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Life Lessons : What the Current Kelly Hatfield Would Say to the 20 Year Old Version of Herself Regarding Creating Success (Encore) · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:00
  Kelly Hatfield: Welcome to the missing secret Podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield,
• 0:04
  John Mitchell: hey, and I'm John Mitchell. So here's the topic today. I know everybody is looking forward to this one. What would the current Kelly Hatfield tell the 20 year old version of Kelly Hatfield that would enhance her ability to create success. You like this topic
• 0:26
  Kelly Hatfield: I do, and you know, I knew that we were going to, you know, I knew that this week I would be, it would be my turn. You did that in our last episode, and that it would be my turn. And so it really got my subconscious, you know, working on thinking really thinking deeply about it, because it isn't something that I've thought very deeply about. And so it's been a really great exercise for me to, yeah, just think more deeply about that, and think about what if some of the secrets been, you know, to my success. And so if I'm talking to, you know a 20 year old Kelly, who you know at that time. You know, obviously, for most 20 year olds, there's likely a lot of uncertainty, you know, and and I was going to school, but I really didn't have a clear path forward at that point, other than I knew I wanted to be a business owner. I'd fallen in love with the idea of being an entrepreneur through in high school, through a program called deca, and so I knew that that was my path forward. I just wasn't quite sure how I was going to get there. I was going to community college, you know, paying for that by myself, living on my own at 18, and I'm just trying to find my way in the world. And I I came to from a family that hadn't gone to college. You know who my dad was in the trades, and my mom was a stay at home mom for many, many years. And so I really didn't know how to dream big and how to think bigger for myself. I just knew that I wasn't going to be satisfied in the type of life that my and this is no, you know, nothing negative as far as my parents are concerned, but I just knew that I was never going to be satisfied with that life that they had. And so, you know, with that in mind, just forging my path forward. And so that's kind of the lens that I was looking through and where I was at when I was 20 years old. Was trying to figure this out. I was working at a floral shop, you know, I think at that time. So we're talking a long time ago, you
• 2:30
  know, we're talking 30 plus years ago. I don't know what minimum wage at that point was, but I was probably making five bucks an hour, six bucks an hour, or something along those lines, trying to eke out every little penny that I could to live on my own because I was renting my own little apartment from up above where I worked and going to school.
• 2:48
  Unknown: Now, I assume you're probably boy privacy too.
• 2:51
  Kelly Hatfield: I actually lived with my high school boyfriend at the time, and so also too. When I was about 2021, I was going through a terrible breakup because I thought that this person was the person, and was so broken hearted. And, you know, it's so funny. You know, again, just looking back at that now, and being where I am now and in the relationship that I've had for 30 years now, is just funny. But so anyway, as I was going through this exercise and thinking about all right, what would I have? What have been, kind of the foundations, I think, of what's made me successful. And I think the first thing that comes to mind goes along this idea of having a growth mindset that we've talked about as part of the the, you know, the kind of the thing to be at pillars. And this is tied to that, and being that the quality of your questions is going to determine the quality of your life. So be curious, you know, ask questions. Ask how, what, why, you know, and be open to learning. Be more interested than interesting, meaning you are listening more than you are talking. And I think that you know, and that being again, with having that growth mindset, with being open to receiving and letting the people who've gone before you, you know, and who've opened some of those doors be smart enough to walk through them because of the you know, types of questions you're asking. And you know that would be the first one for me, is relating the growth mindset to the quality of questions that you ask is going to determine the quality of your life. And tied to that, then is that seeking first to understand, again, ties directly back to questions, asking questions, getting curious about why, maybe somebody's perspective is what it is, you know, and I feel like part of the success that I've had is that I don't know where some of these skills came from, but they were pretty intuitive. And then through some of the gross personal development that I did, I've, you know. Was turned on to
• 5:00
  some of these concepts and ideas, and they've served me well, and so 20 year old Kelly, they will serve you well, you know, throughout your life, and helping you build relationships and build businesses as a result of those relationships that you've built. Right?
