Latest / Daily Influence / 591. Forgiveness: The Pathway to Peace and Personal Power with Dr. Dravon James

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591. Forgiveness: The Pathway to Peace and Personal Power with Dr. Dravon James · Daily Influence

• 0:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the daily influence where our mission is to deliver a daily dose of positive influence that can uplift you personally or be shared within your sphere of influence.
• 0:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: While not every episode may directly apply to your unique circumstances, we strive to provide insights and inspiration relevant to most people's daily, weekly, and monthly lives.
• 0:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whether you are tuning in during the morning, noon or night, the daily influence is here for you.
• 0:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Listen, share, and embrace the power of influence in your life.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to Daily Influence.
• 0:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm Greta Lino.
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Today I'm honored to welcome Dr. Dr. Dravon James, a transformative specialist, author, and founder of Everyday Peace.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: She's a author of forgiveness.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: The pathway to happiness and freedom is your birthright.
• 0:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Host of Everyday Peace on MindBodiesSpirit.fm.
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: A coach on serious exam and an actress you may recognize from HBO's acclaimed series The Wire with more than three decades of leadership and health care, including recognition from the Secretary of Veterans Affairs for her work during the COVID pandemic.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Dr. Drabam blends medical expertise, theoretical artistry, and deep personal development wisdom to help people create peace and purpose in their everyday lives.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Dr. Drabam, thank you so much for joining us and welcome to Daily Influence.
• 1:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, thank you.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm honored to be here.
• 1:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Could you share a bit about your background from growing up on the south side of Chicago to becoming a pharmacist, actress, and now transformation specialists in what led you to where you are today?
• 1:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I'd be happy to, yes.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: So as you mentioned, I am originally from Chicago, Illinois, South Side.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's go.
• 1:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I say it that way.
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I grew up primarily in New England.
• 2:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: We lived in
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  [SPEAKER_01]: called Spring Film Essences and I went to college in Boston, but my roots are from the south side.
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I spent most of my summers there and a good period of my life as well, but from junior high school to high school in college, I was in Massachusetts.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: But during that time, period, I always told people the most interesting thing I think about my childhood is I have the unique experience of going to church on Saturday and Sunday.
• 2:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: On Saturday, we went to what was a new thought, new age church.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And on Sunday, we went to a traditional church.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: We were kind of hostile.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: So my mom used to always say, when we go to church on Saturday, do not mention the Sunday church, because no one would get it.
• 2:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: We go to church on Sunday, do not mention the Saturday church, because no one would get it.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: So I was young when this started, and we could not fall asleep in church.
• 2:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was just, I thought it was the worst thing, but I can't remember as I was growing up.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't understand what the big deal was,
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  [SPEAKER_01]: Although they used different words, the concepts were really the same, they were basically saying the same thing to my young ears.
• 3:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, fast-forward many years, I'm graduating at graduate from high school.
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was for my summer that I graduated, I was getting to go to college and my brother gave me the power of positive thinking by Norman Vincent Peel.
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: At that point in my life, I had never heard of a motivational speaker.
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I only knew ministers in church and I never heard of a job as a motivational speaker or even a motivational writer.
• 3:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I did know what he had done in that book, but it opened something inside of me and I had been accepted to pharmacy school.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was going to go become a pharmacist, but I knew whatever I got from that book, how it made me feel.
• 3:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wanted the whole world to know that.
• 3:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I knew that I would dedicate a large portion of my life to infusing what I got from that book.
• 3:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so funny, I've now known older woman.
• 4:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: What I thought I got, and I was 18, maybe 17, almost 2018.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I thought I had discovered through Norman Vincent Peele's
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  [SPEAKER_01]: had a bad day in my life.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I really did.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I was, you know, 17, 18 years old.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: Of course, I've had many bad days.
• 4:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: But what I had discovered was how to use everything that shows up in my life.
• 4:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: The one unwanted and the wanted to create the life and craft that my dreams that I want.
• 4:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I tell people that that has met them, my mission.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so grateful for those two experiences that I had in
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: telling us of this.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I could do anything that I want.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I could become anything that I want it.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I could take any hardship and through the use of just mind and outcome me and make that a stepping stone.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: So that's what you know I teach and I really passion about that.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: I love that story.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for sharing that.
