Latest / Andy Stanley Sermons / Andy Stanley - Mean People... And What To Do About Them, Part 1 Even Is Easy

Transcript

Andy Stanley - Mean People... And What To Do About Them, Part 1 Even Is Easy · Andy Stanley Sermons

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: So today is part one of a two-part series entitled
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Mean People and What to Do About Them. Mean People
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: and What to Do About Them. I thought about entitling
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: this series Bad People and What to Do About Them,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: but we hesitate to call anybody bad. We say things
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: like this. He's really not a bad person, and that's
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: what we say. He's really not a bad person. He
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: just does bad things like a lot, which I think
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: that's what it means to be a bad person. But
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: so we're not going to do bad person. We're going
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: to do mean person. We're going to stick with mean people,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: mean people. And specifically, what should we do about the
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: mean people in our lives? And by mean, I mean mean.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: These are the unpleasant people. These are the deceptive people.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: These are the people that control us with time or
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: money or with our These are the users. They're just unkind.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: It may be that person that when you see them coming,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: you just don't wanna interact with them because, well, there's
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: just no other way to say it. They're just mean.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: To be clear, this isn't to say that we're not
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: often mean. I mean, all of us have been mean
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: at some point. In fact, there's somebody maybe who's gonna
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: see or hear this message, and unfortunately, we're gonna come
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: to mind. But generally, what we talk about when we're
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: together is how to live a life in such a
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: way and to live our lives in such a way
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: that we're not the mean people. So we're not discounting
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: the fact that from time to time, we can be
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: mean and certainly have the potential to be perhaps the
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: meanest person we've ever met. But these two messages are
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: gonna focus on how to respond to and how to
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: react to the mean people in our lives. Now, the
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: reason this is so important is this, is if you
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: don't have a plan, and if I don't have a plan,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: if we're not prepared, and honestly, as we're gonna see,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: if we're not somewhat proactive, here's what happens, and we've
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: all experienced this. The mean people, the mean people in
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: our lives, ultimately, they gain a measure of control over
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: our lives and before we know it, we're actually acting
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: like they do and it feels in the moment as
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: if we have no choice. In fact, if somebody were
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: to hear your story or when you tell your story
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: and you talk about how you've reacted to or responded
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: to the person that is mean to you, The person
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: that hears your story is like, well, who could blame you?
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: It's almost like you have no choice. And the reason
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: it feels like we have no choice is this, that
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: mean people, and we don't think in these terms when
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: we're in the relationship, but mean people, without even meaning to,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: they just keep us off balance. We're just always off balance.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: We don't know what we're walking into. We don't know
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: how to respond. They kinda lean left and we kinda
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: lean right because when we're off balance, what happens? We're forced.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: to compensate. This is why in these relationships, you feel
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: like you're not even yourself. In fact, somebody may have
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: said to you, you know, when you're around him, when
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: you're around her, when you're together, I feel like you're
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: not even yourself. Why? Because, well, when we're around these
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: kinds of people, we are forced to compensate. If somebody
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: walks up and pushes you off balance, everything in you,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: you compensate to regain your balance. But the problem with
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: a mean person is it is impossible, it is virtually
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: impossible to maintain and keep your balance. I'll give you
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: a quick illustration that actually is a long illustration I'm
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: gonna try to keep short. When my mom, who died
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: when she was 82, when my mom was in her
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: late 30s, she met a young woman in her late
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: 20s that she helped out, and they became lifelong friends.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Her name is Alice. And Alice actually used to stay
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: with my sister and me when my parents would go
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: out of town. So I've known Alice basically my whole life.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: So then when my mom was in her 70s, and
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: basically she couldn't drive anymore, and she really needed some
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: help at home, Alice would actually drive 45 minutes from
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: her home, now Alice is in her late 60s, she
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: would drive from her home, 45 minutes to my mom's
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: home every single week to go through my mom's mail,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: pay my mom's bills, balance my mom's checkbook, and just
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: answer any questions and just spend time with my mom,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: which I was so grateful for. So my mom invested
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: in her, now she's investing in my mom. And again,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: it took so much pressure off of me, so extraordinarily grateful.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: So as my mom, near the end of her life,
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: and as she was less and less able to take
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: care of herself, Alice began to lose her sight. And
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: before long, she couldn't drive any longer. And she was
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: basically a shut-in in her own home. And then Sandra,
