Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / CROWD WORK PACK_ Grand Rapids_ MI

Transcript

CROWD WORK PACK_ Grand Rapids_ MI · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You might be coming. She's like, oh my God! Okay,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: what's your crazy ass name?
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Hi, Paris. Turn on the lights.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Let me see everybody. We're going to get it popping.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I feel comfortable now.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Let's turn on the lights. Oh, shit. Oh, there's people
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: over here and shit. In the little Abraham Lincoln seats.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: How you get them tickets? Y'all waited too long? Y'all like, fuck.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Them tickets came with a gas, a full tank of gas.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: If you want your fan back, you're going to have
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: to take that little outfit off.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, that goddamn ass. Church lady ass, too.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: It was up high.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: That ass was pressed down, shaking together, and running over.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: I seen it. That was an anointed ass. That ass
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: was sitting up on top of her back like this.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: I'm a booty. She got to wipe her ass with
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: a back scratcher. Where she at? Point at her.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: I want to know where she's sitting.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Look at God. What's your name? Huh?
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Booty.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Thank you for the fan. I'm going to give it
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: back at the end of the show. It looked like
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: it was expensive. I want you to be like, it
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: ain't even, you can have it.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: No.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: She was like, yeah, and will. I'll come get it.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: All right. I'm about to start fucking with people, so
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: I hope everybody's all right with that. Okay.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Y'all come on back, thank you very much. Lesbians made
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: it back right on time.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: You don't even know where your seat is, huh?
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: Excuse me, sir. Excuse you, sir. Where y'all coming from?
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I didn't see you leave. You went to the bathroom together,
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: two lesbians? You in there flicking that bean, weren't.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: You, girl?
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: What'd you say, sugar?
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: You came back to see me? Well, yeah, that's good.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: She's like, I was about to nut.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: This community has a lot of beautiful women, and a
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: lot of places I go, I be like, God damn.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: But tonight, I be like, ah. Got your good shit on?
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: Brother, you good?
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: You look uncomfortable sitting like that, man.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: We met out front. You big, but you was stronger
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: than a motherfucker. I can tell you lift weights. You do, yeah,
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: you got the Mark Henry, John Henry, Your back was
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: built like a Kubota. Nigga, I slapped your shoulder.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I said, God damn. What are you doing?
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: You like a big ass UFC fighter or something? You
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: used to play football?
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: For who? In high school?
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: And where? A little bit of college?
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Who'd you play for?
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: UVA?
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: What's that?
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: University of Virginia, Arkansas? That's what you mixed with. You
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: look like if Drake fucked a Muppet. Trang, Trang, show
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: him right here so they can see it right after
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: that joke. Right here, Drake fucked a Muppet, him. Drake
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: fucked a Muppet, him. Shut your ugly ass up. Don't
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: they look like Bert and Ernie and Drake? I didn't
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: want to be successful. All right, now go back to,
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: big back, big back. Man, you big, but you was
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: strong for real. Stand up, let the people see how
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: big your back is. Turn around. Turn around, show them
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: your back. Fuck, what do you do now? You still
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: do stuff, big stuff? You work at a car dealership?
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: You the best salesman there, huh? He'd be like, buy
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: the motherfucking car.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: We came here for a truck. What's your big ass name?
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: It is Mark? Oh, Mark is. Okay, and so this
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: your lady right there? Outstanding.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: How long y'all been together? 15 years.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: You've been with him since his back was little. Shit,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: he be putting that big ass back on you? He
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: be like, you love that shit, huh? Little freak ass.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: He like, I can't breathe. And I love it.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: He be on top putting it where? Yeah. Is that
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: what it sound like?
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Fuck! He don't cuss after he buns, he eat right away.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: He be like, I don't mind if I do, chicken nugget. Oh, ah, oh.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: And you, sir, two seats to the right of him,
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: you got an interesting shaped head. Your head don't fit
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: your body, man. You got a big-ass body and a
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: little-ass head. Little head, big body looking ass. Look at
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: how small your goddamn head is on that goddamn body.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Goddamn.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: But then it's little in the middle and big again. Yeah.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: What's your name? Javier?
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: Not Javier. What'd you say, baby? No, no, you gotta
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: get your ticket sooner, god damn. His name is Javier.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Them seats up there for people that got good ears
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: and good eyes. You up there deaf. Are you like
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: a JBL speaker?
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Like the one that's built into the side of my neck?
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: That's your loud ass. Now JVN, what do you do
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: for money, man? You got an interest in shaved hair.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: You work for AT & T? Everybody say, oh, that's
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: what's wrong with his head.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Like, what the fuck?
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Like, would you be on the cell towers or you
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: work down at the, just at the, you'll sell me
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: a phone?
