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Transcript

What To Do When You Realize You're Dealing With a Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Come on in here y'all. Are narcissists different in the
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  next relationship? Are they better in the next
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  relationship? Are they treated the next person
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  better? Is the next person getting the
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  best version of this narcissistic person?
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  Are they getting? Are they getting what you didn't
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  get? Are they getting what you feel
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  like you deserve? Are they taking the next steps
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  in their relationship? That's what we talked about here
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  today. Y'all on the narcissist code.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
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  And I give y'all the perspective, the inside look at
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  the mind of a narcissist, y'all. And yeah, no intro.
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  We couldn't intro off for a little while.
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  Y'all, let me know what you think.
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  No intro, intro. Let me think about it.
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  But yeah, y'all, I'm just being real.
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  So many people ask me this question right here.
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  So many people ask this question anyway.
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  Well, Lee, are they treating the next person better?
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  Is the next person getting a better version of them?
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  Like, I stayed with them for 10 years just hoping and praying
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  that they would be better in one week into their new
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  relationship. They're already taking the trip
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  that I begged for for 10 years. They're already making plans.
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  They just bought a dog and named the dog after our daughter.
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  The dog has the same name our daughter does.
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  Yes. This is my little Mike.
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  Yeah, I got my mic. My little Mike do the tiny Mike.
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  Little Mike Lee, my little my name is Mike Lee, Little Mike
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  Lee. But but that's how it goes.
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  So many people are falling into these spaces where you are paint
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  shopping or you're watching them or you're hearing about them
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  treating the next person better. So this video I'm going to break
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  it down of what is actually going on with the narcissist new
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  supply or the narcissist next relationship partner or which
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  some of y'all might refer to as the narcissist next victim.
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  Dun Dun, Dun. But yeah, think about this right
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  here, y'all. So is the narcissist different
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  in the next relationship? Yes, they are, but not the way
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  you think they are. I know what you're going to say.
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  Well, lady, that made my heart drop to my stomach.
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  My heart, lady, it didn't even drop to my stomach.
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  It dropped to the bottom of my stomach and it rolled down a
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  hole in my legs. So my heart is in my foot right
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  now, Lee, my heart is in my right foot and I don't I can't
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  walk. I don't want to step on my
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  heart. I understand that y'all.
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  I joke too much sometimes. Y'all know that's what y'all
• 2:20
  here for. And y'all hit the subscribe
• 2:22
  button y'all. The goal is to my birthday is
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  June, July 14th. I'm turning 40.
• 2:27
  I would love to hit 500 K on this page before July 14th.
• 2:30
  So if you haven't subscribed y'all just hit subscribe.
• 2:32
  Please, just please because $0.00 hit subscribe.
• 2:36
  But you make me happy and I'll really be grateful for y'all on
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  YouTube and my spot and the Spotify and Apple where you
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  follow me at. Where you listening to this at?
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  But yes, narcissistic people, y'all, They are being better for
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  the next person, but it's not the way you think that they are.
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  What I mean is that you, if you're watching them, if you're
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  watching them in the new relationship or you're watching
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  them online or you're hearing about things, y'all, they are
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  loved by me. The next person, the next
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  relationship has is entered, has entered the love bombing phase.
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  They're like, y'all know my course, understanding the seven
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  stages of a narcissistic relationship, y'all, they've
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  already picked their person. Now they're love bombing now
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  mental illness.net for everything.
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  They've already picked their person.
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  Now that person is being love bombed.
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  Yes, the person that the narcissist is dealing with is
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  being love bombed. So yes, they're going to look
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  different in a new relationship. And not only are they being love
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  bombed, y'all during the love bombing phase, they are
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  mirroring that person. They are mirroring the new
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  person, the new supply, the new person that they are with their
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  new bestie, whoever it is, right?
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  Sometimes, because it's not always an intimate relationship,
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  right? This could be your best friend
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  that discarded you and is treating their new bestie
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  better, right? Your parents discarded you and
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  are treating the step kids better.
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  One of the main example y'all might see this is Brian
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  McKnight. Boy damn Brian McKnight just
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  kind of turned cold, dark and evil.
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  Damn. Whoo man discarded his kids, got
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  a whole new step found. OK now they're here nor there
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  but they're love. They're mirroring the next
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  person. Y'all.
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  They are pretending to be the next person.
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  This is why you when the narcissist leaves you or you
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  break up with them right? Did y'all get discarded or you
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  discard them? Right?
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  This is why sometimes you'll see them start to dress differently
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  and act differently and you'll be like who the hell are you?
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  Like you'll be confused. You'd be like who the hell?
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  What the helly? Who the helly are you?
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  You confused as hell. You don't know who you're
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  dealing with. You don't know who this person
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  is anymore. You like you're dressing
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  differently, you're wearing athletic, you weren't at
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  leisure. What is going on?