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: my wife, began doing for Alice what Alice had done
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: for my mom. She would go over, drive over every
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: single week, go through the mail, pay the bills, balance
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: the checkbook, and just answer any questions that she had.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: And so she was kind of giving back based on
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: what Alice had so graciously done from my mom. So
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: as time goes by, it becomes clear to us that
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Alice can't stay in her house any longer because technically
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: she was living alone. We'll come back to that in
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: just a minute. And so Sandra convinced Alice that she
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: needed to move to assisted living. Now, if anyone here
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: has ever moved a parent or a spouse's parent to
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: assisted living, it is so complicated. But it's even more
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: complicated when we're trying to move somebody who is not
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: a family member. So Sandra got an attorney. She became
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: Alice's official legal power of attorney. And then she got
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: another friend of Alice's to become Alice's physical or medical
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: power of attorney. So there's kind of team Alice. But
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: because Alice had never married, she had no kids, she'd
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: pretty much outlived almost all of her friends and certainly
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: her parents and her brother and sister. And so she's
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: alone in the world. And so we're gonna take care
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: of Alice. So about nine months before the process began
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: to get her into assisted living. So the goal was
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: get her in assisted living. In fact, Sandra found a
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: place two miles from our house because we're committed to
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Alice for the rest of her life. She found this
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: place and Alice could almost afford it based with her
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: pension and with her social security, but there was gonna
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: be a gap. So the goal is get her out,
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: clean out her house, sell her stuff, sell the house,
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: get a little bit of equity, put the money in
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: the bank, and we'll just go from there. So that's
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: the plan, very complicated, especially when you're not related to
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: the person. Well, anyway, about eight or nine months before
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: that process began, an old friend of Alice's showed up
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: at her front door, a gentleman in his late 60s,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: keeping all that straight, And he said, Alice, I'm destitute.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: I don't have a place to live. I've been living
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: in my car. It's getting cold. Would it be okay
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: if I moved in with you for just a few months? Now,
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Alice had been warned, and later we were warned, that
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: this guy's name is Roger, that if you let Roger
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: move in, you're gonna have a difficult time getting Roger
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: to move out. She had been told that, and she'd
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: known him for a while, and somebody told us that
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: when we heard about Roger moving in, but she allowed
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: him to move into one of her spare bedrooms, and actually, honestly,
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: he was pretty helpful because he could drive and he
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: could take her to her doctor's visits. He would bring
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: us the mail sometimes. He seemed like the nicest guy,
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: And I couldn't imagine this was gonna be a problem. Besides,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: he knew we're gonna sell her house. And so if
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: we sell her house, you'll probably have to move out
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: by that point, right? So I felt like there was
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: kind of a built-in deadline. This wouldn't be a problem.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: So sure enough, he was pretty helpful. We did, or
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Sandra did, I should say, I wouldn't say estate sale.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: It was more garage sale than estate sale, if you
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. There wasn't a whole lot to sell,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: but we had an estate sale or a garage sale.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Roger was actually helpful. He actually even bought some of
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: her stuff to put in his storage unit that he
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: said he had, which was great. Now he wasn't paying
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: any rent, wasn't paying any bills, wasn't buying any groceries.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: He was, I mean, there was no cash outlet. He
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: was living for free for all these months. And so
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: we finally have, we get Alice moved to this assisted
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: living place close to us. That was an event. We
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: get the house cleaned out, we do this big garage sale.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Sandra puts signs out that the house is gonna go
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: up for sale. And you know, the real estate market
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: right now is so hot, so she starts getting calls.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: So now, she's gotta show the house, but now the
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: house is completely empty. I mean, she sold everything and
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: then threw everything else away. Just a mammoth task, if
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: you've ever done that for someone. And so Sandra's riding
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: point on this whole process. And then we got to
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: show the house. But the problem is there's, you know,
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: come see this house. It's completely empty, except, oh yeah,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: don't go in that bedroom. There's a air mattress with
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: some clothes in the closet and a computer on the floor.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: You know, don't mind the guy camping out in the house. So,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: you know, it's going to be kind of hard to
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: show this house, right? Well, so she starts showing the house.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: And so we're like, Roger, okay, thank you. You got
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: to go. And he just ignores us. So Sandra gives
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: him a deadline. He, you know, gives him three weeks.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: By this date, he agreed that, hey, on that Monday,
