Latest / Never Too Late to Dream / E3: Free to Say Yes to Me & My Family with Maria Newman

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E3: Free to Say Yes to Me & My Family with Maria Newman · Never Too Late to Dream

0:02
Caroline Buist: Welcome to Never Too Late to Dream, the podcast
0:05
for anyone who's ever shelved a dream, talked themselves out of
0:09
one, or let fear, doubt, or life itself get in the way. Every
0:14
episode, I'll be talking to real people, late bloomers, slow
0:18
burners, and plot twisters who dared to pursue their dreams
0:23
later than supposed to. We're talking about the messy middle,
0:28
the wobbles, the moments of what the hell am I doing?, and the
0:32
extraordinary things that happen when you keep going anyway.
0:36
Because here's the thing: there's no expiry date on a
0:39
dream. The world's full of people who found their groove in
0:43
their 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond, and they've got stories worth
0:48
hearing. Each guest will share their dream, what stopped them,
0:53
how they got unstuck, and what they'd say to anyone still
0:56
waiting in the wings. And I'll also be asking everyone what
1:00
their dreams theme song is, because every good story
1:03
deserves a soundtrack, doesn't it?
1:07
Hello and welcome to episode three of Never Too Late to
1:11
Dream, and today I'm really excited to be joined by Maria
1:15
Newman. Maria is a coach who helps her clients overcome
1:18
challenges in their lives, so they move from feeling
1:21
overwhelmed and overlooked to confident, fulfilled, and
1:26
thriving. What a great introduction there, Maria.
1:29
Hello, welcome.
1:30
Maria Newman: Thank you very much. It's great to be here on
1:32
your new show.
1:33
Caroline Buist: Well, it's great to have you, Maria. So, before
1:37
we get into my questions about your dream, can you just tell
1:41
our listeners a little bit more about you and what you do?
1:44
Maria Newman: Well, what I do has evolved over time because I
1:49
took the typical route of education, university, and get a
1:56
good job so that I could fund life. Because we know that life
2:02
is not free. However, there came a point in my life when I was
2:08
pregnant with my second child that I thought this is just not
2:13
where I want to be. I want to be doing something different, and I
2:17
went to see a life coach. She's amazing. Her name is Anna
2:21
Duckworth, and she asked me a really important question, which
2:27
was, "What do you really want to do in life, Maria?" And I was
2:32
like, "Wow, I really want to have my own business". And at
2:38
that point, I had no idea what it was. However, I went on a
2:42
little journey, and I hate that word, but it describes the
2:46
process. And eventually, I got to where I am today, which is
2:52
helping professionals and business owners to become
2:58
unstuck, and their unstuckness is usually tied up in their
3:03
mindset because the one thing that will always stand in our
3:07
way is ourselves, and we're standing in our way because of
3:12
the stories that we're telling ourselves, the beliefs that we
3:16
are holding on to, and the fear of doing what we really want to
3:22
do.
3:23
Caroline Buist: That's a really great link to the book I wrote
3:26
actually, a lot of those issues I do talk about in my book, but
3:32
this isn't about me. So tell us a little bit more about your
3:37
dream and why you wanted to do it.
3:39
Maria Newman: So it's really funny because if you would have
3:42
asked me that question, probably when I was in my teens, that
3:47
would have been the last thing on my mind. So my dream, having
3:52
gone through corporate, was to start my own business. However,
3:57
when I was younger, my mum and dad had their own business, so I
4:02
could see with my own eyes and through experience how difficult
4:07
it can be to run your own business. They had a very
4:11
successful seaside restaurant, which means long hours, physical
4:16
effort as well as obviously mental effort, and being in that
4:21
industry in particular means that you have to sacrifice a
4:26
lot. So it's ironic. I don't know. Funny to think that during
4:31
my younger years, my childhood, and up until early adulthood,
4:36
being a business owner was not at the forefront of my mind. I
4:41
liked the idea of working for someone else, knowing I could do
4:46
a Monday to Friday job nine to five ish. There was the security
4:51
of a steady salary that seemed ideal to me, and yet it wasn't
4:56
where I ended up heading. And it's funny because I remember
5:00
really clearly when I first joined Rolls Royce, which was
5:05
the company I worked for for all of my career, I was an intern
5:10
and I was doing a year in recruitment, and I was in the
5:14
car with a very senior manager, driving to Uxbridge University
5:19
to recruit other interns, and obviously, you know, at that
5:24
age, I was a keen bean, and I said to him, "So Terry, Terry
5:29
Shaw was his name. How did you get to where you are today? And
5:34
he basically said to me, "Well, I started as an apprentice. I
5:39
then got a graduate job. Before I knew it, I was a manager. I
5:44
got married. We had some children, and well, now the