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  You haven't worked out in 27 years now.
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  You are an avid hiker, You see what I'm saying?
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  You could they be, I know people going to say, well, leave, maybe
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  they trying to get in shape. Yeah.
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  Could they be trying to get in shape or is there a new supply?
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  An avid hiker is a new supply. A gym goer that works at leisure
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  all the time. Got a haircut.
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  You see what I'm saying? They they do different things.
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  They're mirroring the next person.
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  So yes, they're going to be different in the next
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  relationship. Not better, but different.
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  So. And of course, yeah, they're
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  going to give the next person what you wanted because you
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  wanted it. But they also know that it
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  works. They know if you wanted
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  something so badly that the next person might want it as well.
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  Who doesn't like to travel? Y'all been wanting a trip to
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  Paris for 10 years. Y'all never went.
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  You begged and begged and begged and they kept making excuses.
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  And now two weeks into that new relationship, they're already in
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  Paris. That's going to hurt.
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  Y'all be real? Let's be real.
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  That's going to hurt. Why wouldn't Yeah, why wouldn't
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  that hurt you? Why wouldn't that make you
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  question yourself? That is going to hurt.
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  It's going to sting. It's going to make you cry
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  because you're going to feel like you got overlooked by this
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  person. You're going to feel like this
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  you were not worthy enough to get this trip or to get treated
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  better. You're going to feel a certain
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  type of way. And that's 100% understandable.
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  That's why I tell people to turn off the narcissist TV.
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  Stop watching the other person's page.
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  Stop watching the new supplies page because you're only hurting
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  yourself. What are you looking at?
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  What are you looking for? What are you getting out of this
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  other than hurt? Other than questioning yourself?
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  Ask yourself those questions before you go into that other
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  person's social media. Ask yourself, what are you
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  looking for? Nothing on that page is going to
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  make you feel better. Nothing that you hear about the
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  narcissist in their new supply is going to make you feel
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  better. Let's be real, even the bad
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  stuff that you hear is going to make you sad, right?
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  Oh, the new the narcissist news in the new supply got the
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  argument in the new supply kicked the narcissist out.
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  Oh, so they're homeless now? They don't have anywhere to go.
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  You even the bad stuff might make you sad.
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  You see what I'm saying? This is why it's so important
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  y'all for y'all to when you're out here trying to heal, trying
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  to grow, deal with a narcissistic person.
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  This is why it's so important to understand who you're who you're
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  dealing with. Like, yeah, they're going to
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  treat the next person better. They learned stuff from you that
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  they're going to use in the future for other people because
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  again, it works. They know that this type of
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  stuff is going to work. They know that treated that
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  doing this type of stuff is going to work.
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  It worked on you, so it probably is going to work on the next
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  person. Why wouldn't it?
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  You know, why wouldn't it work? So yes, if I were to break up
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  with you, right And I lack my own authentic personality, like
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  like my own, my own, my own authentic, what's the word I'm
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  looking for? Personality is good, but I don't
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  have an identity. That's the word I'm looking for.
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  I lack my own true authentic identity.
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  So I'm going to take yours or the good parts of yours and use
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  them in the new relationship, right?
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  This is why a lot of times they they're doing stuff with the new
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  supply that you like to do because now they're becoming you
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  in the new relationship, like some narcissists become you in
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  their new relationship with the new supply because a lot of
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  narcissists lack their own true identity.
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  They don't know how to do anything outside of for
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  themselves or they don't know how to be themselves.
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  So they become you. They know that you're a good
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  person. So they take your good
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  personality traits and the things that you like to do and
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  they do them with the new supply, right.
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  So the new supply now thinks that they're a good person
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  because they're acting like you, which in turn means what?
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  Listen mean I'm a good person, Lee.
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  Yes, it means that you're a good person.
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  You see what I'm saying? This is why I like narcissistic
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  people try to convince you that you're a horrible, evil person,
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  but they mirror you. They try to convince you that
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  you're not good, that you're not good enough, but they try to
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  take your identity. They can't try to convince you
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  that you're boring, but they do the stuff that you like to do
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  with new people. What the hell kind of sense does
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  that make? You see how confusing that is?
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  Do you see how confusing it is to deal with somebody like that
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  has that mentality to say some crazy ass stuff like that, like
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  you're not good enough, blah, blah, blah blah blah blah.
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  You something like that's insane, that's insanity.
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  It really is. So if you're dealing with a
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  narcissistic person, just understand you are worthy, you
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  are enough, you are good enough, because that's if you're not
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  good enough, why they acting like you in a new relationship?
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  Make that make sense. No, seriously, make it make
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  sense. It doesn't.
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  So yes, they're going to be different in a new relationship,
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  not better. They're going to be on of
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  course, y'all, they're going to be on their best behavior.
