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Headed West · Side Note...

• Melissa: To side note with Melissa, where personal stories spark deeper connections, conversations, and questions. Have you ever taken a leap of faith, made a bold decision or move, even if it seemed illogical or not practical? Perhaps the people around you that you trust were discouraging you from it. It's a cliche phrase, but it is important to think about these leaps of faith and why we should or shouldn't do them. And by definition, to take a leap of faith is to make a bold decision without knowing if it will succeed and trusting that it will all work out despite the risks. But isn't there some knowing? By definition, it says without knowing if we will succeed, but There is this inner voice or intuition that's telling us. And I feel like that is a knowing. And then also trusting that it will all work out. But call me an optimist, but doesn't it always work out? If nothing else, we don't have regret because we didn't not do it. We tried it. We took the leap of faith. Maybe the leap of faith didn't turn out the way we wanted or hoped, but We still learned from it. We still gained wisdom from it. Through the years, a lot of people have commended me on being brave or courageous because of the leaps of faith that I've taken. And I've taken, I would say, more than the average. But I don't really consider it brave for myself. For me, it's an intuition, an inner voice, a calling that's telling me to do something. If it's a true intuition. For me, it's not about bravery. It's about moving forward and just doing it. Let's talk about the leap of faith that I took in my early twenties. Welcome to Side Note. This is episode six. Before we talk about that though, we've got to recap episode five for some context and again remembering where I was mentally. So in episode five, I talked about how I was a first generation college student. I'd been the first one in my family to not only graduate high school, but to go off to college. And as an undergraduate student, I was an admissions counselor. It was my work study job. And that was divine intervention because I had realized that was the career that I wanted to go into was higher education. I really wanted to help other first generation and low income students. I graduated from CSU in 1998. I then got a job at NASA State College in higher education. But during that time, two significant things happened. One, I had a supervisor that was verbally abusive to the level of me and others who experienced it going to HR. Not exactly the experience you expect right out of college. And even more devastating than that was nineteen ninety nine, the Columbine shooting in Littleton, Colorado, we as admission recruiters would visit to recruit students. And that obviously had a huge impact on community and education overall. I left Mesa State and got a job at CU Boulder, the University of Colorado Boulder, which was a pivotal move. ⁓ and as a higher ed professional, this is where a lot of people wanted to work. It is the university in Colorado. And so I had a great job there. And so my career was moving along nicely. And then another big thing happened for me ⁓ in my mid twenties and that was that I got a divorce. I got a divorce from my high school sweetheart. Knowing that background, what do you think is the next thing I did? Well, I was gonna go west, that's for sure. But it took some reflection first. Now I had realized my new reality, but side note, when I got divorced, I was of course really sad. I went through a little bit of a depression. I had been married to my high school sweetheart, who I'd been with since I was 14. I'd never been with anybody else. I was extremely depressed based on how it kind of went down, so to speak. And ⁓ there was course some infidelity and that that broke my heart it just broke my heart but I was embarrassed and I was ashamed all I kept thinking was ⁓ my gosh I'm only in my 20s and people are gonna think ⁓ wow she's already divorced but I was only feeling that way for a few months And then I sort of remembered what my ex-husband had said to me w when we were married and I said, Do you think we could ever live in California? Now I already knew the answer to that question. But I think it was just a moment for me to think out loud. And of course he said, No, of course not. We would never go to California. California is crazy and people are weird. So ⁓ but I had this moment where I reframed my embarrassment and my shame. And I thought about when I had asked him that question and it hit me and I had an epiphany. And I thought, wait a second, yes, I am only in my twenties. I am young. I was so aware of my youth. And I have no children. I can do whatever I want. I can live wherever I want. And then I just had this vision of those palm trees that I saw on that back seat of that car when my parents took us to Disneyland when I was ten years old, when I thought I am gonna live here someday. And I had that vision and I remembered my new reality and it fueled me. It fueled me to do what I had actually always wanted to do. So I was gonna take this leap of faith. But I think it was a leap of faith, but given my family dynamics, you know, I really wasn't close to my family at that point. ⁓ we had sort of disconnected and my divorce. This was not only a leap of faith, this was a reset. This was an escape for me. And I was following a dream. That I'd always had. But I still didn't have family there. I didn't have friends. And California was not only a different state, it was like a different planet, actually, given my background and how I grew up and where I grew up. It was a different planet, socially, culturally, everything. And I was very naive regarding the cost of living. People had told me, but I just ignored it. And so I didn't have any place to live. I was just gonna drive out there and figure it out. And remember, like being a first generation college student in that first information session that I talked about, I didn't get overwhelmed with the details. I just thought one step at a time. And so I thought the same thing with this sleep of faith to California. I thought, don't think about everything that people are telling you. ⁓ it's California. ⁓ it's expensive. ⁓ you'll never this. ⁓ you'll never that. I didn't think about all of those details. I just thought, you know what? Get yourself out there. You want to be a writer, go where