Latest / Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie / How Boundaries, Perfectionism, People Pleasing Effects Your Health

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How Boundaries, Perfectionism, People Pleasing Effects Your Health · Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie

0:01
SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to the Live Well podcast.
0:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Liv, a naturopathic doctor, 7D energy healer, and a coach reader.
0:10
SPEAKER_00: I help women heal on a physical and emotional level so that they can feel delicious and magnetic.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: After all, isn't that the whole point?
0:18
SPEAKER_00: Look, you've done the basic bitch wellness stuff, but you're still bloated, tired, and in pain.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: And that's where I come in.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: In these episodes, we will have an honest conversation without all the fluffy bullshit.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna walk away with insight, tools, and tips to finally heal your body, mind, and soul.
0:35
SPEAKER_00: If you are looking to live well, you are in the right place.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: For ways to work with me, visit keepupwithlib.com and follow me on Instagram at keepup with live for more.
0:43
SPEAKER_00: And with that, let's get into the show.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: Today we are talking about boundaries, people pleasing, perfectionism, and how it affects your health.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna try not to talk too fast as I normally do.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: Oh hi Andrea.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: I was just thinking about you this morning, actually.
0:59
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I haven't talked to her in a while.
1:01
SPEAKER_00: Leave any questions you have.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: Um, I know there were a couple from my story, so I'll get to those at the end.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: But first, I'm gonna do my talking because I actually planned this live because I have key points for you.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: So let's start with people pleasing.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: People pleasing is something that you picked up when you were little because you were either told that you should put others before yourself.
1:21
SPEAKER_00: Normally, this is mom that tells you this.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: And the problem with people pleasing is that you have a deep need to be loved, accepted, and to receive that.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: Now, when you don't receive that, you're constantly searching and you're gonna constantly output yourself in hopes of getting that because you learned that it was conditional along the way.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: Now, how people pleasing shows up in your health is anxiety, trouble sleeping, IBS, IBD, diarrhea, bloating, gut issues, SIBO, insatiable sugar cravings.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: I don't think I said sugar cravings, um, and anything that's basically tied to digestion, liver, and anything like that.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: So when you are a people pleaser and you're constantly looking for everything outside of yourself, you lose that personal power and that energy, that output, that exhaustion is manifesting in your physical body.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: This is also gonna show up in your adrenals, right?
2:17
SPEAKER_00: Because when you are a people pleaser, you are constantly outputting, hoping to get that love and validation that you seek so badly, but you end up exhausting yourself and then you get exhausted adrenals and you get chronic fatigue.
2:29
SPEAKER_00: So then when your adrenals are exhausted, this will look like weight that doesn't come up, low energy, a big 3 p.m.
2:37
SPEAKER_00: slump, that wired and tired feeling.
2:40
SPEAKER_00: This is all coming back to people pleasing.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: However, you are stuck in a people-pleasing cycle because you do not feel safe to actually accept the love and you don't have enough love within yourself that you're gonna look for it outside.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: And then you actually start to resent the fact that people are not either appreciating you or they don't have your back or doing as much for you, yet you keep finding yourself extending in hopes of getting that love and validation.
3:04
SPEAKER_00: And so this is how we get the really toxic cycle of people pleasing and how this shows up physically.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: Let me know if all that makes sense.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh, extreme bloat after every meal.
3:14
SPEAKER_00: That's another physical sign of people pleasing and how that shows up in your health.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: So if you bloat after every meal, you're gonna want to look at people pleasing because chances are you are doing that.
3:25
SPEAKER_00: All right, moving on.
3:28
SPEAKER_00: So, the other note about people pleasing in your health is that people pleasing is a very scarce energy.
3:35
SPEAKER_00: It's very, I don't have enough love for myself, so let me look for another's.
3:39
SPEAKER_00: I don't have enough, it's not enough, it's not enough.
