Latest / Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby / How to Be More Optimistic Without Faking It | Dr. Deepika Chopra | Happiness | E527

Transcript

How to Be More Optimistic Without Faking It | Dr. Deepika Chopra | Happiness | E527 · Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Quick hello before we dive in n a big thank
• 0:14
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• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Now let's get into it. We all know that there's
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: a lot of power in positive thinking. What we're telling
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: ourselves has a significant impact on the way we feel
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: the new day.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Don't now I am practicing my purpose once again. It
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: is fresh and it is fruitful of vowing volus.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: I don't know, but it's not always easy to do that,
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: And sometimes feeling like you're being pessimistic or focused on
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: the negative can.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Feel like its own failure. The reality is that feeling
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: like you should be.
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: More positive or optimistic than you actually feel can lead
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: to its.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Own stress and anxiety. And this good ViBe's only culture
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: is kind of masking what healthy and enduring optimism really is.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Low well, even after all the promises you've broken to.
• 2:37
  Speaker 5: Yourself, an optimist is actually quite grounded in reality. They
• 2:42
  Speaker 5: are keenly and mindfully aware of the rope blocks and
• 2:46
  Speaker 5: the setbacks less than ideal situations.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: So on today's episode of Love, Happiness, and Success, we
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: are talking about what the science actually says about how
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: to be an authentic life, optimistic, hopeful person who still
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: has their whole range of dark emotions and why those
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: are positive. And we're talking about how to start to
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: rewire your brain towards hope by learning how to build
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: yourself up in a reality based way.
• 3:20
  Speaker 5: Caveat is that they see those setbacks as something that
• 3:24
  Speaker 5: is temporary and something that they have the ability to overcome,
• 3:28
  Speaker 5: even if they don't know how or when.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: By the end of today's show, you will have some
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: actionable advice for how to start wiring your brain towards
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: hope without bypassing any of the hard stuff, and what
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: it looks like to practice real optimism when life is
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: objectively difficult. Song today Gorgeousness It All will Be Well
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: by the Gay Dixon Band, and I chose it as
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: a reminder that the path to feeling better isn't always
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: about turning up the brightness. Sometimes it's about finding the
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: ground beneath you, and that is exactly what today's conversation
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: is about. If this is your first time tuning in,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here. I'm doctor Lisa Marie Bobby,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: a psychologist, marriage and family therapist, board certified coach, founder
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: of Growing Self, and here with you every single week
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: to tackle elements of growth, love, happiness and success, where
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: we're putting real world, actionable advice from legitimate experts in
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: front of you so that you can leave every episode
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: with a new idea that will help you move forward.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: And today is one of those episodes. I'm talking with
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: no than doctor Deepaka Chopra. She's a professional health psychologist,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: founder of the organization Things Are Looking Up. She is
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: regularly on The Today Show and she's the author of
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: a brand new book, The Power of Real Optimism. She
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: is the real deal optimism doctor, and she's here today
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: to share her wisdom, perspective, and strategies with you.
• 5:26
  Speaker 5: You can ask me how it's.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Doctor Deepica. I'm so excited to visit with you.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: I'm so happy to be here. Thank you.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: So let's get right into this and if I could
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: just ask, I always love a good origin story, and
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: I think the focus of your work, the science of
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: optimism and positivity is just so interesting. I have to
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: know is there a personal connection or some of your
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: own work that led to this professional niche.
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: So interestingly enough, I realized that I've gotten to what
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: I'm doing now in probably the most nonlinear fashion.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: I shared this in the book.
• 6:23
  Speaker 5: I've always been a human like even as a child,
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: I've always been someone that was deeply drawn to other
• 6:30
  Speaker 5: people and their storytelling and emotions. I've always been very
• 6:37
  Speaker 5: moved by I think just people in general, and so
• 6:42
  Speaker 5: much so that I shared this in the book. But
• 6:45
  Speaker 5: when I first saw The Titanic, the movie with Leonardo
• 6:49
  Speaker 5: DiCaprio and Kate winflet for the first time in the theaters,
• 6:53
  Speaker 5: I could not get out of bed.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: Or go to school for two weeks.
• 6:58
  Speaker 5: Oh my goodness, Oh just wrecked by it and almost
• 7:03
  Speaker 5: paralyzed in a way that I just remember my parents
• 7:08
  Speaker 5: really shielding me from like highly emotional content after that,
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: and I have I just remember, like even in high
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: school or counselors always saying like, I think psychology would
• 7:19
  Speaker 5: be a great space for you, but remembering that experience
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: and just like dealing with my empathy, if I was like, oh, no,
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: this does not seem like the right path for me.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: I don't think I'd be able to manage it.
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: And so always actually something that I was interested in,
• 7:38
  Speaker 5: but like held myself back and thought I was just
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: not made. I'm not the right person for this, and
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: so I didn't pursue it in that way. But it's
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: funny how so many years later and sort of full circle,
• 7:49
  Speaker 5: like it's exactly what I'm doing. I actually started my
• 7:54
  Speaker 5: sort of journey into career or like my first job
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: during college, I worked at a music punk independent music label,
• 8:04
  Speaker 5: which was really fun. Then I actually went into investment
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: banking and in the public health sort.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Of space, and.
• 8:14
  Speaker 5: It was I found it to be interesting, but it
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: wasn't necessarily tapping into things that lit me up. And
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: I think along the way, I've always had and I
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: now understand that this is rare and I'm so grateful
• 8:31
  Speaker 5: for it. But through every step of all the different
• 8:34
  Speaker 5: sort of career paths that I took, I always had
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: amazing mentorship. And one particular person when I was working
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: in sort of M and A and in public health,
• 8:48
  Speaker 5: we were at this off site meeting and they brought
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: it an organizational psychologist and he took me aside. I
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: remember we were on the bus ride back to the
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: hotel and he was like, you really lit up when
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: we're doing these exercises, Like have you ever thought about
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: organizational psychology? You should think about that. And I literally
• 9:09
  Speaker 5: quit my job almost immediately, and I went back to
• 9:13
  Speaker 5: my alma mater at ECLA, and I knocked on every
• 9:17
  Speaker 5: single door at the Neuropsychiatric Institute Research and Clinical Practices,
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: and I knocked on every door and just said, can
• 9:26
  Speaker 5: I volunteer for you? I want to see if this
• 9:28
  Speaker 5: is something I could do before pursuing going.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Back to school.
• 9:32
  Speaker 5: And so that's sort of how I got into back
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: into psychology. I didn't major in it as an undergrad,
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: so I had a lot of work to get done,
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: to do pre res and start over to go back
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: to school, and I ended up getting my masters and
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: then the doctorate in clinical health psychology, and I truly
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: like it makes sense to me now, but fell in
• 9:56
  Speaker 5: love with it and felt really in my lem And again,
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: even within that space, I am just so thankful because
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: all of my clinical practices I had the most amazing
• 10:10
  Speaker 5: mentorship and just like supervision that would pick apart and
• 10:16
  Speaker 5: help me understand what I was most curious about. And
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: I would say the optimism part again, I was really
• 10:24
  Speaker 5: just following what I was personally curious about, and I
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: was really drawn. I've always been drawn to data and
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: to science, and I just I like when things make
• 10:36
  Speaker 5: sense and I love questioning. I have since I was
• 10:39
  Speaker 5: a kid, So if I have a question, I really
• 10:42
  Speaker 5: follow it. And I remember I was reading this very
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: significant to me piece of research explaining how the brain
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: is an anticipatory organ and is an organ that is
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: constantly working in future tents, whether it's a couple of
• 10:59
  Speaker 5: men and it's from now or six months from now,
• 11:02
  Speaker 5: but the brain works in future tents, and I thought
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: that was something about that just really struck a chord
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: within me, and I was so curious about it, and
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: so I started following with that, and it's sort of
• 11:14
  Speaker 5: translated to I'm learning all of these modalities in therapy
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: practice to use with my clients and my patients, and
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: so many of them are driven from the past.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: And at time we were.
