Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Don't become the narcissist's biggest flying monkey in your life

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Don't become the narcissist's biggest flying monkey in your life · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we are talking about how you should not be the narcissist
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  biggest fly monkey in your toxic relationship.
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  Don't be their biggest supporter in your abusive situation if
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  you're new here. My name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back, welcome back, Welcome back folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes. So this is not me trying to this
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  is. Let me go ahead and lead off by
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  saying this because I know people like to take take my
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  words and misinterpret them and just hop in my comment section.
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  Be angry as hell. Leave.
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  Bah Bah Bah. This is not me trying to victim
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  blame anybody. This is not me trying to victim
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  blame or victim shame, whatever. Y'all you know, This is me
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  trying to help people transition from victim to survivor to
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  thriver, right? And the best way to do one of
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  the best ways to do that is to not become the biggest fly
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  monkey in your own toxic relationship.
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  You don't want to be the narcissist, biggest supporter in
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  your own toxic relationship. What I mean by that, it's like
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  you help them isolate you. You help them.
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  You help enable their behaviors somewhat by making excuses for
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  those behaviors. Like you tell your family and
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  friends. Like, hey, look, I got cheated
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  on my partner, cheated on me, but it's kind of my fault
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  because I fell asleep early one night and instead of being there
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  and taking care of their needs, I fell asleep.
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  So I feel bad about it. You make excuses for the
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  horrible things that you that they do to you.
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  You become their biggest flying monkey.
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  You don't want to do that. Yeah, because when you do that,
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  you alienate yourself from so many damn people that the only
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  person that you can turn to is the narcissist or the toxic
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  person. You turn on your family and
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  friends. You turn on your parents, You
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  turn on your siblings, you turn on your Co workers.
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  You turn on every single person that's there to take up for you
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  that's there to support you. You turn on them in support of
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  that narcissistic, toxic person. I see this happening all the
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  time like you. Like they'll cheat on you, do
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  something horrible to you, beat you up, you got a restraining
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  order on them and everybody be rooting for you.
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  And then the next thing you know, you'll be posting a
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  picture online with you and your toxic person, smiling, teasing,
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  what's, you know, what's understood, don't need to be
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  explained. Well, one of my friends did
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  that. Y'all he alienated, he had, he
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  had a relationship with a toxic woman, right?
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  He alienated the hell out of himself.
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  He going to put like she this is a real life situation.
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  She was lying to him, beating on them like she was.
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  She was, she was aggressive. And I I know the girl, so I know
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  this to be true. She was an aggressive woman and
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  she was cheating on him, beating on him like threatened to expose
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  like tapes of him and all kinds of stuff.
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  Like doing stuff. Like, yeah, man, just doing
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  stuff. And we were everybody was
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  supporting him. Everybody was there for him.
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  We were like, we will leave, leave alone, man.
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  Leave this. Before I even knew about toxic
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  relationship job, I leave him. I knew it was toxic, but I knew
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  this before I knew about narcissistic people.
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  And then all of a sudden he posted a picture online like
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  what's understood don't need to be explained.
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  I was like, wait, what? Like posting a picture on her,
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  hugging and kissing on her and stuff like that.
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  Like after all this advice, after all this stuff we went
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  through with him to help him get all that types of relationship,
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  went right back into it like this.
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  And I called him, I'm like, what's up man?
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  Hook up on me. I ain't look, hook up on me and
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  we ain't been. This is years ago.
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  And you know, I cut people off. I'm gonna, I I have the person I
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  do. So I cut them off.
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  I'm like, look, I tell my wife I ain't talking to him no more.
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  She's like, I've been friends for a decade.
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  I'm not talking to him anymore. And he alienated himself against
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  so many people. He became her biggest flying
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  monkey even though she threatened to expose him, even
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  though she threatened to do so much stuff to him.
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  She became his biggest flying monkey like he was.
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  She was attacking people. He started attacking people
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  online. They were defending him against
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  the stuff that she had posted. She had posted some revealing,
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  embarrassing stuff about him online.
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  He was in the comment section defending her.
