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Do Narcissists Ever Feel Bad for Hurting You? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So do narcissists ever feel bad for what they do to you or what
• 0:04
  they put you through? Do they ever look back on their
• 0:07
  lives and be like, Dang, I really was horrible to them, I
• 0:11
  should apologize, I feel really bad for what I did.
• 0:13
  Is that ever a thought that crosses the mind of a
• 0:16
  narcissist? That's what we talk about today,
• 0:18
  y'all. If you're new here.
• 0:25
  My name is Lee Hammock, I'm a diagnosed narcissist and we're
• 0:27
  going to break it. Down you get, you get an inside
• 0:29
  look. At the mind of a narcissist and
• 0:32
  today's a holder is a green flag.
• 0:35
  So we're doing green flags today Yesterday we had red flags.
• 0:37
  We had a a caliper. We got a little things right
• 0:42
  here. Y'all we Yeah, but this is what
• 0:45
  goes on. So do narcissists ever feel bad
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  now let yeah, I got to preface this.
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  I got to put out the warning. Warning, do not go back to your
• 0:53
  ex regardless of whatever Lee says in this video.
• 0:56
  Warning do not listen to Lee and think that he tells you that you
• 1:00
  that you should forgive your narcissistic ex because they
• 1:02
  could feel bad for what they have done to you.
• 1:04
  Warning Lee Hammock says do not go back.
• 1:07
  To your ex. Based on this video alone, thank
• 1:10
  you so much for tuning in. I had to put that out there.
• 1:13
  I had to put the warning out there because I know if I don't
• 1:16
  there will inevitably be people that go back into toxicity
• 1:20
  because of videos like this. Because I'll do a video
• 1:24
  entitled. Do narcissists ever feel bad?
• 1:26
  Right. Do narcissists ever feel bad for
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  what they? Do and y'all some narcissists
• 1:31
  can they can. Some narcissists absolutely can
• 1:37
  feel bad for the stuff that they put you through.
• 1:39
  Now again, I said some I would say some narcissists might feel
• 1:45
  bad or regret later on what they've done to you or what they
• 1:48
  put you through. There are some narcissists that
• 1:50
  look back. They could look back and be
• 1:52
  like, damn, I really did a number on them.
• 1:55
  I'm a bad person. But.
• 1:57
  Yeah, I said that some of them could feel bad, but that doesn't
• 2:01
  mean that they're going to change their behaviors, that
• 2:04
  that's not what that means. That does not mean give them
• 2:06
  another chance. That does not mean that things
• 2:09
  are going to somehow get better. That does.
• 2:12
  That's not what that means. It does not mean give this
• 2:14
  person another chance. Well.
• 2:15
  Lee said they could possibly feel bad.
• 2:17
  But I should so I should reach out.
• 2:19
  Maybe they're waiting on me to reach out.
• 2:21
  No, no. Well, Lee, you sure bro?
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  You sure? She don't want me to reach out
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  if she feel bad, man, I want. I want her to just.
• 2:28
  I want her to know that I forgive her.
• 2:30
  And maybe. We could talk.
• 2:31
  No, no no, mainly because y'all. Just because they feel bad
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  doesn't mean that they're going to change their behaviors,
• 2:39
  right? Just because they feel bad
• 2:41
  doesn't mean that they actually have remorse or regret what
• 2:46
  they've done. Well, Lee, what the?
• 2:47
  Hell were you talking about? Let me tell you.
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  Just bear with me right here y'all.
• 2:51
  Just because a narcissistic person feels bad for what
• 2:54
  they've done to you does not mean they're going to change
• 2:56
  their behaviors. Because y'all mind to hear me
• 2:58
  say something similar to this before.
• 3:00
  Some narcissists do these mental gymnastics when they do feel
• 3:03
  bad. If they ever feel bad for what
• 3:06
  they do, some narcissists do these mental gymnastics in order
• 3:11
  to get rid of the guilt. In order to shake the guilt.
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  Off in order to just literally. Shake the get rid of the guilt.
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  They stop. They stop feeling bad.
• 3:20
  They do these mental gymnastics where they try to find a way to
• 3:24
  blame the other person for whatever has happened, To blame
• 3:27
  you for whatever you've been through, That's what.
• 3:30
  Happens here. They try to blame you for what
• 3:33
  has happened and what you've. Been through.
• 3:35
  They try to put it on to you so they don't feel bad for.
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  For very long. They say hey, this is your
• 3:42
  fault. Damn I do feel bad.
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  Dang, there was a bad thing that I did.
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  To this person. It was horrible of me to say
• 3:49
  this and horrible of me to do. That Dang, here comes the mental
• 3:53
  gymnastics. Who the the mind of a narcissist
• 3:56
  literally does a Simone Biles What do you call the Palmer
• 4:01
  horse? The Palmer horse What is that?
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  The Vault A bows 2A Simone Biles 2 they.
