Latest / Mental Health and the Mission of the Church / NAME YOUR NEED!

Transcript

NAME YOUR NEED! · Mental Health and the Mission of the Church

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Alright everybody.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I am uh I'm on Instagram Live, I think.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um I don't know exactly how bottom line is I couldn't get on Facebook for some reason.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: And um so I'm gonna I'll put this on Facebook a little bit later today.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna jump in and assume things are working.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they are, maybe they aren't.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: But um last week and for a while now we've been talking about how to make changes in our life, how to um just live more the way we want to, and recognizing that the greatest hindrance to the life that between us and the life that we want is ourselves.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um like I would say it this way: the biggest obstacle between you and the life you want is inside of you, not outside.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And uh we've been talking a lot around that whole thought for about three or four weeks now, using the habit cycle from a book called Atomic Habits by a guy named James Clear.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Good book, by the way.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: But um what we've been looking at is this whole idea of uh the cycle is um trigger craving response reward, trigger craving, response reward.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Something trigger got trigger triggers us, excuse me, and um it awakens a craving in us, a need, and uh we respond to that, and then we get a reward, etc.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: So what we talked about last week was two really important things.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to break cycles, if you want to live, I would I would not be afraid to use the word empowered, if you want to live more empowered in your personal life, in other words, less controlled, manipulated, and jerked around by circumstances, other people's behavior, other people giving you or not giving you what you think you need from them.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to be more empowered and less controlled, then this is really important stuff.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And last week we talked about two things that you need to learn to do.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: One is own OWN, own your response.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like different things trigger you.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of blaming and assigning responsibility, authority, and power to whatever that is that didn't work out or whoever that is, own your response.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: I re I choose my response.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And uh the second thing we talked about was own your response.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And number two we talked about last week was name your name the need.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: So you got trigger, craving, response, reward.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: The craving is built around a need.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been using my own struggles, my own challenges uh to work on that and to demonstrate it.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: And um so once you've owned your response and you've you you kind of feel like you're identifying the need that's driving the response, then um what you want to give some thought to is um is there a healthier way to get the need met?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, I've been talking about my relationship with peers, uh other leaders, other people who uh do what I do, whose acceptance I would like to have, whose uh, you know, is it is it wrong to want to be accepted by your peers?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Is it wrong for you to want to be loved and accepted by people that matter to you?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's not wrong for you to want that at all.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: But here's where here's the distinction I want to make.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I want to make a distinction between need and want.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Need and want.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: A need is something that if you don't get it, it harms you in some way.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: You need air.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't get air, you're gonna be in trouble.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: You need water, you need water.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't get water, in a very short amount of time, you're gonna be in trouble.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: You need food.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now that's where it starts to get a little interesting.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, I I struggle with keeping my weight, getting my weight.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Let's not say, let's not lie and say keeping, getting my weight where I'd like it to be.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: And part of what I realize, anytime I try to eat better, healthier, um, what I recognize is that food, I don't eat food based on need.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: I eat food based on want.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, I eat food because I want it, not just because I need it.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And how do you tell that kind of thing?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: How do you how do you kind of notice that?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or what's driving that, maybe would a better be a better way to say it.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it fits into our our our cycle very nicely.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, uh the weekend comes, my wife and I'll typically do really well during the week.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: The weekend comes, and it's been a you know, busy week, hard week, tired, whatever, and you just like, you know, I just need to celebrate.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I need to I need to do something fun.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things I turn to is food.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let's go out to eat, or let's eat something that I particularly enjoy.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the bottom line is that's not a a need.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: I need to eat pizza.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I need to eat, but I don't need to eat pizza.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's a want.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: That means I'm using food to meet a need it wasn't designed to meet.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm using one thing to meet a need that it wasn't designed to meet.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Food is fuel.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Now, back to my example.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I I've been talking about my relationship with other leaders and my my desire to be um accepted, approved, thought well of, respected, which I am, by the way, beyond what I deserve.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: But uh I get in these weird little spots where I don't react well.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so what happens is, again, remember, one of the things, if you want to own your response, name your need, learn to distinguish between what you need and what you want.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Do I need the approval and respect of my peers?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Do I need it?
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, will I be sick and unhealthy if I don't get it?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think so.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: When I get it, does it feel good?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it feels good.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: But it's important to recognize the difference between need and want.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll talk more about that when we talk about how you deal with some of this stuff.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: So, own your response, name your need.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: What's the need driving that?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: It is a need for acceptance, approval.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: What drives cycles that you get caught in?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: What's underneath there?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: What need is driving the cycle?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh a need to be approved, respected, a need to feel safe, uh, a need to feel uh capable, powerful, and I don't mean powerful in a bad way, I mean powerful in the sense that you can actually make an impact on your life and the life of others.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: So learn to distinguish between a need and a want.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's really, really helpful.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's not wrong to want, but it's it's it's unhelpful and robs you of power if you if you don't learn to distinguish between the two between needing someone's affection and wanting someone's affection.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Big, big, big difference.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because what you want to do is you want to learn to find healthier ways to get your needs met.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the keys to that is learning to distinguish between needs and wants.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And um we'll talk more about this as we get going, continuing in this vein of um talking about the cycle of habits, and uh sorry about any confusion today.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why, but I could not get Facebook Live working.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: So uh hopefully this is gonna translate well.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Appreciate all you guys jumping on here with me, and um love you guys.