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Unlocking Your True Self · Candid Coach Conversations

• 0:00
  Good morning and welcome to Candid Coach Conversations.
• 0:03
  I'm Kimberly Boyd, founder of Live Life Fully, and today I have with me Tiffanie Hughes, Certified Live Life Fully coach.
• 0:10
  Hey Tiffanie!
• 0:13
  So glad you're here.
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  I'm so curious, Tiffanie.
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  What are you most excited about in life right now?
• 0:18
  Thank you for asking.
• 0:20
  I am really excited.
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  I am actually doing a talk next week in London about a framework that I've created called the ReU framework or method.
• 0:28
  name is still in the ReU is going to be it.
• 0:30
  And this is a framework that I love to use with working with people, specifically women, but I think it really applies to all people.
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  when trying to talk about identity, so many.
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  People go through different transitions in life, right?
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  We we go from childhood into adulthood, we go to college to graduate, right?
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  As early as that, we we change careers, we become wives, we become fathers, we become, you know, all the things, right?
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  You're always transitioning.
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  And sometimes in these transitions, we lose sight of who we are, right?
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  We go on autopilot, we might behave in ways that have felt safe.
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  Right.
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  And aren't always authentic to who we are.
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  Right.
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  Sometimes it's easier, right?
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  Sometimes it's easier to go with the flow to make everyone happy than it is to look inside of yourself and say, what is it that I need?
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  Me as a woman?
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  What does the woman need?
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  Not the mother, me, right?
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  Not the the wife, me, not the daughter me, but what does me as the woman need?
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  And so this framework is a very, very slow.
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  Right.
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  It's a very slow step-by-step framework to kind of start to explore what identity looks like.
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  Right.
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  And living in that identity.
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  Right.
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  It doesn't tell you what your identity is.
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  It just allows you to begin that exploration and asking yourself, who am I and what am I doing?
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  So the framework goes awareness, adaptation, identity, intuition, intention, and integration.
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  And so each of these steps serves a purpose.
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  The first one is awareness.
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  And awareness looks like someone asking you to do something.
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  And your immediate response is, yes, of course, because me, I'm the people pleaser and I'm the strong one and I'm the reliable one.
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  So of course I'm going to help you.
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  The awareness comes from, well, actually, right?
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  You're having these inner thoughts.
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  I don't really have the time.
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  I really
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  Don't have a lot of energy to put into this.
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  And I just said something that was outside of what was real, what was my truth.
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  Right.
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  Awareness is just the beginning of what do I know about myself right now?
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  Right.
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  I gave an answer to somebody that wasn't authentically me.
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  That's the first thing.
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  Without awareness, everything else falls apart.
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  But awareness applies to all things, right?
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  Are you listening to your gut?
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  Are you, are you listening to your intuition and what your body is telling you, right?
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  Did your stomach just drop when you said yes?
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  Did your did your head start to hurt?
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  Did your neck get tense?
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  Did your breathing start changing?
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  Right?
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  It's even when your boss says, Hey, boss, hey, person who works for me.
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  Ha ha.
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  to stay late for work today.
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  And you know, well, I've got kids to cook for.
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  I need to get to this thing.
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  I've got this.
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  I maybe you just have a dinner with your girlfriends.
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  And you're willing to put all that aside because your boss is saying, please jump.
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  Please jump and do as I say.
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  And here's the thing.
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  Oftentimes your boss doesn't actually need you to stay late.
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  They want you to stay late because they want to go do their thing.
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  Sure.
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  Right?
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  And you get to choose.
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  Maybe you don't need to do it.
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  But it's having that awareness.
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  It's the beginning of asking those questions to yourself.
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  So I'd love to jump in for a second, Tiffanie.
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  You're talking about awareness.
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  And I love the topic of awareness.
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  And when we first started this conversation today, I said, Tiffanie, what are you most excited about life right now?
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  I wanted to hear it.
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  And what I'm so aware of at this moment is that you said you're going to London to speak and led into this framework.
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  And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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  Are you excited about the trip to London, the presenting piece, or your frameworkslash method?
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  I am excited about I get to talk about my framework to people from the other side of the world.
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  So cool.
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  So cool.
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  that's what I'm excited.
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  I mean, I love I love traveling anyways.
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  That's that goes without saying.
