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What happens to a dream that almost didn't survive? · Unsilenced with Blanket Fort Hope

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: When is the last time that you had a God-sized dream, Kim? Yes.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Not a plan, not a goal, not a strategy for
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: next quarter. You know, the kind of dream that feels
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: way too big for you, for your budget, and it's
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: completely out of your stratosphere. And it's just too impossible
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: for the current reality that you're in. The kind that
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: only God can do. Those are fun dreams. If you're
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: struggling to answer that question today, this episode is for you.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: My name is Alexa Likas-James.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: And I'm Kim Meshago.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: This is Unsilenced, The Voices That Trafficking Tried to Erase.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Somewhere in your city, a child is being sold. And
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: the people doing it are counting on your silence. This
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: is Unsilenced, The Voices Trafficking Tried to Erase. A Blanket
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Ford Hope Podcast. I'm Alexa James.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: And I'm Kim Meshago.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Welcome to The Fort. Before I talk to you today
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: about this dream that we're going to share with you,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: this is how I understand it in my own life.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: And I hope that it's helpful to the people around
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: me that I'm talking to. Kim and I talk about
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: this a whole lot. We understand that we are on
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: God's assignment.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: And the one thing I have realized is that we're
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: in His army, which means He is the the chief
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: man in control, and he can deploy us in any
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: direction he wants to. I think that that was the
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: hardest thing for me to get used to because I'm like,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: but wait, hold on a minute. I'm comfortable right here.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: This is where I want to sit. This is what
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: I want to do.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Yes. Don't you feel that way sometimes?
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Yes. Don't move me out of my comfort zone.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: And then he reminds me of Hebrews 11, 1, that
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: faith is a substance of things hoped for and not
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: things seen. If I would have seen... 11 years in
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: front of me and what it was going to be,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: I may not be sitting in this chair because that's
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: what a dream is when God drops it in. If
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: we can see it, we're not dreaming it. We don't
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: have to believe in it. We don't have to believe
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: in God, right? That's right.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: It's trusting for what we hope for but cannot see.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: Yes. And I believe if you really want to start
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: living and having a little bit of fun, you better
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: start dreaming again.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Amen. Dreaming big.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Dream big because I listened to a podcast with Chris Hodges,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: and he talks about dreams are dropped in by the
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Holy Spirit. And we know that. And sometimes you're like,
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: was that from God? And I can remember questioning myself
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: so many times thinking, no, you're just crazy, Alexa. And
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: nobody clap when I say that. You know, sometimes it's
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: hard to tune into that. That's why it's so important
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: while you're in God's word. You know, it's so important
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: why you're on your knees because that dream most likely
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: is not going to make sense to you.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: That's right. So if we stop dreaming, we.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Stop moving in faith, and faith always requires a vision
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: beyond our current situation. That's right. It always does. Why
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: do we need faith if it doesn't? That's why we
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: have the faith of a mustard seed. And, you know,
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  Speaker 1: you've heard me say it a million times. I have
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  Speaker 1: a mustard seed and I'm not afraid to use it.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: I will throw it at you if I have to.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I have to throw it at myself sometimes as I
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: see that mustard seed. And it's so tiny. And it's
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: just so tiny. Faith is believing in things that do
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: not exist yet. We're believing in God for things that
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: don't exist. Blanket Fort Hope did not exist. I am
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: not a master social worker. Again, I'll go back to
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Noah and laughing at him for building an ark when
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  Speaker 1: he'd never seen rain. I can't tell you how many
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  Speaker 1: people looked at me and said, you've lost your mind.
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  Speaker 1: You do not have that skill set. I said, no,
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  Speaker 1: I don't. But I have a drive inside of me
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  Speaker 1: that I know that God has placed this in my heart.
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  Speaker 1: I know that he did because nothing in me would
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  Speaker 1: make me leave from the current situation I was in.
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  Speaker 1: I had a good living. I had a good job.
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  Speaker 1: I had a child about to go to school. And
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  Speaker 1: God took this little bitty soldier. that was so happy
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  Speaker 1: in her deployment and he changed my whole deployment. I
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: was nervous. I was scared. I'm not going to say
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  Speaker 1: that I wasn't. So we stopped moving faith. And when
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: we talked about if everything is visible and already funded
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: and figured out, we don't need to have faith. We
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: don't have to pray. And what keeps us on our,
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: what keeps us on our knees, Kim?
