Latest / The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast / YOUR RISE WILL CREATE ENEMIES:☠️💀 Why Your Growth Makes Some People Uncomfortable

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YOUR RISE WILL CREATE ENEMIES:☠️💀 Why Your Growth Makes Some People Uncomfortable · The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast

• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Black sheep, here's something I want you to think about.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever noticed how some people are perfectly comfortable with you struggling?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: They'll listen to your problems, they'll sympathize with your setbacks, and even encourage you when you're going through.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: But the moment you start getting your life together and leveling up, and God forbid you start leveling up more than them, something changes.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: The compliments become a little bit quieter, the jokes they get sharper, all of a sudden they're trying to humble you, and suddenly the same person who encouraged you to do better seems uncomfortable and upset when you actually start doing better for yourself.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: What is that about?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, sometimes your growth changes the role that you play in somebody else's life, and not everybody knows how to adjust when you stop being the person that they got used to or the person that they're feeling sorry for.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: But here's where we must be careful.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Not everyone who questions your success and ascension is jealous.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Not everybody who disagrees with you is threatened, and not everybody who becomes distant is secretly plotting your downfall.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, truly, people are dealing with their own lives, but other times, and in my personal experience, more times than not, there really is a pattern that is worth paying attention to.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And today we're gonna learn how to tell the difference.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: I want to welcome you to the Black Sheep Leadership Podcast.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Athena Renee, and this is where the underdogs, misfits, and the black sheets come to turn pain into power so they can build a life by design and leave a legacy behind.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if this is your first time tapping in, welcome home, family.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Pull up a chair.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad that you're here.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're back again, welcome back, fam.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank you so much for trusting me with your time.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't take that lightly.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's do this quick vibe check.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're easily offended, sensitive, entitled, and waiting on somebody to come save you or allergic to accountability, this ain't your safe space.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: So go ahead and tap out now.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're ready to think bigger, move smarter, and you refuse to lose and live beneath your potential, stay locked in, my friend.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because I got something for you in the end that you'll be able to use to execute immediately.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Alright?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get to work.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Today's intel briefing.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Today's intel briefing is called Your Rise Will Create Enemies.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And why your growth makes people uncomfortable.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Let me just say this up front.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Your rise, it doesn't automatically create enemies, but growth can reveal tensions, emotions, compete and compare people, and relationship dynamics that were easier to ignore when you're just staying in the same place.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: And some people really will resist the changes that you're making.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: They just gonna do it.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: The question is, how do you recognize what's happening without turning everybody around you into a suspect?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Let's unpack it.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, because this episode is really important for black sheep because number one, you are the black sheep.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times with black sheep, you do not get your success, your level up, or your ascension in the in a social standardized way.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: What I mean by that, if majority of the people get married by a home and have a family by 30, 35, as a black sheep, a lot of times things happen later.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Even your success, even figuring out your career or your business.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times we are also late bloomers.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: But even if you are not a late bloomer, because our lives a lot of times are very unconventional in general, our complete journey.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is what makes you a black sheep.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just keep it 100.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people count you out.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: They count you out, they put you in a safe little box, they put you on a shelf, like an elf on a shelf, and on a in a holiday season, they look at you then, right?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: So we need to unpack these different ways that you'll be able to recognize the difference.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, number one, what you must understand, family, is some people were comfortable with the old version of yourself.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Here's something fascinating about human relationships.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: People don't just get used to who you are, they get used to how you behave, they get used to your availability, your habits, your boundaries, and the role you play in their lives.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've always been the friend who drops everything when somebody calls, or the family member who handles everybody else's problems.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you're that employee who's constantly taking on extra responsibilities because you don't want anybody else to think you're difficult, right?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And for a long time, everybody seemed happy with that arrangement.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Everything was good until you changed it.