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: I'll be gone. Monday comes, Monday goes again. he's still there,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: and it becomes apparent he's not moving out. In fact,
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: because Alice isn't living in the house right now, Sandra
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: shut off all the unnecessary utilities, including the television, and
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: she gets a bill from the television provider. She calls
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: and says, no, I canceled that. And the person on
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: the other end of the line said, well, somebody called
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: and had it turned back on. And Roger had called
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: the television provider and had the television service turned back on.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: And Sandra left the internet on because he said he
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: needed internet. So this begins to escalate and escalate and escalate.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: So one night, and it becomes, it's all we're thinking
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: about and talking about. Every day I come home, I'm like,
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: have you heard from Roger? Have you talked to Roger?
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: Has Roger moved out? And we've got all these other
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: people that are like, you know, we've got to get
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Roger out, but it's kind of resting on us. So
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: we're sitting on the couch late one afternoon. Sandra calls Roger.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: I said, put it on, you know, on speakerphone. And
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: of course, I'm trying not to get involved because Sandra
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: throughout the process has said, Andy, you cannot get involved
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: because I wanted to get involved. And I only had
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: one tool. I wanna use my tool. And she's like,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: you can't use your tool. So they have this conversation, speakerphone,
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: and he is so rude to Sandra. I've never heard
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: anyone speak to my wife this way. I was so angry.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: And she's kind of leaning this way, and I'm reaching
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: for the phone. I just wanna take the phone and say,
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: and she's like, no, no, no. And he's saying, I'm
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: gonna sue you. You can't kick me out. The law
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: doesn't allow you to kick out a renter. I'm like, renter?
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: That assumes rent. I mean, this guy's paid nothing. He's
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: taken advantage of an 80-year-old woman. We're trying to close
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: her house so we can put money in the bank
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: because there's a monthly gap between her pension and Social
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: Security to stay in this assisted living place. And he
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: is so rude to Sandra. Okay, this is how bad
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: it gets. So we get a contract on the house,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: it's full price offer plus no contingencies, it's perfect, it's
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: more money than we thought we could get for Alice's
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: house and she so desperately needs this money. And so Roger,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: you're gonna think I'm making this up, Roger finds out
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: who the purchaser's agent is and goes to the office
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: of the purchasing agent, the person representing the family buying
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: the house. goes in and says, I need you to
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: know this is gonna be a fraudulent closing. Yes, the
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: woman who claims to have power of attorney over this
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: old person has manipulated the old person to get power
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: of attorney and she has no legal right to do
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: this and I'm not moving out and you need to
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: be careful. and is gonna ruin this closing that Sandra
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: has worked so hard to get us to the finish line,
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: we're almost there. So of course the purchasing agent calls
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: the seller's agent, Alice's agent, and all of a sudden
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: we're about to lose this whole deal. How do you
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: think we responded to all this? I mean, what's our response? Well,
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: you can imagine because you can imagine your response. Do
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: you know what we did? And this is kind of embarrassing,
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: and I'm not even gonna give you the details, it's
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: so embarrassing. We sat around day after day, night after night,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: coming up with the most devious, manipulative ways you can
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: imagine to get Roger out of the house. I'm telling you,
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: there were times we'd just listen to each other and think,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: who are we, who have we become? We had a
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: pesticide option I won't even go into. No lie. Then
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: I said, you know what? I know some kind of
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: other crazy people. We should just invite some other people
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: to live in the house, live in Alice's house with
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: Roger until he finally gets fed up and moves. There
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: was the turn off the electricity and the water option,
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: which we could have done because, you know, Alice is
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: paying bills for, I mean, there are others I won't
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: even go into, but we realized what was happening. We're
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: We're starting to become like Roger. We're becoming like him.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: We don't even like him. It was all we talked
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: about to the point, honestly. It was as if Roger
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: had moved in with us because it so focused our
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: attention every single day. How do we get Roger out
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: of the house before this closing? We couldn't even believe
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: somebody would give us a contract, give Atlas a contract
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: on the house because they'd never seen the house empty
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: because there's a guy camping out in one of the bedrooms. Now,
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: in part two, I'm gonna come back and tell you
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: how that story resolved. So yeah, I know, okay, okay,
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: sorry to do that. But the point is simply this,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: and you know this, it is so difficult, it is
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: so difficult to be good to people who just aren't good, right?