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  Speaker 2: It's having that, the challenges that come along with it,
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  Speaker 2: where you know that God has given you this vision and,
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: And he's given you this dream. But there are these
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  Speaker 2: challenges that come along.
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  Speaker 1: Yes.
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  Speaker 2: And then you start to question, is this what God
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: told me to do?
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  Speaker 1: Yes.
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  Speaker 2: Is it going to work out the way he said
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  Speaker 2: it did? And going on your knees and praying and
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: seeking him and have him unfold, you know, the next
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: step so that you can walk towards it. And sometimes
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: you walk in that next step with totally trusting and believing,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: even though you can't see it. And I stop and
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I think about, you know, when I was growing up. Yes.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: I was just encouraged and really motivated to dream big.
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  Speaker 2: The sky is the limit. You can do whatever you
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: need to do. That with the strength of Christ, you
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: can achieve anything. And as you begin to live in
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: this world, little by little, sometimes you can see where
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: that dream is kind of being robbed from you and
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: that ability to dream is kind of being robbed. But
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: that's one thing that's been so beautiful as I've come
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: to Blanket Fort Hope I love that. Is that I've
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: grown in my faith and I've grown back to that
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: belief and to the practice of taking one step at
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: a time and trusting totally in God. You know, I
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: came to Blanket Fort Hope thinking that my life, knowing
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: that it was changing. Yes. But I still had this
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: vision of what it would look like. Yes. And what
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: success would look like, how things would be built, how
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: things would be done. Yes. And God totally changed that around.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: And it looks totally different today.
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  Speaker 1: Every time.
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  Speaker 2: And even though it moves us out of our comfort zone,
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  Speaker 2: and even though it's not the way that I would
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: do it, I would not change a thing because his
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: plan is perfect.
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  Speaker 1: Yes.
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  Speaker 2: What he's shown us is bigger than anything I could
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  Speaker 2: have ever dreamed and anything that I could have ever
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  Speaker 2: made it. And so, you know, I'm wondering with you,
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: how is it? That you've kept your faith over 11
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: years and through, you know, it's really easy during the
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: good times, you know.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: But there are some very tough times and there were
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: some very tough times.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And you've maintained that faith. When you see this vision
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  Speaker 2: board of 12 homes.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I know. It's amazing.
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  Speaker 2: And a chapel. Yeah.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: And stables.
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  Speaker 2: Stables and all these things. And chickens and goats. She
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: keeps throwing the goats in y'all. And you go and
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  Speaker 2: you stand and what you see is the most beautiful
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  Speaker 2: woods undeveloped. How do you maintain your faith when you
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: know God has given you a dream, but with your
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  Speaker 2: physical eyes, you see just woods.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I think, you know, God builds each of us
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  Speaker 1: so uniquely and When I came into this, I did
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  Speaker 1: not feel equipped at all. The one thing I can
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  Speaker 1: tell you that God has given me is he's just
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: given me this huge drive for whatever I believe in
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  Speaker 1: to fight for. And I believe that finally at my age,
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  Speaker 1: I've come to realize maybe that is my gift. It
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  Speaker 1: wasn't being a doctor. It wasn't being a master social worker.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe that's what it was, was this drive to go
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  Speaker 1: get what I believed was right. Yes. It's extraordinary what
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: God can do and not what I can do because
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: if I was looking at myself, what it did to
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  Speaker 1: me is it kept me on my knees because of
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  Speaker 1: I just see the woods. And I'm taking people's donations
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  Speaker 1: and we're growing things. And so not only do I
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  Speaker 1: feel obligated to these people who are dreaming with me,
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  Speaker 1: but I've shared this dream and this vision with them.
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  Speaker 1: And so there's all these tentacles that are out. And,
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  Speaker 1: you know, so I'm on my, all I can tell
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  Speaker 1: you is I was on my knees and was like, Lord,
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  Speaker 1: show me the next step. People are believing in this
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  Speaker 1: dream now. It's not just me. And, you know, I
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  Speaker 1: do know this, that the remedy for life is to
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  Speaker 1: have purpose. It is, we can get stuck in the mud.
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  Speaker 1: We can be depressed. We can start asking the question,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: what am I supposed to do? But when we are
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  Speaker 1: walking out in purpose, it is the remedy for mundane living.
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  Speaker 1: That's right. I know that it is. I've experienced it.
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  Speaker 1: And so I think, You know, for me, where there's
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: no vision and purpose in my life, I just don't
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: I don't function well. And so I think that that,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: you know, what my mother used to say is, why
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: do you go through the brick wall instead of over it?