• 5:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: In your new book, forgiveness, the pathway to happiness.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: You talk about forgiveness as a foundation for peace and unity.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: What do you believe are the most common barriers people face when it comes to forgiveness?
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  [SPEAKER_02]: And how can they begin to overcome them?
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  [SPEAKER_01]: coach.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: And I hear this a lot.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: It said so many different ways, but it is that to forgive is to pardon with acceptance in such a way that I am saying that it was okay.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: It is certainly not that.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: It is absolutely not that.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: What forgiveness is saying, you know, I'm not going to let what you did or these circumstances
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  [SPEAKER_01]: this feeling.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: So that's the number one thing that I get.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: Number two, I get is that forgiving someone means that I have to go back into relationship with them.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's absolutely not true.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: Because forgiveness can be done just you.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't need even someone to ask or forgiveness.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: It is a act of power that you alone make.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: Reconciliation, however, takes two people to willing people to
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  [SPEAKER_01]: to not only say they want to reconcile, but to make the changes and those things that may never happen.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: You may not want it to happen.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: The other person may not want to happen.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: It is not necessary that it would happen to be great if it did, but it's not necessary for forgiveness.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: forgiveness is for you.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: It is the singular thing that you do for yourself.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that leads me to my third thing, which is people think forgiveness is for the other person.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I am forgiving you because it sounds like that, right?
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  [SPEAKER_01]: It sounds like I'm forgiving you.
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm letting you off the hook.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: When in fact, it is an act of self love that says, I am forgiving you to let myself off the hook.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I am detangling us from this.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: You may carry it and take it anywhere that you want.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I am no longer going to be dragged along that journey with you.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I disconnected from this experience.
• 7:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: So those are the top three barriers that I get in like, is it at the end of people?
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  [SPEAKER_01]: So I've done that and I still feel this is okay.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: So we go back to the drawing board and we do it again.
• 7:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we do it again.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: And each time it takes less energy, but in the beginning it's quite, it can be quite cumbersome to get to this place where you can let go faster and faster but you are worth the work to do it.
• 7:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: That is so true.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for sharing that.
• 7:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: In our I&T series, it's built on the concept of responsible influence and positive influence.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: Can you share a moment where practicing forgiveness or teaching it made a positive impact on someone's life and perhaps even influence the way they lead or show up for others?
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  [SPEAKER_01]: People never think that leadership is connected to a forgiveness practice.
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe they do, but they don't put it in, you know, as a priority.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: But the better you are at forgiveness, I am the professional pain, the more smoothly your operation will go.
• 8:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because when your team trusts you, right?
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: They are more likely to be vulnerable and transparent about the
• 8:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: because someone's life at the end of this, I did have a particular staff member who had purposefully engaged in the activity that was not at the cause.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would have liked and I had to discover it on my own.
• 8:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't that individual came and told me.
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I started looking through things and I discovered it and then I was very transparent about what I had discovered with this particular team
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: talked about that.
• 9:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And once we got to the place of, you know, the team member did own up and say, okay, I did do it.
• 9:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And there was a thought that, oh my gosh, you know, she will, at the very least, write me up for this or, you know, and at the very worst, this is a, I could be fired for this.
• 9:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they were very, very surprised when I gave professional advice, you know, what needs to happen within our
• 9:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is healthcare.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I do need you to be honorable and ethical with your behavior, but then I also talked about the power of forgiveness and not just me for giving the individual, but them for giving themselves and it was necessary so that they could practice without the shadow of always you're walking under the shadow.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: This act is truly certainly hope so, but the forgiveness for this right now is it.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: It's extended to you for me.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: And now I would ask you to forgive yourself.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: Was I mistaken judgment?
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  [SPEAKER_01]: You have an understanding.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: And it has made a big difference in how this individual who still works for me reports to me today has shown up for our team.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a wonderful story.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for sharing it.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, many leaders struggle with conflict and teams.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: How can forgiveness be applied in leadership or organizational settings to build stronger relationships and healthier team cultures?
• 10:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, thank you.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: Number one thing you've got to get from that is trust.
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: is trust.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's so important as a leader.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: It's, you know, in, you know, this is not, I wish it was a fairy tale.
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  [SPEAKER_01]: I wish you would forgive a staff member and, you know, add one trust you forever.