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: No matter what kind of faith you have, in the moment,
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: it is so difficult to be kind to people who
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: just seems like in their heart, they're just unkind or
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: sensitive to people who are insensitive. The golden rule, it
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: just doesn't seem to apply. You know, the golden rule,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: do unto others as you would have others. What is it? Do, yeah,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: do unto you. And this is great until somebody mistreats you.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: And it's great until somebody mistreats me or mistreats somebody
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: that I love. And for me, in this particular story,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: it's a It's a double-edged sword because I loved Alice
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: and I wanted to help Alice, but I was watching
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: my wife be mistreated at the same time and I'm
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: supposed to do unto Roger as I would have Roger
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: do unto me? And suddenly the golden rule is out
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: the window. Now it's the iron rule. I just made
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: this up, but you understand the iron rule. It's do
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: unto others as they have done unto you, right? And
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: this doesn't only feel natural. It doesn't only just feel
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: natural to treat people the way they've treated us. in
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: the moment, it just seems right. It just seems fair.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: And in fact, if I were to go into detail
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: about some of these crazy ideas we had to get
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Roger out of the house, after hearing just the part
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: of the story I've told you, you would be like, well, yeah.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, why wouldn't you do all that? It just
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: seems right. It seems fair. It seems just. It seems even.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: And then there's this, and maybe this is a little
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: close to home because maybe this is maybe part of
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: your story, or maybe part of your story growing up,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: or maybe it's part of the story of your first marriage.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: When we're mistreated in a relationship and we feel powerless
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: to do anything about it, again, we're off balance, we compensate,
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: but sometimes we compensate not in the relationship with the
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: person that threw us off balance, you've seen this happen,
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: we compensate in another relationship, we compensate somewhere with somebody else.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: I'll take it out on you because I can't take
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: it out on him. I can't take it out on her.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: I can't get back at them. I can't go back
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: into the office and take it out on the people
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: that mistreated me at work. But I've got all this energy,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: I'm off balance. And then it's due unto others. It's
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: due unto others as someone else has done unto you.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: So round and round and round it goes. And you
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: know what? We've all been there at some level. Maybe
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: not a big level, but at some level, we've all
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: been a part of this dynamic. So here's the question.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: Here's what we're talking about. What do we do? I mean,
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: what do you do about the mean people? Maybe it
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: was your ex, maybe it's a neighbor, maybe it's a boss,
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: a sister, a sister-in-law, and there's just no way to
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: extricate yourself from the relationship because of the nature of
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: the relationship, but they're just mean. And it's fun, I'll
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: admit it, it's fun to daydream about getting even, but
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: the problem, of course, is, and you know this, is
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: that getting even makes us even. Getting even makes us
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: even with someone that we don't even like. It makes
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: us like someone that we dislike. So what do we do?