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  Speaker 1: I think now is that drive inside of me that
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: God gave me. It was what he wove inside of
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: me when he was creating me to be was to
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  Speaker 1: stick to it no matter what.
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  Speaker 2: Yes.
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  Speaker 1: And I want to point out, you said, and I
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: think it's important for people to hear this, that you
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: were raising dream big. Dream big. I kind of had
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: the opposite experience. Like there was a lot of, my
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: dad passed away when he was 15. He had diagnosed
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: with cancer when I was nine. So there was a
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  Speaker 1: lot of, there was three of us girls. So there
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: was a lot of hardship at that time. And I
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: want to point that out because I want people to
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  Speaker 1: hear God uses everything.
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  Speaker 2: That's right.
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  Speaker 1: He uses everything. Yes.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Took those things and he used them and he helped
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: mold me into what I am today. You know, it
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: motivates us to want to live out our calling. But
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: I think one step makes me want to do the
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: next step because we don't want to stop at step one, right?
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Exactly. And so keep going and keep. that momentum. Yes.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: And keep believing God. Yeah.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: And you just have, you know, we'd have all these prayers.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: I can remember going on that property and 73 blank
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: acres and, you know, praying over it. And I remember
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: sitting in the middle of that property and saying, Lord,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I don't, I don't know what to do. This is
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: too big.
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  Speaker 2: You want me to.
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  Speaker 1: Build these things? I'm not a contractor. You've heard me
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: say that a whole lot, but I sure have a
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  Speaker 1: mustard seed. That's what I keep. And I'll throw it
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: right at you. And You know, I want to take
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: you to Psalms 126. It said, What if true health, spiritual, emotional,
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: and rational health is having God-sized dreams and vision? He
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: tells us all throughout history. So when I, there's so
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: many things I could say to that question, but it
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: was just that one step, that prayer rock I would
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: go see. And I said, Lord, you tell me to
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: come to you and to pray to you and you'll
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: hear me. You also told me to read, to pray
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: your word back. If you wrote this word, because there
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: were doubts sometimes.
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  Speaker 2: Surely.
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  Speaker 1: There was crying.
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  Speaker 2: Surely.
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  Speaker 1: There was zero people on my side for a long time,
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: you know, and it was, I felt battled. battle-tired many,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: many years. And there were days I did want to
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: give up, and I'm not trying to be singing a
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: sad song, but it's just where the Lord had me.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: And it chiseled out all the stuff inside of me
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  Speaker 1: that made me have to stay on my knees.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: We can't be here if we're not on our knees.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: So if we are not going through the hardship, if
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: we're believing in ourselves, then it's not going to work.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: This is not about Kim and Alexa or just Blanket
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: Fort Hope. It is bigger than us. It's the hearts
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: of mankind can know who he is. We just get
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: to help the children. We get to be a part
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: of this army. And I think that's what's so amazing.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we get to be a part of it. And,
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: you know, you were talking about the tough times. And
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: you've been in this ministry at least 11 years. And
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: in the two and a half years that I've been here,
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: There have been some tough times. Yes. And I'll be honest,
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: sometimes it's very hard to keep going during those tough times.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: It is. It's very hard to continue to put one
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: foot in front of the other when you start to wonder,
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: did we dream too big?
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: Will we meet this timeframe? Yes. Will we really be
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: able to do what God called us to do?
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  Speaker 1: The answer to that is no, but he can.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: He can. And so you hit your knees and you pray.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: And when you get up, you know that he's with you.
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  Speaker 2: You know that he's comforting you and you have the
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: energy and the trust in him to keep going. Yeah.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: But if there is someone who is listening to us today,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: Who has been given a dream, a God-sized dream like
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: you were doing, like you were given? And I don't
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: know if you can remember feeling like, what has he
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: asked me to do? Is this even possible? If someone
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: is listening today, what would you say to that person
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: if they are feeling like, have I taken on too much?
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: And is this dream too big for me?