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: Just really like I was really focused on the CBT
• 11:29
  Speaker 5: part of it, and so it was like very in
• 11:31
  Speaker 5: the moment and present tent, but I wasn't hearing a
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: lot of if the brain is this future tense organ,
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: why are we not talking to people at this level
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: about what they're expecting to happen? What do they think
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: are possibilities? And are what is their future directed thinking?
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: And I started to understand that almost everything could be explained,
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: like all of our emotions could be explained with what
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: we were projecting into our future than a couple of
• 12:03
  Speaker 5: minutes from now or months from hour, years from now.
• 12:05
  Speaker 5: And so it became a question for me where I
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: was really passionate to answer, and how can I help
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: people expect differently and to give them sort of and
• 12:17
  Speaker 5: give myself an understanding of what they are truly expecting
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: to occur, and can we actually change that? And so
• 12:23
  Speaker 5: that idea of expectation and can we actually change people's
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: expectation to be neutral or more positive, and really got
• 12:33
  Speaker 5: into the world of self limiting beliefs and all of
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: that and in a nutshell like that is the work
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: of optimism. And so again, it really was following what
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: I was most curious about. And I think at that
• 12:44
  Speaker 5: time it was a little too I wasn't in the
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: right time, right place.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: What I was studying was a little.
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: Too woo woo for the science community, and I felt
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: like I was way too science based for the self
• 12:59
  Speaker 5: help commune. And I think like years went by and
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: I kept following my curiosity, and I think like the
• 13:07
  Speaker 5: world also caught up to that, and people were really
• 13:10
  Speaker 5: interesting interested in that sort of bridge and optimism and
• 13:14
  Speaker 5: hope became something that I think people were definitely more
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: interested in.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: And so cut to.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Now, Oh my goodness, thank you so much for sharing
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: your story and also for I'm lighting this gap, this
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: observation of wait a minute, we are hardwired to go
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: off into the future. But so much of conventional mental
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: health treatment is really focused on this exploration of the
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: past and so being able to understand that gap and
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: learn how to work with it. The science of optimism,
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: What are we expecting? How do you cultivate hope? And
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: how does that ability to manage your mindset related to
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: that change the way then you think, feel, and behave
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: in a really productive way. That is so cool, And
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I also just want to validate I get what you're
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: talking about about the industry right almost not being ready
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: for that. I feel like just a little bit about
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: my background. I feel like I've sort of been occupying
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: some of that space in my own work, Like I'm
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: a psychologist and certainly a therapist, but over the last
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: number of years, I've become so excited about coaching psychology
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: and all of the opportunities available for growth and forward
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: momentum because so many times, certainly the past is always
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: important to understanding who we are and where we come
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: from and all the things connect the dots. That's fine,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: but that is not enough to then necessarily move you
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: forward or create different outcomes in the future, particularly when
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: it comes to things that aren't necessarily clinical mental health issues,
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: but rather a desire for change. And so I think
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: that maybe we're operating in similar spaces in that way,
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: you're going into the science of optimism and hope, and
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I'm sort of thinking about action, right, but I get it,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: and just how brave of you to keep going with
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: your ideas even in the face of that adversity. I'm
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: wondering if there was some hope involved.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: I think so.
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: I think actually this was now many years ago, almost
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: a decade or a decade ago, and I think I
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: was seeing so many people sort of online coaching was
• 15:36
  Speaker 5: just starting to like m and I didn't quite understand
• 15:39
  Speaker 5: at that time with so much much come by. Now
• 15:43
  Speaker 5: there's avations, there's you know, there's certifications in it. I
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: think I just saw at the time, like Instagram was
• 15:51
  Speaker 5: booming totally.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: Everyone else as anyone can call themselves a coach. It's
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: a totally unregulated profession. Doesn't mean it's not a real thing, though.
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: Doesn't mean and I think freedom in that and I
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: felt really constricted, And I wonder if that's how you
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: felt like I felt constricted by sort of the bounds
• 16:10
  Speaker 5: of the traditional psychology. Again, I would never trade up
• 16:15
  Speaker 5: any of the foundation I needed all that, and a
• 16:19
  Speaker 5: lot of people understand the amount of clinical training that
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: you get when you do pursue something like a mask
• 16:28
  Speaker 5: or a doctorate in this and how much how valuable
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: that is to the work you can do. But I
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: also think for me at that moment, I saw people
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: being able to do work in the ways that I
• 16:40
  Speaker 5: felt like, wait a second, Like I have all that
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: I'm doing things like a little differently than traditional, and
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: I'm not really able to offer the tools in the
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: way I want to offer them, even like where I
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: want to offer them. So like I had requests at
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: the time of someone on a different continent, and you
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: couldn't do that as someone practicing under the traditional licensure,
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: you can't do that. And so I actually just took
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: this leap of faith at the time that was just
• 17:09
  Speaker 5: like I'm going to step away from all of that
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: clinic and I'm just going to go off.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: And do my own thing.
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: I'm going to utilize what I know and what i've
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: the foundation that I've created, but I'm going to keep
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: following that threat of curiosity and be able to be
• 17:23
  Speaker 5: more free in that. I think that sounds very similar
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: to what you're doing as well. And you have all
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: that foundation and the credential you know, taking you forward,
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: but you are also taking matters into your own hands
• 17:39
  Speaker 5: and sort of being free with being able to be
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: creative and free in how because I do I see
• 17:45
  Speaker 5: this profession as being a creative one.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: I really do like and I talk about it.
• 17:51
  Speaker 5: In the book, but I feel like my creativity is
• 17:56
  Speaker 5: very turned on when I'm working with clients or in
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: the past patient because coming to each person uniquely where
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: they're at, like it is not the same journey, and
• 18:09
  Speaker 5: you have to allow And I think the best people
• 18:12
  Speaker 5: in the profession are flexible and creative where they are
• 18:17
  Speaker 5: able to take all the tools that they know and
• 18:21
  Speaker 5: at the same time be able to put them together
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: in new ways to make a unique path.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: Forward for sitting in front of you. And it's not
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: always the same, right.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: It isn't well, And so then it sounds like in
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: your work you began noticing the gaps and the limitations
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: of a backwards focused or let's amplify the pain type work,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: which there's a time and a place, Yeah, and found
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: a different way and I'm wondering if maybe even in
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: your own story, even in the face of there is
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: no road, I don't know exactly what's going to happen.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: You had this content, but it's in yourself. Dare I
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: say optimism or hope that if you did continue going forward,
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: that you would find your way and that you were
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: able to sustain yourself along that journey. And I'm sure
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: there must have been twists in turns, So maybe, if
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: it's okay, we could even use your own story as
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: an example of how hope and optimism work in practice,
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Like what does it change for someone? What does it
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: do for someone when they're able to hold on to
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: their hope as opposed to maybe fall into a self
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: defeating mindset.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: Is that okay? Yeah?
