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What is Valentine's Day like with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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What is going on? Beautiful.
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People today we're. Talking about Valentine's Day in
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a toxic relationship. With a narcissist or a toxic
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person? How?
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How? Could it go?
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If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist, and welcome to
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another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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So boom first. Off 1st off.
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Let me start by saying. Happy Valentine's Day to you all
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out there. You might not get a Happy
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Valentine's Day from your partner or your parent or
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whoever the narcissistic person in your life is, so you might
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not get it. So here it is.
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Happy Birthday from Lee Hammock over here at Mental Illness.
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Seriously. Happy let's say a birthday.
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Happy Valentine's. Day.
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Yeah, my mind went blank. But yeah, yeah, narcissist.
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Valentine's Day with a narcissist can be a very tough
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experience every single year. Can be different and this is.
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Me just letting you know every single year can absolutely be
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difficult when you're dealing with a narcissist or a tax
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person. That's just how it goes.
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That's part of the dynamic. That's part of the, you know,
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whatever it is, you know. But like a lot of narcissists do
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have consistency if you haven't gotten a Valentine's Day.
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Gift or happy? Valentine's Day or some flowers
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or your cheeks clapped in in 12. Valentine's Day 13.
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Expecting it on Valentine's Day #13 probably is far.
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Fetched for you. You see what I'm saying?
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But a lot of narcissists use Valentine's Day.
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So, like, it's going. To sound.
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Weird. I'm going to break this up into
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two parts, but it's going to be two parts in this one video.
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Some the 1st. Part of it right here.
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Y'all will tell you that some narcissist.
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Will. Go out out for you on.
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Valentine's Day like this might be the one day of the.
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Year that they go all out for you, you know?
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It might be. It might be the one day of the
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year that. They go all out for you because
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this is the. Day that they.
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Use the make. Up for all the.
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BS They put you through and last.
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Year and the. Beginning of this year, you
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know, it's just like this one day I focus a lot of power time.
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Effort and. Energy into so that I can
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prepare and heal right here for it, you know, so I can get past
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it. So that's what a lot of
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narcissists do right there. They literally will pop into
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that right there and pop into that space where they use this.
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One day as the day that they do well for you.
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The day that they decide to treat you good.
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The day that they decide to be there for you and do things like
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that. You know what I mean?
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They might go all out. Happy Valentine's Day.
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Here's some cheeks. I'm going to clap them cheeks,
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whatever it is, they might use this day to just make up for it
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all. This is the one day of the year
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that they just be good to you. You know, but this is the
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craziness right here. Y'all.
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The next day, the next day might be horrible.
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The day before and the day after might be.
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Horrible. But Valentine's Day?
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You might have a big smile. On your face.
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And this right here can be confusing as hell for you.
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If you're in a toxic relationship, this could be one
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of the most confusing aspects. Of it Because you're like damn
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why? You ain't you.
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You didn't treated me. Horrible the whole year.
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Like 364? Three.
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You know 3. 164. Or 65.
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Depending on leap year. This in leap year you treated me
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horrible. No one day out of the year you
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decide to be nice to me and it's this day.
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Some of them will depict this one day.
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You know so. For 99.
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Percent of the. The related for 99% of the.
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Time that you were together with this person.
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They're treating you horribly, but Valentine's Day they go all
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out. You know, they, they they go.
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All out and whatnot. But that's how it happens.
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That's how it goes. That's the mentality of it right
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there. And if I tell people like it
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might, you know this might. Be the only time that they go
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all out. This might be the only time that
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they're good for you. This is for some people, This is
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for some. This is not for everybody.
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This is not. For everybody.
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You know what I mean? Because Part 2 of the video
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we're going to hop. Into right now.
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Valentine's Day will probably be another another, just another
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day. They might treat you horribly.
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On Valentine's Day, right? This might be the one day of the
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year. This might be a just
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continuation of the. Other days of the year, except
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for. Valentine's Day, they might go
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all out and treating you badly. You know they might go all out
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and doing bad things to you. They they might go all out and
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trying to hurt you or doing things to you.
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They might go all out go all. Out in their abuse.
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They might go all out. And ghost.
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You they might go all out and get somebody else something for
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Valentine's Day other than you. They might go all out in the
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other direction because this is. This is.
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Typically what people? Get right here.
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Most people you know. Get the bad.
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Treatment on Valentine's Day. They'll give you the excuses.
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It's just another. It's a.
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Commercialized holiday. Why do you give?
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So why do you care so damn much? This is so stupid.
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Why the hell are you caring so much about Valentine's Day?
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This is just another day. This is so dumb that we even.
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Arguing about this, that we're talking about this, This is so.
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Ignorant You know they'll they'll harp it.
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They'll harp down on you, right? There.
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They'll get mad at you for what? Even wanting to celebrate
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Valentine's Day, They'll put it on you that you even want to
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celebrate this day. Like how dare.