• 5:15
  Unknown: You know why I tell you something that catches my attention with that, yes, I saw it. Mean, that's so who you are. I mean, for the moment I met you, that's who you were. Is is growing at what age did that really start happening in your life? Yeah,
• 5:33
  Kelly Hatfield: yeah, I've always been like I was so lucky that I had a dad who turned me on to reading really early in life, and reading became a escape for me. So I was so lucky that, and not fiction, I mean, like Richest Man in Babylon, you know, it's Think and Grow Rich was one of the first, you know, books that was in the fight that I thought was in the financial space that he had introduced to me. And how old were you when I was early teens? Wow,
• 6:04
  Unknown: wow. Well, right there. That's why that, yeah, you
• 6:07
  Kelly Hatfield: know. And I watched my dad, you know, although he was in the trades, he wasn't necessarily a, you know, what you would envision. He meditated, he did yoga, he you know what I mean. And so I saw some of those principles, and had an example, you know, with with him, and I think that that ingrained in me pretty early. And yeah, so I think I just always had a knew that if I can't figure something out then, and this, again, is back in the day before the internet, how wonderful technology is today, but if I didn't know how to do something, I just go the library,
• 6:42
  Unknown: right? They had electricity.
• 6:46
  Kelly Hatfield: I knew the Dewey Decimal System, and I'd marked myself down to the library and figure it out.
• 6:52
  Unknown: That's the attitude. It's fascinating, because I see that that your dad, it's still still that in your in your early teenage years, and, you know, I looked at my life and had all totally unenlightened I was until I got to be 50, and, you know, sort of this attitude of, I didn't have time for personal growth, which, by the way, is how 98% of the population, it's Yeah, and not that that's any excuse at all. But, you know, I see, I mean, I could look at your life and I see how you because you were oriented that way, it had a big impact on on your life and and I'd see a little more of the contrast. Because, you know, once I got it at 50 and created a system and also put it in my live TPS template, you know, I was growing exponentially. And, you know, then such a great lesson for people is to make personal growth more than an attention, because the vast majority of people it's an intention, and it states an intention, unless they influence the subconscious mind to make it the reality.
• 8:11
  Kelly Hatfield: You know, what's been fascinating, and I'm very lucky that I developed that habit early, but to the point that you just made, it wasn't focused, you know, it was. I was just hungry, you know, for information and for learning and but now, you know, I'm probably these last 10 years, and definitely the last seven that the two of us have known each other, my approach to growth is much more targeted, where I will, like, get immersed in a particular topic that I want, instead of dabbling, you know, and just taking, you know, picking up a piece of it here and there. So if I want to really focus on, you know, what's happening now with marketing, or how can I grow my business with AI? Because that's huge right now, I'm immersing myself and as learning as much as I can about how to use that tool for our business. And so I'm taking in as much as I can in that space. So it's much more focused, you know, if that makes sense, and I learned that from you, you know, and through this methodology. And so I pick, you know, a topic, and maybe it's each month, or maybe it's a quarter, depending on how big the topic is, where I really filter in the stuff that's coming into my awareness that I'm learning so that I can stay focused on really kind of getting the information and beginning to put my reps in and get action, get action oriented in that particular space with the things that I'm learning, because it's too easy to get distracted otherwise, with all of the other things that I could learn, that I love to learn, I get distracted by those. And I think so many entrepreneurs can relate, and probably so many people can relate, because we like novelty, and so when a new idea comes in, it takes us off course and goes this way. And that's one of the challenges. And why I had trouble being consistent was because my brain does. It's like, Oh, here's another new thing to learn. And you know, that keeps you from being consistent, so being able to build. Then,
• 10:00
  with this methodology, the focus of what it is that I'm learning, what what are my goals, and relative to those goals, what skills or relationships am I going to need to develop to make that become a reality? And then I'm organizing things. So I'm going too much into the weeds right now. I'll go back to what I was the what the 20 year old, the other thing that I would tell her, there's two more things that I think have been really foundational for my success, and the first one, or the there's three. The first one I just mentioned to you, which is the quality of your questions, is going to determine the quality of your life, having that gross growth mindset, seeking first to understand. The next one is that the lens that you look through matters, so the meaning you give something makes all of the difference. So I couldn't look at like so for example, unfortunately, at the time of this recording, I just lost my father in law last week, and this man has been because I've known my husband for 50 years, because I was childhood friends with his sister. This man was in my life, and a surrogate dad for me for 50 is probably the person who's known me the longest, other than who birthed me. And so it's a devastating loss, you know, and I can choose to look at it that way, and it is that's true, but what also is true is what an amazing man he was, and the joy that he brought to the family and the laughter and the things that I learned from him, and how lucky we were to have him for 80 years. And then, what is this? So this goes back to the quality of your questions. What am I supposed to learn as a result of going through this with him? Because it was not a great it was, you know, brain cancer. It was a terrible scenario for the last few weeks. So what do I need to learn as a result of going through that process with him and with that process of my husband as well? Those are the things. Like, I'm looking at it through that lens, not looking through through the