• 19:39
  Speaker 5: I think first to take a step back like that
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: I've really witnessed and noticed during this work is how
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: much we actually define something like optimism.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: Like lost of times pretty incorrectly.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: Let's start there. That's a good point. Let's define our terms.
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: Yes, I love that, so I think that is kind
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: of also in some ways what drove me to really
• 20:04
  Speaker 5: pursue this and like it really kept me focused on
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: it as my niche not really knowing it at the time,
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: but because I was learning about like the brain and
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: the anatomy of it, and especially this idea of it
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: being this anticipatory organ and at the same time I
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: was learning about terms like optimism and hope.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: But then coming from.
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: Normal mainstream world, everything I knew about optimism and hope
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: were actually not really incongruence. And so I, like so
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: many other people, I think, thought that being optimistic meant
• 20:41
  Speaker 5: being positive and experiencing joy and bliss twenty four to
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: seven and living a worry free life and always finding
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: the silver linings and looking at.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: The world through rose colored glass. Really this idea that
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: if you experience struggle, you're not an optimist. And even
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: while I was going through this and studying this, and
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: it sort of became my path forward and my focus,
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: even not not that long ago.
• 21:13
  Speaker 5: People that love me and that are in my corner
• 21:16
  Speaker 5: and that I know have the best intentions for me.
• 21:19
  Speaker 5: I so recall like anytime having a personal struggle or
• 21:24
  Speaker 5: going through something them kind of being like you got
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: this because this is what you study, Like you study optimism,
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: so like why would you.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: Be stuck on this?
• 21:33
  Speaker 5: Or like don't hard to hear, how could you be
• 21:36
  Speaker 5: how could you be crying right now or upset about
• 21:38
  Speaker 5: this or whatever it is, like you're the optimism doctor,
• 21:41
  Speaker 5: And it just was such a it even that like
• 21:46
  Speaker 5: myself could get back into that path and be like,
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: I'm not really good at what.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: I do, Like, oh no, my bling, Yeah, it actually is.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: That illustration is the perfect example of how we all
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: have a very big misconception on what optimism is. And
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: so I have.
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: Heard every stereotype under the sun on an optimist because
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: this is what I've been doing for so long now,
• 22:13
  Speaker 5: and one of my favorite ones that I think most
• 22:16
  Speaker 5: commonly gets set is I'm not an optimist, I'm a realist.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: And I always thought that.
• 22:22
  Speaker 5: Was so interesting because everything that I have researched about
• 22:25
  Speaker 5: optimism really showed that an optimist is actually quite grounded
• 22:29
  Speaker 5: in reality. They are keenly and mindfully aware of the
• 22:34
  Speaker 5: roadblocks and the setbacks. The less than ideal situation caveat
• 22:39
  Speaker 5: is that they see those setbacks as something that is
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: temporary and something that they have the ability to overcome,
• 22:47
  Speaker 5: even if they don't know how or when, but they
• 22:50
  Speaker 5: will because it's based on their personal historical resiliency so
• 22:55
  Speaker 5: every interesting one of their hardest days thus far that
• 22:58
  Speaker 5: they have overcome, that is where we cultivate future optimism.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: And I would take it a step.
• 23:04
  Speaker 5: Further and add that I don't really see optimism being
• 23:08
  Speaker 5: so connected to positivity as much as I see it
• 23:12
  Speaker 5: being more connected to resiliency and curiosity.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: And so it's this idea of knowing and being deeply rooted.
• 23:21
  Speaker 5: In the fact that this is temporary, and then having
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: the curiosity again, you don't even have to know or
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: project that it's going to be positive, but having the
• 23:31
  Speaker 5: curiosity just of I wonder how this will change, and
• 23:35
  Speaker 5: at the same time being very authentic to.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: How you feel in the real moment.
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: And so optimism is not about shoving the bad feeling, emotions,
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: the struggles underneath the rug.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: It's actually about sitting with.
• 23:49
  Speaker 5: Them and really validating them and understanding where they come from.
• 23:54
  Speaker 5: But at the very same time, as you are there
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: and you're authentic, true feeling, there is space for curiosity
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: and maybe even hope once we get Wow.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: This is very interesting hearing you talk about your conceptualization
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: of what optimism really is and that it's based on
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: this resilience and a confidence in your own ability really
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: and it's interesting because you know, I have a working
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: theory that's emerging around like what self esteem really is
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: self worth and it almost sounds similar in some ways,
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: like it's a growing confidence in yourself and your ability
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: to solve problems, figure things out, learn and grow right
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: that you trust yourself. And it sounds like the core
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: of this definition of optimism isn't that you feel great
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: all the time, or that you're telling yourself stories or
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: like it's gonna you wonderful and that's not based in reality,
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: but it's that there's this that was hard, reality based,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: but also this deep confidence in the fact that you
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: have control over what you do next, that you can
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: figure it out, that you can design a better, brighter
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: future based on your confidence and yourself. Is that the
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: right way to say it? Or am I overly simplifying this?
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: I know now, You're absolutely right. There is such a
• 25:29
  Speaker 5: big piece of self mastery in it. And also it's
• 25:33
  Speaker 5: saying this is really hard right now, and it's sitting
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: at the same time and this is not the whole story.
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: And so really that like what we call in psychology
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: explanatory style of this is not permanent. This feels awful,
• 25:50
  Speaker 5: this is crappy, and not shoving it underneath the rug.
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: I have a real reason for feeling the way I
• 25:56
  Speaker 5: do right now, and I wonder how it's going to change.
• 26:00
  Speaker 5: And I also know at the same time, even though
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: this feels really bad, I've been through really hard stuff before. Yeah,
• 26:07
  Speaker 5: So just a reminder of that again. It's not taking
• 26:10
  Speaker 5: away anything that you're truly feeling.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: In the moment or how difficult something.
• 26:15
  Speaker 5: Is, and it's not actually changing the circumstances, but it
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: is being more actually grounded in the reality of the situation.
• 26:23
  Speaker 5: Like everything we just said was true and factual, and
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: there is evidence to back it up. You have been
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: through hard things before, and you've gotten through them most things.
• 26:33
  Speaker 5: Almost everything that we go through, good and bad, is
• 26:35
  Speaker 5: temporary and changes in some way, shape or form. And
• 26:40
  Speaker 5: so I think oftentimes where this is tricky and why
• 26:43
  Speaker 5: it takes a practice is the brain oftentimes is very
• 26:47
  Speaker 5: focused on what needs to be.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: Fixed, what is unfinished.
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: Not necessarily is it focused on the problems that you've
• 26:58
  Speaker 5: solved and how you've solved and like sort of highlighting
• 27:03
  Speaker 5: or they're mad like that.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: But we have to do that intentionally and so.
