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Why we hide as highly sensitive people (INFP/INFJ) · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, dear soul, and welcome to the Light Bears Library.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Kate Harmony.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: In today's journal entry, I want to talk about why us as highly sensitive people hide.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because the truth is, I have been hiding.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I did some journaling about this this morning because I was like, have I been hiding?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because all the thoughts and the feelings that I've been having are totally logical.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: We just moved, it's been extremely overwhelming.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: My husband broke his toe, is going through existential depression, and trying, we're trying to deal with, you know, all the the fears of, you know, our money situation.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like all of it just is overwhelming.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And and then on top of that, was like really exciting things happening of my highly sensitive men video going, you know, out to tens of thousands of of people out there.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it all just felt like, whoa, this is this is a bit much.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I realized that I haven't kind of been showing up with all of me.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt because I felt uncertain about everything that's been going on in my life and and about sharing.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I feel that way, I've I kind of put on this, I'm so used to putting on this veneer, like this, this, it's not a mask, it's it's just like this this cloak of hiding like behind like everything's okay, you know?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because in the past, when I've shared things with the people in my life about it not being okay, it's like they don't understand what I'm going through.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then they tell me I need professional help or drugs or whatever.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And um, it's kind of like, okay, while I might need some professional counseling or whatever, that's fine.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: What I actually needed is for someone to see me, to listen to me, to understand what it is that I'm going through, and you know, to yeah.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing is that they can't.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: They can't, they can't see me and they can't understand what it's like to be me.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so I, you know, even up until not very long recently, like very recently, I shared with the one friend that I have in my life from, you know, university, shared some stuff about being highly sensitive, having a husband who's highly sensitive and sort of gifted and um all the stuff and and nothing, nothing.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: She replied with like, you know, and it's it's good to have drugs, and maybe you need a church community.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, okay, okay, I'm done.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm done.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, it's painful.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so in my life I've learned that I've I've had to be strong.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was the oldest sibling, so I kind of like was the, you know, the one that was strong and that that did all the things first and kind of showed the way and supported my siblings.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: I supported my mom through her divorce when I was in university.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, I was my friend's conscience, I was my friend's shoulder to cry on whenever they, you know, needed understanding and love and support.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And but when I needed one, um, you know, it just it just isn't it's just not there.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, my husband is that for me.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you know, when he's in a in a space, it's like we've got to hold our own and um like a you know, not a not a good place, then it's like, okay.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why I started this channel was because I needed a place to, you know, to share all of this.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I needed an outlet for all the thoughts and the feelings uh that I couldn't share with everyone else in my life because they just wouldn't understand.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I hoped that if there were others out there like you, that if you were feeling some of the same things that I've been feeling or something similar, that you wouldn't feel so alone because I can imagine that it's maybe similar for you that people just don't get it, they don't see, you know.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so that we we could share that.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, but then I made a video for the you know, couple hundred or so sensitive men that were watching my video at the time to say, you know, I see you.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And um it turned into thousands of highly sensitive men being here and watching, and and I'm glad.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really glad.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm s I've been stunned and you know, and kind of like I don't quite know how this happened, uh, but really glad that you're here and or that they're here if you're if you're a highly sensitive woman watching.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I wasn't sure what it meant and until I started journaling this morning, um, because I haven't had just sort of a lot of space to sit and and and think and ponder.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's like, what, you know, so what group of people, I was I was asking myself these questions, it's like, well, what group of people also feel like me that feel like there's nothing wrong with who they really are?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like I feel like I'm there's nothing wrong with me.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need fixing by some therapist and whatever.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't need fixing.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like in my heart of hearts, I know I'm not crazy and I'm not unwell.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, but we can't not be who we are.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: So this, you know, a group of people who are not welcome by the culture at large, who don't fit into the standards and norms of our culture, who have feelings and thoughts that are not understood by the people in their lives, nor the culture at large, and that have no one to see them, no one to understand them, no one to celebrate them for all the wonderful, wonderful qualities that they have, and um, you know, for and that are always kind of hiding and always needing to be strong and and so always giving and always receiving.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: So who who in this culture would be that?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's like of course, it's the highly sensitive men that are out there that feel all these things.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: So when I s when I speak from this place of my own feeling all that, it's like I can understand that that's what it is and why highly sensitive men are here.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's like, of course, people like my husband and and me, you know, and so I think that was an aha moment for me.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: So hello and welcome.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and uh I want for myself what I think a lot of you that I've seen in the comments sharing your stories, um, thank you for that.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: That means a lot to me.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but I want what maybe you want for yourself, someone to see us, see the beauty in us, that our unique soul self, someone to listen to all the way the world, all the ways the world like impinges on our senses, you know, us as highly sensitive people, you know, and not think that we're crazy or delusional for, you know, feeling something that's different from them or, you know, whatever, that that will hear our dreams and our visions and our intuitions and ideas and not laugh at them and think we're being childish.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Someone who will listen to our deepest, darkest fears and have the stability and the depth to either say, like, me too, I I feel those fears.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: I have those, I also feel that same way, or to at least, you know, be kind and take our hand and show us a better way, a way through.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: But the world looks at us and sees us as weak, as weird, as silly even.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And and so we hide from the world because why would we want to, you know, put ourselves out there to be ridiculed?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, but that's not who we are.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: We're not weak and we're not silly and weird.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, well, I I'm fine with being weird, like whatever.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but we're actually very strong.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: The fact that we continue to live, even though we see the darkness that lives inside of ourselves, and the darkness that lives inside of everyone else, you know, we continue to be kind even when everyone else around us chooses to be to give in to hatred and division and all this, all the stuff.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's like the list could go on of all the things, right?