• 11:55
  lens, like, oh my gosh, you know what's next? And everybody's dropping like flies around me, like there is a way so that lens that you look through also determines the quality of your life. If you are looking, and we, I've talked about this a million times, you know, I'd say just like, if you are looking whatever you're looking for, you will find so if you are looking for and picking out all the negative stuff. Guess what? You know that is your reticular activating system at work. And I know that now. And that's one of the things I would tell my 20 year old self, is understanding how the human mind works and how important that is, right? But what you look for, whatever you look for, you'll find, you know, and whatever you focus on expands, you know. So those are the that's what I would be telling my 20 year old self. I think that that served me well, that I'm able to take a situation, and that may not be the rosiest of situations, and say, What am I supposed to learn as a result of going through this? And that that's just made each, you know, progression or relationship or whatever, be that much better as a result of that. And I think that the last thing that's been instrumental, and this is one of the key places where meeting you, John, and think it, be it, methodology, has played the biggest role in my life. And there's it's played so many key roles that this has been a huge one for me in the quality of my life, which is being able to train my subconscious to get more present. Because, as you know, and I've mentioned this before on the podcast, I am a worrier, and understanding that 99% of what I worry about
• 13:35
  Unknown: interject one bank, yeah, do not accept that you're a warrior.
• 13:39
  Kelly Hatfield: I was, I was a worrier. That's, yeah, I was a worrier. And so this methodology has helped me become more present and trigger like when I start to feel that feeling, or when I start to notice that my thoughts are too far in the present and I'm worrying about something, I'm immediately able to trigger back to gratitude and get back in the moment, which has been amazing, as far like the amount of energy I used to waste worrying about something that's never going to come, 99% of the time it never comes to pass. You know. So I've wasted that. This is one of the key things I would tell my tell my 20 year old self, if I had a chance to go back, it would be 99% of what you're going to worry about will never come to pass. And if you could redirect that energy to focus on action oriented, you know, things that are going to make a positive impact in your life, you will, you know, grow by leaps and bounds as a result of doing that. And so I think that's one of the key things. And it wasn't really until, you know, we met, that I was able to break myself of that habit that I had developed. It was a key behavior developed from childhood, and those childhood wounds that we've talked about before that would put me into that worry mode. And. And and, you know, then would turn into kind of people pleasing and stuff, but being able to get more present and in the moment has made a tremendous impact on my life, and has been pivotable, Pivotal. And I think, too, that then that last piece, and this ties all of it together, which is really based in the science of it, which is Kelly, 20 year old. Kelly, you are going to learn when you are 40 years old how the human mind works, and that is going to change the trajectory of the next season and chapters of your life. And you know, I've said this a million times. You know how I wish I would have known this earlier, because it would have made a huge difference in my life. Even just the one thing that I mentioned about
• 15:44
  worrying would have made a tremendous impact, had I been able to recognize that about myself, and you know, John, too, I was thinking about this as a result of going through this exercise. I don't even really real. I don't think I realized how big of a challenge the worrying was, until I sat down with myself and started to think more deeply about my life, what I wanted, what was holding me back from, from that, what was the, you know, the linchpin, basically, to and that is, You know, I think I attribute that all to going through this process and implementing this methodology, because I don't even realize that I recognized it. Because I was just going so fast. I've been going so fast for 40 years, a million things coming at me, being in reactive kind of mode, just doing the best I can, taking action where I think, you know, and just thinking at that surface level, so, you know, I think, as I'm talking to my 20 year old self, or thinking about that 2020, year old self too, it is slow down, going back to get present and and think deeply. Start to think deeply about your life, because I feel like I missed a good 10 or 15 years running as fast as I could on that proverbial treadmill of life. And I think that had I implemented this methodology sooner, that would not have been the case.