• 27:07
  Speaker 5: It is a really big part of this work to
• 27:10
  Speaker 5: remind ourselves of the hard times we've been through before
• 27:14
  Speaker 5: and how did we persevere through them, not just we
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: got through it, Now here's the next problem, or we
• 27:20
  Speaker 5: worked really hard to current like what do you currently
• 27:23
  Speaker 5: have or what are you currently enjoying right now in
• 27:27
  Speaker 5: your life, whether it's personal professional that you used to
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: want so badly when.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: You're enjoying it in this moment right now. How often
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: do we stop and sort of ask ourselves that, ask
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: ourselves that and spotlight that, and then take it further
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: and say what is everything? Like what is the path?
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: What is everything that I've done to get to that
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: point to make this thing come into fruition.
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: Because it didn't just happen. The more we can sort
• 27:53
  Speaker 5: of highlight that, the more the brain really understands to
• 27:58
  Speaker 5: really make that concrete and say this is part of
• 28:01
  Speaker 5: my strength, like this is part of my tool and
• 28:05
  Speaker 5: my toolbox, And that is where optimism is really grown from.
• 28:09
  Speaker 5: It is that confidence and that what are we good at,
• 28:12
  Speaker 5: what are our strengths? What have we gone through before?
• 28:15
  Speaker 5: What are we telling ourselves at the same time. One
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: thing that I've gone through a pretty rough couple of years,
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: and ironically, while I was writing this book, probably the
• 28:25
  Speaker 5: darkest time in my life.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: But what I've come out with it.
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: Is I truly am so rooted in this statement in
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: a way that I never was before. Like I can
• 28:36
  Speaker 5: do hard things, and so when I'm going through something tough,
• 28:41
  Speaker 5: that is also in the forefront whatever it is I'm
• 28:43
  Speaker 5: going through. But at the very same time, in the
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: forefront is and I can go through hard things.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: This is so powerful, so good, and gosh, there are
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: just so many things that you said that I feel
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: like are so important and just worth like framing on
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: a wall, that how easy it is to just keep
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: going and minimize or disregard altogether all of our strengths,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: all of our accomplishments, all of the things that we
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: have built in our lives that are positive and good
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: and hyper focus on the things that are problematic or
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: that need.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: To be fixed.
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: And that's not anything wrong with you that the literallytens
• 29:20
  Speaker 5: are actually made to do. I mean, it makes sense.
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: Our brains have a limited attentionacity, and so it is
• 29:27
  Speaker 5: going to focus on the things that need fixing, need
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: to be finished, and also locus on the things that
• 29:33
  Speaker 5: it actually feels, or you tell yourself what is possible,
• 29:37
  Speaker 5: and so that is like another piece of this. If
• 29:39
  Speaker 5: you don't think something is possible, your brain is very
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: unlikely to set forth that prefrontal cortex to set forth
• 29:47
  Speaker 5: the problem solving capability and the actions that the behaviors
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: that you will need to do to make this happen.
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: So there is more to just sort of wanting something.
• 29:57
  Speaker 5: We really get back to like what do you expect?
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: So we need to take a quick break. But on
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: the other side, what I would love to dig into
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: with you. You brought up so many great things around
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: how to amplify and see very intentionally the things that
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: you have built and your strengths, but also start to
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: get clarity into your mindset what are you telling yourself
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: about what's coming down the pipeline and being able to
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: work with your thoughts to say, you know what, the
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: story is not over on maybe halfway through, and what
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: do I get to do next and hold on to
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: that hope and curiosity. But on the other side of
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: the break, what I would love to hear you talk
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: more about are some strategies or ideas that you wrote about,
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: perhaps in your book that could be useful to some
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: of our friends who are with us right now, doctor Depica,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: people who are in the soup right now, and maybe
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: when they look around their lives, they are actually dealing
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: with a fair amount of adverse city. When they do
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: look at themselves, what they see are things that they
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: don't feel particularly happy or good about right and that
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: it feels genuinely hard to then look towards the future
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: and imagine a better outcome as evidenced by what exists
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: in the world right now. So on the other side
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: of the break, can we speak to their experience?
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: Yes? Absolutely.
• 31:27
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• 32:11
  Speaker 1: it wasn't whether or not I was a good therapist.
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  Speaker 1: So doctor Chepica. Before the break, we were talking about
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: some of your recommendations and strategies, like the big building
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: blocks of how optimism and how hope is cultivated. You
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: were talking about how how to view your self and
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: your current reality differently, and how to understand that what
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: is happening now is transient, and how to start looking
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: more towards the future. But I would love to hear
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: more of your thoughts about how to even begin to
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: build these abilities. If you are in a legitimately hard place,
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: there has been a lot of darkness, adversity, it doesn't
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: feel like you have grown right, maybe you've endured the
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: message around how to have hope for a better outcome
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: next time feels hard when you don't have a lot
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: to base that on. Yeah, So somebody who's in that
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: space right now, where would they even start?
• 35:49
  Speaker 5: Well, I think, like, first and foremost, I really understand this,
• 35:53
  Speaker 5: you know.
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: I was in this book on optimism and a couple months.
• 35:58
  Speaker 5: In we were given a very horrible, scary medical diagnosis
• 36:06
  Speaker 5: for our small child who was to and us, and
• 36:13
  Speaker 5: it leveled me in a way that I will never
• 36:18
  Speaker 5: be able to unlearn or unsee. And that and it
• 36:23
  Speaker 5: was by far the darkest season of our lives.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: And I still like the part that is I think
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: really scary is there are no answers.
• 36:35
  Speaker 5: It was something very rare. It was something that they
• 36:38
  Speaker 5: estimated to in a million cases and just chalk to
• 36:41
  Speaker 5: bad luck, which it has pill to swallows as a parent,
• 36:46
  Speaker 5: because you are now left with most of us want
• 36:50
  Speaker 5: to search for some control when something really horripens, and
• 36:55
  Speaker 5: especially when it is to one of your kids.
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: And what did we do? What could we do differently?
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: How can we prevent this? How can we help other people?
• 37:02
  Speaker 5: And there was nothing, I mean really uncharted waters, like
• 37:06
  Speaker 5: diving into the deep end and knowing nothing.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: And even now when we are sort of mad.
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: A year and a half of pretty severe treatment at
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: that time and our whole lives changed. But even now
• 37:19
  Speaker 5: after that more acute phase, we have no we have nothing,
• 37:23
  Speaker 5: no data, no answers to go by in terms of
• 37:26
  Speaker 5: what future looks like. And that is a really I mean,
• 37:29
  Speaker 5: living in that type of uncertainty, Oh my gosh.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: Well, and even what you were saying about the science
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: of optimism, and it applies that there's there's a locus
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: of control, that you do have some agency over what
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: happens next, and so to be in a reality where
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: that's not really true, I could see how that really
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: tested many of these ideas in your own life.
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think I during that time.
• 37:53
  Speaker 5: So it also was something that I would classify as
• 37:56
  Speaker 5: chronic because it was a long period of a wasn't
• 38:00
  Speaker 5: a short period, but there was an end, there was
• 38:04
  Speaker 5: an endment as long as everything went the way it
• 38:06
  Speaker 5: was going. Obviously there is no certainty in me a
• 38:10
  Speaker 5: medical plan, but I really after a couple months of
• 38:14
  Speaker 5: I'm telling you I had no access to I had
• 38:17
  Speaker 5: all the tools, I knew them. I was writing about them,
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: but I had no shred of even like or a
• 38:24
  Speaker 5: thread to go buy for a couple months, and that
• 38:27
  Speaker 5: is normal part of I mean, this was something that
• 38:30
  Speaker 5: came out of nowhere and really derailed us. And I
• 38:34
  Speaker 5: think for about two months I was like emotionally paralyzed
• 38:38
  Speaker 5: and so I had no I could use no tools,
• 38:41
  Speaker 5: and I even thought, for a moment, for a long moment,
• 38:44
  Speaker 5: in that time.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: I don't think I could write this book.