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  Y'all. Don't really know what the hell
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  is going on behind the scenes. Whatever.
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  Y'all. Don't know what I did, what
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  everybody's like, what it was blowing everybody's mind.
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  Everybody had lost their own. Everybody was like what they it
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  was crazy. But that's what happens.
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  You don't want to put yourself in that situation because you
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  go, you go losing, losing a lot of friends, a lot of family
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  members in this situation right here because of it.
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  Y'all. You don't want to get trapped
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  into that and sucked into that because they will.
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  They can't. And it will absolutely happen to
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  so many people. You know it, it does.
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  It just it can and it will happen to so many damn people.
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  That's why I'm that's why I'm making this video.
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  You don't want to become their biggest flying monkey.
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  Like even if they leave you for somebody else and they come back
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  to you, you're attacking people that are defending you.
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  You're attacking. You're making excuses for their
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  behaviors. You're making excuses for how
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  they are treating you, making excuses for how they're doing
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  you. You're making all these excuses
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  and things like that. You just are.
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  And I'm just trying. I want to.
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  My goal is to wake so many people up to understand this
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  right here when you are defending their toxic behaviors
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  against you. Narcissists love that.
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  They don't have to say or do anything else because you are
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  defending them. You are defending me right now.
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  I don't have to say or do anything like you.
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  You are my biggest, you are my biggest defense.
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  Like I don't have to say or do anything and you're going to
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  defend me. Nice.
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  I love this like I don't have to say or do anything, but you are
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  going to defend me regardless of what I do, right?
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  They love that narcissist love that when you become their
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  biggest flying monkey or their biggest supporter, they know
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  they got you, they know they got you.
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  And this also happens like if like, and this happened so many
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  times, y'all, if the narcissist leaves somebody for you, you
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  become their flying monkey in abusing their ex.
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  The old supply. You might be the narcissist new
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  supply and you become their fly monkey and start defending them
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  and making excuses for their behaviors against their new,
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  against their ex. You know what I mean?
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  Against their ex now. Now you are supporting them
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  being abusive to somebody else. Y'all that's what I'm just
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  trying. I see this happening all the
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  time. I'm trying to wake so many
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  people up. Like, y'all, I know like last
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  year during this time I said I say I'm going to get a little
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  bit more aggressive. I'm becoming at people harder
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  this year because I want more people to win.
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  I have to, I'm extending this. My profile stuff is going to
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  change. I want more people to win and
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  the only way to help people win is to help people wake up.
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  Like you don't want to keep supporting their toxic behaviors
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  towards you Because not only is going to be isolating for
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  yourself and you feel like you have nobody in your corner, that
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  narcissistic person is going to feel like they can get away with
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  anything and everything because I have your full support.
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  You're supporting me for abusing you.
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  I'm being abusive to you and you're supporting me.
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  Yeah, I know the trauma bond exists.
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  I know all of this stuff. This is not, this is not me
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  being ignorant about that. I'm trying to wake you up to the
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  fact that the trauma bond exists.
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  I'm trying to wake you up to the fact that that low self esteem
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  exists. I I understand that.
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  This is not me trying to do like, oh, this doesn't exist.
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  I know it exists. I understand that.
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  But I have to help try to wake people up to the idea that,
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  like, this person is going to keep doing this to you because
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  why wouldn't they? If I can do all of this to you,
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  I can get away with it. Why would I stop?
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  That's the mind. It's so it can be such a black
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  and white mindset when you're dealing with Narcissus job.
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  If I'm getting getting away with everything that I'm doing to
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  you, why would I stop? Because Lee, they love us and
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  care about us. Why would I stop?
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  That's a question you have to ask yourself.
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  If I'm treating you badly and this is my normal behaviors, why
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  would I change my behaviors to make you feel better?
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  Why? Why would I change my behaviors
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  to help you out in any way, shape, or form?
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  Why would I stop? And this is not me trying to be
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  mean, this is me trying to get me to help you understand that.
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  Why would they stop? Why would they change these
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  behaviors? Believe.
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  They say they love this and they cared about it.