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now you're setting boundaries, you're protecting your schedule, your time, your energy, you're taking your career moves seriously, you're finally locking in and investing in the business that you've been talking about.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And all of a sudden, somebody says, You've changed, you're acting different.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yes, that was the assignment.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: What did you expect for me to spend the next 20, 30 years repeating the same mistakes and being the same person that wasn't making any progress?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: So everybody else could remain comfortable?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think so.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Come on now.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: But seriously, this is where things can get complicated.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the relationship worked partly because you were willing to sacrifice more than the other person.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: You were sacrificing your time, you were sacrificing your life, trying to make them comfortable.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you guys have been known to make yourself small so everybody else can feel big.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And when you stop making those sacrifices, the relationship has to adjust.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: A healthy relationship can usually make room for that adjustment, even if there's some initial discomfort.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: But a unhealthy, toxic dynamic may depend on you staying exactly the way you were.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Some people don't necessarily miss the OU, they just miss the access that they had to the old you.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the distinction worth remembering.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: They don't miss the old you, they don't miss you, they just miss the benefits that you gave being that old version of yourself.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, your growth can become somebody else's mirror.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, listen, y'all, let's get into this psychology.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: There's a concept called social comparison.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now, listen, y'all know we talk about it all the time.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: All these compete and compare freaks.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Compete and compare freaks.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of them running their own race, they want to look around and try to be like this person and be like that person, right?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: And in everybody's language, people naturally compare themselves with others to understand how they're doing.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Quite frankly, family.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: I've never just thought that that was a good thing to do.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously, because you don't know the set of circum circumstances that that person went through to get that.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: It can be inspiring because if you see somebody else do it, that is proof positive that it can be done, right?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: But that don't mean that is aligned in your journey.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean that you should compare your life status and your progress to what they're doing because you didn't pay their dues, you didn't walk their walk.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: This is why competing, comparing to me, even though we're calling a social comparison according to psychology, it has always been so stupid to me.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's the only word I can think of.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Be inspired by people's progress, yes.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Get amped up and motivated and juiced up, yes.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: But literally putting yourself on a scale with someone that had a completely different life, even if you guys stayed on the same street, you didn't have the same family dynamics, you didn't have the same growing environment.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, why would you compare yourself to somebody else?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: See, sometimes, like I said, the comparison they can't inspire us.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: You see somebody succeed and think, ah dang, they figured it out.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I can learn something from them.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's healthy.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's the good side of it.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: But comparison can become uncomfortable, especially when the person succeeding is somebody you consider similar to yourself.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Think about two friends who have been talking about starting a business for years, and one finally begins, she starts learning, experimenting, making mistakes, and slowly building something.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: The other hasn't started yet.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the second friend may genuinely be happy for her, but she may also feel uncomfortable because her friend progress reminds her of something that she's not doing.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't happen just in business, in weight loss, in relationships, friendships, even confidence.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's things that you can't even see.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, let's say, for instance, you say, you know, I'm working on my confidence.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: You've been inspired by someone you saw on TV, and you're like, you know what?
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: If they stepped out and did their thing and they're in Hollywood on the screen where you know they're super critical and they had the confidence, you were inspired by their confidence.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now you're stepped up your confidence.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: That friend that's used to you crouching down and being smaller, they're not going to be happy.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now you may have some that's genuinely happy for you, but another friend may also feel uncomfortable because her friend progress again reminds her of what she's not doing.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: That discomfort doesn't automatically make her a bad friend.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: What matters is what she does with it.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Does she acknowledge her feelings and find motivation to pursue her own goals, or does she begin minimizing her friend's achievements, making outfitting, uh, outing remarks, short remarks, cutting, trying to discourage and humble her?