• 38:47
  Speaker 5: And then after a couple months, still circumstance not changing things,
• 38:53
  Speaker 5: really intense daily treatment, weekly treatments at the hospital, surgeries,
• 38:58
  Speaker 5: all of it. I think something shifted, which was like
• 39:03
  Speaker 5: a pivotal moment for me, and I was stuck in
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: rumination like so many people probably are. I mean, we
• 39:12
  Speaker 5: are going through with something globally right now and collectively
• 39:15
  Speaker 5: where I think so many people are feeling a sense
• 39:18
  Speaker 5: of uncertainty. And what we know about the brain and
• 39:22
  Speaker 5: uncertainty and prolonged uncertainty, which I think a lot of
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: people can relate to, is that when our brain has
• 39:28
  Speaker 5: prolonged uncertainty, we can't predict what's coming next in any sort.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: Of safe way. What it does is it starts to
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: fill in.
• 39:36
  Speaker 5: The gaps with worst case scenario planning. And when we
• 39:40
  Speaker 5: are in like constant and chronic worst case scenario, our
• 39:43
  Speaker 5: amygdala is like very turned on. That's our threat response
• 39:46
  Speaker 5: area of the brain, and our thinking becomes narrowed, Our
• 39:51
  Speaker 5: decision making becomes our creativity becomes narrowed, our perspective becomes narrowed,
• 39:57
  Speaker 5: and so we are like really just tunnel vision.
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: Into sort of this survival mode.
• 40:02
  Speaker 5: And I was really ruminating at that time, and I
• 40:06
  Speaker 5: remember continuously playing on the loop, why is this happening
• 40:10
  Speaker 5: to us? And of course I knew coming out of
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: the doctor's office early on, I wasn't.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: Going to get that answer. I mean they told me
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: it was chocked bad luck. They don't know, and it
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: was genetic. It wasn't we don't know anything yet. We
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: just it's bad luck.
• 40:24
  Speaker 5: And so I was ruminating on repeat for a couple
• 40:28
  Speaker 5: months on just why us, How could this happen?
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: Why him? He's two and a half. I mean, if
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: there was a there was an illustration of a pure, positive,
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: good creature, it would be a child, a toddler one
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: one day that's just asking for snacks and wanting to
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: play with hot wheels, How in the world in this
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: universe could this happen? And why?
• 40:55
  Speaker 5: And so I was ruminating on that which I cannot
• 40:58
  Speaker 5: move forward.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: There's a little playing around. You can't move forward from that.
• 41:02
  Speaker 5: But I needed to go through that, and I think
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: one day I had this shift. It wasn't fast, but
• 41:07
  Speaker 5: I had this shift. And the shift was so subtle.
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: And again, when I tell you what the shift was,
• 41:12
  Speaker 5: it was not changing our circumstances, and it was not
• 41:15
  Speaker 5: anything that would make someone feel positive. That just subtle
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: shift from why is this happening to us?
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: We are good people? Like why us? To why anyone?
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: And like that little shift of why anyone? Why not us?
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: This is something that's just good. Bad things happen to
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: good people. And like just that little shift, it I
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: wouldn't say made me feel better. It was like a
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: really dark that's not a great a great thought to
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: have either, But what it did was it removed a
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: lot of the.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: Anger and yeah, like a radical acceptance moment almost.
• 41:54
  Speaker 5: It was almost a radically this moment. And what that
• 41:57
  Speaker 5: did was again, it didn't change trajectory. It didn't change
• 42:01
  Speaker 5: how upset I was and how dark everything felt and seen,
• 42:05
  Speaker 5: but What it did was that small.
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: Shift allowed my brain to sort of expand in a
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: little way, and I was able to move from rumination
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: to agency. And for me, agency looked like, what is
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: my next step now?
• 42:24
  Speaker 5: Elk, this is horrible, deep sadness about it, less ruminating
• 42:29
  Speaker 5: over why is this happening to us, and more what
• 42:32
  Speaker 5: I do next?
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: I hate this and what I do next?
• 42:36
  Speaker 5: And so it became really focused on what can I
• 42:39
  Speaker 5: pack in the hospital bag? Okay, we've been doing this
• 42:42
  Speaker 5: for a few weeks, now, I know that we need X.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: Y and Z, or like we need to buy a
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: shirt that has.
• 42:49
  Speaker 5: A zipper on the side where his port is so
• 42:51
  Speaker 5: we don't have to take the shirt off every time
• 42:53
  Speaker 5: we have to access it. Things that were like, not great,
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: nothing I would want, but focused on agency and then
• 43:00
  Speaker 5: next step.
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly that. Prior to that, you'd sort of been
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: having arguments with reality in your head, right, like kind
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: of being mad about the circumstances. That was very took
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: away all the energy when you were able to let
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: that go. It was one step at a time, even
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: if it was just packing a bag or doing a thing,
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: but it put you in the present. Yeah, and in
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: the future again, and I could see how that is
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: part of reclaiming optimism and hope because you're doing something.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: And I think I was able to.
• 43:35
  Speaker 5: I made a calendar, I remember, and even though it
• 43:38
  Speaker 5: was so fought off, I already had marked our last treatment.
• 43:42
  Speaker 5: And even though it seemed even a couple weeks before
• 43:45
  Speaker 5: that that seemed like forever, never ending, because it was
• 43:49
  Speaker 5: a year and.
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: A half of like daily and weekly treatment.
• 43:53
  Speaker 5: But I was able to see that and so again
• 43:56
  Speaker 5: didn't make And I think that's the focus.
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: It is really allowing myself to understand that I that.
• 44:05
  Speaker 5: This in whatever form it was, I don't know how
• 44:09
  Speaker 5: it was going to turn out, but this particular thing
• 44:12
  Speaker 5: had an end date and I don't know what. I'll
• 44:16
  Speaker 5: see what happens next, but right now I can just
• 44:19
  Speaker 5: focus on what literally is my next move. And there
• 44:23
  Speaker 5: were a lot of moves that I had to focus on,
• 44:25
  Speaker 5: whether it was calling insurance companies, learning you linguo, having
• 44:29
  Speaker 5: to advocate for my son in the hospital system, things
• 44:32
  Speaker 5: I would have never ever, different versions of medications, research
• 44:37
  Speaker 5: to be done, neils to be prepared.
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: I had other kids as well, so it really was
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: that shift.
• 44:45
  Speaker 5: Of ruminating to agency and I think that is such
• 44:49
  Speaker 5: an important, powerful piece of process that is overlooked because again,
• 44:55
  Speaker 5: to highlight the agency doesn't mean you're doing something in
• 44:59
  Speaker 5: all cases that you're doing something that you want to do.
• 45:03
  Speaker 5: Sometimes it can be in a situation where every bit
• 45:07
  Speaker 5: of my agency.
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: Was not what I wanted to do. In fact, I
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: hated all of it.
• 45:11
  Speaker 5: I hated the treatments, of course, I hated talking to
• 45:14
  Speaker 5: the insurance.