3:42
SPEAKER_00: So, lack attracts more lack.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: If you are in a state of scarcity, you're gonna have scarce health.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be, you know, bloated, you're gonna have digestive issues, you're gonna be anxious, you're gonna be depressed, you're not gonna be vibrant and glowing and feeling amazing in your body because you're attracting more scarcity and more lack through the frequency that you're putting out that, oh, I do not have enough.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: And not to mention, this is also gonna ripple into career, relationships, wealth, and all that.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: But today we're focusing just on health, but just know that that scarcity energy also ripples out into everything else.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: So your people pleasing is making you bloated, anxious, exhausted, not loving yourself, and attracting more shitty things into your life.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: Let me know that that makes sense.
4:27
SPEAKER_00: Let's go on to boundaries.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: Setting boundaries is not selfish.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: Boundaries create more love, not less.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: I posted that quote in my stories, I think, yesterday or the day before.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: Boundaries create more love, not less.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: The reason people struggle setting boundaries is because they have low self-worth.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, a part of you believes, and chances are this is a young part of you, an early childhood part of you, that believes if I were to set a boundary, I would be rejected, abandoned, die alone, have no friends, have no partner, have no whatever it was.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: Or I won't get that thing.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: I won't get the promotion if I don't overwork myself, you know, and answer Joe's emails after, you know, 7 p.m.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: on a Saturday or whatever it is.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: You do not feel safe.
5:19
SPEAKER_00: In order to set boundaries, you need to let go of the part of you that does not feel safe to set them.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: The part of you, and chances are it's a little girl, I mean, or a little boy, I think it's mostly girls watching, that does not feel safe and that thinks she's gonna be rejected and abandoned.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: Because if you do not, setting boundaries will continue to be hard.
5:37
SPEAKER_00: And not only that, if you were to try to set boundaries, it will cascade your nervous system.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: Let's say, like, you set the boundary, your nervous system is gonna be like, oh my god, oh my god, my god, we're set a boundary, oh my god, we're gonna die, oh my god, we're gonna end up alone.
5:51
SPEAKER_00: Then we get the cortisol, you get into fight or flight because you think you're gonna die, and then we get bloated, anxious, depressed, horrible digestion, adrenal fatigue, blah blah blah blah blah.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: Slash cravings for oh, sugar, cravings for sugar.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: Also, the scarcity with the people pleasing and not setting boundaries, you are so depleted that your body signals to you the only thing or the quickest thing it can get for love, comfort, and nourishment.
6:13
SPEAKER_00: And for a lot of people, that's a pack of Oreos, or that's chocolate cake, or that's a glass of wine, right?
6:18
SPEAKER_00: This is how it's all kind of coming together and kind of melding into one.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: So let's also piggyback onto this the guilt or shame, guilt slash shame that you can feel for setting boundaries.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: Most of the time, when I'm helping people work through setting boundaries, it's like I feel guilty setting no, I can't say no.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, it's my mom, it's my sister, it's blah, whatever it is.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: The guilt is coming from the fact that again, you learned that you have responsibility for someone above yourself first and foremost.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: You are not putting enough worthiness.
6:55
SPEAKER_00: This is where we have to work on the worthiness wound.
6:57
SPEAKER_00: You learned that you were not worthy of putting yourself first.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: This would be looking at did mom tell you to always put others first?
7:04
SPEAKER_00: Did you feel like you did take care of your siblings when you were younger?
7:07
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's so many different reasons why you could have a worthiness wound.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: But you're gonna have trouble setting boundaries and you're gonna have guilt if you do not have enough personal power and if you do not have enough love for yourself to be like, well, I actually can't help people if I'm not well taken care of myself.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: Right?
7:23
SPEAKER_00: Alright, looking at my notes.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: And also, the only people who will resent you for having boundaries are the people who benefited from you not having them.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: That's also something to remember.
7:34
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
7:37
SPEAKER_00: Next, about boundaries and how this affects your health.
7:40
SPEAKER_00: Setting boundaries is different than embodying those boundaries.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: Because you could be like, oh yeah, I don't answer emails after five or whatever it is.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: We're picking very like basic boundaries instead of like big things.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: And then you do, you're lacking the embodiment of those boundaries, right?
