It's not for them.
7:03
Speaker 1: To be honest, I don't really care about your friends
7:06
Speaker 1: and family in this position. I'm going to talk about
7:09
Speaker 1: everything I'm going to say is more to help you
7:12
Speaker 1: navigate this situation in a way that feels nicest in
7:15
Speaker 1: your heart, okay? So I don't really care if it
7:18
Speaker 1: affects the people or not.
7:19
Speaker 2: Whatever.
7:20
Speaker 1: This is for you. So I think... regardless if you
7:24
Speaker 1: choose to keep them in your life or not, if
7:26
Speaker 1: you say, you know what, I'm going to work on
7:27
Speaker 1: this friendship, whatever, I would recommend you moving forward in
7:30
Speaker 1: a way that you are able to like forgive. If
7:33
Speaker 1: you say there's no way I'm able to move past
7:37
Speaker 1: this and keep them in my life, then I would
7:40
Speaker 1: recommend you just close that chapter on the friendship. You've
7:43
Speaker 1: got to do things that are going to be as
7:45
Speaker 1: peaceful for you as possible. You've gone through a lot.
7:48
Speaker 1: So your number one priority is going to be what
7:51
Speaker 1: is going to build a life, like what is the
7:53
Speaker 1: best way for me to build a life around me
7:56
Speaker 1: that makes me feel at peace? Okay. If it is, well,
8:00
Speaker 1: I do need these friends. I have no one else
8:03
Speaker 1: in my life and I absolutely need some friends and
8:05
Speaker 1: I don't know where else I'm going to make friends.
8:07
Speaker 1: That's one thing that you could consider. But if you're like, no,
8:10
Speaker 1: I actually don't need to have these people in my life.
8:12
Speaker 1: They already were duds for the last six months. It's
8:15
Speaker 1: just proven that I literally don't need them in my life.
8:17
Speaker 1: Then that's something you could think about as well. So
8:20
Speaker 1: I think ultimately, I would only consider having these people
8:25
Speaker 1: back in my life if I was able to truly, truly,
8:28
Speaker 1: truly move past it and not hold it against them.
8:32
Speaker 1: Because resentment hurts you probably more than it hurts the
8:37
Speaker 1: person that you are resenting. It just eats away at you.
8:40
Speaker 1: There's a famous saying that it's like resentment is like
8:45
Speaker 1: drinking poison and hoping that your enemy dies. You really suffer.
8:50
Speaker 1: So I guess the number one thing is I've got
8:52
Speaker 1: to find a way of closing this chapter. It's still information.
8:57
Speaker 1: It's still taught me what I need to know. I'm
8:59
Speaker 1: not forgetting it. You know when people say, oh, forgive
9:02
Speaker 1: and don't forget. That's such a toxic thing. No, it's not.
9:05
Speaker 1: You can forgive, in other words, saying I'm not going
9:07
Speaker 1: to harbor resentment anymore. I'm going to close this chapter,
9:09
Speaker 1: but I'm also not going to forget. You've shown me
9:10
Speaker 1: a very important trait about your character, and if I
9:14
Speaker 1: were to forget this, then I might make the same
9:16
Speaker 1: mistake moving forward. So it's your decision, and only you
9:19
Speaker 1: can make that call, if that demonstration of their character
9:23
Speaker 1: was enough for you to say, I don't want you
9:24
Speaker 1: in my life anymore, or if you've seen them do
9:27
Speaker 1: everything in their power to repair, repair, repair, apologize, show
9:32
Speaker 1: through their behavior that they did the wrong thing, and A,
9:36
Speaker 1: that they've done that in the To an extent that
9:41
Speaker 1: you're like, I've seen growth that you've changed and evolved
9:44
Speaker 1: as a person that I would actually want to have
9:46
Speaker 1: in my life. Because it can't just all be, oh
9:48
Speaker 1: my God, I'm so sorry. I was such a dud.
