Latest / College Is Fine, Everything's Fine / #93 Am I Doing College Right? Roommates, Boundaries, and Building Confidence with Suzanne Hanna
Transcript
- liz: well hi Sarah and I'm really excited for our guest who's on because if you are on social media, this is a mom and an expert that I have to imagine you have come across. If you are a parent of a college if you Sarah: Right. liz: are a parent of a college student or you're a college student yourself, she's doing the Lord's work on social media. Sarah: Yeah, yeah, no introduction needed. liz: we have Suzanne Hanna here today. And Suzanne, I would love for you to introduce yourself to our listeners. Tell them about all about the amazing work that you're doing. Suzanne Hanna: Cool, yes, thank you. again, I'm I'm Suzanne Hanna and I'm a life coach for college girls. I spent twenty five years in education, mostly public education and mostly as a high school assistant principal. So I've been in the trenches with girls and understand the the I guess the challenges they go through socially, emotionally, and academically. And I realize that girls need a little more support than what they are able to get in schools because we are overworked and there aren't enough people there to help the girls. And and so I started my company two years ago, Suzanne Hannah Coaching, and I focused mostly on college girls and but I also help girls between the high school and college transition. And it's been a a a beautiful transition for me into this career because the girls really need the extra support and I have found two this community of moms that want to help their daughters and I've realized that I serve as like this medium where I can speak to both moms and girls at the same time. And I think Sarah: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: Always doing that as an assistant principal. And I didn't realize I was doing that until I started an Instagram account. And then I love how it connects with girls and moms. So I've got this beautiful community Sarah: Bye. Suzanne Hanna: of just supportive people. I've just met the nicest people and women who reach out to each other. And it's true, it's it's turned into a community. And I love it. yeah. And so I'm really excited about that and proud of it because it feels good to have been able to start something that brings people together in a time of pretty crazy division. Yeah. liz: Yeah. Yeah. Sarah: 100%. I was going say you are also, you're really positive, focused, helpful content, really, really practical. So I can see why people, liz: Mm-hmm. Sarah: I can see why you're a magnet for that good community feeling. and I know that people just really appreciate your advice. In fact, Liz and I was like, okay, what would Suzanne do? how would she make Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. Sarah: it simpler? Like how would she make it? And so it's, so we're so grateful for you. And I know these moms and daughters are too. And we were thinking about all the different topics we could talk to you about. And you even said it when we were chatting before, you talk about anything, but just given the time of year right now, it's, you know, people go in, they've got the big transition. It feels maybe exciting, overwhelming, lonely, et cetera. Everyone's probably being. polite or maybe open or might be over isolating, but whatever it is, that kind of transitional period, we're starting to see people get their feet a little wet, right? And, perhaps some of the initial excitement and overwhelm is settling. Maybe not, but this is a time when we start to hear things like, my gosh, my roommate blank, or should I drop out of this class? Or I might trans, I might switch dorms cause I don't have any fun when fun in my dorm that I. Right? So is that the same for you and your coaching business? Do you have people, is this a time where you start to notice those kind of pricklier things come up with your girls and your moms? Suzanne Hanna: Yes, certainly. Absolutely. actually I write in my notebook things that I like patterns that I hear from my girls. And my patterned patterned comment last liz: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: week was, Am I doing college right? That is what girls were asking. And I was like, Of course Sarah: huh. liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: you are, because there's no right way. liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: it's your way. Like you you forge your own design and how you want this to be. But I think girls especially are just so In their own stories that they've told themselves about what college is supposed to be, liz: Mm. Suzanne Hanna: based on social media, based on adults like us saying it'll it's the time of your life and you're gonna meet your best friends and you're gonna meet your bridesmaids. And I think we set up liz: Right. Right. Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: we set the kids up for like just this height, you know, heightened time Sarah: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: for four years, and then they get there and they're like, I live in this tiny room with another person. I I have I Sarah: All right. Suzanne Hanna: have to eat in this dining hall where the lot of the food's not very good. And People are loud, I can't sleep, I'm sick, I'm tired, and and it's just the reality of it has hit. And so I think Sarah: No. Suzanne Hanna: the am I doing college right question is so sweet because they they high achieving girls want to do the right thing. Everybody wants to do the right thing. It reminds me of one of my daughter's horse trainers said something this weekend that brought tears to my eyes. She said horses are herd animals that just don't want to get in trouble. And I was like, Do Sarah: No. Suzanne Hanna: you understand that's how I felt for twenty five years in education? They're just little herd animals that don't want to get in trouble. Nobody wants to get in trouble. And that's Sarah: Bye! Suzanne Hanna: sweet. I was like, I can't, no, I can never forget that. But so these kids just don't want to get in trouble. They want to do the right thing. They want to live this dream college life. And then at this point, the newness has worn off. You know, sometimes the first friends you make aren't the greatest of friends. liz: Right. Suzanne Hanna: Not because they're, you know, not because anything's wrong with them or anything's wrong with you, but it's just not a, you know, a compatible relationship, which is normal. And a lot of times the the true colors of a roommate have come out at this point. And people people Sarah: Right, right, Suzanne Hanna: sell themselves on the roommate apps. They don't, they lie about the questions. You know, do liz: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: you vape? No. Will you ever have your boyfriend over for the night? Never then it happens. And so it's just, again, people you you see the the real life stories liz: Right. Sarah: Get out! Suzanne Hanna: come out. And I think girls, especially because I work with girls, just feel disappointed in themselves because they think something's wrong with them for not being able to Sarah: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: adapt. And so a lot of my work with them is just understanding that they they are incredibly adaptable and to think about the stories that they've told themselves versus the reality and to how to, you know, not romanticize so much and how like college life is just life. It's just Sarah: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: life. And and my liz: Right. Suzanne Hanna: favorite quotation is wherever you go, there you are. So wherever you go, there you are. And so right Sarah: Yep. Suzanne Hanna: now, this, you know, you brought up the roommate issues, which is is very prevalent now, but also people want to transfer. It's like the transfer button has been Sarah: Yes. Suzanne Hanna: pushed. It's like, I hate this. I made the wrong decision. I want to leave. And like, whoa, liz: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: calm your jets, because wherever you go, there you are. So let's unpack and figure out what it is that's making you so unhappy and what where can we start, you know, to take baby steps to to feel better about the location. So yes, this Sarah: I am. Suzanne Hanna: is this is a pivotal kind of time, I think. Sarah: Yeah, and liz: Right. Sarah: I think to piggyback on what you're saying, I agree. was just thinking as you were describing, am I doing college right? Should I do this? Should I change roommates? Should I transfer? It is that time we're having to think about, should I adapt or advocate? Right? Which one do I need to do more of? And it can be a hard choice. Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. Absolutely. Sarah: There's not always a right answer. It's not always just Suzanne Hanna: Mm-hmm. Sarah: adapt and get used to it be flexible. But I think Suzanne Hanna: Right. Sarah: that how you go about listening to yourself at this point and not making assumptions about what you should or shouldn't do can actually help you answer that question better. Suzanne Hanna: Certainly, and there's a lot of hand holding in high school, no matter which high school it is, where kids are are constantly reminded when to turn things in, they're reminded of assignments. They've got their parents there, they've got coaches, ca guidance counselors. There's so many people in their ears that they don't really have to advocate for themselves often. Things are just kind of taken care in the home machine. So when they they land on campus, learning to advocate is such a a it's a beautiful life skill, of course, but it's just something that even the most successful kids have not necessarily had to do much. And so just something as simple as speaking to the person that works the front desk at your dorm have you taught ever talked to that person and just say good morning. How was your how's your day? I like your shirt. Sarah: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: always start start with a compliment and just learning to connect with that person because then when you get locked out of your room and you have to go advocate for yourself to try to get the key or get the key card, you've made a contact with the person who works there or know liz: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: somebody who you saying it's it's a there's the level of of learning how to advocate, it really does start at kind of elementary level when liz: Right. Suzanne Hanna: kids are in college. It's