5:48
pension is too good to leave. And I thought, crikey, oh my
5:52
word, that sounds like a prison sentence, not something that I
5:57
necessarily want to aspire to. So I made a promise to myself
6:02
there and then, that I would only ever stay in a company for
6:07
five years, and I'd move on because I didn't want to create
6:12
that ball and chain that he seemed to have created for
6:16
himself. Well, Caroline didn't quite go that way because I then
6:21
got offered a graduate job by Rolls Royce, and before I knew
6:26
it, five years had passed, and I kept on telling myself, "Ah the
6:31
time's not right. You know, I don't know enough. I haven't got
6:36
enough experience. I need more qualifications. Then 10 years
6:41
passed. Then 15 years passed, and I was in danger of becoming
6:46
the person I didn't want to be. So when redundancy came around,
6:51
which was in 2016, and I was on mat leave with my son, as I said
6:56
earlier, my daughter at the time was just over two. My son was
6:57
an idea, a little seed, and you think you know what the seed is
7:01
months old, and I said to my husband, "I'm gonna leave", to
7:06
which he was horrified. This is a secure job. Why do you want to
7:11
leave? And I was like, "Well, you've worked for other
7:15
companies before. All I know is Rolls Royce. I want to
7:20
experience other things. So, you know, we came to an agreement.
7:25
Everything was all right in the household. Fortunately, I had
7:30
voluntary redundancy that acted as a cushion, and as I said
7:34
earlier, I thought this is a great opportunity for me to
7:39
really decide what I want to do now that I'm grown up, rather
7:44
than you know just follow a pattern of what happens next. So
7:49
I went to see Anna, my life coach, and that question she
7:53
asked me, "What do you want to do next?" In a bizarre way, the
7:58
answer that came out of my mouth shocked me because, like I said
8:03
to you, you know, early childhood into early
8:07
adulthood-that was the last thing on my mind, you know what
8:12
crazy thing you've experienced it, and you know how difficult
8:17
it is, and yet you're going to jump into the fire, bonkers. So,
8:22
with her support, I started my first business, which was called
8:27
"Fill That Space", and it was promoting local Bristol artists,
8:32
and I loved the freedom that being a business owner gave me,
8:37
and all the wonderful people that I had the opportunity to
8:41
meet. And yet, something still wasn't quite right. Something
8:46
didn't feel like I was on the right path, and yet I knew I had
8:51
this dream that I wanted to help people. So fill that space was
8:56
about helping artists. Artists aren't the people that I'm
9:01
supposed to be helping. And again, after then seeking some
9:05
more expert advice, I decided that I wanted to help people
9:10
like me who were feeling stuck, who didn't know what was next.
9:15
They just knew that where they were wasn't the place that they
9:20
wanted to be. So, I poured my heart and soul into creating
9:25
this wonderful online course because my focus was towards
9:29
mums at that time, and as mums, you know our time isn't our own.
9:35
We need to be able to catch bits of time to work on ourselves
9:39
when the opportunity presents itself. So I lovingly created
9:44
this online course so that women could access it whenever they
9:49
wanted to, and they had the guidance they needed to become
9:54
unstuck. Well, I released it into the world, Caroline, in
9:58
early 2020, and I don't know whether you've seen the film
10:03
"Field of Dreams" with Kevin Costner, where he is told, build
10:08
it and they will come. Yes. Well, he built it, they came. I
10:13
published it and I got tumbleweeds. So you know, this
10:17
dream of being a business owner started on very shaky ground.
10:22
And then, remember, I said it was 2020. We went into lockdown.
10:27
So I'm thinking, oh my word! Not only have I got like no
10:31
business? We're now in lockdown, where everybody's frightened
10:36
because they don't know what's happening from one day to the
10:41
next. What am I going to do? I need to generate an income
10:46
because although you know I'm in a stable relationship, I still
10:51
need to contribute to what's going on in our household, and
10:56
fortunately. I was podcasting at the time, and I thought that's
11:01
it. I'm just going to teach people how to podcast. I know
11:05
people want to podcast. I'm going to teach people how to
11:10
podcast. I do it. It's really easy, and I think people think
11:15
it's difficult, and yet it's not.
11:48
going to grow into, and you don't actually know what the
11:50
seed will become until you water it and you look after it, and it
11:55
blossoms. So that took me on this roller coaster of a ride
12:01
that I've been on for oh my word since like 2017 to actually get
12:06
to a point where I am a business owner, I am running a business
12:10
and yet it looks nothing like the seed I thought I planted. So
12:16
today I'm coaching both professionals and business
12:21
owners, rather than focusing on mums, and I also run my own
12:26
network called "Yamaas Networking", which is amazing.