9:50
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I was such a dud, but not
9:51
Speaker 1: really seeing much else to repair and try and actually
9:54
Speaker 1: create a bond with you. Okay. Try and actually support
9:58
Speaker 1: you moving forward. Are they just apologizing?
10:00
Speaker 2: Now?
10:00
Speaker 1: But, you know, it's still very fresh what happened to you.
10:04
Speaker 1: That doesn't just go away in a year. So are
10:06
Speaker 1: they doing things now to try and support you now?
10:08
Speaker 1: Like what are they doing to go out of their
10:10
Speaker 1: way to actually support other than just really apologize? All
10:14
Speaker 1: these questions are just like they're not loaded questions. They're
10:17
Speaker 1: legitimate questions because I don't know the answer to them. So, yeah.
10:20
Speaker 1: I guess with all of this, you have to put
10:22
Speaker 1: yourself first and don't really think too much about if
10:25
Speaker 1: it's going to affect them or not. You really have
10:26
Speaker 1: to think about how you are going to move through
10:27
Speaker 1: this because you've gone through a fucking really horrible thing.
10:31
Speaker 1: And then you've also got to allow yourself to see
10:34
Speaker 1: the possibility that you can let go of this, not
10:37
Speaker 1: straight away, but let go of it in the sense
10:39
Speaker 1: of like, choose to have that forgiveness and close that chapter.
10:43
Speaker 1: Still remember what happened, but being like, this is what
10:45
Speaker 1: I've learned from it. This is what, you know, I
10:47
Speaker 1: learned about their character, whatever. but I'm not going to
10:49
Speaker 1: hold it against them. I'm going to make peace with it,
10:51
Speaker 1: but I also don't have to be their friend. You
10:53
Speaker 1: can make total peace with the situation and be like,
10:55
Speaker 1: I've still learnt enough about your character and I just
10:57
Speaker 1: don't really want to be your friend. It's kind of
10:59
Speaker 1: like on a much smaller scale, a much smaller scale,
11:03
Speaker 1: you can't even compare it, but it's kind of like
11:05
Speaker 1: if someone cheats on you, right? You are able to
11:08
Speaker 1: maybe come to terms with it and understand maybe why
11:12
Speaker 1: they did it or where they were there and you
11:13
Speaker 1: might know all of these things and therefore you're able
11:15
Speaker 1: to be like, you know what, I forgive that action.
11:17
Speaker 1: But I still don't want to be with you and
11:18
Speaker 1: I don't want you back. So that's what I mean
11:21
Speaker 1: about this idea of like forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation always.
11:25
Speaker 1: It can, but it doesn't have to. I can be like,
11:28
Speaker 1: I forgive you. I'm not going to harbor this hate.
11:29
Speaker 1: I'm not going to hold it against you. I'm going
11:30
Speaker 1: to let it go. I need to live my life.
11:32
Speaker 1: I'm going to move on from this relationship. I also,
11:34
Speaker 1: I'm not going to forget that you cheated because that's
11:36
Speaker 1: a major thing. But I'm done hating. I'm done harboring
11:40
Speaker 1: this thing. I'm done trying to punish you. I'm not
11:42
Speaker 1: going to punish you anymore. That's another thing. Am I
11:45
Speaker 1: going to use my time punishing you or are my
11:49
Speaker 1: actions going to be based around protecting myself? Because if
11:52
Speaker 1: protecting yourself comes across as a punishment, so be it.
11:56
Speaker 1: But protecting yourself should only be about you. It should
11:59
Speaker 1: be like, now, how can I inflict pain or some
12:02
Speaker 1: repercussion for this person? You don't have to think about that.
