Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Everyone Should Try Being Gay with Karamo Brown

Transcript

Everyone Should Try Being Gay with Karamo Brown · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. How are you. Oh, I'm well,
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: thank you. It's September. We're still in September. I feel
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: like September is definitely part of summer now, it's not
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: the fall. I was at Disneyland. Okay, that's enough, Nope,
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: no more talking. Almost died there. So there has been
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: a heat wave in Los Angeles, and luckily I've only
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: been there. I'm not there right now. I've only been
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: in Los Angeles for six days this month. Oh my gosh.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: So that's been good because I tried to avoid I
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: tried to hop scotch around the country to avoid the heat.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: But yeah, one hundred and five degrees is gross, especially
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: for like ten days straight. My family and I are
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: in the business now, My cousins and my nuclear family
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: are all in the business now of buying a compound. Oh,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: we are looking in Connecticut possibly. I told Molly to
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: get on it because obviously I can't do any of
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: the legwork. She's responsible, and she's responsible, way more capable
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: than I am doing almost anything. When we were on
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: tour this last weekend, I was like, can you just
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: go up and do my set for me? And She's like, no,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: that's one thing I cannot do say she probably knows
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: that now. But I can do is my set. It's
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: like I'm capable of doing nothing but talking excessively, and
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: that I don't even really want to do that either.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. Everything I do is writing talking.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: It's all word use. That's it. You're a specialist. I'm
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: a talking specialist. Even my editor came back to me
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: last weekend and we had to do a legal call.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: I had to do a legal call to make sure,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: like book, yeah, for these situations that are true. And
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: my book is going to be published on a very
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: special date next year. It may or may not be
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: my fiftieth birthday, So we will get to that when
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: we get to that. But she was like, oh, we
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: have to do and I'm like, listen, I don't know
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: how many more conversations I can have about this fucking book.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I wrote it. It's in great fucking shape, and like,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: let's wrap it up. I told Molly, I'm like, I
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: have to do a call about my book. She's like,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: oh my god, is that book still Oh my good?
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Has it even come out yet? And I'm already done
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: talking about it?
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: So you need to like manifest for you, like things
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: coming to a close, like things like moving the fuck.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: I know, Oh, Doug, not you, Doug though, no, not you,
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: you say we need you. Our guest today is someone
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: you know as one of the Fab Five on Netflix's
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Queer Eye. He also has his talk show Karamo, which
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: is back for it's third season. So please welcome Emmy
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: winning talk show host Caramo Brown.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: Through Life. I don't wait for anyone else to do it.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, exactly. You got a clap for yourself. If
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: I could clap with my feet, I would be but
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: I can't. I could do other things with my feet, though,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: but we'll get into that later. I'm sure. I'm just
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: about to say, obviously you can too. We're recording in
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: my house today, so this is very exciting, beautiful home.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: You're oh, well, thank you, it's coming together. You're our
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: first in house guest ever. That is exactly well. I
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: always love a black man to start anything off for me.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: This is perfect. Okay. I want to talk to you
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: about your story because it's pretty fascinating about your children,
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: So break down for us. You came out when you
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: were sixteen, is that right?
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: Fifteen?
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Fifteen fifteen and you had already gotten someone pregnant unbeknownst
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: to you.
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: Yea.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: So she was I like your stuff.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you do it right. She was my best friend.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: She was probably one the first people I told that
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: I was gay at fourteen, before I told my entire family,
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: and which was rough because I'm a son of immigrants,
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: so my parents aren't from this country.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Where are they from?
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: Jamaican and Cuba, And the Jamaica's side is very you know,
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: they're very homophobic. But I just knew I couldn't live
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: my life without telling the truth. I'm somebody who just
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: spits out my own truth. Hey, like I like you,
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: no secrets, tell it all. And so she had a
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: boyfriend that was a senior when we were a freshman,
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: and she didn't want to lose a virgina to him
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: and be bad, so she'd be bad in bed, be
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: bad in bed. So she asked if I would practice
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: with her. And again at fourteen fifteen, it made sense, like,
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: you know, I'm gay, but I can practice with you.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: I'm a male, so we can practice. And anything got
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: me hard back then, like the breeze, the wind got
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: me hard.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: That's always something that comes up with men that we
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: had sex with women before they came out. People like,
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: how did you get an erection? I'm like, ah, any
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: teenager can get in an direction, anything by.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: A curtain, yeah, anything, you know what I mean. The
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: beating of the music in the car, and all of
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: a sudden, I was like aroused, and so we did it.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: It lasted, no joke, five seconds, and I sat on
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: the edge of the bed, like pacing back and forth.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: It was like no, no, no, but I was just
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: like I knew I did not want to do that
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: ever again.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Was it sex?
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: It was obviously penetrated once or twice, and then was
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: like I don't like this, don't like this, and I
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: feel bad later in life I apologize because I'm like
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: I ruined your first time. Like I'm on the bed
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: of the side of the bed crying and you're like
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: holding me and saying I'm so sorry, and I'm like,
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: that's your first thing.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: It's almost like you were in a threesome and you
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: were the third person that got left out, sitting on
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: the edge of the.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: Bed exactly, and then she moved away. This is nineteen
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: ninety five, so this before the internet. Like the things
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: that we know today cell phones, so when someone moved,
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: if you didn't have their home address or their home number,
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: you couldn't you know, see him. And so I went
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: on with my life. And then when my son was nine,
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: I got a stack of paper for back child support
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: from the Attorney Generals of Texas office, and I thought
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: I was being punked because that show Punk was on
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: and I was on Real World back in the day,
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: so I thought they were doing some like punked, you
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: know d lists version, you know, like let's punk the
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: gay guy from Real World. And I was like, I
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: don't have a freaking kid, threw the papers down, and
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: then soon that night I realized I saw her name
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: that I hadn't seen since I was fifteen, My name
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: and then this kid's name, and then I went back
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: to Texas where I'm from to find out if it's true,
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: found out it was, and then petitioned for custody of
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: him six months later, full custody, full custody because she
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: was now twenty five with five kids, so she was drowning.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: And so she had reached out for support to you right.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: Who was she applied for benefits and the State of
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: Texas found me because she put my name on the
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: birth certificate without me knowing.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, I see.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: And so when I showed up on her doorsteps, she
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: didn't even know that I was coming. And it's funny
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: because I should have been angry, but I wasn't because
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: the men I saw her, we were fifteen again, I
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: know the broken home she came from, and so I
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: just remembered us being kids, and so I just was like,
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: we just started crying and laughing. And for the first
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: thirty minutes that we reconnected, we didn't even talk about
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: the kid. Were like, we're just reconnecting. And then she
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: was like, oh shit, your son's coming home in thirty minutes.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: Do you want to meet him?
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: But what prevented her from reaching out to you this
• 6:23
  Speaker 5: whole time?
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: She said she didn't want to ruin my life, like
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: her life was wrong.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Oh oh my god.