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: You can't ignore them, right? That's impossible. And if you
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: ignore them, you know what they do, right? They just
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: keep chipping away, chipping away, chipping away. And eventually we
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: break and we react. And it's like we've given them
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: even more power over us. So ignoring them isn't the
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: way forward and getting even isn't the way forward. But fortunately,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: there's a third option. It's a third option that It's
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: not intuitive. It's a third option that actually decreases their
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: power over us. And honestly, it's the third option that
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: allows us to guard and protect our hearts, and it
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: positions us, when this is said and done, to tell
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: a much better story. Of course, the way forward is
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: taught and modeled by Jesus, but it's also modeled in
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: the Old Testament by a relatively unknown individual whose life
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: intersects with the life of David. Now, many of us,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: if you grew up around church or in church, are
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: familiar with who King David was, but this event doesn't
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: take place when he's King David or even shepherd boy David,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: this event takes place when he is fugitive David. After
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: David as a teenager killed Goliath, you remember that story,
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: he becomes a hero, a national hero in Israel, in
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: ancient Israel. And so King Saul, the king at the time,
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: draws him in close because David's a leader, he's a
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: national hero, you wanna keep your friends close, you wanna
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: keep your potential rivals even closer. And then King Saul
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: gets word that some rogue prophet has gone to David's
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: home as a little boy and anointed David to be
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: the next king of Israel. Now this is a real
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: problem if you're already the king. Because not only do
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: you wanna finish out your years as king, you want
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: your son, in his case, Jonathan, to become the next king.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: So this is now, now this is messing with his dynasty.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: So King Saul tries to kill David. David escapes. He
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: becomes a fugitive. He's living out in the wilderness. He's
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: had to leave his family over time because he's a leader.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: He attracts other men like him, other angry, mistreated outlaws
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: before long. He has his own little miniature army of
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: about 600 men, plus their wives and all their stuff.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: And they're just, they're outcast from society. They have no
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: place to call home. And they're all angry because each
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: of them have their own story of being mistreated and
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: the injustice that had happened. under King Saul. So, and
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: David's got all this anger and all this frustration, and
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: of course, like any of us, he's looking for a
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: place to sort of take it out, somebody to take
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: it out on, because King Saul is untouchable. And in
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: this story, he finally finds a victim, and that's where
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: the story picks up. So I'll read part of the story,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: and then we're gonna stop in the middle, pick it
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: up next time. So here's what happens. A certain man,
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: this is in 1 Samuel 25, And Samuel is essentially
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: David's biographer, in a sense. A certain man in Mon
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: who had property there in Carmel was very wealthy. He
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: had 1,000 goats. You know, you read this in ancient times,
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: it's like, for us, it's like, what would you do
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: with 1,000 goats? Anyway, so he had 1,000 goats. He
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: had garages full of cars, think of it that way.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: He had 3,000 sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel,
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: and his name, his name was Nabal. Sheep shearing season
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: in ancient times, this is when wealthy people found out
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: how much wealthier they had just become. This was like,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: it's like a financial report, an annual financial report. He's
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: about to find out how much wealthier he just became
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: based on how many sheep were actually alive to be
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: sheared and the product they had as a result that
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: they could then sell. So he's, again, he's about, this
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: is a good day. This is a great day for him.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: He's about, again, the rich just get richer. He's about
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: to find out how much profit he turns. So the
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: story continues. His name was Nabal and his wife's name
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: was Abigail. She was an intelligent and powerful woman. beautiful woman,
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: but her husband was harsh and mean in his dealings.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: In fact, his name actually means heavy, and this Hebrew
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: word here actually means heavy. He was basically a pain
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: to deal with. He was a burden to deal with.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: He was, in fact, the text tells us, he was
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: just a mean person. Text continues, while David and his
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: men were in the wilderness, he heard that Nabal was
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: shearing sheep. So he's like, hey, this rich guy's about
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: to get richer. So he sent 10 of his young
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: men and he said to them, I want you to
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: give Nabal a message. Go up to Nabal at Carmel
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: and greet him in my name. So when you show up,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: let everybody know you're coming in David's name and say
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: to him, greet him this way. Say, long life to you, Nabal.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Good health to you and your household and good health