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's where the behavior becomes important because envy is a feeling and sabotage is a choice.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: And sabotage does not have to be physically doing something to bring someone down.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: When people try to poke holes in your confidence and anything that you're doing, that's sabotage.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I always tell you guys, and I know we're going to get into this, but this episode is very uh, this is a hot topic for myself because I've seen it and experienced it so much.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't have your confidence built up or have you a great support system or be rooted in something that you understand you were created for the divine purpose, people will poke holes in your confidence and they will leave you on the ground where they want you to be.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and I need you to understand that envy is a feeling, but it's still dangerous because you never know when it will switch on over to jealousy or sabotage.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: But sabotage is a choice, and those are not the same.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And sabotage hurts you so bad because it's a choice.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'll never forget.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: I've been, you guys have heard me talk about this on multiple episodes.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: When I took this trip, I didn't even want to go, and I took this trip with someone that has way, way much more material success than myself.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: We got on this trip, and when I tell you they were trying to humble me and make me the butt of all jokes and everything.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: See, somebody can feel insecure and still treat you with respect.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody can have a difficult moment and still celebrate you.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: That is how you know you got genuine people around.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you just close on your first home, they don't have a home, but guess what?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: They are happy for you.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: They they are having a difficult season, right?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: They're having a difficult season, but they can still celebrate you because they know number one, how hard you work, they know you deserve it.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: But even besides all of that, I also believe that when you are around people that are achieving their goals, it's proof positive that you are getting close, and so you celebrate them because you know it's their stuff, but you are getting close, okay?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: But when they're when their discomfort turns into disrespect on a regular basis, interference or attempts to undermine you, spread rumors, anything of this nature, that's something that you need to address.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: And let me add something else.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you're going to be the person feeling uncomfortable when somebody else is succeeding.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you you might do that because we're not doing a whole episode about everybody else's character while pretending we're never experienced jealousy, comparison, or insecurity ourselves.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody else's success makes you uncomfortable, get curious about why.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's revealing a goal that you've neglected.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I said it don't even necessarily have to be.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I like it, it might make you feel uncomfortable.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't necessarily like the idea, and some people do though.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna be honest about it.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Some people feel jealousy and compare and insecurity.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you see all these jacked up.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you ever go to somebody's page on YouTube or anywhere on social media, and a person is feeling good about their life, whether they got married, lost weight, I don't care if they use Ozimpic, I don't care if they want to go get a body work, face work.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: If they did it and they feel great about themselves, and then you go to the bottom and you'll see all of these horrible comments, people talking about all these different things.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: They're gonna say that they're not jealous, but if you literally try to hurt somebody by saying mean things, you're hurting.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Hurt people, hurt people.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: I know that it sounds so cliche, but if you're truly happy, you wouldn't let certain things come out of your mouth.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so like I said, family, if people do, if they success makes you feel uncomfortable, let it inspire you to turn up that volume on your own goals.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're disappointed with your own progress, whatever it is, you can use that information without taking your frustration out on the person who's moving forward.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody else's progress is not proof that you failed.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's not, it's not proof that you that you failed, it's not proof that you're unhappy, that you're coming up short.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: I always tell you, Black Sheet family, never let anybody put you on their own timeline of success.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody has their own time.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about last week in our last episode about it's a time for everything, it's a season and a time for everything, and everybody's timing is not the same.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because let me tell you something, family.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Just like the man KFC, he did not get KFC rolling until he was 65 years old.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now imagine somebody that bought their first home at 45, right?