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: She was like she wanted We grew up extremely poor,
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: and she was like she wanted want of us to
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: make it, and so her idea was by me not
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: having to deal with this, I would make it. And
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: there's a lot of part to that that's true. I
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: talk about this with my best friend Tray all the time.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: Is that, like, I don't know if i'd be here
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: if I had to have the responsibility of raising a
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: child at fifteen, absolutely, you know, like I was afforded
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: to go through high school, I was afford to go
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: through college, I was afford to move to LA to
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: kind of live my life. And then a child popped up.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: And don't get me wrong, I was still young, but
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: now I had all the resources and enough knowledge to
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: take care of him. But at fifteen, I mean, I
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: don't think. I don't know if that could have screwed
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: me up totally. I might have went back in the clouse.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: I don't know, you know, I'd like, I don't know
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: where my life would have been if she didn't make
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: that decision. And so because of that decision, that's why
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: I took custody, Because I said, I'm going to make
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: your life easier in every way I can.
• 7:19
  Speaker 5: And was she okay with you taking custody for custody events.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Well, she was because of the fact that I made
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: a promise to her that I would keep our family tight.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: So even for the first year and a half that
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: I got him, I didn't move from Texas, even though
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: I had my place in La I'd made sure that
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: every day we were going back and forth so that
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: he felt connected. But then I realized there was a
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: bigger plan because within that year, she has another son
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: who because I worked as in social services, I was
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: a safe placement and so instead of them moving all
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: the kids into foster care, and so he came with me.
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: And it was supposed to be for six weeks thirty
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: six months, and somewhere at that year point of him
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: being with me, he was doing better. He's going to therapy,
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: his grades was great, and he called me dad because
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: he never knew his biological father. And I was like, oh,
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: should I have two kids? And so I went to
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: her and I was like, they're both doing good. Should
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: I take custody of both? And she was like, thank you.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: And we've been a tight knit family. She comes, we're tight.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: We go back and forth and and you know, so,
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: I'm like, you did it for me so I could
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: be here, so I'm going to help you.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's really beautiful.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: So the lesson of this is every girl out there,
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: sleep with your gay.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Bestie, that's right. I hope that they'll make it on
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: queer eyes and then yeah, and I get.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Their own talk show.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so how is that? I mean, what that responsibility
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: coming on in such a burst. I mean, you don't
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: really have a lot of time to prepare for that responsibility.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: So what what was it about it that made it
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: so doable for you?
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: Well, it wasn't. I think I had this sort of
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: blind delusion because my father was shitty and I knew
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: that I didn't want to be him, so I sort
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: of I went into this with sort of like a
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: vengeance of I'm gonna show you you fuck her, I'm
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: not like you and I and so if I'm being
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: real with it, it wasn't that I was like I
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: could be a dad. I just knew that I wasn't
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: going to be him, and I wanted him to watch
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: me be better than him. But in that process I
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: learned so much empathy, love, vulnerability. Like my kids saved
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: my life because right before I'd met them, I was suicidal.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: I tried to kill myself two years before. My best friend,
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: the same person is the one who found me. He
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: was leaving for work and I just tried to do
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: it and then on his he had a sense and
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: came back and called the ambulance. So I was just
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: having and it was all based on daddy issues, all
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: daddy issues, everything about my father hating me. You know,
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: my dad was abusive to my mother my entire life,
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: and when I told him I was gay, he literally
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: from in high school because we lived together my mother
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: finally divorced him. He would walk by me for weeks
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: without saying a word. And now I know what type
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: of emotional and mental abuse that is, but at the
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: time it was just our household. He would literally be
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: standing in the kitchen. I would ask him questions to me,
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: like talk to me, talk to me, and he would
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: not because he was like, I don't want to talk
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: to your fagot ass. And so I knew that I
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: could be better than him when I became a father,
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: and that was sort of the catalyst. I'm like, yeah,
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: give me.
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: Kids, and what's your Have you had any contact with
• 10:05
  Speaker 5: your father now?
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a couple of years ago, like six years ago,
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: which I thought was the money and fame, but he
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: hasn't answer or anything. Fingers crossed. He came to me
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: later and was like, I'm so sorry for how I
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: treated you. I reconciled my relationship with religion and my
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: relationship with you, and I realized I should have put
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: you first. I'm sorry for everything I did. Please give
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: me a chance, and I had already give forgiven him
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: from years ago. I was like, I was like, you
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: didn't know no better because your daddy didn't teach you
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: any better, and you didn't know any better because you
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: were hurting, And so I just I gave that up
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: a long time ago, any hurt. And also I didn't
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: want my kids to see me hating.
• 10:37
  Speaker 5: So I was called a cycle breaker.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: That's book to cycle breaker.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I just opted and I was like, you
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: welcomed me back in my life. Thing. Two boundaries I
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: have is that you can never disrespect me in front
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: of my children, because if you have a problem with
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: who I'm dating or who I'm loving. And secondly, you're
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: not able to teach any of my kids in your
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: bad habits, So like if you're drinking or these things,
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: and does I said, if you can respect those two things,
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: you're fine. And he has not ever say anything bad.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: And when he gets around the suns, he is like
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: an angel. And my Mom's always like, that's all it took.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: Tokim a fucking angel with some boundaries on his ass.
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: I know better late than never, though, right.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: I Mean, people can be such big disappointments in your life,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: but once they turn it around, it's like all is forgiven.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you're a healthy person who's able to forgive,
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of people that can't.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: But forgiving is so good for you, it's so good.
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: Well that's why I did it earlier, because I realized
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: when I was suicidal it was because I was holding
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: onto all this anger with him, and I was like
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: resenting him, and it made me sadder. And then I
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: was like, I don't want to be here anymore because
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: like what, I'm gonna end up being like him and
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: like all this stuff. I had a boyfriend before, when
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: I was in my twenties that we were in a physical,
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: abusive relationship and anytime I got angry, I would hit
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: him and it was you too, No, I was I
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: was a bully. I was my father. I was my father.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: And that sort of led me to that place of
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: being depressed because I knew I was turning into him,
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: and because it was the only model I have where
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: I like, people would get mad and I would just
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: go silent. I was just like literally turning into him.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: And I didn't realize until I forgave him and told myself,
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: I have to work to be better. I have to work.
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: I have to make conscious decisions to break this that
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: I would have I would have turned into him. And
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: so you know, I'm glad I didn't.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: No, I'm glad you did it too. What's your relationship
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: status these days?
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: I'm single?
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: And are you available looking for a lover?
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: Oh?
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: No, you're not.
• 12:26
  Speaker 6: I am not.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: How old are your kids now?
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: Twenty six and twenty four?
• 12:30
  Speaker 7: Shit?
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that is crazy.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: I do not want a relationship. Why because they're trash? Well,
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: I want everyone else to find love. I just don't
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: want to.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Well that's normal for to go through phases where you're
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: not interested.
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what, I've never been seing on my entire life.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Well, then that's why you need to be single.
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: How long has it been.
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: That I've been single?
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm?
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: What two months?
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Oh? Well that's not a lot of time.
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: I'm being patient and.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: You're not getting penetrated at all. I'm sorry, or penetrating anyone.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you're a top bottom. Okay, Well,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: I can talk about your body that you're probably a top,
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: a good top. But yeah, I've been able to now
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: differentiate tops and bottoms. I'm like, oh yeah, well, I
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: mean it's pretty obvious. Are you a top or bottom?
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: I don't know?
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: But also, why the fuck does it matter?
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Why am I decided? It's not like you look at
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: a heterosexual couple and be like, does she get on top?
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Like you don't think about that? It's so gay? Thank you.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I'm just very curious. So how long do you think
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: you'll go? How long? What's your plan to remain alone?