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  Yeah, it's, let me say this, right, It's very difficult to be
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  on your worst behavior and get and get somebody to fall in love
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  with you. It's very difficult to be a
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  hobby human being and get somebody to fall in love with
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  you unless that person themselves is has something
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  going on, right. Some people, they end up a
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  narcissist, have their own mental health struggles that
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  they're dealing with. They have to kind of battle
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  through and realize what's going on.
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  Some people, hey, some people have their own their own battle.
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  They have to battle your own demons while you're battling the
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  demon that is the narcissist, right?
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  Oh yeah, a lot of y'all call narcissist Divas.
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  I had to, I had to use that. But yeah, they're going to be
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  different in every single relationship, y'all, But
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  eventually they're going to be themselves.
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  They're going to that. Yeah.
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  Your identity is like, let's just say the right.
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  It's like they were your identity.
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  They were a different identity in the new relationship.
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  It's like, it's like a henna tattoo.
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  It's like a henna tattoo identity, right?
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  They go into it like it looks real.
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  It looked like it's going to last a long time, right?
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  It looked like a real tattoo. But sooner or later, wear and
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  tear, exhaustion, anger, that stuff is going to wear off.
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  It's going to start to melt. You see what I'm saying?
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  The damn, the the damn what you call this is going to start to
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  melt. Like the henna tattoo is going
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  to melt. It's going to rub off.
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  They're going to be themselves. Like, I thought you had tattoos.
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  Nope, those are henna tattoos. There's not wasn't really me.
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  You see, that's why it's so important to understand that
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  sooner or later they are going to be them.
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  Sooner or later. The henna tattoo that is that
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  narcissistic person is absolutely going to wear off
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  sooner or later. And that's what you have to
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  understand that they're going to wear your identity like a new
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  like a henna tattoo or like, just like in your relationship
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  when they first met you, they might have been wearing somebody
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  else's identity to meet you. Why they would love bombing you.
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  They might have been giving you everything that their ex wanted.
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  You might have been the new supply.
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  Some of y'all knew, some of y'all didn't know, right?
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  Some of you knew that you're in the new supply and some of y'all
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  didn't know that you're in the new supply.
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  Some of y'all did. Let's be real, let's keep it
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  hot. Some of y'all did.
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  Some of y'all knew that they were just getting out of, they
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  were just, they were still married or whatever the case may
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  be. You know what I'm saying?
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  Sometimes you got to, sometimes you might have known that you're
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  the new supply. Again, this again, this is no
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  judgement zone because I suggest that people work differently,
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  right? But this is something we got to
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  wake up to. Yes, they might be be that, yes,
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  they might be different in the new relationship, but they're
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  still the same. Like y'all, that little green
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  chameleon that you bought from the store might turn blue and
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  red and green when it's on a different when it's when it's in
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  a different environment to protect itself.
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  But eventually it's going to go back to his regular green color
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  when it's when it thinks that danger has went away or thinks
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  it's, it's gotten comfortable, they're going to change back
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  into its own regular color, just like narcissistic people do.
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  Sooner or later, they want to change back into their regular
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  color and they're going to beat them.
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  That's what you got to think about.
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  That's what you got to battle right there, y'all.
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  That's type of stuff you got to deal with when you're dealing
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  with an abusive, manipulative narcissist.
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  That's, that's the type of stuff that ends up happening, y'all.
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  Anyway, y'all, I'm going to close this thing out.
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  June 28th will be in June 28th. We'll be in Atlanta, GA for our
• 12:41
  next in person workshop called Take Flight Healing for
• 12:44
  Narcissistic Abuse. You can find more information
• 12:47
  for that at mentalillness.net/events.
• 12:50
  Everything else is a mental illness.net.
• 12:52
  My coaching, my courses, my support group, everything is
• 12:55
  available at mentalillness.net. Also, y'all please hit that
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  subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 13:00
  Let's climb the ladder to that 500K.
• 13:02
  I'll be eternally grateful. I'm serious eternally eternally
• 13:06
  grateful. And my kids will think I'm cool.
• 13:08
  My, my youngest son, my middle son, he would think I'm so cool.
• 13:10
  He's like a you a YouTube ad like my dad.
• 13:13
  He's like they have 500,000 I'm getting their son anyways y'all
• 13:18
  hit the subscribe button I am out peace.
• 13:23
  What up y'all what up? Before you leave make sure to
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  hit that subscribe button if you haven't.
• 13:27
  It just helps us reach more people.
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  Also everything I have is available at mentalillness.net.
• 13:32
  My coaching, my courses. I have a couple of courses that
• 13:35
  can help you understand and help you heal and also have a support
• 13:38
  group all available at mentalillness.net.
• 13:40
  Check my site off everything y'all and I will see y'all
• 13:42
  later. Peace.