the writers are. You wanna do this, you wanna do that, go where it's happening. And so that's what I did so that I wouldn't get too overwhelmed. Now there were three things that I did to kind of prepare. For the trip, but it was more about helping me be accountable to myself to actually do it. I was thinking, like, I hope I don't get scared and change my mind at the last minute. So the first thing that I did was told my boss at CU Boulder that I was quitting and I was gonna give him a few months' notice. Now I'll never forget my boss at CU Boulder. His name was Kevin. He was a nice guy. But I knew characteristics of his personality. And ⁓ I knew what he would say. And ⁓ but I wanted to respect my time at CU Boulder and give them plenty of notice. So when I met with him, I said, I am giving you a few months' notice. This is gonna be my last day, you know. Told him how much I loved working there. And of course he asked why I was leaving. And I said, I'm moving to Santa Barbara, California. And he said, ⁓ why? And I said, Because I want to be a writer and that's where I want to live. I said, So you don't have a job lined up. I said, No, not not really. And he said, Well, that's the stupidest thing ever. And I said, I understand where you're coming from. I knew you would say that, but I'm still going. And I understand where he was coming from. He talked about how I was on the path to promotion at CU Boulder. This was great for a higher ed career. But I just knew that that's what he would say. And I just said, I appreciate that, but I'm not going to change my mind. This is going to be my last day. And so I put that out into the universe. I verbalized it out loud and it was accountability for me. I figured if I actually said that that boldly to this boss of mine that I wouldn't go back on that. It would be too embarrassing. The other thing that I did was I sold everything that I owned so that I would have some money to go to California. Now, keep in mind it wasn't a lot. I had an apartment full of things from when I was married. I had a couch, I had a table, an old clunky computer, microwave, couple of chairs. ⁓ but I think it was maybe twenty five hundred, twenty seven hundred dollars, something like that. I had some personal things for my wedding. I'll tell you what, I had a rum cake recipe from my ex-mother-in-law and took that with me. I had a pottery bowl that I got as a wedding gift for chips and salsa. Hey, priorities. Love that thing. Still have it to this day. And of course, I had my cat, Abby. And so I sold everything I owned. with a few exceptions and was ready to go to California. Now, the other thing is as far as a job, I did sort of have a job. But let me tell you the side note tangent story that is connected to that. And it's a crazy one, but stay with me. So let's go back a few years when I was still married. I was working two jobs. This was after I had graduated college. My husband then was in graduate school for physical therapy. I was working on the weekends as a florist and I was working during the week at Mesa State College as a recruiter. I was not happy. I was working a lot. I was questioning my marriage, not totally happy with it, but the idea and the concept of divorce was just in my young mind was not an option. And so I was thinking about this and one day the Oprah show came on. Now, mind you. I loved Oprah ever since I was in high school. I put her on a pedestal. Oprah, Oprah, Oprah. I loved her. And so this particular day, I was watching her show, not feeling good about my situation. And she had a guest on her show. She had a guest on her show who was an author, which of course I'm was a writer and dreamed of being an author and a writer. So that got my attention. And this author had written a book and it was a self-help book. In the nineties, self-help books were all the rage. And of course, where I was mentally, it was definitely something that I was interested in. This self help book had become a New York Times bestseller. And so Oprah was asking the author about the book. And I'm just in my living room sitting there watching this and just entranced, just in awe of this story. And I related so much to everything she was saying. And I thought, ⁓ my gosh, there's this author. She's a New York Times bestseller. She's telling her story. She's got this self-help book and she's on Oprah. Well, of course, the first thing I did was go out and buy this book. So then I read this book and love it, am highlighting it, taking notes in the margins, and thinking how I can implement these things in my life that she talks about in the book. And then at the end of the book, of course, there's the author bio, and she lives in this beautiful paradise called Santa Barbara, California. And so at the time I did something that I'm known for doing and I have done it through the years and still do it to this day, but I reached out to her. I Googled the website and sent an email and basically said, This is who I am, and I saw you on the Oprah show and I read your book and I loved your book and it just went on and on. And asked if they ever did book signings in Denver, because of course that's where I was living. Well, to my surprise and delight, they replied back. I was on Cloud9. They said they would be in Denver, they would like to meet with me. I mean, I honestly I was in a dream. I couldn't believe it. This author from Santa Barbara that was on the Oprah show, I was so starstruck. So they come to Denver, I get to meet with them. I am observing the whole thing that she's doing as far as the book signing and the speaking and talking with the readers and answering their questions. It was just it was dreamy to me. That's what I wanted to do. That's what I wanted to be. Now they talked to me personally one-on-one and they had asked if I would be interested in helping them do their workshops in Denver. Again, at the time I just was so in awe of them that I just kept saying, Yes, yes, I would love to help. And I didn't really understand what kind of workshops they were doing or retreats. It was kind of centered around the self-help stuff or life coaching. But I really wasn't paying attention to some of the details. I think it was one of their workshops in Denver and I did help with that. And there were things about the workshop that I was just uneasy about. It was training people to be life coaches or to reflect on their own life. Now keep in mind these were Californians