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Because I think it's very healthy to be okay by yourself.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Everybody needs to learn that.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, my plan is hopefully a year or two. Oh, okay,
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: that's the plan. You think I should go longer?
• 13:49
  Speaker 5: No, I think that's a long time. Yeah whatever, I mean.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: I just I know, at least a year. But I'm
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: my best friend. He thinks it should be at least
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: to because I haven't been single, like and I slept
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: with her. I got into a relationship with a boy,
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: and got to another relationship with a boy and to
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: another one and they're all long term. I ended my
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: relationship when I found out I was kids and then
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: moved kids in and then during them I had a
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: ten year relationship, broke up with him in twenty twenty,
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: then got to another one two months later, broke up
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: with him, and then got into the one I was
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: with for three years.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: But you must feel I would imagine being on a
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: show like Queer Eye really lends itself to confirming your
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: positivity about your gayness.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I like being gay.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I mean right, yeah, but a validation.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: I swear most people should try being gay once in
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: their lives.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Most people do try one. Some people try a couple
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: more of the time than once, and you're like, ah,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: you might actually be gay.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah you're right. Yeah, but I love it and being
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: on the show. Yeah, it just what it really does
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: is like it helps. It feels so good to go
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: into spaces where people might have reservations or like my father,
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: not know how to reconcile their religion with their love
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: of other people, and the fact that you can walk
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: into spaces and then all of a sudden they're like, oh,
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: we're all the same, yeah dummy, Yeah, of course we're
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: all the same. But sometimes it takes people a little
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: bit longer, and so to be able to be on
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: a show where you've just become that image that all
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: people deserve respect and love and kindness feels good.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean it's it's a good message, will and
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: for it to be such a huge hit, for it
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: to be in one so many Emmys and beyond for
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: so many years, it's a big validation for gay people everywhere.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Among the other cultural things that are happening. It's nice
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: to see something like that be so successful.
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: Can I tell you a story that I want to
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: share with you that you're never going to remember?
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: Oh fine, Oh, I already know I won't remember it.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: It's actually a really good one.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Oh good, I love. Those are my favorites, only because.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: You brought up the career I before was in television.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: Came to your house. This is twenty sixteen, fifteen you lived.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: I don't even know. I was bell are Yes with
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: Charlie Ston's.
• 15:55
  Speaker 7: Mother, Juke Gerdad Yes, and her friend Keisha Knowles. Okay,
• 16:00
  Speaker 7: I probably don't memembory these. You had a dinner party
• 16:01
  Speaker 7: and they somehow let me come and I was there.
• 16:05
  Speaker 7: You are very kind, You're nice, and you say, what
• 16:08
  Speaker 7: are you doing? I said, I work in social services
• 16:10
  Speaker 7: and he said, then you know, what do you really
• 16:11
  Speaker 7: want to do? And I said, I really want to
• 16:12
  Speaker 7: be a TV host and you looked me up and
• 16:14
  Speaker 7: down and said you're going to make it. And I
• 16:16
  Speaker 7: was like, ah, I thought you're being sweet, and then
• 16:17
  Speaker 7: you stopped and said, no, you're going to make it
• 16:19
  Speaker 7: because you're thoughtful in your kind and I really believe
• 16:22
  Speaker 7: in you, and you need to know me, and those
• 16:23
  Speaker 7: type of things when you're a big celebrity to say
• 16:26
  Speaker 7: to somebody who's on the come up, which is very kind.
• 16:28
  Speaker 7: First of all, I was surprised you have me in
• 16:30
  Speaker 7: your house.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: Me too, oh, like, what the hell? And you have
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: me in your house and you said the kindest things
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: to me that night.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: That's so nice.
• 16:39
  Speaker 5: Thank you for sharing that.
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: What really surprised me was to stop and like, no,
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying this just to say this. I'm encouraging
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: you in a very I.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Think it is very important, especially now that you're in
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: that position. It is very important to always see people
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: and make sure that they know you saw them, because
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: it really does make a difference in every person's life
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: when they are being seen or when they are seen,
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: you know, like and especially so much I feel this
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: way about children, you know, when children are going through
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: tough times or they just need one fucking person, not
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: to become famous, but just to be to have like
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: their back, to like I see you, I support you,
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: I've got your back, and I'll be here for you.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: It really is something that goes a long way, and
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: as you can demonstrate by your memory.
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: It's meaningful, meaningful.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: And I remember when people said things like that to
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: me as well.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's that extra pause, you know what I mean.
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: I just think about leaving parents when they're busy, and
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: we get it, but you're talking to your kids, you're
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: doing stuff. But when you say, let me put down
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: and let me be present, partners kids with a stranger,
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: because that's what I will see, a stranger. And that's
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: why the pause and saying no, you can make it
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: meant something, because it was like, you don't know who
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: the hell I am. You don't even know if I'm
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: good or not. But your encouragement in the pause was
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: enough to say you can at least try. And I
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: believe and so appreciate you have me over your house.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: And she was right, Yeah, exactly the most important bar. Okay,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: I'm not We're going to take a break and we'll
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: be right back to take some callers. And we're back.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: We are back.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: We actually have some very juicy ones today.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: I love juicy.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: I love a juicy booty.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Did you see my big black dog, Beautiful.
• 18:25
  Speaker 5: I finally have a black man to come home to
• 18:27
  Speaker 5: you every night, Doug.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: It's a man. They were like, we have a black one,
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: we have a blue one, and I'm like, you know what,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: so beautiful. Look at him?
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: He is.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: What kind of dogs do you have?
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: German shepherd mix husky mix and a.
• 18:43
  Speaker 5: Blue healer, a blue healer, a lot of energy blue heeler.
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: Actually, she was abused for so many years, so she's
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: so quiet and all she does is protect me. But
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: the Shepherd husky mix though nightmare.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: High energy, high energy.
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: Yeah, this is a fir. I haven't had a hire
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: ANAJR dog in a while.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: And I'm like take it. Yeah, okay, and we're back, Catherine.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: What do we have, Well, we've got a shared custody
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: situation with Zoe and McKenna.
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: There.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Zoey's the one writing in.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: She says, Hi, my name is Zoe, I'm twenty two,
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: and my friend's name is McKenna.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: She's twenty three.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: McKenna and I have been volunteering at a local animal
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: shelter for five years now. We've also been roommates for
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: two years. Once we got our own place, we met
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: a pupp at the shelter and absolutely fell in love.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: We brought him home as a foster, but both of
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: us knew we wouldn't be able to give him up.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: We adopted him and named him Billy. For two years,
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: we've split all the vet bills, the adaption fee, other
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: costs and responsibilities for Billy, and we both love him
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: very much. We knew we weren't going to be able
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: to live together forever and plan to work something out
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: when things changed, Well, things changed. I got a job
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: in a city that's five hours away. Understandably, neither of
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: us wants to part with Billy, and since I'm the
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: one moving, I do see McKenna's point that it might
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: be more fair for her to keep him. That said,
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: she's moving back in with her parents, who already have
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: two dogs, and is a full time student.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: She's still a good.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: Dog mom and would care for him, but her parents
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: would share their responsibility and she has two dogs at home.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: My new job would be hybrid remote, so I'd be
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: in the office two days a week and home the
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: other five to spend time with Billy. I've also looked
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: into doggie daycare and walkers. I'm kind of nervous about
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: moving to a new city on my own and would
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: love to have Billy there with me. I expressed this
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: to McKenna in conversation, and she brought up that since
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: she signed the adoption papers, Billy is technically hers, so
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: I can't take him. Since we're such good friends, I
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: thought maybe there was a compromise to be made, as
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: I was a bit taken aback, as this seemed harsh
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: to me, like it could strain our friendship. In hindsight,
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: we should have had more discussion on different scenarios of
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: custody when we adopted Billy, but we were excited to
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: have a dog, and we both still love him so much.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: We're at a bit of a stalemate, looking for an
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: outside opinion to help us move forward. Zoe and McKenna, Well, I.