12:29
It's like my pride and joy, and I've gone from oh my word, the
12:34
politics of working in corporate, where I didn't feel
12:38
like I could genuinely be myself, to showing up as me,
12:45
nearly warts and all, and having what I think a lot of people
12:50
strive for, which is freedom, and that is freedom to do what I
12:54
want, when I want, with who I want. So yes, I am living the
13:00
dream, or the dream that I wanted to live.
13:03
Caroline Buist: Brilliant, brilliant. Yeah, we've got a
13:05
very similar dream actually. This is exactly what I talk
13:09
about in the the first episode of this podcast. And yeah,
13:12
having having the freedom, like you said, is so important. But
13:16
what do you think is the main thing that stopped you in the
13:19
beginning from actually going for this dream?
13:21
Maria Newman: It was the experience of living my parents'
13:25
dream. You know, like my dad in particular, as well as my mum.
13:30
You know, he'd sort of get up at 8o'clock in the morning, and
13:36
when it was peak season, he might not go to bed until 11
13:41
o'clock, and this is seven days a week. And fortunately, we
13:44
Caroline Buist: Yeah, yeah. So how did you get unstuck? What
13:46
lived in the flat above the restaurant. Otherwise, other
13:48
did you do differently from what your parents did to make sure
13:50
than when we were physically working together, which didn't
13:56
happen obviously until we got older ish, we wouldn't have seen
14:01
each other. And you know, my summer holidays. My summer
14:06
holidays, from I don't know about 10, were my experiences.
14:11
It was all about working in the restaurant, and we were
14:15
fortunate enough to go on holiday. But as a family, family
14:20
time was quite limited. Now, don't get me wrong. I had a
14:25
brilliant childhood, yeah, and knowing that world didn't
14:30
encourage me or inspire me to set up my own business because I
14:35
was thinking, you know, what what quality of life do I want?
14:40
What experience do I want when I get married and have children?
14:46
And I didn't want what I'd experienced. So the biggest
14:51
hurdle for me actually coming around to starting my own
14:55
business was based on the experience I'd already had.
15:00
Which is having to give up stuff, and I wasn't willing to
15:05
give up anything.
15:09
Maria Newman: This is a phrase that we hear a lot, and I and
15:19
whenever I use it, I can see the eye rolls. It's all about
15:26
boundaries, deciding how you want to live your life, and
15:30
sticking very much to those boundaries. And that's not about
15:34
building like a brick wall between you and everything else.
15:37
It's about going right. Okay, then, how do I want life to be
15:40
like, what does it look like? And one of the biggest things I
15:44
did was, I think it was probably about four years ago now. You
15:51
know, it takes a while to get into this habit of being a
15:55
business owner versus being an employed person, which is
15:59
completely different. You know, as an employee, as a business
16:02
owner, you don't have to work every single hour just because
16:06
there's lots of hours available, and we were still putting our
16:12
children into holiday club as an example. And I could see their
16:16
faces when we would drop them off. Not so much their faces.
16:19
They also, you know, the odd tantrum would be thrown, and I
16:21
was thinking. I think my daughter was in year five when I
16:26
stopped, so my son would have been in year two. They just
16:32
weren't happy, and there's only so long that they'll want to
16:37
have you in their lives continuously before you know,
16:41
they then find their friends. Like now, you know, my daughter
16:44
since probably year six, so they have their own friends and they
16:49
don't necessarily want to spend as much time with you. And I was
16:52
thinking, I'm putting them in holiday club. They're happy when
16:56
they're there, but you know, the drop off sometimes can be a bit
17:00
awkward and not very pleasant, and they're young. What am I
17:06
going to miss? I'm in danger of actually missing what I said I
17:12
didn't want to miss. So, one of the things I put in place was to
17:17
only work during term times, and it hasn't affected my business
17:22
because people know I only work term times.
17:26
Caroline Buist: Yeah, you're very strict on it, aren't you?
17:28
Maria Newman: Yeah, yeah. So if you want something enough, you
17:36
will put in place the necessary to ensure that it happens, and I
17:43
want to spend time with my kids. I'm one of those odd parents
17:47
that when it comes to the six week holiday, I don't go, oh my
17:50
word, it's the six week holiday. What am I going to do with my
17:53
children? And I think this is probably because of my project
17:56
management background. We sit down, and I say to them, you
17:59
know, this is what an average week will look like, as in the
18:03
type of activity. And then I say to them, right, where are we?