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And they knew and they were the same age as the colonel, and they were talking trade.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, he's still trying to do this chicken franchise.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: We told him it wouldn't work.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: At the age 65, it jumps off, and he was able to just buy his house straight out, just straight out.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: He's not paying on it or anything.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: He was pursuing a worthwhile goal, and you were too.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's just the journeys look different.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is why, like I tell you guys, somebody else doing it big is not proof that you failed, but also the timeline.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: That is the most important part.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Family, I met, I remember, and I'm sure some of you, if you can rethink back on your high school days, there were students that knew exactly what they wanted to be when they were leaving high school.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't even have to go to the counselor office and do career day and all these things.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: They already knew.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: The other half, we didn't have a clue.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't have a clue.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: And if you came from the bottom like I did, it's a possibility.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Only thing you knew is you wanted to get the hell about your parents' house.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: I know I did.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I could thought about.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be honest with you.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to get out of there and make my own money and my own decisions.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get me wrong, guys.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: I've always dibbled and dabbled and thought to myself I'll be working with computers.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it's funny because I do, I do a lot of website creation and email marketing contents and blogs and things like that.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: But other than that, I didn't have a clue.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was always intrigued by entrepreneurship because I thought it was just a I thought it was cool to be able to just make income on your own.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know that people paid that hell and high water high price for it, but I just thought that was completely cool.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like inventors and things like that.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: I always thought it was cool.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of us, we didn't know what we were gonna do when we were in high school, and some people did.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Again, this is why you cannot allow people to put you on the timeline of success.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's something fascinating.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: Thousands of years ago, an ancient account described a young warrior who returned from a battle after a major victory.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: The people celebrated him, songs were sung in honor, but the ruler he served didn't appreciate the comparison.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of simply celebrating the victory, the ruler became increasingly suspicious of the young man's growing reputation.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: And what began as jealousy eventually developed into a dangerous pursuit.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: The young warrior was David, and the ruler was King Saul.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: You can find this account in 1 Samuel beginning in chapter 18.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's what makes the story so relevant: David didn't have to organize a campaign against Saul to become a threat in Saul's mind.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: The attention David received was enough to trigger Saul's insecurity.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: And see, the crazy thing about it was David was all for Saul.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: He was honorable to him, cool with him, looked up to him.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: But we have to understand the larger context.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: Saul's conflict with David wasn't simply a case of somebody getting jealous over promotion, right?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: It was also because a prophet at that time had told Saul, who was the king, that he would not be king anymore because he kept on being disobedient and just doing different things that he should not have done.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: So we're not going to flatten that entire story into a lesson about haters.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: But here's one human behavior that I need you to recognize when somebody begins to see another person's success as a threat to their own identity or position, admiration a lot of times will turn into resentment.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that can happen in families, friendships, workplaces, and competitive environments.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: In black sheep family, don't you ever forget it because you are in a season of your life where you're gonna just shine bright, and whoever don't like it can put their shades on or they can get out the way because it's no more shrinking down for somebody else's comfort zone.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: No more.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you are at least 30 years old, you've done it for almost three decades of your life, shrinking down, and what has it gotten you?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Mistreated, taken advantage of, skipped over, and unappreciated.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: So this is why I'm encouraging you to leave that in the past.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: See, imagine a supervisor who genuinely appreciates an employee's talent until that employee starts receiving recognition from the senior leadership, or a friend who loves giving advice until the person they've been advising and begins making decisions independently.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the relationship changes because the other person feels they're losing influence, status, or importance.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I want you to pay attention to.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: David story doesn't teach us to assume that everybody is solved, it simply reminds us that insecurity can influence behavior, especially when people begin interpreting somebody else's progress as their own loss.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: And the other piece I want you to understand is it can often be from people that have more than you, they can have a higher title than you, higher position than you, and more material things.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: But your responsibility is to respond with wisdom rather than automatically matching their energy.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about how to recognize the pattern without becoming paranoid, all right?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is where I want you to really pay attention.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because the internet has created an entire industry around convincing people that everybody is secretly jealous of them.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody doesn't like your picture, they're jealous, somebody doesn't congratulate you immediately, they're intimidated.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody doesn't give you or somebody gives you constructive criticism, they're a hater.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, sometimes people are just busy, right?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody's doing different things, and sometimes that criticism is exactly what you needed to hear.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: This is why family as leaders, why we're talking about leadership, black sheep leadership on this podcast.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you need the criticism so that you could really take a second look at what you're doing, and you must learn how to keep what's good and throw out what's not.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: We have to stop treating every uncomfortable interaction as evidence of an enemy.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you start interpreting everything through suspicion, you can destroy perfectly good relationships.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, what do you actually look for?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Patterns.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: You want to look for patterns, not an awkward comment, not one, not one miss celebration.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking about repeated behavior.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Repeated behavior, it could be all in the same day, but a lot of times, family, it's just multiple incidences where you will have these different comments, jealousy, not lack of support on multiple occasions with the same person.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe somebody consistently makes jokes at your expense whenever you accomplish something, or they repeatedly discourage your opportunity that would help you grow without offering any reasonable explanation, or maybe they share your private information, take credit for your work, or interfere with things you've clearly told them that matter to you.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now we're talking about observing behavior, and that's much more useful than trying to read somebody's mind.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: Here's another distinction: a person who genuinely cares about you may challenge your decision.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: They might say, I support your goals, but have you thought about the financial risk?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's not opposition, family.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's somebody that's looking out for you.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of times, family, I need you to hear this one too.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Real friends will challenge you.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, man.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times they'll agree with everything you say.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is why discernment is very important and you're looking at those patterns, okay?