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: I hated that I had to know.
• 45:17
  Speaker 5: Certain language about cells and I don't want to know
• 45:21
  Speaker 5: that stuff. But it became part of my reality, and
• 45:24
  Speaker 5: that agency let me focus on the little, tiny places
• 45:30
  Speaker 5: where I have roll, and that in itself made me
• 45:33
  Speaker 5: feel like there was self efficacy and I was mastering something.
• 45:39
  Speaker 5: And I think getting to that place when you are
• 45:42
  Speaker 5: so stuck and when you are hopeless letting go of
• 45:45
  Speaker 5: the fact, or not even letting go, really actually holding
• 45:49
  Speaker 5: on to the fact that you could hate what you're
• 45:51
  Speaker 5: going through and it is so awful and difficult, and
• 45:56
  Speaker 5: the part of the radical acceptances you may never know
• 45:58
  Speaker 5: why you have to go through it. And so I
• 46:02
  Speaker 5: think what part was a really big, powerful shift to
• 46:07
  Speaker 5: me in the darkest place that I was, And then
• 46:09
  Speaker 5: I saw it as Wow, this is actually part of optimism.
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: It's not about optimism doesn't always feel good. That's a myth.
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: And optimism doesn't mean that you are with certainty understanding
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: or knowing how something's going to unfold, also a myth.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: Weil thank you so much for sharing the story and
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: also those powerful moments that shifted things for you, and
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: I'm so grateful that you shared those on behalf of
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: other people who might be going through something similar right
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: now where it does feel very dark and listen, I
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: know I only have a few minutes left with you.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: We need to take another super fast break, and then
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: before we wrap up, I'd love it if you could
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: share even some of the tools and the strategies that
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: you write about in the Power of Real Optimism book,
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: and also that you teach through Things are looking up.
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: Can we talk about that.
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: For just a minute so that our friends here with
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: us have even more actionable takeaways. Absolutely so, doctor Defica Chapras.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: Before we let you go, I would love it if
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: you could spend a few minutes talking about some of
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: the real world, easily accessible tools that you have developed
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: to support people through the practice of this work. Because
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: it is practice. Right, There are a lot of things
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: to think about differently, to do differently, different internal narratives,
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: and you have systems to help us tell us more.
• 47:55
  Speaker 5: Yes, it is definitely a practice. This is one of
• 47:57
  Speaker 5: my favorite myths to sort of d bunk for. People
• 48:02
  Speaker 5: will think that optimism often is a personality trait, but
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: it's actually a psychological learned skill. There are so many
• 48:10
  Speaker 5: different ways that you can increase this skill and this muscle.
• 48:13
  Speaker 5: I look at it like a muscle, and that's why
• 48:15
  Speaker 5: I created some years back that things are looking up
• 48:18
  Speaker 5: deck of cards, two different cards, and they're not affirmations.
• 48:22
  Speaker 5: They're actually actionable prompts that you can do, and most
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: of them are like less than thirty seconds. So I'm
• 48:31
  Speaker 5: a leader of micro moment and really utilizing those. And
• 48:35
  Speaker 5: so there's a number of those. But in the book
• 48:37
  Speaker 5: there is a thirty three day challenge which many of
• 48:40
  Speaker 5: them draw from the things are looking up deck of cards.
• 48:43
  Speaker 5: Some of them take you through prompts that are more
• 48:47
  Speaker 5: perspective based or cogitives.
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: Are very behavioral.
• 48:52
  Speaker 5: That I will say that the number one thing for
• 48:55
  Speaker 5: everyone to start on, I think is what I learned
• 48:58
  Speaker 5: about the brain is the brain does not prioritize growth.
• 49:02
  Speaker 5: The brain prioritizes safety, and so foremost first and foremost
• 49:06
  Speaker 5: coming up with your own unique, very tangible skills and
• 49:13
  Speaker 5: tools that you can do to feel safe and regulated.
• 49:16
  Speaker 5: And again, like I'm talking about, being able to feel
• 49:20
  Speaker 5: regulated in your parasympathetic nervous system, even for twenty seconds,
• 49:25
  Speaker 5: is very powerful. And you can still worry and be
• 49:29
  Speaker 5: ruminating during this time. This is something that is not
• 49:33
  Speaker 5: like I need to feel good to practice these, these
• 49:36
  Speaker 5: are things to do. So for me, one of the
• 49:39
  Speaker 5: things that helped me the most in my day to
• 49:41
  Speaker 5: day is doing something the four seven eight breathing technique
• 49:45
  Speaker 5: that I think a lot of people know of. I
• 49:48
  Speaker 5: think breathing is such a powerful tool and it's so accessible,
• 49:52
  Speaker 5: but this particular one there's a lot of research and
• 49:55
  Speaker 5: science behind and it's a way to reset your nervous system,
• 49:59
  Speaker 5: and and you breathe in for four, you hold your
• 50:02
  Speaker 5: breath for seven, and then you for eight. That is
• 50:06
  Speaker 5: one that I find is like generic generally for most people,
• 50:10
  Speaker 5: really helpful. I am a big believer of finding like
• 50:14
  Speaker 5: very unique tools for my clients that stick for them,
• 50:18
  Speaker 5: and so for me personally, music has always been one
• 50:22
  Speaker 5: of my biggest proactive mental health tools, like early since
• 50:26
  Speaker 5: I was a child, and so I use music a lot,
• 50:29
  Speaker 5: and in a way that is not just what you
• 50:31
  Speaker 5: would think, like.
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: Oh, music, do you use it to boost your mood.
• 50:35
  Speaker 5: Sometimes, but actually more often than not, I use music
• 50:39
  Speaker 5: to match my mood and to help sort of work
• 50:42
  Speaker 5: through something that I'm going through and feelings. So I'm
• 50:46
  Speaker 5: in it a little longer because that's what we know
• 50:49
  Speaker 5: about going through emotions is we don't just patch them up.
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: We have to actually go through them and understand. So
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: music for me is very helpful in the book sort
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: of while I've been talking about this book something early
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: readers and people that have been reading it, there's two
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: tools that I think have really stood out to most people.
• 51:11
  Speaker 5: And so I will share those with you. The first
• 51:13
  Speaker 5: one is something that I call a to dollarist, and so.
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: Like TODA, like that kind of ton okay, thank you fin.
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: That, and so many of us are very familiar with
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: the to do list.
• 51:26
  Speaker 5: It's fine and good if as long as you're using
• 51:29
  Speaker 5: it in the first part of your day. Not great
• 51:32
  Speaker 5: to make a to do list at the end of
• 51:34
  Speaker 5: the day. At the end of the day, like before sleep.
• 51:37
  Speaker 5: I recommend people making what I call it to dollist and.
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: It's literally cute. I love writing. It's literally writing down.
• 51:44
  Speaker 5: Start with just five, writing down five things that you
• 51:47
  Speaker 5: have handled or accomplished that way, and.
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: They can very small.
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: You going to start doing that.
• 51:53
  Speaker 5: Yes, it's a practice that again kind of full circle
• 51:58
  Speaker 5: takes us back to how do we end increase our
• 52:00
  Speaker 5: self mastery, self efficacy and felm, yeah, which are huge parts.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: Right, your trust in yourself, your lived experience like oh yeah,
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: I can solve problems and figure things out and do it.