and this was not the way that I thought about things. So fast forward to me getting ready to move to Santa Barbara, I reached out to them, which was appropriate because we now had this connection. And I said, I'm moving to Santa Barbara. Are there any jobs available at your company? So they hired me. They hired me to help with their workshops and trainings in Santa Barbara. Again, I didn't know a lot of details about it, but I didn't care. In my mind, it gave me a little bit more peace of mind that I was going somewhere that I didn't know and that I had a quote-unquote job waiting for me. Now, mind you, this was my first experience of the classic Santa Barbara job experience. This was a low-paying job as a ⁓ assistant, can you do this, can you do that sort of position for a famous person in Santa Barbara? And not a lot of structure. And of course, it's an hourly position at like $12 an hour. No benefits, retirement, health, none of that. I I said goodbye to that for sure. But again, I didn't care. I was on my way to my new life. So told my boss, sold everything I owned, kinda had a job, was so excited. The only thing that almost tripped me up the day that I was getting ready to leave and drive to California was my brother. And at that time in my life, I didn't have a lot of connection or communication with my parents. They were struggling in different ways. I was going through stuff. I mean I spoke with them, but it was few and far between. And we were as individuals and as a family unit, we were just struggling in different ways. And again, this was kind of my escape from that. But my brother, also dealing with some pretty traumatic things, had come to say goodbye to me that day. And his words were, You can't leave me. Now, as the oldest sister and he was my little brother. That almost tripped me up. But luckily, by the grace of God, I had this wisdom, I think, that came from being a child of an alcoholic. And I knew that I just had to do it. I knew I had to go and I knew staying behind wasn't not only gonna help them as a lot of children of alcoholics think their presence is gonna help. I knew it wasn't, and I also knew it wasn't gonna help me. ⁓ I had my own life to live. I had my own life to figure out and I deserve that. So that was a hard thing that happened right before I left. But I did, I hugged my little brother and I drove away. Now let me tell you, for the next eighteen to twenty something hours, I'm driving to California. I've got my car full and I've got days of reflection of my life. And it was such a beautiful time, this road trip from Colorado to California. Now, side note, I had this Toyota Camry that I had actually gotten a few years earlier when I was married with children in mind, which obviously was not going to happen at this point. But I was driving this Camry, it was full of personal items. clothes, I had this clunky old computer from two thousand one. I had my cat Abby. I had a blow up bed and I thought it would be easy to move around if I was gonna be moving around a lot in Santa Barbara. And this drive to Santa Barbara was amazing. When I hit California, specifically the 101, and I was driving along the ocean. I just felt like I was in a dream. I was in awe. I mean, I was giddies. Anybody who was passing me on the highway was probably like, Who is she talking to? And what is she on? Cause I just was Smiling and I felt free and I felt so happy. So the hills on the other side of the 101 ocean was on my left, the hills were on my right, they were green. ⁓ there were yellow flowers all over the mountainside. I mean, it was beautiful. So I arrived to Santa Barbara at like three o'clock in the morning. And it wasn't actually Santa Barbara, it was Montecito technically. If you aren't local to the area, you probably don't know, but Montecito is sort of a suburb of Santa Barbara. But Montecito is where a lot of the industry people live, the actors, the actresses, producers, directors, authors, Oprah. And when I saw the sign from Montecito, I I mean, even that. got me excited, like, ⁓ my gosh, I'm actually here. And, you know, it was in the middle of the night. So I exited San Isidro Road off of the 101. And I ended up driving on what's called ⁓ Coast Village Road in Montecito. And again, if you're local, you know, but if you're not, imagine this sort of little village where all the buildings are these Charming little businesses and bakeries and boutiques and it was like nothing I'd ever seen before. And then it had some jasmine and the jacarandas. That was the first time I saw the jacarandas because it was June and they were blooming. And so I was seeing these ginormous trees along the streets with purple blooms and bougain via. That was so such a bright pink, I couldn't believe it. And I just remember thinking, I will never leave Santa Barbara. This is where I will live forever. And that was the beginning of my love affair with a place that was ultimately out of my league. It was a love affair with a place. And if you've ever been there, you know why. So I decided to drive a little bit further into Santa Barbara and I find a coffee shop that, of course, is there to this day. It was an old gas station converted into a coffee shop called the Daily Grind. And I walk in, there are license plates all over the walls. And I think, ⁓ I'm gonna leave my license plates here. So as soon as I got my California plates a few weeks later, I put my Colorado plates up at the Daily Grind and they are still there to this day. So I sit down at the Daily Grind. I get a newspaper at the time. It was the Santa Barbara News Press. I had also looked at Craigslist. Who remembers Craigslist back in the day? So for Santa Barbara, Craigslist was very helpful. This is where I often found places where I had to live. And in my years of living in Santa Barbara, I lived in a lot of different places. So I could write a book just on the places that I've lived and the landlords that I've dealt with. But I was also looking through the Santa Barbara News Press. Now, I was like shocked. What what's going on with these prices? What what am I not understanding here? I I couldn't believe the cost of an apartment. And I'd never lived with anybody else except for when I was married, but I'd never had roommates, not even in college. But I didn't care where I had to live because every time I looked around me, there was the Santa Barbara Mission and the Santa Barbara Rose Garden right