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I'm not buying a phone from nobody with a five
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: bar head.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Yo, hey, yo. You got service on airplanes. Your head
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: big as a motherfucker. They'd be like, sir, put it
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: in airplane mode.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: He'd be like. Hey, man, that shit hurt. God damn.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: Shit. Your head shaped like you were born with glasses on. Shit.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Let me come over here and fuck with some people.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: Okay, got your little dress on and shit.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Little quesadilla dress on. Yeah, yeah, a little highlighter joint.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: I like that. That's a cute, I like what you're doing.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: Y'all a couple, huh? You got her in the headlight.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: Y'all go together.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: I don't see no wedding ring on you though, sir.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: Fuck going on.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Sir, fuck, sir, where's your goddamn ring at? You literal head.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: You look like a peevee.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: How long y'all been together? Almost two years.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: So one year? Motherfucker, don't be trying to round up.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: Almost, almost two years.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: How'd you meet her, man? Tell me about your love's origin.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Why are you yelling?
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: We are six feet from each other, sir.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I met her.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: Where'd you meet her at?
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: At the Bob?
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, the bar next door is called the Bob? And
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: it was Halloween weekend? Yeah. And who does she go ask?
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Count Dracula with that goddamn hairline?
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: That motherfucker.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: One.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Two.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Three. You better stay alive or she gonna be a
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: widow with a widow's beak. Yeah. Yeah, your motherfucking hairline
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: is pointed at a bitch. You look like an avatar. Earth. Water. Fire.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Chicken nuggies. You do do it. I've been waiting on
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: you to come back for 12 goddamn minutes. Sit your
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: shitty booty ass down. You've been gone hella long, bruh.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: Me and Tiger, we was waiting to see when you
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: was going to come back. What'd you say?
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: We got company. You can't just be calling me like that.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: You saw somebody interesting oh you was out there hollering
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: where she at let me help.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know who she was what she look like
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: She know where she at?
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: Where she at? Oh, y'all, everybody know who he was
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: talking to?
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Who? That little ass church lady? We can't even say.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Where are you going? She's like, hold up, hold up,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: hold up.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Fuck all that.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Who auntie is that?
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: That's what you were hollering at?
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: That's what you like? You single? Cause she came and
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: sat next to a grown ass man. That's not her.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: Are you together sir with her? Everybody over there going,
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: that's her bro.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: He said, that's not what she said outside. Ooh, he lying,
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: he lying.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: He trying to break y'all up. That's a devil. That's
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: the devil. God put y'all together, and he's going to
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: keep you together, you and your little church lady, freaky-ass
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: church lady out there lying about everything. Is that the
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: same lady you hollered at?
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: I'm so messy.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: Well, you're going to have to holler at somebody else.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: She already taken by that goddamn brain surgeon. That's a
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: black man. Got a nice smile and shit.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: I see you, sir. You got the same underbite I got, man.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: How you doing?
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Stand up.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: Let him see you with his punk ass. Let him
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: see how big you are. Yeah.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Take a look, ladies. He about to be single. He
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: about to be ready to mingle, God damn it. We
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: got to get you somebody. Do you want me to
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: hook you up with somebody before the show is over?
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: I actually am good at hooking up people. I don't
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: want to hear this shit that way. When people say
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: I don't want to hear it, my kind of jump
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: a little bit. I need to hear that you don't
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: want to know my story. You know how bad I
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: want to know his fucking story, huh? Abraham Lincoln seats?
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: I want to know real bad. But listen, I need
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: you to do this like a tweet. You got 130 characters.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: I'm listening.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: You're going through a divorce. You really got you, sir.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: I really got me a white bitch though, for real.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: You can't do that. Is she actually a bitch or
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: are you just referring to all women as bitches?
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: It's a general thing. Got it, so you're just a
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: piece of shit.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: Got it, okay.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Anyway, so you have a white lady.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: And she's your wife, but you haven't finished the divorce. Okay,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: I think I'm beginning to understand why this shit didn't
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: work out. I want the best for you, but you
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: have to fight for yourself first, sir. Just calling her
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: a bitch in public is crazy. There's people in here
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: like Jerome down here. Amy, you better come get your man.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Fuck Jerome. All right, let's move on to somebody who
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: happily with somebody.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: She's about to explode.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: Me!
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Please get me!
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: That was you in the front, huh, Lucio shit? You
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: are too excited, though. I feel like you might be coming.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: She's like, oh my God! Okay, what's your crazy-ass name?
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Hi, Paris.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: I'm on the screen! It's happening!
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: You better calm her down, man. There's in here. It's
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: finna be in Paris.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Paris, what are you, teach kindergarten or something? You got
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: a big personality.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: You're a hairstylist? Baby, you got to do your own
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: hair before you say that shit. You're like, you jogged here.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: God damn. You don't give a fuck about your hair.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: I'm a hairstylist. It's the new shit.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: You don't know about this?