12:04
Speaker 1: It's just about yourself. So in back to the cheating analogy,
12:09
Speaker 1: if I choose to walk away from a relationship, it's
12:11
Speaker 1: not to punish them, it's to protect myself. It's not
12:13
Speaker 1: to be like, I'm harboring so much hate. It's to
12:15
Speaker 1: be like, I've seen what I needed to say and
12:17
Speaker 1: now I'm going to walk away. So hopefully, I don't
12:20
Speaker 1: know if that's the exact answer that's going to give
12:23
Speaker 1: you what you want to hear, but hopefully you're able
12:27
Speaker 1: to decide based on that, you know, if you can
12:30
Speaker 1: move forward as a friendship with them or if you
12:32
Speaker 1: can move forward and be like, I need to just
12:34
Speaker 1: have peace in my mind and that's my priority. But
12:36
Speaker 1: part of having peace in my mind is actually creating
12:39
Speaker 1: new friendships in my life. And this is not it. Okay.
12:43
Speaker 1: Hopefully that helped. And thank you so much for, thank
12:45
Speaker 1: you so much for sending in your voice message. And
12:47
Speaker 1: I'm just so sorry what you've gone through. Next question.
12:53
Speaker 2: Hi, Alexis.
12:55
Speaker 1: Um, my name's Jess and.
13:05
Speaker 2: I'm just reaching out because I went into a psychic
13:08
Speaker 2: on the weekend, which was incredible. Honestly, gave me so
13:14
Speaker 2: much direction and guidance. I gave her absolutely nothing. And
13:18
Speaker 2: she knew so many details about things that are going
13:22
Speaker 2: on in my life right now. Things that my partner
13:26
Speaker 2: has done. Things that he's apparently still doing. It was, yeah,
13:32
Speaker 2: it was fantastic. And she's given me a lot of
13:35
Speaker 2: guidance about where I'm going to be heading in the
13:39
Speaker 2: future and the things that are going to happen for me.
13:40
Speaker 2: I'm just, I keep thinking about it and thinking, you know,
13:45
Speaker 2: that's great to be hopeful with all of that. But
13:48
Speaker 2: is it that she's told me these things that I'm
13:50
Speaker 2: now going to start manifesting them? Or is that really
13:53
Speaker 2: where my destiny was meant to go? Really odd question.
13:58
Speaker 2: I know, but it's just playing on my mind now
14:00
Speaker 2: and I'm not sure. Um, you know, if I'm just
14:04
Speaker 2: sort of going to change my path based on this
14:06
Speaker 2: because I think that that's where I'm meant to head.
14:10
Speaker 4: Anyway, appreciate your thoughts on it.
14:12
Speaker 2: Thank you.
14:12
Speaker 5: Bye.
14:14
Speaker 1: Awesome question. I also would really love to go to
14:17
Speaker 1: see a psychic one day. I've got one of my
14:19
Speaker 1: friends and she's gone to a psychic a few times
14:21
Speaker 1: and she raves about it and she's like, babe, this
14:24
Speaker 1: is like something you have to do at least once
14:26
Speaker 1: in your life. So it's something I also would love
14:28
Speaker 1: to do. just experience at least once in my life,
14:31
Speaker 1: I think that'd be really cool. Especially when you hear
14:33
Speaker 1: like really mind-blowing stories about, like, I don't know, I
14:36
Speaker 1: don't know much about like the science or if there
14:38
Speaker 1: is anything behind it, but it seems like so many
14:40
Speaker 1: people I speak to have like really mind-blowing stories about
14:44
Speaker 1: encounters they've had with psychics. It's very cool. Now, I
14:50
Speaker 1: am a very firm believer that to an extent, obviously
14:53
Speaker 1: there's many factors that we are so unaware of that
14:56
Speaker 1: do kind of guide where we end up in life and,
14:58
Speaker 1: you know, but to an extent we are the drivers
15:01
Speaker 1: of our life. For some people it's to a massive
15:04
Speaker 1: extent and for some people maybe less, but I do
15:07
Speaker 1: believe that you can take the reins in life and
15:09
Speaker 1: change course and take control of the situation. However, if
15:13
Speaker 1: you hear something that seems like that makes sense, that
15:17
Speaker 1: makes sense, that resonates with who I am, that resonates,
15:21
Speaker 1: that resonates, like for you, you had a very pleasant
15:23
Speaker 1: experience with the psychic and it might all be the truth, right?