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: to all that is yours. This was a formal greeting.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: ancient greeting that basically said, I come in peace. And
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: then make sure you give him the message, and here's
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: the message. When your shepherds, when your shepherds were with us,
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: we did not mistreat them. The whole time they were
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: at Carmel, nothing of theirs went missing. In other words,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: while your shepherds were out watching over their flocks by night,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: night after night after night during that season, our men
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: were all around them all the time and we never
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: stole anything. So there's a sense in which your profit,
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: your profit is due in part to our protection. Not
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: only do we not allow our men to steal anything
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: from you, we didn't allow the other rogues in the
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: area to steal anything from you as well. And he said,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: and if you don't take my word for it, the
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: message continues this way. Ask your own servants and they'll
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: tell you. Therefore, be favorable toward my men since we
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: come at a festive time. And please, if you would,
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: please give your servants and your son David whatever you
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: can find for them. In other words, you're gonna have extra.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: We kinda helped you create that extra. If you wouldn't
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: mind sharing with us, that would be great. So when
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: David's men arrived, they went to Carmel. When they arrived,
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: they gave Nabal this message in David's name. And then
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: they waited, and they waited, and they waited. because Nabal
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: was making them wait. Now, while they're waiting on Nabal,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: I just wanna say a word about David. And this
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: is gonna be difficult for some of us, again, based
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: on our view of David growing up in Sunday school
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: or church, When you read his biography, David was a
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: very violent man. He was not someone to be trifled with.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: When he lived in the land of the Philistines, he
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: regularly raided Philistine villages and would murder every single person
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: in the village so there would be no one left
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: to tell the tale. In fact, his biographer describes it
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: this way, that whenever David attacked an area, he did
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: not leave a man or a woman but took sheep
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: and cattle, donkeys and camels and all the clothing. So
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: he was a dangerous and violent man, even by ancient standards.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: So Nabal should have known better because certainly he knew
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: the reputation of David's the warrior, so anyway, he keeps
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: them waiting, but eventually Nabal sends his answer, or perhaps
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: he comes out and gives the answer himself, it's not clear.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Nabal answered, here's what he said. Nabal answered David's servants,
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: who is this David? You come in David's name, who
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: is David? Who is this son of Jesse? So he
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: knew who David was, but he's like, you know what, yeah,
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: we've heard of David, and you think he's such a
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: big deal, he's not such a big deal, who is
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: this guy? Hey, come on, he's just one of many.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: Your master is a nobody. Your master is an outlaw.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: I didn't ask for his help. I didn't need his help.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I don't owe him anything. So no, I'm not gonna
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: share with David and his band of merry men, you
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: are dismissed. Why? He says, why? Why should I take
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: my bread and water and the meat I have slaughtered
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: for my shearers and give it to men coming from,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: you know, where did you come from again? So no,
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: you're dismissed. So David's men turned around and they went
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: back and when they arrived, they repeated every word. And
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: then David said to his men, oh well, it was
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: worth a try. No, David actually said to his men,
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: each of you strap on your sword. So they did.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: And then an interesting detail in the text, and David
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: strapped his on as well. In other words, you mess
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: with me and you will see. You mess with me
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: and you Now, there's a reason I think why the
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: author highlights David arming himself with his sword, because David's
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: sword was like no other sword. David's sword was actually
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: a reminder that he did not need to return evil
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: for evil. David's sword was actually a reminder that he
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: did not need to take matters into his own hands.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: In fact, I'm just curious, do you know where David
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: got his sword, anybody? Goliath, that's right, he got a
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: sword from Goliath. So Goliath's sword is a visual aid
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: of God's promise of protection and provision to David. God
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: had chosen him. God had raised him up as a teenager.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: God had anointed him as king. He did not need
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: to take matters into his own hands. Of anybody on
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: the planet at that time, David was the one person
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: who could turn to God for help and God would
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: in fact intervene on his behalf. But David is hurt.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: David's angry. And he can't see any of that. To him,
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: it's just an oversized sword. The story that goes with
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: the sword, he's forgotten the story. He's forgotten God's provision
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: because he's so angry and he's so hurt. And he