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: Love couples counseling.
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: This is right. This is hi girl, Hi, Hello, where's Billy?
• 20:56
  Speaker 6: Billy is actually here?
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: Do you want to see you billy.
• 21:01
  Speaker 8: Me.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: I really, I see why you could get very sweet,
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Ni Kada.
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: Where are you right now with your parents?
• 21:13
  Speaker 6: Yes, I'm actually at my parents right now because we're
• 21:16
  Speaker 6: having like a little family vacation. We're leaving to Kelowna tomorrow.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: So oh you're in Canada?
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love it. And so where did we move to? Which?
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Which city?
• 21:26
  Speaker 6: She's moving to? Vancouver?
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: So what do you feel like you're going to miss
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: emotionally if you don't have this dog.
• 21:33
  Speaker 6: The support, Like, I feel like the emotional support. He's
• 21:36
  Speaker 6: like my heart, my heart dog, my soul dog. And
• 21:41
  Speaker 6: it's hard because we both love him so much.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: But what is it that you need emotional support for
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: what's going on in your life?
• 21:47
  Speaker 6: Just like school and life? And I actually I'm a
• 21:52
  Speaker 6: dog walker, so I feel like my life works well
• 21:56
  Speaker 6: with him, Like I am able to like take him
• 21:58
  Speaker 6: out every day, and I am going back to school,
• 22:01
  Speaker 6: but like I'll still have the time for him, and
• 22:03
  Speaker 6: I always have prioritized him.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: Would you feel like you need somebody to support you
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: right now? You feel like you're feeling stressed overwhelmed?
• 22:10
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean I feel like I always have needed
• 22:13
  Speaker 6: a dog, just because like I've never lived with a dog.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, Okay, do you feel a strain on your
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: friendship right now because of this issue with your dog?
• 22:21
  Speaker 6: I think we're doing a good job about like communicating
• 22:24
  Speaker 6: about it and trying to like figure out what works best,
• 22:27
  Speaker 6: but like, it definitely is hard to make that decision.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: And when you found out initially that she was moving,
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: were your thoughts immediately like, oh, I'll be keeping the
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: dog because you are the one who signed the papers.
• 22:39
  Speaker 6: I mean, like, I think because it's been both of
• 22:42
  Speaker 6: our responsibility and because we've both taken care of him,
• 22:45
  Speaker 6: I don't really think it's fair to say that I
• 22:47
  Speaker 6: get him because of the papers. But yeah, it's definitely
• 22:50
  Speaker 6: hard to come to decision.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: But you sign the papers, right, Yes, I did. And
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: you said it's not fair now to say because you
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: signed the papers that you don't get.
• 22:59
  Speaker 6: Him because we didn't really talk about it, like we
• 23:01
  Speaker 6: never really had that discussion.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: But didn't you use the papers as a way to
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: say that's why you should keep the dog?
• 23:07
  Speaker 6: I mean yeah, but I also like feel bad because
• 23:10
  Speaker 6: we are friends and like I don't have any hard
• 23:12
  Speaker 6: feelings towards her, but it is But.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: You said it. Yeah, you said I got the papers
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: and it's mine.
• 23:17
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: Was making you want a backtrack right now. It's because
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: you know that that statement might have hurt your friend
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: and could have damaged your friendship.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Hizai, we were just getting some backstory from Makada.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: We were getting some backstory about the dog and Karama
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: is a.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: Question for you, So Zoe, when she said to you,
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: I signed the papers, that's the bottom line. How did
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: that make you feel?
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: Not great?
• 23:39
  Speaker 9: It was just kind of taken aback. That seemed too
• 23:41
  Speaker 9: serious for our friendship. We've been friends for like ten
• 23:45
  Speaker 9: years now, so that was kind of crazy. I thought
• 23:47
  Speaker 9: we could kind of maybe discuss it or fine, maybe
• 23:49
  Speaker 9: I could keep Billy till she's done school and then
• 23:52
  Speaker 9: maybe reassess after a year. Just there was some I
• 23:54
  Speaker 9: feel like there could be more solutions there. She only
• 23:57
  Speaker 9: said at the one time. It hasn't really come.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: Out An's apologetic.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: No, I mean you want to get your friendship together.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: You guys want to maintain your friendship and figure out
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: a solution. Can I ask you, Zoe, like, if you
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: are moving to New City, what about getting another dog
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: that is yours alone?
• 24:15
  Speaker 9: I've thought about that, but it's just like I, you know,
• 24:17
  Speaker 9: I've known this dog for two years now, adopted him
• 24:20
  Speaker 9: when he was a puppy. And and McKenna, I know
• 24:22
  Speaker 9: she feels the same too though, but we both just
• 24:24
  Speaker 9: have that connection with Billy. So either one of us for.
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: Both someone's going to be sad.
• 24:29
  Speaker 9: I think for a bit, right.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: But is it a possibility for you to get another
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: dog where you're moving?
• 24:34
  Speaker 9: I think it. I guess it could be a possibility.
• 24:38
  Speaker 9: I would prefer Billy, don't want to just replace him
• 24:41
  Speaker 9: like that, but it would be a possibility, I guess.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: And what about you, McKenna, if you think about it,
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: what about you rescuing another dog and having Billy live
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: with her for a while. Would you be open to
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: that or no?
• 24:55
  Speaker 6: I mean, yeah, I think i'd be open to I
• 24:58
  Speaker 6: don't know, like same with like I just feel like
• 25:01
  Speaker 6: it's so tough because, like it is, he has been
• 25:04
  Speaker 6: in my life for the past two years, and it's
• 25:06
  Speaker 6: really hard to just like it would feel like I
• 25:08
  Speaker 6: was replacing him.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: When you two lived together, Who's room did he sleep in?
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Usually?
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: Mine? Okay?
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: Really?
• 25:14
  Speaker 9: Really he kind of switches enough sometimes.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that makes sense. I have my verdict and I'm
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: not a judge. Do we know? Do y'all know?
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: I'm just thinking about what kind of compromise can be made,
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: and it doesn't seem like this is how I feel.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: You're moving. You're the one who's uprooting, right, So it
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: is kind of not fair to assume that you get
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: to take the dog because McKenna isn't the one that's
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: leaving the situation. So I feel like it is tough
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: because you did rescue the dog together, but you are
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: the one that's changing where you live.
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: I do also want to ask, does Billy get along
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: with your parents' dogs?
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: Yes? Yeah he does.
• 25:51
  Speaker 6: Okay, he's been around them quite a bit, so yeah,
• 25:54
  Speaker 6: they get along super well.