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You. Want to be?
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How dare you want? Some love and some Crest.
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How how dare you want me to make you feel appreciated?
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How dare you? You know.
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You're so selfish to make the day all about you.
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To make it all about you. You know.
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All about you, you were just so selfish, you know you were just.
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So selfish. You made it all about you.
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You're the narcissist. They're talking.
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They're stupid. They're trying to make you.
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Seem like the narcissist for wanting to celebrate this day.
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You know, they're just like you're the narcissist.
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Because narcissists make the day, want this day.
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To be all. About them.
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So this you really the narcissist, you really the tax
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person, So they'll put it on to you.
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About being. Narcissistic because.
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You want to celebrate Valentine's Day?
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You know what I mean? That's that's the mindset of a.
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Lot of narcissistic people, they will absolutely drop you, you
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know, drop it on you today. Like in the lead up.
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It's crazy. Y'all, the lead up again is
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horrible to Valentine's Day. Y'all might have already been
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experiencing it last week, the week before.
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It's like sometimes y'all they will actually start arguments a
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day before, two days before, like a week before Valentine's
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Day to have an excuse not to get you something to do anything for
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you. You know the first Valentine's
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Day they might have, they might have done something for you, but
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then the next 23456, they never done anything for you.
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So y'all this is so this is what I'm telling you right here.
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You might need to stop. Look, stop, look, lower your
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expectations to 0. Because if you still have an
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expectation to get something, maybe this, maybe I've been look
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this and this is how they condition you.
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You start thinking to yourself, maybe I've been good enough to
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get a. Maybe I've been good enough
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last. Year and I've been.
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Submissive enough? Or I put up with enough, I
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provided enough. Maybe they'll give me something
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this year and. Then this year is.
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All the same, they treat you badly.
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They don't appreciate anything you do for them.
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And the crazy thing about it is if even if they don't give you
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something, they might expect something from you.
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And here's another crazy thing about it.
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If they don't, they don't. Get you anything?
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And you do get them something. They might get mad at you.
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Why the hell did you give me something I didn't want?
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Nothing. So now you're getting punished
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for being thoughtful. But if you don't give them
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something, you get punished for not being thoughtful.
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Yo, it's a no win situation unless you celebrate by
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yourself. You know, unless you just
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celebrate Valentine's Day by. Yourself or Galentine's Day,
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whatever your palate. Valentine's Day, you know.
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Is it? Is it?
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What's the dude? What's the dude version?
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I don't know. I don't even know if there is
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the dude version. Valentine's Day, like
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Galentine's. You know.
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Palentine's Brolentine's Day. Whatever it is.
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But that's the dynamic that so many of us face.
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Y'all. But that's why I'm just.
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I want. Y'all I tell you and I tell you
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this. I mean this.
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I want y'all to win. I want y'all to be prepared for
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it. You know, I might do a
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Valentine. Y'all do a lot tonight.
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Y'all will go see this it it'll be about 3:30 PM Eastern
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Standard Time. So if y'all see this.
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If y'all want me to do a Valentine's Day tonight, just,
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you know, Valentine's Day live tonight just.
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What is today? Is Wednesday.
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Just drop them. Drop it in the comments.
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It's like Lee, do it live tonight.
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We can just chat on Valentine's Day.
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How's your Valentine's Day going?
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Well, I can do that. We can just, hey, just come,
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Let's celebrate. Let's celebrate together.
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You know, just meet me on the live tonight.
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Meet me on the live tonight. My wife.
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I did some of my wife. I'm going to be good to my wife
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today. Y'all know y'all like Well, Lee,
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you told me about narcissism on Valentine's Day.
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Where's your wife? Why do?
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You do nothing. For your wife, y'all.
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I'm doing. With him.
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For my wife. I had to go, actually had to go
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work out with her today. That's her, her gift for
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Valentine's Day. She want me to go to this, this
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gym up the street with her. So I'll be.
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I'll be at the what's it called? Burn Boot Camp over in North
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Carolina. I'll be in Bourbon boot camp
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today with her. That's her gift.
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She wants me to do something with her.
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But that's the dynamic. Y'all this is what you face when
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you're dealing with narcissistic people.
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This is part of it right here, you know.
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That they You can't win unless you can't like.
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I'm not going to say you can't win.
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You can't win with them, but you can win for yourself.
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Get something for yourself. And I know it sounds lame.
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It sounds dumb. Get something for yourself if
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you have kids. You know, make make a gift.
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You know, have your kids make you.
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It's not pathetic. I know people like, I don't want
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to do that. Yeah, you can condition your
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kids to give to be to be givers and things like that.
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You know, man, you can't. I don't know how you.
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You can raise your kids. You want to raise them, you
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know, But my oldest son? His mom's.
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Birthday is on the She'll kill me.
