Latest / Aging ain't for Sissies / Why Healthy Aging Feels Like A Second Job

Transcript

Why Healthy Aging Feels Like A Second Job · Aging ain't for Sissies

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: Hello and welcome to Aging Name for Sissies.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, hello, friends, and welcome back to another episode of Aging Ape for Sissies.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: I am Marcy, and if you're new here, welcome.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: Around here, we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: And this week I need to have a little talk with whoever was in charge of preparing us for aging, because he left out a few details.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Some very important details, by the way.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: This episode came about while I was working with my trainer this week.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: I said to him, This is really hard getting old, like trying to remember all the things I need to do.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: I meant that in the lightest of ways.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: And today we're going to tackle it in the lightest of ways.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because whoever, this whole aging thing, they left out some details, some very important details.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: When I was younger, I thought aging meant reading glasses, gray hair, and maybe a sensible pair of shoes.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: My mother did nothing about aging.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: I nothing.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think my mom drank water for ages, like nothing.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I am like, I've got a full-on spreadsheet for aging.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody sat me down and said, Marcy, one day you'll spend part of every morning wondering if you've eaten enough protein.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody mentioned that.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no, not out there.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Not in the ethers.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm mentioning it.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm mentioning it all because I need to.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody said I'd be carrying a water bottle around like it was life support.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody said I'd voluntarily lift heavy things in a gym because apparently that's what keeps you from breaking a hip at 80.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody said I'd spend time researching magnesium supplements and aster xanthem that I'm taking now.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: What the hell is aster?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody said I'd become deeply interested in fiber.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Fiber?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Seriously?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know how boring a topic has to be before you're excited about fiber?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yet here we are.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: Here we are.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, aging isn't getting really is.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: Aging is really getting hard.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: Not because we're old, has nothing to do with that.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because there is so much to manage.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I guess you don't have to manage it if you don't want to, but if you want to do this well, there is some managing that needs to be done.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: Today we're talking about the unexpected workload of getting older.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: And if you've ever thought, why is everything suddenly my responsibility?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: This episode is for you.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm going to probably talk about some things and you're going to go, well, that's not me.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's not me.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: Why is she talking about that?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: Blah, blah, blah, whatever.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: I always come from my perspective in these episodes.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: So take it with a grain of salt, take it what you will.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: But aging has become a part-time job for me.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: I want to start here.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, this podcast.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: Do something to keep your mind sharp, they say.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, hello.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: You are my mind sharpening tool.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I spend more time maintaining myself than I ever expected.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Think about it.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: We exercise, I do water aerobics, I walk everywhere I go.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: I do strength training.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: I stretch now.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: I am now trying to get 150 grams of protein in a day.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: I have to stay hydrated because it helps keep my skin plump, keeps cramps away.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: I need to get enough sleep.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: I take supplements.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: I have a shit ton of doctor's appointments.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I have to tell you, those have backed off a little because things are going well.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: We need to do blood work.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: We have numbers that we have to hit, people.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: We need to do our preventative screenings.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Then there's the dental cleanings, the eye exams, the skin checks.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: The list never ends.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: And the crazy part, most of us are healthier than previous generations.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: But staying healthy does require work.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And it's exhausting, people.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's exhausting.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm exhausted sometimes.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like every week experts discover something now.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Now we're trying to get 100 grams of protein or 120 or 150, depending on which expert you're listening to.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: Luckily, I have a friend that's an expert.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: She helped me figure it out.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: A few years ago, nobody was talking about protein.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Now it's everywhere.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: I walk through Costco, and half the store appears to have protein added to it: protein coffee, protein yogurt, protein bars, protein cereal, protein cookies.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm expecting to see protein in my toothpaste.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: And don't, and I would like that because it would be one more place that I wouldn't have to think about adding protein.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: And don't even get me started on strength training.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: I finally found water aerobics.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: I uh was happy.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: I was living my best life five days a week in the water, flouncing around.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: I would be, I would happily live in a pool.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: Then someone informed me.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: You need to get more muscle strength.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: I need to lift weights too.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: Apparently, swimming isn't enough.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Walking isn't enough.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Existing isn't enough.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm in the gym looking at machines, wondering if I'm strengthening my glutes or accidentally launching myself into another dimension.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know people.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: I have a personal trainer.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: Good God, this is exhausting.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: My mom sat in a chair.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Now, mind you, I don't know.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: My mom lived a pretty good life.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna lie.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: The woman lived till in her 80s with emphysema.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't know.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, but apparently this is the thing I need to do.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm trying, just like you're all trying.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: But there is a mental load to this.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: The physical stuff is one to think, the mental stuff is another.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: I actually do Sudoku now.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: I made fun of Craig, I have to be honest, for a long time for doing it.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: Now I do it.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Haven't told him so.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Shh.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: But life gets exhausting.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: And why?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because we're also still a lot of us are responsible for our aging parents, responsible for our spouses, a lot of us are responsible for grandchildren, or even our adult children.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: And can we talk about adult children for a minute?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because nobody warned us about this phase either.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: You spend 20 years raising them, getting them launched.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: You think you're done.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: Then one calls, they can't figure out insurance, another one needs advice, another one has a crisis, another one wants help budgeting.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: And God love them.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be there for my adult kids all the time.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: But sometimes I just want to say, fucking figure it out yourself.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: Excuse my language.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Language warning.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: I help them because honestly, it makes me feel good to help.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a helper.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a fixer.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't know that about me, if you are my friend or if you've just met me on this podcast, I'm a fixer.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: I can't help it.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's what I am.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: I've come to embrace it and I continue to fix.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: But it is exhausting.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: It is exhausting.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: And yesterday I went into church to tell them I'm giving up a job, but managed to get two more.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: Only me.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Only me.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: And adult children are somehow it's harder because you can't actually tell them what to do.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: You just sit there watching the train approach.