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  I will look for an excuse to travel.
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  Um Hey kids, I bet you really love to go see the Eiffel Tower, right?
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  Right?
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  Um Sure, Mom.
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  But I and at the end of it, I get to talk about my framework openly to people that don't know me, that I don't know.
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  And that's really exciting to me.
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  It could have been a Timbuktu and it wouldn't have mattered where.
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  Um, it's it's just I'm getting I'm going to have this moment where I get to talk about it.
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  So
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  so incredible.
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  And so what I'm super curious about also is I know that you love to travel.
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  Okay, so that is a given.
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  And you're going over there, you're going to present your framework to people like you said, you don't know, they don't know you.
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  And so I'm super curious what makes this important to you?
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  Hey, let's start with what makes your framework, your method, what makes this important to you?
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  And then what makes it important for you to go to London to present or Tinbuck 2?
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  Because you're gonna go to Timbuktu also.
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  Is there really a place called Timbuktu, by the way?
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  you know, I was just thinking that myself.
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  I'm not a hundred percent sure.
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  I think there is.
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  I do think that that's an actual place, probably somewhere in the mountains of Asia.
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  Okay, we're gonna have to go.
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  the reason why this framework is so important is I wanted to create a structure that someone could follow, that they could pick it up and they could ask themselves the
• 5:43
  question.
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  Am I aware of when my identity is being questioned or when I'm not living authentically?
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  That is the kind of importance of it.
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  And I needed to make sense.
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  I'm a very systematic thinking person, right?
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  I try to think logically and rationally about.
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  Everything, um, maybe almost to my detriment sometimes.
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  And that's okay.
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  It's just it's how I'm built, and I love it.
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  I love that character that part of me.
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  I love that character part of me.
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  So um I needed to make sense of what I was thinking, right?
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  And and how do we discover or question who we are today.
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  And that is kind of how the framework started.
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  And I think this is something that I can share.
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  It's in a language that people can understand.
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  there are multiple frameworks out there, but the reason why this came about was because I transitioned from a therapy mind to the coaching mind.
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  And realizing that it's easy to say, well, what is it that you want?
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  What if someone doesn't know what they want?
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  And that was the language in which I said, okay, so let's start to break it down even more to figure out when do we not live authentically.
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  And that's how this came about.
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  Right.
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  Just all that kind of discovering.
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  So the next one, which is we're still kind of in a therapy mind, right?
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  That the coaching mind doesn't come until a little bit later into like the intuition.
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  So the adaptation, right?
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  The adaptation mind is what did we do or what did we learn in a way to survive?
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  Right.
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  What did how did we become this person?
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  Right?
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  Are we on autopilot?
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  do we have or live through a trauma lens?
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  have we had some psychological experiences that said we don't get to make our own choices and so we have to do certain things.
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  did you know, for instance, that if you're driving on the road and there's a deer pops out, you're not supposed to push on your brakes.
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  You're actually supposed to accelerate because what that does is that it helps lift the the the front of your car and allows the deer to go in ahead of you.
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  I learned this in Iowa.
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  My natural instinct is to break, right?
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  I adapted to learn that safety means breaking, when in fact accelerating is safer.
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  But that's not what my that's not what I've learned.
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  Right.
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  Tiffanie, where were you when that deer jumped out in front of my husband?
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  Like he I'm I'm so I wasn't with him, but I'm certain he hit the brake.
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  Woo, that was some damage.
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  Right.
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  you have to learn to adapt differently.
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  Yeah.
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  By the way.
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  Right.
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  It's like when you're from the north and you move the south and you're like, my God, it's so hot.
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  And us southerners are like, it's not a big deal.
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  It's just get some lemonade or some iced tea, you know.
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  because you learn to adapt, right?
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  We're we've adapted to it.
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  They have to learn to adapt.
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  And that oversimplifies it.
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  Adapt adaptation is much deeper and much stronger um because you learned through your experiences that this is safer than that, or this has produced better results than that.
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  Right.
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  So you have adapted.
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  This is a little bit adapt adaptation is a little bit of a deeper construction or a deeper level than the rest of them.
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  Um, because it's really asking you to explore.
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  who you are and how you've become this way.
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  yeah.
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  The third one is identity.
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  Now, identity is where you start to define who are you and potentially who do you want to become?
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  Right.