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: I think that the dreams, what I always would have
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: to have learned to tell myself is the dream is
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: too big for me, Kim. But it's not too big
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: for God. And you have to become so interdependent on Him.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Not perfection. There is no perfection. You see it. You
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: know my faults. You know my failures. You know my crying.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: You know when I come in the door going, what
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: in the world is happening? Why did this happen? I'm
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: still just, we're just people. There's no secret sauce inside
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: of us at all. The secret sauce is Jesus. That's it.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: And you have to be interdependent on him. You have
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: to quit listening to the voices outside because God says
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: forsake all others. And that was really difficult for me
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: because I'm a people person. And I had to have
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: conversations with my kids and even my parents about like
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I'm going from making a living with the world thoughts
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: and having insurance and paying bills to zero. And And
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: my mom looked at me. She goes, well, if anybody
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: can do it, I believe that you can. She goes,
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: I really do believe that you can because God has
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: put something inside of you that I've never seen before.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: She said, we couldn't beat it out of you. So
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: we just said, okay, go with it, kid. So it's true.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: He has a plan for us.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: He has a plan for us.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: He knows exactly what he has called us to do
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: and equipped you with everything that you need.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: And it goes back to remind me that we've got
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: to When we're raising kids, we've got to find their bent.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: I kind of grew up thinking I was just a
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: bad kid. I talked too much. I know that shocks everybody.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I made good grades, but I was always busy doing
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: something else. I would sidetrack. I mean, my most favorite
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: outfit was a cowgirl outfit that has two holsters on
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: it and cap guns and pow pow. Yeah, it's like
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: you better get out of my way. I'm coming. And
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: when I played with my Easy Bake Oven, I usually
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: made my brownies with mud just because I thought it
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: was funny. So, you know, it was just always this
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: creating and dreaming kind of personality anyway. And I think
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: it's just a reminder. Don't try to make a person
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: who they're not. Find a way to make it work
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: in their bent. How God created them because we have
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: a plan and a purpose. And Kim, there were days
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: I gave up and then God sent people like Kim Meshago.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Then God sent people like Suzanne Stalnick or Della Pender
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: and so many more along the way that just would literally,
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: if you could picture somebody just putting their arms underneath
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: you and carrying you sometimes. And that is the way
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: I felt. I remember one of those three people looking
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: at me and saying, you don't get to quit.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: You brought me into this dream and into this vision,
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: and God told me I need to join you. You
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: don't even get to tell me that you want to quit.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: And those are the kind of people, we need people
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: in our lives that are going to fight for us,
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: but look at us and say, oh, no, no, you're not.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: Not the yes people. I don't need yes people. I
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: need people that are going to battle with me.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: That's right. And I believe those are the people that
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: God sent specifically, that His Holy Spirit talks to just
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: to continue to encourage you. Just the vision, a picture of,
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: you know, someone coming along and just lending a hand
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: and being a support. And that's what God does for us.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: He sends help to us in ways that sometimes we
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: can never envision. And I'm glad that we're having this
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: discussion today because sometimes these discussions are not talked about
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: in ministry. Right.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Because everybody thinks it's so wonderful and so perfect. Noah
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: spent a hundred years. That's right. And everybody left him
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: and made fun of him. It wasn't nice. It wasn't sweet.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: There's been nothing sweet about this journey. There's been some
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: amazing moments with God. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: trade it. And the friends that we have made. And I,
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: you know, when I tell people, when I look back
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: on my own life, even today, if you, you know,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: you feel burned out and I've had those moments, depressed,
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: or you feel like you're running around in circles with
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: no direction whatsoever. It always points back always to one thing.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Every single time is I had stopped walking in my
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: God-ordained purpose.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: I started going in my direction.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: And I'm learning now.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: I can see little cues. I'm like, uh-oh, you better
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: get back this way because that one degree can end
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: up being 360 degrees real quick.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And you know, none of us are immune from that. No.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: There are times that I stop walking. in my ordained purpose.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: And you pray and you choose to step back in
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: line and step back into his guidance. Um, so I
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: think this is something that we all struggle with. And
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: why don't you.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: Share about your first three weeks there in the deep?
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: I think that's a really, I ran into a challenge
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: my first three weeks there. And this challenge was so
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: impactful in my life that, um, I started thinking and
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: not asking God. I started thinking that there is no
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: way God told me to come here and be a
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: part of this. What is about to happen is going
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: to be something that will disturb the progress of the
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: agency and not move us forward. What was I thinking?