• 17:13
  Unknown: You know, what's data is fascinating, and I that is so gratifying to hear. I think, Well, I think a couple of things, you know, of course, that that technique, like you see yourself wearing great ring to something you're grateful for. You know, that's an that's where the obvious part of the methodology that affects worrying, but the maybe the not so obvious part is when you create immense clarity and about your life, it crowds out your ability to work. It probably, you know, the mind only has a certain level of capacity, and when you create immense clarity about your life and what you want and who you want to be, it actually focuses your attention on that, as opposed to worrying about, you know, whatever you're going to worry about. You know, you may actually going to worry because you're wired to be fear based and reactive. So if you do nothing, that's that's what you're going to get. And it takes literally overriding that with this 12 minute fake technique to clogs you to be focused on what you want, as opposed to allow worry to dominate your thoughts. You buy that. I
• 18:28
  Kelly Hatfield: do, and I also think too that through some of the deeper thinking, because one of the other things, other than gratitude, that I trigger too are the accomplishments, because it's like I can figure my way out of anything. So what if that happens? If that happens, I'll figure it out, you know, because I have exhibit A, B, C, D, E, F, of other ways I have moved through something that's been a challenge, you know what I mean? And so I think confidence comes also with this, this methodology, and with some of these things I put into practice and be made habits as a result of reprogramming my subconscious, right,
• 19:08
  Unknown: right? Well, those are powerful lessons for the one of your old vests. You know, I tell you, this is interesting. Yeah, I've done this. I did this with myself in my class. Then I had Bill Cunningham, the former champs on President who I came, had come talk to my class last Thursday. And I had him do that. That had my friend Jim cabc Park, do do that. But you know, it's funny when you tell the 20 year, year old version, Do this, do that all that stays in detention with the vast majority of people, unless you understand how the human mind works and and you can convert intentions into actually had. And so if you're not, if you're not influencing that subconscious mind with those intentions that you want. Not, then they're going to just stay at tensions
• 20:03
  Kelly Hatfield: Exactly, yep, and I think that that is why, for the first 40 years of my life, you know, I had the best intentions. You know, I was doing a lot of the right things, not necessarily consistently, for sure, not consistently and and had all kinds of ideas and intentions around wanting to do other things, but just wasn't able, ever able to, you know, like we talked about, I would do it for a short window of time. You know, like many, most of us, do when you're trying to do something by sheer, you know, willpower, you revert back to that subconscious and it runs your life, that autopilot, right,
• 20:39
  Unknown: right? Yeah. You know, I'd say you'd find this funny. You know, on my live PPS template that I read every day, I want to read what I the first thing that I read every day I pass here to the standard template. I am a powerful creator. I visualize and speak my desired world into existence. I'm in an unstoppable force of electric. So this is interesting. Couple days ago, ginger, Saturday morning, decides to read by visualization, but start to finish. So she reads, And so she's getting ready to sit this morning, like she brushed her teeth, and I, I go, baby, no, I'm a powerful creative
• 21:28
  Kelly Hatfield: and do I want to hear the rest?
• 21:32
  Unknown: You know, I'll tell you, you know, I visualize and speak my desired world into existence, see, and I said, you know, like it or not, you know, I don't unstoppable force today. He broke your teeth. She says, Yeah, you're like, God, I love make that a bit of specific, yeah, you're like, the best.
• 21:58
  Kelly Hatfield: Oh, my God.