it's a it doesn't seem like it should be the case, but it but it is. And it's not the kids' fault. They've just been they've had really well buttressed machines that have, you know, helped them become who they are. Yeah. liz: Wondering a little bit if that, it's interesting when you were talking earlier about, navigating the relationship between moms and their girls in college. And I was thinking a little bit about if we could talk about some boundaries that get crossed, I think, with friendships or roommates. and I think advice that sometimes moms give, right? And then particularly with Girls that might struggle with setting boundaries, right? Not really feel like they have the language or their people pleasing, right? I you know, it makes me think about I had some difficult roommate challenges, but like food being left out that got like moldy. And my mom was like, Suzanne Hanna: Mm-hmm. liz: like call I'm your tuition, I'm getting it back. Like this, you can't live in these conditions, right? You know, like she was just like, pull the plug, we're done. You can't live like this, right? And so, and Suzanne Hanna: Pull the p pull the plug. We're done. Yeah. Yeah. liz: I think sometimes knowing like, okay, is this an annoying kind of thing? Should I just suck it up and deal with it? Or is this really alarming? should I actually be more assertive and advocate for myself? So what kind of boundaries are you kind of seeing crossed? And how do you help girls and maybe their parents navigate? Okay, is this like annoying and maybe you just kind of have to accept it? Or is this something that you should be more concerned about and set a boundary or a limit and learn how to communicate those? Suzanne Hanna: Yes. thank you for asking that question because I think it's it's an important conversation to have because the the boundaries are crossed way too much because of our phones and our constant communication and the ability to just, you know, pick up the phone and send your mom a text if you're uncomfortable in chemistry class because you don't understand the question or the guy beside you who has BO, right? Like it's almost like it's a it's a lifeline that is always used. And and I think moms too are going through the transition of of the empty nesting, even if it's just one kid that's left, you you know, still are missing your kid and you liz: Right. Suzanne Hanna: just have that need to help and to fix. And so it's it's a double-edged sword with with with social media and a mother's need to fix. And so I think with with girls especially, I'll use like sickness as an example because right now everybody has the dorm flu. liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: They're just just it's it's everybody's cough is we call it the crunchy cough. They get on and I'm like, gosh, go get a tissue honey. they're just they're they're Sarah: Ever. Suzanne Hanna: just gross and they can't get better. And so I have a lot of moms reach out to me on with DMs on Instagram and they're like, Suzanne, my daughter is so sick and she's been to the doctor and and what's she supposed to do? I want to go help her. And I'm like, Well, of course you want to go help her, but she's gonna be okay. She's gone to the doctor, she's gotten the medication. Just remind her that she knows the right decisions to make. She knows she needs to rest. She understands what she needs. And I think it's a lot of teaching moms how to trust their daughters. And it's not liz: Mm-hmm. Sarah: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: that they don't. They've just never had to. And when somebody else says you can trust her, nine times out of ten, the moms are like, my gosh, thank you. I'll do that. And I'm like, yeah. And I'm like, did I even say anything? But I did, you know, because it's like, I think it's just having like somebody to say, yes, you, you can do this. liz: Right. Suzanne Hanna: You can trust her. She is an amazing human. And she might not make the decision you would make moving forward, but it's the decision she wants to make. And let's support her in that decision. And if it is the wrong one, we'll just support her in how to make it better if necessary. So yeah. liz: Mm-hmm. Sarah: Yeah. I'm sorry to jump in, but I was actually just trying to think back to some of the decisions I would have made at 18 or 20 versus the ones I make now. And I do remember, like, I learned what I'm doing now because I made some good or bad choices in college, right? Suzanne Hanna: Yes. Mm-hmm. Sarah: So I don't even remember maybe what my mom said per se. I'm sure she gave me great advice, super supportive. You know, I knew I could call her any minute. But I definitely remember when I showed up for class having too much to drink the night before and still feeling sick, being like, Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. Sarah: I'm not going to do that again. Right. It was like Suzanne Hanna: Right. Sarah: never a quicker lesson learned. Right. My mom could have told me 400 times and Suzanne Hanna: Exactly. We learn Yeah. Sarah: I would have been like, sure, sure, sure. And then just one class where you're like, Suzanne Hanna: yeah. Sarah: my God, I took this exam and I still have a cough, the crunchy cough. So liz: Right. Suzanne Hanna: Yes. Yes, 'cause we learn Sarah: sure. Suzanne Hanna: from mistakes. And I think kids are so afraid to make mistakes because when they do make mistakes, somebody is looking at them with the phone, snapping a picture. And it's a Sarah: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: very public mistake. And so I think that's made them very paranoid about making their own decisions. And so it's it's working through that paranoia that is is they no wonder they have it. I mean, see it in my own kids and how they just kind of like in in social situations, they back off and they're like, Mom, are you really getting your phone out right now? And I'm like, What? 