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She don't watch my videos because she'll kill me if I
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forgot her birthday. The 16th.
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Sorry, Tanisha. It's alright.
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Tanisha, if you see this, I'm sorry I forgot your birthday.
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I think it's a 16th though, but I will.
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I'm going to take him to give him something.
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Take him to help him get his mom something for her birthday, you
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know? And Valentine's Day.
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Like, get your mom something you know we ain't been together in.
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Over a decade. But here?
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Get your mom something because they teach him how to give
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gifts. They teach him how to be, you
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know, he's really he's. He gets so happy when he gives
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gifts though. He's 15 years old.
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He's he gets excited when he gives gifts to people I love.
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I love that about him. I love that about all my kids
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because they're super givers, you know?
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But that's how it goes to y'all. That's why I say.
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You can win. Give something for yourself.
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Go look. Y'all celebrate.
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Go ahead, look pre celebrate. Celebrate today.
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If you watching this video, you had a bad Valentine's Day so
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far. Look, get up.
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Smile. Just like I'm worth it, you
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know? Hey, look, I have.
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I should have. I'm worth it.
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But my shirt says I'm. Thriving today.
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You can still thrive today. Even if they'll even if they
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don't get you something that says more about them than it
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does about you. It's just.
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People, don't forget Valentine's Day.
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There's too much, there's too many reminders around here.
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That just means that they are actively trying not to.
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Get you something? To make you feel a certain type
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of way, this is active, this is active.
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This is. Not like this is them actively
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thinking, going out here, not getting you something to hurt
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your feelings. To make you feel a certain type
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of way to get you to react to them.
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To get you to say something to them.
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Oh, you didn't give me anything today?
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Now we're going. Now.
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Now an argument can ensue. You see how that works right
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there? I didn't get you something.
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I was going to get you something, but you didn't ask.
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Or they give you some kind of crappy gift, like a shoe, shoe
11:21
rack or something that y'all can use around the house.
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You mean they? You know, they get you some golf
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clubs, like actually some golf clubs and.
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Valentine's like I don't play. Golf.
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Oh Dang it. I can't take them back.
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I guess I'll use them. What?
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You know what? I.
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Mean Doesn't seem like I said up, but it is.
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It's all y'all had to. I needed it.
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I'll be chewing these caffeine pills.
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Caffeine pills. Help me wake up.
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Y'all I'll be. I work.
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More now doing this type of stuff than I did.
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I worked in the warehouse and doing real estate.
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It's crazy, but I appreciate everything one of y'all.
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But like, we're going to do a Valentine's Day live.
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Just drop in the comment section.
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Just say. Drop the comment.
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What can we do? What can we do?
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Just put live, you know, just. Put live, put a thumbs up.
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Don't put the word live. Put a thumbs up in the comment
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section you want to be if you want me to do a live tonight and
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probably 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time round there round
12:12
there. But I'll do a live.
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Tonight we'll. Just chat about Valentine's Day.
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How you doing? You know, we'll just chat,
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celebrate. Together.
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You know, we can win together. You can win the the the win of
12:21
Valentine's Day because they are going to try to hold.
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You out, they're going to. Try to make.
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You feel bad? We're not feeling bad today.
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Even if you feel bad, this is going to help pick you up right
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here because you understand it's not about you, it's about them.
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They yeah, they're actively doing this to make you feel bad.
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Oh, I just forgot. Oh, I don't do that.
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Oh, I don't celebrate that holiday.
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Oh, that's stupid. That says more about them than
12:44
it does about you. You are worthy.
12:47
You are thriving. You are resilient.
12:49
You're. Empowered.
12:50
Let's get. It y'all make sure you.
12:52
Subscribe to the channel if you. Already haven't you know.
12:55
Thank y'all so much for 400K too.
12:56
I don't know if I did that last video, so thankful for y'all.
12:58
Let's get to 500. My youngest son wants me.
13:01
My youngest. Son.
13:02
My middle son. My middle child.
13:04
He wants me to get a million sons on.
13:06
YouTube so he he can hold hang the plaque up in his room.
13:08
You know what I mean. He has my my 100K plaque.
13:11
That's why I don't have it on the wall.
13:12
He has it in his room. He's so you know.
13:14
He thinks I'm cool. My son thinks I'm cool.
13:16
Help me. Help me remain cool.
13:17
To my son, I'm thankful. For y'all, subscribe to the
13:21
video. Y'all, I'm out.
13:22
Peace. Thank you.
13:23
So much for making it to the end of my video.
13:25
You Are a Mental Illness Rockstar and I.
13:27
Appreciate you for being here if you haven't already.
13:30
Make sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
13:32
watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
13:34
There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
13:37
kids. But remember, it's not your
13:39
fault on Amazon, so check that out.
13:42
Thank you. I will see you in the next
13:43
video. Peace.