across the street. So I ended up finding a room to rent and a house, a cottage, of course, a cottage at Santa Barbara, with five other people. Two men and three women. Again, I didn't care. I was ready to go. I had my blow-up bed, I had a clunky computer, and I had my cat Abby. Nothing else mattered. And a few thousand dollars with me. So I found a place to live. And I was gonna start my job, this little job with this author. Now, here's what also happened. During that time, I wanted to maximize my time. I had reframed my reality. I was very aware of my youth, timing, my second chance at life, pursuing my dreams as a writer and God only knows what else. And I was going to maximize my time. And one of the things that I had been wanting to do as a writer. was I'd wanted to write a book for first generation college students. I'd been thinking about it for several years, just based on my own experience. And nothing complicated. I just wanted to write a little handbook that went through the step-by-step to-dos of admissions, financial aid, how to choose a major. And so I started doing that. And it was called The Little College Handbook, Mapping Your College Dreams. And I had a glossary of terms in the back, of words that when I was younger, I didn't know what they meant, and a step-by-step guide on how to get through these different times in college. And then I sprinkled it with my own personal stories. And I self-published it. Now, back in the day, self-publishing was just really starting to take off. It still had to had sort of a negative connotation to it, but it was still what got me started. And so I'd worked on this book and I self-published my little college handbook, Mapping Your College Dreams. When I got my first box, I was living in my little cottage and I got the first box of books that I printed. I was just like actually having this physical book in my hand. was dreamy to me. My dreams were already coming true. And at the same time, I was working for this author. And on a daily basis, I was going into this office and observing how they were doing things with the books. And then I'd met two other friends, Marjorie and Sarah. And they were kind of like me. They weren't originally from California, but they had moved out to California because they too had dreams of California, things that they wanted to do. But I bring them up because we all started to see these things that were a little bit red flags for us in working for this author and her sister. Now again, our job was to answer the phones, answer questions regarding these workshops and retreats and life coach training. It was a different way of thinking. Now, again, for context and perspective, I was a small town Colorado girl who didn't get these concepts of manifestation and people talking about the energy of something. That was very woo-woo to me. I was also pretty traditional thinking. I wasn't raised in a religious family or a Christian family per se, but that was still sort of my mindset. So anything outside of that could have been like a little weird. there were things that were red flags, and it wasn't just for me, it was for Marjorie and Sarah also. Now I was starting to feel like I don't want to convince these people to go to this workshop if they don't want to go. I don't want to force these people to stay at this training if they've decided mid-training that this isn't for them and they want to walk out. I don't want to make them stay. So it was feeling a little cultish to me. I had just moved to California. This was sort of a dream job working for a New York Times bestselling author who was on the Oprah show. And I was starting to see things like, hmm, but I was like, ⁓ well, you know, this is just different. Maybe it's just me needing to learn. But then the that inner knowing was like, no, no, no, no, it's more than that. And so I actually was brave enough to talk with the author and her sister about this. So I expressed my concern and the way that I said it was I was putting it more on me. I said, you know, I just don't know if this is the right fit for me and I exaggerated a little bit. I was taking the brunt of the this isn't comfortable to me by saying that I was more traditional and religious and this felt too different for me. That wasn't entirely true. That was just sort of me trying to Make it easier to get out. As if they were saying, okay, yeah, you're right. You're too religious or whatever. You're we're not a right fit. But that didn't quite work. And so then what happened after that was really bizarre. When I essentially had said, I don't think this is the right fit, I'm really uncomfortable by some of the things that we have to do and say. And those were my words. I was brave enough to say that, even at that young age. Something strange happened. The sister invited me to their house. Now, mind you, the author and her sister knew how starstruck I was. Remember how I'd met them, how I had emailed them, how I said I saw you in the Oprah show, how I said I live in Denver, and I helped them with a workshop in Denver. They knew how starstruck I was and my mindset. And so the sister invited me to their house. So I I thought there was that inner voice that's thought, well, this is weird. But then I was still of the mindset like, ⁓ my gosh, this is the author who was on Oprah, and they're inviting me to their house. So I go to their house. Now, side note, famous people like authors in Santa Barbara live in normal houses and normal neighborhoods. I mean, don't get me wrong. They're beautiful neighborhoods and they're beautiful houses. They're kind of quote unquote normal. These houses in these neighborhoods in Santa Barbara are millions of dollars. So it's not like I'm going to a mansion of an actress in Montecito. Nevertheless, I'm driving in this neighborhood. I get to their house. It is beautiful. I'm starstruck. I walk into the house. I'm telling you, it's like they had this whole thing planned. They were. playing on the TV with probably at the time a DVD of the author on the Oprah show. They were playing that on the TV. You know, so of course I saw that and it struck me because I remembered that feeling like, ⁓ yeah, that's right. This is who I work for. And now I'm in her house and ⁓ yes, I remember that show. And so the sister said, ⁓ yeah, we we thought you'd like to see this to r To remind you who you're working for, to remind you of how special we are and how special the organization