15:26
Speaker 1: But you could be like, this feels so real for
15:30
Speaker 1: me and it feels so right. She's spoken about things
15:32
Speaker 1: that have absolutely happened. So because it's all positive things,
15:36
Speaker 1: I think that part of it could, well, A, it
15:38
Speaker 1: could be that she's predicting all these things. I'm not sure.
15:41
Speaker 4: But if it.
15:42
Speaker 1: Feels good, I think there's no harm in kind of
15:45
Speaker 1: that being almost like a kind of a confirmation or
15:49
Speaker 1: like a self-fulfilling prophecy where you then act even stronger
15:54
Speaker 1: and more confidently in those things because you have a
15:56
Speaker 1: stronger belief now that it is going to happen for you.
15:59
Speaker 1: I think when something is positively skewed in that way
16:03
Speaker 1: and it feels so right, then why not add it
16:06
Speaker 1: to part of your journey to help you get there
16:09
Speaker 1: in the most confident and happy way possible.
16:12
Speaker 2: Okay.
16:13
Speaker 1: Now I do know people that have gone to see
16:15
Speaker 1: psychics and they've been like, oof, that's absolutely not at
16:19
Speaker 1: all what I wanted to hear. or that didn't make
16:22
Speaker 1: me feel good at all. Or like, they were a
16:24
Speaker 1: bit like, oh no, I walked out of that feeling
16:26
Speaker 1: like whatever. And then they actively go and change things
16:30
Speaker 1: in their life. So does that mean that what the
16:33
Speaker 1: psychic was saying wasn't happening? Or was it that the
16:36
Speaker 1: fact that let's, let's, let's just for argument's sake, say
16:39
Speaker 1: that everything a psychic says is absolutely the truth.
16:42
Speaker 2: Okay.
16:42
Speaker 1: For the argument of what I'm going to talk about
16:44
Speaker 1: right now. If that was the case, maybe the psychic
16:48
Speaker 1: was saying, if you stay on the path you're staying on,
16:51
Speaker 1: this is what's going to unfold. And maybe having that
16:53
Speaker 1: conversation with the psychic is enough for those people who
16:55
Speaker 1: heard something they didn't want to hear to be like, oh,
16:57
Speaker 1: I need to take the reins and change course. I
17:00
Speaker 1: need to turn it around and turn it into something
17:02
Speaker 1: that I do have control over and it's not going
17:04
Speaker 1: to be that thing. So maybe when you go and
17:07
Speaker 1: see a psychic, possibly, or you could frame it in
17:11
Speaker 1: this way, you could say, if I kept going the
17:14
Speaker 1: way I'm going, this is what would unfold for me,
17:16
Speaker 1: or these are the things that are currently happening in
17:18
Speaker 1: my life if I keep going the way that I'm going.
17:20
Speaker 1: So I guess you could look at it as, well,
17:23
Speaker 1: I should just keep doing what I'm doing, keep focusing
17:25
Speaker 1: on those things, And it seems like those things are
17:28
Speaker 1: ahead for me on this path if I just keep
17:30
Speaker 1: kind of doing what I'm doing and maybe do more
17:31
Speaker 1: of it or maybe go a bit harder on that thing.
17:33
Speaker 1: So for you, you could look at it as this
17:35
Speaker 1: is exactly what I wanted to hear. So I'm just
17:36
Speaker 1: going to lean in even harder. I'm just going to
17:38
Speaker 1: believe myself even more. I'm going to just trust what
17:40
Speaker 1: I'm doing, stay on this path, but with more gusto.
17:43
Speaker 1: Versus if you hear something you don't like, you're like, okay, well,
17:45
Speaker 1: maybe you could interpret that as this is an indication
17:48
Speaker 1: that if nothing changed, that would be the outcome. if
17:51
Speaker 1: you believe in it. And then you could turn around
17:53
Speaker 1: and be like, all right, good to know. I need
17:55
Speaker 1: to change what I'm doing. So that isn't the outcome.