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  And so you talk about the different parts of you.
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  Um, we do this in therapy.
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  We also do this in IFS and we and it is a particular modality, but the thing is is that we do it even not in therapy.
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  Right.
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  We talk about our mom role.
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  I talk about my wife role because these are two different things.
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  I talk about my responsibility as a daughter.
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  Right.
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  I have I have elderly um grandparents who have needed my help throughout my life and my parents who haven't always made the best decisions and I've had to kind of show up for
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  them in different ways.
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  fortunately they're all doing really great um now.
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  And but I had to really reflect on who am I in that role.
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  And it has altered my journey and altered my path.
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  When I started questioning that.
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  That was a journey that I took in my 20s, right?
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  I am not the parent.
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  I am the daughter.
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  What is the role of the daughter?
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  Right.
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  My role is not to take care of other people that are supposed to take care of me.
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  Right.
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  that is just one concept behind identity.
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  The fourth one, which is one of my favorite ones, is in is in um intuition.
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  And intuition is learning how to trust that gut.
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  There might have been a moment where you chose something.
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  So, okay, this is a typical one.
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  This has come up recently.
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  And it says, Ah, I think I want Italian food.
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  So you go and you get Italian food.
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  You go there and you discover that did not sit well in my stomach.
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  I'm not going to eat Italian food.
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  And so the next time someone says, What do you want to eat?
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  And you're like, I'm not sure because last time I chose did not sit well.
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  You choose, right?
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  You choose this time.
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  One, because I want to kick the
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  the decision power off of me.
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  I want somebody else to take that power.
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  but over time, the more and more that you do that, you find that you no longer have a voice to choose what you want to eat.
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  Exactly.
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  Right.
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  And over time you forget I really miss Italian food.
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  But I had that one experience that didn't do well for me.
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  And now I can't trust my intuition or I choose not to trust my intuition.
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  But we don't know it's a choice.
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  And that's the part of the framework that we can we can start to turn things, right?
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  We see this a lot in relationships, right?
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  Ah, well, that didn't work.
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  So we want to go to swing to the other side of the pendulum.
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  that doesn't work, right?
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  And it's about trusting your gut.
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  I stayed in that too long.
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  And I love that you brought up the choice piece and I made a little note.
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  Um when you were talking about that you've had to take care of your grandparents.
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  And those were the words I heard as I had to, so I've had to.
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  And then really it was a choice.
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  I mean, would it have been nice not to?
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  Probably not.
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  And you still made that choice.
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  So that's again going back to this whole identity piece is knowing what I'm hearing from you, Tiffanie, is knowing what it is that you're choosing.
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  And so I've got alien grandparents and I've chosen throughout to help take care of them.
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  Yes.
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  And that was a hard one for me.
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  I was, you know, 26 years old, um, taking care of my grandma who had a a horrible stroke, what ultimately she did not recover from.
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  And um, it took a lot from me and my energy because she had done so much for me.
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  I felt obligated.
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  I felt it was my responsibility to be the devoted and doting granddaughter to to do all the things that it was required to take care of her.
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  Come to find out, I didn't actually have to.
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  I didn't need to do all those things.
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  I took that on because I thought it was my responsibility until I chose different.
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  And when I chose different, I was liberated in a in a do it in a different way.
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  And I want to be very clear, I did not just dump my grandma off into some like home.
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  It didn't work out that way.
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  However, it was something that was necessary for me because I was drowning in that identity.
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  I was a drowning in that role.
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  So, and I listened to my intuition, which was a big one.
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  And that's the thing that it's kind of a gift that I think I've been given is that I'm generally pretty good about listening to that or or at least rediscovering it or refining
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  it again later.
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  Love it.
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  Um, the fifth level of the framework is intention.
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  And intention is, hmm, now, what can I do?
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  How can I change this, this future or change this identity, or change this whatever it is that I need to change?
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  It's just the thinking process.
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  We're not doing anything yet, right?
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  Is what is our intention?
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  How can we alter what is already happening?
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  And the intention is more of the the the coaching talk.
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  This is the the coaching language.
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  Is let me think about, let me gain clarity, right?
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  I'm past awareness.
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  I already know that there's things right now.
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  How am I going to change the things?
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  Um, I think intention is where the positive growth mindset really starts.
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  and then the last one, the integration.