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: redirects his frustration with King Saul, who's untouchable, toward Nabal.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: So about 400 men, this is amazing, about 400 men
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: went up with David. 400 men, okay. This was an
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: overreaction of epic proportion. This was going to be a massacre.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: You've heard, we've all heard that hurt people hurt people.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: This is a case of hunted people hunt people. So
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: he sets out. And it's so interesting because the biographer,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: once again, lets us get inside David's head. He begins
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: internally to build up a head of steam, to build
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: his case. He's gonna build a case to justify what
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: he's not 100% sure he should be doing. You ever
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: do that? You're kind of driving home and you're kind
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: of building up a head of steam, you're practicing your
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: script or you're driving to work or you're thinking about
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: that afternoon when you see him or you see her.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: We have those imaginary conversations, at least I do, In
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: my imaginary conversations, I think I've told you this before,
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: when I have an imaginary conversation with people, they're spectators,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: you know, listening to me give this person a piece
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: of my mind, you know? And then I have like
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: this incredible one-liner, and the person who's my enemy, they're like, oh,
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: you're right, your logic is unassailable, and they just kind
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: of melt off into the distance, and everybody's like, eh,
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: and it's not quite like that. But anyway, you know,
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: you have those conversations in your head where you're just
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: gonna say just the right thing, and then you're gonna win,
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: you know? Hey, you know, Andy, I got an idea.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: I think this was Sanders' idea. Hey, let's go into
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: the house when Roger's not there and slice his air mattress,
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: fold it up, put it on the street with his
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: clothes and his computer and change the locks. It might've
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: been my idea. Anyway, you just visualize, you know, what
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: can we do to get back at this person that
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: has done so much? In fact, here's what the biographer
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: says that David had just said to his guys. It's
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: been useless, all my watching over this fellow's property, kind
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: of building up his case, in the wilderness so that
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: nothing of his was missing. All this I've done for him.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: Think of all the things I've done for him. Think
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: of all the nights we stayed up. Think of all
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: the things we could have stolen. Think of how wealthy
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: we could already be. But what has he done? He
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: has paid, he has paid me back evil for good.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Then he invites God into the equation. May God deal
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: with me, be it ever so severely, if by morning
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: I leave one male of all who belong to him alive.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: In other words, I'm gonna murder him, I'm gonna kill
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: his male servants, and I'm gonna kill his sons. That'll
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: teach him to treat me this way. So we're gonna
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: pause the story there, but here's what we have so far.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: We have two responses and we have no hero, right?
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: I mean, we have Nabal, we have David, evil for good.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: David did good, he responded with evil. David, who's about
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: to do evil for evil. Nabal is somewhat maniacal and
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: David is about to be predictable. I mean, who could
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: blame him for what he's about to do? And sometimes, again,
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: it just seems like evil for evil is the only option.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Turns out, as I said earlier, it's not. There's a
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: third option, and we're gonna talk about that in part two,
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: but here's what I want you to do between now
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: and part two. I want to give you four questions
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: to think about. And again, I would prefer you not
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: to think about these through the filter of other people,
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: but just through what's going on right now in your
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: life with the people that are difficult to deal with.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: You may not consider them mean people. It may not
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: be an extreme, or it may be very extreme. But
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: I want you to process these questions through the filter
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: of what's going on right now in your life. And parents,
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: I can't overstate the importance of this. Parents, I think
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: you need to teach these four questions to your Children,
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: because your children are, have, or will face some very
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: mean people. And their natural reaction, like our natural reaction,
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: will be evil for evil, or to allow that person
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: to continue to control them. And as a parent, this
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: is so difficult to watch, and sometimes, as a parent,
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: it's tempting to coach our kids to power up, to
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: return evil for evil because we will feel better, right? See,
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: these are four questions for us. These are four questions
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: for our kids. Question number one is this. Do you
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: wanna be even with someone you don't even like? No,
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: I already know the answer to this question. No, we don't.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: But our natural response to mean people oftentimes is an
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: attempt to get even with people we don't even like,
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: to be like someone that we would readily admit that
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: we dislike. And again, we think somehow once we get
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: even that ends it, but that doesn't end it, right?