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: People who want to humble you, they may start repeatedly shaming you for becoming more independent or losing weight or punish you for whatever you decided to do.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to establish a boundary, they start talking trash.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: You want to move, you decide you're gonna downsize or save up money, they start talking trash about it.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: They're trying to shame you.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's the word I really want to say.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: They want to shame you, they want to humble you, they want you to stay in your place, they want to teach you to get in your lane.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you see the difference between somebody that's really concerned and want to really like want you to think about critically what you're doing, as opposed to somebody that truly wants to sabotage you and poke holes in your confidence.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: See, healthy concern challenges your decision, but unhealthy can but unhealthy concerns it try to control your life and make you feel unworthy.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're uncertain, family, don't jump straight to cutting somebody off, just ask questions.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing I want you to understand, family if You've already peaked patterns, y'all don't even ask a lot of questions.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you've already peaked patterns from someone, and I always like to say it's three strikes and you're out, right?
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: Depending on the severity, because some people you do need to cut them off the first time.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because if somebody is your friend, depending on what they did or they really care, they wouldn't even have the guts to do that.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: They would never do what they did.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like how some people try to shame you in front of other people or humble you in front of other people or talk behind your back multiple times to other people.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: Those are not your friends.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Those are not your friends.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I'm talking, guys, you should ask questions sometimes before you cut people off.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: Have a conversation when it's safe and appropriate.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Observe whether the behavior changes.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because your goal isn't to collect enemies, your goal is to understand people well enough to make better decisions.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: So next, we want to talk about don't let somebody else's discomfort become your ceiling.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's the part that really matters.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say you recognize that somebody else is uncomfortable with your role.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: What do you do?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, don't let their reaction become the center of your life.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's just how they feel.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because Black Sheet family, we spend so much time, energy, and money trying to level our lives up, we don't have time to spend the same amount of time studying somebody else's attitude just because we're making progress.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because if it's worth if it's worth a discussion, they should speak up about it.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: And now instead of building your business, because if you don't, now instead of building your business and dream and learning skills and improving your life, you spending all your energy trying to figure them out and why they didn't clap for you and why they don't like you no more and why they said what they said.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Black sheep, your mission at that point is being neglected.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: And for what?
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: A standing ovation that you were never promised?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: Come on now.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: We don't need validation, family.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: You were validated on the day you were born.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Second, you need to start protecting what needs to be protected, right?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because every plan don't need a public announcement.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: Some of these people need to stop telling them everything.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: Get them up out of there.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: They don't need access to your personal information, financial decisions, or unfinished products and projects.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: You can be friendly without oversharing and you can collaborate without giving away control of everything you built.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: Third, respond to the actual problems rather than imagine motives.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody takes credit for your work, document your contributions and address the situation professionally.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody repeatedly violates your boundaries, change the access they have.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: See, family, you're on a level now where you don't have time to be trying to figure out everything, what they did.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: Some people you just need to cut back access and don't explain it.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because let me tell you something, family.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you are a believer or not, you have a conscience.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: And when people do bull crap, they feel it.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: When people do something they know when right, you instantly get a feeling.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say, for instance, if you flip somebody off on the road, you got road rage.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: Regardless of how long you have road rage, you're gonna feel a certain type of way when you know that wasn't even called for.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's called a conscience, unless they're a psychopath.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so like I said, family, change that access.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: Change the access.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's something I want you to remember you don't have to make somebody your enemy just because they can no longer accompany you into your next season.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what, family?