• 22:00
  John Mitchell: Oh, that just this buddy, you know, I tell you the the other thing that I've been thinking about, and I think, I think this applies to the, the advice to the 20 year old you it's I've really gotten tuned into how spiritual this practice is, and how, you know, we so so many people that come into our world and start doing this methodology. Maybe they're 50 years old, maybe they're 30 years old, maybe they're 20, maybe they're they're even 60 or 70 years old. But the thing I come to approach a is that whoever you are today has been created at hazard. There's been no real intention in in that you know good things about who you bad things after you. You were raised a certain way and and even on that racing, your parents probably didn't intentionally raise you this way or that way, they've used rage you and how you were raised was certainly not your intention. Again, your parent and parents were rather the show when Henry you were raised, but when you look at it from afar, how you were raised was not your intention. And the point I'll make it is, how cool is it to whatever age you are, instead of that, and go, Okay, enough. I'm going to create the ideal me. I'm going to go in and I'm going to create on this template, the ideal me and the five areas of my life. And I'm going to do it with pure intention and my conscious mind. And if it takes me a week for a month, doesn't matter, but I'm going to create the ideal me. And then once you create it, then you feed it to yourself every day, and that's do you become, because that influences the subconscious mind, which is controlling your daily thoughts and actions, or 95% of them, and, and after 21 days, it accepts that programming you literally become the idea of you. You know I maybe I'm thinking about my birthday, but you guys see the power of your identity and and it causes you to love yourself more and appreciate yourself more. And it's a never ending journey, because I see with myself, there's
• 24:26
  always things that I'd like, you know, improve, or I understand something at a deeper level. And now I change my template, and now I go even further into something, and then I understand it even more, and then I change it again. And you know, it's just a powerful process, but evolving itself. It
• 24:50
  Kelly Hatfield: absolutely is, and it's so interesting. I know we wouldn't need to be wrapping up soon, but just in relation to my father in law passing away last week, it's got me thinking about my. Death, and are how precious life is. And, you know, I kind of future forecasted, like 30 years, hopefully, you know from now that, that you know, or 40 years are, you know, I'm on my deathbed, and when I'm reflecting back, so kind of pulling myself out of the current moment when I'm reflecting back. How is it that I, you know, what will I have wanted to achieve? How? How will I have wanted to show what impact will I've have wanted to have in the world, you know? And it's making me think too about, okay, you know? Well, how, how now do you need to be showing up differently to make kind of that level of impact? Or what adjustments do I need to make in my life right now, so that when I and down the road 40 years from now, you know, I am proud and happy and, you know, death, I'm not concerned about it all, because I put it all out on the table. You know what I mean. So I'm thinking, I'm in the process of thinking about that. And when you said identity, you know, I'm thinking about my next version of me and what that identity needs to be, and what identity I need to start living into so that when I'm reflecting back, and I know, for some people, that sounds morbid, but I don't feel that way about it. And so this is a beautiful way of being able to integrate, you know, using this methodology to then be able to really hone in on that identity piece and start aligning behavior with it. And I would like, prior to needing you, and prior to the methodology, this would be, have been something I would have thought about, but I wouldn't have take of of and I would have tried to integrate some of the things, and then wouldn't have successfully done that likely, you know, because just of the lack of consistency. And so what I love about this methodology is I know with
• 26:51
  certainty that when as I start to build more clarity around this, and get clear around how I'm going to build this, you know, how I'm going to revise my current think it be a GPS profile, or you can template that I know I'm going to actually be able to like there's a confidence that comes from knowing well, I've got the tool, I've got exactly what I need, the mechanism to make the necessary adjustments that I need to make so that I am in alignment when I am at that place. So anyway, I just wanted to share that with you, because you mentioned identity, and it was right along the lines of what you're saying. But these are kinds of some of the things that I'm going through right now as I'm just contemplating what we just went
• 27:34
  Unknown: through. Oh yeah, we've wrapped this. I want to, I want to throw one final thing out there. What I warning of our audience to just think about one thing, the significance of 95% of your daily thoughts and actions being unconscious. Just literally, let's say, 15 seconds, and just think about the significance of that, that the vast majority of your thoughts and actions are unconscious. Yeah. Are you all thinking about this? Because here's what I see, people know that, but they don't know they they know it sort of intellectually, but they don't really know it. Because if you know it, your life is never the chiefs, but the same meaning your life was literally never the same. You really get that. You go, oh my myxes determine my success. And if 95% of Brian conscious I kind of gave you drove my income, spayed, why do I do that? Well, mid state right here. Yep, you know, you're feeding the succinct articulation of your life yourself, beach tape, you know, but that's what advises me today, is people know it at one level, but they really don't know it. Working on how to how to apply this in my book. That's why, at the end of the day, your subconscious mind is either your greatest asset or it's your greatest demises. Because if you knew helping, you're wired for survival, your fear based, you're reactive. And this allows me way to live when you have that negative inner voice. And you know, it's just not a very good way to live. Yeah, okay, that partly thought, contemplate that, and we will see you next time.