17:57
Speaker 1: That's kind of how I would look at it. Now,
17:59
Speaker 1: of course, I'm not a psychic. I don't understand exactly
18:03
Speaker 1: if it means no matter what you do, this is
18:05
Speaker 1: the outcome or these will be the outcomes if nothing
18:08
Speaker 1: changes as far as your day-to-day life, your relationships and
18:11
Speaker 1: your behavior. But yeah, that's kind of how I like
18:14
Speaker 1: to look at it. And I feel like it makes
18:15
Speaker 1: it so much more empowering. And it makes your experience
18:19
Speaker 1: with the psychic feel very valid and real and empowering,
18:22
Speaker 1: but it also still puts the power in your hands
18:24
Speaker 1: to be like, I can change course. I can take
18:26
Speaker 1: control of my life and my situations to a degree.
18:29
Speaker 1: Obviously there's certain factors in our life that we don't
18:32
Speaker 1: have control over. There's certain factors in our life that,
18:34
Speaker 1: you know, there are many things that happen to us
18:37
Speaker 1: in our life, but among all these things that happen
18:39
Speaker 1: to us, there's many things that we can sort of
18:42
Speaker 1: choose to experience and choose to walk away from and
18:44
Speaker 1: choose to lean into or lean away from. So that's
18:47
Speaker 1: how I would look at it personally. But that was
18:49
Speaker 1: a really cool question.
18:49
Speaker 2: I love it.
18:50
Speaker 1: And yeah, stay tuned because I should go and see
18:52
Speaker 1: a psychic. Now, if anyone's listening who is a psychic,
18:55
Speaker 1: maybe just like send me an email. Is it good
18:58
Speaker 1: to see a psychic that knows stuff about you? Or
19:01
Speaker 1: are you better off seeing a psychic that knows nothing
19:03
Speaker 1: about you? I don't know if it makes a difference. Anyway,
19:07
Speaker 1: last question, last question.
19:11
Speaker 4: Hey Alexis, I hope this voice message finds you well.
19:16
Speaker 4: Recently I watched all 10 seasons of the TV show
19:20
Speaker 4: Friends and the thing that stuck with me the most
19:23
Speaker 4: while watching and even afterwards was Chandler's character and how
19:28
Speaker 4: its essence was built around humor and sarcasm and how
19:32
Speaker 4: it eventually became the key part of his personality. So
19:38
Speaker 4: I'm very curious about whether people can develop a better
19:45
Speaker 4: sense of humor or is it actually possible to improve?
19:51
Speaker 4: one's sense of humor or is it just a fixed
19:53
Speaker 4: thing and how can we use our style of humor
19:58
Speaker 4: to our advantages in day-to-day life but also whether it
20:05
Speaker 4: has effects on mental health. uh thank you for listening
20:12
Speaker 4: and um I wish you the best love.
20:15
Speaker 5: You that is such a cool question I really really
20:19
Speaker 5: like that question firstly love that you watched all the
20:22
Speaker 5: 10 seasons I love any kind of you know um
20:26
Speaker 5: revisit of a bunch of seasons of anything that was
20:28
Speaker 5: done like in the 90s and early.
20:29
Speaker 4: 2000s so.
20:31
Speaker 1: I'm here for it. Now, the question is, well, there's
20:34
Speaker 1: a few questions. One of the questions that you said was,
20:37
Speaker 1: can you build on humor or is it a fixed trait? 100%,
20:42
Speaker 1: you can become a funnier person. But there are certain
20:46
Speaker 1: requirements in order to become a funnier person. And this
20:50
Speaker 1: is where many people lack. And this is why many
20:52
Speaker 1: people struggle. You need to be able to read the room.
20:57
Speaker 1: Some people think they're funny. And therefore, they continue with
21:01
Speaker 1: the same kind of humor. Prime example, dad jokes, okay?