• 25:55
  Speaker 5: I mean other than flipping a coin. What do you think, Caramo.
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: McKenna, you are the winner. Okay, you get the dog.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry. The thing is that it's all stacked in
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: your favor. I'm a dog dad, just like you're a
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: dog mom, and dogs will let you know who they
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: want to sleep with. They will follow somebody around. The
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: fact that he slept in your room was a big
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: factor for me. But also on top of that, you
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: also sign the papers. And then thirdly, like you said, Chelsea, Zoe,
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: you're unfortunately the one that's uprooting. And so at this point,
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: as much as I want to say emotionally I would
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: love for you to have that support, I think it's
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: better for you to grieve the relationship with the dog
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: so that you can strengthen the relationship with your best friend,
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: because at the point right now, you two having this
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: disagreement when you're all about to move is going to
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: cause dissension. And if y'all knowing each other since seven
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: years old, the friendship is worth it more where you
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: can see this dog in photos and then get your
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: own dog versus you all going back and forth like
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: this and you're losing something in that critical bond that
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: makes you two so happy, you know, Like I'd rather
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: you have mckennada talk to while you're moving and making
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: this new transition in your life versus not having anyone
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: closely to talk to because you feuded over a dog.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: And I also just think this is a really good opportunity, Zoe,
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: for you to get your own dog. Like I mean,
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: I know Billy was your dog, I get it, but
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: you're moving and like you're moving into a new city.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: It's a perfect thing. It's a perfect occupier of your
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: time to rescue another dog. You don't have to get
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: a puppy and put in all that work. You can
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: go to a rescue and pick out a new dog,
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: because that's going to help you be more social. It's
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: going to help you to meet people, and it's going
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: to help you to feel safer in your house. And
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: it's a great project, especially when you're new to a
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: town and you don't know that many people. It's a
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: great avenue. And I'm sure Billy is a comfort. But
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: you've had all of this experience in the last two
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: years of having a new dog, which is gearing you
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: up to be ready for another new dog.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Zolle, We're sorry. I wish we could side, we
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: could tell you, but I know we love you.
• 27:50
  Speaker 8: We love you, Zoe.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: I was just gonna say, you know, this will likely
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: be forever, but not necessarily. You know, mckennay. You might
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: move into an apartment a year or two from now
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: where you're like, you know, I really want to live here,
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: but they don't take dogs, you know, Zoe, is it
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: it would be okay for you to take him, so
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: you know, there could be something else down the line.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: But I agree with Chelsea.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: This is an opportunity for you to expand the amount
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: of dogs that you're saving and dogs you have to
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: give love to.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: So I may think about how many dogs out there
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: need homes, you know.
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 28:19
  Speaker 6: I mean, we also do work at a shelter together,
• 28:22
  Speaker 6: So I.
• 28:23
  Speaker 9: Think I want to take with you to go Maybe
• 28:25
  Speaker 9: we could go together.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, go together that I canna. I love that idea.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: Go together and find her her new dog, and then
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: you can sign the paperwork on that dog too, McKenna,
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: so that anytime you want the dog back and just
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: take it.
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: Zoe, I'm gonna tell you learn from your friend McKenna
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: signed the paperwork. Okay, it's about the paperwork.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: Get those receipts, all right, girls, Thank you so much
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: for calling in, and send us pics of your new
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: dog when you get one.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: Bye bye bye. First of all, good problem solving, Caroma,
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Like you've really handled that, because I wasn't going to
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: go that far, but we really actually made a decision
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: for them and now they have to stick to it.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: It's like they went to the people's court.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: Well no, I mean Also, I'm pretty good at body
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: language and I read it. It's something that I studied,
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: and I could tell that McKenna's more anxious and has
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: more of an anxious personality than Zoe does. And people
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: with more anxious personalities normally do need compassion or and
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: the companionship of a dog. So that's why I asked
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: her where her emotional state was, because I can tell
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: when Zoe came on she was smiling. Happy.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Now that's a good point.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, really good point.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: So this next email comes from Victoria.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: She's going to join us as well.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea, my life isn't a complete shit show, but
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: like most people in the world, I do have a conundrum.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: I have two beautiful kids, a fiance, house, a job,
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: a podcast, and a very active social life. No, I
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: don't sleep. The only problem is I don't want to
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: get married and I'd love to explore the bisexual side
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: of myself. Sorry, not love to need to. I always
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: knew I was bisexual, but I never explored it because
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: I was never attracted to anyone in real.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: Life until well after college.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: I've hooked up with girlfriends here and there, but have
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: never officially dated a woman first and foremost. I always
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: knew I wanted to have kids, so now that I
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: have them, I feel like I'm ready to fully explore
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: that other side of me. Of course, the biggest hang
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: up is my fiance. When I was in my twenties,
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: I never had any issue breaking up with a significant other.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: As soon as I found something wrong, I'd cheat on
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: them and start dating the person I cheated on them with.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: It honestly was probably one of my biggest downfalls, but
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: my dad taught me to never settle, and I took
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: those words to heart. When I told my fiance that
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: I'm bisexual, he said he didn't mind if he was involved, shock,
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: and we hopped on the dating apps. A month later,
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: I was pregnant with our second child, so that ended
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: abruptly and we haven't revisited it since. After I had
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: the baby, we went to a friend's party a few
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: months later, and I ended up cheating on him with
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: a girl there while he was in the next room.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: I love my baby daddy a lot and care so
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: much for his well being, but we started as platonic friends,
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: and deep down, I feel like that's what he'll always be.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: We've discussed calling off the engagement many times, but men
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: are so afraid of being alone. I feel like he's
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: guilted me into staying. Oh, I know you've never had
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: this exact situation, but you're a witty, smarty pant, so
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: I'd love to hear if you have any advice. Obviously,
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: I need to move on and explore this other side
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: of me, but navigating that road with all of the
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: baggage is hard.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: Victoria, Hi Victoria, Hi Victoria. Hey, this is our special guest.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: Caramo Victoria. We just heard your story and there was
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: a lot that you're in tourmoil over right now?
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, yes, for sure.
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: So I want to your father told you that you
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: should never settle. Yeah, and what does that mean to you?
• 31:47
  Speaker 4: I don't know. I mean, obviously, I feel like most
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: dads probably think that no one is ever going to
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: be good enough for their daughter. But I don't know.
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: He said it to me pretty young, and I just
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: took it to heart.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: And you know, do you think anybody's ever going to
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: be good for you?
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: I guess in what way?
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: Okay, no, you laughed, Toby. What I need to know?
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: I mean, obviously good enough to have kids with, which
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: is a big freaking deal. All right, yeah, yeah, But
• 32:15
  Speaker 4: as far as like marriage and like a legal financial
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: commitment to someone, like, to me, that's scarier than having
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: kids with someone.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: I hear you.
• 32:25
  Speaker 5: I hear you on that front, and I respect that.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: I think that is I think that is also just
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: a more contemporary way of looking at things.