is that we have that you are working for. I mean, we're talking manipulative. And I knew it. Okay. The hair on the back of my neck was like, what the hell? But I gotta tell you, I'm a curious cat. I still was a little starstruck, right? So I'm in between worlds of what the hell is going on. ⁓ my gosh, that's right, you're so and so. And also what the hell is going on. Then they offer me some tea. Now you think I'm making this up. I'm telling you, it's insane. But here I am today to tell you the story. So all turns out fine, right? Obviously. I'm thinking in the back of my mind, like, do I wanna drink this tea? Like, I'm already kind of freaked out, but I'm going along with this whole thing. I'm also feeling a little bit like I think I'm in danger. And I need to not let them know that I realize I'm in danger. I am a child of an alcoholic. I can feel this shit going down and I'm gonna take care of myself. I sit there, so they offer me some tea to sit there in the living room and watch this old video of the author on TV, on the Oprah show. Well, I'm not joking ya. I think I passed out. Cause I can't really remember from the time I was sitting there to I must have fallen asleep. I'm not saying there was anything in the tea. Maybe I was just really tired. I don't know. But that's what I'm telling you. Now when I woke up. They were there and they said, We want to talk to you a little bit more about your feelings regarding the organization and your place. And we just we want you to feel comfortable and we don't want you to leave. And I again I'm just like, okay, this is getting more and more weird. This is getting freaky. But I didn't want to let them know that. Now why I didn't just flee at that point, I don't I don't know. I think I was just maybe in shock or still curious. I don't know. Now, at that point, they also manipulated and said, ⁓ the author is working on her second book, and we have the manuscript, and we would love to have you read it. And we want to know your thoughts. What do you think? Now, part of me was like, wow. ⁓ my gosh, how cool. They want to know what I think. But I was also, again, smart enough to go, okay, you don't care what I think. Like you're a New York Times bestselling author. I'm a 24 year old who you just hired from Colorado. Something's weird here. I pretended essentially to be excited. And then it goes on, I'm telling you. Then they offer for me to spend the night. And the way they frame it is, now we've got this special guest bedroom. We want you to spend the night. It's kind of late. It's getting late. I'm sure you're tired. Just stay here. And we're gonna leave the manuscript on the nightstand. And, you know, you just go ahead and go to sleep here. And I just again, I was like, what is going on? And in my head, I'm thinking, what are they doing? This is weird, but I didn't want to convey any of that. So I accepted their invitation to spend the night. And let me tell you, I laid in that bed for a couple of hours waiting for the right moment, you know, when I figured everybody was asleep. And I got up in the middle of the night and I fled. I couldn't believe what had just happened. And so After that, I had sent an email and I just said, thank you for the opportunity. I have realized that this isn't for me, and I'm giving you my notice. I am no longer going to be working there. And I kept it short and sweet. I mean, that happened. It was so bizarre. And shortly after that, Marjorie and Sarah had also quit. And of course I told them what happened. And if you can imagine, here I am newly in Santa Barbara, California. Now I don't have a job. I'm starting to rack up, you know, my credit cards. I'm using it to buy groceries. I was short on rent. So I took out cash. I was still making payments on the damn Camry. I was starting to stress out. Now, this was the beginning of my financial crisis that would last years. So after that. Marjorie had gotten a job with another author, and this one I can give her name because she's lovely. ⁓ her name is Kate Ludaman, and she has a company called Worse Ethic, and I believe she's actually originally from Texas. She was also a best-selling author, successful business consultant, and had several books published at the time. So Marjorie had gotten a job with Kate Ludeman, and Marjorie said that Kate was looking for an assistant. So I started working for Kate Ludamin. Now, side note, again, sure I worked for the first author and she ended up being kind of a cuckoo bird cult person. Now I'm working for a second author and sure I'm just her assistant. I mean, literally going to Nordstrom buying things, underwear and makeup and stuff. But I at this point, it hadn't even been a year and I had already worked for two authors, observing, listening, manifesting. God forbid I use the California word manifesting, which I had come to learn to do quite well. And so I was the assistant to Kate Ludeman. And was so much fun because she had this little BMW sports car, you know, the the two-door one that's a convertible. It was a Her coise. It was so 90s. She would let me use that when I would run errands. I would also clean around the house or prep some meals once in a while. I was also just trying to make things happen. And so I did what I had always done and did through the years. And I contacted the Santa Barbara News Press and I said, I am the author of the Little College Handbook. Would you like to do an article about it? And so they did. So now I Had an article in the Santa Barbara news press about my book. And there was a picture of me holding my book. At the same time, I was learning quickly that normal people don't have just one job to live in Santa Barbara. Normal people have to have two or three or four jobs. So I got a second job at Girls Incorporated, which is a nonprofit in Santa Barbara. And I believe they're Motto is helping girls to be strong, smart, and bold. And so they've got this great program for girls and after school programs. And so it was aligned with the experience that I'd had before in helping underrepresented students. I specifically worked with the after school program. They called it Tribe at the time. And Tribe was actually focused on boys and girls. And we would take our little girls' ink vans and we would drive to the houses of where the students were living, usually neighborhoods that you don't think of in Santa Barbara, but this is a big population in Santa Barbara, low-income