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  What are their actions saying? Are their actions saying that
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  they love you and care about you?
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  Are their actions saying that they they they want to be there
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  for you and they love you and they they going to treat you the
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  best? All right, what are their
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  actions saying? Because to me it doesn't seem
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  like their actions are saying that to me.
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  It seem like their actions are saying hey, thanks for thanks
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  for allowing me to get away with all of this stuff is is greatly
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  appreciated. That's what seems like to me
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  what the actions are saying. That's why I'm trying to wake so
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  many people up this year. Y'all at the end of this year
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  and going into the next year I'm waking up my goal.
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  I'm. I'm.
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  Yeah, I'm about to be a world changer.
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  Could there be delusions of grandeur for me?
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  Yeah, absolutely. But I'm aware of it, you know,
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  I'm aware of my delusions. I'm aware, I'm aware of this
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  type of stuff, you know. But I want to help you all wake
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  up. I want to help you all heal
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  because I have to understand, if you catch yourself, y'all, if
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  you wake yourself up right now, you catch yourself in this
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  situation, like, you know what? Lee's right.
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  They mess. They mess with my mind.
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  They're doing all this stuff they do.
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  They mess with my mind. They're doing all this stuff to
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  me. They got me supporting them
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  through every single thing that they're doing to me.
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  They have me looking because they yeah, this is, this is the
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  operative word. They're going to have you
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  looking silly, right? Narcissist love when they have
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  you looking silly. They love that y'all.
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  They love it when they have you out here looking silly, being
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  there, flying monkey being there.
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  They they're going to call you their ride or die.
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  That's the word they they that's the word they're going to use
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  for you. They're going to call you their
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  ride or die. You know, they're going to say,
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  oh, look at my ride or die. This is my ride or die right
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  here. Ride or die, ride or die for the
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  world. They're going to keep doing that
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  type of stuff, y'all until they can manipulate you, manipulate
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  the hell out of you and drain you of your resources.
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  And then I'm going to end up with this right here.
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  This is what happens a lot of times when you support them,
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  when you support them through all of the toxicity, through all
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  the abuse, through the treating you badly, through treating the
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  kids badly, whatever you support them, when you become their
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  biggest supporter or their biggest flying monkey in this
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  situation, they end up leaving you for someone else.
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  And then they leave you all alone because your support
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  system is turned against you. Because now you didn't turn, you
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  didn't turn them against you. And a lot of y'all might be
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  feeling that pressure right now, that everybody has turned
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  against you because you've been supporting this person through
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  thick and thin. You've been supporting this
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  person through all the abuse. You've been supporting this
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  person through all the manipulation.
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  You've been supporting this person through all of this type
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  of stuff. Y'all.
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  And I just say that y'all it does not get better over time.
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  The more you support them the more that they they think that
• 11:00
  they can get away with. Anyways y'all hop off right now
• 11:03
  you're here to be at a one-on-one.
• 11:04
  One on ones is still available at mentalillness.net.
• 11:07
  Thank you for tuning in like and subscribe for more and as always
• 11:10
  y'all. But then this is a piece I don't
• 11:13
  try to I'm not trying to hurt anybody's feelings or stoke the
• 11:15
  flames or anything like that. But like what you allow in these
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  types in these types, what you allow in these types of
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  relationships is what is going to continue, right.
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  They feel like because you you allow this to happen.
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  You allow me not to work for 2341015 years.
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  Why do I need to work now? You know and you have kids,
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  right? Like I said, sometimes you you
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  end up being, you end up taking care of the household and the
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  you end up paying the bills and you got to take care of the kids
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  where they really literally, seriously don't offer you any
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  type of help. They don't offer you any type of
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  assistance. They feel like because you're
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  here and this has been going on for so long that you just need
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  to tolerate it. You need to deal with this
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  because, hey, you're OK. Why you Are you not OK with
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  this? How come you're not OK with this
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  right now? You were.
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  You've been OK with it for years, but now you're not OK
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  with it. They'll make you feel bad about
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  trying to hold them accountable, by trying to make them work, By
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  trying to get them to contribute.