7:57
SPEAKER_00: And so when you do not have boundaries and you engage in people pleasing, this affects your health because A, you signal to your body that, oh, we don't take care of us first, you exhaust yourself, then we get adrenal fatigue, anxiety, and all the stuff I've mentioned before.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: So this all kind of turns into one big messy web all together.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
8:20
SPEAKER_00: And then, oh, another thing to know, I'm just looking at my notes.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: Right.
8:26
SPEAKER_00: When you set boundaries, you set a new standard for your life.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: So when you are healing from your health, and again, this has come up, I mean, yes, part of the work I do with people is like the supplements and all that, but a lot of the work we do with boundaries is actually getting them to set them so that their body can heal.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: Your body cannot heal from hormones or gut health or adrenal fatigue or all this if you do not have boundaries and you're not putting your health first.
8:52
SPEAKER_00: Because, and I hear all the time, oh, but my husband this or this was home, so I couldn't do this, or I couldn't do this.
8:57
SPEAKER_00: Like those are just excuses, right?
9:00
SPEAKER_00: But you're having those because you do not have proper boundaries.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: So, whatever you're trying to heal with your health, if you do not have boundaries and you're engaging in people pleasing, it doesn't matter what you are trying to heal, your body does not actually have the capacity to heal because it learns I need to do 50 other million things first, and then I can heal.
9:19
SPEAKER_00: And at the end of the day, it doesn't have capacity because you gave to Joe and Sally and the dog and the kids and this and that.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: All right, let's move on to perfectionism, and then I will go through any questions.
9:29
SPEAKER_00: I know I ran through this fast.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: I said in the beginning I'm gonna save this both to my IGTV, and I'm also gonna put it on the podcast so you can re-listen to it.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: Because I really, really want you guys to understand this is that if you are engaging in boundaries, people pleasing perfection, you are depriving yourself of more abundance, more wealth.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: You are blocking yourself when it comes to healing your skin, your gut, your anxiety, your fertility, and all of that.
9:53
SPEAKER_00: All right, perfectionism.
9:55
SPEAKER_00: Perfecism is actually the fear of abandonment and rejection in disguise.
9:59
SPEAKER_00: It is the never-ending to-do lists.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: It is the hustle, hustle, hustle.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh, if I only achieve this, then I will be enough.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: However, anytime you actually achieve something, it's not enough because you're always thinking of the next and the next and the next.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: So let's say it's like, oh, you got all this out on your to-do list, but I didn't fold the laundry or I didn't do the dishwasher or I should have maybe like gotten this promotion faster, or you know, whatever it is.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: So perfectionism is showing up in your health because you are depleted, your adrenals are burnt out, you are stuck in your masculine.
10:32
SPEAKER_00: You cannot heal your being your feminine and have healthy hormones and have great fertility if you are stuck in your masculine.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: Perfection, masculine, masculine, bad hormones, fertility issues, adrenal issues, skin issues, looking like acne, eczema, psoriasis, those are the those are the major ones.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: So then we create all this vicious loop, and of course, they all feed off of each other.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: So the huge part of all of this is that somewhere along the lines, you learned I will love you if, and you learned that things were conditional, so now you do not feel safe to set boundaries, not people please, and not keep chasing this never-ending to-do list because you will never feel enough.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, all this comes from you do not feel enough, and you do not feel worthy.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: That is my now 11-minute rant on all of that.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to um ask some questions or answer some of the questions.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: Let me know if you have any questions about any of this content.
11:37
SPEAKER_00: There were some in the I had in my stories that aren't here anymore.
11:41
SPEAKER_00: Someone asked about Savannah, you asked about boundaries or how to have boundaries with your partner.
11:48
SPEAKER_00: That was a good question.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: I remember seeing that.
11:50
SPEAKER_00: It was really good.
11:50
SPEAKER_00: So she struggles setting boundaries with her partner uh because you don't want to be alone.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: If you do not want to be alone, that is a sign that you are avoiding shit that you need to deal with.
11:59
SPEAKER_00: If you're scared of being alone, that means you think you're going to die.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: In order to get over that, you need to see what is at the bottom of that.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: If you are alone, what are you actually afraid is going to happen?