18:07
What the detail behind it? So they are part of it, and we, I
18:12
was going to say compromise, but that makes it sound really
18:15
negative. So yeah, it is all about boundaries, and and don't
18:22
get me wrong. You know, I didn't go. Oh, I'm a business owner
18:25
now. Let's put the boundaries in place. It took me a while to go.
18:30
Oh, right. Okay, then. So I need to put some boundaries in place.
18:34
I know. Yeah, I know what it looks like and how I want
18:38
working life to feel. Because literally, you know, I was
18:41
getting up in the morning and thinking, okay, so how long can
18:43
I work? And to start with, I wasn't even having a lunch break
18:47
because when I was employed, I didn't really have a lunch
18:49
break. I might sit at my desk and have my lunch, or maybe not
18:52
have lunch. And actually, one of the things is it was thanks to
18:55
my husband I started having lunch. So it's all about
18:59
boundaries. How do you want life to look? And you know if it's
19:03
right because it feels right.
19:05
Caroline Buist: Yeah, absolutely. So, is there any
19:08
advice you would give your younger self?
19:12
Maria Newman: Ah, that's a great question. Probably loads of
19:15
advice. Well, it's funny because you're where you're meant to be,
19:25
so I wouldn't want to give my younger self any advice that
19:31
would necessarily change the trajectory because it would
19:35
change where I am today. So I think what I would say to my
19:39
younger self is just keep doing what feels right, and it'll all
19:47
turn out well. Yeah, because I think what we look for is
19:56
reassurance. Because as human beings, we don't like
19:59
uncertainty. So we plug the gaps of uncertainty with assumptions,
20:06
and usually our assumptions are more weighted towards negativity
20:12
because you know it's all about survival in this human world. So
20:16
if we look at the negative points and we've got those all
20:20
covered, anything else that's positive is a bonus. So yeah,
20:25
that's the piece of advice I would give my younger self.
20:29
Caroline Buist: So with the benefit of hindsight, is there
20:31
anything you'd think you'd do differently?
20:33
Oh crikey, would I do anything differently? I do, you know
20:34
Maria Newman: lots get
20:38
what, I often reflect just to see how far I've come, and would
20:39
Maria Newman: want this like cottagey type feel to my
20:43
I do anything differently? And the thing is, all of my
20:48
experiences have led to this point. So, for example, if I
20:53
hadn't started fill that space, if somehow I knew that coaching
20:58
was the route I needed to go to straight away. There's quite a
21:03
few people I've connected with previous to coaching that I
21:08
would no longer necessarily know and wouldn't have given me
21:13
advice, so that I am where I am today. So I don't know. That's
21:18
really. I want to say no. I wouldn't have done anything
21:23
differently. I mean, there's probably things like being more
21:28
assertive and being confident. I tell you, actually, there is one
21:33
thing that I definitely would change now, having thought about
21:38
it, and that's not what I have done. It's who I was at the
21:43
time. So I think a typical trap of people who go from being
21:48
employed to being business owners fall into is we assume
21:53
that because we're now a business owner, we're starting
21:57
from zero. We know nothing because we're a business owner.
22:02
You know, we've never been a business owner before. How can
22:07
we know anything? And I literally would turn up to
22:11
networking meetings with that. Oh well, I'm a newbie. I know
22:16
nothing. Please teach me. Teach me. When actually, I've had a
22:21
really successful 17-year career in corporate, and I had loads of
22:27
skills that I obviously still have today. So I wasn't starting
22:32
from zero. I may have been walking into being a business
22:36
owner for the first time. However, I was bringing a wealth
22:41
of knowledge and a wealth of skills with me, so I think the
22:46
one thing that I definitely would have done differently is
22:51
that mindset. You know what we were talking about right at the
22:56
beginning. It's all about your mindset. So going into any
23:01
situation, thinking this might be new, and yet if I look at
23:06
what I've done and what I've gone through in the past, I'm
23:11
bound to have something that I can bring with me that gives me
23:16
that feeling of this is not the first time, and I do have a part
23:21
to play here.
27:08
kitchen. I look at stuff on TikTok which is all straight
27:12
lines and very modern, and that's the opposite end of what
27:18
I'm looking for. I want something that looks like this
27:23
kitchen has been used, still nice and clean and tidy. But
27:26
this kitchen is a kitchen that feeds people with love, and
27:31
yeah, we want to build. We want
27:33
Caroline Buist: A proper working kitchen.