21:07
Speaker 1: They continue on the same humor again and again because
21:10
Speaker 1: they look at the feedback that they're getting, but they're
21:12
Speaker 1: not really good at looking at like nuance in feedback.
21:16
Speaker 1: What's a real laugh? What's a fake laugh? There's a
21:19
Speaker 1: difference between someone going, versus someone being like, I can't,
21:23
Speaker 1: oh my God. And then trying to add to it.
21:24
Speaker 1: And then you're trying to add to it and then
21:25
Speaker 1: trying to add to it.
21:26
Speaker 2: Okay.
21:27
Speaker 1: Then there's the humor of, I heard a joke. I'm
21:31
Speaker 1: going to rehearse this joke. That doesn't make you funny.
21:34
Speaker 1: Someone that can rehearse a joke isn't a funny person
21:38
Speaker 1: in general. A funny person has to be able to
21:41
Speaker 1: make good observations and turn them into something witty in
21:45
Speaker 1: the moment. And that can be practiced. Some of the
21:48
Speaker 1: best comedians are the best at observing life and human behavior.
21:53
Speaker 1: They'll turn the most mundane behavior or trait and the
21:56
Speaker 1: way they frame it and the way they kind of
21:59
Speaker 1: narrate about this very mundane trait that humans do or
22:02
Speaker 1: whatever makes it so funny because people are able to
22:05
Speaker 1: look at something relatively mundane and find it really funny.
22:07
Speaker 1: They're also able to put themselves in other people's shoes
22:11
Speaker 1: that when someone's genuinely funny, they look at, they understand
22:15
Speaker 1: perspective of how someone else would see this thing. And
22:18
Speaker 1: from their angle, would they find that funny? Okay. So
22:21
Speaker 1: for example, someone whose humor is all about embarrassing someone
22:25
Speaker 1: and putting someone down, then most of the time getting
22:27
Speaker 1: a nervous laugh and they're not often getting a laugh
22:29
Speaker 1: from the person that is the subject of what they're
22:32
Speaker 1: laughing at or trying to make funny.
22:34
Speaker 4: Okay.
22:35
Speaker 1: So, There's many different things that you can practice to
22:39
Speaker 1: become genuinely funny and it doesn't happen overnight. Another thing
22:43
Speaker 1: that I would recommend is pay attention to the people
22:45
Speaker 1: that you're around because I know that I am a
22:49
Speaker 1: lot funnier when I hang around certain people and when
22:53
Speaker 1: I'm in a certain mood versus others. I can be,
22:56
Speaker 1: if I'm in a very specific mood with my sister
23:00
Speaker 1: and my two cousins and we go on this tangent
23:02
Speaker 1: and we're very, very... like the hypothetical scenarios that we create.
23:09
Speaker 1: It's like one feeds off the other, feeds off the other,
23:11
Speaker 1: feeds off the other. And it's kind of like a
23:13
Speaker 1: sentence on top of the sentence on top of the sentence.
23:14
Speaker 1: And then we've created the most fucked up hypothetical scenario.
23:18
Speaker 1: We're all in tears, laughing. So that's one kind of
23:21
Speaker 1: humor that I really delve into. Then there's the other
23:23
Speaker 1: kind of humor when I'm talking to one of my
23:25
Speaker 1: best friends, Lucy. Lucy and I keep bang, bang, bang, bang,
23:27
Speaker 1: bang on the craziest tension about really bad advice that
23:30
Speaker 1: you could give people. So that's our kind of humor
23:32
Speaker 1: where we just talk about scenarios of the worst possible
23:35
Speaker 1: advice that you could give people. And we are in
23:37
Speaker 1: tears of laughter doing that.
23:40
Speaker 4: Okay.
23:40
Speaker 1: So there's, you have to ask yourself, who am I around?
23:44
Speaker 1: And does it bring out the funny me or not?