12:11
SPEAKER_00: What feelings are you trying to suppress?
12:13
SPEAKER_00: I actually know people who literally cannot be alone with themselves.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: They always have to have a podcast playing, watching something, calling a friend in the car.
12:21
SPEAKER_00: Like they actually cannot be alone because it brings up so much stuff.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: That is a sign that you have trauma that you need to release.
12:27
SPEAKER_00: Look at what you're actually afraid of happening, and then, like, is that actually true?
12:31
SPEAKER_00: Because, like, chances are, like, if your partner's not there and you're alone for the night, you're not gonna die.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: How do I have more faith in the universe?
12:40
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I know I shouldn't even try to control and things, but I know I don't know how to just let things flow.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you do not have faith in the universe because you are stuck in your masculine.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: You are stuck in your masculine because somewhere along the line, you did not have a safe representation of the masculine.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: So you had to go there for yourself in order to create that safety.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: So then you are unable to get into your feminine and trust the flow of life because you are trapped in that safety that you're trying to bring in through yourself, through the masculine.
13:10
SPEAKER_00: What you need to do is you need to identify where it is that I lost trust in the flow of the universe and reprogram, rewire, and release that.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: I'll give an example.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to hop on and let you guys know that goddess activation is officially open.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: I know a lot of you have been waiting, and the time is now here.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: Look, you deserve to feel delicious in the skin you are in and to love not only the life that you are living, but yourself so that you become a natural magnet to everything you desire and live more in alignment.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: We are gonna be doing all the emotional releasing, and plus, you get the tools, techniques, and reprogramming to live life with so much pleasure that your heart radiates.
13:50
SPEAKER_00: And you'll be able to connect with other goddesses who are igniting their self-love in a high vibe community.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: So if you engage in negative self-talk, people pleasing, don't set boundaries or hate your body, this is your side.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: So I've been there and it sucks.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: But what you have to understand is that when you love yourself on a truly deep bubble, everything in your life improves.
14:09
SPEAKER_00: Your relationships, your friendships, your magnetism, your happiness, even how much money you make.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: Everything in life is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself and what you believe you are worthy and deserving of.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: So let's start living a life where you feel magnetic and delicious in your body.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: It's four weeks to awaken your inner goddess and ignite your self-love.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: So get in.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: We are healing and falling in love with life.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: Check out the link in the description and DM me any questions.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: See you guys inside.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: One of my clients uh was stuck in their masculine, and she felt the need to control because she was gonna be a pro athlete and she's on like the thing to be, I don't know what they're called, pro people.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: Well, well, you know what I mean.
14:44
SPEAKER_00: Anyways, and she got an injury to her knee.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: It was like soccer.
14:47
SPEAKER_00: And so her she lost trust in the universe then because she's like, oh my god, why did this happen?
14:52
SPEAKER_00: Injured my knee.
14:53
SPEAKER_00: I was gonna, I don't know if it was Olympics or pro, whatever they're called.
14:56
SPEAKER_00: You guys get what I mean.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: You have to identify where you lost trust and how to build trust.
15:00
SPEAKER_00: Now, it can be one moment like that, but it can also be mom being like, you have to work really hard, um, life is hard, um, you have to hustle and grind, anything like that.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: And what makes you think it would not work out?
15:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna add that.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: Alright, guys, keep coming with any questions to do with boundaries, people pleasing, perfectionism, and how that shows up in your health.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: So, how that shows up in gut health, hormones, fertility, acne, eczema, psoriasis, adrenal fatigue, oh, headaches.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: If you are perfectionism, chances are you have a degree of headaches and or migraines that you're struggling with.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: That's another way perfectionism can show up in your health because the perfectionism has so much pressure on it, and you're like, oh my god, if I could only be enough, if I could only do all these things, and all that energetic pressure that within your body is gonna manifest through headaches and migraines.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: So if you also struggle with those, um chances are you need to release perfectionism.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: And of course, we can release all of that in goddess activation.