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want you to understand you don't have to make them an enemy, but they'll make up a story like you did something wrong, and then you'll be an enemy on them on their end.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: So just because you're handling everything with class, understand when people want to sabotage you and be jealous and all those things, they don't do and say anything to justify their crap because they're not accountable, they're a hater, they're jealous, they're envious.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: And who wants to tell and admit that that's what how they have been?
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: Who wants to admit that?
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: Especially if you're jealous because somebody else succeeds, if you're jealous because somebody else is feeling well.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but what you must understand though, family, is sometimes just people grow in different directions, their relationships, they just become less close, and it's nothing personal until they start trying to sabotage what you're doing, and that's when you have to clip the access.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: See, sometimes you need to leave a situation because it just no longer aligns with your values or goals.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't require a villain, it requires discernment.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: But if you need to be a villain to control your peace, because your peace is priceless, be that villain.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: All right?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's bring this home.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: One of the biggest mistakes you can make is allowing somebody else's behavior to determine your character.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: You encounter jealousy, so you become arrogant, right?
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: You experience betrayal, so you stop trusting everybody.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: You deal with competition, so you start treating everybody, every successful person like a threat.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: And before you know it, you become consumed by the very behavior you said you wanted to escape.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: Family, that's not growth.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's allowing somebody else to dictate who you become.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: Real growth requires emotional discipline.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: It means you can recognize unhealthy behavior without becoming obsessed with it.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can establish boundaries without humiliating people, and you can pursue your goals without needing somebody else to lose because your success doesn't become more meaningful just because another person is struggling.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you something: the strongest response to somebody's insecurity is not always a clapback.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's simply refusing to let their insecurity manage your life.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: What am I saying?
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Cut them off, cut them off, keep on developing your skills, your healthy relationships, keep on being responsible, making your fire decisions, and don't forget to celebrate the people around you who are doing well.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you want people to support your growth, you should be willing to support theirs too.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's not as a transaction family, it's just who you are, it's your character.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: So think about one of your relationship or situation where you've noticed tension since you started making changes.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: One, what have you actually deserved or observed?
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: Separate the facts from your assumptions.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: Two, have you communicated this thing clearly?
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: Does the other person understand your new boundaries or priorities?
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: Have you given them a reasonable opportunity to adjust?
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: And number three, what response will protect your progress without creating unnecessary conflict?
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe just simply need a regular conversation, stronger boundaries.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: Or sometimes we can just stop expecting everybody to be equally invested in our goals.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever the answer is, make your decision based on behavior and not speculation.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, those patterns are gonna tell you everything because a mouth will say whatever.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: But those patterns, man, here's what I want you to understand, family.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: Your energy is valuable, and you don't need to waste it fighting battles that exist only in your imagination or fighting battles that are not for you to fight because somebody else's insecurity about your success, that's not your battle.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: I just want black sheep you to understand your rise is gonna change relationships, it's gonna create enemies.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: It may reveal insecurity, competition, or expectations that no longer fit who you're becoming.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, sometimes you will actively oppose people will actively oppose your progress, trying to stop you.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: But not every uncomfortable person is an enemy, and not every relationship that changes is a betrayal.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: Your responsibility is to recognize what's going on, respond with discernment, and keep on moving, keep it moving towards your purpose.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to shrink down to somebody else's comfort zone, but you don't need to become cruel, suspicious, arrogant, or prove everybody wrong either.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, don't let somebody else's insecurity become your ceiling, and don't let your own insecurity turn somebody else into your enemy.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: What I like to tell you, family, is if somebody is insecure about your growth, you should turn it up.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: You should turn it up because that is proof that you move in the right direction.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: If they decide, if you know you're growing and they decided to try to humble you and make you feel insecure or poke holes in your confidence, you should turn up the heat on your own self.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's the lesson.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: Keep your character, protect your peace, and let your growth speak for itself.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, listen, family, don't just hear today's lesson.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is one of those ones where you need to run the play, family.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: Run the play on this, okay?
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because information is everywhere and execution is rare.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you in the next briefing.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: Take care.