23:47
Speaker 1: Because when you start to spend more time with people
23:50
Speaker 1: that bring out the funny side in you, you can
23:52
Speaker 1: nurture that skills. And then you can bring that skill
23:57
Speaker 1: to other situations as well. Like if appropriate in the workplace,
24:01
Speaker 1: if appropriate to a complete stranger or to different friendship groups,
24:04
Speaker 1: you can like dabble into that funny side of you.
24:07
Speaker 1: But I think it genuinely requires you to be able
24:11
Speaker 1: to practice it with someone you're really comfortable with. You know,
24:13
Speaker 1: people that you could talk about hypothetical scenarios, you could
24:15
Speaker 1: talk about this depending on the kind of humor that
24:17
Speaker 1: you enjoy. Another good way is if you really want
24:21
Speaker 1: to like lean into what makes, you know, people funny
24:25
Speaker 1: is actually go and do, you know, like I actually went,
24:29
Speaker 1: you're going to fucking die. When I was 19 years old,
24:31
Speaker 1: I did a standup comedy course, right? And part of
24:35
Speaker 1: this standup comedy course, it went for like 15 weeks
24:37
Speaker 1: or whatever. I was the youngest one in the group.
24:40
Speaker 1: There were people from all different walks of life. There
24:42
Speaker 1: was two priests. There were two priests. They were brilliant.
24:45
Speaker 1: There was this, a police officer. There was this chick
24:48
Speaker 1: and we're in the circle introducing ourselves for the first time.
24:50
Speaker 1: This girl gets up and she's talking about, um, the
24:54
Speaker 1: ins and outs of how she designed this perfect bong, right?
24:57
Speaker 1: And she's like, and I've made this bong in this
24:59
Speaker 1: way and this and that. And I don't know what
25:01
Speaker 1: led her to do that as her intro on the
25:03
Speaker 1: first day of class. And then she sits down talking
25:05
Speaker 1: about how she's doing all of this and where she
25:07
Speaker 1: got her marijuana from, whatever. And then the next guy
25:09
Speaker 1: stands up. He's like, so I'm a police officer. Anyway,
25:12
Speaker 1: so it was just like, it was brilliant. This course
25:14
Speaker 1: was amazing. And it taught us so much about how
25:18
Speaker 1: storytelling is one of the best ways to be funny.
25:21
Speaker 1: when you can tell a good story in a way
25:23
Speaker 1: that captivates the audience with being specific on when is
25:26
Speaker 1: it appropriate to go on a tangent, when have you
25:28
Speaker 1: just lost the audience on a tangent. It taught us
25:31
Speaker 1: so much about the concept of storytelling and being funny
25:35
Speaker 1: is very rarely, sometimes, but very rarely where you rehearse
25:37
Speaker 1: a joke that you've learned somewhere else. Rarely, okay? That
25:40
Speaker 1: works here and there, but it doesn't make you a
25:41
Speaker 1: funny person. It's like, oh, you're good at remembering a
25:43
Speaker 1: joke that someone else told. Funny person is someone who's
25:46
Speaker 1: a good narrator of life or a good storyteller in
25:48
Speaker 1: the moment. And how you tell the story and the
25:50
Speaker 1: kind of details you bring in. Anyway, long story short,
25:53
Speaker 1: I did my entire stand up. It was like a
25:55
Speaker 1: five minute piece in front of like a full packed
25:58
Speaker 1: out comedy club by the end of it. And unintentionally,
26:02
Speaker 1: I did the whole thing with my zipper undone. Like
26:05
Speaker 1: my fly was completely all the way down. And that
26:07
Speaker 1: was not part of the gig. So I'm like, well,
26:10
Speaker 1: I had to pretend that it was. I didn't even
26:12
Speaker 1: notice until I walked off stage. So I didn't even
26:13
Speaker 1: address it. And then other people in the class were like, oh,
26:16
Speaker 1: I love the detail. If you fly down, I'm like, what? Anyway,
26:20