• 32:33
  Speaker 5: Also thinking about not settling.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: That is a good thing, and it can be a
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: stupid thing, but I think overall it's a good thing
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: to think that you have high value and that you're
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: worth a lot. I mean, we should all be feeling
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: that way about ourselves. It's pretty obvious that you want
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: to explore women and you're attracted to women, and that
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: the guy that you're having your children with isn't somebody
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: that you're going to feel attracted to for a very
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: long time. So getting into a marriage under those pretenses
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: doesn't sound like an honest thing to do, So why
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: would you, you know, and putting off breaking up an engagement,
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: like freeing yourself from a situation, is also freeing the
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: other person from the situation. Just because it's hurtful to
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: them in the beginning doesn't mean you're not doing them
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: a favor by living under this like false hope, you know,
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: And so I would say to just be honest about
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: where you are and that you're going to explore this
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: side of you. He can figure out how he wants
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: to handle that, but he deserves the truth so that
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: he can make an educated decision, Like if you guys
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: want to co parent, which you're going to have to
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: do for the rest of your lives anyway, Right, you
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: want to have respect for each other and you want
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: to be honest with each other, and this is one
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: of those major first steps. And being honest and respectful
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: towards the other person is by sharing your truth and
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: your desires, and they don't include marrying him. It doesn't
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: sound like.
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it's just so tough. I don't know how
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: to break it off because we have kids and house together.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: But you don't necessarily have to break it off, like
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: you can say, hey, here's how I'm feeling. This is
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: the situation. Think about how this makes you feel and
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: if you would be able to be in a relationship
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: with me while I was exploring this side of me,
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: And when you're not involved, it's not necessarily going to
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: be a threesome. Every time I'm interested in women. You know,
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: maybe there's a guarantee of saying like I'm not going
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: to be with men. You know, I'll tell you if
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: that happens, it'll just be women. And that's what I'm
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: looking to explore. I understand if you're not down with that,
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: but I have to be honest out of respect for
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: our relationship, and I think you'll probably get a bit
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: of a different result than you're expecting.
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: I don't know he I mean, he definitely. I don't
• 34:43
  Speaker 4: know if he'd want to stay with me and let
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: me go off and explore, because I've already tried to
• 34:49
  Speaker 4: do that and it didn't work out really well. So
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: I know for him it'll be better for him in
• 34:55
  Speaker 4: the long run just to cut it off kind of
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: as soon as possible, because there are other reasons why
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: I feel like it's not going to work out, but
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: this is one where he can't change. There's nothing he
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: can do in this situation. It's kind of like something
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: I have to do for myself. It's not like he
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: did something stupid. I forgive him and we move past it.
• 35:15
  Speaker 4: So I know in the long run it'll be better
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: for him and he can go find someone he'll be
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: happy with But it's just so hard because we have
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: been best friends for such a long time.
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: I think for you, because I agree with Chelsea. I
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: agree everything she just said about the communication in this relationship,
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: and I also believe that marriage shouldn't be for everyone.
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: Like I used to be so gung ho on marriage
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: and now I'm like, girl, you don't need that, Like
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: that is so foolish. But what I'm most concerned with
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: when it comes to you is that I think you're
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: going to repeat this pattern whether you're with him or not.
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: And the reason I'm saying that is because I'm watching
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: you how you're rubbing your head every moment, saying this
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: is hard, this is hard. That being hard is about
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: something that's going on inside of you, and it started
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: when your father's told you not to settle. And there's
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: something that is lingering within you. Why you're not making
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: choices or communicating about what you truly need and want.
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: And now you're getting stuck into these relationships where you
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: know you're not happy, and then you feel like it's
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: hard to break it off for them, But really what's hard,
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: it's that you're not willing to face what's really going on.
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: In your heart sound a little right, Yeah, for sure.
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: Definitely in this situation. When I was in my twenties
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: and I found something wrong with a guy at break
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: up with them, no problem, but with kids involved, and
• 36:21
  Speaker 4: since I have you know, I've been best friends with
• 36:23
  Speaker 4: him forever. Like I feel like a lot of people
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: are like, oh, you know, you should be best friends
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: with someone for ten years and then date them, like
• 36:30
  Speaker 4: your relationship will last so much longer. But for me,
• 36:33
  Speaker 4: I feel like it's so much harder for me to
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: break it off because we are such great friends and
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: we've had years and memories.
• 36:40
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but that's why he deserves your honesty.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm saying? This isn't about being
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: hard or difficult. This is life. You're an adult, you
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: have children, You're gonna have a lot of decisions that
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: are hard or difficult, and the way to actually act
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: with integrity is to face those difficult situations with as
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: much honesty and grace as you can. And by avoiding it,
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: you're putting your own happiness on the side, and you're
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: actually doing the same to your partner because you're not
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: being truthful to him and you're not as happy as
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: you would be if you were free to roam around
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: and pursue what you're more interested in pursuing, and there's
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that. So you have a family, So
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: there are many ways that this can resolve, Like he
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: can agree to say okay, I will let you go
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: and explore, or you can say no, this is like
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to be comfortable with that, and you're like, Okay,
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: we've been friends for this many years. We're going to
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: make sure we're going to be friends for the rest
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: of our lives because we have children and we're going
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: to co parent. And what's Gwyneth Paltrow's favorite couple consciously unscious,
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: consciously a couple. But don't be a pussy about it,
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: because then you're just you're creating problems for everybody, including
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: your children, because what they're going to see modeled for
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: them is going to be you less than happy, or
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: you holding secrets and him less than happy. And you
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: don't want to expose your children to that. Anyway, you
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: guys could have a great friendship for the rest of
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: your life, and that would be more healthy for your
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: children to see than a marriage that isn't truthful.
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but there's something you need to face about yourself.
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna keep telling you, and you're gonna get off
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: this call because Chelsea is telling you how to handle
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: the present situation perfectly. But what you're missing is you
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: need to handle something within you. And I'm seeing it
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: even as I ask you these things about you. You
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: keep going back to kids, you keep going back to him,
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: you keep going back to best friends, and you're not
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: focused on you. There's something going on in you while
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: you're repeating this pattern and while you're making this choice
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: and why this is hard, there's something. Because it's really
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: not that hard for you to communicate everything Chelsea's telling
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: you do. You've already told him, you already tol him,
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: I want to do this. He called you in the
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: bedroom with somebody else, So you really have no issue
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: with all that stuff. And there goes a smile, so
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: you know that's true. You have no issue in communicating
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: what you want. But there's some fear that's inside of
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: you that you're not tackling. And I'm telling you, if
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: we dissect what you said your father told you young,
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: that you were still repeating to yourself whatever narrative he
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: told you, you've turned into something way different, that it's
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: causing fear, anxiousness, anxiety in you, that it is causing
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: you not to be who you need to be for yourself,
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: and it's now lingering into all these other relationships. If
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: I had about another thirty minutes with you, we can
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: figure that thing out.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: But we can't listen all right, Montel Williams, listen to him,
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: he's like fucking lefts.
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: Go okay, listen, do that soul searching.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: I think you gotta, yeah, you got, and you got
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: to like face up to these difficult situations. I know
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: it's hard, but you want to get some pussy, and
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with that, you know what I mean, Like,
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: what are you gonna do? Put your needs on hold?
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: You're putting someone's needs on hold at every point, you
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. And that's okay in certain circumstances,
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: but not for life decisions like this. And also you're
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: not married, so that's a huge advantage too. You don't
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: have to get divorced.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: Right, Still complicated, but it's less complicated. And you know,
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: I kind of keep coming back to what Chelsea is saying,
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: like you're wasting his time. But you're also wasting your time?