• 10:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: You trust is something you rebuild.
• 10:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And there are so many other things going on that are, if you're in leadership, there are all other things that you are in competition with, you know, the rumor mills and all that sort of stuff.
• 10:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the individuals themselves who have
• 11:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: who have been extended the grace of forgiveness and when you have actually asked them to give themselves so they could go ahead and do their job and come back by the past.
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right?
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  [SPEAKER_01]: That makes a partnership that they may not have experienced anywhere else in their life, right?
• 11:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: At home and friendships and to give that on a job.
• 11:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, we've been more time, I say to my team anyway, at healthcare, it's certainly true.
• 11:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: We've been more time at work with our work team,
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  [SPEAKER_01]: the many of us do with our families.
• 11:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so what happens there does trickle over into other parts of their life.
• 11:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so thereby you are making a positive impact.
• 11:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're taking that back.
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when they reach out all that story, that story ends with, well, my supervisor,
• 11:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: and they didn't really like they didn't know what happened.
• 11:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: They, you know, can't really ask me to forgive myself too until you could go for it with the clean slate.
• 11:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I think it makes a big difference.
• 11:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the Esprit de Corps that is required for successful teams.
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
• 12:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: In your work, you emphasize that forgiveness is an act of self-love and reclaiming our power.
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  [SPEAKER_02]: How does taking personal responsibility in this way set an example of positive influence for others around us?
• 12:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 12:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we talk a lot about self love.
• 12:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And one thing we don't talk a lot about was I believe is directly correlated to how much you practice self love is self trust.
• 12:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when you can look at yourself and you can look at whatever this act is, whether you consider the small act or major act, because we both, we have both of those in our life, everybody does.
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say, I absolutely forgive you.
• 12:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love you and I forgive you.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: We open up the part of ourselves where we are open to sustainable change and the world, whoever your world is the people that you are around.
• 12:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: they're watching and they notice change.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And once they see you or myself change, it's like it gives them permission to change.
• 13:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a light bulb goes up and says, I don't have to be who I was yesterday, even five minutes ago, if I think there's a better way for me to be.
• 13:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm looking at somebody more frightened from my eyes, right?
• 13:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's better than anything you could read in the book or here in a seminar, when a person that you're in relationship with and you know them as a flawed individual, but you see that they make the decision to change through forgiveness.
• 13:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: It gives us permission to do the same if they can do it.
• 13:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: We know they're just human.
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's a regular person.
• 13:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: It reads belief in ourselves that we can do it too.
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's so true.
• 13:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: One message or words of encouragement, would you like to share with our listeners who aspire to make a positive difference in the world?
• 13:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: The message that I would like to share with listeners is that right now, in this moment, you have the power to set yourself free from something that is like a ball and chain around you and for some of us, those are big,
• 14:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: and then move on, everyday find something to forgive at the yourself or someone else's form and then find something to be grateful for.
• 14:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: You'll see, the sun will shine brighter in your life.
• 14:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's wonderful.
• 14:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, Dr. Dr. Dr. Ivonne, thank you for reminding us that forgiveness isn't about condoning or forgetting, but about reclaiming our peace and power and your work shows how influence begins with self-awareness and self-love.
• 14:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: and how those choices ripple out to unify and uplift others were grateful for your wisdom and your example.
• 14:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: If our listeners want to get in touch with you, what's the best way to do so?
• 14:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: My website, which is just my name, Dr. Draibandjames.com.
• 15:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Also, you can find me as you mentioned in the intro.
• 15:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I do life coaching where I give this message and other messages on a series XM channel 146, the first Monday of every month, every month.
• 15:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so you can find me there 738 and Eastern.
• 15:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Wonderful.
• 15:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: We'll put that information as shown notes.
• 15:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your stories in your advice.
• 15:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're very welcome.
• 15:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: To our listeners, thank you for tuning into Daily Influence.
• 15:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: I hope today's conversation brought you insight and inspiration.
• 15:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: If it's spoke to you, share it with someone who could use a little positivity today.
• 15:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Remember, small actions create big impact.
• 15:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Keep showing up, leading, and growing one data time.
• 15:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Until next time, stay inspired and keep having a positive responseable influence.
• 15:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Bye-bye.