16:13
SPEAKER_00: Alright, guys, any questions at all about how to set boundaries, people pleasing?
16:20
SPEAKER_00: Hi.
16:21
SPEAKER_00: Because I really want to make sure that you guys understand this and how it's affecting your health every single day.
16:27
SPEAKER_00: Because you can take this is why when people come to you, they're like, I eat clean.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: Like normally they come to me, they're already gluten-free, dairy-free, they've tried some supplements or some protocols, and it's not working, and they wonder why, and they're so frustrated.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, Because you're not setting boundaries, you're people pleasing, and you're a perfectionist.
16:45
SPEAKER_00: This is the answer to why you're still struggling with these symptoms.
16:48
SPEAKER_00: If you feel like you've been through countless protocols and you've cleaned up your diet and you exercise and all of that, right?
16:56
SPEAKER_00: This is what we talk about when I talk about doing the deep work, it's much more than like a face mask, you know, and all of that for self-care.
17:03
SPEAKER_00: It's actually doing the rewiring, the reprogramming, because that, and I cannot believe I'm saying this, might actually matter even more than the food.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: The food's important, you gotta eat like well, don't get me wrong, take care of your body.
17:15
SPEAKER_00: But do you ever notice how like you're eating clean, you got protein, healthy fats, I don't know, avocado toast and sweet potato, but you're still getting bloated after meals.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, you're getting up early, you're moving, you're meditating, you're eating like gluten-free, all that, but you're still exhausted.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: Or you're still not feeling magnetic, or you're wondering why you're still not manifesting.
17:39
SPEAKER_00: You see, how can I stop being a perfectionist with my diet?
17:42
SPEAKER_00: I keep messing up.
17:43
SPEAKER_00: So well, A, there's there's so many flaws to that question.
17:46
SPEAKER_00: It's not about being a perfectionist, but get the fact that you think you have to mess up, and the fact that you think it's a diet is where the programming is.
17:53
SPEAKER_00: So, Sabs, it sounds like you are stuck in your masculine because when we are stuck in our masculine, we are hyper-body focused and we are hyper direction focused.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: Body focus obviously is stuck in your body.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: Direction is um getting degrees, getting promotions, and everything like that.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: You actually have to go back and release the part of you, the perfectionist, what do you believe will happen if you mess it up?
18:16
SPEAKER_00: If you mess up your diet, quote unquote.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: Like, not that we mess up diets or ever should feel guilt or shame, but hypothetically, what is it?
18:22
SPEAKER_00: Is it like, oh, I won't lose weight, and then I won't find a partner, and then I won't get married, and then I won't have kids, and then I'll die alone.
18:28
SPEAKER_00: Like, what is that trail of events that you are afraid of?
18:32
SPEAKER_00: Red is a great way to start.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: I know I have trauma, at least being told no as a kid.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: My parents are Syrian, I'm 32 and develop eczema on a protocol, but need help perfectionism.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: Um, a great way to start actually would be to join Goddess Activation because we can heal your skin and we can release the perfectionism.
18:49
SPEAKER_00: Eczema is also, just so you know, if you've got eczema, you have a lot of pent-up emotion that you need to release out that's coming out through your skin.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: So chances are you've probably suppressed a lot of emotions that were actually supposed to be let out, and your body is smart, it's energy, it's an energetic thing, it needs to push them out.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: Like when you have emotions and tears, right?
19:10
SPEAKER_00: Tears are a great example of how emotions become physical.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: All the stuff you're not releasing, sorry, I didn't see your name.
19:16
SPEAKER_00: Michelle, um, is coming out through your eczema.
19:19
SPEAKER_00: Not losing weight.
19:20
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so Sabs, what are you actually afraid of by not losing weight?
19:23
SPEAKER_00: That's what you need to heal.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: And we can do that in goddess activation.
19:30
SPEAKER_00: Alright, any more questions?
19:32
SPEAKER_00: This was a nice, like, to the point line.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: You are so welcome.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: Is there a connection between perfectionism and skin rashes on the face and cheeks?