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: It's called I Don't Give a Fuck.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: It's what I got. Where you doing hair at, Paris?
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: On some real shit? Let's send you some business. Send
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: you some business. Where you do hair at, baby? It's
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: two hours away. Up. Up. Penzonia, Michigan?
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Anybody from there? You're from there?
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: How close is it? You're from there too?
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: How come everybody that's from where you're from got a mullet?
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: Everybody, literally, he got a mullet, the dude with the
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: walking stick got a mullet.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: He was like, fuck yeah!
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: She did my hair. Hello.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: And so this is your husband, your man?
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: That stuck out to y'all too, huh?
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: She was like, yes, basically. I mean, what day is it?
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's this day's day. How long you been with him?
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: Two years. Does she get this excited like regularly? She
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: just comes home from work?
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Give me the dick! I want that D. I want
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: the I.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: I want the C. Give me the C. I ain't
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: got time to spell the rest of it. Give me
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: that goddamn C. What do you do for a living, sir? Outside.
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah. Are you white and Mexican or just white?
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: What's your nationality? I'm sorry. As soon as he said landscaping,
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: I was like, he got to have some Mexican in him.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: So what?
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: What's your nationality? Ethnicity?
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: Caucasian. Do you know what kind? I'm going to guess
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: Italian because you look like Collageno from A Bronx Tale.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: Y'all seen A Bronx Tale? That's what he look like.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Grown ass Collageno. Okay. Let me meet the couple next
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: to you. They look very good together. You guys look, yeah,
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: you look real good together, sir. Are you looking away?
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: Is that what the fuck that was? We'll move your
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: hand off your goddamn mouth. We're about to have some fun.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: He was like, oh, shit. She was like, come on, motherfucker.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: How long y'all been together? Y'all cuddled up real good?
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: You got your arm under his arm and another arm
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: on top of his arm?
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: Three years? Hell yeah. Y'all in love?
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Hold on.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: The single miserable bitches is over here talking. We're talking
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: about love over here. Now be quiet.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Is that you?
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: Now you can't be doing that after we bonded outside.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: I rubbed your little bald.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Head out there.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that motherfucker, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: Quit trying to fuck, that's it.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Dribble me in.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: We're playing basketball.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: We're playing basketball.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: She did your hair.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: Okay, so y'all been together three years. Are y'all crazy
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: about each other? Y'all look so good for each other
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: right there. You're welcome, but talk to me now. How long,
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: three years, how long you been in love, though?
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Because that ain't gonna be. He like, since Tuesday.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Seven years? You loved her for four years before you
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: was able to get with her? Ma'am, what in the
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: fuck were you doing playing with his heart like that?
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: I can't stand a raggedy ass, no, I'm just playing.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: You loved her, though? Were y'all co-workers or something? You
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: was just, this, oh, man. It wasn't right, you had
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: a wife? He was married.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: He was in love with you, but his wife was
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: at home. Sir, is that what happened? Okay. Hey, I
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: felt it.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: I felt it.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: And so, is your wife going to see this video
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: if I post it? You're like, hell, you can tag
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: that bitch.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: It's, I'll see you soon, ho.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: That's her name.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: So, where you work out with her?
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: The man stealer.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: You don't work together no more? But you fell in
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: love at work? Post office? Where you work at, sis?
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: What about back then when y'all fell in love without
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: it being okay? You don't want to tell me?
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: You don't work there no more. Automotive manufacturing company. An
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: anonymous one?
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Chrysler. Chrysler.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: Thank you, brother.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: I was like, it can't be that many out this mouth.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: She's like, it rhymes with Reisler.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: I'm like, the fuck?
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: So y'all were on the line together. He was just
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: squeezing them bumpers down. He slide it down to her.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: She's like, thank you, Trevor. Thank you, Trevor. My wife
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: never says thank you.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: I'm in love.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: And one day a bumper slid to you and it
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: was like dinner. He wrote it in the dust on
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: there with his finger. D-I-N-E-R.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: You're like, what the fuck? Diner? Diner.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: He was like, you want a coney?
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: How'd you holler at a man just in the break
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: room tell me the Chrysler Riz no they shouldn't be
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: together this is how God works sometimes you be with
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: somebody and your real person be next to you at work.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: You'll find out later How'd you get her to take
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: you serious, man?
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: You told.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: What?
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: He said... Hold on. I don't know why people yelling
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: out dumb shit. I believe in love.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: That's why I really got to figure this out. You
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: said you told her you're a grown-ass man?
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: You said I'm not a boy?
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: You said, I'm not a boy, Damon. And you heard him.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: You were like, okay. You are grown.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: And then you took her out to eat right outside
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: the factory, the plant. We got chili dogs, split it.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: It wasn't right. You had to wait.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: And you told her, like, listen, I'm in a situation.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: I got six kids by this other woman. When the
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: baby graduate, I'm going to loop back. When the baby graduate,
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I'll be back. Okay, but y'all in love now, huh?