students. We would drive and pick up the students after school. Oftentimes their parents were still working. And so we brought them back to Girls Inc. where they would Get help with homework and do sports and after school activities. It was a great program. So I was working for Kate Ludaman. I was working for Girls Inc., I had my little college handbook. Things were pretty good. Struggling financially, but things were pretty good. And then the Santa Barbara News Press editor contacted me and said, one of the readers reached out to me. They read the article about you and they would like to hire you as a private college consultant. Now I had heard about this before, but it kind of had a bad reputation because sometimes private college consultants were doing more of the work than they should have for the college applications. But if you were doing it correctly, you were just a coach. You were just there to guide them, to help them. And this really resonated with me. They're very interested in hiring you and they were wondering if I could give them your phone number. I said, Absolutely. But then the editor said, I just want to give you a heads up. This is kind of a high profile person in our community. I said, ⁓ They said it's Susan Bridges. I had to think about that for a second. Susan Bridges. I said, as in Jeff Bridges? He said, Yes. It's his wife and they have three daughters. And they read about your book and she would love to hire you to help her daughter. She wants to go to see you Boulder. That's what I did. And it was wonderful. She was the sweetest woman. The daughter was unbelievable. Honestly, didn't need my help. She was a great student, would have gotten into CU Boulder, no problem, but I think was just having anxiety about it because it was out of state. It wasn't in California. And here was this person that had just moved to Santa Barbara that had just written a book about college and had just worked at CU Boulder. So it seemed a little bit of divine intervention to both of us. And so it was a lovely experience. Then I realized, wait a second, I have all these contacts, not only now in Santa Barbara, but from when I was working in higher ed, I should have reviews of the little college handbook. So I mailed my little college handbook out to my former director at Colorado State, Mary Onteveros, to the people that I knew at University of Colorado Boulder, CESD, Mesa State, now Kate Ludeman, bestselling author, and now Susan Bridges, the mother of a college student. And I had them read the college handbook and I had them write a little review. And they were glowing reviews. I printed those at the beginning of the book. So things were pretty good. Now, again, keeping things in perspective, I was still very challenged financially. But I had two jobs, working for an author, working for Girls Inc., I was serving the community inc, was connected with the staff, in particular three students that were junior high girls, and I'd met their families and I just really appreciated how hard these girls were working, the background that they came from, and how interested they were in their academics. And then one morning I wake up and if you can imagine, I had this blow-up bed that actually had a small leak in it because of my cat. And so I would start with a blown up bed when I went to bed and by the morning it would be deflated and I would be on the floor. So There I was one morning laying in my deflated blow-up bed, and my roommate came in. Now, mind you, I'd gotten to Santa Barbara in June of 2001. And in the few months I had self-published, I had quit a job with an author, got another job with an author, got a job at Girls Inc., had worked with Susan Bridges, and my roommate came in. And she had panic on her face. I was half asleep. And she said, A plane hit the tower. I said, What? What tower? She screamed, We're under attack. And I w I was like still half asleep trying to figure out what she was talking about. And then they turned on the TV and of course the rest is history. We all remember where we were, what we were doing when that happened. And of course So many just negative bad consequences, just one after another, after that terrible, terrible event. The economy tanked. I lost my job at Tribe at Girls Inc., they lost their funding or the program closed and all of us staff lost our job. When this happened, I was concerned about the students, because now they had no after school place to go. In particular, those three students I'd really connected with. So I had this wild idea. And there was this private school in Santa Barbara called Laguna Blanca. And it was in a very wealthy community neighborhood called Hope Ranch. It's a community near the ocean. It's also where a lot of authors and celebrities live. Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup for the Soul lives in Hope Ranch. I have a story about him, which I'll share another time. So I went to Laguna Blanca. I met with the dean of students at a private school. I said, This is who I am. I explained my background in higher ed, my work with underrepresented students. I mentioned my book because now that is something for me that I can talk about in situations like this. I told him about my experience at Girls Inc. I said, I'm curious about your diversity. Here at Laguna Blanca socioeconomically. Now, of course, it was a private school in Hope Ranch. So we're talking these kiddos drove to school in BMWs. The tuition was, I don't even know how much, but a lot of money. I didn't even realize people actually pay money to go to junior high and high school, but that's what it was. The dean was great. He said, you know, we really don't recruit for diversity effort. We would be open to it. And I said, Well, here's the thing. And I explained to him the students that I'd worked with, would you ever provide scholarships for students? And he said, Yes, but they would have to be interviewed just like the other students and they would have to test just like the other students. I said, Yes, of course. I I agree. ⁓ if I brought those students up here for testing and interviews, he said, Absolutely. I said, if they got in and they passed, would you offer scholarships? So, well, you know, I'm gonna have to talk to the other Board members about this, et cetera, et cetera. But they agreed. And so it turned out I took two students. At this time, I wasn't naive to this, to the dynamics of this idea. I said to the students, this