Speaker 1: so do something like that. Join a stand-up comedy thing
26:24
Speaker 1: or an improv class. Even if you think you're shit,
26:26
Speaker 1: even if you're never going to perform, like you could
26:28
Speaker 1: join being, I'm never getting on stage. but you learn
26:31
Speaker 1: a lot about what truly makes someone funny. But yeah,
26:37
Speaker 1: I would say number one, absorbing things around. Number two,
26:39
Speaker 1: make sure who you're hanging out with and who brings
26:41
Speaker 1: out the funny in you and try and spend more
26:43
Speaker 1: time with these people. Number three, get very good at
26:45
Speaker 1: reading the room. At the end of the day, if
26:47
Speaker 1: you don't have good self-awareness, your ability to be funny
26:50
Speaker 1: is going to be limited, okay? Because you have to
26:54
Speaker 1: be able to read different kinds of people and what
26:56
Speaker 1: you think is going to make them laugh versus someone
26:59
Speaker 1: else laugh. And the last thing that you said, you
27:02
Speaker 1: spoke about does comedy help like, you know, mentally and
27:07
Speaker 1: with mental health and all of that. Absolutely. Comedy is
27:09
Speaker 1: a major coping mechanism for a lot of people and
27:12
Speaker 1: it actually is very helpful. It's not the only thing.
27:16
Speaker 1: It can sometimes actually serve as kind of like a
27:20
Speaker 1: shield that people hide behind because unfortunately some of the
27:24
Speaker 1: funniest people in the world are also depressed and quite
27:27
Speaker 1: sad at home. So it's important to note that comedy
27:30
Speaker 1: alone isn't going to be what turns things around if
27:33
Speaker 1: you actually are struggling from a mental health condition, because
27:35
Speaker 1: it sometimes can be something that you hide behind. Mixed
27:41
Speaker 1: with other things, it can actually be a very good
27:44
Speaker 1: coping mechanism if you do it alongside other things. So, yes,
27:48
Speaker 1: I think comedy and humour and all of that is
27:52
Speaker 1: very healthy for you, but it's not the be-all, end-all
27:55
Speaker 1: solution if you're struggling with something mentally or psychologically. Cool beans. Now,
28:01
Speaker 1: if I ever find a video of me doing my
28:05
Speaker 1: stand-up when I was 19 years old, I will... resurrect
28:10
Speaker 1: it from the dead and I promise you I will
28:13
Speaker 1: release a video version of it on YouTube. So good times. Yeah,
28:18
Speaker 1: you'll be able to feast your eyes on my fly
28:20
Speaker 1: being zipped down. Anyway, that is all for the episode
28:24
Speaker 1: of today. Thank you so much for sending in your
28:27
Speaker 1: voice messages. If you want to send in your voice
28:29
Speaker 1: message and have your beautiful voice on display to the
28:32
Speaker 1: beans of Do You Fucking Mind, then you can send
28:34
Speaker 1: it in at www.doyoufuckingmind.com. dyfmpod.com. The website has at the menu,
28:40
Speaker 1: just go there and it's like send a voice message
28:43
Speaker 1: or a voice note, I should say. And then if
28:45
Speaker 1: you prefer an email, a little bit more anonymous because
28:48
Speaker 1: we can't really hear the stuff. Well, I love the
28:50
Speaker 1: voice messages because of the accents, but sometimes an email
28:53
Speaker 1: people get say what they want to say across in
28:55
Speaker 1: a way that makes them feel more comfortable, whatever. So
28:57
Speaker 1: if you prefer that, just go info at dyfmpod.com and
29:03
Speaker 1: we will read out your to the whole audience. Anyway,
29:08
Speaker 1: that is all for today's podcast. Thank you so much.
29:10
Speaker 1: Go subscribe to my sub stack if you haven't yet already.
29:14
Speaker 1: As always, remember, be kind to yourself, be kind to
29:15
Speaker 1: your brain. Don't take shit from anyone and especially don't
29:19
Speaker 1: take shit from yourself. Danke!