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: That doesn't end the cycle, it actually perpetuates it. Recently
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: I heard Jamie Dickens say, it's not evil for evil,
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: it just becomes evil for evil, for evil for evil,
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: for evil for evil, for evil. It just goes on
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: and on and on. So do you wanna be part
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: or do I wanna be part of perpetuating that cycle?
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: The question number two, wouldn't you rather be ahead? I mean,
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: do you wanna get even with someone you don't even
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: like or wouldn't you rather be ahead? Wouldn't you prefer
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: to be unlike the person or the people that you dislike?
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: And this is, I said earlier, this is so not intuitive,
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: but here's the thing. And when I say it, you
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: know it's true. Unlike any other arena of life, you
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: actually relationally pull ahead by refusing to get even. you
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: actually pull ahead by refusing to get even. And that
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: leads to a third question that we ask a lot
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: around here within several different contexts. It's simply this. In fact,
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: this is third question, don't miss next time because this
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: third question is a question that the character that we
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: will introduce next time actually baits David into asking about
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: his own future. And the third question is this, when
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: this is nothing more than a story you tell, What
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: story do you wanna tell? When your response to this
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: current relationship is nothing more than a story you tell,
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: what story do you wanna tell? Do you wanna tell
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: the story that I ended up just like the person
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: that I dislike because I allowed them to infuriate me
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: into acting just like them? It's not a good story.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: It's not the story that any of us wanna tell.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: And then the fourth question The fourth question is the
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: on-ramp to the solution. The fourth question is the on-ramp
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: to pulling ahead. And the fourth question sets us up
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: and puts us in this uncomfortable space that we know
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: we probably should step into. And if you're a Jesus follower,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: if you're a Christian, you know with certainty you've been
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: called to step into, but it's so uncomfortable. uncomfortable. The
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: fourth question is this, what would it look like? And
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: you don't have to commit to this. You just have
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: to have an internal conversation. What would it look like
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: to return good for evil? Not just refuse to react
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: or to react in like kind, but to be kind.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Not just refuse to be bad, but to take Seriously,
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: the words of Jesus, because he was so direct about this.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: I mean, a lot of things Jesus said we have
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: a hard time figuring out. This is too clear.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: He said, I want you to do good to those
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: who mistreat you.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: Don't just put up with them. Don't just forgive them.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Don't just ignore them. Don't just try not to be
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: like them. Jesus says, nope, that's not enough.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: I want you to think through how to do good
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: to those.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: Who mistreat you. Because Jesus knew that doing good to
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: people who have not been good to us is ultimately
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: what frees us, what protects our heart. Getting even is natural.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: It's predictable. Jesus has invited us to be unpredictable. Jesus
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: has invited us to do something extraordinary. It's as if
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: he's saying, don't be predictable. Don't write a predictable story.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Write a remarkable story. Write that story that's worth telling.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: And what will determine whether or not that story is
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: worth telling is not what the other person does, because
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: you have no control over that. It is 100% right
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: here in our decision whether or not to respond either
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: in like kind or to be kind, to do good
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: for those who have mistreated us. Remarkable begins with an
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: honest answer to this question. What would it look like?
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: What would it look like to return good for evil?
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: What would it look like to do good to the
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: person who has mistreated.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: You?
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Because you don't pull ahead by attempting to get even.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: And we will pick it up right there next time
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: in part two of Mean Things.