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: And it don't matter how you started, you gonna finish
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: with her strong? All right, don't pull this shit again
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: in two years.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna come beat your ass myself. You bet his
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: new job. Diner?
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: Outstanding. I'd like to talk to you guys. You guys
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: look like you've been together a long time. Your faces
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: are starting to look like each other and shit. That's
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: at least 15 years. How long y'all been together?
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: 27 years.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: 31. So married 27, but together for 31. Wow. Did
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: you know right away? Like you saw her and you
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: were like, yep. What about you, ma'am? You're like, fuck now.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: You got to keep showing up every day, please. That's
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: how it is usually.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: What's the secret? Hold on.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: I don't know what's going on. When you watch the videos,
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: people aren't doing that. Sarah, calm your receding hairline ass down.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: Looking like a retired police officer. I'm sick of your
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: shiny head shit.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: What's the secret, brother?
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: Just say she's right? Are you agreeing with that? She's
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: just always right? What about when she's wrong? You're like, well,
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: she's just less right.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: I'd like to trust my dinner.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: And ma'am, what's the secret?
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: What do you say the secret is? Respect?
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Now, is it really respect if you just always right?
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: She's like, I feel like it is. He respects me
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: when I'm wrong.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, so you respect him and then that's helping y'all
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: make it 31 years.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: Outstanding. And sir, you agree with him.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: She's always right but at the same time you've been
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: stroking the fuck out your girl's face.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: On some diddy shit like.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: Just let her sit there god damn he's literally taking
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: half of each of her breaths out bitch you motherfucking
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: breath bitch god damn breath what's the secret bro how
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: long you been with her 22 years oh your homeboy
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: was like married twice shout out to the homies that
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: hate You married her two times? You married the same
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: woman again? Mistakes happen? I know, y'all got back together. Listen,
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: let's find out this shit. How you married the same
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: motherfucker two times? Who fucked up the first time? You did?
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, oh, the friend said she did. Okay, sir, I'm
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: going to get to you in a second. Looking like
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: a human mole. So you fucked up? And then you
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: realized your wrongs and came back and she took you back?
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: Not quite, you made him work hard. You're like, oh
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: my lord. How long did it take him to get
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: back with you? Nine months. God damn, your divorce papers
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: were still wet. She's like, so was I. So you
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: proposed all over again?
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: No, you're like, just tear that shit up. Let's do
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: it again, baby.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Insurance is expensive? Yeah, a lot of shit is expensive.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing. Are y'all going to do it?
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: Y'all going to stay this time? This is a messy-ass town.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: No, for real. I'm asking regular questions, and you guys
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: are making this shit on some more of your shit.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: All you have to do is say yes, and then
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: you get in the car and be like, you know
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: I wasn't for real, right? She gonna in public, I
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: don't know. He like, bitch, that's why I had my
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: hand on your neck, bitch. I knew you was gonna
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: fuck something up. So how long you say, you said
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: 22 years? How long was you married the first time?
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: Three years? So you broke up for nine months and
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: then got back together for 21 years? Well shit, y'all
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: figured it out.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Man, 21 years and you're still on the fence? He
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: ain't going nowhere. You might.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: Like, she can. Shit. She just one time. Don't worry
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: about why I say one.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: All right. And then what about them? You guys are
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: a couple too? And you guys know each other?
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: Who, who, who been together? You been together longer than them?
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Way longer than y'all? How long y'all been together?
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: A year and a half?
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, y'all ain't, y'all ain't even serious yet. Asking how
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: they met? Is it going to be worth it? How'd
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: you meet?
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: No, that's when you met. How'd you meet?
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: Everybody's waiting.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: I'm on the edge of my seat, literally. Oh, my God.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: I don't even know if I should say that shit
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: out loud. I'm telling you right now, y'all going to
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: be like, oh, fuck.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: He said, she was my dead cousin's girlfriend. I told you.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: I told you you were going to say that. You
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: killed your cousin for her?
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you met at the funeral?
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: 14 years later?
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: That's not that.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: Some time had passed. How long since your cousin passed
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: away before you? Three?
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: A long time. Okay, and so you were like, hey,
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: this is what he.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: Want for us. Before he died, he said, if anything
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: happens to me, I want you to get Rebecca and
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: fuck the shit out of her.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: She what? She enjoys it?
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Enjoys what? Oh, yeah?
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: She's having threesomes. Well, can't take it back. It's live comedy.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: Rule number three. Fuck it. That shit was dark. I'm sorry.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: You're in love now, though?
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Fuck it.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: I hope you guys make it as long as you
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: want to make it.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. Is there any regular love in this bitch?
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: The crazy hairstylist? Hey, Grand Rapids, I love y'all, man.