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  Do the double Pike. Imagine a narcissist mind
• 4:10
  feeling bad and then they take it, gets a running start and
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  does the double Pike the Simone Biles 2 right and it lands it
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  perfectly. It's mental gymnastics.
• 4:20
  They find a way to blame you. Dang I feel bad for cheating.
• 4:23
  I knew I knew I was wrong when I was cheating on him.
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  Damn I feel like a horrible person.
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  I'm such a bad person but wait a minute bows to wait a minute.
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  I wouldn't have cheated if they would have just been screwing me
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  giving me the cheeks 10 times a week like I asked for.
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  They only gave it to me 9. And 1/2.
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  And a half is when I tapped out early.
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  It's their fault, it really is. It's their fault.
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  I cheated. You see the mental gymnastics
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  will not allow a narcissist to sit in shame.
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  This is why narcissists don't change because they don't want
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  to sit in the shame. I'll do a longer video on that
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  right there y'all. I'll be y'all ever see me it's I
• 5:00
  inspire myself to do a video. This might going to be another
• 5:03
  video coming up. Why narcissists don't change
• 5:06
  because why why it's going to be like why they don't change,
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  don't change because narcissistic people don't want
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  to sit in the shame. I want to do a longer video on
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  that but they don't. Want to sit with it?
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  They can't sit with it, they don't want to.
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  So if they saw they feel bad and the shame starts creeping in,
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  they do whatever. It takes mentally to detach from
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  that. They do whatever it takes
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  emotionally. To detach from whatever they
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  have done to you or put. You through.
• 5:32
  That's the mental. Gymnastics that narcissists do
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  right there. That's the.
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  Space that somebody narcissists fall into right there, literally
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  right there. That's what happens.
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  That's what they do. That's literally what happens.
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  What goes on. So I say this.
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  I say that to say this as you're trying to heal and deal with a
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  narcissistic person, a toxic person.
• 5:51
  I want you to understand that the they're going to keep doing
• 5:54
  the exact same thing that they've always been doing.
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  Just because they feel bad doesn't mean that they're going
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  to change. That's not what that means at
• 6:04
  all. It just means they're going to
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  keep doing the same things over and over again because they
• 6:07
  don't want to sit in the shame of what they've done.
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  They don't want to sit in steeped in embarrassment or
• 6:13
  their feelings being hurt for what they've done to you, what
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  they've put you through, what they've said to you, how you
• 6:19
  know they don't want to sit with it.
• 6:21
  So if I don't want to, if I don't.
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  Want to sit with it right if I don't want to sit with?
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  What I've done to you. Then you see how I was thought
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  to blame you for it. And if I blame you for it?
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  That means I'll do it. Again, eventually.
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  Right if I shake loose. Of what I've done.
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  If I get rid of what I've done then it shake then it allows me
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  to escape. What?
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  How you? Feel it allows.
• 6:43
  Me to escape what's going on with you?
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  It allows me to get rid of that. Right, it allows.
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  Me to escape and get rid of that to get rid of you in the.
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  In these circumstances. That really is a big thing.
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  That's why when you go. Back to a narcissist.
• 6:58
  That's why when you go back to him, it gets worse.
• 7:01
  They've already done the mental gymnastics to just say, hey, if
• 7:05
  it's so bad, why are you still here?
• 7:08
  If what I've done to you is such a if I'm such a horrible person,
• 7:12
  if I'm so bad to you, why are you still reaching out to me?
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  Why are you answering my phone calls?
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  Why are you, why are you texting me back?
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  Why are you texting me first? Why are you reaching out to me
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  first? If I'm so bad, why are you
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  reaching out to me first? Make that make sense to me?
• 7:29
  Well, Lee, when? Because we.
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  Love them. Look, no sooner or later you're
• 7:31
  going to start you. You have to get to the point
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  where you realize that love isn't enough, because it damn
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  sure ain't enough for a narcissist.
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  You can love them to hail to the, to the, to hail them back,
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  and then to hail them back again.
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  Right. And they'll still be the same
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  person because they don't want to sit in the shame me.
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  Because so many people want to compare their partner to me, the
• 7:48
  narcissistic ex to me. I'm willing to sit in the shame.
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  I'm willing to admit that I've made an error, made a mistake.
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  I'm willing to do that is take this y'all this.
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  Is taking 2. Decades of practice.
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  Two decades of work. 10 years, like 8 years of therapy.
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  I've been putting in the work. I'm willing to sit in the shame.
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  I'm willing to admit I'm wrong. I am.
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  I'm, I have that. I have the ability to do that.
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  Most narcissists don't have that ability to just be like, well
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  damn, I am wrong. Damn I I have done wrong.
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  I didn't realize my scenario. Damn, I have done wrong.
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  Damn, I can't believe I've done this.
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  I can't believe this has. Happened.
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  Yes. This is the mentality that most
• 8:25
  a lot of narcissists face. It really is.
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  So as you're. Trying to heal.
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  And grow after you've dealt with a narcissist for a long enough
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  period of time. You'll start to understand.