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  Yes, Narcissistic bums. I'm telling you, they come in
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  all shapes. Colors, creeds, religions,
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  heights, weight, whatever gender, whatever.
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  I'm telling you, they will take advantage of this situation as
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  long as they think they're allowed to do this.
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  I've seen this happen before and they'd be like y'all when y'all
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  were working and taking care of the kids.
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  They they'll cheat on you. Y'all were taking care of them.
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  Kids, job, household. And they will cheat on you and
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  they'll blame you for not having time for them.
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  Now. Oh my God, I see this happen so
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  much like you will be there for them.
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  You'll be doing a lot of this stuff for them and then they'll
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  cheat on you and blame you for this type of stuff.
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  They will. They will absolutely go all out.
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  You know what I mean? They will do.
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  They will blame you. They'll cheat on you just like,
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  well, you don't have enough time for me.
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  You always doing. You taking care of the house,
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  take care of her. We taking care of the bills.
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  But you don't have time for me. What?
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  And they feel entitled. And so many people.
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  They beat you down emotionally and mentally so much that they
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  feel like you. You take, you take
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  accountability for it. You listen to them.
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  You believe them. They beat you down so much
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  mentally that they have you feeling in a certain type of
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  way. They beat you down mentally,
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  emotionally, physically, that they have you a certain type of
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  way. They they get you like this.
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  Y'all. They love it.
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  They love it and they'll keep doing it.
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  If you forgive them one time, they'll keep doing it.
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  And this is what happens. Y'all and I've.
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  I've talked to so many people over the last few years and this
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  is what happens. They will do all of their stuff,
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  right? They will mentally beat you
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  down, do all of this stuff to you, right?
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  And then they'll blame you. And then they'll leave you for
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  somebody else. You've taken care of them for
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  years, and they'll leave you for somebody else, hurt your
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  fellows, put you through it, break you down, use, abuse you,
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  and then leave you for somebody else, even though you've been
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  taking care of them for years. And they will say something
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  like, well, you didn't have to do that.
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  I thought it would. OK, now you're trying to make me
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  feel bad for you to decide to take care of me.
• 14:07
  Yeah. I'm telling you, if you're in
• 14:08
  this situation right now, it's not going to get better if they
• 14:11
  haven't worked in three, four, 5-10 years by their own choice.
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  I know everybody's situation is different.
• 14:15
  This is not me. This is not me.
• 14:16
  Picking on stay at home moms and dads that are actually
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  contributed and contributing to the household by taking care of
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  the kids or actually working and doing things like that.
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  I'm talking about the people who don't do anything.
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  Y'all know there's a big difference.
• 14:29
  I'm talking about people who don't do anything.
• 14:30
  They don't cook, they don't clean, they don't take care of
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  the kids, they don't do anything.
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  They don't pay no bills. They're just there.
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  Bean buns playing video games, whatever going out with their
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  friends, whatever it is, there's just like another child in your
• 14:42
  household to take care of you know.
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  So hope this video about you some clarity.
• 14:46
  If they haven't worked and they they just.
• 14:48
  I'm not going to worry about how I do that.
• 14:49
  I'm not hoping on that you guys wow you will maybe take you will
• 14:52
  maybe take a job that's less than what I should be making.
• 14:54
  Wow you really don't care about me.
• 14:56
  You want me to be embarrassed and then we just be bummed for
• 14:59
  years upon years and about years.
• 15:00
  Y'all. Anyways y'all hope this video
• 15:02
  watches some clarity. Hope you watches some peace.
• 15:04
  Make sure you like and subscribe.
• 15:05
  If you're already having y'all, we're closing in on 400,000.
• 15:07
  I appreciate every single one of you, but to this is out peace.
• 15:11
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 15:13
  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
• 15:16
  for being here. If you haven't already, make
• 15:18
  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 15:20
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 15:22
  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 15:25
  kids. But remember it's not your fault
• 15:28
  on Amazon so check that out. Thank you.
• 15:30
  I will see you in the next video.
• 15:31
  Peace.