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: Be very small too. It's just also a reminder that
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: you are doing so much more than you think you're doing.
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: And so when you feel like, oh my gosh, I'm
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: failing at this or you know what you started with
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: the idea of being positive, Like what we've taken from
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: this whole thing of being positive all the time, it
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: really has become performative.
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: Right, and you like you have to hide your feelings
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: because it'll be.
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: Judged, because emotions, to most people feel unwelcomed. And the
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: truth is, as humans, we were built to experience the
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: full range of human emotion that includes worry, stress, rage, grief,
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: you know all that as well as it including joyfulness, elation, excitement, curiosity,
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: all of those, and so they are not abnormal emotion,
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: but we are just made to either numb out or avoid.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: And I think getting a little more comfortable experiencing these
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: emotions that don't feel good. And that's why sometimes even.
• 53:12
  Speaker 5: Just like I'm feeling a little sad right now, I'm
• 53:15
  Speaker 5: craving to listen to this song because it's actually making
• 53:18
  Speaker 5: me feel a little more sad and grounded in my
• 53:21
  Speaker 5: emotion of why where is this coming from?
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: Like that's healthy and that's normal. Sitting at home for
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: two weeks after watching the Titanic, it's not normal. That
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: part's not normal. I couldn't handle it then.
• 53:32
  Speaker 5: And then the second one, which I hope you guys
• 53:34
  Speaker 5: will read the book because this is sort of a
• 53:37
  Speaker 5: very fast version of this and this takes come and
• 53:40
  Speaker 5: there's a chapter explaining on how to do this. But
• 53:44
  Speaker 5: I am a big believer in prescribing to my clients
• 53:49
  Speaker 5: to schedule worried and so yeah, instead of saying, oh, yes,
• 53:55
  Speaker 5: we can create this life without worry.
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: That is not true, that is not reality. But what
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: we can do and should be doing is containing our worry,
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: so really building a container for it so it's not
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: free wild, just what we're experiencing twenty four.
• 54:11
  Speaker 5: Hours a day, which many trusive, Yeah, and many of
• 54:14
  Speaker 5: us are, because it's just the way in which the
• 54:17
  Speaker 5: world we live in is set up for us.
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: Right now, we have twenty four to seven news cycle.
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: We are exposed every pain and suffering of every place,
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: every person, all over and all at one. And as
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: empathic social creatures, we were not meant to experience this
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: level of stimulation. And I'm a big believer of not
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: telling people to look the other way or ignorance is bliss.
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: But I am a big believer of containment.
• 54:45
  Speaker 5: And I think we should always know what's going on,
• 54:47
  Speaker 5: and our eyes should be open, and we should still
• 54:50
  Speaker 5: feel like we can be engaged.
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: But we need tools to equip ourselves to be able
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: to hold all that is going on in a way
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: that makes more sense and that is regulating for us.
• 55:02
  Speaker 5: And so doing worry time, I know people always look
• 55:04
  Speaker 5: at me and say, you want me to worry, And
• 55:06
  Speaker 5: I was like, I don't have to tell you to worry,
• 55:08
  Speaker 5: but I want you to be more strategic.
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: About how you worry. When you worry.
• 55:13
  Speaker 5: But there is a whole chapter in there if you
• 55:15
  Speaker 5: read it, on how to actually develop this practice, and
• 55:18
  Speaker 5: this one in particular has been very powerful personally, but
• 55:22
  Speaker 5: also just the feedback. There was a woman that was
• 55:25
  Speaker 5: interviewing me for public radio and she got the book
• 55:30
  Speaker 5: ahead of time, and so she had it for a
• 55:32
  Speaker 5: few weeks and she told me, there's all these tools,
• 55:34
  Speaker 5: but there's one in particular I've been doing for two
• 55:37
  Speaker 5: weeks and this is the first time that I've slept
• 55:39
  Speaker 5: through the night in two and a half years.
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. So it sounds like this scheduling worry,
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: but it's a really powerful tool that I guys will
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: adopt along with the tadalist. I love it.
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: Would you say that the tools, the book, the card deck,
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: are you those appropriate for kids? I'm just I'm thinking
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: about how beneficial it might be for my kids to
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: be exposed to some of these ideas. The mental resilience, Yeah,
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: I actually have.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: Things are looking up.
• 56:07
  Speaker 5: There is a kid's version which was so powerful and
• 56:10
  Speaker 5: special to me because my two older boys I've had
• 56:14
  Speaker 5: died in two year old. But when my eight and
• 56:17
  Speaker 5: five year old a couple years ago, they illustrated the
• 56:20
  Speaker 5: deck and so.
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: It is formulated.
• 56:23
  Speaker 5: There's fifty two different cards and each one has a
• 56:26
  Speaker 5: prompt or suggestion that actually increases their resiliency and optimism
• 56:32
  Speaker 5: and mindset. And so I love that for this. And
• 56:34
  Speaker 5: then I would say, people ask me all the time,
• 56:37
  Speaker 5: like we raise more optimistic children, especially in this world,
• 56:42
  Speaker 5: and I would say, you know, this was relieving to me.
• 56:45
  Speaker 5: I know there's a lot of parenting advice out there,
• 56:49
  Speaker 5: and honestly it can be noisy, and I had to
• 56:52
  Speaker 5: turn it all off because it was make me feel
• 56:53
  Speaker 5: worse than it was making me feel like empowered. But
• 56:57
  Speaker 5: one thing through, and I'm sure what you know in
• 57:01
  Speaker 5: the work is that kids don't learn from you having
• 57:04
  Speaker 5: the perfectly packaged statement.
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: And response when they're going through something. They learn through modeling.
• 57:11
  Speaker 5: And so when you are practicing these tools and you
• 57:14
  Speaker 5: are committing to what I call self worth work and
• 57:18
  Speaker 5: preasing your optimism.
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: They're watching and they see you.
• 57:21
  Speaker 5: And so when you're going through a struggle or a setback,
• 57:25
  Speaker 5: and they see how you interpret that struggle and set back.
• 57:28
  Speaker 5: And I'm not talking about saying well, things are going
• 57:31
  Speaker 5: to get better, that's not that is.
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: Not interpret or practicing.
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: Really that's not helpful.
• 57:36
  Speaker 5: No, so they learn from that, and so I think,
• 57:40
  Speaker 5: just yes, reading the tools in the book, and once
• 57:43
  Speaker 5: you read something and your brain metabolizes it, you can't
• 57:46
  Speaker 5: unsee it, and so it'll be programmed in you and
• 57:49
  Speaker 5: you might use a word or some language or try
• 57:53
  Speaker 5: a tool and not even know it, and your kids
• 57:55
  Speaker 5: are watching and they learn from that.
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: And so I think that was very comforting to me.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, such good advice, doctor deepacauz ch Opra. It has
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: been such a genuine pleasure to visit with you today.
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: You get the benefit of your wisdom, your work, your advice.
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: So thank you on behalf of our listeners.
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: Thank you and.
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: You guys check it out the power of real optimism
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: and we have the things are looking up, card decks
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: and tools. We've discussed, doctor Deep, the cut. Where would
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: people go to learn more about you? Get the stuff,
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: stay in touch.
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: I know this sounds absolutely mind boggling, but I actually
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: not on all the social media's. I choose one and
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: I am on Instagram. I love dming with people about this.
