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What happens when you ask a narcissist for closure · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what happens when you ask a narcissist for some closure?
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  When you ask them to meet up with you and sit down at your
• 0:08
  favorite restaurant or your favorite picnic spot?
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  What happens when you ask them to end a relationship on good
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  terms or to just provide you with the answers to questions
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  that will help you move on and sleep better at night?
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  How do narcissists feel? What goes on through through
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  that? Narcissistic domes through that
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  skull of that narcissistic person.
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  How's it go? That's what we're talking about
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  today y'all. Of course, if you're new here,
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  I'm Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist
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  myself. Here to bring you the info from
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  the perspective of a diagnosed narcissist y'all.
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  Let's hop right into it. So for me as someone diagnosed
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  with NPDI, don't believe in the the notion of relationship
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  closure from narcissistic people.
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  Now again, y'all, you are allowed your opinion as I'm
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  allowed mine. I just don't believe that
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  narcissistic people think that closure is a good thing for them
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  or you, especially if they are not done with you.
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  If you're dealing with a narcissistic person that is
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  still not done with you, that feels like what we have going
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  on, right? That feels like the way we're
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  moving, the way things are going, that I'm not quite done
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  with you. Even even if I have someone
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  else. Why would I want to close things
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  up when I still want access to you?
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  You see what I'm saying? Why would I want everything?
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  Why would I want to shut everything down when I enjoy
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  this access, when I love it, when I get a high from the
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  access that I have to you? Why would I want to shut that
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  type of stuff down? Why would I want to get rid of
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  it? You know, this is how this is
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  how the mind of narcissistic people work right here.
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  It's just like the more that I do, the more that I say, the
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  more the way I go about doing things, like the more I want you
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  around, the more that I'm willing to do to get it right.
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  The more that I want to have you here with me, the more that I'm
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  willing, I won't be willing to close this thing up.
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  Why would I sit down with you and answer all the questions
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  that you have if I don't want you to leave me alone, if I
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  still want you to be speaking to me, to talk to me, to refer to
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  me as anything, right? Why would I want to close that
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  up? Why would I want to do away with
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  that right there? That's how we got.
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  Yeah. Seriously, This is how you got
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  to think about things. We're dealing with narcissistic
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  people. You have to let it flow through
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  your mind exactly like that. Sometimes you gotta think about
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  it like, you know what, Lee? You're right.
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  Why in the hell would they want to close it up when it works for
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  them? If I'm still giving them access
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  to me, if I'm still allowing them to clap these cheeks, If
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  I'm still clapping nose cheeks, why would I want to be done?
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  You see what I'm saying? So as a narcissist, as someone
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  diagnosed with MPD, not yourself, look, not self
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  diagnosed, not self admitted, diagnosed with MPD and someone
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  diagnosed with this, right? I'm here to tell you that if you
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  reach out to me for some closure, I think that you still
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  want me because to me, I don't need closure.
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  I don't need, I don't need the relationship to be over with.
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  I don't need it to. I don't need any any words said
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  to me to prove that the relationship is over.
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  I don't need that at all, right? So in order for me to heal and
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  be able to move and not heal. So in order for me, when you
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  read out to me and you say, hey, Lee Lee Lee Boo Lee my Boo.
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  Hey, I know we not talking right now, but could you please meet
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  up and give me some closure? I need some closure to move on.
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  I'm thinking now I might say this.
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  Yeah. Just meet me at your favorite
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  restaurant. We can get some kombucha and
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  some some sushi, and we can close this thing up.
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  OK. I'll meet you there and answer
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  any kind of question you want. All right.
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  I'll see you there. All right.
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  Bye. Love you.
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  Oops. I shouldn't have said that.
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  Bye. So we got the phone.
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  My mind goes like this. Damn, she still want me.
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  She still want to be with me. She still, I still, I'm still
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  in. I might do a little dance, I
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  might do a little dance. I might dance a little bit.
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  I might bounce my shoulders a little bit.
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  You know what I mean? I might bounce a little bit
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  because I think you still want me now, even if I so, even if I
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  moved on and I decided to sit down with you, it probably won't
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  be the best conversation for you, right?
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  It probably won't go the way that you wanted to go because
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  that's doesn't that doesn't mean anything to me right there,
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  right? That doesn't mean anything to
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  me. The conversations will not go
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  the way that you want them to go because that does not benefit
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  me. It's going to go the way that I
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  wanted to go. And typically if I do answer
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  some questions, I'm not going to give you full in depth answers.
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  Why would I do that? That's the back of my head.
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  Why would I do that? Y'all got a new camera to you?
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  Can I see the new camera air quality, that thing kind of
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  quality? Quality is the quality is
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  quality, but it's just got. Why would I give you the
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  closure? Why would I close this thing up
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  when I don't want it to be closed?
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  Think about this seriously. So on the other side of things,
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  you have to think about this as well.
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  You, if you're dealing with me, if we're together in any way,
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  shape or form and you're dealing with me, right?
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  And you want some closure, give it to yourself.
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  Give the you the the clothes you need from a narcissist is you
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  probably already got it. You just don't think you have it
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  because society or TV or magazines or whatever these
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  movies have conditioned people have convinced people that
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  closure is this magical thing that you have to have to move
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  on. You have to have this one final
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  conversation to heal and move on.
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  No, closure is how they treated you.
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  Yeah. Why can't why can't the closure
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  be how they treated you? Why can't it be that right?