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: And I remember coming to you. And I think you
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: actually came in my office. I did. And we were talking.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: Which is not unusual.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: And I said, I'm not supposed to be here.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: I was devastated.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: I don't know what I was thinking. And I said,
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: there is no way God told me to come here
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: and hurt, not help. And you said to me, Kim Meshago,
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: I know for a fact that God said you are
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: supposed to be here.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: I did.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: And you put your arms around me and you said,
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: we're going to get through this. Don't worry about a thing.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: We just need to pray and we need to keep
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: walking in God's way and everything will be okay.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: But see how easy.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: We're not immune to it. In a split second, I
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: was thinking, how can I scramble back from what's familiar
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: to me and what I know? And it was one issue.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: That's three weeks in.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Three weeks in. And I'm like, God didn't tell me
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: to do this. And it could have imploded on us
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: really quick.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: I'm out of here.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: I was like, no, you're not.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: And again, God sends someone to speak to you and
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: remind you. You're not here because you said you were
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: supposed to be here. And if you're here because of that,
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: you're right. We're going to fail. You've got to be
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: here because God sent you and you've got to be
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: willing to follow what he's told you to do. What,
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: two and a half years later, I'm still here.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Yep, and we have a home that's open. And we
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: have a home that's open.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: We are, you know, the last we were here on
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: the podcast, we were accepting referrals. Right. Now we have
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: received referrals, and we will have some young ladies that
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: we're about to receive. And it was all in God's time.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: It was all in the way that He told us
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: to do it. And it's all in prayer now. and
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: supplication and depending on God.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Dependent, that interdependence. Yes. And I love how God always,
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: and I think this is a good thing to remember,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: when you're battling and you've already put these people in
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: your life that are not, yes, man, but people that
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: are on their knees praying with you and believing with you.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: And I knew that I knew that you were supposed
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: to be with us for years. And Satan was taking
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: what you are so strong at and your strongest strength, Kim,
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: I think this is such a great reminder. You are
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: a master clinical social worker. You've had 30 years experience.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: And he was whispering. And he was taking this good
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: stuff that you have and telling you that you have failed.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: And then he was taking it and he was driving
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: it even further. And then he's bringing in, I've disappointed Alexa.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: I'm going to disappoint Blanket Fort Hope. What are we
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: going to do? How are we going to get through this?
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: He was taking your greatest strength as what he does
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: and whispering.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: He just twists it just a little bit. But God.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: You just stayed that faithful walk, just like when he
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: parted the Red Seas. With encouragement.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: With encouragement. Yes. Yeah. And that's the beauty of having
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: a community of believers.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: You have to.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: That you can lock arms with in ministry. Because the
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: day is going to come where you can be an encouragement. Yeah.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: And where you can have someone to encourage you as well.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Amen. Amen.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Amen. So.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: I think even in the hardest seasons that we have,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: there's always been an anointing in it. How many times
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: can we look at this and say, we are debt free? Yes.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: That is impossible in the world. Because of Jesus.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Because of Jesus. That is anointing. Because when I look
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: at myself and my sin, and I mean, I have
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: to put, and this is no joke. Sometimes I have
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: to put my own self in timeout. Yes, I know.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: I have witnessed it. You can't talk to me now.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: I'm in time out. I'm in time out.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: Wait till my buzzer goes off.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I have 15 minutes that I have to, you know,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: get through it. And then I'm like, I sinned. I'm sorry.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: All the things I was thinking and, you know, stomping
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: my feet and all the things. But I got to
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: get it back right in my head. Yes. Because God
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: loves us so much. Yes, He does. And we see
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: the anointing.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: And we have to. I constantly daily have to back
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: up and say, I almost took a misstep. That's right.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: Or I did take a misstep. Or I thought something.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: that I shouldn't have been thinking about this or trying
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: to fix that, that I should not be doing. And
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: if there's something inside of us that won't let something go,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: I think the wrong dream always feels heavy. Yes. I
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: think it feels heavy, and I think you know it
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: feels backwards. That's right. No matter how good it looks
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: to the outside world, I think the wrong dream looks heavy.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: You know it. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, there's this piece,
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: even in the tough times, there's this piece that we
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: get to experience having these big dreams. And part of
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: it is knowing I can't, but God will.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: And you can rest in that.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: And all you have to do is what he's asked
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: you to do and have this trust and this faith
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: that he's going to carry the rest. And so sometimes
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: when it's heavy, Are we in step with him or
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: have we taken over and we're working outside of him
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: and his will?
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I don't think that there was ever a time,
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: even in the hardest moments, even on the days I
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: wanted to quit, it wasn't because it felt that it
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: felt heavy or wrong. It felt too hard or like
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: maybe I was the one keeping it. Yes. But then
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: I would ask myself this question. Do I feel If
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: I walked away from this, would I feel relief or
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: would I feel grief? And I think those are good
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: questions to ask. And there was no doubt in my mind.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: If it was relief, it was never mind. If it
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: was grief, then I knew it was from God. And
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: it was always grief. Like my heart literally felt broken.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: I can't walk away. I can't. I just cannot.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: I can't do it.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: My assignment is not done.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: You're not being released.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: But then I would ask myself, are you just being stubborn?