• 58:44
  Speaker 5: So if you start reading the book and it is
• 58:46
  Speaker 5: resonating with you or you have guess it's me, so
• 58:49
  Speaker 5: reach out to me a doctor Deepakachropra. My website is
• 58:52
  Speaker 5: the same doctor Zepakachropra dot com. But you can buy
• 58:54
  Speaker 5: the book Power Real Optimism everywhere you buy books. You
• 58:58
  Speaker 5: can listen to it on audio. You can buy the
• 59:00
  Speaker 5: book and then the Things Are Looking Up cards are
• 59:03
  Speaker 5: available in select stores and online That Things are Looking
• 59:07
  Speaker 5: Up dot com.
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: Amazing.
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: Thank you again so much for your time. This has
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: been wonderful.
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Thanks for having.
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: Me such a fun and also honestly very powerful conversation
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: with doctor dipaicutch O Brah. I really appreciated her authenticity
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: and talking about how the lived reality that we all
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: go through sometimes feels very challenging, especially when you are
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: dealing with legitimately objectively hard things, and that we need
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: to resist these cultural messages that we need to feel
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: okay all the time, or that there's something deeply wrong
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: and broken in us. If you know, we don't feel okay,
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: We are angry, we are sad, And I hope that,
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: if nothing else, what you heard from today's episode helps
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: you legitimize and validate your own feelings when you are
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: going through hard things and not feel like you need
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: to rush into positivity or optimism as a way of
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: shifting out of the challenges that are simply a part
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: of life, and instead think about how your resilience is
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: grown and cultivated not despite your going through hard things,
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: but actually because of them, and by learning how to
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: make even the smallest shifts in your mindset, not telling
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: yourself that everything's going to be okay because sometimes it
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: isn't right, but instead coming back into the present moment
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: and even looking for very small ways to feel a
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: tiny bit more empowered. Reconnect with your personal agency, making
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: your bed, doing the dishes right, listening to music that
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: helps you feel like how you want to feel, and
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: resist pressures from outside of yourself about needing to feel
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: anything that isn't true for you. As we observe ourselves
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: managing our moods, doing deep breathing exercises, starting to experiment
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: with a tiny little reframe in the way we're thinking.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: Every time we do one of those things, we start
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: building our trust in ourself. When you take positive action,
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: it teaches you in a very deeply felt way that
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: you can take care of you, You can do the
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: right thing, you can be counted on and trusted to
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: take effective action and that over time things do change
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: as you hang in there and make one small choice
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: after another that starts to lead you out of that
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: tunnel and into a better place. It doesn't happen fast sometimes,
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: but putting one foot in front of the other, if
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: you keep going, you will always end up in a
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: different place. And it is through the observation of yourself
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: doing that that you cultivate resilience. And for me, that
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: was one of the main themes of our conversation today
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: with doctor Deepaka. Is that optimism and real hope that
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: you can hold on to. It's not just about what
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: you are thinking or telling yourself or trying to put
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: a positive spin on it. It really isn't. It is
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: about this deep work that is grounded in resilience and
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: self trust and the kind of self confidence that no
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: one can ever take from you because you've earned it.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: So those ideas with you put them in the hopper.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: And hey, thanks again so much for spending this time
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: with me today. I talked about a lot, doctor Deepica
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: gave you some resources. I have a few for you
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: as well, if you're interested. On my website growingself dot com.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: I have a big free resources section, And as doctor
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: Deepica was talking, I was actually thinking about a resource
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: that I have. I call it my What's Holding You
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: Back assessment? And what this does is that it explores
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: different dimensions of how you are existing in the world.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: It takes a look at how you are thinking. It
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: also looks at your current ability to regulate your emotions.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: It takes a look at your behaviors. It also looks
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: at your relationships, but also the level of congruence, meaning
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: how big is the gap between where you are now
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: in terms of the way your life is and where
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: you really want to be when you think about your
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: hopes and dreams and values. And this assessment will give
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: you some feedback into some opportunities for growth and self development.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: Maybe it is managing your mindset a little bit more intentionally,
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: but maybe the action really is figuring out how to
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: do a better job of regulating your emotions and developing
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: some new competencies in that area so that you feel
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: more in command or even just more okay if you
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: don't feel okay. Like that in itself is an emotional
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: regulation skill. Being able to be okay with feeling sad
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: or upset without beating yourself up for feeling the way
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: that you feel, and so on and so forth. So
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: this assessment can give you visibility into growth opportunities, and
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: you can find it totally for free at growing self
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: dot com. It'll send you a little report immediately as
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: well as some action steps that you can use to
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: start moving forward. I will share one other thing. If
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: you're trying to work through the stuff alone, it can
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: be really challenging. I'll tell you why. Here's the reality
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: our minds they become their own echo chamber. We tend
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: to believe what we already believe and look for evidence
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: to support our existing beliefs, which can make it very
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: very difficult to shift our own perspective. It can be
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: incredibly valuable to read books that can help you think
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: new thoughts and change your mindset, and that's what we
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: were talking about today with doctor Deepakau's work. It can
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: also be very helpful to do self help type activities.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: There are exercises and techniques that if you practice them,
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: they can absolutely move the needle, and you got some
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: of those today as well. But sometimes it can be
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: incredibly powerful to be in a relationship with someone else
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: who is there for you, a helping relationship with somebody
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: who is not just insightful and intuitive, but who is
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: in a deeply caring relationship with you, and who can
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: be courageous enough to provide you with feedback or illumination
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: of blind spots that you might not be able to
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: connect with otherwise without another human showing you something that
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: maybe you didn't know about yourself before. I know personally,
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: I continue to be in relationships with different helping professionals,
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: particularly coaches that I'm aligned with, and there is nothing
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: more powerful for me than moments where they show me
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: something that I honestly didn't even know about myself. Because
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: when I have that visibility, it turns it into something
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: that I can see, and when I know it's there,
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: then I can do something intentionally to work with it.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: Maybe it is laying down a self criticism I didn't
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: even know I was holding. Maybe it is picking up
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: a new idea or a thing to remind myself of
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: that I didn't know that I needed. And what I
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: love nothing more is when one of my mentors or
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: coaches teaches me how to do something that I didn't
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: know how to do before and then holds me accountable
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: for practicing it. That's that's where it is. It's one
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: thing to know stuff, it's another thing to do stuff.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: And I personally benefit very much from having accountability partners
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: in my life. All that to say, there are so
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: many different paths of growth and if you would like
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: to do the type of work we've been talking about
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: today with a trained helping professional who can meet you
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: where you are, understand the reality, understand what you need,
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: and then help you build a plan to move forward
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: and attain it, that is exactly what we do at
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: my practice, growing Self. I have the privilege of working
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: with some of the most incredible therapists who specialize, like me,
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: in coaching, psychology and this type of growth work. Unto
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: growingself dot com, there's a big button in the corner
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: saying get connected. We'll ask you a few questions, think
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: about who on our team would be the best fit
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: for you, and then set you up with a free consultation.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: You can decide if it feels like a good fit
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: for you before moving forward, and if it does, be
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: on your way in the meantime. Thanks again so much
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: for spending this time with me today, and I will
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: be back in touch with more love, happiness and success
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: for you very soon. Until then, take care.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 3: Mpson from Basis from Basins from bel