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  Like damn they. It's kind of crazy.
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  They don't really feel bad, and even if they do, they'll rarely.
• 8:39
  Ever apologize and. Even if they apologize, it won't
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  be sincere. And it could.
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  It's a sincere apology it. Requires them to admit what
• 8:47
  they've done wrong, right? You have to admit what you've
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  done wrong. You have to actually experience.
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  Some actual remorse. And then give me a game plan on
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  how you going to how, how is this not going to happen again?
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  What guarantees do I have that this just won't happen again?
• 9:03
  In the future. How?
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  How can you guarantee me that this won't just happen again?
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  That this won't. Pop up again.
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  Guarantee me that you can't. Most people can't.
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  So when you're dealing with a narcissistic.
• 9:16
  Person this one that you got to understand.
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  They can't give you these guarantees.
• 9:19
  I'll promise to go to therapy then what?
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  What? What leverage?
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  Do you have to make sure that they go to therapy and they're
• 9:24
  open and honest with it? You see, So most of them don't
• 9:29
  feel bad. Like I said, I'll tell you how I
• 9:32
  feel bad sometimes, y'all, I have moments of feeling bad for
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  stuff that I've done a long time ago, like 20 years ago, I might
• 9:39
  have said something mean to someone, right?
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  And it pops up on my head while I'm driving down the highway and
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  I'm like, damn, I cannot believe I said that.
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  I'm so ashamed. The shame.
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  Comes hit, hits me 20. Years later, but.
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  The mental gymnastics also start to.
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  Kick in my mind be like well no, it really wasn't your fault you
• 9:57
  didn't do that you're my mind some bone BIOS too right?
• 10:00
  My mind will literally do mental gymnastics to the point, well,
• 10:05
  I'm just all crossed up. My mind is done it my mind has
• 10:08
  done some damage. I'm losing my mind going crazy.
• 10:11
  And I found a way to blame the person what happened to them 20
• 10:13
  years ago. But because I've done so much
• 10:16
  work, when the mental gymnastics started kicking, I take a deep
• 10:20
  breath and I realized they're like, OK, 20 years ago I was a
• 10:23
  different person. I'm not a bad person right now.
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  I've been doing work. I'm making up for my, my, my
• 10:28
  wrong doings. I'm making up for my errors.
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  I've, I've, I've stopped doing it.
• 10:32
  It's not me anymore. It allows me to sit with the
• 10:35
  shame and just to realize that, hey, this does not have to fully
• 10:38
  define who I am. That's why I'm able to sit with
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  it because I understand my old actions don't define who I am
• 10:44
  right now, right? I help millions of people,
• 10:46
  literally millions of people on social media deal with
• 10:49
  narcissistic abuse, help them heal through my one like through
• 10:52
  my just my platforms overall, just my videos.
• 10:54
  But also. Through my one-on-one coaching,
• 10:57
  through my own personal, my mental illness.net, my support
• 11:00
  group, the mental healers right? My channel memberships.
• 11:03
  Y'all join the channel membership, My behind the scenes
• 11:05
  vlog, You see me talking to my kids, you see me deal with my
• 11:07
  family and stuff like that. Behind the scenes vlogs and
• 11:09
  stuff, right? That's what I'm just talking
• 11:12
  about, y'all? This is the stuff that you have
• 11:13
  to understand how to deal with. Narcissistic people don't.
• 11:16
  Particularly feel very bad for what they've done to you or what
• 11:19
  they put you through. But that doesn't.
• 11:21
  Mean, like I said, that you should take them back if some of
• 11:23
  them do feel bad. I feel horrible for that.
• 11:26
  What I did to you, You don't. Like just listen to this right
• 11:28
  here y'all and I'm going to be done.
• 11:31
  Let's just say they cheated on you, right?
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  Because cheating, disease, or let's say they hit you.
• 11:34
  Let's say they. Hit you.
• 11:36
  You. Don't think I feel bad for
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  hitting you. You don't think I feel bad for
• 11:40
  two piece in you, your mouth, knocking your teeth out?
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  You don't think I feel bad about that?
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  You see? How does that sound?
• 11:48
  I feel bad for knocking your teeth out, but you shouldn't
• 11:52
  have made me. But you shouldn't have pissed me
• 11:54
  off. You see how you see what you
• 11:55
  did? You pissed me off.
• 11:56
  You know how to trigger my buttons?
• 12:00
  They will blame you for the stuff that they do.
• 12:02
  So even if they do feel bad, they won't sit with it.
• 12:04
  They won't sit in it and if they do sit in it, it won't be.
• 12:07
  They'll find a way to blame you for it y'all.
• 12:10
  Anyways, y'all thank y'all for making it this far.
• 12:12
  Hit the subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 12:13
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• 12:17
  screen. One of these videos YouTube
• 12:18
  said, hey, this video is perfect for you.
• 12:20
  Watch that video. Leave a like, leave a comment
• 12:23
  mental illness.net for everything else and I'm out
• 12:25
  peace.