• 39:54
  Speaker 4: She is, Yeah, for sure. I feel like I just
• 39:57
  Speaker 4: need to put the hammer down and have like a
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: more serious conversation with him because I have said, like,
• 40:02
  Speaker 4: I want to break up with you for X Y
• 40:04
  Speaker 4: reason like and he's just like no, no, like let's
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: work it out, like he's pushing really hard to stay together,
• 40:10
  Speaker 4: and I feel like I just need to be like no.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: Or Also, it's not that you have to break up
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: in this moment, but you have to say I want
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: to go pursue women, not with you. I'm interested in
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: experimenting and seeing what's at there and I need the
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: time to do that. If you're okay with doing that, great,
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: If you're not, we need to talk about breaking up.
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: Are you afraid of being alone?
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: No, I'm not being alone. I just I don't know.
• 40:38
  Speaker 4: I know you're gonna yell at me for bringing up
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: my kids again. No, I just picture like the kids
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: if we move, if we move out, like I move
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: out or he moves out, whatever, our four year old
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: is definitely gonna be like, where's daddy, where's mommy? When
• 40:51
  Speaker 4: are they coming back?
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: So you're afraid of disappointing your family?
• 40:55
  Speaker 4: No?
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: See, I gotta figure it. There's some fear there, I'm
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: telling you, even when she just said again, I'm gonna
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: put that's.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: It's natural to want to not disappoint your four year old,
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: But that's not a good reason either, Like aour year
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: olds are resilient. Well, right, I hear what you're saying.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: But four year olds are resilient. People get divorced, They
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: split up all the fucking time. Yes, there is a
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: deeper issue within you that you're not able to face
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: your problems in a way that is solution oriented. You know,
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: there are a million solutions here, and you're just kind
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: of leaning into just letting the status quo be the
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: status quo and not making any move. You have to
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: make a move, yeah, for sure, And especially with the
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: warning like this, especially with saying, hey, I'm going to
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: experiment with women. I'm curious about women. If you can't
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: handle that, then we need to talk about splitting up.
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: If he says he can handle that, then that gets
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: you six months okay, And in six months time you're
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: going to really know if that's who you want to
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: be with, if you want to be with a woman.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: And then he's already had his serious talk and conversation,
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: and then it's not coming out of the blue, like
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: he can choose to stick around while you're experimenting with
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: women that might make you even more turned on to him.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know what's going to happen with all of this.
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: You don't know if you really want to be with women,
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: if you're just bisexual or whatever. So you know you
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: should give it like six months and just say, hey,
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: I want to be as open and honest with you
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: as possible about what I'm feeling and thinking about. And
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: there's no argument with that. There's nothing he can say.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: You can't start. I don't want you thinking about women, Like,
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: come on, you know there's nothing he can say about
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: that other than I will tolerate this or I won't.
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: And if he ends up moving out and your four
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: year old ends up having to go between homes, your
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: four year old will forget that you guys were together
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: within six months. How that's how resilient children are at
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: They won't even remember.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, two happy homes is way better than one unhappy
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: home where mom and dad are not really living their truth.
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah for sure.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: Okay, and then you know, you get to split custody
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: and you have time to go date.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: By the way, no one advertises that enough. When you
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: split up with someone, the free time you get away
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: from your kids should be like a banner for divorce,
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: like you get a life again, you know, and then
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: you can get all the pussy you want.
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: Oh my god. Alrighty okay, Victoria, all.
• 43:11
  Speaker 5: Right, Victoria. I hope you liked getting yelled at today.
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: I appreciate it. I need it. I need it.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, good, good, Okay, keep us posted. Thanks, thank you.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: He's trying to get to the bottom of the he's
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: like trying to get a deeper issue. That's the longer.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: That's like a fucking.
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: Four hour it is for me. It's just that when
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: anytime I hear somebody's problems, this is for any problem.
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: There's always something more. If any problem starts with I,
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: it's I, I I. And so she can say about
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: kids and all that. I'm a parent, I know all this.
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: It's about you. And the thing that the reason I
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: want people to understand, and this is for anybody listening.
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: We say things to ourselves that we get our childhood,
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: and we repeat them and they become bigger mountains in
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: our heads. And that one about what her father said.
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: She didn't need to write that in that's something that
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: Scott said to you. And now it's plaguing you, and
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: it's playing with your mind, and it's playing with how
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: you see your world, how you see yourself, value, how
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: you see And she's not focusing on that. She's like, oh,
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: some mine want pleasing. It's not about that, you want
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: to pu you already your man already cast you in
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: the next bed with somebody else.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: I just wish everybody would fucking get some balls and
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: leave a situation when they are not happy in the situation.
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. There's something, there's a fear she.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: Has, Yeah, but everybody has fears, everybody has everything. So like, yes,
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: if you're a therapist, you have to get down to that,
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: you know, the granular level and find out what the
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: deal is. But if it's a problem that she's dealing with,
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: well it's a result of that. But it's also like, okay,
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: let's figure out this situation. Yeah, because even when you
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: give her the advice, the answer she wants, she's still
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah.
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: Because she's not there. She's not ready to face it. Yeah,
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: she's not ready to face it, and that's all. I
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: was like, we could tell you all goddamn dataly this
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: guy and be honest with them, and you know whatever.
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: But she's she's going to repeat this pattern right after this.
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: Even if she gets out of this, it's gonna happen again.
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: She said she's been doing it at different degrees since college.
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: I also wish people would just fucking make moves. Make
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: moves like you have no idea how big and broad
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: your life can be when you have the courage to
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: say this isn't working for me, you know. And I
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: know that's easy for me to say because I don't
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: have children and I'm not married. But there are reasons
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: I don't have children and I'm not married so that
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: I make fucking make moves. Okay, I'm not. We're going
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: to take a break and we'll be right back and
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: we're back.
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: Well, our next caller is John is twenty three and promo,
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: you're sober right me?
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: Yes, Fish sounds like it sounds ish ish, sounds like.
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: I just don't like hard liquors. I don't don't. I'll
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: drink it like a beer.
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: Okay, all right, Well, John says, dear Chelsea, I'm a
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: twenty three year old accountant who's been looking for inspiration
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: in my sometimes boring life. I turned to ayahuasca and
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: psychedelics for some more insight and life guidance. And while
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: the first many times were great, I had my first
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: horrible trip.
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: For six hours straight.
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: I felt like I was in hell, strapped to a rocket,
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: being blasted by colorful geometry and scary entities that laughed
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: at how scared I was. Needless to say, I will
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: never be doing them again, and I'm committed to sobriety.
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: I'm focusing on gratitude that I'm what.
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: Drug was this? Iowa?
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: Oh?
• 46:16
  Speaker 8: Hello?
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: But he says he's done five DM eot yeah and
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: all that stuff. Okay, I'm focusing on gratitude and then
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: I'm back and safe. And I didn't think I was
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: going to come back from that house. But I'm lost
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: as to how to move on from this. How do
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: I interpret such an awful time? How should I go
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: about leaving this behind me? I'm curious to hear your thoughts.
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: John, Hi, John, this is Karma. We have a special
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: guest today. Hello Karama.
• 46:39
  Speaker 8: I've seen your show soank you appreciate it, love it
• 46:42
  Speaker 8: a lot thank you.