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  This is the hardest one for people to do, and that is the doing it part.
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  So now that I've set my intention, now I need to do it.
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  I need to say no, or I need to say, you know what, let me take some time out, let me look at my schedule.
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  I'm giving myself permission instead of just jumping an autopilot and doing whatever I need to do to people, please.
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  I'm going to say, I need a moment to take to myself to think about how I'm going to integrate this decision.
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  Right.
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  We're still dealing with humans, right?
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  So if we just say, if I say to you, hey, Tiffanie.
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  Or someone says to me, Hey Tiffanie, can you help me move on a Saturday?
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  The old Tiffanie or the the not aware Tiffanie might say, Yes, of course.
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  I've got a broken hip and I've got kids and I, you know, I need to really reflect on this.
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  Is that really the best decision for me?
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  Instead, the new Tiffanie says, you know what?
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  Let me let me see what my schedule looks like.
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  I don't want to make any promises just let yet.
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  And let me get back to you.
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  Right.
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  Because I need to take that time.
• 14:42
  Yes, I you need to take that pause.
• 14:44
  But that's my integration of what maybe used to exist after I've grown awareness and figured out no, Tiffanie needs this.
• 14:51
  but you want to be careful that you're just not like, no, and no.
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  because then you might come off as combative or you know, people don't want to be around people who just say no.
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  Correct.
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  Yes.
• 15:02
  Well I am beyond thrilled.
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  That you were going to London to present this information.
• 15:07
  Oh my gosh.
• 15:09
  And I hope she'll come back and join us again and tell us about the experience, all of it.
• 15:15
  I want to hear all of it when you get back.
• 15:18
  And then also, Tiffanie, I once you're back, I think, if I'm not mistaken, that you're gonna be ha offering a community within the Live Life Fully Club so that people can
• 15:32
  take a deeper dive into this reU method that you've created, correct?
• 15:38
  So I do have a workbook that I've created and I love, love, love my workbook.
• 15:43
  It's, you know, graphically, I think it's stunning.
• 15:45
  Um, it walks through, it's a lengthy workbook because I want you to take the time, right?
• 15:50
  I want everybody to take time to really fill it out and to engage with it.
• 15:55
  you can print it out or I've offer I'm also offering a PDF that's fillable so that you can do it on your phone, you can do it at home, you can do it wherever you are.
• 16:02
  You're waiting in the doctor's office and you can.
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  But it what it does is that it it kind of holds you accountable.
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  It forces you to get the words from the head out so that it's not just cycling in the head and that you're not ruminating on say it out loud.
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  Say the things out loud, even if it's uncomfortable.
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  And that's what this book allows you to do.
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  So yes, come I completely almost forgot about my workbook, which is where the whole framework is really intended to exist.
• 16:28
  Because it you you need to work it.
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  You need to work each layer so that you can show up for yourself.
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  So.
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  so people
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  Can get the workbook by going to the Live Life Fully website, llfly.com, and then go to the store.
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  And whenever you get to the store, you can purchase the workbook.
• 16:46
  And then if anybody's interested, you can always join the Live Life Fully Club.
• 16:50
  Tiffanie will be one of the presenters in the Live Life Fully Club with her community ReU, to where you can take a deeper dive every month with Tiffanie.
• 17:00
  And if you're not available, then you can watch the replays.
• 17:03
  Also, as
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  Of the Live Life Fully Club, you have access to each coach's community.
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  So we have a Life Accelerator community, Tiffanie's ReU community, get out of your own way community, a motherhood community, and a level up community.
• 17:19
  There are more communities coming, but for now, those are the ones that are in place within the Live Life Fully Club.
• 17:26
  But again, Tiffanie, I am thrilled that you are going to London, that you are sharing ReU with the world.
• 17:33
  in London with your workbook with the community and I could not be more honored to work with you.
• 17:41
  So yeah.
• 17:43
  Well thank you again for coming on today and sharing your method, your framework, and the examples that you gave.
• 17:50
  Outstanding.
• 17:51
  Thank you so much.
• 17:53
  Well, thank you for having me.
• 17:54
  Alright everybody, thank you again for joining Candid Coach Conversations.
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  We look forward to talking with you again soon.
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  And until then, be sure to live life fully and enjoy every moment.
• 18:06
  See you soon.