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um but we continue to be open-minded and open-hearted towards others and and their thoughts and their feelings and be curious, even when we disagree with them.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: We continue to believe that there's a healthier, more abundant future for ourselves when our health is not where we'd like it to be.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and we um when we're, you know, and uh just in terms of in terms of money, it's like you might be eating like one meal a day or one and a half meals a day to just get by.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we're that takes strength and courage.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we continue to believe that it's possible to find human connection that goes deep, to find a partner that that can love all the parts of us.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I know so many of you are longing for that.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I I I have hope.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: I have hope that that we, you know, together we can try, we can find those, those lovely ladies, lovely, highly sensitive ladies that can can embrace all those parts.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: And to believe that there's more to life than how it currently appears, to face all of the mental issues that we never asked for, you know, depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, dark nights of the soul, et cetera, et cetera.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And just as we can see beneath the stuff that most people carry around with them, you know, we can see through that into their soul, and we know that there's a soul under all of that crap and all of their bad behavior and actions and all the stuff we know.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we know that our soul is also filled with that potential for so much love and joy and peace and kindness and happiness, and we feel that that's our natural state of being.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: At least I feel like that.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like it's in there and I could just somehow live that way.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And and I long for that.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I I don't know if it is possible to get there, but I have to, in order to stay alive, I have to believe that it is.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: I have to believe that all of those things are possible for me and for you.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so the thing is that we have nothing to be ashamed about.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: We have nothing to hide, you know, and we are brave and we are bold and we are beautiful, and I have that tattooed on my arm because it's my reminder.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's my reminder to myself that that's who I am inside.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm certainly done.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: So hiding it's like I'm certainly done sharing my heart with those who will cr will would crush it or manipulate it or mock it or ignore it.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm done.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: I like as of this week, I finally decided like I'm I I my my friend, I'm done with her.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm done.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: What's the point of having friends or people in my life?
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: This is my this is my own, this uh, you know, you you do you on this, but I'm done having people in my life who I can't share these things with and to just be kind of like, oh, you just need to like get some drugs or some help, like, or church.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: And like, no, no, thank you.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um but that's not hiding, that's being practical, right?
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: When we when we don't share our hearts with pe the people in our lives that won't understand it.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: And and that's fine.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we don't give, I had this image that came up to me in my head.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we don't give fragile glass ornaments to babies.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, what are they gonna do?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like toss it out and break it.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's like so we don't give our fragile hearts, not fragile.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Our hearts are not fragile.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I've been trying to say.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like they're they're precious.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: And when we offer the gift of of sharing our soul or our heart with someone, you know, that that's a that's a that's a gift that we offer them.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: And if they're not ready for that or able to take that offering, then that's okay.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's okay, you know.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but we we should just be clear on who to do that with.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because we only end up hurting ourselves and then feeling, you know, maybe I feel maybe like some bitterness or anger towards other people for not being able to do that for me.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's like not everyone can, and that's okay.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, but we do need to find outlets that um that allow us to express our our true natures, allow us to express our heart, our our soul nature.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, I I have felt, and I don't know if you feel this, but this was this was me before I started this channel.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: I just was, I was dying.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was dying inside, and I could feel it for the last couple of years, and it scared me, you know, like and so I needed to find an outlet to share all the thoughts and feelings that needed to come out.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so I would love to know from you today what is one thing that you do in your life, one could be so small, but but something that makes a a true difference to you, that lets your your soul, your light shine into the world, like you know, can be just very small things that that that pierce that that hiding and and just let our light into the world as like this is mine today.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: This is what this channel is, is me not hiding.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I would offer that to you today, that you find find something that helps you to not hide.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: And you may share in the comments and not hide here because I love hearing from you and I see you and I hear you.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: And even if I can't understand what you're going through, uh my heart, I I I'm with you.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm with you.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I wish you so many blessings today.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: Signing off for now, XOXO Kate.