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, So you had a terrible ayahuasca experience.
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: Yes, it was not.
• 46:48
  Speaker 8: I'd like gotten some stuff from some friends and yeah,
• 46:51
  Speaker 8: it just wasn't like it was tough. But I feel
• 46:54
  Speaker 8: like it's like helped me become like a lot more
• 46:56
  Speaker 8: grateful for a lot of different things.
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: Well, that's not nothing.
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: Have you ever done ayahuasca?
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I did a special on it on Netflix where
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: you can see me do ayahuasca. But first of all,
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: that's a great gift that you got from it. Being
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: more grateful and having more gratitude is already like a
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: net plus. So you're acting like it was a terrible
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: experience across the board, but you got something good out
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: of it. So I think you should have gratitude for
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: the gratitude. Yeah, and I definitely do.
• 47:23
  Speaker 8: I think like for me, it just kind of has
• 47:24
  Speaker 8: helped me realize I do kind of want to venture
• 47:26
  Speaker 8: more into sobriety and just being more in tune with that.
• 47:31
  Speaker 8: Might've had a lot of problems with like alcohol and
• 47:33
  Speaker 8: just things like that throughout my life and then that
• 47:35
  Speaker 8: kind of like just scared me away from everything in
• 47:37
  Speaker 8: a lot of ways.
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: That's good, but these are all good things. You're looking
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: at this as a negative and how to move past it.
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: These are good things. You're becoming more sober and you're
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: saying drugs and alcohol are a problem in your life. Great,
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: you are more grateful, Great, Like, these are good things
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: that came out of ayahuasca.
• 47:54
  Speaker 5: You're not looking at it from the right lens. I
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: don't think.
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: Are you afraid you're gonna lose friends? What's the hesitation? Then?
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: Now? Oh?
• 48:00
  Speaker 8: I think it was just it was genuinely like a
• 48:01
  Speaker 8: horrible experience. I keep like going back to it thinking,
• 48:05
  Speaker 8: I don't know, like I have kind of a lot
• 48:06
  Speaker 8: of guilt about it, just because I'd done other things
• 48:09
  Speaker 8: and I like.
• 48:10
  Speaker 5: Thought it was what was horrible the visuals?
• 48:12
  Speaker 8: Well, I remember how you Chelsea had said like you
• 48:15
  Speaker 8: had done five meo and you just felt like it
• 48:17
  Speaker 8: was like really like a tough visual experience, And that
• 48:21
  Speaker 8: was definitely how I was feeling too. But it was
• 48:24
  Speaker 8: also like the aspect of it just felt like very sinister,
• 48:27
  Speaker 8: and I was not used to that either, Like at
• 48:30
  Speaker 8: one point i'd like become like a cancer patient in
• 48:33
  Speaker 8: a hospital. I just had this horrible feeling and all
• 48:36
  Speaker 8: I could think of was it was like this voice
• 48:38
  Speaker 8: telling me, like, there are so many other people out
• 48:39
  Speaker 8: there that feel like this way all the time, and
• 48:43
  Speaker 8: you need to be more grateful for what you're going
• 48:45
  Speaker 8: through and things might be kind of boring or like
• 48:48
  Speaker 8: tough in your life, but it was still just that
• 48:50
  Speaker 8: like horrible, you know, feeling that like I'll never really
• 48:53
  Speaker 8: be able to shake kind of it's just kind of
• 48:56
  Speaker 8: I guess, really just being more grateful about my life
• 48:59
  Speaker 8: in generals kind of what I got out of it,
• 49:01
  Speaker 8: I guess.
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: But have you ever done AMDR therapy?
• 49:04
  Speaker 8: I have never done that.
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: Now, Okay, well that's a really good thing because that
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: really focuses on a traumatic event that is bothering you,
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: and then you live through that event again without having
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: the same feelings that you had the first time. It's
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: like electro I forget what it stands for, electromagnetic whatever, AMDT,
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: AMDR AMDR movement desensitization and repass. Good, there we go,
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: And Okay, so you could go to a therapist and
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: do that and work specifically on that. And the other
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: thing I would say is that sinister vibe and all
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: of those things you're feeling you can look at as
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: a representation of what your life would have become had
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: you continued using drugs and alcohol.
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: H Okay, that's fair.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: That is a good wake up call, and you should
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: look at it and frame it in your mind like, oh,
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: that was what I would have become if I hadn't
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: woken up.
• 49:51
  Speaker 3: Agreed.
• 49:52
  Speaker 4: Okay, Yeah, that's a good way to look at.
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: It, because you're moving forward in a new way.
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: That's the past. It happened, it woke you up, and
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: you're moving forward. There's no reason to let that experience
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: haunt you. If anything, it turns the corner for you
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: in a very positive way. Yeah, for sure, I see
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: that too.
• 50:10
  Speaker 8: I think it's just like still kind of the struggle
• 50:12
  Speaker 8: of regular living, and you know, I still kind of
• 50:14
  Speaker 8: want to go back to it a little bit, But
• 50:16
  Speaker 8: then I do like it is kind of a nice toolbox.
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: So you don't trust yourself that you will make this
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: decision and stay on this.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: Path, I think I will, think.
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: But you're struggling. There's a bit of you that doesn't
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: trust yourself. I could see it in the hesitation and
• 50:30
  Speaker 3: how you just put your head up.
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: I know, but I trust you. I trust you too,
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: and I think that that situation is your reminder to
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: trust yourself to stay on the right path. It is
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: that situation is going to be useful tool for you
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: moving forward in life. When you are tempted to get
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: back into drugs and alcohol, you need to look at
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: that and be like, I don't ever want to feel
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: that way again. And that was your wake up call,
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: and that was your warning call, and I trust that
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: you will move forward in the right way.
• 50:54
  Speaker 8: Okay, I know I will for sure. Thank you for
• 50:56
  Speaker 8: saying that. That's kind of sense as the deal.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: So okay, great, then let's end this conversation here.
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: You got it right, you got this, Thanks John.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, bye John, Bye, guys. Well this was beautiful. You
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: were great. I mean you are. You're Montel Williams for sure.
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: We're across between doctor Phil Montell and who's the other guy,
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: Jerry Springer. No Springer, that's too trashy. I like how
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: you get to the heat of the d You're like,
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: what is really going on? I'm like, we don't have
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: time for that. We don't fucking have time for what's
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: really going on. We have to take another caller. No,
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: you're a delight. Thank you so much for being here.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you've been in both of my LA homes.
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: I know, excited.
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: We'll have to get you to more.
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: I would love to love that.
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: Thanks Carramo. You can watch him on his show, which
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: is a national syndicated talk show on during the day
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: different times, but it's called Carramo and also on Queer Eye.
• 51:50
  Speaker 5: Thank you for being here.
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: I was just kissing into the microphone. Goodbye everybody. Okay,
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: So upcoming shows that I have you, guys, I'm coming
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas City,
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: and then I will be in Las Vegas performing at
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: dates in Vegas are September first, Labor Day weekend, and
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: then November two and November thirtieth. I'm coming to Brooklyn,
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth, and
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: year in December, so if you're in a city like
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans.
• 52:32
  Speaker 5: Or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea shoot us an
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: be sure to include your phone number.
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea is edited
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: And engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: com