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  Why can't closure be the lies? Why can't the closure be the
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  manipulation? Why can't the closure be the
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  physical abuse? Why can't the closure beat up by
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  natural abuse? Why can't it be those things
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  right there? Why can't they beat those
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  things? I'm asking why is that not
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  enough? Why is it?
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  Why is the way they treated you not enough?
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  Why do you have to hear them close it up?
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  Why do you want to give them your power?
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  Because when you ask a narcissist for foreclosure, what
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  you're doing is transferring your power to them.
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  Do you want to give them anymore now?
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  You might have spent 1015, twenty, 30-40 years with this
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  person. You didn't gave them enough.
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  You gave them enough. Why?
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  You gave them some more. You didn't already gave them
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  enough. Why are we giving them more now?
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  Like seriously, why are we giving them more right now?
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  Why are we give? Why are we doing this?
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  You have to admit you. You have to reconcile with how
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  this is going. You have to reconcile with how
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  you're going to heal, with how you're going to get past this.
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  These are things that you absolutely need to need to do in
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  order to move forward from a toxic, narcissistic, abusive,
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  manipulative bastard. You have to, because if you
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  don't guess what happens? They're going to treat you
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  horribly. They don't kick out.
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  At the end of the day, narcissistic people don't care
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  how they treat you. They think that you're OK with
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  it. They think that you're OK with
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  it. So in order to do to get the
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  closure that you need, you have to be willing to step forward
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  into a different place and at different places within
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  yourself, right? At different places within you
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  because you already have the closure you need.
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  You just, you just don't think you have enough.
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  One thing that I teach in my course called finding your why,
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  How to Heal for Narcissistic abuse.
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  You can find that course at mentalillness.net and to code
• 7:46
  mothers or fathers for 50% of the courses.
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  One thing that I do teach in that course is 1.
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  One thing that you need, one thing in order to heal that you
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  need is to be OK with not having having the answers to every
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  question. That's one thing that you
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  absolutely need to have. You need to have the ability to
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  be OK. We're not having all the
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  questions answered. You need to be OK.
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  We're not having all everything, the answer to every question
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  that you might have. You need to be OK without having
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  that answer. You know what I mean?
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  You need to be OK with that because if you're not OK with
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  it, you're giving them your power.
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  Well, I tell you what, What I tell you, we're not doing
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  anymore, 2020, 2025, we're not giving them any more power.
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  They have enough. You've given them enough, y'all.
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  It's been years. You gave them enough.
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  Why are you giving them more? Well then, you sound like you're
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  being hard on it. I have to sometimes y'all damn,
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  I can't be nice and say you know what, maybe you do need a little
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  closure. Reach out to the person who
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  tried to reach out to the person who tried to UN alive you.
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  Reach out to the person who tried to ruin every relationship
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  that you had. Reach out to the person who
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  tried to hold you back from your your hopes and dreams.
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  Reach out to them. Just get in reach out to them
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  and ask them to sit down with you and then ask them these
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  questions. Y'all this thing.
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  But before you reach out to your narcissistic ex and ask them for
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  some clothes, right? Ask yourself this question right
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  here. Have they ever willingly done
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  anything for you that didn't directly benefit them?
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  Have they? Most times they answer me like
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  damn, you know what? No, now in the beginning they
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  might have right? Because even even y'all, even
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  the love bombing, the stuff that they do love bought to love bomb
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  you, that's still in benefit to them.
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  You might not realize it, but they're loved by me, you as a
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  benefit to themselves as well. You see, it's not just love
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  bombing you. It's not just love bombing you.
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  They're love bombing you to the benefit of themselves as well.
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  That's typically how it goes. They're love bombing the steam
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  off of you because they think it's going to benefit them to do
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  this and it does it work that yeah, it does work.
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  Let's keep it real. We had to keep it hot and ready
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  like a little Caesar pizza. It does work.
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  It absolutely does One of those things that happens, one of
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  those things that does work because we hey, we just going
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  through things right, but let's keep it real move.
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  You have to be able to move forward without having the
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  answers to some of these questions.
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  Closure is closure is something that you give yourself.
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  Imagine writing your own autobiography and asking
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  somebody asking your narcissistic partner to
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  contribute to it. Now, if you imagine writing your
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  own autobiography and then asking that your narcissistic
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  partner or ex right or parent, whoever it is right to write a
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  write the there write a write a biography of you.
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  You write your own biography and ask the narcissist to write one
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  about you. Do you think y'all have the same
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  story Or are you going to think they're going to conflate a lot
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  of craziness and say a lot of bad stuff and make up make up
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  shit? They're going to make shit up.
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  They're not going to give you the the real stuff.
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  They're going to make stuff up. So why do you think that they
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  would sit down with you in a final conversation for some
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  closure and not and tell you the truth, Willie Lee, I just want
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  to have hope. Misplaced hope is dangerous.
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  It can get you stuck. You know, people I've you know
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  people I've done one on ones with over Zoom.
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  I've talked to them. They sit down for one last
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  closure conversation and somehow they ended up sleeping with them
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  and having a baby when they were on the way out the relationship.
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  They had a closure baby and that a relationship is open forever
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  now. Willie can't be me.
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  Will be me. All right, OK alright anyways
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  y'all thank you for making the end of my video I truly
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  appreciate it. So morning y'all hit the
• 11:32
  subscribe but if you haven't and it's always I was always.