19:48
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: So when you are a perfectionist, you the draining and the exhausting that perfectionism is, also being in your masculine, makes your liver not work properly and makes your digestion not work properly.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: That will make it come out through your skin.
20:05
SPEAKER_00: So that's why it's very important to heal your feminine energy and to get out of the masculine and into the feminine, Jennifer, so that you can heal your skin.
20:13
SPEAKER_00: And I know this because I I had severe cystic acne on my face, eating the cleanest diet, thousands of dollars on supplements, and it wasn't until I healed the emotional stuff that it fully went away.
20:23
SPEAKER_00: 100% of connection.
20:25
SPEAKER_00: It's the pressure of perfectionism, it's the draining of perfectionism and all that that is contributing to the rashes.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: Once you oh, where'd it go?
20:37
SPEAKER_00: Once you identify what's causing perfectionism, people pleasing, how do you release it?
20:41
SPEAKER_00: Is it just the practice of disproving that belief?
20:43
SPEAKER_00: No.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: So you have to actually do trauma release in order to release it.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: You can practice going forward just trying to disprove it, however, you have no proof.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: You have to go back and rewire your brain to when it learned that it needed to people please and needed to engage in perfectionism.
21:02
SPEAKER_00: Because your body needs to feel safe.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: If you went after this and like, think about it like, do you want it to take six years or six months, or like three years or three months?
21:11
SPEAKER_00: If you were to go Savannah tonight and try to stop people pleasing perfectionism, it would be very hard because your body does not feel safe because of the trauma experiences of people from the past that made you learn that it wasn't safe.
21:24
SPEAKER_00: So you go try to do it, and your nervous system is gonna be like, oh my god, oh my god, we're gonna die, oh my god, we're gonna do this, oh my god, oh my god.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: Versus if you release some of the trauma after you're like, Alright, it's gonna be tough, it's a little hard, we're gonna push that edge, but there's a difference between pushing the edge and getting into an unrealm of safety and pushing it hard that you re-traumatize yourself.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: This is why you cannot do your own trauma healing, you will re-traumatize.
21:52
SPEAKER_00: Alright, next question How to heal your relationship with food when recovering from an eating disorder?
21:58
SPEAKER_00: I struggle with perfectionism once.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Trying to change what I eat and also not trigger my eating disorder.
22:04
SPEAKER_00: Your relationship with food is your relationship to the feminine.
22:08
SPEAKER_00: If you have a shit relationship with food, you have a shit relationship with the feminine.
22:13
SPEAKER_00: You actually need to heal your feminine energy and your representation of why do you believe the feminine is weak?
22:18
SPEAKER_00: Do you feel like it's unsafe to be in your feminine?
22:20
SPEAKER_00: Is there sexual trauma?
22:22
SPEAKER_00: Is there rejection?
22:23
SPEAKER_00: Is there abandonment?
22:24
SPEAKER_00: Are there parents that weren't telling you you weren't enough?
22:27
SPEAKER_00: Um, is there shaming around your body?
22:29
SPEAKER_00: Like, did mom tell you you were fat, or did society tell you you were fat?
22:33
SPEAKER_00: Or like there's like 50 million things it could be, but you gotta heal your feminine energy if you want to heal your relationship with food.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: That's massive, but fantastic question.
22:50
SPEAKER_00: What if you have trouble identifying the first time it started happening?
22:53
SPEAKER_00: That's the advantage of like working with someone like me because chances are you've suppressed it so much in your subconscious that you don't know.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: And I've shared about so many stories on um my podcast, my Instagram about how people didn't know, and then I went back and saw it, and then we released it.
23:10
SPEAKER_00: Like I can see, like one for example, the one of my clients, her fear of rejection came from when she was like five years old, she was at a friend's house, and her friend was putting ketchup on her pancakes.
23:21
SPEAKER_00: She had a fear of ketchup.
23:23
SPEAKER_00: Fine.