is different. This is not public high school. This is different. And here's why. And you're going to stand out. But here's the possibilities and the opportunities. Smaller classes, college planning, more one on one, more strict academics. And one of the students in particular was for it. She ended up testing and interviewing, did quite well, which was not a surprise to me, got admitted, and she went to Laguna Blanca. And every year I checked in with her. I asked, How's it going? Well, what's this like? What's that like? And there were the expected challenges. She continued and she ended up graduating four years later from Laguna Blanca. She had gotten awards at Laguna Blanca. She worked her butt off. She ended up going to USC. She double majored at USC. And for years, as I was watching this young lady grow up, go through high school, go through college, always connected with her, checking in. How are things going? I mean, it was it was a lovely gift to see this unfold. Now, this is definitely side note. Years later, this woman was then in her, I think, late twenties, early thirties, had gone back to Santa Barbara. She had graduated from USC, had a girlfriend, and wanted to meet with me and We caught up on life and she shared with me that she was applying to graduate school to be licensed therapist. And she was applying to graduate school there in Santa Barbara. And so wrote her a letter of recommendation. I mean, it was such a beautiful gift to see this. Fast forward from there, a year later, she had a serious girlfriend. She and her girlfriend invited me to dinner. Now she was in her thirties. At this dinner, it was just so heartfelt and said, That she wanted to thank me for everything that I'd helped. She said, You're the one that did it. It was your hard work. Then she shared with me that they had gotten engaged and she wanted me to officiate their wedding, which would have been a year later. Of course, I was delighted and excited and happy and just thrilled. I think it was maybe a year later. Unfortunately, I got a random Facebook message that said, I read one of your posts, I think you're a racist, and I think you're harmful to my family, and I never want to see or talk to you again. No dialogue, no chance for discussing nothing. And it was heartbreaking, but I respected her as an adult. And I respected her as a woman who could speak her mind and tell me what she wanted and what she needed. Now, was I disappointed in how she came to that conclusion and why and all of that? Yes, I was. But it just happened that way. But that was what happened with that student who I had met. working at Girls Inc. when she was just in junior high. And now here I was, nine eleven happened. I couldn't find a job. Nobody was hiring. I kept working with Kate Ludeman as an assistant. And then something happened. So Kate had said, I'm taking a vacation. I'd like for you to stay at the townhouse. It was a beautiful townhouse on the beach. You open the Doors facing the ocean. You could hear the waves crashing. I mean, it was beautiful. She said, I want you to stay there, do this, do that. And by the way, there's going to be some guys coming by to fix something. Now, these guys I had already met because they were working around the house when I had been there before. And side note, I worked as a pampered chef consultant in college. It was one of my mini jobs. And I was very good at it, by the way. But I bring that up because I had these recipes that I had learned and I made some of them for Kate when I would prep meals and stuff like that. And I'd made homemade lemonade because of course she has a lemon tree. And I had the best lemonade recipe from Pampered Chef. So one of the times I'd shared some of this food and lemonade with the guys that were working in the house. Fast forward when Kate went on vacation, I was staying at her place, and one of the guys showed up. She said to me, They will be there on this day at this time to do this job. Well, I was surprised because when I opened the door and it was this guy that I was familiar with, because he had been there before, it wasn't the day and the time that Kate said. And again, the the hair on the back of my neck stood up. Even though my intuition said, Don't let him in, I thought naively as a young woman. Okay, come on, Melissa, you know this person. He's been in here before to work. He's he's pretty convincing. Just let him in and do his thing. So I did. Now, let me just tell you right away, nothing terrible, terrible happened, but it could have. So what proceeded to happen was I was in the kitchen prepping meals, kind of just like a scary movie. I had the refrigerator door open and I was putting things in and taking things out. And when I closed the refrigerator door, he was standing there. And I knew instantly that I was in trouble. There was an island in the kitchen, but I just remember quickly positioning myself on the other side of the island. And he had gotten to me close enough to where he cupped his hands around my face and ran his hands down my body alongside my body. And I just freaked out. And quickly ran around the island again, fast enough to where now he was on the other side. So every time he moved, I moved. I was just thinking in my head, like what can I say to get him to leave? And so then I made up the story that somebody was planning on coming over and they were gonna be coming over. So he should go out the side door. This went on for maybe five minutes or so. He went out the side door. As soon as he went out that door, I locked it. And it was just in time because as soon as I locked it, he tried to open it again. Then I ran to the front door and I locked that door. Of course, I called Kate right away and told her, and we called the cops and reported it. So you can see that within a year of me taking my leap of faith, it wasn't actually panning out exactly the way I thought. And these crazy things had happened. And yet These really good things had also happened based on just me working for authors and publishing my book and working for Girls Inc. and helping the students at Laguna Blanca. But there was a lot of bad stuff that happened. Colt author, 9-11, the guy who tried to sexually assault me. I couldn't find another job after 9-11. Working for Kate Ludeman was not enough. And I'll tell you what, I wasn't about. To go back to Colorado. That was not part of my plan. And not once did I regret my decision to