'Cause I don't I grew up with that one. I don't I'll make mistakes and not worry about it. But they just it there are a lot of social implications liz: Right. Sarah: Right. Suzanne Hanna: if that's the case. So I think they're they're scared. They're scared to make decisions, yeah. Sarah: Yeah, and sometimes I think it's their right to be more aware. And I think sometimes there's an assumption like everyone's phone is on me and that also might be Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. Sarah: an over anxious reaction. And so it's hard, you I do think that there's a lot to navigate, but a lot of times the people going through it are the ones who've been through it with you. So they have other people to ask or to check in with and kind of finding those trusted resources. But, you know, okay, so we have. sick and do I go to the doctor or not? Do I take some medicine of this type or not? And then you have things like, do I make a decision that will have lasting implications? Do I ask to have a different roommate? Suzanne Hanna: Right. Sarah: Do I transfer? So what do you guide people through for those situations where you kind of help them think, adapt versus advocate? What are the steps you want them to walk through? Suzanne Hanna: Yes. And so I I like to begin with my clients and and make sure that they have not left any stone unturned. Because I think when they look ahead, let's let's look at the story and let's have you land on the campus you think you want to attend. When you look back at where you are right now, what will you wish you had tried? Who w who do you wish you had spoken to? What office hours do you wish you had attended? What study group? you know, like liz: Okay. Suzanne Hanna: what club do you wish you had joined? And so Sarah: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: when they Lo do see it as a retrospect kind of thing. A lot of girls are like, I would regret having not joined the hiking club. And I'm like, liz: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: Well, maybe that should be something you do now. And then it almost it gives them the confidence to do it because they think about Sarah: Mm-hmm. Right. Suzanne Hanna: what they would regret. And so I don't know what it you guys would know because you've got your brilliant brains and your certifications and stuff, like what that is developmentally and what that means with their brains. But I think looking back. as a person that lives in the future, it really helps them understand. Like there's this campus in front of you that has so many opportunities. And people and every camp every I in my opinion, there aren't good colleges or bad colleges. I think all colleges can be good if you if you put in the work and try. Like every you every campus can be a wonderful place for anybody. I think liz: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: you can you can find your way. I mean, of course there are like the outlying situations, but I mean there's just there's a lot of opportunity available. And the retrospect view really helps girls kind of think, well, maybe I should talk to that girl I sit next to an econ because she's funny. And what if I ask her to go get a dirty soda after class and we can go over notes? And then they do it and they're like, she said yes. And I'm like, of course she did, because you're adorable and who wouldn't want to be Sarah: Okay. Suzanne Hanna: your friend? And and a lot of my conversations are just, you know, inserting confidence and belief. liz: Yeah, I was gonna say, I I think this is one of the things you do so well is the messaging around like you could be self-reliant, right? And that you that you have the skills to kind of do this, right? what do you see? How do you help? Cause I think we see this a lot, those are like kind of stuck points, right? Like how do we actually instill confidence? I mean, you're such like just your attitude and cheerleading. I can imagine being in a session with you and being like, you know what? I'm capable of doing that. I'm gonna go get that. I don't even know what Suzanne Hanna: I'm gonna get that thirty third. Sarah: because I wouldn't have ever come up liz: But what Sarah: with the Leave No Stone Unturned list. I'm kind of like, wait, what? liz: I know. But Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. liz: are there what what what when there is resistance, like what are you seeing? Like what qualities in girls are you seeing that lead to resistance to being able to do that? You know, whether it means like telling your roommate, your boyfriend slept here six out of the seven days, I can't do this Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. liz: anymore. You know, like so what what would you say are the stuck points for girls to actually fall through with building a life Suzanne Hanna: Right. Well liz: that they'd be happier on campus? Suzanne Hanna: Right. Well, they're hurt animals who don't want to get in trouble. And so they don't want their roommates to get mad at them and to tarnish that relationship. I'm I think I'm gonna use the hurt animals thing the rest of life. And but they they don't want somebody to get mad at them and they don't want to make a mistake and they're there it's there it's this fear of being wrong. I I don't know how to explain it any further. I get it's it's it's it's very simple. It's just just liz: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: wanting to do the right thing and not being able to do it and then and then fearing the reaction and the response. And I think because they a lot of kids in this generation have not had the practice of having open communication with another human to where they know they understand the give and take in conversations. And they understand that like you might say something in a very kind way. Cause I encourage girls to say it makes me uncomfortable when you have your liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: boyfriend over six out of seven nights. Because you may she you make it about you as the person that's uncomfortable and your roommate will take that as she takes it. You cannot control that. But she might get quiet or clam up or have some kind of reaction because she she knows what she's doing and she understands and she might feel bad herself that she has, you know, maybe like undermined your pact with each other that you aren't going to do that. Or whatever the case. But I think I think girls because they haven't had that practice with the give and take, when somebody doesn't respond the way they want them to immediately, liz: Right. Suzanne Hanna: they just freak out. And like we know you have Sarah: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: to give people time to process. And you have to give people time to understand it and then you revisit it later. And there's a lot liz: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: of fear with revisiting conversations. And I think that just comes from lack of practice having done it. So a lot of times, liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: like I tell like a lot of my clients, I'm like, okay, I'm daring you. I dare you to do something. And they're like, gosh, what? And what now? What are you daring me to do? But they always do it. And I'm like, I dare you to bring this back up with her. See what happens. Let me know. And I'm like, send me a text when it's over. Send me a text. And and so daring them works. It's gonna it's like it's like my my weird it's is this a principal brain where or I'm not I'm not liz: By the way, I love Adair. I love Adair. Suzanne Hanna: licensed and I can, can do whatever I want. It's I'm skinny. Sarah: We're like, all right, we're going to break it down at some point. We're going to really look to like, what are those social implications of a dare, of having them preview regret? We're going to figure all of that out on another episode when Lynn Liz and I have time to really dig deep like that. Suzanne Hanna: Yes. Yeah, I want I want you guys to dig deep. And then another thing I can give them what I call their not homework, because they hate homework. And I'm like, so your not liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: homework is to talk to your roommate and bring up liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: I'm uncomfortable when blank. Yeah. So I think that that's yeah, little challenges. liz: So I I love that. we call that in th in psychology like a behavioral experiment. We're like, let's just do a little experiment, right? Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. You guys are I love your fancy words. I'm like, I dare you. It's so funny. Sarah: Well, there's a reason so many people are watching your reels and not ours. Because Elizabeth and I are like, well, we can have you do an experiment, which would really be an exposure, and we can hypothesis test. And everyone's like, we lost you. But yeah, you lost us. liz: But I know. Suzanne Hanna: And I'm like, I love these words. Tell me more, ladies. liz: I know. Suzanne, though, but even when you just said that sentence, it's so simple. And Sarah was like alluding to this to your content, right? Where it's like you know, girls do a lot, we know this, they do so much overthinking, right? They kinda like overthink and they plan out and they like feel like they need to have the right words, right? Where it's just like Suzanne Hanna: Yes. liz: I feel uncomfortable with this. Like we have to find a different solution where your boyfriend's here maybe two nights a week instead of six, you know? Suzanne Hanna: Right. Cause then it makes it about you. And you're not blaming anybody for anything. You're not saying your liz: Yeah. Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: boyfriend's gross and I can't I have to sleep in a bra now because it's weird. it's like, because and you make it about you because you that's how liz: Right. Suzanne Hanna: you feel. I remember a a therapist came and spoke to our faculty one time and he said, How you feel is never up for debate. And that always Sarah: Yep. Suzanne Hanna: stuck with me. And I just feel like, you know, so when you're when you're sharing your feelings, it's it's you and it's not up for debate and it makes you uncomfortable. And the person then can do with that what they wish. And hopefully liz: Right. Suzanne Hanna: the roommate will be kind and accommodating. Sometimes they're not, but typically they are. And a lot of girls are unaware of what they're doing. And part of like what I talked about earlier with having practice with conversations, making people aware is really a a quality or like a life skill that Kids don't have to practice that much because things, it's like instant communication, instant, I don't know, liz: Right. Suzanne Hanna: that the back and forth, the giving and taking, that that skill set is not there. So just making somebody else aware of their behavior in a kind way really helps. And I think that that age group too can be so incredibly offended quickly. liz: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: As as are really most Sarah: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: people, honestly. Is it just that age group? I think it's everybody. But yeah. Sarah: We're all it's like no one ever, if you talk to somebody, they can be on the defensive and it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. when you said that they're worried about someone's Suzanne Hanna: Mm. Sarah: reaction, a lot of times I'll make their reaction isn't necessarily a sign that you communicated yourself. You communicated ineffectively or you'd said something wrong, right? Sometimes people reacting to Suzanne Hanna: Right. Yeah. Sarah: their own story, their own world. and it doesn't necessarily mean you have to, to pivot your, your style. but I kind of, Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. Sarah: was thinking while you were talking, the idea of like, truth and dare instead of truth or dare, right? Because you dare them to do Suzanne Hanna: Right. Sarah: something and then at the very least they'll find out the truth. either that roommate Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. Yeah. Sarah: is open to this more or liz: Right. Sarah: not and that's good information. But I think as I'm Suzanne Hanna: Right. Sarah: right, as I'm sitting here kind of listing out a lot of the things you're describing, which is like, it's okay to be wrong. There's not always going to be an all or none. You do it right or horribly. whichever way you do it. Typically there's some version of learning from that experience and going on to the next. liz: Mm-hmm. Sarah: But I, yeah, I also was thinking about this idea of like wherever you go, there you are, right? And so Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. Sarah: when it comes to making those decisions, this idea of like, okay, those things that you're gonna try in terms of like the no regret list are also things you're like, you're gonna have to. navigate a problem at some point. Transferring doesn't mean you're going to necessarily get a roommate of your dreams. Transferring doesn't necessarily Suzanne Hanna: Right. Sarah: mean you're never going to have to talk to a professor. Like all those things are things liz: Right. Sarah: you'll have to learn anyway, no matter where you are. So I love, I think that that has, it's really beautiful because yes, it's also, it's making sure they don't regret the decision, but it's also saying you're going to, liz: Right. Sarah: these are skills you're going to be needing to grow just to be Suzanne Hanna: Right. Sarah: a happy, fulfilled college student adult across the board. So. The double whammy. Suzanne Hanna: Yes, it yeah, and I think that really helps with the high school to college transition too. And I and you know how I found that out? I just remembered when I was I taught for three years at Salem Academy, which is an all-girls boarding school in West in Salem, North Carolina. I taught English. It was so fun. And I had a senior class and I I shared wherever you go, there you are, with one of the seniors because she was very nervous about transitioning to college. And she was the class president and she did the graduation speech and she was like And she's like, and a very wise woman once said, and I'm like, I didn't know it was gonna be that. She said, wherever you go, there you are. And I was like, my gosh, she thinks I'm wise. anyway, it was so funny. But I realized that day at graduation that that comment sticks with kids in liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: that age group. That that hit her. And the way she described it in that graduation speech, I was like, wow, she understood it way more. And and and and she almost like prophesized it the way she spoke to her fellow classmates about. learning to do that. And I was like, God, what a smart kid. this is so cool. But since then I knew like that that connects with kids. And that and any, I think any transition too. I've had to think about that myself when I, you know, left a career for 25 years and started my own business. Cause at some point I'm like, Sarah: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: this habit of this is right here with me. and so yeah. We're always there wherever we go. Yeah. Sarah: Yeah, think about, was just watching a coach as a Duke girls basketball coach I want to say, or I don't know which coach she talking about like. When everyone waits for things to get easier, when I get a better roommate, things will get easier in this situation. Or if I transfer, it'll get easier. And she was like, that's not how it works. You just learn to do hard better. You learn to be more efficient. I was Suzanne Hanna: yeah. Sarah: like, yeah, great. I love that idea. So all of Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. Sarah: these things, I think you're letting people do hard better the next time they have to manage a conflict. But yeah. Suzanne Hanna: I love that. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. Yeah. liz: Yeah, I was just thinking, I'm like trying to think how to wrap this up, but I I do want to reiterate something that like a like a a thread that was I keep like thinking about in our conversation today, which was that girls' feelings matter, right? And there's a way Suzanne Hanna: Yes. liz: to communicate them that can be done with gentleness and kindness, like if that's a value that's like important to you. And that regardless of the consequences of expressing how you feel, right? That it's it's good practice, right? And whether it's the moldy dish that my mom, was really concerned about, that she wanted me to Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. liz: just escape and avoid that roommate and find a new roommate, or it's something more serious, you know, a boundary or limit that's crossed, that to pay attention to like these alarms that kind of go off. so Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. liz: knowing the population of girls that you work with and if it's a mom or a college, you know, female themselves, I this is a hard like whenever I punt this question, but like, is there anything that you would really want them to leave with after our conversation today that you're like, you know, if there's this overwhelming, you know, overwhelmed, high achieving girl in college right now, you know, what would you want her to take away from our conversation today? Suzanne Hanna: Yeah, that i that is a good one, Liz. Goodness. well I think Think that we are so lucky as women to have this born intuition and knowing in our hearts. And I have yet to meet a female that doesn't have it somewhere deep inside of her. Some girls hide it, some girls don't, but I feel like that there is this knowing of what you need. And what you need is what you need, baby girl. Like it is not. liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: You don't have liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: to justify to anybody. You don't have to make excuses. You don't have to to push it down. It is what you need. And your life will be yours if you listen to that. And liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: a lot of times when girls are brave and and get kind of coached through how to go through a difficult situation, at the end, when we reflect about it, I love when girls are like, you know what, Suzanne, I'm so much stronger than I thought I was. Like I liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: knew and Sarah: Thank Suzanne Hanna: they'll say, I knew I needed to talk about this. liz: Right. Suzanne Hanna: I knew I needed to, but I was afraid and And I did. And so I think that Sarah: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: there's so much there girls just don't understand how sm how strong they are inside. And what and Sarah: Yeah. liz: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: and and it's it's beautiful when girls in this age group figure that out. Because for liz: Yeah. Sarah: Mm-hmm. Suzanne Hanna: me it took a lot of years. Like I think in my 40s I finally was like, wait a minute. Like I've I've got I know what I'm doing. And but I because I was always performing or doing something otherwise. And so liz: Yeah. Suzanne Hanna: and even the girls that perform and in the quiet. they they are starting to listen to themselves. liz: Mm. Suzanne Hanna: And to me, if we take that step, then we're gonna be okay. it makes my my bubbling cauldron calm when I think of it that way. Sarah: Hahaha liz: Wow. Suzanne, I could be here I mean Sarah: You're bubbly all over the place. Even you're like, Suzanne Hanna: Mm-hmm. Sarah: you know, when you get frustrated, you're, you're, you're bubbling. You're very bubbly in Suzanne Hanna: I Sarah: general. I love the idea of, know, what you need is what you need and that you can handle whatever comes. Thank you so much for this time. We're so grateful. Suzanne Hanna: Yeah. Well thanks for having me. liz: yeah. I mean I feel my my serotonin levels are just like through the roof. I feel confident. I don't know what I need to conquer, but I'm gonna be hearing your voice in my hat. thank you. So yes, yes. Suzanne Hanna: Go do it, sister. Go do it. Yeah. Sarah: Yeah. Suzanne in a bottle. If everybody could have something like that, the world would be in a big light. Thank you so much. Suzanne Hanna: Let's sell it. Thank liz: Thank you so much, Suzanne. Suzanne Hanna: you. I love spending time with you guys. Thank you. Sarah: Same.