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you watch the train go right through the station.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it stops and asks a question.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's a train wreck.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: You offer your advice and they and then you pray.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: I do give my children to God all the time.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: That is emotional cardio.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Every single day.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: Every single day.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: You can't tell me.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care how perfect your adult children are.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care if they're lawyers and doctors and they've managed to get that piece of it.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: There's something in their life that you're thinking about that you're worrying about.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Now, my parents' generation didn't do that.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: My parents' generation were the I don't give a shit generation.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: My life was a dumpster fire and they had no idea.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: Before I got sober when I was out on my own, my life was a dumpster fire, and my parents were blissfully unaware.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: There's something to be said for that.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: Everything is more complicated than it used to be as well.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I've talked about this.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: Can we all agree on this?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Everything requires a password or your face or your fingerprint.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: And nothing ever works.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Everything requires an app.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yesterday, honest to God, I went to open a Word document.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: It says, you no longer have Microsoft 365.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, where did I get it?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Was I using Craig's?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: Did it come?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: I thought it had come with my, and I think it did when I first started my podcast, when I created a website.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: I think I got it from GoDaddy.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't figure it out.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: I finally just paid for a new subscription.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: And in doing that, I almost got my computer Shanghai.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Thank God my internet and my house is smarter than me.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: Everything requires another password.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: I recently forgot a password for an account whose password existed only to access another account.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Explain that.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: You can't.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody can.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: And don't get me started on healthcare portals.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: I have my portals.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: I had them all set up.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: Now there's a general portal to the portals.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know about that.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: A portal for every doctor, a portal for prescriptions, a portal for insurance, a portal.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Who knew when we were in elementary school that we were going to live a life in portals?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: A portal to access the portal.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you'll find it in your portal.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes points, some point I'd like a portal that simply explains all my portals.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: I pay extra for that.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: The surprise grief nobody talks about in this aging thing.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the harder part.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: There are losses.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Not huge dramatic losses every day, little ones.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: Friends move away, parents age, people get sick, people freaking die on you.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: People retire.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: People move.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Some dreams change.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: Some plans don't happen.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes relationships shift.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes your asshole husband is an asshole.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: It all happens.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: Well, all this other crap is going on.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm sagging, begging, puffy eyes, dry eyes, runny nose.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like I live with tissue in my hand.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: And while we're managing all the practical stuff, we're also carrying emotional realities, and that's a lot, which is why I think many people our age feel tired.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: You can tell I'm a little emotional because there's a lot going on in life.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's not all physical.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: My soul is tired.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: We've lived enough life to know life is beautiful.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: We've lived a life to know that life is fragile.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: Both things can be true at once.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: All right, that's enough emotional, Marcy.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: Stop it, Marcy.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: Slap me in the face here.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: All right, I want some good news.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: So, because you know all you all know me well enough to know I try to look at the bright side of things.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: But even I struggle at times.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: But I actually think this stage of life can be amazing, and I do, because we've stopped pretending.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: We're more honest, we're wiser, we're less interested in impressing people.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that is so true.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: We're finally figuring out what matters.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: The challenge is that we have to stop trying to do everything.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: And God, that is a challenge for me.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's a challenge.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Not every health trend, not every obligation, not every crisis, not every expectation.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: Somewhere along the way, we have to decide what actually matters to me.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: For me, it's relationships.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: Travel, my podcasts, laughing, moving my body, helping others, learning new things.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: The rest.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm getting a lot better at letting it go.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: If you know me, that's my list.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's what my what's what's most important to me.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: Relationships is number one.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: And my relationship with Craig right now is going through it.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: It is tough.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: I love to travel.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: My podcasts, honestly, you guys help me stay mentally awake, mentally aware.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: Moving my body is so important because I personally, personally, I am mourning the physicality of young Marcy.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: I let so many things go four years ago, or actually five, six years ago, when I got in a car accident and I was in so much pain all the time.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: Chronic pain is a life thief.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I allowed that chronic pain to tell me I was not capable of doing things anymore.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: I gained weight.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: I got physically inactive, and damn it, it is hard to get it back.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mourn the person that could get up off the ground and out of a chair easily.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I am working my ass off people to get her back.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: I know this isn't a very long episode, but I don't like to make episodes just to talk, to hear myself talk, as my dad would say.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: But I did think about it when I was working out with Erin, my trainer, the other day.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: I said, aging is hard.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then I looked at him and I said, Oh, that's my next podcast.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't mean getting old.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: I mean aging.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: I mean aging.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I think our generation of agers, if you're I'm 65, if you're somewhere around here, we hold a lot more than our parents did.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot more expected from us.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't expect my parents to help me.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't expect my parents to be there for me if emotionally.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: And to be honest, as hard as it is with my kids sometimes.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm grateful that I'm important enough for my son to call me the minute he gets finished with a trip where he was out of service for two weeks.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: To let me know he's good.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm grateful that my oldest child who struggles with ADHD trusts me enough to help them with finances, to take care of their money?
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: Would my life be easier if I didn't have to do that probably?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: But I do it with a happy heart.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm grateful that my kid trusts me enough to be there for them.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh sorry, everyone, it's really emotional.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've been feeling overwhelmed lately, let me tell you something.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's not because you're failing at aging.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's because aging is a lot more complicated than anyone told you.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: We're managing our health, our families, our finances, our homes, our future.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's the one financial future which worries me.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: And we're all doing it while trying to enjoy life.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's a lot.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: Give yourself some credit.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: You're doing better than you think.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, around here we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to thank you for spending part of your day with me.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, we got to keep laughing, keep moving, and keep learning and remember aging eight versus ease.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'll do something.