23:24
SPEAKER_00: When you're five, you can have a fear of ketchup, and everyone at the table was laughing at her fear of ketchup.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: So she felt rejected.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: We bent back and we released it, but she would never have known that if I hadn't taken her back in her subconscious.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: But then when we discovered that we could release it, and now she no longer has a fear, her skin cleared up, she's thriving, having amazing, passionate sex with her boyfriend, and it's magical, right?
23:43
SPEAKER_00: So you're having trouble because it's in your subconscious, and you need help.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: How do we heal our feminine and still integrate the masculine in a balanced way?
23:56
SPEAKER_00: Great question.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: You need to create enough of a safe masculine container for your feminine to flow.
24:03
SPEAKER_00: So think about it like a glass container, and the container itself is the masculine, and the water is the feminine.
24:12
SPEAKER_00: If there isn't enough of a safe masculine structure that you can create, your feminine will not feel safe to flow.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: Now, what you need to do is you need to make sure you're not trying to be both the container and the water.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: Now, I will be honest, I have never seen anyone have trouble with their masculine, being in their masculine.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: Like I know there are people out there who are too much in their feminine.
24:37
SPEAKER_00: They have I've never like worked with them.
24:40
SPEAKER_00: The people who come to me are always like hard stuck in their masculine, so the masculine is not normally something we have to worry about.
24:45
SPEAKER_00: It's we normally have to worry just about the feminine and getting more into that.
24:49
SPEAKER_00: But great question.
24:52
SPEAKER_00: On top of it with the questions.
24:55
SPEAKER_00: Alright, any more questions about any of this, any of this topic?
25:06
SPEAKER_00: Alright then, in summary, people pleasing boundaries and perfectionism is ruining your relationship with food, your skin, your gut, your hormones, fertility, I think I named everything.
25:18
SPEAKER_00: Exhaustion, energy levels, creating more scarcity in your life.
25:23
SPEAKER_00: And if you want to heal that, get into os activation is essentially the synopsis.
25:28
SPEAKER_00: Any final questions before I head out?
25:44
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
25:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm going to save this to my IGTV.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: I'll also throw it up on the podcast as well.
25:51
SPEAKER_00: If you have any questions, oh, I think there's one more question about what I said.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: Let me know.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: Um, send me a DM and I can let you know, like if it's a trouble with the feminine, masculine, I can let you know kind of how that's showing up in your body.
26:03
SPEAKER_00: There is one more question, so I'll answer this.
26:06
SPEAKER_00: What do you need to work on when you're having trouble staying present and passionate in the bedroom?
26:10
SPEAKER_00: Getting into your feminine.
26:13
SPEAKER_00: It's not about a lack of love, it's about lack of you feeling safe to let go in the in the bedroom because you do not feel safe in your feminine.
26:22
SPEAKER_00: If you cannot have sex with the lights on naked and be like, woo, then you're not safe in your feminine.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: We gotta heal that.
26:31
SPEAKER_00: We gotta release the trauma, get into goddess, so we can release that because you're not feeling safe.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: How to be in your feminine when tired.
26:39
SPEAKER_00: Look at what's exhausting you.
26:41
SPEAKER_00: You're doing too much.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Like, that is a symbol, like burnout exhaustion is a symbol of being too much in your masculine.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: You are doing too much.
26:50
SPEAKER_00: Like, you just can't.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: The feminine is meant to receive.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: You have to look at your energetic balance.
26:56
SPEAKER_00: You are giving way too much than you're receiving.
26:59
SPEAKER_00: Now, I understand obviously there are certain life things you need to do, whether you are, you know, job, maybe kids, wife, whatever it is, then you need to energetically balance that with how much you receive.
27:09
SPEAKER_00: But then you also need to feel safe to receive.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: You need to have that balance.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: Alright, look great.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: Last two final questions.
27:16
SPEAKER_00: Like I said, I will save this.
27:18
SPEAKER_00: Any questions, let me know.
27:20
SPEAKER_00: Goddess is open until the 15th, so five more days.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: Um, if you want to heal any and all of this, honestly.
27:26
SPEAKER_00: Uh, any questions, let me know.
27:28
SPEAKER_00: And I will talk to you guys soon.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: Bye, guys.