27:35
Maria Newman: Yeah, a proper working kitchen. But yeah, we're
27:37
looking to you know find a house that we can turn into our dream
27:42
house, where we can retire, and then if we're blessed, our
27:47
children will grow up and maybe have children of their own. So
27:50
we'll have grandchildren. So that the next dream.
27:55
Caroline Buist: I like the sound of your dream, Maria.
27:57
Maria Newman: Thanks.
28:01
Caroline Buist: So what would you say to somebody who's put
28:04
their dream on the back burner?
28:06
Maria Newman: What are you waiting for? It's really easy to
28:11
put it on the back burner and go, oh, you know, maybe
28:14
tomorrow, maybe tomorrow. You don't know whether tomorrow is
28:17
ever going to come, and especially if you're not feeling
28:22
happy, you know. Happiness is a state, and like I said, I get to
28:29
choose every morning when I wake up. You get to choose to be
28:31
happy because the one thing that nobody else has control over is
28:38
what goes on in your mind. And there's a great book by Viktor
28:42
Frankl called "Man's Search for Meaning", and in it, so he was
28:51
in a concentration camp, and he talks about his experience in
28:56
the concentration camp and the difference between the
29:01
individuals who survived their experience versus those that
29:05
didn't, and the one thing we all have control over that nobody
29:09
else actually has control over is what goes on in your mind,
29:13
and that is so powerful because those stories that we you tell
29:18
yourself, those beliefs that we have, the voice that's in your
29:23
head, that will determine what your external world looks like.
29:29
So those people who have put their dreams on the back burner
29:33
will probably have stories in their mind of well, you know,
29:38
you haven't got enough money yet. Oh, the time isn't right.
29:42
Oh, you're not ready for it. They're just stories. They're
29:46
not real. It's not reality. If it's like I said earlier, if you
29:51
really want something, you will make it happen. If it's on the
29:57
back burner, is it really a dream? Do you really want it?
30:03
Why wait? If it's your dream, you can make it happen, and that
30:07
doesn't mean that, say, if your dream is to have your own
30:12
business, it doesn't mean you go into your current job and and
30:16
hand in your resignation. You can always build your dream
30:19
alongside your current work, and when the time is right, swap
30:25
over. You know, it's that simple. Everybody's still going
30:29
to be saying, "Maria, it's not that simple. No, it is. It might
30:32
not be
30:33
Caroline Buist: That's what I did!
30:36
Maria Newman: Well, there you go. Caroline did it, everybody.
30:39
Caroline Buist: So it was only after I'd made the mistake of
30:41
leaving the job without any backup plan, so the second time
30:44
round I did it. You learn. I normally ask this question
30:48
earlier on, and I missed it, so I have to ask it because I am a
30:53
huge music lover, and it's kind of the theme that runs through
30:57
my book as well. So, if your dream had a theme song, what
31:00
would it be and why?
31:02
Maria Newman: So it would be "Freedom" by George Michael. So
31:07
hopefully that doesn't come as a surprise.
31:09
Caroline Buist: That's the same song as mine!
31:11
Maria Newman: Is it? There you go. So the lyrics say it all,
31:15
the lyrics from how I read and interpret the lyrics are, you
31:19
know, he started off being this person that everybody thought he
31:23
should be, and then he was like, "Not anymore. I'm going to be
31:28
me", and that's what this dream is all about. You know, I've
31:32
gone from saying yes to the man to saying yes to me. So it's
31:39
that simple.
31:39
Caroline Buist: Brilliant. Love that, and I love that we've got
31:41
the same theme song as well.
31:43
Maria Newman: It's amazing.
31:44
Caroline Buist: And the same dream actually.
31:45
Maria Newman: Yeah, we are matched.
31:48
Caroline Buist: We are definitely matched. So my final
31:51
question: How can listeners find out more about you and what you
31:54
do? What's the best way?
31:56
Maria Newman: So I'm really active on LinkedIn mainly. If
32:00
you type in Maria Newman, you will find me. Otherwise, you can
32:06
come and search my home, my web page, which is
32:13
www.mummyonabreak.co.uk, and just drop me a message. Let's
32:18
start a conversation.
32:20
Caroline Buist: Thank you so much, Maria. That was a great,
32:22
great conversation, and I love that fact that we're so aligned
32:25
with our dream and also our theme song. So that's the end of
32:30
episode three of Never To Late to Dream. If you love that
32:34
conversation, please subscribe, follow, like, and share. You
32:37
know the drill, and hopefully we will have another great episode
32:42
next time. We've got Keith Blakemore-Noble coming on for
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episode four. So yeah, catch us then, and remember, it's never
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too late to dream. It really isn't.