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: But then I remind you, that's why it's so important
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: that we stay in his word and in his purpose. Yes.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: And he encourages us. And he says, come to me
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: and pray to me.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: I will hear you. And again, D.L. Moody, our greatest
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: fear should not be a failure because you're going to,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: even in this, I have failed. You're going to, it's
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: the only way to get to the next step sometimes.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: But it's succeeding at something that really matters. That doesn't
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: really matter. I'm sorry. But it's succeeding at something that
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: doesn't really matter. And that's where you feel that emptiness
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: inside of you. So. I think, you know, then we
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: have the dying dream, you know, that we can talk about.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: And that the dream is real, the call is genuine,
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: but there's always delay and there's struggle in it. Oh, goodness,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I can remember thinking. I should have had this built. Oh, yes.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: I wanted it in year 2017. And now I look
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: back at myself, I didn't even have a kiln.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: Yes. And that has gone. We have dealt with that
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: on several days. And then we learned why God did
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: not open it at that time.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: We learned why the generator was not ready yet. Yes.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: It becomes very, very clear to us. That it wasn't
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: his time and that this is the perfect time.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: That's right. And there's such a God story in all those,
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: even the generator.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: Even every single piece of it, there's a huge God story.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: And it's stepping back, like we said before, and realizing
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: we get to be his hands and his feet.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: But it's his vision and it's his plan. It is always.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: And there's always this inner struggle with me. I don't
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: know about you, Kim, that even with the generator, because
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: of my personality is such a let's get it, let's
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: do it. I have learned because we had a free generator.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: It wasn't going to work. And instead of trying to
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: manipulate all the pieces and the stuff to try to
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: make it work, because I'm like, I got to save money.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: We end up getting a generator three times as big.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: And what we actually get.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: Need for the house. Need for that house. And my
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: whole goal in that house with the tornado shelter that
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: it has is that the girls don't have the fear
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: of lights going out or loose food or thunder and lightning.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: And this generator will keep the whole house running. And
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: we got a full ride for it, a full grant.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Only because we stayed in line with what God said.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: And see, that's my, that's where I have that inner struggle.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: It's like, do I slow down? Do I speed up?
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Do I, cause I don't, there's no in between. Yeah.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: It's either I'm off or I'm on.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: It's one. Every day I'm looking for the in between.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: What is in between? What does that look like?
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: I don't even know how to sleep in between. It's
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: either all out there or it's not, you know, but
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: I remind God, I said, you know, this is, Who
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: you created me to be.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: That is right. He gave us everything that he needed.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: And so before we start to close, I want to
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: speak directly to someone who's out there. Maybe you came
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: into this episode today carrying a dream that you've been
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: too afraid to say out loud. Something that God planted
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: in your heart and it feels too big. Or you
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: feel like it's too late or it's too far gone.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: We want you to know that dream is not an accident.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: It's not wishful thinking, and it is not too late.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: The God who placed it in you has not changed
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: his mind about you. Say it out loud. Write that
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: dream down. Pray over it. Find someone who will pray
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: with you. Find someone who will not laugh at you
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: but encourage you. Because you are not alone in this,
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: and you were never meant to be alone.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: That's right. And, you know, because... the dream that God
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: has given you or even this dream that we've been
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: talking about, however buried, however deep, however impossible it seems
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: right now. So I started this in my 50s and
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was screaming about it like I do
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: not want to start over. Listen to the language of
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: the Holy Spirit. He has not stopped talking to us, Kim.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: He's talking to us every day.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: People, they forget that. Every single day He's present with us. Yes.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: So now to Him who is able to do immeasurably
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: more than all we ask or imagine according to His will.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: and His work inside of us. This is Ephesians 3,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: 20 and 21. And to God be all the glory.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: To God be the glory.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: And that brings us to the end of our podcast today.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining The Fort, and we look forward
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: to you joining podcast number six. I'm Kim Meshago. And
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: I'm Alexa James.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: And this is Unsilenced, The Voices Trafficking Tried to Erase.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: We'll see you in the next episode.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: If you or someone you know needs help, Call or
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: text the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 1-888-373-7888. Available 24
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: hours a day, seven days a week. To learn more
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: about Blanket Fort Hope, visit BlanketForthHope.org. Together, we can make
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: sure no voice goes unheard.