move to California. Not once. I was still determined. Okay, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Now remember in my other episodes, I talked about not killing the messenger. Remember when I talked about how I was a spa health writer, aesthetician teacher, and I got laid off my full teaching job? And I got skin cancer and I had to move to Wyoming to live with my mom temporarily in my late 30s. But it was during that time that I wrote Cowboy Dad. So here I was, don't kill the messenger. Okay, what are you gonna do now, Melissa? So there I was about 25 years old. It was the tail end of 2001. What did I decide to do? I only got three questions this week about the episode, but one of them I was expecting and the other two I wasn't. Let's actually talk about those first. They are in regards to my ex husband and dating. The first question is Did your husband listen to you about the Mesa State abusive supervisor? And so I think what you're asking is, did did I tell him about it and was he supportive? Yes, I did share with my husband then about the stressful situation that was going on at Mace Estate, but he was not supportive. He really wasn't that kind of husband or person. And his dad wasn't either. So, I think he was a lot like his dad. So I was disappointed, but not necessarily, you know, expecting him to help me or try to give me a solution. I do just remember sharing it with him and feeling really alone because there was no support behind that or what can we do or what should we do? And so it was just another example of me feeling alone and then ultimately needing to figure out what to do on my own. ⁓ so yes, I did tell him and no, he wasn't that kind of a husband. ⁓ the second question was about dating and if I dated after my divorce, because I did mention in the episode that I was only with my ex-husband. So he was my high school sweetheart. Started dating when I was 14 and then we got married. And so yes, I did start dating, but not for a while because I was really nervous about dating. I had never done that before. I didn't know what that looked like. I mean, I had grown up in a small town and started dating my high school sweetheart, and then I was with him all of high school and college. And then we got married. So, but When I was working at CU Boulder, I had a really great supportive group of friends. They were kind of in this community of rugby players. And so they had introduced me, I remember, to somebody that I'd gone on a date with that was a rugby player, and that was kind of fun. And then I actually a few months later started dating somebody seriously. It was About a year after my divorce, I think it was around the same time that my ex-husband was getting married to the woman that he'd actually met when we were still married. And so this person was also working in the office of admissions with me. And he was just a beautiful human. He was like the perfect person to be dating after a traumatic divorce. And but Even though it was serious and I really did love him and he loved me, I was still determined to do these leaps of faith that I was planning, like ca going to California being one of them. And so I wasn't about to make decisions based on a man again or, you know, keep let that keep me from not moving forward. And so we didn't stay together because I moved to California, but he was a wonderful human. And his name was Matt Lopez. The other question that I got that I was expecting is what about your college debt? So in the last episode, I talked about how I have a hundred thousand dollars in college debt, and it is a lot. I am definitely of the belief and the mindset Said that you should pay back your college loans. You absolutely should. And I hope to do that someday. I could definitely be on the side to argue why I shouldn't and why I was in a place of. being less fortunate and I didn't realize and then I couldn't find jobs through the years in California. All of that is true, but it's kind of really in the victim mentality. So it doesn't serve me and it hasn't served me through the years. So I can't really say, ⁓ but I shouldn't have to, because that doesn't help anybody. I am of the mindset that I took out these loans. And despite what I understood or didn't understand as a first gen low income student, I am still responsible for paying those back. Now again, I can definitely give myself some credit and slack through the years of just looking back at my history and all the things that have happened, not only as a first generation college student, but the divorce, ⁓ financial crisis that would come later, moving to California, losing jobs. I mean, I couldn't even pay my bills, let alone my college loans. So my college loans have almost always been in forbearance or deferment. And in the younger years, I think I got encouraged by maybe this person or that person that were running for president. And in their campaign they would say something about how they were going to help with the college loan debt situation. But I learned that that never panned out to be anything. And so it's just, yes, I give myself credit for knowing I had a very difficult ⁓ last 25 years and could barely pay my bills and have deferred my loans. But I know that it is my responsibility and I do hope to pay those off. And quite honestly. When Cowboy Dod becomes a movie in twenty twenty nine and I get an Oscar for best screenplay adaptation, I mean, I'm thinking then I will definitely have the money to pay off my college loan debt. So there's that. I'm not too worried about it. Anyway, thank you for your questions and keep sending them my way. ⁓ comment or send me a private DM and I will be sure to include them in the next QA. Thank you so much for listening to Side Note with Melissa. If these stories resonated with you, please share this episode with a friend. Don't forget to subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or YouTube, and feel free to leave a comment. You can also follow and connect on my Instagrams, Side Note with Melissa, or June Bloom Lavender. And I hope my crazy convoluted stories made you laugh, smile, and even reflect on your own chapters. This podcast is brought to you by June Bloom Lavender, a lavender speakeasy in the Texas Hill Country. June Bloom specializes in handcrafted lavender gifts and a premium skincare line made with lavender harvested each summer by owner Melissa Broughton, that's me, in Santa Barbara County, California.